Mrs. Lathrop had been unable to attend the usual Friday afternoon Sewing Society on account of her pickling. She had completely forgotten what day of the week it was until she had picked all of a dozen cucumbers and it was then too late to stay the tide of events. The pickling had to go forward, and one of the best listeners in the Sewing Society was forced to remain away in consequence.

“I guess you’ll have to go a-” she called across the open space between their kitchen doors when she saw Susan putting on her black mitts in the window about two o’clock,-the hour at which they usually sallied forth in company.

“Alone,” Susan called back-“well, I should say ‘t I am goin’ alone. ’F you c’u’d see yourself this minute, Mrs. Lathrop; you’d easy understand ’t even ’f you wanted to go no one in their senses ’d be able to go with you f’r fear o’ bein’ took for a lunatic.”

Mrs. Lathrop glanced dubiously down over herself.

“I spilt-” she began apologetically.

“I c’n see it from here,” said Susan, “‘n’ ’s long ’s we’re on the subjeck I want to remark right now ‘t, with the wind settin’ the way it ‘s blowin’ to-day, I don’t want you to burn nothin’ while I’m gone. ‘F you’ll excuse my bein’ so open with you, Mrs. Lathrop, I’ll say ’t a woman in your circumstances ought not to waste nothin’ by burnin’ it anyhow, ‘n’ ‘f she does do anythin’ so foolish no woman in my circumstances ’d ought to have her house all smelled up.”

“I ain’t goin’-” began the neighbor.

“That reminds me ’t I am,” rejoined she of the black mitts; and so saying, she quitted the window and was presently seen departing down her front walk,-a pleasing object in a bonnet of the jetted era and a shawl of no date whatever.

Mrs. Lathrop divided her afternoon between active service over the vinegar kettle and long rests of delicious unconsciousness in the kitchen rocker. Her temperament was not one which wore itself out in vain regrets over what might have been, and then too she knew that Susan was at the meeting and from Susan she would learn all that might there transpire. About half-past five she began to glance out of the window which looked furthest down the street, and some ten minutes later her watching was rewarded by the sight of Miss Clegg and another lady approaching slowly. An animated conversation appeared to be in progress between the two, and at the gate of Mrs. Lathrop’s dearest friend they made a long halt while the latter appeared to be laying down some form of law with uncommon vigor and pointing its points off with her knitting, which she waved about in a manner unwontedly reckless.

Mrs. Lathrop-having not only spilt more during the afternoon, but also been twice the victim of what is technically known as “boiling over”-felt quite unable to make a third at the gate party, and so was forced to masticate her impatience and hover in the window until Susan turned at last and came up her walk.

“Can you come-” then called the eager waiter.

“Not till after I get my supper,” the other replied.

Mrs. Lathrop sighed, and forced herself to further patience. It was all of seven when Miss Clegg finally came over.

“I’ll sit on the steps,” she announced. “Bein’ ’s we’re such friends, Mrs. Lathrop, I may ’s well say right here ‘n’ now ’t I would n’t sit down in your kitchen this night for no money. I’d carry the spots till I died most likely ‘n’ have no one but myself to blame f’r it. You may not thank me f’r sayin’ it to your face, but it isn’t in me to deceive so much ’s a water-bug, ‘n’ ’f I live to be a hunderd I c’d never forget seein’ you make a chocolate cake once. I c’d make a chocolate cake ‘n’ a king might eat off o’ my cuffs ‘n’ collar when I was through, but what surprised me about your chocolate cake, Mrs. Lathrop, was ’t you did n’t get into the oven with it in the end, for I’ll take my Bible oath ’s you had ’s much on you ’s on any pan.”

“We c’n sit on the-” said Mrs. Lathrop pleasantly.

“I ‘m sittin’ there already,” said the caller, “‘n’ whenever you get ready to listen I ’ll tell you about this afternoon, for it was the most interestin’ meetin’ ’t we’ve had since Mrs. Jewett’s leg come off to her chair ‘n’ she run the crochet-hook so far in-you recollec’?-’n’ the doctors didn’t know which way to pull it out. Young Dr. Brown was for pushin’ it on through ’cause the hook would catch ’f he drawed it out on the crochet principle, ‘n’ old Dr. Carter said it wouldn’t do to put it through ’cause it was a fancy Chinese thing ’t old Captain Jewett’s father brought from China ‘n’ there was a man’s head on the other end with his mustache makin’ two crochet-hooks, one each side.”

“What did-” said Mrs. Lathrop.

“Don’t you remember?-Mrs. Jewett come to ‘n’ told ’em ’t the middle was for needles ‘n’ ’t all they had to do was to unscrew it ‘n’ take it out opposite ways, ‘n’ then she fainted, ‘n’ then they did, ‘n’ no one thought of there bein’ needles in it, ‘n’ they fell out ‘n’ she had shootin’ pains from havin’ ’em in her for ever so long. Mrs. Macy was sayin’ only the other day ‘t to her order o’ thinkin’ Mrs. Jewett died o’ the darnin’-needles. She says she was forever grabbin’ herself somewhere with a sudden yell, ‘n’ no matter what the doctors said it was jus’ them needles, ‘n’ no sensible person ’s saw her actions could doubt it. Mrs. Macy says it was a awful lesson to her against keepin’ loose needles in screw things,-she says ’t her son sent her a egg from the World’s Fair with every kind of needle in it, but she wasn’t takin’ no chances, ‘n’ she took them needles right out ‘n’ put buttons in instead.”

“I remember she died,” said Mrs. Lathrop thoughtfully, “but I-”

“It don’t matter,” said Susan. “My, but it’s hot! It’s been awful hot this week, ‘n’ this afternoon it was all but bilin’ down there in that little parlor o’ Mrs. Craig’s. I was f’r sittin’ on the porch, but Gran’ma Mullins rocked off a porch once ‘n’ she was f’r sittin’ where she couldn’t rock off nothin’. I said she could sit on the grass, but she was fussy about that too-said a poison-spider bit her foot once ‘n’ she had it come on reg’lar every year f’r seven years after. I come nigh to feelin’ put out, but Mrs. Sperrit spoke up just then ‘n’ asked ’f we’d any of us noticed how terrible worn the minister’s wife was lookin’ ‘n’ didn’t we think ’t he’d ought to have a vacation? It was that ‘t made the meetin’ so interesting f’r in all the years ’t we’ve had the minister no one ever thought o’ givin’ him a vacation afore, ‘n’ when you think how long we’ve had him ‘n’ how steady we’ve gone to church as a consequence, I must say ’t I think ’t it’s more ’n surprisin’ ’t we didn’t give him a vacation long ago. I must say, though, ’t my first idea was ’t it was a curious thing to give the minister a vacation so as to rest his wife, although I d’n’ know ’s we could do any thin’ kinder for her ’n to get rid of him f’r a spell. Then too, to my order o’ thinkin’, our minister ain’t really ever in need o’ no rest, and ’f he needs a change my say would be ’Set him to work.’ I said all that to ’em all down there, ‘n’ Mrs. Sperrit went on then ‘n’ said ’t her idea was f’r ’em both to go, so ’s we could all sort o’ take a breathin’ space together. I agreed with her about the breathin,’ f’r I don’t believe no other minister ’n ours ever had thirteen children born in the same house, ‘n’ I’m free to remark ’t if a new minister did n’t always sit so solid for new wall-paper ‘n’ the cistern cleaned out, I’m pretty sure ’t the last half-dozen childern ‘n’ his second wife would certainly have found themselves bein’ born elsewhere. ‘N’, such bein’ the case, I don’t blame no man f’r wantin’ a little free time, ‘n’ so I joined in, ‘n’ Mrs. Allen moved ’t we all unbutton our collars ‘n’ discuss the matter, ‘n’ Gran’ma Mullins took off her cap ‘n’ we begun right then ‘n’ there. Mrs. Brown said ’t if they was a-goin’ now was a very good time ’cause the baby was a year old, ‘n’ I said ’t I c’d agree with her there ’cause if we waited till next summer the baby might be only a month old or maybe only a week old-f’r I must say ’t so far ’s my observation ’s extended there never is no countin’ on how old a minister’s baby ‘s goin’ be ’t any given time. Gran’ma Mullins interrupted me ‘n’ said ’t if we’d excuse her she’d go below her collar ‘n’ unbutton her top button ’cause her cousin bought it ready-made ‘n’ all she could tell the clerk was ’t she was seventy-three years old ‘n’ so perhaps it was only natural ’t it should bind a little in the neck. ‘N’ so she did, ‘n’ then she moved her head around till she was sure she was all free ‘n’ then she said, ‘’N’ now as to them childern?’ It was kind of a shock, for no one had thought about the childern ‘n’ Mrs. Craig said pretty feeble-like ’t it wouldn’t be no rest to send the minister’s wife off with thirteen childern, ‘n’ I spoke up pretty sharp ‘n’ asked what kind of a rest the town ’d get if them thirteen childern was left behind. I c’d see ‘t I’d hit the nail on the head then, jus’ by the way ’t they all waited to get a drink afore going any further.”

Miss Clegg stopped and drew a deep breath.

