We had a happy time after that; our
Sunday was a very glad and peaceful one, with our
thanksgiving in the morning, and Dora’s pleasure
in the dear old children’s service in the afternoon.
Poor child, she liked everything that she had only
submitted to when she was with us, and Harold took
her away on the Monday in a more resigned frame of
mind, with a kind of promise that she would be good
if the Horsmans would let her.
Then came the removal, and I must
say there was some compensation for the pain of leaving
my old home in that sense of snugness and liberty
in our new plenishing, rather like the playing at doll’s
houses. We had stable room for Harold’s
horse and my pony the kangaroo, alas! had
pined and died the winter that Harold was away; the
garden was practicable, and the rooms were capable
of being made home-like and pleasant.
The Tracys were out of reach for the
present. Dermot was gone to Ireland, and Lady
Diana and her daughter were making a long round of
visits among friends, so that there was nothing for
it but waiting, and as it was hopeful waiting, enlivened
by Viola’s letters to me, Harold endured it
very happily, having indeed much to think about.
There was Prometesky’s health.
It was ascertained that he must undergo an operation,
and when we found that all the requisite skill could
be had near at hand, I overruled the scruples about
alarming or distressing me. I knew that it would
be better for him to be watched by George Yolland,
and for Harold to be at home, and I had come to love
the old man very heartily.
One day of expectation, in which he
was the most calm and resolute of us, one anxious
day when they sent me to Miss Woolmer, until Harold
came, thankful and hopeful to fetch me, a few more
of nursing accepted with touching gratitude, and he
was soon downstairs again, a hale old man, though
nearly seventy, but more than ever bent on his retreat
to La Trappe. It distressed us much. He
seemed so much to enjoy intelligent talk with Miss
Woolmer and the Yollands; he so delighted in books,
and took such fresh interest in all, whether mechanical
or moral, that was doing at the Hydriots of
which, by-the-by, as first inventor, the company had
contrived, at Harold’s suggestion, to make him
a shareholder to an extent that would cover all his
modest needs, I could not think how he would bear
the change.
“My dear young lady,”
he said to me, when I tried to persuade him out of
writing the first letter, “you forget how much
I have of sin upon me. Can years of negation
of faith, or the ruin of four young lives, and I know
not of how many more, be repented of at ease in your
pleasant town, amid the amiable cares you young people
are good enough to lavish on the old man?”
I made some foolish answer about his
having meant all for good and noble purposes, but
he shook his head.
“Error, my dear madam, error
excusable, perhaps, in one whose country has been
destroyed. I see, now that I have returned, after
years alone with my God, that the work I tried to
precipitate was one of patience. The fire from
heaven must first illuminate the soul, then the spirit,
and then the bonds will be loosed of themselves; otherwise
we do but pluck them asunder to set maniacs free to
rush into the gulf. And as to my influence on
my two pupils, your brothers, I see now that what
began in filial rebellion and disobedience could never
end well. I bless God that I have been permitted
to see, in the next generation, the true hero and
reformer I ought to have made of my Ambrose.
Ah! Ambrose, Ambrose! noble young spirit, would
that any tears and penance of mine would expiate the
shipwreck to which I led thee!” and he burst
into tears.
He had, of course, seen the Roman
Catholic priest several times before encountering
the danger of the operation, and was a thoroughly devout
penitent, but of his old Liberalism he retained the
intense benevolence that made the improvements at
the potteries a great delight to him, likewise the
historical breadth of understanding that prevented
his thinking us all un-Catholic and unsafe.
It was a great blessing that Harold
was not held back but rather aided and stimulated
by the example of the man to whom he most looked up;
but with his characteristic silence, it was long before
I found that, having felt, beside his mother’s
death-bed, how far his spiritual wants had outgrown
me, he had carried them to Ben Yolland, though the
old morning habit remained unbroken, and he always
came to the little room I had made like my old one.
Ben Yolland had become more entirely
chaplain to the Hydriots. Those two brothers
lived together in a curious way at what we all still
called the “Dragon’s Head,” each
with his own sitting-room and one in common, one fitted
as a clergyman’s study, the other more like a
surgery; for though George had given up his public
practice since he had been manager of the works, he
still attended all the workpeople and their families,
only making them pay for their medicines “when
it was good for them.”
