As it befell, that day at Balcarras
was the last of the bright days, in every sense, for
the time being. Wet weather set in, as even the
most partial witness must allow does occasionally
happen in Scotland, and the domestic barometer seemed
to go down accordingly. The girls grumbled at
being kept in-doors, and would willingly have gone
out golfing under umbrellas, but Auntie was remorseless.
They were delicate girls at best, so that her watch
over them was never-ceasing, and her patience inexhaustible.
David Dalziel also was in a very trouble-some
mood, quite unusual for him. He came and went,
complained bitterly that the girls were not allowed
to go out with him; abused the place, the climate,
and did all those sort of bearish things which young
gentlemen are sometimes in the habit of doing, when-when
that wicked little boy whom they read about at school
and college makes himself known to them as a pleasant,
or unpleasant, reality.
Miss Williams, whom, I am afraid,
was far too simple a woman for the new generation,
which has become so extraordinarily wise and wide-awake,
opened her eyes and wondered why David was so unlike
his usual self. Mr. Roy, too, to whom he behaved
worse than to any one else, only the elder man quietly
ignored it all, and was very patient and gentle with
the restless, ill-tempered boy-Mr. Roy
even remarked that he thought David would be happier
at his work again; idling was a bad thing for young
fellows at his age, or any age.
At last it came out, the bitterness
which rankled in the poor lad’s breast; with
another secret, which, foolish woman that she was,
Miss Williams had never in the smallest degree suspected.
Very odd that she had not, but so it was. We
all find it difficult to realize the moment when our
children cease to be children. Still more difficult
is it for very serious and earnest natures to recognize
that there are other natures who take things in a
totally different way, and yet it may be the right
and natural way for them. Such is the fact; we
must learn it, and the sooner we learn it, the better.
One day, when the rain had a little
abated, David appeared, greatly disappointed to find
the girls had gone out, down to the West Sands with
Mr. Roy.
“Always Mr. Roy! I am
sick of his very name,” muttered David, and then
caught Miss Williams by the dress as she was rising.
She had a gentle but rather dignified way with her
of repressing bad manners in young people, either
by perfect silence, or by putting the door between
her and them. “Don’t go! One
never can get a quiet word with you, you are always
so preternaturally busy.”
It was true. To be always busy
was her only shield against-certain things
which the young man was never likely to know, and would
not understand if he did know.
“Do sit down, if you ever can
sit down, for a minute,” said he, imploringly;
“I want to speak to you seriously, very seriously.”
She sat down, a little uneasy.
The young fellow was such a good fellow; and yet
he might have got into a scrape of some sort.
Debt, perhaps, for he was a trifle extravagant; but
then life had been all roses to him. He had
never known a want since he was born.
“Speak, then, David; I am listening.
Nothing very wrong, I hope!” said she, with
a smile.
“Nothing at all wrong, only-When
is Mr. Roy going away”?
The question was so unexpected that
she felt her color changing a little; not much, she
was too old for that.
“Mr. Roy leaving St. Andrews,
you mean? How can I tell? He has never
told me. Why do you ask?”
“Because until he gone, I stay,”
said the young man, doggedly. “I’m
not going back to Oxford leaving him master of the
field. I have stood him as long as I possibly
can, and I’ll not stand him any longer.”
“David! you forget yourself.”
“There-now you are
offended; I know you are, when you draw yourself up
in that way, my dear little auntie. But just
hear me. You are such an innocent woman, you
don’t know the world as men do. Can’t
you see-no, of course you can’t-that
very soon all St. Andrews will be talking about you?”
“About me?”
“Not about you exactly, but
about the family. A single man-a marrying
man, as all the world says he is, or ought to be, with
his money-can not go in and out, like a
tame cat, in a household of women, without having,
or being supposed to have-ahem!-intentions.
I assure you”-and he swung himself
on the arm of her chair, and looked into her face with
an angry earnestness quite unmistakable-“I
assure you, I never go into the club without being
asked, twenty times a day, which of the Miss Moseleys
Mr. Roy is going to marry.”
“Which of the Miss Moseleys Mr. Roy is going
to marry!”
She repeated the words, as if to gain
time and to be certain she heard them rightly.
No fear of her blushing now; every pulse in her heart
stood dead still; and then she nerved herself to meet
the necessity of the occasion.
“David, you surely do not consider
what you are saying. This is a most extraordinary
idea.”
“It is a most extraordinary
idea; in fact, I call it ridiculous, monstrous:
an old battered fellow like him, who has knocked about
the world, Heaven knows where, all these years, to
come home, and, because he has got a lot of money,
think to go and marry one of these nice, pretty girls.
They wouldn’t have him, I believe that; but
nobody else believes it; and every body seems to think
it the most natural thing possible. What do you
say?”
“I?”
“Surely you don’t think
it right, or even possible? But, Auntie, it
might turn out a rather awkward affair, and you ought
to take my advice, and stop it in time.”