Mrs. Lathrop looked anxious, not to say fearful.

“It was Mrs. Sperrit as begun again,” the narrator continued presently. “Mrs. Sperrit said why not divide the children up among us all ‘n’ each take one, ‘n’ she looked to be talkin’ sense till they started dividin’, ‘n’ then it turned out ’t naturally every one wanted the big easy ones ‘n’ no one wanted Augustus. I was dreadful uneasy myself for fear ’t I’d be ’xpected to take Brunhilde Susan on account o’ her hind half bein’ named for me, but I didn’t have to worry long, for Mrs. Allen said ’t she’d take Brunhilde Susan ’cause Polly’s tended Brunhilde Susan so much ’t she knows just what Brunhilde Susan ’ll stand ‘n’ Brunhilde Susan knows just what Polly ’ll stand. So Brunhilde Susan was fixed, but every one else was all upset ‘n’ undecided, ‘n’ it was plain ‘t nothin’ wouldn’t work, so Mrs. Macy up ‘n’ proposed ’t they put all but the baby in a sugar-bowl ‘n’ shake ’em up ‘n’ draw.

“Well, we did, ‘n’ it was ‘xcitin’, I c’n tell you, ‘n’ I wish you’d been there to see their faces. Mrs. Macy drew first, seein’ ’t it was her plan, ‘n’ she was awful put out over gettin’ Henry Ward Beecher. Seems she was countin’ on using her trundle-bed, ‘n’ she said right flat out ’t she must use her trundle-bed, ‘n’ so she jus’ up ‘n’ put Henry Ward Beecher right straight back in the sugar-bowl. Mrs. Sweet drew next, ‘n’ ’f she didn’t get Henry Ward Beecher too, ‘n’ she was madder yet ‘cause she was intendin’ to have her child sleep with Emma, ‘n’ she said ‘t her child had jus’ got to sleep with Emma, so she up ‘n’ stuffed Henry Ward Beecher back into the sugar-bowl too. Then Mrs. Brown wanted to draw, ‘n’ so they put on the cover ‘n’ shook ’em up hard, ‘n’ I couldn’t but be a little took with how anxious they was to draw when there was only twelve childern ‘n’ sixteen women, so ’t stood to reason ’t there was four as couldn’t get no child to save their necks. I didn’t try to draw none myself-I hauled out a lot of stitches ‘n’ sat back’n’ said when they was all through I’d come ‘n’ draw for you and me too, ‘n’ then I watched ’em all hurryin’ Mrs. Brown, ‘n’ ’f she didn’t get Henry Ward Beecher same ’s all the rest! But she was perfectly satisfied,-she said ’t she was lonesome now young Dr. Brown’s gone ‘n’ married and ’t Henry Ward Beecher c’d have his room. So Henry Ward Beecher was out o’ the sugar-bowl at last, ‘n’ I must say ’t it was a great relief to see him settled.”

“Who drew-” said Mrs. Lathrop.

“Mrs. Sweet drew next. ‘N’ she drew Augustus, ‘n’ when she see ’t she’d got Augustus she didn’t mince matters none,-she jus’ said she’d never have no Augustus in her house, not now ‘n’ not never, ‘n’ she put him right back, ‘n’ some one said ’t it wasn’t fair. But they shook the bowl up good, ‘n’ Gran’ma Mullins ‘d been tryin’ so hard to get a chance at it ’t they let her come next, ‘n’ she drew, ’n’-my Lord!-she let off a scream like she’d draw’d a snake ‘n’ it seemed ’t it was Bobby she’d got, ‘n’ she said, fair or not, she couldn’t abide no small boy since she god-mothered Sam Duruy, ‘n’ so we must excuse her puttin’ Bobby back into the sugar-bowl, and so back into the sugar-bowl Bobby got put. Then every one begin sayin’ ’t it wasn’t fair, ‘n’ Mrs. Sperrit stood up ‘n’ said she knowed a good way. We’d put sixteen numbers in the sugar-bowl ‘n’ all draw numbers ‘n’ then choose from the childern in accordance with our numbers, N gettin’ first pick ‘n’ N second ‘n’ so on. So we did it, ‘n’ I drew with a pretty heavy heart, I c’n assure you, Mrs. Lathrop, for Lord knows what I’d ‘a’ done if-”

“I c’d ‘a’ taken-” interposed the friend.

“Yes, ‘n’ you’d ‘a’ had to too,” rejoined the other. “I thought o’ that as I was feelin’ ‘round, prayin’ Heaven to guide me; ‘n’ it did too, for I got 14, ‘n’ after that the rest o’ the meetin’ was nothin’ but sheer circus for me. That was what you missed, Mrs. Lathrop, f’r I don’t believe there ever was or ever will be such a Sewin’ Society again. Every one quit sewin’ in the first place, ‘n’ Mrs. Duruy, who ’d got N, reflected some ‘n’ then said she ’d take Felicia Hemans ‘cause Felicia c’d help her with her sewin’. Mrs. Sweet was N, ‘n’ she took Rachel Rebecca to sleep with Emma. Then come Gran’ma Mullins, ‘n’ she studied a long while ‘n’ then at last she decided on little Jane ’cause little Jane sucks her thumb ‘n’ that’s the sign of a good child. Then Mrs. Sperrit came next, ‘n’ she said she’d take Bobby ’cause he couldn’t do no mischief out on the farm. Gran’ma Mullins shook her head ‘n’ said them laughs best as laughs last, but Mrs. Sperrit stuck to Bobby ‘n’ didn’t pay no attention to Gran’ma Mullins. Well-then Mrs. Brown took Henry Ward Beecher, ‘n’ Mrs. Kimball took Billy ’cause he’s in the store anyhow, ‘n’ Mrs. Maxwell took ’Liza Em’ly to rip, ‘n’ Mrs. Fisher took John Bunyan for weeds. ‘N’ then Mrs. Macy just pounced on the last girl for her trundle-bed, ‘n’ Mrs. Jilkins was pretty mad at there bein’ no more girls after the last one ‘n’ she give a sort o’ flounce ‘n’ said ‘Josephus,’ ‘n’ Miss White give a sort o’ groan ‘n’ said ‘Fox’ in a voice like death. ‘N’ then come the time!-Mrs. Davison was N, ‘n’ every one knew it, ‘n’ every one ‘d been lookin’ at her from time to time ‘n’ she hadn’t been lookin’ at no one, only jus’ at her number, ‘n’ when the time come f’r her to say who she’d got (for naturally she didn’t have no choice) she didn’t say nothin’ at all, only just begun to pick up all her work things ‘n’ stuff ’em in that little black bead bag o’ hers, ‘n’ there was a meanin’ way about her stuffin’ ’t said more ’n was necessary.-But o’ course some one had to speak, so Mrs. Sweet begun to smile ‘n’ say, ‘’N’ Mrs. Davison gets Augustus!’ ‘n’ at that Mrs. Davison come up out o’ her chair like it was a live coal, ‘n’ shook all over ‘n’ glared right in front of her, ‘n’ said, ’Ladies, this may appear as a joke to you, but it’s far from seemin’ funny to the one as gets Augustus. I decline Augustus right square ‘n’ sharp ‘n’ flat ‘n’ now, ‘n’ if I ever hear another word on the subjeck I shall cease to ever again play the organ in church on Sunday!’”

Miss Clegg paused dramatically.

Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in awe at the climax.

“Well, you c’d ‘a’ heard the dust settle for a minute or two! No one couldn’t think o’ nothin’ to say, f’r the only thing to say was suthin’ ‘t no one in their senses would think o’ sayin’, but o’ course some one had to say it, ‘n’ Mrs. Craig got up at last ‘n’ with the tears standin’ in her eyes ‘n’ a kind o’ sad look all around her nice tidy house, she sort o’ sighed out, ’We must have the organ Sundays, ‘n’ I’ll take Augustus.’ There was a air o’ bein’ sorry for her all over, but every one was so glad it was her ‘n’ not them ’t they couldn’t help bein’ more relieved ‘n anythin’ else, ‘n’ then we all remembered ’t we was hot, ‘n’ hungry too, so we made short work o’ app’intin’ Mrs. Allen to go ‘n’ tell the minister how everythin’ was arranged for his vacation, ‘n’ ’t it’d be a favor to us all if he could get away pretty prompt to-morrow so ’s we could be all settled down for Sunday. Mrs. Sperrit says she’ll take the bird right along with Bobby, ‘n’ Mrs. Allen says ’t if they have Brunhilde Susan they can just as well fuss with the cow too, so ’s far as I c’n see there’ll be no church Sunday, ‘n’ I certainly am grateful, for all the time ‘t I was in church last Sunday I was wishin’ ’t I was in the crick instid, ‘n’ I don’t consider such thoughts upliftin’.”

Mrs. Lathrop slapped at a mosquito.

“They say it’s better to be born lucky ’n rich,” said Susan, getting up to go, “‘n’ what you said jus’ now, Mrs. Lathrop, proves ’t it’s true in your case. For if I had been obliged to take Brunhilde Susan or any other of ’em, it’d surely ‘a’ been a awful care to you just now, what with your picklin’ ‘n’ your not bein’ no great hand at childern anyhow.”

