1.

No doubt, Sir, that you have noticed during the course of our conversations that Nature has endowed me with an over-sensitive heart.  I feel keenly, Sir, very keenly.  Blows dealt me by Fate, or, as has been more often the case, by the cruel and treacherous hand of man, touch me on the raw.  I suffer acutely.  I am highly strung.  I am one of those rare beings whom Nature pre-ordained for love and for happiness.  I am an ideal family man.

What?  You did not know that I was married?  Indeed, Sir, I am.  And though Madame Ratichon does not perhaps fulfil all my ideals of exquisite womanhood, nevertheless she has been an able and willing helpmate during these last years of comparative prosperity.  Yes, you see me fairly prosperous now.  My industry, my genius-if I may so express myself-found their reward at last.  You will be the first to acknowledge-you, the confidant of my life’s history-that that reward was fully deserved.  I worked for it, toiled and thought and struggled, up to the last; and had Fate been just, rather than grudging, I should have attained that ideal which would have filled my cup of happiness to the brim.

But, anyway, the episode connected with my marriage did mark the close of my professional career, and is therefore worthy of record.  Since that day, Sir-a happy one for me, a blissful one for Mme. Ratichon-I have been able, thanks to the foresight of an all-wise Providence, to gratify my bucolic tastes.  I live now, Sir, amidst my flowers, with my dog and my canary and Mme. Ratichon, smiling with kindly indulgence on the struggles and the blunders of my younger colleagues, oft consulted by them in matters that require special tact and discretion.  I sit and dream now beneath the shade of a vine-clad arbour of those glorious days of long ago, when kings and emperors placed the destiny of their inheritance in my hands, when autocrats and dictators came to me for assistance and advice, and the name of Hector Ratichon stood for everything that was most astute and most discreet.  And if at times a gentle sigh of regret escapes my lips, Mme. Ratichon-whose thinness is ever my despair, for I admire comeliness, Sir, as being more womanly-Mme. Ratichon, I say, comes to me with the gladsome news that dinner is served; and though she is not all that I could wish in the matter of the culinary arts, yet she can fry a cutlet passably, and one of her brothers is a wholesale wine merchant of excellent reputation.

It was soon after my connexion with that abominable Marquis de Firmin-Latour that I first made the acquaintance of the present Mme. Ratichon, under somewhat peculiar circumstances.

I remember it was on the first day of April in the year 1817 that M. Rochez-Fernand Rochez was his exact name-came to see me at my office in the Rue Daunou, and the date proved propitious, as you will presently see.  How M. Rochez came to know of my gifts and powers, I cannot tell you.  He never would say.  He had heard of me through a friend, was all that he vouchsafed to say.

Theodore had shown him in.  Ah! have I not mentioned the fact that I had forgiven Theodore his lies and his treachery, and taken him back to my bosom and to my board?  My sensitive heart had again got the better of my prudence, and Theodore was installed once more in the antechamber of my apartments in the Rue Daunou, and was, as heretofore, sharing with me all the good things that I could afford.  So there he was on duty on that fateful first of April which was destined to be the turning-point of my destiny.  And he showed M. de Rochez in.

At once I knew my man-the type, I mean.  Immaculately dressed, scented and befrilled, haughty of manner and nonchalant of speech, M. Rochez had the word “adventurer” writ all over his well-groomed person.  He was young, good-looking, his nails were beautifully polished, his pantaloons fitted him without a wrinkle.  These were of a soft putty shade; his coat was bottle-green, and his hat of the latest modish shape.  A perfect exquisite, in fact.

And he came to the point without much preamble.

“M.-er-Ratichon,” he said, “I have heard of you through a friend, who tells me that you are the most unscrupulous scoundrel he has ever come across.”

“Sir !” I began, rising from my seat in indignant protest at the coarse insult.  But with an authoritative gesture he checked the flow of my indignation.

“No comedy, I pray you, Sir,” he said.  “We are not at the Theatre Moliere, but, I presume, in an office where business is transacted both briefly and with discretion.”

“At your service, Monsieur,” I replied.

“Then listen, will you?” he went on curtly, “and pray do not interrupt.  Only speak in answer to a question from me.”

I bowed my head in silence.  Thus must the proud suffer when they happen to be sparsely endowed with riches.

“You have no doubt heard of Mlle. Goldberg,” M. Rochez continued after a moment’s pause, “the lovely daughter of the rich usurer in the Rue des Médecins.”

I had heard of Mlle. Goldberg.  Her beauty and her father’s wealth were reported to be fabulous.  I indicated my knowledge of the beautiful lady by a mute inclination of the head.

“I love Mlle. Goldberg,” my client resumed, “and I have reason for the belief that I am not altogether indifferent to her.  Glances, you understand, from eyes as expressive as those of the exquisite Jewess speak more eloquently than words.”

He had forbidden me to speak, so I could only express concurrence in the sentiments which he expressed by a slight elevation of my left eyebrow.

“I am determined to win the affections of Mlle. Goldberg,” M. Rochez went on glibly, “and equally am I determined to make her my wife.”

“A very natural determination,” I remarked involuntarily.

