“My Miriam: Your note,
through the hands of Mr. Gregory, has been received read,
noted, pondered over with pain and amazement.
The avowal of your name so uselessly withheld from
me, lets in a whole flood of light, blinding and dazzling,
too, on a subject that fills me with infinite solicitude.
“There have been strange reserves
between us that never ought to have existed, on my
part as well as yours. I should have told you
that I once had a half-sister, called Constance Glen older
than myself by many years who married during
my long absence from our native land a gentleman much
older than herself, an Englishman by the name of Monfort,
and, after giving birth to a daughter, died suddenly.
These particulars I gathered from strangers, but there
were many wanting which you can best supply.
I know that this gentleman had a daughter, or daughters,
by an earlier marriage and I can find no
clew to the date of my sister’s marriage which
might in itself determine the possible age of her own
daughter. That this child survived I have painful
cause to remember. I had sustained shipwreck,
and was in abeyance for clothes and money both, when
it occurred to me to call on my brother-in-law, present
to him my credentials, and remain a few days at his
house as his guest, in the enjoyment of my sister’s
society, until my needs could be supplied from certain
resources at a distance. The reception I met with
from his elder daughter, and the information she haughtily
gave me, determined my course. I sought no more
the inhospitable roof of Mr. Monfort, to find shelter
beneath which I had forfeited all claim by the death
of my sister, then first suddenly revealed to me.
Her child, I was told, had been recently injured by
burning and could not be seen, even by so near a relative,
and the manner of the young lady, whom I now identify
as Evelyn Monfort, was such as to lead me at the time
to believe this a mere excuse or evasion, which I
did not seek to oppose.
“It is just possible that there
may be a third sister, yet I think I have heard you
say you had but one, and this reminiscence is anguish
to my mind. Even more, the careless and unwarrantable
allusions of Mr. Gregory to certain scars, evidently
from burns that he had the insolence to observe on
your neck and arms, and remark upon as mere foils to
their beauty, in my first acquaintance with you and
before I had a right to silence him, recurred to me
as a partial confirmation of my fears. Without
explaining to him my motives, I questioned him on this
subject again soon after he handed me your note, a
proceeding that I should have shrunk from as gross
and unworthy of a gentleman under any other circumstances.
I did not stop to think what impression my inquiries
would leave upon his mind, ever prone to levity and
suspicion; but he must have seen that I was deeply
moved, and that no impertinent curiosity could sway
me to such a course with regard to the woman I loved
and had openly declared my plighted wife. You
will understand all this and make allowance for me.
Write to me immediately, and relieve, if possible,
my intense solicitude. At all events, let me know
the truth, and look it in the face as soon as may
be. Any reality is better than suspense.
Yet I must ‘hope against hope,’ or surrender
wholly. I have not time to write another line.
My business is imperative, or I should certainly retrace
my steps.
“Yours eternally, Wentworth.”
The man who wrote this letter was
capable of condensing in a few calm words a world
of passion, whether he spoke or wrote them; but he
had governed his pen carefully in his agonizing uncertainty.
It was yet to be determined when he penned these lines
whether he should be considered a lover addressing
his mistress, or an uncle writing to his niece, and
in this bitter perplexity he commanded his inclinations
to the side of principle.
I wept with tears of joy and thankfulness
above this constrained epistle I pressed
it to my heart, my lips, a thousand times, in the
quiet hours of night, in the moments of retirement
my jailer granted me. The child Ernie alone saw
and wondered at these manifestations of which I first
saw the extravagance through his solemn imitations
thereof, which yet made me catch him rapturously in
my arms and kiss him a thousand times, until he put
me aside, at last, with decorous dignity, as one transcending
privilege.
By some vicarious process, best understood
by lovers, I lavished on little Ernie a thousand terms
of endearment, meant only for another, and by the
light of my own happiness he seemed transfigured.
He was identified with the lifting away of a burden
more bitter than captivity itself. They could
but kill my body now my soul was filled
with a new life that nothing could extinguish; and
believing in Wentworth, I felt that I could die happy,
let death come when and how it would. I knew now
that in the course of time, whether I lived or died,
Wentworth would know that I was not his niece, and
claim Mabel as his own, remembering my estimate of
those who held her in charge. Then would the tide
of love and passion, so long repressed, roll back
in its old channel, and he would leave no stone unturned,
no path unexplored, whereby to trace my fate.
To this, as yet, he held no clew.
The sea had seemed to swallow Miriam Harz, by which
name I had been registered in the ship’s books
and known to the passengers; nor could it be surmised
that the young “mad girl,” since spoken
of, as I had been told, in the papers, as having been
restored to her friends by the accident of meeting
the Latona, and Miriam Monfort, were one and the same
person. But if the time should come when all
should be explained, either by my own lips or the
revelations of others, good cause might Basil Bainrothe
and his confederate have to tremble!
