In the kitchen Sally was extremely
busy-saucepans and frying-pans were standing
in rows on the gigantic hearth, the huge stock-pot
stood in a corner, and the jack turned with slow deliberation,
and presented alternately to the glow every side of
a noble sirloin of beef. The two little kitchen-maids
bustled around, eager to help, hot and panting, with
cotton sleeves well tucked up above the dimpled elbows,
and giggling over some private jokes of their own,
whenever Miss Sally’s back was turned for a
moment. And old Jemima, stolid in temper and
solid in bulk, kept up a long and subdued grumble,
while she stirred the stock-pot methodically over
the fire.
“What ho! Sally!”
came in cheerful if none too melodious accents from
the coffee-room close by.
“Lud bless my soul!” exclaimed
Sally, with a good-humoured laugh, “what be
they all wanting now, I wonder!”
“Beer, of course,” grumbled
Jemima, “you don’t ’xpect Jimmy Pitkin
to ’ave done with one tankard, do ye?”
“Mr. ’Arry, ’e
looked uncommon thirsty too,” simpered Martha,
one of the little kitchen-maids; and her beady black
eyes twinkled as they met those of her companion,
whereupon both started on a round of short and suppressed
giggles.
Sally looked cross for a moment, and
thoughtfully rubbed her hands against her shapely
hips; her palms were itching, evidently, to come in
contact with Martha’s rosy cheeks-but
inherent good-humour prevailed, and with a pout and
a shrug of the shoulders, she turned her attention
to the fried potatoes.
“What ho, Sally! hey, Sally!”
And a chorus of pewter mugs, tapped
with impatient hands against the oak tables of the
coffee-room, accompanied the shouts for mine host’s
buxom daughter.
“Sally!” shouted a more
persistent voice, “are ye goin’ to be all
night with that there beer?”
“I do think father might get
the beer for them,” muttered Sally, as Jemima,
stolidly and without further comment, took a couple
of foam-crowned jugs from the shelf, and began filling
a number of pewter tankards with some of that home-brewed
ale for which “The Fisherman’s Rest”
had been famous since that days of King Charles. “’E
knows ’ow busy we are in ’ere.”
“Your father is too busy discussing
politics with Mr. ’Empseed to worry ’isself
about you and the kitchen,” grumbled Jemima under
her breath.
Sally had gone to the small mirror
which hung in a corner of the kitchen, and was hastily
smoothing her hair and setting her frilled cap at
its most becoming angle over her dark curls; then she
took up the tankards by their handles, three in each
strong, brown hand, and laughing, grumbling, blushing,
carried them through into the coffee room.
There, there was certainly no sign
of that bustle and activity which kept four women
busy and hot in the glowing kitchen beyond.
The coffee-room of “The Fisherman’s
Rest” is a show place now at the beginning of
the twentieth century. At the end of the eighteenth,
in the year of grace 1792, it had not yet gained the
notoriety and importance which a hundred additional
years and the craze of the age have since bestowed
upon it. Yet it was an old place, even then, for
the oak rafters and beams were already black with
age-as were the panelled seats, with their
tall backs, and the long polished tables between,
on which innumerable pewter tankards had left fantastic
patterns of many-sized rings. In the leaded window,
high up, a row of pots of scarlet geraniums and blue
larkspur gave the bright note of colour against the
dull background of the oak.
That Mr. Jellyband, landlord of “The
Fisherman’s Rest” at Dover, was a prosperous
man, was of course clear to the most casual observer.
The pewter on the fine old dressers, the brass above
the gigantic hearth, shone like silver and gold-the
red-tiled floor was as brilliant as the scarlet geranium
on the window sill-this meant that his servants
were good and plentiful, that the custom was constant,
and of that order which necessitated the keeping up
of the coffee-room to a high standard of elegance
and order.
As Sally came in, laughing through
her frowns, and displaying a row of dazzling white
teeth, she was greeted with shouts and chorus of applause.
“Why, here’s Sally!
What ho, Sally! Hurrah for pretty Sally!”
“I thought you’d grown
deaf in that kitchen of yours,” muttered Jimmy
Pitkin, as he passed the back of his hand across his
very dry lips.