Mrs. Lathrop assented with two slow nods.

“Mrs. Brown ‘n’ me walked home together,” said Susan, as she slowly turned her steps in the direction of her own house. “Mrs. Brown thinks she’s got the flower o’ the flock in gettin’ Henry Ward Beecher. She says he’s so big he’ll be no care a tall, except to fill his pitcher once in a while.”

“It’s Mrs. Craig as has-” said Mrs. Lathrop.

“Yes, I sh’d say so,” assented Susan.

And then they spoke no more.

The minister, on the receipt of his parishioners’ ultimatum, tarried not upon the order of his going, but went almost at once. Indeed he and his wife packed with such alacrity that at ten o’clock upon the following day (which was Saturday) they were both gone, and the thirteen children, the bird, and the cow had all been distributed according to the Sewing Society’s programme.

The day was intensely hot, and in spite of the deep interest which both felt in the wide-spread situation, neither Susan nor Mrs. Lathrop heard any news from the thirteen seats of war until late in the afternoon. At that hour Mrs. Macy called on Miss Clegg, and after the call the latter walked “as far as the square” with her friend. Mrs. Lathrop saw them go out together from her kitchen window, and when Susan failed to return, she possessed her soul with all the unlimited resignation which was her strong point.

Susan did not return until seven o’clock.

“I ain’t comin’ over,” she called from the back stoop, before Mrs. Lathrop could get to the fence; “there ain’t nothin’ particular to tell ‘n’ under them circumstances I ain’t one to bother to tell it. Every one ‘t I see was out runnin’ about ‘n’ recountin’ how much better they’re doin’ than might ‘a’ been expected. Mrs. Craig’s awful pleased over Augustus, says it was all clean slander the talk about him, for he’s ’s good ‘s gold, jus’ lays on his back on the floor ‘n’ says, ‘Wash zhat? Is zhat a fly? Zhi a fly? Zhu a fly?’ or ’Wash zhat? Zhat dinner? Zhi dinner? Zhu dinner?’ ‘n’ all you have to say is ‘Yes-No-No-No’ pretty prompt. She says she don’t consider him no care a tall ‘n’ she’s glad to have the chance to say so right out.-Mrs. Fisher was into the store while Mrs. Craig was talkin’, ‘n’ she says she’s ’mused to death over John Bunyan. Seems she was never in favor o’ Mr. Fisher’s havin’ a garden, ‘n’ now John Bunyan ’s gone ‘n’ pulled up all the beets ‘n’ five rows of little radishes. She was buyin’ him a ball an’ laughin’ to tears over how mad Mr. Fisher was. She says he took John Bunyan by the shoulders ‘n’ shook him hard ‘n’ asked him ’f he didn’t know a radish ‘n’ a beet when he saw one, ‘n’ John Bunyan spoke right up ‘n’ said, ’Course he knowed a radish ‘n’ a beet when he saw ’em, but how was any one to see a radish or a beet till after he pulled it up first?’ Oh my! but Mrs. Fisher says Mr. Fisher was hot about it, ‘n’ it was all of a half hour afore he got over his mad enough to be ready to teach John Bunyan anythin’ else, ‘n’ then he wanted to show him the first principles of graftin’, ‘n’ so she put a big plate of apples where they was handy for the boy to reach, ‘n’ come down town herself.”

Mrs. Lathrop had approached the fence step by step, and now leaned in a confidence-inspiring attitude against its firm support. The sight seemed to affect Miss Clegg without her being conscious of the fact, and she abandoned her first position on the doorstep and advanced also.

“After all, we might ’s well be comfortable while we visit,” she commented simply, when they found themselves adjusted as of old, “‘n’ come to think it over I really did hear quite a piece o’ news in town. Mrs. Duruy says she’s set Felicia Hemans to makin’ Sam some shirts ‘n’ Sam is runnin’ the sewin’-machine for ’em. Now o’ course ’f it comes to such doin’s the first day any one can figger on a week ahead, ‘n’ I had a good mind to say ’s much to Mrs. Duruy, but then I thought if I had it in me to do any warnin’ I’d best warn Felicia, ‘n’ as far ’s my experience goes a woman afore she marries a man always admires him full ’s much or maybe even more ‘n’ his own mother can, so it’s breath wasted to try ‘n’ tell either of ’em a plain truth about him. Now you know, Mrs. Lathrop, ’s I was never one to waste my breath, so when Mrs. Duruy said ‘s she was thinkin’ o’ goin’ over to Meadville to visit her cousin, now ’s she had somebody to keep her house for her, I jus’ remarked as I hoped she’d get her house back when she come back ‘n’ let it go at that. Mrs. Allen was in after mail, ‘n’ she said Brunhilde Susan was in bed, ‘n’ the cow was all milked for the night, ‘n’ her mind was easy over ’em both; ‘n’ Gran’ma Mullins was to the drug-store after some quinine to put on little Jane’s thumb. She says this week as she has little Jane she ‘ll jus’ cure her o’ thumb-suckin’ once an’ f’r all time by keepin’ it dipped in quinine.

“I didn’t see none o’ the others, but I didn’t hear o’ their bein’ in difficulties, so I come home. Mrs. Macy says Roxana sits ‘n’ weeps straight along, but she says she didn’t have no choice as to her drawin’, for between her bein’ N ‘n’ only havin’ a trundle-bed Roxana was just forced right down her throat, so she ain’t botherin’ over her a tall. She come out to make calls this afternoon, ‘n’ she says she sh’ll see to her own marketin’ same ’s ever, ‘n’ Roxana c’n weep or not weep to suit herself.”

“I’m glad you-” said Mrs. Lathrop thoughtfully.

“I am too,” said Susan quickly, “I’m glad ‘n’ I sh’ll always stay glad. I just had that one time o’ carin’ for children, ‘n’ the Lord dealt me a lion instid of a baby, ‘n’ I ’m free to confess ’t I’ve never seen no occasion to say other than Thy Will be Done. The sparrows do build awful in the notches of that lion, ‘n’ the nest in his mouth aggravates me so I d’n’ know what to do some days, but still when all’s said ‘n’ done a sparrow’s nest in the mouth of your father’s tombstone ain’t any such trial as gettin’ a child to bed nights ‘n’ keepin’ its hands clean would be. ‘N’ if I had adopted a child, Mrs. Lathrop, I sh’d cert’nly ‘a’ kept it clean, f’r, if you’ll excuse me remarkin’ it right in your face, I was raised to wash ‘n’ dust ‘n’ be neat. That’s why that nest in my lion’s mouth with the straws stickin’ every way do try me so. Mr. Kimball ‘s forever askin’ me if the lion ‘s raisin’ a beard against the winter, ‘n’ the other day he said he was give to understand ‘t it was tippin’ a little, ‘n’ I was recommended to brace him up by givin’ him raw eggs for his breakfast. Well, maybe all Mr. Kimball says is very witty, but it’s a poor kind o’ wit, I think. He makes good enough jokes about the rest of the c’mmunity, but I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, ’t I ain’t never heard one joke ’t he’s told on me ’t I considered even half-way amusin’.”

Mrs. Lathrop shook her head sadly.

Then they went in.

The Sunday which followed this particular Saturday was of a heat truly tropical. All the blinds of the Clegg and Lathrop houses stayed tightly closed all day, and it is only fair to surmise that those who remained behind them were not sorry that the minister’s absence allowed them to do so with a clear conscience.

But about half-past seven in the evening Susan’s shutters began to bang open with a succession of blast-like reports, and shortly after she emerged from her kitchen door and started down town. Mrs. Lathrop, who was of course cognizant of every movement on her neighbor’s part, saw her go and made haste to be ready against her home-coming. To that end she set her front door hospitably open, drew two rockers out upon the porch, laid a palm-leaf fan in one, and deposited herself in the other.

It was nearly an hour before Miss Clegg returned from town. She appeared very warm, but pleased with herself for having gone. As she sank down in the chair and began to agitate the fan, Mrs. Lathrop’s eyes fairly gleamed with anticipation.

“I s’pose-” she began.

“Well, no,” said Susan, “seems they ain’t, after all. The air down town is more like a revival than anythin’ else, everybody ’s up tellin’ their experience an’ callin’ out on Heaven to save ’em. ‘N’ the worst of all is Mrs. Brown!-she never knew ’t Henry Ward Beecher walks in his sleep! No more did I nor nobody else, ‘n’ I must say ’t I do think ’t the minister ’d ought to ‘a’ told some of us so’s we could ‘a’ been a little prepared, for there’s many a night ’s I’ve left clothes out on the line ’s I’d never risked ‘f I’d been aware o’ the possibility o’ Henry Ward Beecher bein’ broad-cast. Mrs. Brown says, though, ‘s it ain’t his walkin’ in his sleep as is troublin’ her, it’s his eatin’ in his walkin’. Mrs. Lathrop, you never hear the like o’ what she told me! It’s beyond all belief! He eat the Sunday layer-cake ‘n’ the Sunday-dinner pie ‘n’ the whole week’s tin o’ doughnuts, ‘n’ then went back to bed ‘n’ never turned a hair. Why, she says she never did-in all her life. She says when she see the jelly streaks on the bed an’ felt his sticky door-knob, she was all used up, for Babes in the Woods was criminal beside the way he looked to be sleepin’. ‘N’ he don’t remember nothin’ a tall to-day, not one livin’ doughnut does that boy recolleck, ‘n’ she says ’f she didn’t know it to be so on a’count o’ the empty tin she’d doubt herself an’ believe him by choice, he looks so truthful. But empty tins is empty tins, ‘n’ no one can deny that fact.

