Hopalong and his companion rode into
Muddy Wells at noon, and Red Connors, who leaned with
Buck Peters against the side of Tom Lee’s saloon,
gasped his astonishment. Buck looked twice to
be sure, and then muttered incredulously: “What
th’ heck!” Red repeated the phrase and
retreated within the saloon, while Buck stood his ground,
having had much experience with women, inasmuch as
he had narrowly escaped marrying. He thought
that he might as well get all the information possible,
and waited for an introduction. It was in vain,
however, for the two rode past without noticing him.
Buck watched them turn the corner
and then called for Red to come out, but that person,
fearing an ordeal, made no reply and the foreman went
in after him. The timorous one was corraling bracers
at the bar and nearly swallowed down the wrong channel
when Buck placed a heavy hand on his broad shoulder.
“G’way!” remarked
Red. “I don’t want no introduction,
none whatever,” he asserted. “G’way!”
he repeated, backing off suspiciously.
“Better wait ’til yu are
asked,” suggested Buck. “Better wait
’til yu sees th’ rope afore yu duck.”
Then he laughed: “Yu bashful fellers make
me plumb disgusted. Why, I’ve seen yu face
a bunch of guns an never turn a hair, an’ here
yore all in because yu fear yu’ll have to stand
around an’ hide yore hands. She won’t
bite yu. Anyway, from what I saw, Hopalong is
due to be her grub he never saw me at all,
th’ chump.”
“He shore didn’t see me,
none,” replied Red with distinct relief.
“Are they gone?”
“Shore,” answered Buck.
“An’ if they wasn’t they wouldn’t
see us, not if we stood in front of them an’
yelled. She’s a hummer-stands two hands
under him an’ is a whole lot prettier than that
picture Cowan has got over his bar. There’s
nothing th’ matter with his eyesight, but he’s
plumb locoed, all th’ same. He’ll
go an’ get stuck on her an’ then she’ll
hit th’ trail for home an’ mamma, an’
he won’t be worth his feed for a year.”
Then he paused in consternation: “Thunder,
Red: he’s got to shoot to-morrow!”
“Well, suppose he has?”
Responded Red. “I don’t reckon she’ll
stampede his gun-play none.
“Yu don’t reckon, eh?”
Queried Buck with much irony. “No, an’
that’s what’s th’ matter with yu.
Why, do yu expect to see him to-morrow? Yu won’t
if I knows him an’ I reckon I do. Nope,
he’ll be follerin’ her all around.”
“He’s got sand to burn,”
remarked Red in awe. “Wonder how he got
to know her?”
“Yu can gamble she did th’
introducing part he ain’t got th’
nerve to do it himself. He saved her life, or
she thinks he did, or some romantic nonsense like
that. So yu better go around an’ get him
away, an’ keep him away, too.”
“Who, me?” Inquired Red
in indignation. “Me go around an’
tote him off? I ain’t no wagon: yu
go, or send Johnny.”
“Johnny would say something
real pert an’ get knocked into th’ middle
of next week for it. He won’t do, so I reckon
yu better go yoreself,” responded Buck, smiling
broadly and moving off.
“Hey, yu! Wait a minute!”
cried Red in consternation. Buck paused and Red
groped for an excuse: “Why don’t you
send Billy?” He blurted in desperation.
The foreman’s smile assumed
alarming proportions and he slapped his thigh in joy:
“Good boy!” he laughed. “Billy’s
th’ man good Lord, but won’t
he give Cupid cold feet! Rustle around an’
send th’ pessimistic soul to me.”
Red, grinning and happy, rapidly visited
door after door, shouted, “Hey, Billy!”
and proceeded to the next one. He was getting
pugnacious at his lack of success when he espied Mr.
Billy Williams tacking along the accidental street
as if he owned it. Mr. Williams was executing
fancy steps and was trying to sing many songs at once.
Red stopped and grabbed his bibulous
friend as that person veered to starboard: “Yore
a peach of a life-preserver, yu are!” he exclaimed.
Billy balanced himself, swayed back
and forth and frowned his displeasure at this unwarranted
action: “I ain’t no wife-deserter!”
he shouted. “Unrope me an’ give me
th’ trail! No tenderfoot can ride me!”
Then he recognized his friend and grinned joyously:
“Shore I will, but only one. Jus’
one more, jus’ one more. Yu see, m’friend,
it was all Jimmy’s fault. He
Red secured a chancery hold and dragged
his wailing and remonstrating friend to Buck, who
frowned with displeasure.
“This yere,” said Red
in belligerent disgust, “is th’ dod-blasted
hero what’s a-goin’ to save Hopalong from
a mournful future. What are we a-goin’
to do?”
Buck slipped the Colt’s from
Billy’s holster and yanked the erring one to
his feet: “Fill him full of sweet oil, source
him in th’ trough, walk him around for awhile
an’ see what it does,” he ordered.
Two hours later Billy walked up to
his foreman and weakly asked what was wanted.
He looked as though he had just been released from
a six-months’ stay in a hospital.
“Yu go over to th’ hotel
an’ find Hopalong,” said the foreman sternly.
“Stay with him all th’ time, for there
is a plot on foot to wing him on th’ sly.
If yu ain’t mighty spry he’ll be dead by
night.”
Having delivered the above instructions
and prévarications, Buck throttled the laugh
which threatened to injure him and scowled at Red,
who again fled into the saloon for fear of spoiling
it all with revealed mirth.
The convalescent stared in open-mouthed astonishment:
“What’s he doin’ in th’ hotel,
an’ who’s goin’ to plug him?”
He asked.
