In this Castle Barfield version of
Romeo and Juliet the parody would have been impossible
without the aid and intervention of some sort of Friar
Laurence. He was a notability of those parts in
those days, and he was known as the Dudley Devil.
In these enlightened times he would have been dealt
with as a rogue and vagabond, and, not to bear too
hardly upon an historical personage, whom there is
nobody (even with all our wealth of historical charity-mongers)
to whitewash, he deserved richly in his own day the
treatment he would have experienced in ours. He
discovered stolen property-when his confederates
aided him; he put the eye on people obnoxious to his
clients, for a consideration; he overlooked milch
cows, and they yielded blood; he went about in the
guise of a great gray tom-cat. It was historically
true in my childhood-though, like other
things, it may have ceased to be historically true
since then-that it was in this disguise
of the great gray tom-cat that he met his death.
He was fired at by a farmer, the wounded cat crawled
into the wizard’s cottage, and the demon restored
to human form was found dying later on with a gun-shot
charge in his ribs. There were people alive a
dozen-nay, half a dozen-years
ago, who knew these things, to whom it was
blasphemous to dispute them.
The demon’s earthly name was
Rufus Smith, and he lived ’by Dudley Wood side,
where the wind blows cold,’ as the local ballad
puts it His mother had dealt in the black art before
him, and was ducked to death in the Severn by the
bridge in the ancient town of Bewdley. He was
a lean man, with a look of surly fear. It is
likely enough that he half expected some of his invocations
to come true one fine day or other, with consequences
painful to himselt The old notions are dying out fast,
but it used to be said in that region that when a
man talked to himself he was talking with the universal
enemy. Rufus and his mother were great chatterers
in solitude, and what possible companion could they
have but one?
It is not to be supposed that all
the ministrations for which the people of the country-side
relied upon Rufus were mischievous. If he had
done nothing but overlook cattle and curse crops,
and so forth, he would have been hunted out.
Some passably good people have been said, upon occasions,
to hold a candle to the devil. With a similar
diversion from general principle, Rufus was known
occasionally to perform acts of harmless utility.
He charmed away warts and corns, he prepared love
philtres, and sold lucky stones. He foreran
the societies which insure against accident, and would
guarantee whole bones for a year or a lifetime, according
to the insurer’s purse or fancy. He told
fortunes by the palm and by the cards, and was the
sole proprietor and vendor of a noted heal-all salve
of magic properties.
He and his mother had gathered together
between them a respectable handful of ghastly trifles,
which were of substantial service alike to him and
to his clients. A gentleman coming to have his
corns or warts charmed away would be naturally assisted
towards faith by the aspect of the polecat’s
skeleton, the skulls of two or three local criminals,
and the shrivelled, mummified dead things which hung
about the walls or depended head downwards from the
ceiling. These decorations apart, the wizard’s
home was a little commonplace. It stood by itself
in a bare hollow, an unpicturesque and barn-like cottage,
not altogether weather-proof.
It fell upon a day that Mrs. Jenny
Rusker drove over from Castle Barfield to pay Rufus
a visit. She rode in a smart little trap, the
kind of thing employed by the better sort of rustic
tradesmen, and drove a smart little pony. She
was a motherly, foolish, good creature, who, next
to the reading of plays and romances, loved to have
children about her and to make them happy. On
this particular day she had Master Richard with her.
She kept up her acquaintance with both her old lovers,
and was on terms of rather coolish friendship with
them. But she adored their children, and would
every now and again make a descent on the house of
one or other of her old admirers and ravish away a
child for a day or two.
Mrs. Jenny had consoled herself elsewhere
for the loss of lovers for whom she had never cared
a halfpenny, but she had never ceased to hold a sort
of liking for both her old suitors. Their claims
had formerly been pretty evenly balanced in her mind,
and even now, when the affair was ancient enough in
all conscience to have been naturally and quietly
buried long ago, she never met either of her quondam
lovers without some touch of old-world coquetry in
her manner. The faintest and most far-away touch
of anything she could call romance was precious to
the old woman, and having a rare good heart of her
own under all her superannuated follies, she adored
the children. Dick was her especial favourite,
as was only natural, for he was pretty enough and regal
enough with his childish airs of petit grand seigneur
to make him beloved of most women who met him.