“All ri’! all ri’!”
laughed Sally, as she deposited the freshly-filled
tankards upon the tables, “why, what a ’urry
to be sure! And is your gran’mother a-dyin’
an’ you wantin’ to see the pore soul afore
she’m gone! I never see’d such a
mighty rushin’” A chorus of good-humoured
laughter greeted this witticism, which gave the company
there present food for many jokes, for some considerable
time. Sally now seemed in less of a hurry to
get back to her pots and pans. A young man with
fair curly hair, and eager, bright blue eyes, was engaging
most of her attention and the whole of her time, whilst
broad witticisms anent Jimmy Pitkin’s fictitious
grandmother flew from mouth to mouth, mixed with heavy
puffs of pungent tobacco smoke.
Facing the hearth, his legs wide apart,
a long clay pipe in his mouth, stood mine host himself,
worthy Mr. Jellyband, landlord of “The Fisherman’s
Rest,” as his father had before him, aye, and
his grandfather and great-grandfather too, for that
matter. Portly in build, jovial in countenance
and somewhat bald of pate, Mr. Jellyband was indeed
a typical rural John Bull of those days-the
days when our prejudiced insularity was at its height,
when to an Englishman, be he lord, yeoman, or peasant,
the whole of the continent of Europe was a den of
immorality and the rest of the world an unexploited
land of savages and cannibals.
There he stood, mine worthy host,
firm and well set up on his limbs, smoking his long
churchwarden and caring nothing for nobody at home,
and despising everybody abroad. He wore the typical
scarlet waistcoat, with shiny brass buttons, the corduroy
breeches, and grey worsted stockings and smart buckled
shoes, that characterised every self-respecting innkeeper
in Great Britain in these days-and while
pretty, motherless Sally had need of four pairs of
brown hands to do all the work that fell on her shapely
shoulders, worthy Jellyband discussed the affairs of
nations with his most privileged guests.
The coffee-room indeed, lighted by
two well-polished lamps, which hung from the raftered
ceiling, looked cheerful and cosy in the extreme.
Through the dense clouds of tobacco smoke that hung
about in every corner, the faces of Mr. Jellyband’s
customers appeared red and pleasant to look at, and
on good terms with themselves, their host and all the
world; from every side of the room loud guffaws accompanied
pleasant, if not highly intellectual, conversation-while
Sally’s repeated giggles testified to the good
use Mr. Harry Waite was making of the short time she
seemed inclined to spare him.
They were mostly fisher-folk who patronised
Mr. Jellyband’s coffee-room, but fishermen are
known to be very thirsty people; the salt which they
breathe in, when they are on the sea, accounts for
their parched throats when on shore, but “The
Fisherman’s Rest” was something more than
a rendezvous for these humble folk. The London
and Dover coach started from the hostel daily, and
passengers who had come across the Channel, and those
who started for the “grand tour,” all became
acquainted with Mr. Jellyband, his French wines and
his home-brewed ales.
It was towards the close of September,
1792, and the weather which had been brilliant and
hot throughout the month had suddenly broken up; for
two days torrents of rain had deluged the south of
England, doing its level best to ruin what chances
the apples and pears and late plums had of becoming
really fine, self-respecting fruit. Even now it
was beating against the leaded windows, and tumbling
down the chimney, making the cheerful wood fire sizzle
in the hearth.
“Lud! did you ever see such
a wet September, Mr. Jellyband?” asked Mr. Hempseed.
He sat in one of the seats inside
the hearth, did Mr. Hempseed, for he was an authority
and important personage not only at “The Fisherman’s
Rest,” where Mr. Jellyband always made a special
selection of him as a foil for political arguments,
but throughout the neighborhood, where his learning
and notably his knowledge of the Scriptures was held
in the most profound awe and respect. With one
hand buried in the capacious pockets of his corduroys
underneath his elaborately-worked, well-worn smock,
the other holding his long clay pipe, Mr. Hempseed
sat there looking dejectedly across the room at the
rivulets of moisture which trickled down the window
panes.
“No,” replied Mr. Jellyband,
sententiously, “I dunno, Mr. ’Empseed,
as I ever did. An’ I’ve been in these
parts nigh on sixty years.”
“Aye! you wouldn’t rec’llect
the first three years of them sixty, Mr. Jellyband,”
quietly interposed Mr. Hempseed. “I dunno
as I ever see’d an infant take much note of
the weather, leastways not in these parts, an’
I’ve lived ’ere nigh on seventy-five
years, Mr. Jellyband.”
The superiority of this wisdom was
so incontestable that for the moment Mr. Jellyband
was not ready with his usual flow of argument.
“It do seem more like April
than September, don’t it?” continued Mr.
Hempseed, dolefully, as a shower of raindrops fell
with a sizzle upon the fire.
“Aye! that it do,” assented
the worth host, “but then what can you ’xpect,
Mr. ’Empseed, I says, with sich a government
as we’ve got?”