“My only trouble with regard to pressing my court is the fact that my lovely Leah is never allowed outside her father’s house, save in his company or that of his sister-an old maid of dour mien and sour disposition, who acts the part of a duenna with dog-like tenacity.  Over and over again have I tried to approach the lady of my heart, only to be repelled or roughly rebuked for my insolence by her irascible old aunt.”

“You are not the first lover, Sir,” I remarked drily, “who hath seen obstacles thus thrown in his way, and-”

“One moment, M.-er-Ratichon,” he broke in sharply.  “I have not finished.  I will not attempt to describe my feelings to you.  I have been writhing-yes, writhing!-in face of those obstacles of which you speak so lightly, and for a long time I have been cudgelling my brains as to the possible means whereby I might approach my divinity unchecked.  Then one day I bethought me of you-”

“Of me, Sir?” I ejaculated, sorely puzzled.  “Why of me?”

“None of my friends,” he replied nonchalantly, “would care to undertake so scrubby a task as I would assign to you.”

“I pray you to be more explicit,” I retorted with unimpaired dignity.

Once more he paused.  Obviously he was a born mountebank, and he calculated all his effects to a nicety.

“You, M.-er-Ratichon,” he said curtly at last, “will have to take the duenna off my hands.”

I was beginning to understand.  So I let him prattle on the while my busy brain was already at work evolving the means to render this man service, which in its turn I expected to be amply repaid.  Thus I cannot repeat exactly all that he said, for I was only listening with half an ear.  But the substance of it all was this:  I was to pose as the friend of M. Fernand Rochez, and engage the attention of Mlle. Goldberg senior the while he paid his court to the lovely Leah.  It was not a repellent task altogether, because M. Rochez’s suggestion opened a vista of pleasant parties at open-air cafes, with foaming tankards of beer, on warm afternoons the while the young people sipped sirops and fed on love.  My newly found friend was pleased to admit that my personality and appearance would render my courtship of the elderly duenna a comparatively easy one.  She would soon, he declared, fall a victim to my charms.

After which the question of remuneration came in, and over this we did not altogether agree.  Ultimately I decided to accept an advance of two hundred francs and a new suit of clothes, which I at once declared was indispensable under the circumstances, seeing that in my well-worn coat I might have the appearance of a fortune-hunter in the eyes of the suspicious old dame.

Within my mind I envisaged the possibility of touching M. Rochez for a further two hundred francs if and when opportunity arose.

2.

The formal introduction took place on the boulevards one fine afternoon shortly after that.  Mlle. Leah was walking under the trees with her duenna when we-M.  Rochez and I-came face to face with them.  My friend raised his hat, and I did likewise.  Mademoiselle Leah blushed and the ogre frowned.  Sir, she was an ogre!-bony and angular and hook-nosed, with thin lips that closed with a snap, and cold grey eyes that sent a shiver down your spine!  Rochez introduced me to her, and I made myself exceedingly agreeable to her, while my friend succeeded in exchanging two or three whispered words with his inamorata.

But we did not get very far that day.  Mlle. Goldberg senior soon marched her lovely charge away.

Ah, Sir, she was lovely indeed!  And in my heart I not only envied Rochez his good fortune but I also felt how entirely unworthy he was of it.  Nor did the beautiful Leah give me the impression of being quite so deeply struck with his charms as he would have had me believe.  Indeed, it struck me during those few minutes that I stood dutifully talking to her duenna that the fair young Jewess cast more than one approving glance in my direction.

Be that as it may, the progress of our respective courtships, now that the ice was broken, took on a more decided turn.  At first it only amounted to meetings on the boulevards and a cursory greeting, but soon Mlle. Goldberg senior, delighted with my conversation, would deliberately turn to walk with me under the trees the while Fernand Rochez followed by the side of his adored.  A week later the ladies accepted my friend’s offer to sit under the awning of the Cafe Bourbon and to sip sirops, whilst we indulged in tankards of foaming “blondes.”

Within a fortnight, Sir-I may say it without boasting-I had Mlle. Goldberg senior in the hollow of my hand.  On the boulevards, as soon as she caught sight of me, her dour face would be wreathed in smiles, a row of large yellow teeth would appear between her thin lips, and her cold, grey eyes would soften with a glance of welcome which more than ever sent a cold shudder down my spine.  While we four were together, either promenading or sitting at open-air cafes in the cool of the evening, the old duenna had eyes and ears only for me, and if my friend Rochez did not get on with his own courtship as fast as he would have wished the fault rested entirely with him.

For he did not get on with his courtship, and that was a fact.  The fair Leah was very sweet, very coy, greatly amused, I fancy, at her aunt’s obvious infatuation for me, and not a little flattered at the handsome M. Rochez’s attentions to herself.  But there it all ended.  And whenever I questioned Rochez on the subject, he flew into a temper and consigned all middle-aged Jewesses to perdition, and all the lovely and young ones to a comfortable kind of Hades to which he alone amongst the male sex would have access.  From which I gathered that I was not wrong in my surmises, that the fair Leah had been smitten by my personality and my appearance rather than by those of my friend, and that he was suffering the pangs of an insane jealousy.