Thus the care of the soul and bodies
of the Hydriots was divided between the two, and they
seemed to work in concert, although George showed
no symptom of change of opinions, never saying anything
openly to discredit his brother’s principles,
nay, viewing them as wholesome restraints for those
who were not too scientific to accept them, and even
going to church when he had nothing else to do, but
by preference looking up his patients on a Sunday.
He viewed everything, from religion to vice, as the
outcome of certain states of brain, nerves, and health;
and so far from being influenced by the example of
Prometesky, regarded him as a proof of his own theory,
and talked of the Slavonic temperament returning to
its normal forms as the vigour of life departed.
Nevertheless, he did not seem to do
harm to the workpeople. Drunkenness was at least
somewhat restrained, though far from conquered, and
the general spirit of the people was wonderful, compared
with those of other factories. Plans were under
discussion for a mission chapel, and the people themselves
were thoroughly anxious for it.
Lord Erymanth returning, kindly came
to call on me in my new house, and as I was out of
the drawing-room at the time, he had ten minutes’
conversation with the gentleman whom he found reading
at the window, and was so much pleased with him that
when making the tour of our small domain, he said,
“You did not introduce me, Lucy. Is that
an Australian acquaintance of Harold Alison’s?
I did not expect such high cultivation.”
“An Australian acquaintance,
yes,” said I, “and also a Polish count.”
“Prometesky!”
“Prometesky,” said I,
to whom the name had begun to sound historical.
“I did not know you did not recognise him.”
I was afraid my old friend would be
angry with me, but he stood still and said, “I
never saw him except at his trial. I can understand
now the fascination he was said to have possessed.
I could not conscientiously assist your nephew in
his recall, but I highly honour the generous perseverance
with which he has effected it; and I am happy to acknowledge
that the subject is worthy of his enthusiasm.
Animosity may be laid aside now, and you may tell
Mr. Harold Alison that I heartily congratulate him.”
“And he Count Stanislas
we call him sees now that he was mistaken,”
I said.
“Does he? That is the
best of the higher stamp of men, my dear. They
know when they are wrong, and own it. In fact,
that’s the greatest difference between men.
The feeble and self-opinionated never acknowledge
an error, but the truly sincere can confess and retrieve
their hallucinations and prejudices. Well, I
am glad to have seen Prometesky, and to be disabused
of some ideas respecting him.”
Count Stanislas, on the other hand,
received me with, “So that is Erymanth!
The tyrant, against whom we raged, proves a charitable,
benevolent, prosy old gentleman. How many illusions
a few decades dispel, and how much hatred one wastes!”
Lord Erymanth had told me that his
sister would soon be at home, and in September I was
surprised by a call from Dermot. “Yes,
I’m at Arked,” he said, “Killy Marey
is full of Dublin workmen. My uncle has undertaken
to make it habitable for me, like an old brick, and,
in the meantime, there’s not a room fit to smoke
or sleep in, so I’m come home like a dutiful
son.”
“Then your mother is come?”
“Oh yes; she is come for six
weeks, and then she and the St. Glears are to join
company and winter at Rome.”
“At Rome?”
“Prevention, you see,”
said Dermot, with a twinkle in his eye, as if he were
not very uneasy. “The question is whether
it is in time. She will have Piggy’s attentions
at Christmas. He is to come out for the vacation.”
Then he further told me that his mother
had brought home with her a Mrs. Sandford with a daughter,
heiress to L60,000, and to a newly-bought estate in
Surrey, and newly-built house “of the most desirable
description,” he added, shrugging his shoulders.
“And what sort of a young lady is she?”
“Oh, very desirable, too, I suppose.”
“But what is she like?”
“Like? Oh, like other
people,” and he whistled a little, seeming relieved
when “Count Stanislas” came in, and soon
after going to hunt up Harry at the Hydriot works.
It made me uncomfortable; it was so
evidently another attempt on his mother’s part
to secure a rich home for him in England, and his tone
did not at all reassure me that, with his easy temper,
he would not drift into the arrangement without his
heart in it. “Why should I be so vexed
about it? It might be very good for him,”
said I to myself.
No, his heart was not in it, for he
came back with Harold, and lingered over our fire
beyond all reasonable time, talking amusing random
stuff, till he had left himself only ten minutes to
ride home in to dinner.
The next day Harold and I rode over
to Arked together. Dermot was the first person
we saw, disporting himself with a pug-dog at the door.
