The Drawer would like to emphasize
the noble, self-sacrificing spirit of American women.
There are none like them in the world. They take
up all the burdens of artificial foreign usage, where
social caste prevails, and bear them with a heroism
worthy of a worse cause. They indeed represent
these usages to be a burden almost intolerable, and
yet they submit to them with a grace and endurance
all their own. Probably there is no harder-worked
person than a lady in the season, let us say in Washington,
where the etiquette of visiting is carried to a perfection
that it does not reach even in New York, Boston, or
Philadelphia, and where woman’s effort to keep
the social fabric together requires more expenditure
of intellect and of physical force than was needed
to protect the capital in its peril a quarter of a
century ago. When this cruel war is over, the
monument to the women who perished in it will need
to be higher than that to the Father of his Country.
Merely in the item of keeping an account of the visits
paid and due, a woman needs a bookkeeper. Only
to know the etiquette of how and when and to whom
and in what order the visits are to be paid is to
be well educated in a matter that assumes the first
importance in her life. This is, however, only
a detail of bookkeeping and of memory; to pay and
receive, or evade, these visits of ceremony is a work
which men can admire without the power to imitate;
even on the supposition that a woman has nothing else
to do, it calls for our humble gratitude and a recognition
of the largeness of nature that can put aside any
duties to husband or children in devotion to the public
welfare. The futile round of society life while
it lasts admits of no rival. It seems as important
as the affairs of the government. The Drawer is
far from saying that it is not. Perhaps no one
can tell what confusion would fall into all the political
relations if the social relations of the capital were
not kept oiled by the system of exchange of fictitious
courtesies among the women; and it may be true that
society at large men are so apt, when left
alone, to relapse would fall into barbarism
if our pasteboard conventions were neglected.
All honor to the self-sacrifice of woman!
What a beautiful civilization ours
is, supposed to be growing in intelligence and simplicity,
and yet voluntarily taking upon itself this artificial
burden in an already overtaxed life! The angels
in heaven must admire and wonder. The cynic wants
to know what is gained for any rational being when
a city-full of women undertake to make and receive
formal visits with persons whom for the most part they
do not wish to see. What is gained, he asks,
by leaving cards with all these people and receiving
their cards? When a woman makes her tedious rounds,
why is she always relieved to find people not in?
When she can count upon her ten fingers the people
she wants to see, why should she pretend to want to
see the others? Is any one deceived by it?
Does anybody regard it as anything but a sham and
a burden? Much the cynic knows about it!
Is it not necessary to keep up what is called society?
Is it not necessary to have an authentic list of pasteboard
acquaintances to invite to the receptions? And
what would become of us without Receptions? Everybody
likes to give them. Everybody flocks to them with
much alacrity. When society calls the roll, we
all know the penalty of being left out. Is there
any intellectual or physical pleasure equal to that
of jamming so many people into a house that they can
hardly move, and treating them to a Babel of noises
in which no one can make herself heard without screaming?
There is nothing like a reception in any uncivilized
country. It is so exhilarating! When a dozen
or a hundred people are gathered together in a room,
they all begin to raise their voices and to shout
like pool-sellers in the noble rivalry of “warious
langwidges,” rasping their throats into bronchitis
in the bidding of the conversational ring. If
they spoke low, or even in the ordinary tone, conversation
would be possible. But then it would not be a
reception, as we understand it. We cannot neglect
anywhere any of the pleasures of our social life.
We train for it in lower assemblies. Half a dozen
women in a “call” are obliged to shout,
just for practice, so that they can be heard by everybody
in the neighborhood except themselves. Do not
men do the same? If they do, it only shows that
men also are capable of the higher civilization.
But does society that is,
the intercourse of congenial people depend
upon the elaborate system of exchanging calls with
hundreds of people who are not congenial? Such
thoughts will sometimes come by a winter fireside
of rational-talking friends, or at a dinner-party not
too large for talk without a telephone, or in the
summer-time by the sea, or in the cottage in the hills,
when the fever of social life has got down to a normal
temperature. We fancy that sometimes people will
give way to a real enjoyment of life and that human
intercourse will throw off this artificial and wearisome
parade, and that if women look back with pride, as
they may, upon their personal achievements and labors,
they will also regard them with astonishment.
Women, we read every day, long for the rights and
privileges of men, and the education and serious purpose
in life of men. And yet, such is the sweet self-sacrifice
of their nature, they voluntarily take on burdens
which men have never assumed, and which they would
speedily cast off if they had. What should we
say of men if they consumed half their time in paying
formal calls upon each other merely for the sake of
paying calls, and were low-spirited if they did not
receive as many cards as they had dealt out to society?
Have they not the time? Have women more time?
and if they have, why should they spend it in this
Sisyphus task? Would the social machine go to
pieces the inquiry is made in good faith,
and solely for information if they made
rational business for themselves to be attended to,
or even if they gave the time now given to calls they
hate to reading and study, and to making their household
civilizing centres of intercourse and enjoyment, and
paid visits from some other motive than “clearing
off their list”? If all the artificial
round of calls and cards should tumble down, what valuable
thing would be lost out of anybody’s life?
The question is too vast for the Drawer,
but as an experiment in sociology it would like to
see the system in abeyance for one season. If
at the end of it there had not been just as much social
enjoyment as before, and there were not fewer women
than usual down with nervous prostration, it would
agree to start at its own expense a new experiment,
to wit, a kind of Social Clearing-House, in which all
cards should be delivered and exchanged, and all social
debts of this kind be balanced by experienced bookkeepers,
so that the reputation of everybody for propriety
and conventionality should be just as good as it is
now.