“I see Mrs. Craig too. Mrs. Craig’s some altered as to her yesterday’s view in regard to Augustus. That cat ’t she makes so much over ’s gone, ‘n’ she’s most crazy as a consequence. It’s him as she warms her feet on winters, ‘n’ when I asked her how under the sun she come to feel the need o’ it to-day she didn’t even smile. She says she asked Augustus right off ’s quick ’s she missed it, ‘n’ all he said was, ‘Wash zhat? Zhat a cat? Zhi a cat? Zhu a cat?’ ‘n’ she see ’t there wasn’t no information to be got out o’ him. She says, though, that if you bar the cat he’s pretty good, only he’s so tiresome. He follows her all over, sayin’, ’Wash zhat? Zhat a hair-pin? Zhi a hair-pin? Zhu a hair-pin?’ She says it ain’t nothin’ to really complain of, but it’s gettin’ a little wearin’, ‘n’ she was lookin’ more worried ’n her talk bore out, but Miss White come up ‘n’ begun about Fox, ‘n’ that kind o’ ended Augustus. Miss White says ’f the minister wanted to name a child after Fox’s Martyrs he was welcome, but she ‘n’ her family never bargained on bein’ the martyrs. She says ‘t Fox takes fits o’ yellin’ ‘n’ when he begins he don’t never stop. Her mother’s deaf, ‘n’ said to let the child yell it out ‘n’ teach him a lesson, but Deacon White has got his ears same as ever, ‘n’ he couldn’t stand the noise, ‘n’ so he hired Fox to stop by promisin’ him a trumpet ’s soon as the store is open to-morrow mornin’. Miss White says her mother said buyin’ trumpets was a poor kind o’ discipline, ‘n’ Mrs. Fisher come along just then ‘n’ said her notion o’ discipline was rewardin’ the good instead o’ the bad, ‘n’ ‘t she was goin’ to give John Bunyan a dish o’ cookies to keep in his washstand drawer, ’cause he went out in the garden this mornin’ while Mr. Fisher was down for the mail, ‘n’ he tried his last night’s lesson in graftin’ on things in general there, ‘n’ he grafted corn ‘n’ potatoes ‘n’ asparagus all back ‘n’ forth ‘n’ killed ’em all. She says Mr. Fisher was awful mad ‘n’ wanted to shake John Bunyan, but she jus’ up ‘n’ told Mr. Fisher ‘t she’d been tellin’ him ’t there was a mighty big difference between theory ‘n’ practice f’r these many years, ‘n’ ‘t now John Bunyan was sent by the hand o’ Providence to show him jus’ what she meant.

“I see Mrs. Macy too, ‘n’ she’s happy for the whole town. Seems Roxana was so lonesome for the other dozen ‘t she jus’ sat ‘n’ rolled down tears steady, ‘n’ this afternoon when Mrs. Sperrit drove in to see her sister she jus’ took Roxana home with her. She says Roxana ’ll be happy with Bobby on the farm, ‘n’ it’s easy to be seen as Mrs. Maxwell is envyin’ Mrs. Macy, for she says ’t it’s as plain ’s the nose on the outside o’ your face ’t ’Liza Em’ly ‘s nothin’ to rip.”

Miss Clegg ceased speech to rock and fan for a minute or two.

“Did you see-” asked Mrs. Lathrop.

“I see every one almost,” replied the other. “I see Polly Allen wheelin’ Brunhilde Susan around the square. Polly said ’t the heat was hard on the cow ‘n’ hard on Brunhilde Susan. She says the cow’s got to have suthin’ on ‘n’ Brunhilde Susan’s got to have everythin’ off or they ain’t neither of them peaceable to live with long. I ain’t so happy over Brunhilde Susan ’s I would be if she had more sense. She was cryin’ ‘Moo-moo’ at every dog she see, ‘n’ I give her a nickel to keep her quiet, ‘n’ then she up ‘n’ lost it. We hunted an’ hunted ‘n’ did everythin’ in kingdom come to find it-for I naturally didn’t feel to come away without it-’n’ finally Polly said ’s she must ‘a’ swallowed it, ‘n’ she asked her, ‘n’ she said ‘Yes,’ ‘n’ I was more ’n disgusted. It was a full minute before I could remember to thank my stars as it wasn’t a half-dollar-’s it might easy ‘a’ been, for bein’ the namesake of a child kind o’ obliges you to be nice to ’em. Brunhilde Susan can’t never expect to get nothin’ out o’ her front half, for I was give to understand ’t the Brunhilde ’s Felicia Hemans was so book-took with is long dead, ‘Dragged at horses’ tails,’ she had the face to tell me-the joint godmother!-’’N’ who by?’ I couldn’t in decency but ask.-’By the horses,’ says Felicia Hemans, a-gigglin’ fit to beat the band. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I’m pretty patient with the young in general, but I must say ’s I can’t but feel ‘t when them shirts o’ Sam Duruy’s is done ‘n’ their consequences is added up, it’s a even thing which draws the least,-him or Felicia. Mrs. Macy told me ’t Mrs. Duruy has her things all washed ‘n’ ironed to go to Meadville to-morrow, ‘n’ I reckon ’t a woman ’s is as blind ’s that ‘ll be jus’ ’s happy in Meadville as anywhere else.”

Susan paused and rose from her seat.

“Are you a-” said Mrs. Lathrop.

“Looks like it, don’t it?” replied Miss Clegg. “‘S a matter o’ fact, Mrs. Lathrop, I’m that hot ‘n’ tired ’d it ’d take a long sight more ’n you to keep me any longer, so I ’ll say good-bye ‘n’ go.”

On Monday the thermometer bounded higher than ever. It was wash-day too, which rendered one half of the community infinitely hotter yet. As the burden of the minister’s vacation fell upon the same half that the washing did, one might have looked for very little friendly exchanging of personal trials on the evening that followed such a trying day. Susan felt such to be the case and concluded not to try and go down town. Mrs. Lathrop took two or three wilted clovers, and sat on her steps and chewed submissively after tea,-too much overcome even to waft a questioning glance across the interim of parched grass which stretched between her kitchen stoop and that of her friend; but the latter saw her sitting there and felt a keen, remorseful stab.

“I guess I ‘ll go down in the square f’r jus’ five minutes,” she called to the dejected figure, and forthwith sallied out to the conflict.

The five minutes stretched to an hour, and Mrs. Lathrop was frankly asleep when her vigil was terminated by her neighbor’s return. The latter came up and sat down on the steps, heaving a mighty sigh as she did so.

“Well, I see Mrs. Brown,” she began in a tone of reminiscent sympathy, “‘n’ I can tell you ’t Mrs. Brown is in a situation not to be lightly sneezed over.”

“What did-” remarked Mrs. Lathrop, rubbing her eyes.

“What did Henry Ward Beecher do? Well, he jus’ up ‘n’ did the same ’s the night afore. Ate the Sons o’ Veterans’ pudding ’s Mrs. Brown had all ready for the Lodge meetin’, ‘n’ all the baked beans ’s was for to-day’s luncheon too. She says she never dreamed as no human bein’ could hold what that boy can. She says young Dr. Brown says ’t he wants to come ‘n’ observe him to-night ’f he don’t have to go over to Meadville to get two of his saws sharpened. Mrs. Brown says he says he’s goin’ to write a paper for the Investigatin’ Society, but I don’t see how that’s goin’ to help the Sons o’ Veterans none. Doctors’ observations ‘n’ investigations ’s all right ’s far ’s they go, but I don’ fancy as they can be made to take the place o’ no eat up puddin’ inside o’ no son of a veteran. ‘N’ anyhow, Henry Ward Beecher or no Henry Ward Beecher, Mrs. Craig ‘s jus’ about frantic over her cat. She says there’s cat’s hair everywhere ‘n’ the cat ain’t nowhere. She was doin’ out her churnin’ ‘n’ she found some hairs in the butter. I asked her ’f maybe Augustus hadn’t fed the cat to the cow, ‘n’ she says they thought o’ that, but her husband says ’t ain’t possible, for there ain’t room for a cat to turn over in the place where a cow turns everything over afore she swallows it. Mrs. Craig says, besides, ’t she asked Augustus, but he jus’ said, ’Wash zhat?-Zhat a cow?-Zhi a cow?-Zhu a cow?’ ‘n’ she see plain ‘n’ forever where he got the name o’ bein’ so bad, for she was dyin’ to switch him ‘n’ couldn’t in honor say as she had any real reason to. But all the same she says she’s as sure as Fate ’t him ‘n’ no one else ‘s at the bottom o’ her cat-only how in all creation are you to get it out o’ him? She says there was hairs in the washtub ‘n’ hairs in the bluein’, ‘n’ when she gathered the sweet peas afore supper she see a hair on a sweet-pea pod. While we was talkin’ suthin’ tickled her ‘n’ she found a hair in her collar.