This, of course, he never would admit.  All that he told me one day was that Leah, with the characteristic timidity of her race, refused to marry him unless she could obtain her father’s consent to the union.  Old Goldberg, duly approached on the matter, flatly forbade his daughter to have anything further to do with that fortune-hunter, that parasite, that beggarly pick-thank-such, Sir, were but a few complimentary epithets which he hurled with great volubility at his daughter’s absent suitor.

It was from Mlle. Goldberg, senior, that my friend and I had the details of that stormy interview between father and daughter; after which, she declared that interviews between the lovers would necessarily become very difficult of arrangement.  From which you will gather that the worthy soul, though she was as ugly as sin, was by this time on the side of the angels.  Indeed, she was more than that.  She professed herself willing to aid and abet them in every way she could.  This Rochez confided to me, together with his assurance that he was determined to take his Fate into his own hands and, since the beautiful Leah would not come to him of her own accord, to carry her off by force.

Ah, my dear Sir, those were romantic days, you must remember!  Days when men placed the possession of the woman they loved above every treasure, every consideration upon earth.  Ah, romance!  Romance, Sir, was the breath of our nostrils, the blood in our veins!  Imagine how readily we all fell in with my friend’s plans.  I, of course, was the moving spirit in it all; mine was the genius which was destined to turn gilded romance into grim reality.  Yes, grim!  For you shall see! . . .

Mlle. Goldberg, senior, who appropriately enough was named Sarah, gave us the clue how to proceed, after which my genius worked alone.

You must know that old Goldberg’s house in the Rue des Médecins-a large apartment house in which he occupied a few rooms on the ground floor behind his shop-backed on to a small uncultivated garden which ended in a tall brick wall, the meeting-place of all the felines in the neighbourhood, and in which there was a small postern gate, now disused.  This gate gave on a narrow cul-de-sac-grandiloquently named Passage Corneille-which was flanked on the opposite side by the tall boundary wall of an adjacent convent.

That cul-de-sac was marked out from the very first in my mind as our objective.  Around and about it, as it were, did I build the edifice of my schemes, aided by the ever-willing Sarah.  The old maid threw herself into the affair with zest, planning and contriving like a veritable strategist; and I must admit that she was full of resource and invention.  We were now in mid-May and enjoying a spell of hot summer weather.  This gave the inventive Sarah the excuse for using the back garden as a place wherein to sit in the cool of the evening in the company of her niece.

Ah, you see the whole thing now at a glance, do you not?  The postern gate, the murky night, the daring lover, the struggling maiden, the willing accomplices.  The actors were all there, ready for the curtain to be rung up on the palpitating drama.

Then it was that a brilliant idea came into my brain.  It was born on the very day that I realized with indisputable certainty that the lovely Leah was not in reality in love with Rochez.  He fatuously believed that she was ready to fall into his arms, that only maidenly timidity held her back, and that the moment she had been snatched from her father’s house and found herself in the arms of her adoring lover, she would turn to him in the very fullness of love and confidence.

But I knew better.  I had caught a look now and again-an undefinable glance, which told me the whole pitiable tale.  She did not love Rochez; and in the drama which we were preparing to enact the curtain would fall on his rapture and her unhappiness.

Ah, Sir! imagine what my feelings were when I realized this!  This fair girl, against whom we were all conspiring like so many traitors, was still ignorant of the fatal brink on which she stood.  She chatted and coquetted and smiled, little dreaming that in a very few days her happiness would be wrecked and she would be linked for life to a man whom she could never love.  Rochez’s idea, of course, was primarily to get hold of her fortune.  I had already ascertained for him, through the ever-willing Sarah, that this fortune came from Leah’s grandfather, who had left a sum of two hundred thousand francs on trust for her children, she to enjoy the income for her life.  There certainly was a clause in the will whereby the girl would forfeit that fortune if she married without her father’s consent; but according to Rochez’s plans this could scarcely be withheld once she had been taken forcibly away from home, held in durance, and with her reputation hopelessly compromised.  She could then pose as an injured victim, throw herself at her father’s feet, and beg him to give that consent without which she would for ever remain an outcast of society, a pariah amongst her kind.

A pretty piece of villainous combination, you will own!  And I, Sir, was to lend a hand in this abomination!-nay, I was to be the chief villain in the drama!  It was I who, even now, was spending the hours of the night, when I might have been dreaming sentimental dreams, in oiling the lock of the postern gate which was to give us access into papa Goldberg’s garden.  It was I who, under cover of darkness and guided by that old jade Sarah, was to sneak into that garden on the appointed night and forcibly seize the unsuspecting maiden and carry her to the carriage which Rochez would have in readiness for her.

You see what a coward he was!  It was a criminal offence in those days, punishable with deportation to New Caledonia, to abduct a young lady from her parents’ house; and Rochez left me the dirty work to do in case the girl screamed and attracted the police.  Now you will tell me if I was not justified in doing what I did, and I will abide by your judgment.