Like all cold, patient, deeply-feeling
men, there were untold reserves of power and passion
in the nature of Wardour Wentworth which might, for
aught I knew to the contrary, tend naturally to and
culminate in revenge. The wish to retaliate was,
I knew, a fundamental fault in my own character, one
I had often occasion to struggle with even in childhood,
when Evelyn, my despot, was also my dependant, and
generosity had been called to the aid of forbearance.
Vengeance was a fierce thirst in my Judaic heart which
only Christian streams could ever allay or quench,
and I judged the man I loved by self not
always a fitting standard of comparison.
And Gregory! I could imagine
well the fiendish delight with which he had seen me
day by day writhing uncomplainingly beneath the unexplained
and as I had deemed unsuspected alienation of Wentworth,
the cause of which his act had wrapped in mystery!
Afraid to tamper with the note I gave him for the
cool, discerning eye of Wentworth, curiosity had at
first led him to break the seal of that intrusted
to his care in return, and dark malevolence to retain
it rather than destroy, for the eye of his confederate.
That he had dispatched it at once for Paris was very
evident from the pencilling on the back of the letter;
and that the snare was set for me already, in which
the accident of the encountered raft proved an assistant,
I could not doubt.
I fell into the hands of Bainrothe
on shipboard instead of into those of Gregory in New
York; this was the only difference, for subterfuge
could have done its work as well, if not as daringly,
on land as on sea; and the league of iniquity was
made before I sailed from Savannah.
How perfectly I could comprehend,
for the first time since this revelation, what Wentworth
must have suffered beneath his burden of unrelieved
doubt and conjecture! I could see how, day by
day, as no answer came to change the current of his
thoughts, conviction slowly settled down like a cloud
upon his heart, his reason; and what stern confirmation
of all he dreaded most, my silence must have seemed
to him!
All this I saw in my mental survey
with pity, with concern, with wild desire to fly to
him, and whisper truth and consolation in his arms;
for I loved this man as it is given to passionate,
earnest natures to love but once, be it early or late;
loved him as Eve loved Adam, when the whole inhabited
earth was given to those two alone.
“You seem in very good spirits
to-day, Miss Monfort,” said Mrs. Clayton, with
unusual asperity on one occasion, when, holding Ernie
in my arms, I lavished endearments upon him; “your
king, indeed! your angel! I really believe you
admire as well as love that hideous little elf.”
“Of course I do, Mrs. Clayton;
all things I love are beautiful to me;” and
I remembered how Bertie’s plain face had grown
into touching loveliness in my sight from the affection
I bore her.
“And do you really love this child?”
“Most certainly, and very tenderly
too; is he not my sweetest consolation in this dreary
life?”
“What if they remove him?”
“Ah! what, indeed!” and,
relaxing my grasp, I clasped my hands together patiently;
that thought had occurred to me before.
“It is a very strong affection
to have sprung up from a short acquaintance on a raft,”
she remarked, sententiously.
“I saved his infant life, you
know; and the benefactor always loves the thing he
benefits. It is on this principle alone God loves
his erring creatures, Mrs. Clayton, rest assured.”
“If you had loved the child
with true friendship, you would have pushed him into
the sea, rather than have held him in your arms above
it.”
“Do you suppose he is less near
to God than you or I to Christ the all-merciful?”
I questioned, sternly. “Much rather would
I have that infant’s yet unconscious hope of
heaven than either yours or mine, Mrs. Clayton!”
“But his earthly hope it
was that I alluded to; what chance for him? Poor,
weakly, deformed; he had better be at rest than knocked
from pillar to post, as he must be in this hard, cold
world of chance and change.”
“And that shall never be while
I live, Ernie,” I said, taking him again in
my lap, at his silent solicitation. “Why,
Mrs. Clayton, with such a noble soul, such intelligence
as this child possesses, he may fill a pulpit, and
save erring souls, or write such beautiful poems and
romances as shall thrill the heart, or draw from an
instrument sounds as divine as De Beriot’s,
or paint a picture, and immortalize his name; there
is nothing too good, too great for Ernie to do, should
God grant him life to achieve; and, as surely as I
am spared to be enfranchised, shall I make this gifted
child my charge.”
“You are perfectly infatuated,
Miss Monfort; I declare, I shall begin to believe ”
“No, you shall not begin to
believe any such, thing,” I interrupted her,
smiling; “you are surely too sensible and just
a woman to begin to believe fallacies thus late in
the day.”
“Have it your own way,”
she said, sharply; “you always get the better
of me at last.”
“Not always,” I pursued,
“or I should not be here, you know. It rests
with you to keep or let me go ”
“To ruin my child’s husband!
There, now! you have my life-secret,” she said,
with a desperate gesture; “use it as you will.”
I understood more than ever the hopelessness
of my case from the moment of that impulsive revelation,
to which I made no answer.
