The first opinion given to me regarding
Jacob Settle was a simple descriptive statement, ‘He’s
a down-in-the-mouth chap’: but I found
that it embodied the thoughts and ideas of all his
fellow-workmen. There was in the phrase a certain
easy tolerance, an absence of positive feeling of
any kind, rather than any complete opinion, which
marked pretty accurately the man’s place in public
esteem. Still, there was some dissimilarity between
this and his appearance which unconsciously set me
thinking, and by degrees, as I saw more of the place
and the workmen, I came to have a special interest
in him. He was, I found, for ever doing kindnesses,
not involving money expenses beyond his humble means,
but in the manifold ways of forethought and forbearance
and self-repression which are of the truer charities
of life. Women and children trusted him implicitly,
though, strangely enough, he rather shunned them,
except when anyone was sick, and then he made his
appearance to help if he could, timidly and awkwardly.
He led a very solitary life, keeping house by himself
in a tiny cottage, or rather hut, of one room, far
on the edge of the moorland. His existence seemed
so sad and solitary that I wished to cheer it up, and
for the purpose took the occasion when we had both
been sitting up with a child, injured by me through
accident, to offer to lend him books. He gladly
accepted, and as we parted in the grey of the dawn
I felt that something of mutual confidence had been
established between us.
The books were always most carefully
and punctually returned, and in time Jacob Settle
and I became quite friends. Once or twice as I
crossed the moorland on Sundays I looked in on him;
but on such occasions he was shy and ill at ease so
that I felt diffident about calling to see him.
He would never under any circumstances come into my
own lodgings.
One Sunday afternoon, I was coming
back from a long walk beyond the moor, and as I passed
Settle’s cottage stopped at the door to say ’How
do you do?’ to him. As the door was shut,
I thought that he was out, and merely knocked for
form’s sake, or through habit, not expecting
to get any answer. To my surprise, I heard a
feeble voice from within, though what was said I could
not hear. I entered at once, and found Jacob
lying half-dressed upon his bed. He was as pale
as death, and the sweat was simply rolling off his
face. His hands were unconsciously gripping the
bedclothes as a drowning man holds on to whatever
he may grasp. As I came in he half arose, with
a wild, hunted look in his eyes, which were wide open
and staring, as though something of horror had come
before him; but when he recognised me he sank back
on the couch with a smothered sob of relief and closed
his eyes. I stood by him for a while, quite a
minute or two, while he gasped. Then he opened
his eyes and looked at me, but with such a despairing,
woeful expression that, as I am a living man, I would
have rather seen that frozen look of horror.
I sat down beside him and asked after his health.
For a while he would not answer me except to say that
he was not ill; but then, after scrutinising me closely,
he half arose on his elbow and said:
’I thank you kindly, sir, but
I’m simply telling you the truth. I am
not ill, as men call it, though God knows whether there
be not worse sicknesses than doctors know of.
I’ll tell you, as you are so kind, but I trust
that you won’t even mention such a thing to a
living soul, for it might work me more and greater
woe. I am suffering from a bad dream.’
‘A bad dream!’ I said,
hoping to cheer him; ’but dreams pass away with
the light even with waking.’
There I stopped, for before he spoke I saw the answer
in his desolate look round the little place.
’No! no! that’s all well
for people that live in comfort and with those they
love around them. It is a thousand times worse
for those who live alone and have to do so. What
cheer is there for me, waking here in the silence
of the night, with the wide moor around me full of
voices and full of faces that make my waking a worse
dream than my sleep? Ah, young sir, you have
no past that can send its legions to people the darkness
and the empty space, and I pray the good God that
you may never have!’ As he spoke, there was such
an almost irresistible gravity of conviction in his
manner that I abandoned my remonstrance about his
solitary life. I felt that I was in the presence
of some secret influence which I could not fathom.
To my relief, for I knew not what to say, he went
on:
’Two nights past have I dreamed
it. It was hard enough the first night, but I
came through it. Last night the expectation was
in itself almost worse than the dream until
the dream came, and then it swept away every remembrance
of lesser pain. I stayed awake till just before
the dawn, and then it came again, and ever since I
have been in such an agony as I am sure the dying
feel, and with it all the dread of tonight.’
Before he had got to the end of the sentence my mind
was made up, and I felt that I could speak to him
more cheerfully.
’Try and get to sleep early
tonight in fact, before the evening has
passed away. The sleep will refresh you, and I
promise you there will not be any bad dreams after
tonight.’ He shook his head hopelessly,
so I sat a little longer and then left him.