Mr. Hempseed shook his head with an
infinity of wisdom, tempered by deeply-rooted mistrust
of the British climate and the British Government.
“I don’t ’xpect
nothing, Mr. Jellyband,” he said. “Pore
folks like us is of no account up there in Lunnon,
I knows that, and it’s not often as I do complain.
But when it comes to sich wet weather in September,
and all me fruit a-rottin’ and a-dying’
like the ’Guptian mother’s first born,
and doin’ no more good than they did, pore dears,
save a lot more Jews, pedlars and sich, with
their oranges and sich like foreign ungodly fruit,
which nobody’d buy if English apples and pears
was nicely swelled. As the Scriptures say-
“That’s quite right, Mr.
’Empseed,” retorted Jellyband, “and
as I says, what can you ’xpect? There’s
all them Frenchy devils over the Channel yonder a-murderin’
their king and nobility, and Mr. Pitt and Mr. Fox
and Mr. Burke a-fightin’ and a-wranglin’
between them, if we Englishmen should ’low them
to go on in their ungodly way. ’Let ’em
murder!’ says Mr. Pitt. ’Stop ’em!’
says Mr. Burke.”
“And let ’em murder, says
I, and be demmed to ’em.” said Mr. Hempseed,
emphatically, for he had but little liking for his
friend Jellyband’s political arguments, wherein
he always got out of his depth, and had but little
chance for displaying those pearls of wisdom which
had earned for him so high a reputation in the neighbourhood
and so many free tankards of ale at “The Fisherman’s
Rest.”
“Let ’em murder,”
he repeated again, “but don’t lets ’ave
sich rain in September, for that is agin the
law and the Scriptures which says-
“Lud! Mr. ’Arry, ’ow you
made me jump!”
It was unfortunate for Sally and her
flirtation that this remark of hers should have occurred
at the precise moment when Mr. Hempseed was collecting
his breath, in order to deliver himself one of those
Scriptural utterances which made him famous, for it
brought down upon her pretty head the full flood of
her father’s wrath.
“Now then, Sally, me girl, now
then!” he said, trying to force a frown upon
his good-humoured face, “stop that fooling with
them young jackanapes and get on with the work.”
“The work’s gettin’ on all ri’,
father.”
But Mr. Jellyband was peremptory.
He had other views for his buxom daughter, his only
child, who would in God’s good time become the
owner of “The Fisherman’s Rest,”
than to see her married to one of these young fellows
who earned but a precarious livelihood with their net.
“Did ye hear me speak, me girl?”
he said in that quiet tone, which no one inside the
inn dared to disobey. “Get on with my Lord
Tony’s supper, for, if it ain’t the best
we can do, and ’e not satisfied, see what you’ll
get, that’s all.”
Reluctantly Sally obeyed.
“Is you ’xpecting special
guests then to-night, Mr. Jellyband?” asked
Jimmy Pitkin, in a loyal attempt to divert his host’s
attention from the circumstances connected with Sally’s
exit from the room.
“Aye! that I be,” replied
Jellyband, “friends of my Lord Tony hisself.
Dukes and duchesses from over the water yonder, whom
the young lord and his friend, Sir Andrew Ffoulkes,
and other young noblemen have helped out of the clutches
of them murderin’ devils.”
But this was too much for Mr. Hempseed’s
querulous philosophy.
“Lud!” he said, “what
do they do that for, I wonder? I don’t ’old
not with interferin’ in other folks’ ways.
As the Scriptures say-
“Maybe, Mr. ’Empseed,”
interrupted Jellyband, with biting sarcasm, “as
you’re a personal friend of Mr. Pitt, and as
you says along with Mr. Fox: ’Let ’em
murder!’ says you.”
“Pardon me, Mr. Jellyband,”
feebly protested Mr. Hempseed, “I dunno as I
ever did.”
But Mr. Jellyband had at last succeeded
in getting upon his favourite hobby-horse, and had
no intention of dismounting in any hurry.
“Or maybe you’ve made
friends with some of them French chaps ’oo they
do say have come over here o’ purpose to make
us Englishmen agree with their murderin’ ways.”
“I dunno what you mean, Mr.
Jellyband,” suggested Mr. Hempseed, “all
I know is-
“All I know is,”
loudly asserted mine host, “that there was my
friend Peppercorn, ’oo owns the ‘Blue-Faced
Boar,’ an’ as true and loyal an Englishman
as you’d see in the land. And now look at
’im!-’E made friends with some
o’ them frog-eaters, ’obnobbed with them
just as if they was Englishmen, and not just a lot
of immoral, Godforsaking furrin’ spies.