“Gran’ma Mullins came along up from the crick while we was talkin’, ‘n’ she had her tale o’ woe same ’s the rest. Seems little Jane ’s quit her thumb, owin’ to the quinine, ‘n’ took to bitin’ holes ‘n’ chewin’ ‘n’ suckin’ everythin’ that she can lay hands on. She’s chewed her pillow-slip ‘n’ bit her sheet ‘n’ sucked right down to the brass on a number o’ Gran’ma Mullins’ solid silver things. They’ve tried scoldin’ ‘n’ slappin’, but she jus’ keeps her mouth on the rampage, ‘n’ they can’t get her to go back to her thumb f’r love nor money. Mrs. Brown said she’d be glad to trade Henry Ward Beecher for little Jane, ‘n’ I strongly advised her to do it, f’r to my mind a chewin’ child ‘s more to be counted on than a eatin’ sleep-walker, but we was evidently all o’ the same way o’ thinkin, f’r Gran’ma Mullins shook her head ‘n’ wouldn’t change.

“I see Felicia Hemans down buyin’ suthin’ with Sam along with a basket to carry it home in. I asked ’f Mrs. Duruy was gone, ‘n’ they said yes, ‘n’ Sam grinned ‘n’ Felicia giggled, same ’s usual. I c’n see ’t the Allens is all put out ‘t Sam’s bein’ around with any one but Polly, ‘n’ Mrs. Allen asked me ’f I really thought Mrs. Duruy ’d ought to ‘a’ gone off like that. I said I thought it was a awful risk for Felicia Hemans ‘cause o’ course she might marry Sam in consequence. Mrs. Allen didn’t like it, ‘n’ she bounced Brunhilde Susan’s carriage-springs so hard ’t she made Brunhilde Susan wake up. Mr. Kimball was out in front o’ his store, ‘n’ he hollered across to me ’t he was giv’ to understand as Brunhilde Susan was learnin’ to hang onto money already. Every one laughed, ‘n’ I declare ‘t for the life o’ me I don’t see how no one c’n make a joke over a baby’s swallowin’ a lent nickel.”

“Who-” queried Mrs. Lathrop.

“Well, Mrs. Fisher was one of ’em. She did sort of explain it away afterwards, though. She said she was so happy she laughed at any nothin’ at all. Seems Mr. Fisher set John Bunyan to cuttin’ the grass, ‘n’ the boy went ‘n’ sheared right over the bed o’ pétunias. Seems them pétunias was the apple o’ Mr. Fisher’s eye ‘n’ he wanted a dish of ’em with every meal. Mrs. Fisher says ’t to her mind a woman has work enough gettin’ the meals without havin’ to get pétunias too, ‘n’ she was nothin’ but glad to see what a clean shave John Bunyan made o’ the whole thing. She was down town buyin’ him some marbles. She went into Shores after ’em, an’ she ‘n’ Miss White come out together. I know suthin’ had happened the minute I see Miss White’s face, f’r angels chantin’ glory was nothin’ to it. Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that Fox never lived up to the trumpet bargain one hour, but jus’ yelled ‘n’ blew alternate, till the Deacon was nigh to deaf ‘n’ old Mrs. White begun to hear, ‘n’ they was all ’most fit for the Insane Asylum when Mrs. Sperrit come in to leave a skirt for new braid, ‘n’ she jus’ up ‘n’ took Fox home with her. She says ’t he can make all the noise he wants to out on the farm, ‘n’ the Whites is all but in Paradise as a result.”

“I sh’d think-” suggested Mrs. Lathrop.

“Well, I d’n’ know,” said Susan; “you may think so, but you didn’t look like it when I come. You looked to be asleep, Mrs. Lathrop, ‘n’ bein’ ’s to-day’s been a hot Monday ‘n’ to-morrow ’ll likely be a hot Tuesday, I feel some inclined that way myself. So good-night.”

Susan’s prophecy as to what the next day would be came true. It was a scorching Tuesday, and nothing but the feast of gossip which “the square” held upon this particular week could ever have drawn a crowd there on so sultry a night.

“But every one was out,” she told Mrs. Lathrop, as they met by the fence along towards nine o’clock, “‘n’ oh my! you’d ought to ‘a’ been there. Mrs. Craig’s found her cat, ‘n’ that takes the lead, for she come back of her own accord from a place where no one ’d ever ‘a’ expected her to come back from.”

“Where did-” asked Mrs. Lathrop eagerly.

“Come up in the well-bucket,” replied Miss Clegg promptly,-“she come up in the well-bucket this afternoon all but her tail, ‘n’ they think Augustus must ‘a’ strained that throwin’ her in by it ‘n’ so it soaked off extra easy. Mrs. Craig went for him the minute she see the cat, but, lor’, you can’t get nothin’ out o’ Augustus; he jus’ said, ’Wash zhat?-Zhat a cat?-Zhi a cat?-Zhu a cat?’ ‘n’ Mrs. Craig was too mad f’r words. She says ‘t they’ve been noticin’ a curious taste in the water, but not bein’ in the habit o’ drinkin’ the house cat, they never thought of its bein’ him. She’s troubled over findin’ the cat ‘n’ troubled some more over not findin’ the tail. She says Mr. Craig says ‘t he wouldn’t consider for one second cleanin’ out a well for a trifle like a cat’s tail, ‘n’ yet, for her part, she ain’t noways inclined to keep on livin’ on cat’s hairs indefinitely. She says ’t Mr. Craig says ’t she can easy fish the tail up with the well-bucket, but fishin’ for suthin’ ’s you can’t see ain’t so funny as a woman’s husband ’s apt to make out. ’S far ’s my observation ’s ’xtended, a man always gives his wife to understand that what’d be a bother or mebbe impossible for him to do ‘ll be jus’ a pleasant afternoon for her. I took it on myself to tell her that very same thing. ’Let him fish that tail himself for a day or two,’ I says; ’about the six hundred an’ fortieth time ’t he winds up that bucket ‘n’ finds himself still short o’ that tail I’ll venture my guess ’t he won’t find the joke ’s fine ‘s he did at first.’ But she was too used up to know when she was havin’ good common-sense talked to her; she jus’ kep’ wipin’ her eyes, ‘n’ then Mrs. Sperrit drove up ‘n’ the whole rigmarole had to be gone over again for her. I mus’ say that she behaved kind of un-neighborly, f’r she laughed fit to kill herself, ‘n’ Mrs. Craig was nigh to put out over such doin’s,-’n’ the cat not dead a week yet; but when Mrs. Sperrit got through laughin’ she made up f’r it all, for she said if Mrs. Craig was willin’ she’d take Augustus home with her. Mrs. Craig couldn’t believe she was in earnest at first, ‘n’ then she wept again with sheer joy. ‘N’ what do you think ’t Mrs. Sperrit did?-Took Augustus straight across to Mr. Shores ‘n’ bought a dog-collar ‘n’ a chain for him ‘n’ buckled it on right then and there. ‘I’ll engage he don’t throw no cats down no wells out on the farm,’ she says, ‘n’ then off she drove with the youngster sittin’ up beside her prim ’s a poodle.”

“Did you hear-” asked Mrs. Lathrop, chewing pleasantly.

“I see Mrs. Brown,” Susan continued calmly,-“she was down in the square. Seems ’t young Dr. Brown didn’t get to observe Henry Ward Beecher like he expected. He ‘n’ Amelia went over to Meadville, ‘n’ mebbe they’ll go on to the city from there, f’r his practice is spreadin’ so ’t he’s got to buy a bigger borin’-machine, ‘n’ he wants a lot more bastin’ thread an’ needles. But Henry Ward Beecher was up ‘n’ doin’ as usual last night. He skum two pans o’ milk ‘n’ didn’t put the covers back, so a June bug got in. Mrs. Brown says Mrs. Craig ’s welcome to drink her cat if she favors the idea, but she ain’t drinkin’ no June bugs herself, so she had to give the complete pan to the pigs. ‘N’ he eat more too!-he eat ajar o’ watermelon pickles ‘n’ all the calves-foot jelly ’t was all ready f’r old Mrs. Grace. It’s a serious matter about the jelly, for Mrs. Grace ’s most dead ‘n’ all the calves in town is alive, ‘n’ so where any more jelly ’s to be got in time the Lord only knows. Mrs. Brown thinks some one ’d ought to write to the minister; she says it ain’t possible ’s he’s always eat like this nights ‘n’ she wants to know how to put a stop to it. Mrs. Allen thinks ’t some one ’d ought to write to the minister too. She says ’t Sam ‘n’ Felicia was down on the bridge last night a-holdin’ hands. She says Polly saw ’em.