“How?”
“Why, by stepping him out of
the house. You and he are great friends:
if he had any notion of marrying, I suppose he would
mention it to you-he ought. It would
be a cowardly trick to come and steal one of your
chickens from under your wing. Wouldn’t
it? Do say something, instead of merely echoing
what I say. It really is a serious matter, though
you don’t think so.”
“Yes, I do think so,”
said Miss Williams, at last; “and I would stop
it if I thought I had any right. But Mr. Roy
is quite able to manage his own affairs; and he is
not so very old-not more than five-and-twenty
years older than-Helen.”
“Bother Helen! I beg her
pardon, she is a dear good girl. But do you
think any man would look at Helen when there was Janetta?”
It was out now, out with a burning
blush over all the lad’s honest face, and the
sudden crick-crack of a pretty Indian paper-cutter
he unfortunately was twiddling in his fingers.
Miss Williams must have been blind indeed not to
have guessed the state of the case.
“What! Janetta? Oh, David!”
was all she said.
He nodded. “Yes, that’s
it, just it. I thought you must have found it
out long ago: though I kept myself to myself pretty
close, still you might have guessed.”
“I never did. I had not
the remotest idea. Oh, how remiss I have been!
It is all my fault.”
“Excuse me, I can not see that
it is any body’s fault, or any body’s
misfortune, either,” said the young fellow, with
a not unbecoming pride. “I hope I should
not be a bad husband to any girl, when it comes to
that. But it has not come; I have never said
a single word to her. I wanted to be quite clear
of Oxford, and in a way to win my own position first.
And really we are so very jolly together as it is.
What are you smiling for?”
She could not help it. There
was something so funny in the whole affair. They
seemed such babies, playing at love; and their love-making,
if such it was, had been carried on in such an exceedingly
open and lively way, not a bit of tragedy about it,
rather genteel comedy, bordering on farce. It
was such a contrast to-certain other love
stories that she had known, quite buried out of sight
now.
Gentle “Auntie”-the
grave maiden lady, the old hen with all these young
ducklings who would take to the water so soon-held
out her hand to the impetuous David.
“I don’t know what to
say to you, my boy: you really are little more
than a boy, and to be taking upon yourself the responsibilities
of life so soon! Still, I am glad you have said
nothing to her about it yet. She is a mere child,
only eighteen.”
“Quite old enough to marry,
and to marry Mr. Roy even, the St. Andrews folks think.
But I won’t stand it. I won’t tamely
sit by and see her sacrificed. He might persuade
her; he has a very winning way with him sometimes.
Auntie, I have not spoken, but I won’t promise
not to speak. It is all very well for you; you
are old, and your blood runs cold, as you said to
us one day-no, I don’t mean that;
you are a real brick still, and you’ll never
be old to us, but you are not in love, and you can’t
understand what it is to be a young fellow like me
to see an old fellow like Roy coming in and just walking
over the course. But he sha’nt do it!
Long ago, when I was quite a lad, I made up my mind
to get her; and get her I will, spite of Mr. Roy or
any body.”
Fortune was touched. That strong
will which she too had had, able, like faith, to “remove
mountains,” sympathized involuntarily with the
lad. It was just what she would have said and
done, had she been a man and loved a woman.
She gave David’s hand a warm clasp, which he
returned.
“Forgive me,” said he,
affectionately. “I did not mean to bother
you; but as things stand, the matter is better out
than in. I hate underhandedness. I may
have made an awful fool of myself, but at least I
have not made a fool of her. I have been as careful
as possible not to compromise her in any way; for
I know how people do talk, and a man has no right
to let the girl he loves be talked about. The
more he loves her, the more he ought to take care
of her. Don’t you think so?”
“Yes.”
“I’d cut myself up into
little pieces for Janetta’s sake,” he went
on, “and I’d do a deal for Helen too,
the sisters are so fond of one another. She shall
always have a home with us, when we are married.”
“Then,” said Miss Williams,
hardly able again to resist a smile, “you are
quite certain you will be married? You have no
doubt about her caring for you?”
David pulled his whiskers, not very
voluminous yet, looked conscious, and yet humble.
“Well, I don’t exactly
say that. I know I’m not half good enough
for her. Still, I thought, when I had taken my
degree and fairly settled myself at the bar, I’d
try. I have a tolerably good income of my own
too, though of course I am not as well off as that
confounded Roy. There he is at this minute meandering
up and down the West Sands with those two girls, setting
every body’s tongue going! I can’t
stand it. I declare to you I won’t stand
it another day.”
“Stop a moment,” and she
caught hold of David as he started up. “What
are you going to do?”
“I don’t know and I don’t
care, only I won’t have my girl talked about-my
pretty, merry, innocent girl. He ought to know
better, a shrewd old fellow like him. It is
silly, selfish, mean.”