I was to take all the risks, remember!-New Caledonia, the police, the odium attached to so foul a deed; and do you know for what?  For a paltry thousand francs, which with much difficulty I had induced Rochez-nay, forced him!-to hand over to me in anticipation of what I was about to accomplish for his sake.  A thousand francs!  Did this miserliness not characterize the man?  Was it to such a scrubby knave that I, at risk of my life and of my honour, would hand over that jewel amongst women, that pearl above price?-a lady with a personal fortune amounting to two hundred thousand francs?

No, Sir; I would not!  Then and there I vowed that I would not!  Mine were to be all the risks; then mine should be the reward!  What Rochez meant to do, that I could too, and with far greater reason.  The lovely Leah did at times frown on Fernand; but she invariably smiled on me.  She would fall into my arms far more readily than into his, and papa Goldberg would be equally forced to give his consent to her marriage with me as with that self-seeking carpet-knight whom he abhorred.

Needless to say, I kept my own counsel, and did not speak of my project even to Sarah.  To all appearances I was to be the mere tool in this affair, the unfortunate cat employed to snatch the roast chestnuts out of the fire for the gratification of a mealy-mouthed monkey.

3.

The appointed day and hour were at hand.  Fernand Rochez had engaged a barouche which was to take him and his lovely victim to a little house at Auteuil, which he had rented for the purpose.  There the lovers were to lie perdu until such time as papa Goldberg had relented and the marriage could be duly solemnized in the synagogue of the Rue des Halles.  Sarah had offered in the meanwhile to do all that in her power lay to soften the old man’s heart and to bring about the happy conclusion of the romantic adventure.

For the latter we had chosen the night of May 23rd.  It was a moonless night, and the Passage Corneille, from whence I was to operate, was most usefully dark.  Sarah Goldberg had, according to convention, left the postern gate on the latch, and at ten o’clock precisely I made my way up the cul-de-sac and cautiously turned the handle of the door.  I confess that my heart beat somewhat uncomfortably in my bosom.

I had left Rochez and his barouche in the Rue des Pipots, about a hundred metres from the angle of the Passage Corneille, and it was along those hundred metres of a not altogether unfrequented street that he expected me presently to carry a possibly screaming and struggling burden in the very teeth of a gendarmerie always on the look-out for exciting captures.

No, Sir; that was not to be!  And it was with a resolute if beating heart that I presently felt the postern gate yielding to the pressure of my hand.  The neighbouring church clock of St. Sulpice had just finished striking ten.  I pushed open the gate and tip-toed across the threshold.

In the garden the boughs of a dilapidated old ash tree were soughing in the wind above my head, whilst from the top of the boundary wall the yarring and yowling of beasts of the feline species grated unpleasantly on my ear.  I could not see my hand before my eyes, and had just stretched it out in order to guide my footsteps when it was seized with a kindly yet firm pressure, whilst a voice murmured softly: 

“Hush!”

“Who is it?” I whispered in response.

“It is I-Sarah!” the voice replied.  “Everything is all right, but Leah is unsuspecting.  I am sure that if she suspected anything she would not set foot outside the door.”

“What shall we do?” I asked.

“Wait here a moment quietly,” Sarah rejoined, speaking in a rapid whisper, “under cover of this wall.  Within the next few minutes Leah will come out of the house.  I have left my knitting upon a garden chair, and I will ask her to run out and fetch it.  That will be your opportunity.  The chair is in the angle of the wall, there,” she added, pointing to her right, “not three paces from where you are standing now.  Leah has a white dress on.  She will have to stoop in order to pick up the knitting.  I have taken the precaution to entangle the wool in the leg of the chair, so she will be some few seconds entirely at your mercy.  Have you a shawl?”

I had, of course, provided myself with one.  A shawl is always a necessary adjunct to such adventures.  Breathlessly, silently, I intimated to my kind accomplice that I would obey her behests and that I was prepared for every eventuality.  The next moment her hold upon my hand relaxed, she gave another quickly-whispered “Hush!” and disappeared into the night.

For a second or two after that my ear caught the soft sound of her retreating footsteps, then nothing more.  To say that I felt anxious and ill at ease was but to put it mildly.  I was face to face with an adventure which might cost me at least five years’ acute discomfort in New Caledonia, but which might also bring me as rich a reward as could befall any man of modest ambitions:  a lovely wife and a comfortable fortune.  My whole life seemed to be hanging on a thread, and my overwrought senses seemed almost to catch the sound of the spinning-wheel of Fate weaving the web of my destiny.

A moment or two later I again caught the distinct sound of a gentle footfall upon the soft earth.  My eyes by now were somewhat accustomed to the gloom.  It was very dark, you understand; but through the darkness I saw something white moving slowly toward me.  Then my heart thumped more furiously than ever before.  I dared not breathe.  I saw the lovely Leah approaching, or, rather, I felt her approach, for it was too dark to see.  She moved in the direction which Sarah had indicated to me as being the place where stood the garden chair with the knitting upon it.  I grasped the shawl.  I was ready.

