The passing of the evening afterwards
is the only true test of a dinner’s success.
Many a good dinner, enlivened with wine and made brilliant
with repartee, has died out in gloom. The guests
have all said their best things during the meal, and
nothing is left but to smoke moodily and look at the
clock. Our heroes were not of that mettle.
They meant to have some sort of fun, and the various
amusements of Sydney were canvassed. It was unanimously
voted too hot for the theatres, ditto for billiards.
There were no supporters for a proposal to stop in
the smoking-room and drink, and gambling in the card-rooms
had no attractions on such a night. At last Gordon
hit off a scent. “What do you say,”
he drawled, “if we go and have a look at a dancing
saloon one of these larrikin dancing saloons?”
“I’d like it awfully,” said one
Englishman.
“Most interesting” said
the other. “I’ve heard such a lot
about the Australian larrikin. What they call
a basher in England, isn’t it? eh, what?
Sort of rough that lays for you with a pal and robs
you, eh?”
The Bo’sun rang for cigars and
liqueurs, and then answered the question.
“Pretty much the same as a basher,” he
said, “but with a lot more science and dog-cunning
about him. They go in gangs, and if you hit one
of the gang, all the rest will ‘deal with you,’
as they call it. If they have to wait a year
to get you, they’ll wait, and get you alone some
night or other and set on to you. They jump on
a man if they get him down, too. Oh, they’re
regular beauties.”
“Rather roughish sort of Johnnies,
eh?” said the Englishman. “But we
might go and see the dancing no harm in
that.”
Pinnock said he had to go back to
his office; the globe-trotter didn’t care about
going out at night; and the Bo’sun tried to laugh
the thing off. “You don’t catch me
going,” he said. “There’s nothing
to be seen just a lot of flash young rowdies
dancing. You’ll gape at them, and they’ll
gape at you, and you’ll feel rather a pair of
fools, and you’ll come away. Better stop
and have a rubber.”
“If you dance with any of their
women, you get her particular fancy-man on to you,
don’t you?” asked Gordon. “It’s
years since I was at that sort of place myself.”
The Bo’sun, who knew nothing
about it, assumed the Sir Oracle at once.
“I don’t suppose their
women would dance with you if you paid ’em five
shillings a step,” he said. “There’d
certainly be a fight if they did. Are you fond
of fighting, Carew?”
“Not a bit,” replied that
worthy. “Never fight if you can help it.
No chap with any sense ever does.”
“That’s like me,”
said Gordon. “I’d sooner run a mile
than fight, any time. I’m like a rat if
I’m cornered, but it takes a man with a stockwhip
to corner me. I never start fighting till I’m
done running. But we needn’t get into a
row. I vote we go. Will you come, Carew?”
“Oh, yes; I’d like to,”
said the Englishman. “I don’t suppose
we need get into a fight.”
So, after many jeers from the Bo’sun,
and promises to come back and tell him all about it,
Carew and Gordon sallied forth, a pair of men as capable
of looking after themselves as one would meet in a
day’s march. Stepping into the street they
called a cab.
“Where to, sir?” asked the cabman.
“Nearest dancing saloon,” said Gordon,
briefly.
“Nearest darncin’ saloon,”
said the cabman. “There ain’t no parties
to-night, sir; it’s too ’ot.”
“We’re not expecting to
drop into a ballroom without being asked, thank you,”
said Gordon. “We want to go to one of those
saloons where you pay a shilling to go in. Some
place where the larrikins go.”
“Ho! is that it, sir?”
said the cabman, with a grin. “Well, I’ll
take you to a noo place, most selectest place I know.
Git up, ’orse.” And off they
rattled through the quiet streets, turning corners
and crossing tramlines every fifty yards apparently,
and bumping against each other in the most fraternal
manner.
Soon the cab pulled up in a narrow,
ill-lit street, at the open door of a dingy house.
Instructing the cabman to wait, they hustled upstairs,
to be confronted at the top by a man who took a shilling
from each, and then was not sure whether he would
admit them. He didn’t seem to like their
form exactly, and muttered something to a by-stander
as they went in. They saw a long, low room, brilliantly
lighted by flaring gas jets. Down one side, on
wooden forms, was seated a row of flashily-dressed
girls larrikin-esses on their native
heath, barmaids from cheap, disreputable hotels,
shop girls, factory girls all sharp-faced
and pert, young in years, but old in knowledge of
evil. The demon of mischief peeped out of their
quick-moving, restless eyes. They had elaborate
fringes, and their short dresses exhibited well-turned
ankles and legs.
A large notice on the wall stated
that “Gentlemen must not dance with nails in
their boots. Gentlemen must not dance together.”
“That blocks us,” said
Gordon, pointing to the notice. “Can’t
dance together, no matter how much we want to.
Look at these fellows here.”