This was more than Miss Williams could
bear. She stood up, pale to the lips, but speaking
strongly, almost fiercely:
“You ought to know better, David
Dalziel. You ought to know that Mr. Roy had
not an atom of selfishness or meanness in him-that
he would be the last man in the world to compromise
any girl. If he chooses to marry Janetta, or
any one else, he has a perfect right to do it, and
I for one will not try to hinder him.”
“Then you will not stand by me any more?”
“Not if you are blind and unfair.
You may die of love, though I don’t think you
will; people don’t do it nowadays” (there
was a slightly bitter jar in the voice): “but
love ought to make you all the more honorable, clear-sighted,
and just. And as to Mr. Roy-”
She might have talked to the winds,
for David was not listening. He had heard the
click of the garden gate, and turned round with blazing
eyes.
“There he is again! I
can’t stand it, Miss Williams. I give you
fair warning I can’t stand it. He has
walked home with them, and is waiting about at the
laurel bush, mooning after them. Oh, hang him!”
Before she had time to speak the young
man was gone. But she had no fear of any very
tragic consequences when she saw the whole party standing
together-David talking to Janetta, Mr. Roy
to Helen, who looked so fresh, so young, so pretty,
almost as pretty as Janetta. Nor did Mr. Roy,
pleased and animated, look so very old.
That strange clear-sightedness, that
absolute justice, of which Fortune had just spoken,
were qualities she herself possessed to a remarkable,
almost a painful, degree. She could not deceive
herself, even if she tried. The more cruel the
sight, the clearer she saw it; even as now she perceived
a certain naturalness in the fact that a middle-aged
man so often chooses a young girl in preference to
those of his own generation, for she brings him that
which he has not; she reminds him of what he used
to have; she is to him like the freshness of spring,
the warmth of summer, in his cheerless autumn days.
Sometimes these marriages are not unhappy-far
from it; and Robert Roy might ere long make such a
marriage. Despite poor David’s jealous
contempt, he was neither old nor ugly, and then he
was rich.
The thing, either as regarded Helen,
or some other girl of Helen’s standing, appeared
more than possible-probable; and if so,
what then?
Fortune looked out once, and saw that
the little group at the laurel bush were still talking;
then she slipped up stairs into her own room and bolted
the door.
The first thing that she did was to
go straight up and look at her own face in the glass-her
poor old face, which had never been beautiful, which
she had never wished beautiful, except that it might
be pleasant in one man’s eyes. Sweet it
was still, but the sweetness lay in its expression,
pure and placid, and innocent as a young girl’s.
But she saw not that; she saw only its lost youth,
its faded bloom. She covered it over with both
her hands, as if she would fain bury it out of sight;
knelt down by her bedside, and prayed.
“Mr. Roy is waiting below ma’am-has
been waiting some time; but he says if you are busy
he will not disturb you; he will come to-morrow instead.”
“Tell him I shall be very glad to see him to-morrow.”
She spoke through the locked door,
too feeble to rise and open it; and then lying down
on her bed and turning her face to the wall, from sheer
exhaustion fell fast asleep.
People dream strangely sometimes.
The dream she dreamt was so inexpressibly soothing
and peaceful, so entirely out of keeping with the
reality of things, that it almost seemed to have been
what in ancient times would be called a vision.
First, she thought that she and Robert
Roy were little children-mere girl and
boy together, as they might have been from the few
years’ difference in their ages-running
hand in hand about the sands of St. Andrews, and so
fond of one another-so very fond!
With that innocent love a big boy often has for a
little girl, and a little girl returns with the tenderest
fidelity. So she did; and she was so happy-they
were both so happy. In the second part of the
dream she was happy still, but somehow she knew she
was dead-had been dead and in paradise for
a long time, and was waiting for him to come there.
He was coming now; she felt him coming, and held
out her hands, but he took and clasped her in his
arms; and she heard a voice saying those mysterious
words: “In heaven they neither marry nor
are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God.”
It was very strange, all was very
strange, but it comforted her. She rose up,
and in the twilight of the soft spring evening she
washed her face and combed her hair, and went down,
like King David after his child was dead, to “eat
bread.”
Her young people were not there.
They had gone out again; she heard, with Mr. Dalziel,
not Mr. Roy, who had sat reading in the parlor alone
for upward of an hour. They were supposed to
be golfing, but they staid out till long after it
was possible to see balls or holes; and Miss Williams
was beginning to be a little uneasy, when they all
three walked in, David and Janetta with a rather sheepish
air, and Helen beaming all over with mysterious delight.
How the young man had managed it-to
propose to two sisters at once, at any rate to make
love to one sister while the other was by-remained
among the wonderful feats which David Dalziel, who
had not too small an opinion of himself, was always
ready for, and generally succeeded in; and if he did
wear his heart somewhat “on his sleeve,”
why, it was a very honest heart, and they must have
been ill-natured “daws” indeed who took
pleasure in “pecking at it.”
