CONCERNING A SERMON WHICH NEVER WAS PREACHED AND OTHER MATTERS OF LOCAL INTEREST

Before passing on to more dignified matters, that period of nine days demands to be noted during which the inhabitants of Deadham, all very much agog, celebrated the wonder of Miss Bilson’s indisputable disappearance and Damaris Verity’s reported adventure.

Concerning the former, Dr. Horniblow, good man, took himself seriously to task, deploring his past action and debating his present duty.

“It is no use, Jane,” he lamented to his wife. The two had retired for the night, darkness and the bedclothes covering them. “I am very much worried about my share in the matter.”

“But, my dear James, you really are overscrupulous. What share had you?”

The clerical wife does not always see eye to eye with her spouse in respect of his female parishioners, more particularly, perhaps, the unmarried ones. Mrs. Horniblow loved, honoured, and within reasonable limits obeyed her James; but this neither prevented her being shrewd, nor knowing her James, after all, to be human. Remembrance of Theresa, heading the Deadham procession during the inspection of Harchester Cathedral, sandwiched in between him and the Dean, still rankled in her wifely bosom.

“I overpersuaded Miss Bilson to accompany us on the choir treat. I forgot she must not be regarded as an entirely free agent. She has shown interest in parish work and really proved very useful and obliging. Her acquaintance with architecture the technical terms, too is unusually accurate for a member of your sex.”

“Her business is teaching,” said the lady.

“And I can’t but fear I have been instrumental in her loss of an excellent position.”

“If her learning is as remarkable as you consider it, she will doubtless soon secure another.”

“Ah! you’re prejudiced, my love. One cannot but be struck, at times, by the harshness with which even women of high principle, like yourself, judge other women.”

“Possibly the highness of my principles may be accountable for my judgments in some cases.”

“Argument is very unrestful,” the vicar remarked, turning over on his side.

“But there would be an end of conversation if I always agreed with you.”

“Tut tut,” he murmured. Then with renewed plaintiveness “I cannot make up my mind whether it is not my duty, my chivalrous duty, to seek an interview with Sir Charles Verity and explain put the aspects of the case to him as I see them.”

“Call on him by all means. I’ll go with you. We ought, in common civility, to enquire for Damaris after this illness of hers. But don’t explain or attempt to enlarge on the case from your own point of view. Sir Charles will consider it an impertinence. It won’t advantage Miss Bilson and will embroil you with the most important of your parishioners. The wisdom of the serpent is permitted, on occasion even recommended.”

“A most dangerous doctrine, Jane, most dangerous, save under authority.”

“What authority can be superior to that under which the recommendation was originally given?”

“My love, you become slightly profane. I implore you don’t argue and at this hour! When a woman touches on exegesis, on theology “

“All I know upon those subjects you, dear, have taught me.”

“Ah! well ah! well” the good man returned, at once mollified and suspicious. For might not the compliment be regarded as something of a back-hander? “We can defer our decision till to-morrow. Perhaps we had better, as you propose, call together. I need not go straight to the point, but watch my opportunity and slip in a word edgeways.”

He audibly yawned the hint, like the yawn, a broad one. The lady did not take it, however. So far she had held her own; more had nicely secured her ends. But further communications trembled upon her tongue. The word is just literally trembled, for they might cause anger, and James’ anger it happened rarely she held in quite, to herself, uncomfortable respect.

“I fear there is a good deal of objectionable gossip going about the village just now,” she tentatively commenced.

“Then pray don’t repeat it to me, my love” another yawn and an irritable one. “Gossip as you know is abhorrent to me.”

“And to me but one needs to be forearmed with the truth if one is to rebut it conclusively. Only upon such grounds should I think of mentioning this to you.”

She made a dash.

“James, have you by chance ever heard peculiar rumours about young Darcy Faircloth’s parentage?”

“In mercy, Jane what a question! and from you! I am inexpressibly shocked.”

“So was I, when I won’t mention names when such rumours were hinted to me. I assured the person with whom I was talking that I had never heard a word on the subject. But she said, ‘One can’t help having eyes.’”

“Or, some of you, noses for carrion.”

Here he gave her the advantage. She was not slow to make play with it.

“Now it is my turn to be shocked,” she said “and not, I think, James, without good cause.”

“Yes, I apologize,” the excellent man answered immediately. “I apologize; but to have so foul a suggestion of parochial scandal let loose on me suddenly, flung in my teeth, as I may say and by you! I was taken off my guard and expressed myself coarsely. Yes, Jane, I apologize.”