“The fates have sped you well,” said he,
as he helped me down from my pony. “My
mother has taken Mrs. Sandford in state to call on
Mrs. Vernon, having arranged that Viola and I should
conduct the sixty-thousand pounder to admire the tints
in the beech woods. The young ladies are putting
on their hats. Will it be too far for you, Lucy,
to go with us?”
Wherewith he fraternally shouted for
“Vi,” who appeared all in a rosy glow,
and took me upstairs to equip me for walking, extracting
from me in the meantime the main features of the story
of the bloodhound, and trembling while she gave exulting
little nods.
Then she called for Nina (were they
so intimate already?) and found that young lady in
a point device walking dress, nursing the pug and
talking to Dermot, and so we set forth for the beech-woods,
very soon breaking our five into three and two.
Certainly Lady Diana ought to have viewed Dermot’s
attentions to the sixty-thousand pounder as exemplary,
for he engrossed her and me so entirely with the description
of Harold’s victory over a buck-jumper at Boola
Boola, that it was full a quarter of an hour before
she looked round to exclaim, “What is become
of Viola?” And then we would not let her wait,
and in truth we never came again upon Viola and Harold
till we overtook them at the foot of the last hill,
and they never could satisfy Miss Sandford where they
had been, nor what they had seen, nor how they had
missed us; and Dermot invented for the nonce a legend
about a fairy in the hill, who made people gyrate
round it in utter oblivion of all things; thus successfully
diverting the attention of Miss Sandford, who took
it all seriously. Yes, she certainly was a stupid
girl.
Every moment that lengthened the veritable
enchantment of that autumn afternoon was precious
beyond what we knew, and we kept Miss Sandford prowling
about the garden on all sorts of pretexts, till the
poor girl was tired out, as well she might be, for
we had kept her on her feet for three hours and a
half, and she made her escape at last to join Viola.
I always think of Harold and Viola,
as I saw them at that moment, on the top of the western
slope of the lawn, so that there was a great ruddy
gold sky behind them, against which their silhouettes
stood out in a sort of rich dark purple shade.
“Oh, they are looking at such
a sunset!” cried Miss Sandford, climbing up
the hill.
“Query!” murmured Dermot,
for the faces were in profile, not turning towards
the sun in the sky, but to the sunbeams in one another’s
eyes sunbeams that were still there when
we joined them, and, in my recollection, seem to blend
with the glorious haze of light that was pouring down
in a flood over the purple moorland horizon, and the
wood, field, and lake below. I was forced to
say something about going home, and Viola took me
up to her room, where we had one of those embraces
that can never be forgotten. The chief thing
that the dear girl said to me was, “Oh, Lucy.
How he has suffered! How shall I ever make it
up to him?”
Poor dear Viola, little did she think
that she was to cause the very sharpest of his sufferings.
Nay, as little did he, when we rode
home together with the still brilliant sky before
us. I never see a lane ending in golden light,
melting into blue, and dark pine trees framing as it
were the brightness, with every little branch defined
against it, without thinking of that silence of intense,
almost awe-struck joy in which Harold went home by
my side, only at long intervals uttering some brief
phrase, such as “This is blessedness,”
or “Thank God, who gives women such hearts.”
He had told her all, and it had but
added a reverent, enthusiastic pity and fervour to
that admiring love which had been growing up so long,
and to which he had set the spark.
His old friend was admitted to share
their joy, and was as happy as we were, perhaps doubly
so, since he had beheld with despair Harold’s
early infatuation and its results, which had made him
fear, during those three wretched years, that all
the lad’s great and noble gifts would be lost
in the coarse excesses of his wild life, with barbarous
prosperity without, and a miserable, hardening home.
That he should have been delivered from it, still
capable of refinement, still young and fresh enough
for a new beginning, had been a cause of great joy,
and now that all should be repaired by a true and worthy
love, had seemed beyond hope. We built our castles
over the fire that evening, Harold had already marked
out with his eye the tract of Neme Heath which he
would reclaim; and the little he had already set me
on doing among the women and children at the potteries,
had filled us with schemes as to what Viola was to
carry out.
Some misgivings there were even then.
Lady Diana was not to be expected to like Harold’s
L1,200 a year as well as Piggy’s heirship to
the Erymanth coronet, or any of the other chances that
might befall an attractive girl of twenty.