“Wish me joy, Auntie!”
he cried, coming forward, beaming all over, the instant
the girls had disappeared to take their hats off.
“I’ve been and gone and done it, and
it’s all right. I didn’t intend it
just yet, but he drove me to it, for which I’m
rather obliged to him. He can’t get her
now. Janetta’s mine!”
There was a boyish triumph in his
air; in fact, his whole conduct was exceedingly juvenile,
but so simple, frank, and sincere as to be quite irresistible.
I fear Miss Williams was a very weak-minded
woman, or would be so considered by a great part of
the world-the exceedingly wise and prudent
and worldly-minded “world.” Here
were two young people, one twenty-two, the other eighteen,
with-it could hardly be said “not
a half-penny,” but still a very small quantity
of half-pennies, between them-and they
had not only fallen in love, but engaged themselves
to married! She ought to have been horrified,
to have severely reproached them for their imprudence,
used all her influence and, if needs be, her authority,
to stop the whole thing; advising David not to bind
himself to any girl till he was much older, and his
prospects secured; and reasoning with Janetta on the
extreme folly of a long engagement, and how very much
better it would be for her to pause, and make some
“good” marriage with a man of wealth and
position, who could keep her comfortably.
All this, no doubt, was what a prudent
and far-seeing mother or friend ought to have said
and done. Miss Williams did no such thing, and
said not a single word. She only kissed her
“children”-Helen too, whose
innocent delight was the prettiest thing to behold-then
sat down and made tea for them all, as if nothing
had happened.
But such events do not happen without
making a slight stir in a family, especially such
a quiet family as that at the cottage. Besides,
the lovers were too childishly happy to be at all
reticent over their felicity. Before David was
turned away that night to the hotel which he and Mr.
Roy both inhabited, every body in the house knew quite
well that Mr. Dalziel and Miss Janetta were to be
married.
And every body had of course suspected
it long ago, and was not in the least surprised, so
that the mistress of the household herself was half
ashamed to confess how very much surprised she
had been. However, as every body seemed delighted,
for most people have a “sneaking kindness”
toward young lovers, she kept her own counsel; smiled
blandly over her old cook’s half-pathetic congratulations
to the young couple, who were “like the young
bears, with all their troubles before them,”
and laughed at the sympathetic forebodings of the
girls’ faithful maid, a rather elderly person,
who was supposed to have been once “disappointed,”
and who “hoped Mr. Dalziel was not too young
to know his own mind.” Still, in spite
of all, the family were very much delighted, and not
a little proud.
David walked in, master of the position
now, directly after breakfast, and took the sisters
out for a walk, both of them, declaring he was as
much encumbered as if he were going to marry two young
ladies at once, but bearing his lot with great equanimity.
His love-making indeed was so extraordinarily open
and undisguised that it did not much matter who was
by. And Helen was of that sweet negative nature
that seemed made for the express purpose of playing
“gooseberry.”
Directly they had departed, Mr. Roy came in.
He might have been a far less acute
observer than he was not to detect at once that “something
had happened” in the little family. Miss
Williams kept him waiting several minutes, and when
she did come in her manner was nervous and agitated.
They spoke about the weather and one or two trivial
things, but more than once Fortune felt him looking
at her with that keen, kindly observation which had
been sometimes, during all these weeks now running
into months, of almost daily meeting, and of the closest
intimacy-a very difficult thing to bear.
He was exceedingly kind to her always;
there was no question of that. Without making
any show of it, he seemed always to know where she
was and what she was doing. Nothing ever lessened
his silent care of her. If ever she wanted help,
there he was to give it. And in all their excursions
she had a quiet conviction that whoever forgot her
or her comfort, he never would. But then it
was his way. Some men have eyes and ears for
only one woman, and that merely while they happen to
be in love with her; whereas Robert Roy was courteous
and considerate to every woman, even as he was kind
to every weak or helpless creature that crossed his
path.
Evidently he perceived that all was
not right; and, though he said nothing, there was
a tenderness in his manner which went to her heart.
“You are not looking well to-day;
should you not go out?” he said. “I
met all your young people walking off to the sands:
they seemed extraordinarily happy.”
Fortune was much perplexed.
She did not like not to tell him the news-him,
who had so completely established himself as a friend
of the family. And yet to tell him was not exactly
her place; besides, he might not care to hear.
Old maid as she was, or thought herself, Miss Williams
knew enough of men not to fall into the feminine error
of fancying they feel as we do-that their
world is our world, and their interest our interest.
To most men, a leader in the Times, an article
in the Quarterly, or a fall in the money market
is of far more importance than any love affair in
the world, unless it happens to be their own.
Why should I tell him? she thought,
convinced that he noticed the anxiety in her eyes,
the weariness at her heart. She had passed an
almost sleepless night, pondering over the affairs
of these young people, who never thought of any thing
beyond their own new-born happiness. And she
had perplexed herself with wondering whether in consenting
to this engagement she was really doing her duty by
her girls, who had no one but her, and whom she was
so tender of, for their dead father’s sake.