“Then I have you authority for contradicting these rumours?”

The Vicar of Deadham groaned in the darkness, and rustled under the bedclothes. His perplexity was great on being thus confronted by the time-honoured question as to how far, in the interests of public morality, it is justifiable for the private individual roundly to lie. Finally he banked on compromise, that permanently presiding genius of the Church of England ‘as by law established.’

“You have me on the hip, my love,” he told his wife quite meekly.

But, as she began rather eagerly to speak, he stopped her.

“Let be, my dear Jane,” he bade her, “let be. I neither deny or confirm the rumours to which I imagine you allude. Silence is most becoming for us both. Continue to assure any persons, ill-advised and evil-minded enough to approach you I trust they may prove but few that you have never heard a word of this subject. You will never I can confidently promise you hear one from me. I shall make it my duty to preach on the iniquity of back-biting, tale-bearing, scandal-mongering next Sunday, and put some to the blush, as I trust. St. Paul will furnish me with more than one text eminently apposite. Let me think let me see hum ah! yes.”

And he fell to quoting from the Pauline epistles in Greek to the lively annoyance of his auditor, whose education, though solid did not include a knowledge of those languages vulgarly known as “dead.” She naturally sought means to round on him.

“Might you not compromise yourself rather by such a sermon, James?” she presently said.

“Compromise myself? Certainly not. Pray, Jane, how?”

“By laying yourself open to the suspicion of a larger acquaintance with the origin of those rumours than you are willing to admit.”

The shaft went home.

“This is a mere attempt to draw me. You are disingenuous.”

“Nothing of the sort,” the lady declared. “My one object is to protect you from criticism. And preaching upon gossip must invite rather than allay interest, thus giving this particular gossip a new lease of life. The application would be too obvious. Clearly, James, it would be wiser to wait.”

“The serpent, again the serpent and one I’ve warmed in my bosom, too” Then aloud “I will think it over, my love. Possibly your view may be the right one. It is worth consideration. That must be sufficient. And now, Jane, I do implore you give over discussion and let us say good night.”

It may be registered as among the consequences of these nocturnal exercises, that Dr. Horniblow abstained from tickling the ears of his congregation, on the following Sunday, with a homily founded upon the sin tale-bearing; and that he duly called, next day, at The Hard accompanied by his wife.

The visit not inconceivably to his inward thanksgiving proved unfruitful of opportunity for excusing Miss Bilson, to her former employer, by accusing himself, Sir Charles Verity’s courtesy being of an order calculated to discourage any approach to personal topics. Unfruitful, also, of enlightenment to Mrs. Horniblow respecting matters which as the good lady ashamedly confessed to herself although forbidden by her lord, still intrigued her while, of course, they most suitably shocked. For the life of her she could not help looking out for signs of disturbance and upheaval. But found none, unless and that presented a conundrum difficult of solution Damaris’ pretty social readiness and grace in the reception of her guests might be, in some way, referable to lately reported events. That, and the fact the young girl was as the saying is “all eyes” eyes calm, fathomless, reflective, which yet, when you happened to enter their sphere of vision, covered you with a new-born gentleness. Mrs. Horniblow caught herself growing lyrical thinking of stars, of twin mountain lakes, the blue-purple of ocean. A girl in love is blessed with just such eyes sometimes. Whereupon, remembering her own two girls, May and Doris good as gold, bless them, yet, her shrewdness pronounced, when compared with Damaris, but homely pieces the excellent woman sighed.

What did it all then amount to? Mrs. Horniblow’s logic failed. “All eyes” and very lovely ones at that Damaris might be; yet her tranquillity and serenity appeared beyond question. Must thrilling mystery be voted no more than a mare’s-nest? Only, did not the fact remain that James had refused to commit himself either way, thereby naturally landing himself in affirmation up to the neck? She gave it up.

But, even in the giving up, could not resist probing just a little. The two gentlemen were out of earshot, standing near the glass door. How James’ black, bow-windowed figure and the fixed red in his clean-shaven, slightly pendulous cheeks, did show up to be sure, in the light! Unprofitable gift of observation, for possession of which she so frequently had cause to reproach herself.

“You still look a little run down and pale, my dear,” she said. “It isn’t for me to advise, but wouldn’t a change of air and scene be good, don’t you think?”