“Yu leave that to me,”
replied Buck, “All yu has to do is to get on
th’ job with yore gun,” handing the weapon
to him, “an’ freeze to him like a flea
on a cow. Mebby there’ll be a woman in th’
game, but that ain’t none of yore funeral yu
do what I said.”
“Blast th’ women!”
exploded Billy, moving off. When he had entered
the hotel Buck went in to Red.
“For Pete’s sake!”
moaned that person in senseless reiteration. “Th’
Lord help Billy! Holy Mackinaw!” he shouted.
“Gimme a drink an’ let me tell th’
boys.”
The members of the outfit were told
of the plot and they gave their uproarious sanction,
all needing bracers to sustain them.
Billy found the clerk swapping lies
with the bartender and, procuring the desired information,
climbed the stairs and hunted for room N.
Discovering it, he dispensed with formality, pushed
open the door and entered.
He found his friend engaged in conversation
with a pretty young woman, and on a couch at the far
side of the room lay an elderly white-whiskered gentleman
who was reading a magazine. Billy felt like a
criminal for a few seconds and then there came to him
the thought that his was a mission of great import
and he braced himself to face any ordeal. “Anyway,”
he thought, “th’ prettier they are th’
more dust they can raise.”
“What are yu doing here?” Cried Hopalong
in amazement.
“That’s all right,” averred the
protector, confidentially.
“What’s all right?”
“Why, everything,” replied Billy, feeling
uncomfortable.
The elderly man hastily sat up and
dropped his magazine when he saw the armed intruder,
his eyes as wide open as his mouth. He felt for
his spectacles, but did not need them, for he could
see nothing but the Colt’s which Billy jabbed
at him.
“None of that!” snapped
Billy. “’ands up!” he ordered, and
the hands went up so quick that when they stopped
the jerk shook the room. Peering over the gentleman’s
leg, Billy saw the spectacles and backed to the wall
as he apologized: “It’s shore on me,
Stranger I reckoned yu was contemplatin’
some gun-play.”
Hopalong, blazing with wrath, arose
and shoved Billy toward the hail, when Mr. Johnny
Nelson, oozing fight and importance, intruded his person
into the zone of action.
“Lord!” ejaculated the
newcomer, staring at the vision of female loveliness
which so suddenly greeted him. “Mamma,”
he added under his breath. Then he tore off his
sombrero: “Come out of this, Billy, yu
chump!” he exploded, backing toward the door,
being followed by the protector.
Hopalong slammed the door and turned
to his hostess, apologizing for the disturbance.
“Who are they?” Palpitated Miss Deane.
“What the deuce are they doing
up here!” blazed her father. Hopalong disclaimed
any knowledge of them and just then Billy opened the
door and looked in.
“There he is again!” cried
Miss Deane, and her father gasped. Hopalong ran
out into the hall and narrowly missed kicking Billy
into Kingdom Come as that person slid down the stairs,
surprised and indignant.
Mr. Billy Williams, who sat at the
top of the stairs, was feeling hungry and thirsty
when he saw his friend, Mr. Pete Wilson, the slow witted,
approaching.
“Hey, Pete,” he called,
“come up here an’ watch this door while
I rustles some grub. Keep yore eyes open,”
he cautioned.
As Pete began to feel restless the
door opened and a dignified gentleman with white whiskers
came out into the hall and then retreated with great
haste and no dignity. Pete got the drop on the
door and waited. Hopalong yanked it open and
kissed the muzzle of the weapon before he could stop,
and Pete grinned.
“Coming to th’ fight?”
He loudly asked. “It’s going to be
a shore ’nough sumptious scrap just
th’ kind yu allus like. Come on, th’
boys are waitin’ for yu.”
“Keep quiet!” hissed Hopalong.
“What for?” Asked Pete
in surprise. “Didn’t yu say yu shore
wanted to see that scrap?”
“Shut yore face an’ get
scarce, or yu’ll go home in cans!”
As Hopalong seated himself once more
Red strolled up to the door and knocked. Hopalong
ripped it open and Red, looking as fierce and worried
as he could, asked Hopalong if he was all right.
Upon being assured by smoking adjectives that he was,
the caller looked relieved and turned thoughtfully
away.
“Hey, yu! Come here!” called Hopalong.
Red waved his hand and said that he
had to meet a man and clattered down the stairs.
Hopalong thought that he, also, had to meet a man and,
excusing himself, hastened after his friend and overtook
him in the Street, where he forced a confession.
Returning to his hostess he told her of the whole
outrage, and she was angry at first, but seeing the
humorous side of it, she became convulsed with laughter.
Her father re-read his paragraph for the thirteenth
time and then, slamming the magazine on the floor,
asked how many times he was expected to read ten lines
before he knew what was in them, and went down to the
bar.
Miss Deane regarded her companion
with laughing eyes and then became suddenly sober
as he came toward her.
“Go to your foreman and tell
him that you will shoot to-morrow, for I will see
that you do, and I will bring luck to the Bar-20.
Be sure to call for me at one o’clock:
I will be ready.”
He hesitated, bowed, and slowly departed,
making his way to Tom Lee’s, where his entrance
hushed the hilarity which had reigned. Striding
to where Buck stood, he placed his hands on his hips
and searched the foreman’s eyes.
Buck smiled: “Yu ain’t mad, are yu?”
He asked.
Hopalong relaxed: “No, but blame near it.”
Red and the others grabbed him from
the rear, and when he had been “buffaloed”
into good humor he threw them from him, laughed and
waved his hand toward the bar:
“Come up, yu sons-of-guns.
Yore a cussed nuisance sometimes, but yore a bully
gang all th’ same.”