But what good was it to say any thing? She
must bear her own burden. And yet-
Robert Roy looked at her with his
kind, half-amused smile.
“You had better tell me all
about it; for, indeed, I know already.”
“What! did you guess it?”
“Perhaps. But Dalziel
came to my room last night and poured out everything.
He is a candid youth. Well, and am I to congratulate?”
Greatly relieved, Fortune looked up.
“That’s right,”
he said; “I like to see you smile. A minute
or two ago you seemed as if you had the cares of all
the world on your shoulders. No, that is not
exactly the truth. Always meet the truth face
to face, and don’t be frightened by it.”
Ah, no. If she had had that
strong heart to lean on, that tender hand to help
her through the world, she never would have been “frightened”
at any thing.
“I know I am very foolish,”
she said; “but there are many things which these
children of mine don’t see, and I can’t
help seeing.”
“Certainly; they are young,
and we are-well, never mind. Sit down
here, and let you and me talk the matter quietly over.
On the whole, are you glad or sorry?”
“Both, I think. David
is able to take care of himself; but poor little Janetta-my
Janetta-what if he should bring her to poverty?
He is a little reckless about money, and has only
a very small certain income. Worse; suppose being
so young, he should by-and-by get tired of her, and
neglect her, and break her heart?”
“Or twenty other things which
may happen, or may not, and of which they must take
the chance, like their neighbors. You do not
believe very much in men, I see, and perhaps you are
right. We are a bad lot-a bad lot.
But David Dalziel is as good as most of us, that I
can assure you.”
She could hardly tell whether he was
in jest or earnest; but this was certain, he meant
to cheer and comfort her, and she took the comfort,
and was thankful.
“Now to the point,” continued
Mr. Roy. “You feel that, in a worldly
point of view, these two have done a very foolish thing,
and you have aided and abetted them in doing it?”
“Not so,” she cried, laughing;
“I had no idea of such a thing till David told
me yesterday morning of his intentions.”
“Yes, and he explained to me
why he told you, and why he dared not wait any longer.
He blurts out every thing, the foolish boy!
But he has made friends with me now. They do
seem such children, do they not, compared with old
folks like you and me?”
What was it in the tone or the words
which made her feel not in the least vexed, nor once
attempt to rebut the charge of being “old?”
“I’ll tell you what it
is,” said Robert Roy, with one of his sage smiles,
“you must not go and vex yourself needlessly
about trifles. We should not judge other people
by ourselves. Every body is so different.
Dalziel may make his way all the better for having
that pretty creature for a wife, not but what some
other pretty creature might soon have done just as
well. Very few men have tenacity of nature enough,
if they can not get the one woman they love, to do
without any other to the end of their days.
But don’t be disappointed yourself about your
girl. David will make her a very good husband.
They will be happy enough, even though not very rich.”
“Does that matter much?”
“I used to think so. I
had so sore a lesson of poverty in my youth, that
it gave me an almost morbid terror of it, not for myself,
but for any woman I cared for. Once I would
not have done as Dalziel has for the world. Now
I have changed my mind. At any rate, David will
not have one misfortune to contend with. He
has a thoroughly good opinion of himself, poor fellow!
He will not suffer from that horrible self-distrust
which makes some men let themselves drift on and on
with the tide, instead of taking the rudder into their
own hands and steering straight on-direct
for the haven where they would be. Oh, that I
had done it.”
He spoke passionately, and then sat
silent. At last, muttering something about “begging
her pardon,” and “taking a liberty,”
he changed the conversation into another channel,
by asking whether this marriage, when it happened-which,
of course could not be just immediately-would
make any difference to her circumstances.
Some difference, she explained, because
the girls would receive their little fortunes whenever
they came of age or married, and the sisters would
not like to be parted; besides, Helen’s money
would help the establishment. Probably, whenever
David married, he would take them both away; indeed,
he had said as much.
“And then shall you stay on here?”
“I may, for I have a small income
of my own; besides, there are your two little boys,
and I might find two or three more. But I do
not trouble myself much about the future. One
thing is certain, I need never work as hard as I have
done all my life.”
“Have you worked so very hard, then, my poor-”
He left the sentence unfinished; his
hand, half extended, was drawn back, for the three
young people were seen coming down the garden, followed
by the two boys, returning from their classes.
It was nearly dinner-time, and people must dine,
even though in love; and boys must be kept to their
school work, and all the daily duties of life must
be done. Well, perhaps, for many of us, that
such should be! I think it was as well for poor
Fortune Williams.
The girls had come in wet through,
with one of those sudden “haars” which
are not uncommon at St. Andrews in spring, and it seemed
likely to last all day. Mr. Roy looked out of
the window at it with a slightly dolorous air.
