Of all the sensations to which the
human mind is a prey, there is none so powerful in
its finality, so chilling in its sense of an impending
event as the knowledge that Death-grim,
implacable Death-has cast his shadow on
a life that custom and circumstance have rendered familiar.
Whatever the personal feeling may be-whether
dismay, despair, or relief-no man or woman
can watch that advancing shadow without a quailing
at the heart, an individual shrinking from the terrible,
natural mystery that we must all face in turn-each
for himself and each alone.
In a gaunt house on the loneliest
point where the Scottish coast overlooks the Irish
Sea, John Henderson was watching his uncle die.
In the plain, whitewashed room where the sick man
lay, a fire was burning and a couple of oil-lamps
shed an uncertain glow; but outside, the wind roared
inland from the shore, and the rain splashed in furious
showers against the windows of the house. It
was a night of tumult and darkness; but neither the
old man who lay waiting for the end nor the young man
who watched that end approaching gave any heed to the
turmoil of the elements. Each was self-engrossed.
Except for an occasional rasping cough,
or a slow, indrawn breath, no sign came from the small
iron bedstead on which the dying man lay. His
hard, emaciated face was set in an impenetrable mask;
his glazed eyes were fixed immovably on a distant
portion of the ceiling; and his hands lay clasped
upon his breast, covering some object that depended
from his neck.
He had lain thus since the doctor
from the neighboring town had braved the rising storm
and ridden over to see him in the fall of the evening;
and no accentuation of the gale that lashed the house,
no increase in the roar of the ocean three hundred
yards away, had power to interrupt his lethargy.
In curious contrast was the expression
that marked his nephew’s face. An extraordinary
suppressed energy was visible in every line of John
Henderson’s body as he sat crouching over the
fire; and a look of irrepressible excitement smoldered
in the eyes that gazed into the glowing coals.
He was barely twenty-three years old, but the self-control
that comes from endurance and privation sat unmistakably
on his knitted brows and closed lips. He was
neither handsome of feature nor graceful of figure,
yet there was something more striking and interesting
than either grace or beauty in the strong, youthful
form and the strong, intelligent face. For a
long time he retained his crouching seat on the wooden
stool that stood before the hearth; then at last the
activity at work within his mind made further inaction
intolerable. He rose and turned towards the bed.
The dying man lay motionless, awaiting
the final summons with that aloofness that suggests
a spirit already partially extricated from its covering
of flesh. His glassy eyes were still fixed and
immovable save for an occasional twitching of the
eyelids; his pallid lips were drawn back from his
strong, prominent teeth; and the skin about his temples
looked shrivelled and sallow. The doctor’s
parting words came sharply to the younger man’s
mind.
“Sit still and watch him-you can
do no more.”
He reiterated this injunction many
times mentally as he stood contemplating the man who
for seven interminable years had ruled, repressed,
and worked him as he might have worked a well-constructed,
manageable machine; and a sudden rush of joy, of freedom
and recompense flooded his heart and set his pulses
throbbing. He momentarily lost sight of the grim
shadow hovering over the house. The sense of
emancipation rose tumultuously, over-ruling even the
immense solemnity of approaching Death.
John Henderson had known little of
the easy, pleasant paths of life, carpeted by wealth
and sheltered by influence. His most childish
and distant recollections carried him back to days
of anxious poverty. His father, the elder son
of a wealthy Scottish landowner, had quarrelled with
his father, and at the age of twenty left his home,
disinherited in favor of his younger brother.
Possessed of a peculiar temperament-passionate,
headstrong, dogged in his resolves, he had shaken
the dust of Scotland from his feet; sworn never to
be beholden to either father or brother for the fraction
of a penny, and had gone out into the world to seek
his fortune. But the fortune had been far to
seek. For years he had followed the sea; for
years he had toiled on land; but in every undertaking
failure stalked him. Finally, at the age of fifty,
he touched success for the first time. He fell
in love and found his love returned. But here
again the irony of fate was constant in its pursuit.
The object of his choice was the daughter of an artist,
a man as needy, as entirely unfortunate as he himself.
But love at fifty is sometimes as
blind as love at twenty-five. With an improvidence
that belied his nationality, Alick Henderson married
after a courtship as brief as it was happy. For
a year he shared the hap-hazard life of his wife and
father-in-law; then Nature saw fit to alter the small
ménage. The artist died, and almost at
the same time little John was born.
With the coming of the child, Henderson
conceived a new impetus and also a new sense of bitterness
and self-reproach. A homeless failure may tramp
the face of the earth and feel no shame; but the unsuccessful
man who is a husband and a father moves upon a different
plane. He has ties-responsibilities-something
for which he must answer to himself.
There is pathos in the picture of
a man setting forth at fifty-one to conquer the world
anew; and its grim futility is not good to look upon.