Opposite the women sat or lounged
a score or two of youths wiry, hard-faced
little fellows, for the most part, with scarcely a
sizeable man amongst them. They were all clothed
in “push” evening dress black
bell-bottomed pants, no waistcoat, very short black
paget coat, white shirt with no collar, and a gaudy
neckerchief round the bare throat. Their boots
were marvels, very high in the heel and picked out
with all sorts of colours down the sides. They
looked “varminty” enough for anything;
but the shifty eyes, low foreheads, and evil faces
gave our two heroes a sense of disgust. The Englishman
thought that all the stories he had heard of the Australian
larrikin must be exaggerated, and that any man who
was at all athletic could easily hold his own among
such a poor-looking lot. The whole spectacle was
disappointing. The most elaborately decorous
order prevailed; no excitement or rough play was noticeable,
and their expedition seemed likely to be a failure.
The bushman stared down the room with
far-seeing eyes, apparently looking at nothing, and
contemplated the whole show with bored indifference.
“Nothing very dazzling about
this,” he said. “I’m afraid
we can’t show you anything very exciting here.
Better go back to the club, eh?”
Just then the band (piano and violin)
struck up a slow, laboured waltz, “Bid me Good-bye
and go,” and each black-coated male, with languid
self-possession, strolled across the room, seized a
lady by the arm, jerked her to her feet without saying
a syllable, and commenced to dance in slow, convulsive
movements, making a great many revolutions for very
little progress. Two or three girls were left
sitting, as their partners were talking in a little
knot at the far end of the room; one among them was
conspicuously pretty, and she began to ogle Carew in
a very pronounced way.
“There’s one hasn’t
got a partner,” said Gordon. “Good-looking
Tottie, too. Go and ask her to dance. See
what she says.”
The Englishman hesitated for a second.
“I don’t like asking a perfect stranger
to dance,” he said.
“Go on,” said Gordon, “it’s
all right. She’ll like it.”
Carew drew down his cuffs, squared
his shoulders, assumed his most absolutely stolid
drawing-room manner, and walked across the room, a
gleaming vision of splendour in his immaculate evening
dress.
“May I er have
the pleasure of this dance?” he said, with elaborate
politeness.
The girl giggled a little, but said
nothing, then rose and took his arm.
As she did so, a youth among the talkers
at the other end of the room looked round, and stared
for a second. Then he moistened his fingers with
his tongue, smoothed the hair on his temples, and with
elbows held out from his sides, shoulders hunched
up, and under-jaw stuck well out, bore down on Carew
and the girl, who were getting under way when he came
up. Taking not the slightest notice of Carew,
he touched the girl on the shoulder with a sharp peremptory
tap, and brought their dance to a stop.
“’Ere,” he said,
in commanding tones. “‘Oo are you darncin’
with?”
“I’m darncin’ with
’im,” answered the girl, pertly, indicating
the Englishman with a jerk of her head.
“Ho, you’re darncin’
with ’im, are you? ’E brought you
’ere, p’r’aps?”
“No, he didn’t,” she said.
“No,” said he. “You know well
enough ’e didn’t.”
While this conversation was going
on, the English-man maintained an attitude of dignified
reserve, leaving it to the lady to decide who was
to be the favoured man. At last he felt it was
hardly right for an Oxford man, and a triple blue
at that, to be discussed in this contemptuous way
by a larrikin and his “donah,” so he broke
into the discussion, perhaps a little abruptly, but
using his most polished style.
“I ah asked
this lady to dance, and if she er will
do me the honour,” he said, “I
“Oh! you arst ’er to darnce?
And what right ’ad you to arst ’er to
darnce, you lop-eared rabbit?” interrupted the
larrikin, raising his voice as he warmed to his subject.
“I brought ’er ’ere. I paid
the shillin’. Now then, you take your ’ook,”
he went on, pointing sternly to the door, and talking
as he would to a disobedient dog. “Go on,
now. Take your ’ook.”
The Englishman said nothing, but his
jaw set ominously. The girl giggled, delighted
at being the centre of so much observation. The
band stopped playing, and the dancers crowded round.
Word was passed down that it was a “toff darncin’
with Nugget’s donah,” and from various
parts of the room black-coated duplicates of Nugget
hurried swiftly to the scene.
The doorkeeper turned to Gordon.
“You ‘d best get your mate out o’
this,” he said. “These are the Rocks
Push, and they’ll deal with him all right.”
“Deal with him, will they?”
said Gordon, looking at the gesticulating Nugget.
“They’ll bite off more than they can chew
if they interfere with him. This is just his
form, a row like this. He’s a bit of a champion
in a rough-and-tumble, I believe.”
“Is he?” said the doorkeeper,
sardonically. “Well, look ’ere, now,
you take it from me, if there’s a row Nugget
will spread him out as flat as a newspaper. They’ve
all been in the ring in their time, these coves.
There’s Nugget, and Ginger, and Brummy all
red ’ot. You get him away!”
Meanwhile the Englishman’s ire
was gradually rising. He was past the stage of
considering whether it was worth while to have a fight
over a factory girl in a shilling dancing saloon,
and the desire for battle blazed up in his eyes.
He turned and confronted Nugget.
“You go about your business,”
he said, dropping all the laboured politeness out
of his tones. “If she likes to dance
He got no further. A shrill whistle
rang through the room; a voice shouted, “Don’t
’it ’im; ’ook ’im!” His
arms were seized from behind and pinioned to his sides.