Women admire the frank masterfulness of a generous
and half-spoiled boy, and Mrs. Jenny saw in the child
the prophecy of all she had thought well of in his
father, refined by the grace of childhood and by a
better breeding than the father had ever had.
So she and Dick were great allies,
and there was always cake and elderberry wine and
an occasional half-crown for him at Laburnum Cottage.
It was only natural that, so fostered, Dick’s
affection for the old lady should be considerable.
She was his counsellor and confidante from his earliest
years, and the little parlour, with its antiquated
furniture and works of art-in wool, its haunting odour
of pot-pourri emanating from the big china jar upon
the mantelshelf, and its moist warm atmosphere dimly
filtered through the drooping green and gold of the
laburnum tree, whose leaves tapped incessantly against
the lozenged panes of its barred windows, was almost
as familiar in his memory in after years as the sitting-room
at home at the farm.
Dick conferred upon its kindly and
garrulous old tenant the brevet rank of ‘Aunt’
Jenny, and loved her, telling her, in open-hearted
childish fashion, his thoughts, experiences, and secrets.
Naturally, the story of the fight with the paynim
oppressors of beauty came out in his talk soon after
its occurrence, and lost nothing in the telling.
Mrs. Jenny would have found a romance in circumstances
much less easily usable to that end than those of
the scion of one house rescuing the daughter of a
rival and inimical line, and here was material enough
for foolish fancy. She cast a prophetic eye into
the future, and saw Dick and Julia, man and maid,
reuniting their severed houses in the bonds of love,
or doubly embittering their mutual hatred and perishing-young
and lovely victims to clannish hatred and parental
rigour-like Romeo and Juliet.
The boy’s account of the fight
was given as he sat by her side in her little pony-trap
in the cheerfully frosty morning. Dick chatted
gaily as the shaggy-backed pony trotted along the
resounding road with a clatter of hoofs and a jingle
of harness, and an occasional sneeze at the frosty
air. They passed the field of battle on the road,
and Dick pointed it out. Then, as was natural,
he turned to the family feud, and retailed all he
had heard from Ichabod, supplemented by information
from other quarters and such additions of fancy as
imaginative children and savages are sure to weave
about the fabric of any story which comes in their
way to make tradition generally the trustworthy thing
it is.
Mrs. Busker was strong on the family
quarrel. A family quarrel was a great thing in
her estimation, almost as good as a family ghost, and
she gave Dick the whole history of the incident of
the brook and of many others which had grown out of
it, among them one concerning the death of a certain
Reddy which had tragically come to pass a year or two
before his birth. The said Reddy had been found
one November evening stark and cold at the corner
of the parson’s spinney, with an empty gun grasped
in his stiffened hand, and a whole charge of small
shot in his breast. Crowner’s quest had
resulted in a verdict of death by misadventure, and
the generally received explanation was that the young
fellow’s own gun had worked the mischief by
careless handling in passing through stiff undergrowth.
But a certain ne’er-do-well Mountain, a noted
striker and tosspot of the district, had mysteriously
disappeared about that date, and had never since come
within scope of Castle Barfield knowledge. Ugly
rumours had got afloat, vague and formless, and soon
to die out of general memory. Dick listened open-mouthed
to all this, and when the narrative was concluded,
held his peace for at least two minutes.
‘She isn’t wicked,
is she, Aunt Jenny?’ he suddenly demanded.
’She? Who? ’asked
Mrs. Eusker in return. ‘The little girl,
Julia.’
‘Wicked? Sakes alive, whativer
is the boy talking about? Wicked? O’
course not. She’s a dear good little thing
as iver lived.’
’Ichabod said that all the Mountains
were wicked. But I know Joe isn’t-at
least, not very. He promised me a monkey and a
parrot-a green parrot, when he came back
from running away. But he didn’t run away,
because father found him and took him home. His
father gave him an awful thrashing. He often
thrashes him, Joe says. Father never thrashes
me. What does his father thrash him for?’