When I got home I made my arrangements
for the night, for I had made up my mind to share
Jacob Settle’s lonely vigil in his cottage on
the moor. I judged that if he got to sleep before
sunset he would wake well before midnight, and so,
just as the bells of the city were striking eleven,
I stood opposite his door armed with a bag, in which
were my supper, an extra large flask, a couple of candles,
and a book. The moonlight was bright, and flooded
the whole moor, till it was almost as light as day;
but ever and anon black clouds drove across the sky,
and made a darkness which by comparison seemed almost
tangible. I opened the door softly, and entered
without waking Jacob, who lay asleep with his white
face upward. He was still, and again bathed in
sweat. I tried to imagine what visions were passing
before those closed eyes which could bring with them
the misery and woe which were stamped on the face,
but fancy failed me, and I waited for the awakening.
It came suddenly, and in a fashion which touched me
to the quick, for the hollow groan that broke from
the man’s white lips as he half arose and sank
back was manifestly the realisation or completion
of some train of thought which had gone before.
‘If this be dreaming,’
said I to myself, ’then it must be based on
some very terrible reality. What can have been
that unhappy fact that he spoke of?’
While I thus spoke, he realised that
I was with him. It struck me as strange that
he had no period of that doubt as to whether dream
or reality surrounded him which commonly marks an
expected environment of waking men. With a positive
cry of joy, he seized my hand and held it in his two
wet, trembling hands, as a frightened child clings
on to someone whom it loves. I tried to soothe
him:
’There, there! it is all right.
I have come to stay with you tonight, and together
we will try to fight this evil dream.’ He
let go my hand suddenly, and sank back on his bed
and covered his eyes with his hands.
’Fight it? the evil
dream! Ah! no, sir, no! No mortal power can
fight that dream, for it comes from God and
is burned in here;’ and he beat upon his forehead.
Then he went on:
’It is the same dream, ever
the same, and yet it grows in its power to torture
me every time it comes.’
‘What is the dream?’ I
asked, thinking that the speaking of it might give
him some relief, but he shrank away from me, and after
a long pause said:
‘No, I had better not tell it. It may not
come again.’
There was manifestly something to
conceal from me something that lay behind
the dream, so I answered:
’All right. I hope you
have seen the last of it. But if it should come
again, you will tell me, will you not? I ask,
not out of curiosity, but because I think it may relieve
you to speak.’ He answered with what I
thought was almost an undue amount of solemnity:
‘If it comes again, I shall tell you all.’
Then I tried to get his mind away
from the subject to more mundane things, so I produced
supper, and made him share it with me, including the
contents of the flask. After a little he braced
up, and when I lit my cigar, having given him another,
we smoked a full hour, and talked of many things.
Little by little the comfort of his body stole over
his mind, and I could see sleep laying her gentle hands
on his eyelids. He felt it, too, and told me
that now he felt all right, and I might safely leave
him; but I told him that, right or wrong, I was going
to see in the daylight. So I lit my other candle,
and began to read as he fell asleep.
By degrees I got interested in my
book, so interested that presently I was startled
by its dropping out of my hands. I looked and
saw that Jacob was still asleep, and I was rejoiced
to see that there was on his face a look of unwonted
happiness, while his lips seemed to move with unspoken
words. Then I turned to my work again, and again
woke, but this time to feel chilled to my very marrow
by hearing the voice from the bed beside me:
‘Not with those red hands!
Never! never!’ On looking at him, I found that
he was still asleep. He woke, however, in an instant,
and did not seem surprised to see me; there was again
that strange apathy as to his surroundings. Then
I said:
’Settle, tell me your dream.
You may speak freely, for I shall hold your confidence
sacred. While we both live I shall never mention
what you may choose to tell me.’
He replied:
’I said I would; but I had better
tell you first what goes before the dream, that you
may understand. I was a schoolmaster when I was
a very young man; it was only a parish school in a
little village in the West Country. No need to
mention any names. Better not. I was engaged
to be married to a young girl whom I loved and almost
reverenced. It was the old story. While
we were waiting for the time when we could afford
to set up house together, another man came along.
He was nearly as young as I was, and handsome, and
a gentleman, with all a gentleman’s attractive
ways for a woman of our class. He would go fishing,
and she would meet him while I was at my work in school.
I reasoned with her and implored her to give him up.
I offered to get married at once and go away and begin
the world in a strange country; but she would not
listen to anything I could say, and I could see that
she was infatuated with him. Then I took it on
myself to meet the man and ask him to deal well with
the girl, for I thought he might mean honestly by
her, so that there might be no talk or chance of talk
on the part of others. I went where I should
meet him with none by, and we met!’ Here Jacob
Settle had to pause, for something seemed to rise
in his throat, and he almost gasped for breath.