The lights were turned out. Somebody in front
hit him a terrific crack in the eye at the same moment
that someone else administered a violent kick from
the rear. He was propelled by an invisible force
to the head of the stairs, and then whizz!
down he went in one prodigious leap, clear from the
top to the first landing.
Here, in pitch-darkness, he grappled
one of his assailants. For a few seconds they
swayed and struggled, and then rolled down the rest
of the stairs, over and over each other, grappling
and clawing, each trying to tear the other’s
shirt off. When they rolled into the street, Carew
discovered that he had hold of Charlie Gordon.
They sat up and looked at each other.
Then they made a simultaneous rush for the stairs,
but the street door was slammed in their faces.
They kicked it violently, but without result, except
that a mob of faces looked out of the first-floor
window and hooted, and a bucket of water was emptied
over them. A crowd collected as if by magic, and
the spectacle of two gentlemen in evening dress trying
to kick in the door of a shilling dancing saloon afforded
it unmitigated delight.
“’Ere’s two toffs got done in all
right,” said one.
“What O! Won’t she
darnce with you?” said another; and somebody
from the back threw banana peel at them.
Charlie recovered his wits first.
The Englishman was fairly berserk with rage, and glared
round on the bystanders as if he contemplated a rush
among them. The cabman put an end to the performance.
He was tranquil and unemotional, and he soothed them
down and coaxed them into the cab. The band in
the room above resumed the dreamy waltz music of “Bid
me Good-bye and go!” and they went.
Carew subsided into the corner, breathing
hard and feeling his eye. Charlie leant forward
and peered out into the darkness. They were nearly
at the club before they spoke. Then he said, “Well,
I’m blessed! We made a nice mess of that,
didn’t we?”
“I’d like to have got
one fair crack at some of ’em,” said the
Englishman, with heartfelt earnestness. “Couldn’t
we go back now?”
“No what’s the good?
We’d never get in. Let the thing alone.
We needn’t say anything about it. If once
it gets known that we were chucked out, we’ll
never hear the last of it. Are you marked at all?”
“Got an awful swipe in the eye,”
replied the other briefly.
“I’ve got a cut lip, and
my head nearly screwed off. You did that.
I’ll know the place again. Some day we’ll
get a few of the right sort to come with us, and we’ll
just go there quietly, as if we didn’t mean anything,
and then, all of a sudden, we’ll turn in and
break the whole place up! Come and have a drink
now.”
They had a silent drink in the deserted
club. The mind of each was filled with a sickening
sense of defeat, and without much conversation they
retired to bed. They thanked heaven that the Bo’sun,
Pinnock, and Gillespie had disappeared.
Even then Fate hadn’t quite
finished with the bushman. A newly-joined member
of the club, he had lived a life in which he had to
shift for himself, and the ways of luxury were new
to him. Consequently, when he awoke next morning
and saw a man moving with cat-like tread about his
room, absolutely taking the money out of his clothes
before his very eyes, he sprang out of bed with a
bound and half-throttled the robber. Then, of
course, it turned out that it was only the bedroom
waiter, who was taking his clothes away to brush them.
This contretemps, on top of the overnight mishap,
made him determined to get away from town with all
speed. When he looked in the glass, he found his
lip so much swelled that his moustache stuck out in
front like the bowsprit of a ship. At breakfast
he joined the Englishman, who had an eye with as many
colours as an opal, not to mention a tired look and
dusty boots.
“Are you only just up?”
asked Charlie, as they contemplated each other.
Carew had resumed his mantle of stolidity,
but he coloured a little at the question. “I’ve
been out for a bit of a walk round town,” he
said. “Fact is,” he added in a sudden
burst of confidence, “I’ve been all over
town lookin’ for that place where we were last
night. Couldn’t find anything like it at
all.”
Charlie laughed at his earnestness.
“Oh, bother the place,” he said. “If
you had found it, there wouldn’t have been any
of them there. Now, about ourselves we
can’t show out like this. We’d better
be off to-day, and no one need know anything about
it. Besides, I half-killed a waiter this morning.
I thought he was some chap stealing my money, when
he only wanted to take my clothes away to brush ’em.
Sooner we’re out of town the better. I’ll
wire to the old man that I’ve taken you with
me.”
So saying, they settled down to breakfast,
and by tacit agreement avoided the club for the rest
of the day.
Before leaving, Charlie had to call
and interview Pinnock, and left Carew waiting outside
while he went in. He didn’t want to parade
their injuries, and knew that Carew’s eye would
excite remark; but by keeping his upper lip well drawn
over his teeth, he hoped his own trouble would escape
notice.
“Seems a harmless sort of chap,
that new chum,” said Pinnock.
“He’ll do all right,”
said Charlie casually. “I’ve met his
sort before. He’s not such a fool as he
lets on to be. Shouldn’t wonder if he killed
somebody before he gets back here, anyhow.”
“How did you get on at the dancing
saloon?” asked Pinnock.
“Oh, slow enough. Nothing worth seeing.
Good-bye.”
They sneaked on board the steamer
without meeting the Bo’sun or anybody, and before
evening were well on their way to No Man’s Land.