“What is more,” she said,
huskily, “I, too, am watched; I never knew this
until two days ago: a negro man, an attendant
of the house, an old servant of your guardian’s,
I believe, guards the doors below, and refuses to
let me pass to and fro. Dinah, even, is employed
to dog my steps. This is not exactly what I bargained
for; yet, in spite of all, on her account I shall
be faithful to the end.” And for a time
she busied herself in that careful dusting of the
ornaments of the chamber, which seemed mechanical,
so habitual was it to her sense of order and tidiness.
Her hand was on the gold-emblazoned
Bible, I remember, and her party-colored bunch of
plumes lifted above it, as if for immediate action,
when her arm fell heavily to her side, and she heaved
a bitter sigh, so deep, it sounded like a long-suppressed
sob, rather, to my ear.
“If I could only think you did
not hate me, Miss Miriam,” she said, “I
believe I could be better satisfied to lead the life
I do.”
“Hate you! Why should I
hate you, Mrs. Clayton? You are only a tool in
the hands of my persecutor, I know, from your own confession,
and I understand your motive better in the last few
moments than I did before (inadequate as it seems
to my sense of justice), for aiding this oppressor.
You have been very kind to me in some respects; an
inferior person could have tortured in a thousand
ways, where you have shown yourself considerate, delicate
even, and for all this I thank you more than I can
express. I should be very ungrateful, indeed,
were I to hate you. The word is strong.”
“Yet you prefer even that hump-backed
child to me or my society,” she said, peevishly.
“The comparison cannot be instituted
with any propriety,” I responded, gravely, turning
away and dismissing the boy to his blocks and books,
as I did so, which made for him, I knew, a fairy kingdom
of delight, through the aid of his splendid imagination.
A commonplace infant will tire of
the choicest toys; they are to such minds but effigies
and delusion, which last, the delight of imaginative
infancy, to the cut and dried, dull, childish understanding
is impossible.
I once overheard one little girl at
a theatre a splendid spectacle, calculated
to dazzle and delight imaginative childhood say
to another: “It is nothing but make-believe!
That house and garden are only painted. See how
they shake! And the women are dressed in paste
jewelry, like that our cook-maid wears to parties,
and no jeweler would give a cent for them; and the
fairies are poor girls, dressed up for the occasion;
and the whole play is made up as they go. You
see, I know all about it, father says.”
I heard no more, but had a glimpse
of a little, eager face suddenly dashed in its expression,
and of small fingers pressed to unwilling ears to
shut out unwelcome truths.
The discriminating child seemed a
little monster in my eyes, who ought to have been
sent out of the way at once of all companions capable
of abandon and enjoyment; and, as to the “father”
she quoted from, I could imagine him as the embodiment
of asinine wisdom, so to speak the quintessence
of the practical, which so often, I observe, inclines
its devotees to idiocy!
I knew very well that Wattie was not
of the stamp to doubt the truth and splendor of “Aladdin
and the Wonderful Lamp,” or “Cinderella,”
as surveyed from the stage-box, in his confiding infancy,
any more than to believing in baubles when the time
came to justly discriminate. Woe for the incredulous
child, too matter-of-fact to be enlisted in the creations
of fancy, and who tastes in infancy the chief bitterness
of age the incapability of surrendering
life to the ideal!
How fresh imagination keeps the heart how
young! What a glorious gift it is when rightly
used and governed! Hear Charlotte Bronte’s
testimony, as recorded by her biographer: “They
are all gone,” she says, “the sisters
I so loved, and I have only my imagination left to
comfort me. But for this solace I should despair
or perish.” The words are not exact the
book is not beside me, but such is their substance.
He who lists can seek them for himself in the pages
of that wondrous spell woven by Mrs. Gaskell that
tragic and strange biography which once in a season
of deep despondency did more to reconcile me to my
own condition, through my pity and admiration for
another, than all the condolences that came so freely
from lip and pen. Every fabric that love had
erected crumbled about her or turned to Dead-Sea ashes
on her lip. See what a world of passion those
French letters and themes of hers betray!
The brand of suffering and suffocating
sorrow is on every one of them, plain to the eye of
the initiated alone, they who have gazed on the wonders
of the inner temple the holy of holies and
gone forth reverently to dream of the revelation evermore
in silence.
But, above every ruin of hope, or
pride, or affection, like an imperial banner flung
from “the outer wall,” her imagination
waved and triumphed. “The clouds of glory”
she trailed after her were dyed in spheres unapproachable
by death, or shame, or disappointment, and the gift
described in the Arabian story as conferred by the
genii’s salve when he touched therewith the
eyes of the traveler and caused him to see all the
wonders of the earth, its gems, its gold, its gleaming
chrysolites, its inward fires, unobscured by the interposition
of dust and clay, which veiled them from all the rest
of humanity, may stand as a type of her ideality.