’Mr. Mountain’s a harder man than your
father, my dear. An’ I fear as Joe’s
a bit wild, like his father when he was a boy, and
obstinit. Theer niver was a obstinater man i’
this earth than Samson Mountain, I do believe, an’
Joe’s got a bit on it in him.’
‘She’s pretty,’
said Dick, returning with sudden childish inconsequence
to the subject uppermost in his thoughts. ’Joe
isn’t Why is it that the girls are always prettier
than the boys?’
‘I used to think it was the
other way about when I was a gell,’ said Aunt
Jenny, with perfect simplicity. ’But she
is pretty, that’s true. But then her mother
was a likely lass, an’ Samson warn’t bad
lookin’, if he hadn’t ha’ been so
fierce an’ cussid. An’ to think as
it should be you, of all the lads i’ Barfield,
as should save a Mountain. An’ a gell too..
I suppose as you’ll be a settin’ up to
fall in love wi’ her now, like Romeo and Juliet?’
’What was that? ’asked the boy.
’It’s a play, my dear,
wrote by a clever man as has been dead iver so many
‘ears, William Shaakespeare.’
‘Shakespeare?’ said Dick.
’I know. It’s a big book on one of
the shelves at home, full of poetry. But what’s
Romeo and Juliet?’
’Romeo and Juliet was two lovers,
as lived a long time ago in a place called Verona.
I don’t know where it is,’ she added quickly,
to stave off the imminent question already on the
boy’s lips. ’Somewhere abroad, wheer
Bonyparty is. Juliet’s name was Capulet,
an’ Romeo’s was Montague, an’ the
Capilets and the Montagues hated each other so as they
could niver meet wi’out havin’ a bit of
a turn-up one with another. They was as bad as
the Reddys an’ the Mountains, only i’ them
daysen folks allays wore swords an’ daggers,
so’s when they fowt they mostly killed each
other. Well, one night old Capilet gi’en
a party, an’ asked all his friends, an’
everybody wore masks, so’s they didn’t
know half the time who they was a-talkin’ tew,
as was the fashion i’ them times, an’ Romeo,
he goes, just for divilment, an’ he puts on a
mask tew, so as they didn’t know him, else they’d
ha’ killed him, sure an’ certain.
An’ theer he sees Juliet, an’ she was
beautiful, an’ he falls plump in love wi’
her, an’ she falls in love wi’ him, an’
they meets o’ nights, i’ the moonlight,
on the window-ledge outside her room, but they had
to meet i’ secret, ‘cause the two fam’lies
was like cat an’ dog, an’ there’d
ha’ been awful doin’s if they’d
been found out. Well, old Capilet-that
was Juliet’s feyther-he finds a husband
for Juliet, a nice chap enough, a count, like Lord
Barfield, on’y younger an’ likelier.
An’ Juliet, she gets welly mad, because she
wants to marry Romeo. And then, to mek matters
wuss, Romeo meets one o’ Juliet’s relations,
a young man named Tybalt, as hates him like pisón,
an’ they fowt, an’ Romeo killed him.
Well, the Capilets was powerful wi’ the king
as ruled in Verona, like Joseph used to be with Pharaoh
in the Holy Land, my dear, an’ Romeo, he has
to run away an’ hide himself, else p’raps
they’d ha’ hung him for killin’
Tybalt, though it was Tybalt as begun the fight, so
poor Juliet’s left all alone. An’
her marriage day’s a-gettin’ near, and
old Capilet, he’s stuck on her marryin’
the count, an’ the day’s been named, and
everything provided for the weddin’. Well,
Romeo takes a thought, an’ goes to a friar,
a kind o’ priest, as was a very book-learned
man, and asks if he can help him. And at first
he says no, he can’t, an’ Romeo gets that
crazed, he’s goin’ to kill himself, but
by an’ by he thinks of a plan. He gives
Juliet a bottle o’ physic stuff to send her
to sleep, and make her look as if she was dead.