For coldness and difficulties we were
prepared, but not for the unqualified refusal with
which she met Harold the next morning, grounding all
on the vague term, “circumstances,” preventing
his even seeing Viola, and cutting short the interview
in the manner of a grande dame whose family had received
an insult.
Dermot, however, not only raging,
but raving, on his side, assured him of the staunchness
of his sister, and her resolve to hold by him through
everything; and further, in sundry arguments with his
mother, got to the bottom of the “circumstances.”
She had put away from herself the objection to the
convict birth and breeding, by being willing to accept
Eustace, to whom exactly the same objections applied;
and when she called Eustace a man of more education
and manners, her son laughed in her face at the comparison
of “that idiot” with a man like Harold.
Then came the “past life,”
a much more tangible objection, but Dermot was ready
there, declaring that whatever Harold had done, considering
his surroundings, was much less heinous than his own
transgressions, after such a bringing up as his, and
would his mother say that nobody ought to marry him?
Besides, to whom had she given Di? They
were not arguments that Lady Diana accepted, but she
weakened her own cause by trying to reinforce it with
all the Stympson farrago, the exaggeration of
which Dermot, after his own meeting with Henry Alison,
and with Prometesky to corroborate him, was fully
prepared to explode, to the satisfaction even of Lord
Eryinanth.
Harold himself was deeply sensible
of the stain and burthen of his actual guilt, more
so, indeed, than he had ever been before, both from
the religious influences to which he had submitted
himself, and from the sense of that sweet innocence
of his Viola’s; but his feeling had come to
be that if his Heavenly Father loved and forgave him,
so, in a lesser way, Viola forgave him because she
loved him. He did not wonder at nor complain
of Lady Diana’s not thinking him worthy of her
good and lovely child. He would be thankful
to submit to any probation, five, seven, ten years
without any engagement, if he might hope at last.
Even Lord Erymanth, when he saw how his darling’s
soul was set on it, thought that thus much might be
granted.
But Lady Diana had still another entrenchment
which she had concealed, as it were, to the last,
not wishing to shock and pain us all, she said.
Though she said she had reason to complain of not
having been told from the first that Harold had once
been insane, nothing could induce her to sanction
her daughter’s marriage with a man whose mind
had been disordered; nay, who had done mortal injury
in his frenzy. It was a monstrous idea!
Dermot’s reply to this was,
that nobody, then, ought to marry who had had a delirious
fever; and he brought Prometesky over to Arked to
testify to her how far the attack had been from anything
approaching to constitutional insanity. The
terrible fall, of which Harold’s head still
bore the mark, the shock, the burning sun, were a combination
of causes that only made it wonderful that he should
have recovered the ensuing brain fever, and the blow
to his rival had been fatal by the mere accident of
his strength. A more ordinary man would have
done no serious harm by such a stroke, given when
not accountable. Lady Diana answered stiffly
that this might be quite true, but that there had been
another cause for the temporary derangement which had
not been mentioned, and that it was notorious that
Mr. Alison, in consequence, had been forced to avoid
all liquors, and she appealed to Dermot as to the
effects of a very small quantity on his friend’s
brain.
Poor Dermot! it was bitter enough
for him to have that orgie at Foling brought
forward against his friend. Nor could any representation
appease Lady Diana.
I thought her very cruel and unreasonable
then, and I am afraid I believe that if Harold had
had ten, or even five thousand a year, these objections
would never have been heard of; but after years and
experience have cooled my mind, it seems to me that
on several grounds she was justified in her reluctance,
and that, as Viola was so young, and Harold’s
repentance had been comparatively recent, she might
fairly have insisted on waiting long enough to see
whether he were indeed to be depended upon, or if
Viola’s affection were strong enough to endure
such risk as there might be.
For Dermot, resolute to defend his
friend, and declaring that his sister’s heart
should not be broken, was the prime mover in Harold
going up to consult the most eminent men of the day
on mental disease, Prometesky going with him as having
been his only attendant during his illness, to give
an account of the symptoms, and Dermot, who so comported
himself in his excitement as to seem far more like
the lover whose hopes might have depended on the verdict
on his doubtful sanity, than did the grave, quiet,
self-contained man, who answered all questions so
steadily.
The sentence was so far satisfactory
that the doctor confirmed Prometesky’s original
view, that concussion of the brain, aggravated by
circumstances, had produced the attack, and that there
was no reasonable ground for apprehension of its recurrence,
certainly not of its being hereditary. But he
evidently did not like the confession of the strange
horror of dogs, which Harold thought it right to mention
as having been brought on by the circumstances of
his accident, and he would not venture to say that
any “exciting cause” might not more easily
affect the brain than if nothing had ever been amiss.