Then he went on:
’Sir, as God is above us, there
was no selfish thought in my heart that day, I loved
my pretty Mabel too well to be content with a part
of her love, and I had thought of my own unhappiness
too often not to have come to realise that, whatever
might come to her, my hope was gone. He was insolent
to me you, sir, who are a gentleman, cannot
know, perhaps, how galling can be the insolence of
one who is above you in station but I bore
with that. I implored him to deal well with the
girl, for what might be only a pastime of an idle hour
with him might be the breaking of her heart.
For I never had a thought of her truth, or that the
worst of harm could come to her it was only
the unhappiness to her heart I feared. But when
I asked him when he intended to marry her his laughter
galled me so that I lost my temper and told him that
I would not stand by and see her life made unhappy.
Then he grew angry too, and in his anger said such
cruel things of her that then and there I swore he
should not live to do her harm. God knows how
it came about, for in such moments of passion it is
hard to remember the steps from a word to a blow,
but I found myself standing over his dead body, with
my hands crimson with the blood that welled from his
torn throat. We were alone and he was a stranger,
with none of his kin to seek for him and murder does
not always out not all at once. His
bones may be whitening still, for all I know, in the
pool of the river where I left him. No one suspected
his absence, or why it was, except my poor Mabel,
and she dared not speak. But it was all in vain,
for when I came back again after an absence of months for
I could not live in the place I learned
that her shame had come and that she had died in it.
Hitherto I had been borne up by the thought that my
ill deed had saved her future, but now, when I learned
that I had been too late, and that my poor love was
smirched with that man’s sin, I fled away with
the sense of my useless guilt upon me more heavily
than I could bear. Ah! sir, you that have not
done such a sin don’t know what it is to carry
it with you. You may think that custom makes
it easy to you, but it is not so. It grows and
grows with every hour, till it becomes intolerable,
and with it growing, too, the feeling that you must
for ever stand outside Heaven. You don’t
know what that means, and I pray God that you never
may. Ordinary men, to whom all things are possible,
don’t often, if ever, think of Heaven.
It is a name, and nothing more, and they are content
to wait and let things be, but to those who are doomed
to be shut out for ever you cannot think what it means,
you cannot guess or measure the terrible endless longing
to see the gates opened, and to be able to join the
white figures within.
’And this brings me to my dream.
It seemed that the portal was before me, with great
gates of massive steel with bars of the thickness of
a mast, rising to the very clouds, and so close that
between them was just a glimpse of a crystal grotto,
on whose shining walls were figured many white-clad
forms with faces radiant with joy. When I stood
before the gate my heart and my soul were so full of
rapture and longing that I forgot. And there
stood at the gate two mighty angels with sweeping
wings, and, oh! so stern of countenance. They
held each in one hand a flaming sword, and in the
other the latchet, which moved to and fro at their
lightest touch. Nearer were figures all draped
in black, with heads covered so that only the eyes
were seen, and they handed to each who came white
garments such as the angels wear. A low murmur
came that told that all should put on their own robes,
and without soil, or the angels would not pass them
in, but would smite them down with the flaming swords.
I was eager to don my own garment, and hurriedly threw
it over me and stepped swiftly to the gate; but it
moved not, and the angels, loosing the latchet, pointed
to my dress, I looked down, and was aghast, for the
whole robe was smeared with blood. My hands were
red; they glittered with the blood that dripped from
them as on that day by the river bank. And then
the angels raised their flaming swords to smite me
down, and the horror was complete I awoke.
Again, and again, and again, that awful dream comes
to me. I never learn from the experience, I never
remember, but at the beginning the hope is ever there
to make the end more appalling; and I know that the
dream does not come out of the common darkness where
the dreams abide, but that it is sent from God as
a punishment! Never, never shall I be able to
pass the gate, for the soil on the angel garments
must ever come from these bloody hands!’
I listened as in a spell as Jacob
Settle spoke. There was something so far away
in the tone of his voice something so dreamy
and mystic in the eyes that looked as if through me
at some spirit beyond something so lofty
in his very diction and in such marked contrast to
his workworn clothes and his poor surroundings that
I wondered if the whole thing were not a dream.
We were both silent for a long time.
I kept looking at the man before me in growing wonderment.
Now that his confession had been made, his soul, which
had been crushed to the very earth, seemed to leap
back again to uprightness with some resilient force.