“‘N’ Gran’ma Mullins is another as thinks ’t some one ’d ought to write to the minister. She was down town a-buyin’ some honey to put on little Jane’s thumb. She’s all but stark mad. She says mice ‘n’ moths is goin’ to be mere jokes to her hereafter. She says ’f the minister don’t come back soon little Jane ‘ll have her sucked out o’ bed ‘n’ board. She says little Jane ’s like him in the history ’t where he chewed the grass never grew again. There seems to be considerable anxiety ’s to when the minister ’ll get back. Nobody thought to ask him where he was goin’, ‘n’ as a consequence nobody knows where he’s gone. Nobody thought to ask him when he was comin’ back, ‘n’ ’s a consequence no one knows when he’s thinkin’ o’ comin’ back. Mr. Kimball says ‘t his view o’ the matter is as the minister was tired o’ havin’ thirteen children ‘n’ is gone off somewhere else to begin all over. Fun or not, the idea ’s sort of upset every one. They went down to see where he bought his ticket for, but Johnny says he only took it to the junction, ‘n’ my own experience is ’t a junction may lead to ‘most anythin’. Mrs. Macy says ’s there’s only one way to be sure whether he’s gone for good or not, ‘n’ that is to go up to the house ‘n’ see whether he took his ear-muffs along, for it stands to reason ’t any man who ‘d pack his ear-muffs a week like this ain’t intendin’ to ever return. Every one see the sense o’ that, ‘n’ so Mrs. Macy ’s app’inted herself to go ‘n’ look the house over to-morrow mornin’. I must say ’t ’f she don’t find them ear-muffs the c’mmunity ’ll be pretty blue to-morrow night. No one knew how fond they was of the minister until they begin to find out what them thirteen childern come to when you add ’em all up separately. I d’n’ know’s I ever was so glad of anythin’ in my life ‘s I am that I drew N out o’ Mrs. Craig’s sugar-bowl. Fate ’s a strange thing when you look it under ‘n’ over ‘n’ hind end to, Mrs. Lathrop,-there was me drawin’ N ‘n’ Mrs. Craig herself gettin’ Augustus, ‘n’ all on account of a sugar-bowl, ‘n’ that sugar-bowl hers ‘n’ not mine.”

Mrs. Lathrop applied her clover, but said nothing.

“Well, I d’n’ know as there’s any good to be gained out o’ our standin’ here chattin’ any longer. We’d better be gettin’ to bed ‘n’ thankin’ our merciful Father ‘t we hav’n’t got none o’ the minister’s children, ‘n’ that’s a prayer ’s not many c’n put up this night.”

Mrs. Lathrop threw her clover away and returned to her own domicile.

On Wednesday, between the intense heat and the equally intense excitement engendered by Mr. Kimball’s suggestion, the town was rife with a hive-like tumult. Miss Clegg went down to return Mrs. Macy’s call soon after dinner, and when she got back it was all of six. Mrs. Lathrop was so anxious to hear the latest news from the seat of war that she had prepared a company tea by the dining-room window and hailed Susan directly she was near enough to hail.

“I want you to come to-” she cried.

“Well, I believe I will,” her friend answered cordially. “I believe I’d really enjoy to pervided you ain’t got nothin’ with dried currants in it. They say the heathen Chinese eat flies for currants, but I never was no heathen Chinese.”

“I ain’t got-” Mrs. Lathrop assured her.

“Then I’ll come ’s soon ’s I c’n get my bonnet off,” Susan answered, and proceeded to unlock her own domain and enter into the sacred precincts thereof.

Ten minutes later the friends sat on opposite sides of Mrs. Lathrop’s hospitality.

“I s’pose ’t a good deal-” began the older woman, as she poured out the tea.

“More’n any other day,” said the younger; “it almost seems ’s ’f more ’s happened than I c’n remember to tell over again. I see Mrs. Macy, ‘n’ it was lucky ’t I went to see her, f’r she was the one ’s knowed everythin’ this day, f’r sure. The first thing she told me was ’t the minister ’s got his ear-muffs right along with him. She says the ear-muffs is the only thing ‘t she didn’t find, f’r she’s willin’ to swear ’s she opened more ’n a hunderd bundles. She said she was clean wore out towards the last, ‘n’ discouraged too, ‘n’ she thought she’d go over to Mrs. Duruy’s ‘n’ ask Felicia Hemans if she know’d anythin’; so she did, ‘n’ when she got there the house was all shut up, ‘n’ a piece o’ paper stuck in the front door between the knob ‘n’ the wall, simply statin’ ’t Felicia Hemans ‘n’ Sam was gone to Meadville to get married. All it said was ’Me ‘n’ Sam were married in Meadville afore you can get this. Your everlasting daughter.’ She see ’t it was meant for a little surprise for Mr. Duruy when he come home ‘xpectin’ to get his dinner, ‘n’ she thought she’d ought to give it to him right off; so she went back ‘n’ got her stick ‘n’ jus’ went to town ’s quick ’s ever she could ‘n’ walked straight in on him with it. He took on awful ‘n’ stamped around an’ shook, his fist right in her face, an’ swore at her till she was frightened ’most to death, ‘n’ then it turned out ’t he’d thought as it was her ‘s had married Sam on a’count o’ there bein’ no ‘Felicia’ signed to the letter. The other shock when he come to understand brought on a appleplecktic fit, ‘n’, seein’ ’s young Dr. Brown ’s away, they had to send ’way to Meadville f’r old Dr. Carter, ‘n’ Mrs. Macy had to stay ‘n’ take care of him, with him light-headed half the time ‘n’ the other half all out o’ his mind ‘n’ sure she was married to Sam. She said ‘t it didn’t take much o’ such doin’s to get her so aggravated ‘t she jus’ told him flat ‘n’ plain ’s she was sixty-seven years old and that meant ’s she knowed sixty-seven years too much to marry his son. She said he begin to rave ‘n’ choke all fresh ’t that, ‘n’ her patience come clean to a end right then ‘n’ there, ‘n’ she picked up the water-pitcher ‘n’ told him ’f he dared to have another fit she’d half drown him. She said he got reasonable pretty quick when he see she was in earnest, ‘n’ she had him sittin’ up by the window afore Dr. Carter got there. Mrs. Duruy ‘n’ Sam ‘n’ Felicia Hemans all drove over with the doctor, ‘n’ Dr. Carter had telegraphed young Dr. Brown to come ‘n’ observe Mr. Duruy’s fit with him, so Dr. Brown ‘n’ Amelia ’s home too, ‘n’ all down around the crick is real gay. O’ course Mrs. Macy ’d done with the fit afore they got there, but young Dr. Brown wants Dr. Carter to stay over night ‘n’ observe Henry Ward Beecher, ‘n’ Dr. Carter says ’t he thinks he will. He says he ain’t got no real important case on hand jus’ now, only he says it’s a ill wind ’s blows no man good ‘n’ he’s lookin’ for this heat to lay some one out afore long.

“Gran’ma Mullins come up to Mrs. Macy’s while I was there, ‘n’ she’s pretty mad. Seems she hurried to Mr. Duruy’s jus’ ’s soon ’s she heard of the doctors there, ‘n’ wanted ’em to come over to her house ‘n’ observe little Jane’s thumb, ‘n’ Dr. Carter jus’ flatly up and said little Jane’s thumb was beneath the kingdom o’ medicine. She was awful put out about it, ‘n’ she vows ‘n’ declares ’s she’ll die afore she ever asks another doctor to do anythin’ f’r her. I guess that’s true enough too, f’r ‘f the minister really is gone nothin’ ain’t never goin’ to cure her o’ little Jane. Mrs. Macy give her some tea, but she was too used up to drink it. She says little Jane ‘s gettin’ worse ‘n’ worse. She bit a piece out of a gold-band cup last night, ‘n’ she gnawed all the jet cherries off o’ Gran’ma Mullins’ best bonnet while Gran’ma Mullins was to Mrs. Duruy’s.”

Miss Clegg paused to eat and drink somewhat. Mrs. Lathrop, who had finished her own eating and drinking, sat breathless.

“I see Mrs. Fisher on my way home. She ’s happy as ever. She says nothin’ must do last night but Mr. Fisher must build a flyin’-machine with John Bunyan to hold the nails when he hammered. Mrs. Fisher says she quit holdin’ nails afore she’d been married a year ‘n’ Mr. Fisher ‘s jus’ wild now ’t he’s got a new hand to hold his nails f’r him. She says they were tinkerin’ on the thing all last evenin’ ‘n’ a good part o’ this mornin’ ‘n’ two mattresses to beat ‘n’ a chair to mend ’s never counted for anythin’. Well-seems ’t towards noon Mr. Fisher got to where he could go down town to get the top part pumped up, ‘n’ while he was down town what did John Bunyan do but up ‘n’ put wheels on the bottom part? My! but Mrs. Fisher says ’t Mr. Fisher was mad when he got back ‘n’ see them wheels. He tied the pumped up part to the hammer ‘t was layin’ on the garden bench, ‘n’ then he shook John Bunyan hard ‘n’ asked him what in thunder he meant by puttin’ wheels on a flyin’-machine, ‘n’ John Bunyan jus’ up ‘n’ asked him to his face how under the sun he was ‘xpectin’ to make the thing go ’f it didn’t have no wheels on it. Mrs. Fisher says she was in behind the kitchen blinds ‘n’ she was fit to kill herself laughin’ to see how mad Mr. Fisher got,-he got so mad ’t he backed up ‘n’ fell over the garden bench ‘n’ busted the pumped up part o’ the flyin’-machine all hollow. Mrs. Fisher says it finished her to see a flyin’-machine with the top part all holes ‘n’ the bottom part all wheels. She says she ’s give John Bunyan her father’s cuff-button ‘n’ told him ’f he keeps on ’s well ’s he ’s begun ’t she ’ll give him a button f’r the other cuff the day he’s twenty-one.