Henderson had failed for himself, and he failed equally
for others. The years that followed his marriage
were but the unwinding of a pitifully old story.
Before his boy was ten years old he had run the gamut
of humiliation; he had done everything that the pinch
of poverty could demand, except apply for aid to his
brother Andrew. This even the faithful, patient
wife who had stood stanch in all his trials never
dared to suggest.
In this atmosphere John learned to
look upon life. A naturally high-spirited and
courageous child, he gradually fell under that spell
of premature understanding that is the portion of a
mind forced too soon to realize the significance of
ways and means. Day by day his serious eyes grew
to comprehend the lines that marked his mother’s
beloved face; to know the cost at which his own education,
his own wants, were supplied by the tired, silent
father, who, despite his shabby clothes and prematurely
broken air, seemed perpetually to move in the glamour
of a past romance; and gradually, steadily, passionately,
as these things came home to him, there grew up in
his youthful mind a desire to compensate by his own
future for the struggle he daily witnessed.
Many were the nights when-his
lessons for the next day finished, and his father
away at one of the many precarious tasks that kept
the household together-he would draw close
to his mother, as she sat industriously sewing, and
beg her for the hundredth time to recount the story
of the grim Scotch home where his father had lost his
birthright; of the stern old grandfather who had died
inexorably unforgiving; of the unknown uncle of whom
rumor told many eccentric stories. And, roused
by the recital, his boyish face would flush, his boyish
mind leap forward towards the future.
“’Twill all come back,
mother!” he would cry. “’Twill all
come back! I’ll win it back!”
And, with a sobbing laugh, his mother
would drop her sewing and draw him to her heart in
a sudden yearning of love and pride.
In such surroundings and in such an
atmosphere he passed sixteen years; then the first
upheaval of his life took place. His father died.
His first recollection-when
the terrible necessities of the event were past, and
his own grief and consternation had partially subsided-was
the remembrance of his mother calling him to her room;
of her kissing him, crying over him and telling him
of the resolve she had taken to write and make known
his existence to his uncle in Scotland.
The confession at first overwhelmed
him. His own pride, his sense of loyalty to his
father’s memory prompted him to cry out against
the idea as against a sacrilege. Then slowly
his boyish, immature mind grasped something of the
nobility that prompted the decision-something
of the inexpressible love that counted sentiment and
personal dignity as nothing beside his own future;
and in a passion of gratitude he flung his arms about
his mother, repeating the old childish vows with a
new and deeper force.
So the letter to Scotland was despatched;
and a time of sharp suspense followed for mother and
son. Then, one never-to-be-forgotten day, the
answer arrived.
Andrew Henderson wrote unemotionally.
He expressed formal regret for his brother’s
death, but evinced no interest in his sister-in-law’s
position. He briefly described himself as living
an isolated life in a small house on the sea-coast,
a dozen miles from the family home which had remained
untenanted since his father’s death. He
admitted that with advancing years the duties of life
had begun to weigh upon him, diverting his mind and
time from the graver pursuits to which his life was
devoted; finally he grudgingly suggested that, should
his nephew care to undertake the duties of secretary
at a salary of sixty pounds a year, he might find
a home with him.
The immediate feeling that followed
the reading of the letter was fraught with chilling
disappointment. On the moment, pride again asserted
itself, urging a swift refusal of the rich man’s
proposal; then once more the patience that had kept
Mrs. Henderson brave and gentle during seventeen years
of wearing poverty made itself felt. All thought
of personal grievance faded from her mind as she pointed
out the urgent necessity of John’s being seen
and known by this uncle, whose only relation and ostensible
heir he was. She talked for long, wisely and
kindly-as mothers talk out of the unselfish
fulness of their hearts-and with every
word the golden castles of her imagination rose tower
on tower to form the citadel in which her son was to
reign supreme.
So wisely and so lovingly did she
talk that she persuaded not only the boy, but herself,
into the belief that he had but to reach Scotland to
make his inheritance sure; and before the day closed
she wrote to Andrew Henderson accepting his offer.
A week later the whole light of her life went out,
as she watched the train steam out of the station,
carrying John northward.
Upon the days that followed his arrival
in Scotland there is no need to dwell. He came
as a stranger, and as a stranger he was introduced
by his uncle to the routine of work expected of him.
No mention was made of his recent loss, no suggestion
was given that his mother should make her double bereavement
easier by visits to her son. Whatever of hope
or sentiment he had brought with him, he was left
to destroy or smother as best he could.