Another few seconds of agonising suspense went by.  The fair Leah had ceased to move.  Undoubtedly she was engaged in disentangling the wool from the leg of the chair.  That was my opportunity.  More stealthy than any cat, I tiptoed toward the chair-and, indeed, at that moment I blessed the sudden yowl set up by some feline in its wrath which rent the still night air and effectually drowned any sound which I might make.

There, not three paces away from me, was the dim outline of the young girl’s form vaguely discernible in the gloom-a white mass, almost motionless, against a background of inky blackness.  With a quick intaking of my breath I sprang forward, the shawl outspread in my hand, and with a quick dexterous gesture I threw it over her head, and the next second had her, faintly struggling, in my arms.  She was as light as a feather, and I was as strong as a giant.  Think of it, Sir!  There was I, alone in the darkness, holding in my arms, together with a lovely form, a fortune of two hundred thousand francs!

Of that fool Fernand Rochez I did not trouble to think.  He had a barouche waiting up the Rue des Pipots, a hundred metres from the corner of the Passage Corneille, but I had a chaise and pair of horses waiting down that same street, and that now was my objective.  Yes, Sir!  I had arranged the whole thing!  But I had done it for mine own advantage, not for that of the miserly friend who had been too great a coward to risk his own skin for the sake of his beloved.

The guerdon was mine, and I was determined this time that no traitor or ingrate should filch from me the reward of my labours.  With the thousand francs which Rochez had given me for my services I had engaged the chaise and horses, paid the coachman lavishly, and secured a cosy little apartment for my future wife in a pleasant hostelry I knew of at Suresnes.

I had taken the precaution to leave the wicket-gate on the latch.  With my foot I pushed it open, and, keeping well under the cover of the tall convent wall, I ran swiftly to the corner of the Rue des Pipots.  Here I paused a moment.  Through the silence of the night my ear caught the faint sound of horses snorting and harness jingling in the distance, both sides from where I stood; but of gendarmes or passers-by there was no sign.  Gathering up the full measure of my courage and holding my precious burden closer to my heart, I ran quickly down the street.

Within the next few seconds I had the seemingly inanimate maiden safely deposited in the inside of the barouche and myself sitting by her side.  The driver cracked his whip, and whilst I, happy but exhausted, was mopping my streaming forehead the chaise rattled gaily along the uneven pavements of the great city in the direction of Suresnes.

What that fool Rochez was doing I could not definitely ascertain.  I looked through the vasistas of the coach, but could see nothing in pursuit of us.  Then I turned my full attention to my lovely companion.  It was pitch dark inside the carriage, you understand; only from time to time, as we drove past an overhanging street lanthorn, I caught a glimpse of that priceless bundle beside me, which lay there so still and so snug, still wrapped up in the shawl.

With cautious, loving fingers I undid its folds.  Under cover of the darkness the sweet and modest creature, released of her bonds, turned for an instant to me, and for a few, very few, happy seconds I held her in my arms.

“Have no fear, fair one,” I murmured in her ear.  “It is I, Hector Ratichon, who adores you and who cannot live without you!  Forgive me for this seeming violence, which was prompted by an undying passion, and remember that to me you are as sacred as a divinity until the happy hour when I can proclaim you to the world as my beloved wife!”

I pressed her against my heart, and my lips imprinted a delicate kiss upon her forehead.  After which, with chaste decorum, she once more turned away from me, covered her face and head with the shawl, and drew back into the remote corner of the carriage, where she remained, silent and absorbed, no doubt, in the contemplation of her happiness.

I respected her silence, and I, too, fell to meditating upon my good fortune.  Here was I, Sir, within sight of a haven wherein I could live through the twilight of my days in comfort and in peace, a beautiful young wife, a modest fortune!  I had never in my wildest dreams envisaged a Fate more fair.  The little house at Chantilly which I coveted, the plot of garden, the espalier peaches-all, all would be mine now!  It seemed indeed too good to be true!

The very next moment I was rudely awakened from those golden dreams by a loud clatter, and stern voices shouting the ominous word, “Halt!” The carriage drew up with such a jerk that I was flung off my seat against the front window and my nose seriously bruised.  A faint cry of terror came from the precious bundle beside me.

“Have no fear, my beloved,” I whispered hurriedly.  “Your own Hector will protect you!”

Already the door of the carriage had been violently torn open; the next moment a gruff voice called out peremptorily: 

“By order of the Chief Commissary of Police!”

I was dumbfounded.  In what manner had the Chief Commissary of Police been already apprised of this affair?  The whole thing was, of course, a swift and vengeful blow dealt to me by that cowardly Rochez.  But how, in the name of thunder, had he got to work so quickly?  But, of course, there was no time now for reflection.  The gruff voice was going on more peremptorily and more insistently: 

“Is Hector Ratichon here?”

I was dumb.  My throat had closed up, and I could not have uttered a sound to save my life.  The police had even got my name quite straight!

“Now then, Ratichon,” that same irascible voice continued, “get out of there!  In the name of the law I charge you with the abduction of a defenceless female, and my orders are to bring you forthwith before the Chief Commissary of Police.”