“Mrs. Brown was down town buyin’ eggs. She says them Leghorns o’ hers can’t begin to keep up with Henry Ward Beecher. She says, besides, ’t she hasn’t no scraps to feed ’em since he’s come, ‘n’ so the knife cuts two ways. She’s mighty glad that the observin’ ‘s goin’ to begin to-night, f’r she says she’s prayin’ Heaven for relief but she ain’t got much faith left. Mr. Kimball was feelin’ mighty funny, ‘n’ he hollered to her ’t she wa’n’t the first to have her faith shook by Henry Ward Beecher, but we was all too considerate for her feelin’s to laugh. I wouldn’t laugh at a joke o’ Mr. Kimball’s anyhow.”

“I wish-” said Mrs. Lathrop mildly.

“It’s a curious thing,” continued Susan,-“it’s a mighty curious thing how many folks is give to likin’ to hear themselves talk. Mr. Kimball’s a sad example o’ that kind o’ man. I’d sometimes enjoy to stop ‘n’ exchange a few friendly words with him, but, lor’! I’d never get a chance. The minister is about all I c’n stand in the talkin’ line-’n’ you, o’ course, Mrs. Lathrop.”

The evening after, as Susan was snapping out her dish-towels, she spied her neighbor meandering back and forth among the clover blossoms. Later she observed her standing-ruminative and ruminating, so to speak-at the fence. There was always a potent suggestion in Mrs. Lathrop’s pose, as she leaned and waited, which vastly accelerated Miss Clegg’s after-dinner movements. In this case less than two minutes intervened between the waiting of Mrs. Lathrop and the answering of her younger friend.

“Was you to-” the older woman asked, as her eyes were brightened by the approach of her medium of communication with the world at large.

“Oh, yes,” replied that lady, “I was to town, ‘n’ the whole town ’s light-headed ‘n’ runnin’ hither ‘n’ yon like they was ants bein’ stepped on. The town’s gone plum crazy over the minister bein’ gone altogether. I do believe the only happy woman in it last night was Gran’ma Mullins, ‘n’ ’f you want to see happiness, Mrs. Lathrop, you’d ought to see Gran’ma Mullins this day. Seems ’t Mrs. Sperrit was drivin’ in early last evenin’ ‘n’ she stopped at Gran’ma Mullins to get one o’ the crick stones out o’ her horse’s shoe, ‘n’ Gran’ma Mullins was weepin’ on the piazza while little Jane chewed up her spectacle-case, ‘n after she got the stone out Mrs. Sperrit jus’ up ‘n’ took little Jane home with her. She said ’t little Jane could chew all she liked out on the farm, ‘n’ Gran’ma Mullins said ’t she all but fell on her knees at her feet. She was down town this afternoon buyin’ two dozen o’ cotton an’ one dozen o’ glue, ‘n’ she says ’t she sh’ll spend the rest o’ her allotted time in peace ‘n’ mendin’.

“But Gran’ma Mullins’ joy is more ’n balanced by Mrs. Brown, for Mrs. Brown is clean discouraged. I see her sittin’ on a barrel in the grocery store, ‘n’ it was a molasses barrel ‘n’ some ’d run out, but she hadn’t no heart to care. She says ’t Henry Ward Beecher never budged last night, ‘n’ so far from that bein’ a relief, it led to worse ’n ever, for old Dr. Carter ‘n’ young Dr. Brown got so hungry observin’ ’t they went downstairs, ‘n’ young Dr. Brown knowed where everything was, ‘n’ as a result they eat up stuff ’t Henry Ward Beecher never ‘d even dreamed existed. They opened jars o’ fancy pickles ‘n’ a jug o’ rare old rum ‘n’ played Ned in general. ‘N’ afterwards they went to bed in the guest-room where Mrs. Brown never lets any one sleep, ‘n’ they got right in on top o’ her Hottentot pillow-shams ‘n’ old Dr. Carter tore a sham with his toothpick. ‘N’, added to all that, Amelia ’s furious ’cause she read in a book ’t teaches how to stay married ’t a husband’s first night out is the first rift in the lute, ‘n’ she was down town buyin’ a dictionary so ’s to be sure what a lute is afore she accuses young Dr. Brown. ‘N’ there’s a man over in Meadville down with a sun-stroke, ‘n’ they want Dr. Carter to hurry, ‘n’ they can’t seem to make him realize nothin’. He jus’ sits there in Mrs. Brown’s parlor ‘n’ shakes his head ‘n’ smiles ‘n’ says, ‘Oh, that rum, that rum!’ over ‘n’ over. ‘N’ Mrs. Brown says ’t if it wasn’t plain from the expression of his face as he means it as a compliment she certainly would be real mad, for he must ‘a’ downed two quarts. It ‘s all jus’ awful, ‘n’ I would ‘a’ waited ‘n’ walked home with her, only Mrs. Allen come along ‘n’ I wanted to go with her instead. Mrs. Allen needs some sympathy too, for Polly ’s all broke up over Sam ‘n’ Felicia Hemans. Mrs. Allen don’t hesitate to say right out’t to her order o’ thinkin’ Sam ’d ‘a’ showed more sense ’f he’d married Mrs. Macy ’cause Mrs. Macy has got a little property ‘n’ it looks doubtful at present if Felicia ’s got so much as a father. Mrs. Allen says they was all so used up ’t when Mrs. Sperrit was in to-day she jus’ traded Brunhilde Susan against the makin’ o’ Mr. Sperrit’s summer shirts, ‘n’ then went right ‘n’ bought the cloth ‘n’ took the baby. Mrs. Allen says ’s Mrs. Sperrit says ’t Brunhilde Susan c’n learn if dogs moo out on the farm, ‘n’ f’r her part she’d rather be responsible f’r any man’s baby ’n for one husband’s collar-bands. So Brunhilde Susan ’s settled, ‘n’ Mrs. Allen ’s awful sorry ’t she didn’t send the cow along with her too, for she says ’t it’s harder ’n you’d think to keep a cow content nights in a chicken-house. But she didn’t think in time, so she lost the chance, ‘n’ as a result she was down town buyin’ thread with the minister’s cow on her shoulders.”

Miss Clegg paused for breath. Mrs. Lathrop chewed passively.

“I must say, though, ’t it ’s generally admitted ’t we’ve seen the last o’ the minister. To think how he looked the mornin’ he left,-in his wilted collar ‘n’ that coat ‘t Deacon White was married in,-’n’ all the time his ear-muffs hid away somewhere about him! I wouldn’t ‘a’ believed it-not on your honor, Mrs. Lathrop. Hind-sight ’s always better ’n fore-sight, ‘n’ we c’n all see now ’t we did a mighty foolish thing givin’ him such a easy chance to get out of it. I can’t see, though, how he’s ever goin’ to get another place without sendin’ to us f’r a good character, ‘n’ I’m free to confess ’t I don’t believe ’t the father of Augustus ’ll ever get any praise from the Craigs, nor yet will the father o’ little Jane from Gran’ma Mullins. The Craigs is awful mournful to think ’t they ain’t got no kittens from their cat, but owin’ to the fact ‘t he wasn’t no kitten kind o’ cat he naturally never had none. Mr. Kimball says mebbe the hairs from his tail ’ll turn into suthin’ in the well like the hairs in horse’s tails do in waterin’-troughs. But ’f horse’s hairs make snakes, I sh’d naturally suppose ’t cat’s hairs would make mud-turtles, ‘n’ it ain’t no mud-turtle ‘t Mrs. Craig wants. She wants suthin’ to warm her feet on winters, ‘n’ she told me with tears in her eyes ’t he never scratched when he was rocked on, ‘n’ she used to rock on him so often ’t by spring he was all wore off in spots ‘n’ most wore through in some places.

“Mrs. Jilkins was up from Cherry Pond to-day f’r the first time since she took Josephus home with her las’ Saturday mornin’. She was awful surprised to hear all the bother ‘t all the rest have been havin’. She says ’t she ain’t had no bother a tall. She says ’t she whipped Josephus nine times the day ’t she took him home with her, ‘n’ since then she’s taught him to read ‘n’ write ‘n’ sew patchwork ‘n’ beat up batter. She says ’f she’d ‘a’ had Henry Ward Beecher he wouldn’t ‘a’ roamed but once, nor would little Jane ‘a’ give but one suck, nor Fox but one yell, nor would Augustus ‘a’ throwed but one cat down her well. Mrs. Craig was standin’ right there, ‘n’ she spoke up pretty sharp at that ‘n’ said ’t he hadn’t throwed but one cat in her well ‘n’ she wanted that distinctly understood. Mrs. Jilkins jus’ laughed, but then some one up ‘n’ told her about the minister bein’ gone f’r good, ‘n’ she very quickly changed her tune.