“I suppose I am rather de
trop here, but really I wish you would not turn
me out. In weather like this our hotel coffee-room
is just a trifle dull, isn’t it, Dalziel?
And, Miss Williams, your parlor looks so comfortable.
Will you let me stay?”
He made the request with a simplicity
quite pathetic. One of the most lovable things
about this man-is it not in all men?-was,
that with all his shrewdness and cleverness, and his
having been knocked up and down the world for so many
years, he still kept a directness and simpleness of
character almost child-like.
To refuse would have been unkind,
impossible; so Miss Williams told him he should certainly
stay if he could make himself comfortable. And
to that end she soon succeeded in turning off her
two turtle-doves into a room by themselves, for the
use of which they had already bargained, in order
to “read together, and improve their minds.”
Meanwhile she and Helen tried to help the two little
boys to spend a dull holiday indoors-if
they were ever dull beside Uncle Robert, who had not
lost his old influence with boys, and to those boys
was already a father in all but the name.
Often Fortune watched them, sitting
upon his chair, hanging about him as he walked, coming
to him for sympathy in every thing. Yes, every
body loved him, for there was such an amount of love
in him toward every mortal creature, except-
She looked at him and his boys, then
turned away. What was to be had been, and always
would be. That which we fight against in our
youth as being human will, human error, in our age
we take humbly, knowing it to be the will of God.
By-and-by in the little household
the gas was lighted, the curtains drawn, and the two
lovers fetched in for tea, to behave themselves as
much as they could like ordinary mortals, in general
society, for the rest of the evening. A very
pleasant evening it was, spite of this new element;
which was got rid of as much as possible by means of
the window recess, where Janetta and David encamped
composedly, a little aloof from the rest.
“I hope they don’t mind
me,” said Mr. Roy, casting an amused glance in
their direction, and then adroitly maneuvering with
the back of his chair so as to interfere as little
as possible with the young couple’s felicity.
“Oh no, they don’t mind
you at all,” answered Helen, always affectionate,
if not always wise. “Besides, I dare say
you yourself were young once, Mr. Roy.”
Evidently Helen had no idea of the
plans for her future which were being talked about
in St. Andrews. Had he? No one could even
speculate with such an exceedingly reserved person.
He retired behind his newspaper, and said not a single
word.
Nevertheless, there was no cloud in
the atmosphere. Every body was used to Mr. Roy’s
silence in company. And he never troubled any
body, not even the children, with either a gloomy
look or a harsh word. He was so comfortable
to live with, so unfailingly sweet and kind.
Although there was a strange atmosphere
of peace in the cottage that evening, though nobody
seemed to do any thing or say very much. Now
and then Mr. Roy read aloud bits out of his endless
newspapers-he had a truly masculine mania
for newspapers, and used to draw one after another
out of his pockets, as endless as a conjurer’s
pocket-handkerchiefs. And he liked to share
their contents with any body that would listen; though
I am afraid nobody did listen much to-night except
Miss Williams, who sat beside him at her sewing, in
order to get the benefit of the same lamp. And
between his readings he often turned and looked at
her, her bent head, her smooth soft hair, her busy
hands.
Especially after one sentence, out
of the “Varieties” of some Fife newspaper.
He had begun to read it, then stopped suddenly, but
finished it. It consisted only of a few words:
"’Young love is passionate, old love is faithful;
but the very tenderest thing in all this world is a
love revived.’ That is true.”
He said only those three words, in
a very low, quiet voice, but Fortune heard.
His look she did not see, but she felt it-even
as a person long kept in darkness might feel a sunbeam
strike along the wall, making it seem possible that
there might be somewhere in the earth such a thing
as day.
About nine P.M. the lovers in the
window recess discovered that the haar was all gone,
and that it was a most beautiful moonlight night; full
moon, the very night they had planned to go in a body
to the top of St. Regulus tower.
“I suppose they must,”
said Mr. Roy to Miss Williams; adding, “Let the
young folks make the most of their youth; it never
will come again.”
“No.”
“And you and I must go too.
It will be more comme il faut, as people say.”
So, with a half-regretful look at
the cozy fire, Mr. Roy marshaled the lively party,
Janetta and David, Helen and the two boys; engaging
to get them the key of that silent garden of graves
over which St. Regulus tower keeps stately watch.
How beautiful it looked, with the clear sky shining
through its open arch, and the brilliant moonlight,
bright as day almost, but softer, flooding every alley
of that peaceful spot! It quieted even the noisy
party who were bent on climbing the tower, to catch
a view, such as is rarely equaled, of the picturesque
old city and its beautiful bay.
“A ‘comfortable place
to sleep in,’ as some one once said to me in
a Melbourne church-yard. But ’east or
west, home is best.-I think, Bob, I shall
leave it in my will that you are to bury me at St.
Andrews.’”
“Nonsense, Uncle Robert!