Then her relations ’ll be sure to bury her i’
the family vault, an’ he’ll write to Romeo
to come back to Verona i’ the night-time an’
take her out o’ the vault, an’ goo away
quiet wi’ her till things have blown over, an’
they can come back again. An’ Juliet takes
the physic, an’ everybody thinks her dead, her
father, an’ her mother, an’ her old nuss,
an’ Paris-that’s the name of
the gentleman as they wanted her to marry-an’
there’s such a hullabaloo an’ racket as
niver was. An’ they buried her i’
the vault, wi’ all her relations, an’
the old friar thinks as it’s all a-comin’
straight. But the letter as he’d writ to
Romeo niver reaches him, an’ Romeo hears as
how Juliet’s really dead, and he buys a bottle
o’ pisón, an’ comes to Juliet’s
grave i’ the night-time, an’ there he meets
Paris, as has come to put flowers there an’
pray for Juliet’s soul, knowin’ no better
and lovin’ her very dear. An’ him
an’ Romeo fights, and Romeo kills him, an’
opens the vault, an’ go’s in, an’
theer’s Juliet, lyin’ stiff an’
stark, because the physic ain’t had time to work
itself off yit. An’ he kisses her, an’
cries over her, and then he teks the pisón,
and dies. An’ just as he’s done it,
Juliet wakes up, and finds him dead, and she takes
his knife, an’ kills herself, poor thing, an’
that’s the hend on ’em.’
The old sentimentalist’s eyes
were moist, and her voice choked, as she concluded
her legend. It was the first love-story Dick had
ever heard, and in pity at the beautiful narrative,
which no clumsiness of narration could altogether
rob of its pathos, he was crying too. There is
no audience like an impressionable child, and the
immortal story of love and misfortune seemed very
pitiful to his small and tender heart.
’Why, theer! theer! Dick!
It’s only a story, my dear, wrote in a book,’
said Mrs Jenny. ‘It most likely ain’t
true, an’ if it is, it all happened sich
a time ago as it’s no good a-frettin’ about
it. Why, wheeriver did you get all them warts?
’She took one of the hands with which Dick was
rubbing his eyes. ’You should have ’em
looked tew, they quite spile your hands. I must
get Rufus Smith to have a look at ’em.
You know who we’m agoin’ to see, don’t
you? You’ve heard tell o’ the Dudley
Devil, Dick?’
‘Yes,’ said Dick.
‘Ichabod goes to him for his rheumatism.’
’It’s on’y a step
away. That’s his cottage, over there.
We’ll get him to charm the warts away.’
A hundred yards farther on Mrs. Jenny
checked the pony, and, dismounting from the vehicle,
bade Dick tie him to an elder-shoot and follow her.
They went through a gap in a ruinous hedge, and traversed
a furzy field, at the farther side of which stood
the wizard’s hut, a wretched place of a single
story, with a shuttered window and a thatched roof
full of holes and overgrown with weeds. As they
approached the door a mighty clatter was audible within,
and Mrs. Jenny held the boy’s hand in a tightened
grasp, fearful of devilry. As they stood irresolute
to advance or retreat, a big cat dashed out at the
doorway with a feline imprecation, and the wizard
appeared, revengefully waving a stick, and swearing
furiously.
‘Cuss the brute,’ he said,
‘the divil’s in her, sure an’ sartin’.’
It seemed not unlikely to the onlookers,
the cat being the wizard’s property, and therefore,
by all rule and prescription, his prompter and familiar.
She was not of the received colour, however, her fur
being of a rusty red. But as she raised her back,
and spat at her master’s visitors from under
her chubbed tail, she looked demoniac enough for anything.
And from the fashion in which, her anathema once launched,
she sat down and betook herself to the rearrangement
of her ruffled coat, it might have been conjectured
that it was not purely personal to them, but that
they were attacked merely as types of the human race,
whose society she and her master had forsworn.
‘Cuss her!’ reiterated
the wizard. ’Where’s her got tew?
My soul, what’s this?’
He peered with a short-sighted terror-stricken
scowl on Mrs. Jenny and her charge, as if for a moment
the fancy had crossed him that his refractory familiar
had taken their shapes. His gray lips muttered
something, and his fingers worked oddly as he took
a step or two forward, clearly outlined in the cold
winter sunshine against the black void beyond his
open door.