Damaris assured her not in any case not yet. Later, after Christmas, she and her father might very likely go abroad. But till then they had a full programme of guests.

“Colonel Carteret comes to us next week; and my aunt Felicia always likes to be here in November. She enjoys that month at the seaside, finding it, she says, so poetic.”

Damaris smiled, her eyes at once, and more than ever, eloquent and unfathomable.

“And I learned only this morning an old Anglo-Indian friend of ours, Mrs. Mackinder, whom I should be quite dreadfully sorry to miss, is spending the autumn at Stourmouth.”

Mrs. Horniblow permitted herself a dash.

“At Stourmouth yes?” she ventured. “That reminds me. I hear how far the information is correct I cannot pretend to say that kind little person, Miss Bilson, has been there with Miss Verity this last week. I observed we had not met her in the village just lately. I hope you have good news of her. When is she expected back?”

Without hesitation or agitation came the counter-stroke.

“I don’t know,” Damaris answered. “Her plans, I believe, are uncertain at present. You and Dr. Horniblow will stay to tea with us, won’t you?” this charmingly. “It will be here in a very few minutes I can ring for it at once.”

And the lady laughed to herself, good-temperedly accepting the rebuff. For it was neatly delivered, and she could admire clever fencing even though she herself were pinked. As to tea, she protested positive shame at prolonging her visit for didn’t it already amount rather to a “visitation?” yet retained her seat with every appearance of satisfaction. If the truth must be told, Mrs. Cooper’s cakes were renowned throughout society at Deadham, as of the richest, the most melting in the mouth; and James hence not improbably the tendency to abdominal protuberance possessed an inordinate fondness for cakes. He had shown himself so docile in respect of projected inflammatory sermons, and of morning calls personally conducted by his wife, that the latter could not find it in her heart to ravish him away from these approaching very toothsome delights. Nay let him stay and eat for was not such staying good policy, she further reflected, advertising the fact she bore no shadow of malice towards her youthful hostess for that neatly delivered rebuff.

After this sort, therefore, was gossip, for the time being at all events, scotched if not actually killed. Parochial excitement flagged the sooner, no doubt, because, of the four persons chiefly responsible for its creation, two were invisible and the remaining two apparently quite unconscious of its ever having existed. Mrs. Lesbia Faircloth, at the Inn, the Vicar’s wife left out of the count. If Sir Charles Verity and Damaris had hurried away, gossip would have run after them with liveliest yelpings. But this practise of masterly inactivity routed criticism. How far was it studied, cynical on the part of the father, or innocent upon that of the daughter, she could not tell one bit; but that practically it carried success along with it, she saw to be indubitable. “Face the music and the band stops playing” so she put it to herself, as she walked down the drive to the front gate, her James was he just a trifle crestfallen, good man? strolling, umbrella in hand, beside her.

All subsequent outbreaks of gossip may be described as merely sporadic. They did not spread. As when, for instance, peppery little Dr. Cripps still smarting under Dr. McCabe’s introduction into preserves he had reckoned exclusively his own advised himself to throw off a nasty word or so on the subject to Commander Battye and Captain Taylor, over strong waters and cigars in his surgery tea, the ladies, and the card-table left to their own devices in the drawing-room meanwhile one evening after a rubber of whist.

“Damn bad taste, I call it, in a newcomer like Cripps,” the sailor had remarked later to the soldier. “But if a man isn’t a gentleman what can you expect?” And with that, as among local persons of quality, the matter finally dropped.

Mrs. Doubleday and Butcher Cleave, to give an example from a lower social level, agreed, across the former’s counter in the village shop, that

“It is the duty of every true Christian to let bygones be bygones and a downright flying in the face of Providence, as you may say, to do otherwise, when good customers, whose money you’re sure of, are so scarce. For without The Hard and to give everyone their due without the Island also, where would trade have been in Deadham these ten years and more past? Mum’s the word, take it from me,” and each did take it from the other, with rich conviction of successfully making the best of both worlds, securing eternal treasure in Heaven while cornering excellent profits on earth.

William Jennifer had many comments to make in the matter, and with praiseworthy reticence concluded to make them mainly to himself. The majority of them, it is to be feared, were humorous to the point of being unsuited to print, but the refrain may pass

“And to think if I hadn’t happened to choose that particular day to take the little dorgs and the ferrets ratting, the ’olé bleesed howd’ye do might never have come to pass! Tidy sum, young master Darcy’s in my debt, Lord succour him, for the rest of his nat’ral life!”