Yet when Dermot tarried, explaining that he was the
brother of a young lady deeply concerned, the doctor
assured him that whereas no living man could be insured
from insanity, he should consider the gentleman he
had just seen to be as secure as any one else, since
there was no fear of any hereditary taint, and his
having so entirely outgrown and cast off all traces
of the malady was a sign of his splendid health and
vigour of constitution.
But Lady Diana was still not satisfied.
She still absolutely refused all consent, and was
no more moved at the end of three weeks than before.
Dear Harold said he did not wonder, and that if he
had seen himself in this true light, he would have
loved Viola at a distance without disquieting her
peace, but since he had spoken and knew she loved
him, he could not but persevere for her sake.
We could see he said it with a steady countenance,
but a burning heart. Neither he nor I was allowed
to see Viola, but there was Dermot as constant reporter,
and, to my surprise, Viola was not the submissive daughter
I had expected. Lady Diana had never had any
real ascendancy over her children’s wills or
principles. Even Viola’s obedience had
been that of duty, not of the heart, and she had from
the first declared that mamma might forbid her to
marry Harold, or to correspond with him, and she should
consider herself bound to obey; but that she had given
him her promise, and that she could not and would
not take it back again. She would wait on for
ever, if otherwise it could not be, but he had her
troth plight, and she would be faithful to it.
She would not give up her crystal cross, and she sent
Harold her love every day by her brother, often in
her mother’s very hearing, saying she was too
proud of him to be ashamed. She had resolved
on her own line of passive obedience, but of never
renouncing her engagement, and her brother upheld
her in it; while her uncle let himself be coaxed out
of his displeasure, and committed himself to that
compromise plan of waiting which his sister viewed
as fatal, since Viola would only lose all her bloom,
and perhaps her health. Nothing, she said, was
so much to be deplored for a girl as a long engagement.
The accepting a reformed rake had been always against
her principles, and she did not need even the dreadful
possibility of derangement, or the frightful story
of his first marriage, to make her inexorable.
Viola, we were told, had made up her mind that it
was a case for perseverance, and all this time kept
up dauntlessly, not failing in spirits nor activity,
but telling her brother she had always known she should
have to go through something, but Harold’s love
was worth it, and she meant to be brave; how should
she not be when she knew Harold cared for her; and
as to what seemed to be objections in the eyes of
others, did they not make her long the more to compensate
him?
“She has to make all her love
to me, poor little woman, and very pretty love it
is,” said Dermot.
Whether Harold made as much love in
return to their ready medium I cannot tell, for their
conferences were almost always out of doors or at
the office, and Harold was more reserved than ever.
He was not carrying matters with the same high hand
as his little love, for, as he always said, he knew
he had brought it all on himself.
He never complained of Lady Diana,
but rather defended her to her son for not thinking
him fit for her daughter, only adhering to his original
standpoint, that where there was so much love, surely
some hope might be granted, since he would thankfully
submit to any probation.
We all expected that this would be
the upshot of our suspense, and that patience and
constancy would prevail; and by the help of immense
walks and rides, and a good deal of interest in some
new buildings at the potteries, and schemes for the
workmen, Harold kept himself very equable and fairly
cheerful, though his eyes were weary and anxious,
and when he was sitting still, musing, there was something
in his pose which reminded me more than ever of Michel
Angelo’s figures, above all, the grand one on
the Medicean monument. He consorted much more
now with Mr. Yolland, the curate, and was making arrangements
by which the school chapel might expand into a Mission
Church, but still I did not know that he was finding
the best aid through this time in the devotions and
heart-searchings to which the young clergyman had led
him, and which were the real cause of the calm and
dignified humility with which he waited.
At last Lady Diana, finding herself
powerless with her daughter, sent a letter to Harold,
beginning: “I appeal to your generosity.”
A very cruel letter in some ways it was, representing
that he had acquiesced in her judgment, that there
were certain unfortunate passages in his past life
which made it her painful duty to prevent her child
from following the dictates of an inexperienced heart.