You are not to talk of dying. And you are to
come with us up to the top of the tower. Miss
Williams, will you come too?”
“No, I think she had better
not,” said Uncle Robert, decisively. “She
will stay here, and I will keep her company.”
So the young people all vanished up
the tower, and the two elders walked silently side
by side the quiet graves-by the hearts which
had ceased beating, the hands which, however close
they lay, would never clasp one another any more.
“Yes, St. Andrews is a pleasant
place,” said Robert Roy at last. “I
spoke in jest, but I meant in earnest; I have no wish
to leave it again. And you,” he added,
seeing that she answered nothing-“what
plans have you? Shall you stay on at the cottage
till these young people are married?”
“Most likely. We are all fond of the little
house.”
“No wonder. They say a
wandering life after a certain number of years unsettles
a man forever; he rests nowhere, but goes on wandering
to the end. But I feel just the contrary.
I think I shall stay permanently at St. Andrews.
You will let me come about your cottage, ‘like
a tame cat,’ as that foolish fellow owned he
had called me-will you not?”
“Certainly.”
But at the same time she felt there
was a strain beyond which she could not bear.
To be so near, yet so far; so much to him, and yet
so little. She was conscious of a wild desire
to run away somewhere-run away and escape
it all; of a longing to be dead and buried, deep in
the sea, up away among the stars.
“Will those young people be very long, do you
think?”
At the sound of her voice he turned
to look at her, and saw that she was deadly pale,
and shivering from head to foot.
“This will never do. You
must ‘come under my plaidie,’ as the children
say, and I will take you home at once. Boys!”
he called out to the figures now appearing like jackdaws
at the top of the tower, “we are going straight
home. Follow us as soon as you like. Yes,
it must be so,” he answered to the slight resistance
she made. “They must all take care of
themselves. I mean to take care of you.”
Which he did, wrapping her well in
the half of his plaid, drawing her hand under his
arm and holding it there-holding it close
and warm at his heart all the way along the Scores
and across the Links, scarcely speaking a single word
until they reached the garden gate. Even there
he held it still.
“I see your girls coming, so
I shall leave you. You are warm now, are you
not?”
“Quite warm.”
“Good-night, then. Stay.
Tell me”-he spoke rapidly, and with
much agitation-“tell me just one
thing, and I will never trouble you again. Why
did you not answer a letter I wrote to you seventeen
years ago?”
“I never got any letter.
I never had one word from you after the Sunday you
bade me good-by, promising to write.”
“And I did write,” cried
he, passionately. “I posted it with my
own hands. You should have got it on the Tuesday
morning.”
She leaned against the laurel bush,
that fatal laurel bush, and in a few breathless words
told him what David had said about the hidden letter.
“It must have been my letter.
Why did you not tell me this before?”
“How could I? I never
knew you had written. You never said a word.
In all these years you have never said a single word.”
Bitterly, bitterly he turned away.
The groan that escaped him-a man’s
groan over his lost life-lost, not wholly
through fate alone-was such as she, the
woman whose portion had been sorrow, passive sorrow
only, never forgot in all her days.
“Don’t mind it,”
she whispered-“don’t mind it.
It is so long past now.”
He made no immediate answer, then said,
“Have you no idea what was in the letter?”
“No.”
“It was to ask you a question,
which I had determined not to ask just then, but I
changed my mind. The answer, I told you, I should
wait for in Edinburgh seven days; after that, I should
conclude you meant No, and sail. No answer came,
and I sailed.”
He was silent. So was she.
A sense of cruel fatality came over her. Alas!
those lost years, that might have been such happy years!
At length she said, faintly, “Forget it.
It was not your fault.”
“It was my fault. If not
mine, you were still yourself-I ought never
to have let you go. I ought to have asked again;
to have sought through the whole world till I found
you again. And now that I have found you-”
“Hush! The girls are here.”
They came along laughing, that merry
group-with whom life was at its spring-who
had lost nothing, knew not what it was to lose!
“Good-night,” said Mr.
Roy, hastily. “But-to-morrow
morning?”
“Yes.”
“There never is night to which
comes no morn,” says the proverb. Which
is not always true, at least as to this world; but
it is true sometimes.
That April morning Fortune Williams
rose with a sense of strange solemnity-neither
sorrow nor joy. Both had gone by; but they had
left behind them a deep peace.
After her young people had walked
themselves off, which they did immediately after breakfast,
she attended to all her household duties, neither
few nor small, and then sat down with her needle-work
beside the open window. It was a lovely day;
the birds were singing, the leaves budding, a few
early flowers making all the air to smell like spring.
And she-with her it was autumn now.
She knew it, but still she did not grieve.
Presently, walking down the garden
walk, almost with the same firm step of years ago-how
well she remembered it!-Robert Roy came;
but it was still a few minutes before she could go
into the little parlor to meet him. At last she
did, entering softly, her hand extended as usual.