Then it was, Sir, that bliss once more re-entered my soul.  I had just felt a small hand pressing something crisp into mine, whilst a soft voice whispered in my ear: 

“Give him this, and tell him to let you go in peace.  Say that I am Mademoiselle Goldberg, your promised wife.”

The feel of that crackling note in my hand at once restored my courage.  Covering the lovely creature beside me with a protecting arm, I replied boldly to the minion of the law.

“This lady,” I said, “is my affianced wife.  You, Sir Gendarme, are overstepping your powers.  I demand that you let us proceed in peace.”

“My orders are-” the gendarme resumed; but already my sensitive ear had detected a faint wavering in the gruffness of his voice.  The hectoring tone had gone out of it.  I could not see him, of course, but somehow I felt that his attitude had become less arrogant and his glance more shifty.

“This gentleman has spoken the truth,” now came in soft, dulcet tones from under the shawl that wrapped the head of my beloved.  “I am Mlle. Goldberg, M. lé Gendarme, and I am travelling with M. Hector Ratichon entirely of my own free will, since I have promised him that I would be his wife.”

“Ah!” the gendarme ejaculated, obviously mollified.

“If Mademoiselle is the fiancee of Monsieur, and is acting of her own free will-”

“It is not for you to interfere, eh, my friend?” I broke in jocosely.  “You will now let us proceed in peace, and for your trouble you will no doubt accept this token of my consideration.”  And, groping in the darkness, I found the rough hand of the gendarme, and speedily pressed into it the crisp note which my adored one had given to me.

“Ah!” he said, with very obvious gratification.  “If Monsieur Ratichon will assure me that Mademoiselle here is indeed his affianced wife, then indeed it is not a case of abduction, and-”

“Abduction!” I retorted, flaring up in righteous indignation.  “Who dares to use the word in connexion with this lovely lady?  Mademoiselle Goldberg, I swear, will be Madame Ratichon within the next four and twenty hours.  And the sooner you, Sir Gendarme, allow us to proceed on our way the less pain will you cause to this distressed and virtuous damsel.”

This settled the whole affair quite comfortably.  The gendarme shut the carriage door with a bang, and at my request gave the order to the driver to proceed.  The latter once again cracked his whip, and once again the cumbrous vehicle, after an awkward lurch, rattled on its way along the cobblestones of the sleeping city.

Once more I was alone with the priceless treasure by my side-alone and happy-more happy, I might say, than I had been before.  Had not my adored one openly acknowledged her love for me and her desire to stand with me at the hymeneal altar?  To put it vulgarly-though vulgarity in every form is repellent to me-she had burnt her boats.  She had allowed her name to be coupled with mine in the presence of the minions of the law.  What, after that, could her father do but give his consent to a union which alone would save his only child’s reputation from the cruelty of waggish tongues?

No doubt, Sir, that I was happy.  True, that when the uncouth gendarme finally slammed to the door of our carriage and we restarted on our way, my ears had been unpleasantly tickled by the sound of prolonged and ribald laughter-laughter which sounded strangely and unpleasantly familiar.  But after a few seconds’ serious reflection I dismissed the matter from my thoughts.  If, as indeed I gravely suspected, it was Fernand Rochez who had striven thus to put a spoke in the wheel of my good fortune, he would certainly not have laughed when I drove triumphantly away with my conquered bride by my side.  And, of course, my ears must have deceived me when they caught the sound of a girl’s merry laugh mingling with the more ribald one of the man.

4.

I have paused purposely, Sir, ere I embark upon the narration of the final stage of this, my life’s adventure.

The chaise was bowling along the banks of the river toward Suresnes.  Presently the driver struck to his right and plunged into the fastnesses of the Bois de Boulogne.  For a while, therefore, we were in utter darkness.  My lovely companion neither moved nor spoke.  Somewhere in the far distance a church clock struck eleven.  One whole hour had gone by since first I had embarked on this great undertaking.

I was excited, feverish.  The beautiful Leah’s silence and tranquillity grated upon my nerves.  I could not understand how she could remain there so placid when her whole life’s happiness had so suddenly, so unexpectedly, been assured.  I became more and more fidgety as time went on.  Soon I felt that I could no longer hold myself in proper control.  Being of an impulsive disposition, this tranquil acceptance of so great a joy became presently intolerable, and, unable to restrain my ardour any longer, I seized that passive bundle of loveliness in my arms.

“Have no fear,” I murmured once again, as I pressed her to my heart.

But my admonition was obviously unnecessary.  The beautiful Leah showed not the slightest sign of fear.  She rested her head against my shoulder and put one arm around my neck.  I was in raptures.

Just then the vehicle swung out of the Bois and once more rattled upon the cobblestones.  This time we were nearing Suresnes.  A vague light, emanating from the lanthorns at the bridge-head, was already faintly visible ahead of us.  Soon it grew brighter.  The next moment we passed immediately beneath the lanthorns.  The interior of the carriage was flooded with light . . . and, Sir, I gave a gasp of unadulterated dismay!  The being whom I held in my arms, whose face was even at that moment raised up to my own, was not the lovely Leah!  It was Sarah, Sir!  Sarah Goldberg, the dour, angular aunt, whose yellow teeth gleamed for one brief moment through her thin lips as she threw me one of those glances of amorous welcome which invariably sent a cold shiver down my spine.  Sarah Goldberg!  I scarce could believe my eyes, and for a moment did indeed think that the elusive, swiftly-vanished light of the bridge-head lanthorns had played my excited senses a weird and cruel trick.  But no!  The very next second proved my disillusionment.  Sarah spoke to me!