Then she put it to him whether it were not a most
unfortunate position for a young girl to be involved
in an engagement which could never be fulfilled, and
which was contrary to the commands of her only remaining
parent, and she showed how family peace, confidence,
and maternal and filial affection must suffer if the
daughter should hold fast persistently to the promise
by which she held herself bound. In fact, it
was an urgent entreaty, for Viola’s own sake,
that he would release her from her promise.
Dermot was shooting at Erymanth, and neither he nor
I knew of this letter till Harold had acted.
He rode at once to Arked, saw Lady Diana, and declared
himself convinced that the engagement, having no chance
of sanction, ought to be given up. Rather than
keep Viola in the wearing state of resistance and
disobedience her mother described, he would resign
all hopes of her.
Lady Diana went to her daughter with
the tidings, that Mr. Alison saw the hopelessness
of his suit, and released her from her promise.
“You have made him do so, mamma,”
cried Viola. “If he releases me I do not
release myself.”
Finally, Lady Diana, astonished to
find Harold so reasonable and amenable, perceived
that the only means of dealing with her daughter was
to let them meet again. Of course no one fully
knows what passed then. Harold told me, the
only time he spoke of it, that “he had just
taken out his own heart and crushed it!” but
Viola dwelt on each phrase, and, long after, used
to go over all with me. He had fully made up
his mind that to let Viola hold to her troth would
neither be right nor good for her, and he used his
power of will and influence to make her resign it.
There was no concealment nor denial of their mutual
love. It was Viola’s comfort to remember
that. “But,” said Harold, “your
mother has only too good reasons for withholding you
from me, and there is nothing for it but to submit,
and give one another up.”
“But we do not leave off loving
one another,” said poor Viola.
“We cannot do what we cannot.”
“And when we are old ”
“That would be a mental reservation,”
said Harold. “There must be no mutual
understanding of coming together again. I promised
your mother. Because I am a guilty man, I am
not to break up your life.”
He made her at last resign her will
into his, she only feeling that his judgment could
not be other than decisive, and that she could not
resist him, even for his own sake. He took her
for a moment into his arms, and exchanged one long
burning kiss, then, while she was almost faint and
quite passive with emotion, he laid her on the sofa,
and called her mother. “Lady Diana,”
he said, “we give up all claim to one another’s
promise, in obedience to you. Do we not, Viola?”
“Yes,” she faintly said.
He gave her brow one more kiss, and was gone.
He took his horse home, and sent in
a pencil note to me: “All over; don’t
wait, for me. H. A.”
I was dreadfully afraid he would go
off to Australia, or do something desperate, but Count
Stanislas reassured me that this would be unlike Harold’s
present self, since his strength had come to be used,
not in passion, but in patience. We dined as
best we could without him, waited all the evening,
and sat up till eleven, when we heard him at the door.
I went out and took down the chain to let him in.
It was a wet misty night, and he was soaked through.
I begged him to come in and warm himself, and have
something hot, but he shook his head, as if he could
not speak, took his candle, and went upstairs.
I made the tea, for which I had kept
the kettle boiling all this time, and Prometesky took
his great cup in to him, presently returning to say,
“He is calm. He has done wisely, he has
exhausted himself so that he will sleep. He
says he will see me at once to my retreat in Normandy.
I think it will be best for him.”
Count Stanislas was, in fact, on the
eve of departure, and in a couple of days more Harold
went away with him, having only broached the matter
to me to make me understand that the break had been
his, not Viola’s; and that I must say no more
about it.
Dermot had come over and raged against
his mother, and even against Harold, declaring that
if the two had “stood out” they would have
prevailed, but that he did not wonder Harold was tired
of it.
Harold’s look made him repent
of that bit of passion, but he was contemptuous of
the “for her sake,” which was all Harold
uttered as further defence. “What! tell
him it was for her sake when she was creeping about
the house like a ghost, looking as if she had just
come out of a great illness?”
Dermot meant to escort his mother
and sister to Florence, chiefly in order to be a comfort
to the latter, but he meant to return to Ireland as
soon as they had joined the St. Glears. “Taking
you by the way,” he said, “before going
to my private La Trappe.”
Prometesky took leave of me, not quite
as if we were never to meet again, for his experimental
retreat was to be over at Christmas, and he would
then be able to receive letters. He promised
me that, if I then wrote to him that, Harold stood
in need of him for a time, he would return to us instead
of commencing the novitiate which would lead to his
becoming dead to the outer world.