He took it, also as usual, and then looked down into
her face, as he had done that Sunday. “Do
you remember this? I have kept it for seventeen
years.”
It was her mother’s ring.
She looked up with a dumb inquiry.
“My love, did you think I did
not love you?-you always, and only you?”
So saying, he opened his arms; she
felt them close round her, just as in her dream.
Only they were warm, living arms; and it was this
world, not the next. All those seventeen bitter
years seemed swept away, annihilated in a moment;
she laid her head on his shoulder and wept out her
happy heart there.
The little world of St. Andrews was
very much astonished when it learned that Mr. Roy
was going to marry, not one of the pretty Miss Moseleys,
but their friend and former governess, a lady, not
by any means young, and remarkable for nothing except
great sweetness and good sense, which made every body
respect and like her; though nobody was much excited
concerning her. Now people had been excited about
Mr. Roy, and some were rather sorry for him; thought
perhaps he had been taken in, till some story got
wind of its having been an “old attachment,”
which interested them of course; still, the good folks
were half angry with him. To go and marry an
old maid when he might have had his choice of half
a dozen young ones! when, with his fortune and character,
he might, as people say-as they had said
of that other good man, Mr. Moseley-“have
married any body!”
They forgot that Mr. Roy happened
to be one of those men who have no particular desire
to marry “any body;” to whom the
woman, whether found early or late-alas!
in this case found early and won late-is
the one woman in the world forever. Poor Fortune-rich
Fortune! she need not be afraid of her fading cheek,
her silvering hair; he would never see either.
The things he loved her for were quite apart from
any thing that youth could either give or take away.
As he said one, when she lamented hers, “Never
mind, let it go. You will always be yourself-and
mine.”
This was enough. He loved her.
He had always loved her: she had no fear but
that he would love her faithfully to the end.
Theirs was a very quiet wedding, and
a speedy one. “Why should they wait? they
had waited too long already,” he said, with some
bitterness. But she felt none. With her
all was peace.
Mr. Roy did another very foolish thing
which I can not conscientiously recommend to any middle-aged
bachelor. Besides marrying his wife, he married
her whole family. There was no other way out
of the difficulty, and neither of them was inclined
to be content with happiness, leaving duty unfulfilled.
So he took the largest house in St. Andrews, and
brought to it Janetta and Helen, till David Dalziel
could claim them; likewise his own two orphan boys,
until they went to Oxford; for he meant to send them
there, and bring them up in every way like his own
sons.
Meantime, it was rather a heterogeneous
family; but the two heads of it bore their burden
with great equanimity, nay, cheerfulness; saying sometimes,
with a smile which had the faintest shadow of pathos
in it, “that they liked to have young life about
them.”
And by degrees they grew younger themselves;
less of the old bachelor and old maid, and more of
the happy middle-aged couple to whom Heaven gave,
in their decline, a St. Martin’s summer almost
as sweet as spring. They were both too wise
to poison the present by regretting the past-a
past which, if not wholly, was partly, at least, owing
to that strange fatality which governs so many lives,
only some have the will to conquer it, others not.
And there are two sides to every thing: Robert
Roy, who alone knew how hard his own life had been,
sometimes felt a stern joy in thinking no one had
shared it.
Still, for a long time there lay at
the bottom of that strong, gentle heart of his a kind
of remorseful tenderness, which showed itself in heaping
his wife with every luxury that his wealth could bring;
better than all, in surrounding her with that unceasing
care which love alone teaches, never allowing the
wind to blow on her too roughly-his “poor
lamb,” as he sometime called her, who had suffered
so much.
They are sure, humanly speaking, to
“live very happy to the end of their days.”
And I almost fancy sometimes, if I were to go to St.
Andrews, as I hope to do many a time, for I am as
fond of the Aged City as they are, that I should see
those two, made one at last after all those cruel
divided years, wandering together along the sunshiny
sands, or standing to watch the gay golfing parties;
nay, I am not sure that Robert Roy would not be visible
sometimes in his red coat, club in hand, crossing
the Links, a victim to the universal insanity of St.
Andrews, yet enjoying himself, as golfers always seem
to do, with the enjoyment of a very boy.
She is not a girl, far from it; but
there will always be a girlish sweetness in her faded
face till its last smile. And to see her sitting
beside her husband on the green slopes of the pretty
garden-knitting, perhaps while he reads
his eternal newspapers-is a perfect picture.
They do not talk very much; indeed, they were neither
of them ever great talkers. But each knows the
other is close at hand, ready for any needful word,
and always ready with that silent sympathy which is
so mysterious a thing, the rarest thing to find in
all human lives. These have found it, and are
satisfied. And day by day truer grows the truth
of that sentence which Mrs. Roy once discovered in
her husband’s pocket-book, cut out of a newspaper-she
read and replaced it without a word, but with something
between a smile and tear-"Young love
is passionate, old love is faithful; but the very
tenderest thing in all this world is a love revived."