The first week resolved itself into
one round of boyish homesickness and desolation; then
gradually, as the marvellous healing properties of
youth began to stir, a new feeling awakened in his
mind-a sense of curiosity concerning the
strange old man whom fate, by a twist of the wheel,
had made the arbiter of his life. Even to one
so young and inexperienced, it was impossible to know
Andrew Henderson and not to feel that some strange
peculiarity set him apart from other men. In his
ascetic face, in his large, light-blue eyes, in his
extraordinary air of abstraction and aloofness from
mundane things, there was something that fascinated
and repelled; and with a wondering interest the boy
studied these things, trying in his unformed way to
reconcile them with his narrow experience of human
nature.
For many weeks he sought without success
for some key to the attitude of this new-found relative.
Then one evening-when solution seemed least
near-the key, metaphorically speaking, fell
at his feet. Returning home from a ramble over
the headland, his observant eye was caught by the
sight of a narrow foot-track that, crossing the main
pathway of the cliff, wound steeply upward and seemingly
lost itself in a tangle of gorse and bracken.
Stirred by a boyish desire for exploration, he paused,
turned into this obscure track, and incontinently began
its ascent.
For some hundreds of yards it led
upward in a sharp incline; and with its added steepness,
the ardor of the explorer warmed. With impetuous
haste he climbed the last dozen yards; when, as the
anticipated summit was reached, he halted in abrupt,
dismayed surprise; for with alarming suddenness the
land broke off short, disclosing a deep gap or fissure,
carpeted with heather and surrounded by natural protecting
walls of rock, in the centre of which was set a miniature
chapel built of dark stone.
At sight of the little edifice, he
thrilled with adventurous surprise. There was
something mysterious, something almost fine in the
sight of the small temple, with the setting sun gleaming
on its solid walls, its low, massive door and round
window of thick stained glass. He leaned out
over the shelving rock, staring down upon it with wide,
astonished eyes; then the natural instinct of the
boy overtopped every other feeling. With a quick-movement
of excitement and expectation, he began to descend
into the hollow.
But though he walked round the little
building a dozen times, shook the heavy door and peered
ineffectually into the opaque window, nothing rewarded
his curiosity, and after half an hour of diligent endeavor
he was compelled to return home no wiser than when
he had first stood on the summit of the path and looked
down into the rocky cleft.
All that evening, however, the thought
of his discovery remained with him. At the eight-o’clock
supper of porridge, vegetables, and fruit which he
shared with his uncle, he chafed under the silence
of his companion and at the air of calm indifference
that the whitewashed room with its raftered ceiling
seemed to wear; and it was with a sigh of satisfaction
that he rose from table and bade his uncle a formal
good-night.
With the same suggestion of relief,
he watched the old man light his candle and ascend
the bare stairs to his own room; then prompted by the
impulse he never neglected, he went into the study
to write the daily letter that made his mother’s
existence bearable.
He wrote for nearly an hour, omitting
no detail of the evening’s discovery. Then,
as he closed and sealed the letter, a clock on the
mantel-piece struck ten. The sound had an oddly
hollow and chilly effect in the bare, carpetless room;
and unconsciously he raised his head and glanced about
him. His ideas, still stirred by his adventure,
were more prone than usual to the suggestion of outward
things; and for almost the first time since his arrival,
he felt drawn to study his intimate surroundings.
With a new curiosity he let his eyes wander from the
severe book-shelves to the ugly iron safe that stood
in the most prominent position in the room; and from
the safe his glance turned to the revolving bookcase
by his uncle’s favorite chair, in which lay the
volumes that were in daily use. Following an impulse
he had never previously been conscious of, he crossed
the room, and drawing three books, at hap-hazard from
the case, studied their titles.
The Indissoluble Essence, he
read; The Soul in Relation to the Human Mind;
The Mystic Influence.
He stood for a space gazing at the
sombre covers, but making no attempt to dip into their
pages; then a sudden look of comprehension sprang into
his eyes. The oddly built stone chapel took on
a new and more personal meaning. With a quick
gesture he thrust the books back into their place,
extinguished the lamp, and softly left the room.
Gaining the hall, he did not turn towards the stairs;
but tiptoeing to the table, picked up his cap, crossed
the hall noiselessly and opened the outer door.
The warmth of the August day was still
heavy on the air as he stepped into the open; a great
copper-colored moon hung low over the sea, and a soft,
filmy haze lay over both land and water. Without
hesitation he turned into the cliff path, and followed
it until his quick eyes caught the indistinct foot-track
that he had discovered earlier in the evening.
With the same decision, the same suggestion of anticipation,
he stepped rapidly forward and once more began the
sharp ascent.
The impetus of his curiosity carried
him forward; he mounted the path in hot haste; then,
as he gained the summit, he halted again, but in new
surprise. In the hazy, mellow moonlight, the small
building stood out sharp and dark as on his previous
visit, but from the round, stained-glass window a
flood of light-crimson, rose-color, and
gold-poured out into the night.