Harold was gone only ten days, and
came back late on a Friday evening. He tried
to tell me about what he had done and seen, but broke
off and said, “Well, I am very stupid; I went
to all the places they told me to see at Rouen and
everywhere else, but I can’t recollect anything
about them.”
So I let him gaze into the fire in
peace, and all Saturday he was at the potteries or
at the office, very busy about all his plans and also
taking in hand the charge for George Yolland, for both
brothers were going on Monday to take a fortnight’s
holiday among their relations. He only came in
to dinner, and after it told me very kindly that he
must leave me alone again, for he wanted to see Ben
Yolland. A good person for him to wish to see,
“but was all this restlessness?” thought
this foolish Lucy.
When he came in, only just at bed-time,
there was something more of rest, and less of weary
sadness about his eyes than I had seen since the troubles
began, and as we wished one another good night he said,
“Lucy, God forgives while He punishes.
He is better to us than man. Yolland says I may
be with you at church early to-morrow.”
Then my cheeks flushed hot with joy,
and I said how thankful I was that all this had not
distracted his thoughts from the subject. “When
I wanted help more than ever?” he said.
So in some ways that was to me at
least a gladsome Sunday, though not half so much at
the time as it has become in remembrance, and I could
not guess how much of conscious peace or joy Harold
felt, as, for the first and only time, he and I knelt
together on the chancel step.
He said nothing, but he had quite
recovered his usual countenance and manner, only looking
more kind and majestic than ever, as I, his fond aunt,
thought, when we went among the children after the
school service, to give them the little dainties they
had missed in his absence; and he smiled when they
came round him with their odd little bits of chatter.
We sat over the fire in the evening,
and talked a little of surface things, but that died
away, and after a quarter of an hour or so, he looked
up at me and said, “And what next?”
“What are we to do, do you mean?”
I said, for I had been thinking how all his schemes
of life had given way. We spoke of it together.
“Old Eu did not want him,” as he said,
and though there was much for him to do at the Hydriot
works and the Mission Chapel, the Reading Room, the
Association for Savings, and all the rest which needed
his eye, yet for Viola’s peace he thought he
ought not to stay, and the same cause hindered the
schemes he had once shared with Dermot; he had cut
himself loose from Australia, and there seemed nothing
before him. “There were the City Missions,”
he said, wearily, for he did not love the City, and
yet he felt more than ever the force of his dying father’s
commission to carry out his longings for the true
good of the people.
I said we could make a London home
and see Dora sometimes, trying to make him understand
that he might reckon on me as his sister friend, but
the answer was, “I don’t count on that.”
“You don’t want to cast me off?”
“No, indeed, but there is another to be thought
of.”
Then he told me how, over my letters
to him in New South Wales, there had come out Dermot’s
account of the early liking that everyone nipped,
till my good-girlish submission wounded and affronted
him, and he forgot or disliked me for years; how old
feelings had revived, when we came in contact once
more; but how he was withheld from their manifestation,
by the miserable state of his affairs, as well as by
my own coldness and indifference.
I made some sound which made Harold say, “You
told me to keep him away.”
“I knew I ought,” I remember saying faintly.
“Oh h !”
a prolonged sound, that began a little triumphantly,
but ended in a sigh, and then he earnestly said, “You
do not think you ought to discourage him now?
Your mother did not forbid it for ever.”
“Oh no, no; it never came to that.”
“And you know what he is now?”
“I know he is changed,” was all I could
say.
“And you will help him forward
a little when he comes back. You and he will
be happy.”
There might be a great surging wave
of joy in my heart, but it would not let me say anything
but, “And leave you alone, Harold?”
“I must learn to be alone,”
he said. “I can stay here this winter,
and see to the things in hand, and then I suppose
something will turn up.”
“As a call?” I said.
“Yes,” he answered.
“I told God to-day that I had nothing to do
but His service, and I suppose He will find it for
me.”
There was something in the steadfast,
yet wistful look of his eyes, that made me take down
the legend of St. Christopher and read it aloud.
Reading generally sent him into a doze, but even that
would be a respite to the heartache he so patiently
bore, and I took the chance, but he sat with his chin
on his hand and his eyes fixed attentively on mine
all the time, then held out his hand for the book,
and pondered, as was his thorough way in such matters.
At last he said, “Well, I’ll wait by
the stream. Some day He will send me some one
to carry over.”
We little thought what stream was very near!