She spoke to me and laughed!  Ah, she was happy, Sir!  Happy in that she had completely and irrevocably tricked me!  That traitor Fernand Rochez was up to the neck in the plot which had saddled me for ever with an ugly, elderly wife of dour mien and no fortune, while he and the lovely Leah were spinning the threads of perfect love at the other end of Paris and laughing their fill at my discomfiture.  Think, Sir, what I suffered during those few brief minutes while the coach lurched through the narrow streets of Suresnes, and I had perforce to listen to the protestations of undying love from this unprepossessing female!

That love, she vowed, was her excuse, and everything, she asserted, was fair in love and war.  She knew that after Rochez had attained his heart’s desire and carried off the lady of his choice-which he had successfully done half an hour before I myself made my way up the Passage Corneille-I would pass out of her life for ever.  This she could not endure.  Life at once would become intolerable.  And, aided and abetted by Rochez and Leah, she had planned and contrived my mystification and won me by foul means, since she could not do so by fair; and it seemed as if her volubility then was the forecast of what my life with her would be in the future.  Talk!  Talk!  Talk!  She never ceased!

She told me the whole story of the abominable conspiracy against my liberty.  Her brother, M. Goldberg, she explained, had determined upon remarriage.  She, Sarah, felt that henceforth she would be in the way of everybody; she would have no home.  Leah married to Rochez; a new and young Mme. Goldberg ruling in the old house of the Rue des Médecins!  Ah, it was unthinkable!

And I, Sir-I, Hector Ratichon-had, it appears, by my polite manners and prepossessing ways, induced this dour old maid to believe that she was not altogether indifferent to me.  Ah, how I cursed my own charms, when I realised whither they had led me!  It seems that it was that fickle jade Leah who first imagined the whole execrable plot.  Rochez was to entrust me with the task of carrying off his beloved, and thus I would be tricked in the darkness into abducting Mlle. Goldberg senior from her home.  Then some friends of Rochez arranged to play the comedy of false gendarmes, and again I was tricked into acknowledging Sarah as my affianced wife before independent witnesses.  After that I could no longer repudiate mine honourable intentions, for if I did, then I should be arraigned before the law on a criminal charge of abduction.  In this comedy of false gendarmes Rochez himself and the heartless Leah had joined with zest and laughed over my discomfiture, whilst the friends who played their roles to such perfection had a paltry hundred francs each as the price of this infamous trick.  Now my doom was sealed, and all that was left for me to do was to think disconsolately over my future.

I did bitterly reproach Sarah for her treachery and tried to still her protestations of love by pointing out to her that I had absolutely no fortune, and could only offer her a life of squalor, not to say of what.  But this she knew, and vowed that penury by my side would make her happier than luxury beside any other man.  Ah, Sir, ’tis given to few men to arouse such selfless passion in a woman’s heart, and it hath oft been my dream in the past one day thus to be adored for myself alone!

But for the moment I was too deeply angered to listen placidly to Sarah’s vows of undying affection.  My nerves were irritated by her fulsome adulation; indeed, I could not bear the sight of her nor yet the sound of her voice.  You may imagine how thankful I was when the chaise came at last to a halt outside the humble little hostelry where I had engaged the room which I had so fondly hoped would have been occupied by the lovely and fickle Leah.

I bundled Mlle. Goldberg senior into the house, and here again I had to endure galling mortification in the shape of sidelong glances cast at me and my future bride by the landlord of the hostelry and his ill-bred daughter.  When I engaged the room I had very foolishly told them that it would be occupied by a lovely lady who had consented to be my wife, and that she would remain here in happy seclusion until such time as all arrangements for our wedding were complete.  The humiliation of these vulgar people’s irony seemed like the last straw which overweighed my forbearance.  The room and pension I had already paid two days in advance, so I had nothing more to say either to the ribald landlord or to Mlle. Goldberg senior.  I was bitterly angered against her, and refused her the solace of a kindly look or of an encouraging pressure from my hand, even though she waited for both with the pathetic patience of an old spaniel.

I re-entered the coach, which was to take me back to mine own humble lodgings in Passy.  Here at least I was alone-alone with my gloomy thoughts.  My heart was full of wrath against the woman who had so basely tricked me, and I viewed with dismay amounting almost to despair the prospect of spending the rest of my life in her company.  That night I slept but little, nor yet the following night, or the night after that.  Those days I spent in seclusion, thankful for my solitude.