I suppose I ought to have been horrified with his
story, but, strange to say, I was not. It certainly
is not pleasant to be made the recipient of the confidence
of a murderer, but this poor fellow seemed to have
had, not only so much provocation, but so much self-denying
purpose in his deed of blood that I did not feel called
upon to pass judgment upon him. My purpose was
to comfort, so I spoke out with what calmness I could,
for my heart was beating fast and heavily:
’You need not despair, Jacob
Settle. God is very good, and His mercy is great.
Live on and work on in the hope that some day you may
feel that you have atoned for the past.’
Here I paused, for I could see that deep, natural
sleep this time, was creeping upon him. ’Go
to sleep,’ I said; ’I shall watch with
you here and we shall have no more evil dreams tonight.’
He made an effort to pull himself
together, and answered:
’I don’t know how to thank
you for your goodness to me this night, but I think
you had best leave me now. I’ll try and
sleep this out; I feel a weight off my mind since
I have told you all. If there’s anything
of the man left in me, I must try and fight out life
alone.’
‘I’ll go tonight, as you
wish it,’ I said; ’but take my advice,
and do not live in such a solitary way. Go among
men and women; live among them. Share their joys
and sorrows, and it will help you to forget.
This solitude will make you melancholy mad.’
‘I will!’ he answered,
half unconsciously, for sleep was overmastering him.
I turned to go, and he looked after
me. When I had touched the latch I dropped it,
and, coming back to the bed, held out my hand.
He grasped it with both his as he rose to a sitting
posture, and I said my goodnight, trying to cheer
him:
’Heart, man, heart! There
is work in the world for you to do, Jacob Settle.
You can wear those white robes yet and pass through
that gate of steel!’
Then I left him.
A week after I found his cottage deserted,
and on asking at the works was told that he had ‘gone
north’, no one exactly knew whither.
Two years afterwards, I was staying
for a few days with my friend Dr. Munro in Glasgow.
He was a busy man, and could not spare much time for
going about with me, so I spent my days in excursions
to the Trossachs and Loch Katrine and down the Clyde.
On the second last evening of my stay I came back
somewhat later than I had arranged, but found that
my host was late too. The maid told me that he
had been sent for to the hospital a case
of accident at the gas-works, and the dinner was postponed
an hour; so telling her I would stroll down to find
her master and walk back with him, I went out.
At the hospital I found him washing his hands preparatory
to starting for home. Casually, I asked him what
his case was.
’Oh, the usual thing! A
rotten rope and men’s lives of no account.
Two men were working in a gasometer, when the rope
that held their scaffolding broke. It must have
occurred just before the dinner hour, for no one noticed
their absence till the men had returned. There
was about seven feet of water in the gasometer, so
they had a hard fight for it, poor fellows. However,
one of them was alive, just alive, but we have had
a hard job to pull him through. It seems that
he owes his life to his mate, for I have never heard
of greater heroism. They swam together while
their strength lasted, but at the end they were so
done up that even the lights above, and the men slung
with ropes, coming down to help them, could not keep
them up. But one of them stood on the bottom
and held up his comrade over his head, and those few
breaths made all the difference between life and death.
They were a shocking sight when they were taken out,
for that water is like a purple dye with the gas and
the tar. The man upstairs looked as if he had
been washed in blood. Ugh!’
‘And the other?’
’Oh, he’s worse still.
But he must have been a very noble fellow. That
struggle under the water must have been fearful; one
can see that by the way the blood has been drawn from
the extremities. It makes the idea of the Stigmata
possible to look at him. Resolution like this
could, you would think, do anything in the world.
Ay! it might almost unbar the gates of Heaven.
Look here, old man, it is not a very pleasant sight,
especially just before dinner, but you are a writer,
and this is an odd case. Here is something you
would not like to miss, for in all human probability
you will never see anything like it again.’
While he was speaking he had brought me into the mortuary
of the hospital.
On the bier lay a body covered with
a white sheet, which was wrapped close round it.
’Looks like a chrysalis, don’t
it? I say, Jack, if there be anything in the
old myth that a soul is typified by a butterfly, well,
then the one that this chrysalis sent forth was a
very noble specimen and took all the sunlight on its
wings. See here!’ He uncovered the face.
Horrible, indeed, it looked, as though stained with
blood. But I knew him at once, Jacob Settle!
My friend pulled the winding sheet further down.
The hands were crossed on the purple
breast as they had been reverently placed by some
tender-hearted person. As I saw them my heart
throbbed with a great exultation, for the memory of
his harrowing dream rushed across my mind. There
was no stain now on those poor, brave hands, for they
were blanched white as snow.
And somehow as I looked I felt that
the evil dream was all over. That noble soul
had won a way through the gate at last. The white
robe had now no stain from the hands that had put
it on.