Well! and what happened? Peppercorn ’e now
ups and talks of revolutions, and liberty, and down
with the aristocrats, just like Mr. ’Empseed
over ’ere!”
“Pardon me, Mr. Jellyband,”
again interposed Mr. Hempseed feebly, “I dunno
as I ever did-
Mr. Jellyband had appealed to the
company in general, who were listening awe-struck
and open-mouthed at the recital of Mr. Peppercorn’s
défalcations. At one table two customers-gentlemen
apparently by their clothes-had pushed
aside their half-finished game of dominoes, and had
been listening for some time, and evidently with much
amusement at Mr. Jellyband’s international opinions.
One of them now, with a quiet, sarcastic smile still
lurking round the corners of his mobile mouth, turned
towards the centre of the room where Mr. Jellyband
was standing.
“You seem to think, mine honest
friend,” he said quietly, “that these
Frenchmen,-spies I think you called them-are
mighty clever fellows to have made mincemeat so to
speak of your friend Mr. Peppercorn’s opinions.
How did they accomplish that now, think you?”
“Lud! sir, I suppose they talked
’im over. Those Frenchies, I’ve ’eard
it said, ’ave got the gift of gab-and
Mr. ’Empseed ’ere will tell you ’ow
it is that they just twist some people round their
little finger like.”
“Indeed, and is that so, Mr.
Hempseed?” inquired the stranger politely.
“Nay, sir!” replied Mr.
Hempseed, much irritated, “I dunno as I can give
you the information you require.”
“Faith, then,” said the
stranger, “let us hope, my worthy host, that
these clever spies will not succeed in upsetting your
extremely loyal opinions.”
But this was too much for Mr. Jellyband’s
pleasant equanimity. He burst into an uproarious
fit of laughter, which was soon echoed by those who
happened to be in his debt.
“Hahaha! hohoho! hehehe!”
He laughed in every key, did my worthy host, and laughed
until his sided ached, and his eyes streamed.
“At me! hark at that! Did ye ’ear
‘im say that they’d be upsettin’
my opinions?-Eh?-Lud love you,
sir, but you do say some queer things.”
“Well, Mr. Jellyband,”
said Mr. Hempseed, sententiously, “you know what
the Scriptures say: ’Let ’im ’oo
stands take ’eed lest ‘e fall.’”
“But then hark’ee Mr.
’Empseed,” retorted Jellyband, still holding
his sides with laughter, “the Scriptures didn’t
know me. Why, I wouldn’t so much as drink
a glass of ale with one o’ them murderin’
Frenchmen, and nothin’ ’d make me change
my opinions. Why! I’ve ’eard
it said that them frog-eaters can’t even speak
the King’s English, so, of course, if any of
’em tried to speak their God-forsaken lingo to
me, why, I should spot them directly, see!-and
forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.”
“Aye! my honest friend,”
assented the stranger cheerfully, “I see that
you are much too sharp, and a match for any twenty
Frenchmen, and here’s to your very good health,
my worthy host, if you’ll do me the honour to
finish this bottle of mine with me.”
“I am sure you’re very
polite, sir,” said Mr. Jellyband, wiping his
eyes which were still streaming with the abundance
of his laughter, “and I don’t mind if
I do.”
The stranger poured out a couple of
tankards full of wine, and having offered one to mine
host, he took the other himself.
“Loyal Englishmen as we all
are,” he said, whilst the same humorous smile
played round the corners of his thin lips-“loyal
as we are, we must admit that this at least is one
good thing which comes to us from France.”
“Aye! we’ll none of us
deny that, sir,” assented mine host.
“And here’s to the best
landlord in England, our worthy host, Mr. Jellyband,”
said the stranger in a loud tone of voice.
“Hi, hip, hurrah!” retorted
the whole company present. Then there was a loud
clapping of hands, and mugs and tankards made a rattling
music upon the tables to the accompaniment of loud
laughter at nothing in particular, and of Mr. Jellyband’s
muttered exclamations:
“Just fancy me bein’
talked over by any God-forsaken furriner!-What?-Lud
love you, sir, but you do say some queer things.”
To which obvious fact the stranger
heartily assented. It was certainly a preposterous
suggestion that anyone could ever upset Mr. Jellyband’s
firmly-rooted opinions anent the utter worthlessness
of the inhabitants of the whole continent of Europe.