‘Why, Rufus, what’s the
matter?’ asked Mrs. Jenny. ’Don’t
look like that at a body.’
‘It’s you, mum?’
said the necromancer. A look of relief came into
his wizened face. ‘I didn’t know
but what it might be-’ His
voice trailed off into an indistinct murmur, and he
smeared his hand heavily across his face, and looked
at it, mistrustfully, as if he rather expected to
find something else in its place. ‘Cuss
her!’ he said again, looking round for the cat.
‘What’s she done?’ demanded Mrs.
Jenny.
‘Done? Ate up all my brekfus,
that’s what she’s done,’ rejoined
the wizard. The familiar grinned with a relish
of the situation so fiendishly human that Dick clung
closer to Mrs. Rusker’s hand, and devoutly wished
himself back in the trap. To his childish sense
the incongruity of one gifted with demoniac powers
being helpless to prevent the depredations of his
own domestic animal did not appeal. As for Mrs.
Jenny, she had piously believed in witchcraft all her
life, and was quite as insensible to the absurdity
as he.
‘I want you to look at this
young gentleman’s hands,’ said Mrs. Busker.
’He’s got warts that bad. I suppose
you can charm ’em away for him?’
Appealed to on a point of his art,
the wizard’s air changed altogether. He
assumed an aspect of wooden majesty.
‘Why, yis,’ he said.
’I think I’m equal to that Step inside,
mum, and bring the young gentleman with you.’
‘The forms and ceremonies,’
said the necromancer, with an increase of woodenness
in his manner, ‘cannot be applied out o’
doors. Arter you, mum.’
He ushered them into the one room
of his hut, and the cat, with her tail floating above
her like a banner, entered too, evading a kick, and
sprang upon a rotten deal shelf, which apparently acted
as both dresser and table.
Rufus closed the ruinous door, thereby
intensifying the gloom which reigned within the place.
The floor was of simple earth, unboarded, and the
air smelt of it Here and there a fine spear of ghostly
sunlight pierced a crack in roof or wall. By
the time their eyes had become accustomed to the gloom
they saw that Rufus, on his knees on the floor, was
scratching a circle about himself with a scrap of a
broken pot, and the indistinct rhythmic murmur of
the spell he muttered reached their ears.
The cat, perched upon the dresser,
purred as if her internal machinery were running down
to final collapse, and her contracting and dilating
eyes borrowed infernal fires from the chance ray of
sunshine in which she sat. The brute’s
rusty red head, so lit, fascinated Dick, and the mingled
rhythms of her purring and the wizard’s mounted
and mounted, until to his bewildered mind the whole
world seemed filled with their murmur, and the demoniac
head seemed to dilate as he gazed at it. Suddenly,
Rufus paused in his sing-song, and the cat’s
purr ceased with it, as though her share of the charm
was done.
‘Come into the ring,’
said Rufus. His voice was shaky, and if there
had been light enough to see it, his face was gray
with terror of his own hocus-pocus. The cat’s
head had dropped out of the line of sunlight, and
she had coiled herself up on the dresser among a disorderly
litter of crockery ware. Dick, relieved from
the fascination of her too-visible presence, obeyed
the summons, and Rufus, seating himself upon a broken
stool, took his hand in moist and quivering fingers,
and touching the warts one by one, recommenced his
mumble. It had proceeded for a minute or so,
when a crash, which, following as it did on the dead
stillness, an earthquake could scarce have equalled,
elicited a scream from Mrs. Jenny and brought the
wizard to his knees with a yell of terror.
‘My blessid!’ he cried,
with clacking jaws, ’I’ve done it at last!
Get thee behind me, Satan!’
In terror-stricken earnest he believed
that the Great Personage he had passed all his life
in trying to raise had answered to his call at last.
So, though it was unquestionably a relief to him to
find that the appalling clatter had merely been caused
by his familiar’s pursuit of a mouse among
the crockery, a shade of disappointment may have followed
the discovery.
‘Cuss her!’ he said, for
the third time that morning, and with additional unction.
’Her’ll be the death of me some day, I
know her will!’