Twice each day did Mlle. Goldberg come to my lodgings.  In the foolish past I had somewhat injudiciously acquainted her of where I lived.  Now she came and asked to be allowed to see me, but invariably did I refuse thus to gratify her.  I felt that time alone would perhaps soften my feelings a little towards her.  In the meanwhile I must commend her discretion and delicacy of procedure.  She did not in any way attempt to molest me.  When she was told by Theodore-whom I employed during the day to guard me against unwelcome visitors-that I refused to see her, she invariably went away without demur, nor did she refer in any way, either with adjurations or threats, to the impending wedding.  Indeed, Sir, she was a lady of vast discretion.

On the third day, however, I received a visit from M. Goldberg himself.  I could not refuse to see him.  Indeed, he would not be denied, but roughly pushed Theodore aside, who tried to hinder him.  He had come armed with a riding-whip, and nothing but mine own innate dignity saved me from outrage.  He came, Sir, with a marriage licence for his sister and me in one pocket and with a denunciation to the police against me for abduction in another.  He gave me the choice.  What could I do, Sir?  I was like a helpless babe in the hands of unscrupulous brigands!

The marriage licence was for the following day-at the mairie of the eighth arrondissement first, and in the synagogue of the Rue des Halles afterwards.  I chose the marriage licence.  What could I do, Sir?  I was helpless!

Of my wedding day I have but a dim recollection.  It was all hustle and bustle; from the mairie to the synagogue, and thence to the house of M. Goldberg in the Rue des Médecins.  I must say that the old usurer received me and my bride with marked amiability.  He was, I gathered, genuinely pleased that his sister had found happiness and a home by the side of an honourable man, seeing that he himself was on the point of contracting a fresh alliance with a Jewish lady of unsurpassed loveliness.

Of Rochez and Leah we saw nothing that day, and from one or two words which M. Goldberg let fall I concluded that he was greatly angered against his daughter because of her marriage with a fortune-hunting adventurer, who, he weirdly hinted, had already found quick and exemplary punishment for his crime.  I was sincerely glad to hear this, even though I could not get M. Goldberg to explain in what that exemplary punishment consisted.

The climax came at six o’clock of that eventful afternoon, at the hour when I, with the newly-enthroned Mme. Ratichon on my arm, was about to take leave of M. Goldberg.  I must admit that at that moment my heart was overflowing with bitterness.  I had been led like a lamb to the slaughter; I had been made to look foolish and absurd in the midst of this Israelite community which I despised; I was saddled for the rest of my life with an unprepossessing elderly wife, who could do naught for me but share the penury, the hard crusts, the onion pies with me and Theodore.  The only advantage I might ever derive from her was that she would darn my stockings, sew the buttons on my vests, and goffer the frills of my shirts!

Was this not enough to turn any man’s naturally sweet disposition to gall?  No doubt my mobile face betrayed something of the bitterness of my thoughts, for M. Goldberg at one moment slapped me vigorously on the back and bade me be of good cheer, as things were not so bad as I imagined.  I was on the point of asking him what he meant when I saw another gentleman advancing toward me.  His face, which was sallow and oily, bore a kind of obsequious smile; his clothes were of rusty black, and his features were markedly Jewish in character.  He had some law papers under his arm, and he was perpetually rubbing his thin, bony hands together as if he were for ever washing them.

“Monsieur Hector Ratichon,” he said unctuously, “it is with much gratification that I bring you the joyful news.”

Joyful news!-to me!  Ah, Sir, the words struck at first with cruel irony upon mine ear.  But not so a second later, for the Jewish gentleman went on speaking, and what he said appeared to my reeling senses like songs of angels from paradise.

At first I could not grasp his full meaning.  A moment ago I had been in the depths of despair, and now-now-a whole vista of beatitude opened out before me!  What the worthy Israelite said was that, by the terms of Grandpapa Goldberg’s will, if Leah married without her father’s consent, one-half of the fortune destined for her would revert to her aunt, Sarah Goldberg, now Madame Hector Ratichon.

Can you wonder that I could scarce believe my ears?  One-half that fortune meant that a hundred thousand francs would now become mine!  M. Goldberg had already made it very clear to his daughter and to Rochez that he would never give his consent to their marriage, and, as this was now consummated, they had already forfeited one-half of the grandfather’s fortune in favour of my Sarah.  That was the exemplary punishment which they were to suffer for their folly.

But their folly-aye! and their treachery-had become my joy.  In this moment of heavenly rapture I was speechless, but I turned to Sarah with loving arms outstretched, and the next instant she nestled against my heart like a joyful if elderly bird.

What is said of a people, Sir, is also true of the individual.  Happy he who hath no history.  Since that never-to-be-forgotten hour my life has run its simple, uneventful course here in this quiet corner of our beautiful France, with my pony and my dog and my chickens, and Mme. Ratichon to minister to my creature comforts.

I bought this little property, Sir, soon after my marriage, and my office in the Rue Daunou knows me no more.  You like the house, Sir?  Ah, yes!  And the garden? . . .  After dejeuner you must see my prize chickens.  Theodore will show them to you.  You did not know Theodore was here?  Well, yes!  He lives with us.  Madame Ratichon finds him useful about the house, and, not being used to luxuries, he is on the whole pleasantly contented.

Ah, here comes Madame Ratichon to tell us that the dejeuner is served!  This way, Sir, under the porch. . . .  After you!