“That blow ‘s goin’ to fall heaviest on Mrs. Sperrit, though, for she’s got the five littlest ones ’s well ’s Bobby, ‘n’ I miss my guess ’f she don’t have another to-morrow, for Mrs. Brown says ’t she’s goin’ to send Henry Ward Beecher out there of an errand jus’ so ’s to see if he’ll sleep after a ten-mile walk, ‘n’ every one knows ’t she’s jus’ doin’ it in the hope ’t Mrs. Sperrit ’ll keep him.”

“Let’s go out-” Mrs. Lathrop suggested.

“It’ll be cooler outside,” Susan acquiesced; so they quitted the table and went out on the porch.

“Mrs. Brown ain’t a bit reconciled about her rare old rum,” she went on when they were seated; “she’s bad enough used up over the preserves, but the rum she can’t seem to get reconciled to. She says ‘t a saltspoonful was a sure cure f’r anythin’, ‘n’ Dr. Carter was perfectly sound in mind ‘n’ body ‘n’ got away with two quarts.”

There was a silence broken only by a frog’s far croak.

“I ain’t a doubt but this is the worst hot spell the c’mmunity ’s ever had to deal with,” the younger woman remarked after a while, “‘n’ the result is ’t I’d never recommend no other town to choose such a time to give their minister a fair field ‘n’ no favor. I c’n only say one thing, Mrs. Lathrop, ‘n’ that is ’t I’ve begun to feel ’t I’ve misjudged the minister. I never would ‘a’ give him credit for anythin’ like this. ‘N’ while I think he’d ought not to ‘a’ done it, still I must say ’t I can’t but admire-if he had it in him to try-how well he’s carried it off.

“‘N’ to think ’t, after all, it was our idea ’s give him the chance!”

That Friday afternoon-just one week from the forever to be remembered meeting of the Sewing Society-Mrs. Lathrop, sleeping the sleep of the stout and elderly in her kitchen rocker, was suddenly aroused to a swaying sense of the world about her by the sound of her name, the same being pronounced in her neighbor’s voice, the key of that voice being pitched uncommonly high.

“Mrs. Lathrop!-Mrs. Lathrop!-oh-h-h, Mrs. Lathrop!”

Mrs. Lathrop got to the window as fast as her somewhat benumbed members would allow.

Susan was standing on her own side of the fence, her eyes glowing with excitement.

“The minister’s come back!”

Mrs. Lathrop simply fell out of the door and down the back steps. As she hastened towards the fence, her usual custom led her to hastily snatch a handful of her favorite blend, and then-

“When-” she gasped.

“This afternoon, right after lunch. You never hear the like in all your life! Where do you suppose he was all this week? Just nowhere at all! Out on the farm! Yes, Mrs. Lathrop,” as that worthy clung to the fence for support in her overwhelming astonishment,-“yes, Mrs. Lathrop, he ‘n’ his wife were out there on the farm all the time. Seems ’t that night when Mrs. Allen come in ‘n’ told ’em ’t they’d got to go on a vacation so early the nex’ mornin’, they was all upset. They didn’t have no money nor no clothes nor no place to go to, ‘n’ the minister’s wife begun to cry jus’ ’s soon ’s Mrs. Allen was gone. Seems she was settin’ there cryin’ when Mrs. Sperrit drove in, in the cool o’ the evenin’, to pay her pew-rent in pigs-feet, ‘n’ what did Mrs. Sperrit do but jus’ up ‘n’ ask ’em both to come out to the farm. Told ’em they wouldn’t have no board to pay out on the farm ‘n’ ’t they could stay ’s long ’s they liked. It seemed like it was all they could do, so they arranged it ‘n’ it all worked fine. Seems they took the train to the junction, ‘n’ Mr. Sperrit met ’em there ‘n’ drove ’em straight across country home, ‘n’ they ’ve been there ever since, ‘n’ maybe they’d been there yet, only Mrs. Sperrit is like a lot o’ other people in this world,-she’s forever goin’ to extremes, ‘n’ she couldn’t be content with jus’ the minister ‘n’ his wife ‘n’ Bobby, so she had to keep bringin’ home more ‘n’ more o’ the childern, until they was so thick out there ’t to-day, when Henry Ward Beecher arrived, the minister went to Mr. Sperrit ‘n’ asked him if he thought anybody ’d mind ’f he ‘n’ his wife come in town ‘n’ finished their vacation in their own house. I guess mebbe the Sperrits was some wore out themselves, f’r they jus’ told him ’t no one could possibly object, ‘n’ then they had the carryall ‘n’ drove ’em both in town right after dinner.

“I was down in the square buyin’ flypaper, ‘n’ I heard the commotion ‘n’ run out, ‘n’-well, Mrs. Lathrop, you c’n believe me or not jus’ ’s you please-but it was a sight to draw tears to any one’s eyes. Folks waved anythin’ ’t they could grab, ‘n’ all the boys yelled ‘n’ cheered. The minister was real touched-he quoted, ‘’N’ there went up a great multitude’-but he never got no further, f’r Deacon White jumped up in the band-stand ‘n’ proposed ’No church Sunday, but a donation party Saturday night. Who bids?’ ‘n’ every one shrieked, ‘Aye-Aye.’”

Mrs. Lathrop’s eyes kindled slowly but surely.

“I wish-” she said, biting firmly into a large red one.

“It’s too late now,” said Susan, not unkindly, “it’s all over now-all ’xcept the donation party, ‘n’ I don’t see how you c’n do much there ’nless I bring over the butter ‘n’ mix it for you. But you mustn’t interrupt me, Mrs. Lathrop, f’r if you do I never shall get through.

“So the donation party was decided, ‘n’ Mrs. Brown’s good cookin’ heart come out strong ‘n’ she pledged three pies right then n’ there. I put myself down f’r a pan o’ biscuit, ‘n’ Mr. Kimball said he believed ’s the Aliens would outdo every one ‘n’ give a whole cow, without no urgin’ neither. Mrs. Allen laughed a little, ‘n’ then Mrs. Macy come up so out o’ breath ‘t it was all o’ five minutes afore she could get out a word. Seemed when she did speak, ’t she wasn’t tryin’ to give nothin’-she only wanted to know about the minister’s ear-muffs, ‘n’ it appears ’t he never took ’em a tall. Seems ’t Brunhilde Susan cut teeth on ’em till they was only fit to be used f’r kettle-holders.”

Susan paused for a second. Mrs. Lathrop chewed and waited. In a minute the narrative flowed on.

“When every one else was through, Mrs. Sperrit said ’t if she could take ’Liza Em’ly home with her to help look after the little ones she’d be willin’ to keep ’em a fortnight more ‘n’ let the minister-’n’ his wife-have a real good rest in their own house. Mrs. Maxwell spoke right up ‘n’ said she c’d have ’Liza Em’ly ‘n’ welcome, ‘n’ Mrs. Sweet said she c’d have Rachel Rebecca too. But Mrs. Fisher crowded round in front ‘n’ said she nor no one couldn’t have John Bunyan not now ‘n’ not never, f’r he’d weeded ‘n’ mowed ‘n’ grafted ‘n’ busted his way right into her heart ‘n’ she was intendin’ to keep him right along ’f the minister’d give his consent.

“She said ‘t Mr. Fisher felt jus’ ’s she did too, ’cause he’d never been so happy ’s he’s been since he’s had John Bunyan to teach the fancy principles o’ plain things to. Mr. Fisher come up jus’ ’s she got through, ‘n’ he said whatever she’d said he’d stand to, for although John Bunyan was nothin’ but a darn fool now, he had the makin’ of a man in him, ‘n’ he-Mr. Fisher-was jus’ the one to bring him out.

“The crowd was gettin’ so big ’t folks began to climb up on things to see over, ‘n’ the horse was some restless, so Mr. Kimball got up on the edge o’ the waterin’-trough an’ said, ’Three cheers for the minister, ‘n’ may he never know how glad the town is to see him back,’ ‘n’ then every one cheered, ‘n’ Mr. Kimball begin to shake, ‘n’ jus’ ’s the minister drove off he missed his hold ‘n’ fell into the waterin’-trough, ‘n’ I didn’t feel no kind o’ interest in lookin’ on at his fishin’ out, so I come away.”

“I hope-” began Mrs. Lathrop.

“I do too,” rejoined her friend, “but there ain’t no danger. It was the edge bein’ so slippery ’t let him fall in, ‘n’ I don’t wish to seem revengeful, but I mus’ say, Mrs. Lathrop, that if anythin’ could ‘a’ made a nice end to the minister’s vacation, it was the seein’ Mr. Kimball get soaked, f’r he ain’t had no kind o’ sufferin’ with it all ‘n’ has just everlastingly enjoyed kitin’ around the outside ‘n’ seein’ other folks in trouble. ‘N’ I’ve no sympathy with such a nature when it does fall into a waterin’-trough, ‘n’ so I come home.”

Miss Clegg ceased speaking.

Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover.