His tranquil tone disguised the immense
anarchy within. Silas Angmering had evidently
been what is called a profiteer. He had made his
money “out of the war.” And Silas
was an Englishman. While Englishmen, and-later-Americans,
had given up lives, sanity, fortunes, limbs, eyesight,
health, Silas had gained riches. There was nothing
highly unusual in this. Mr. Prohack had himself
seen, in the very club in which he was now entertaining
Softly Bishop, a man who had left an arm in France
chatting and laughing with a man who had picked up
over a million pounds by following the great principle
that a commodity is worth what it will fetch when
people want it very badly and there is a shortage of
it. Mr. Prohack too had often chatted and laughed
with this same picker-up of a million, who happened
to be a quite jolly and generous fellow. Mr.
Prohack would have chatted and laughed with Barabbas,
convinced as he was that iniquity is the result of
circumstances rather than of deliberate naughtiness.
He seldom condemned. He had greatly liked Silas
Angmering, who was a really educated and a well-intentioned
man with a queer regrettable twist in his composition.
That Silas should have profiteered when he got the
chance was natural. Most men would do the same.
Most heroes would do the same. The man with one
arm would conceivably do the same.
But between excusing and forgiving
a brigand (who has not despoiled you), and
sharing his plunder, there was a gap, a chasm.
Few facts gave Mr. Prohack a more
serene and proud satisfaction than the fact that he
had materially lost through the war. He was positively
glad that he had lost, and that the Government, his
employer, had treated him badly.... And now to
become the heir of a profiteer! Nor was that all!
To become the co-heir with a woman of dubious renown,
and with Mr. Softly Bishop! He knew nothing about
the woman, and would think nothing. But he knew
a little about Mr. Softly Bishop. Mr. Bishop,
it used to be known and said in the club, had never
had a friend. He had the usual number of acquaintances,
but no relationship more intimate. Mr. Prohack,
in the old days, had not for a long time actively disliked
Mr. Bishop; but he had been surprised at the amount
of active dislike which contact with Mr. Bishop engendered
in other members of the club. Why such dislike?
Was it due to his fat, red face, his spectacles, his
conspiratorial manner, tone and gait, the evenness
of his temper, his cautiousness, his mysteriousness?
Nobody knew. In the end Mr. Prohack also had
succeeded in disliking him. But Mr. Prohack produced
a reason, and that reason was Mr. Bishop’s first
name. On it being pointed out to Mr. Prohack
by argufiers that Mr. Bishop was not responsible for
his first name, Mr. Prohack would reply that the mentality
of parents capable of bestowing on an innocent child
the Christian name of Softly was incomprehensible
and in a high degree suspicious, and that therefore
by the well-known laws of heredity there must be something
devilish odd in the mentality of their offspring-especially
seeing that the offspring pretended to glory in the
Christian name as being a fine old English name.
No! Mr. Prohack might stomach co-heirship with
a far-off dubious woman; but could he stomach co-heirship
with Softly Bishop? It would necessitate friendship
with Mr. Bishop. It would bracket him for ever
with Mr. Bishop.
These various considerations, however,
had little to do with the immense inward anarchy that
Mr. Prohack’s tone had concealed as he musingly
murmured: “Do I really?” The disturbance
was due almost exclusively to a fierce imperial joy
in the prospect of immediate wealth. The origin
of the wealth scarcely affected him. The associations
of the wealth scarcely affected him. He understood
in a flash the deep wisdom of that old proverb (whose
truth he had often hitherto denied) that money has
no smell. Perhaps there might be forty good reasons
against his accepting the inheritance, but they were
all ridiculous. Was he to abandon his share of
the money to Softly Bishop and the vampire-woman?
Such a notion was idiotic. It was contrary to
the robust and matter-of-fact commonsense which always
marked his actions-if not his theories.
No more should his wife be compelled to scheme out
painfully the employment of her housekeeping allowance.
Never again should there be a question about a new
frock for his daughter. He was conscious, before
anything else, of a triumphant protective and spoiling
tenderness for his women. He would be absurd
with his women. He would ruin their characters
with kindness and with invitations to be capricious
and exacting and expensive and futile. They nobly
deserved it. He wanted to shout and to sing and
to tell everybody that he would not in future stand
any d -d nonsense from anybody.
He would have his way.
“Why!” thought he, pulling
himself up. “I’ve developed all the
peculiarities of a millionaire in about a minute and
a half.”
And again, he cried to himself, in
the vast and imperfectly explored jungle that every
man calls his heart:
“Ah! I could not have borne
to give up either of my clubs! No! I was
deceiving myself. I could not have done it!
I could not have done it! Anything rather than
that. I see it now.... By the way, I wonder
what all the fellows will say when they know!
And how shall I break it to them? Not to-day!
Not to-day! To-morrow!”
At the moment when Mr. Prohack ought
to have been resuming his ill-remunerated financial
toil for the nation at the Treasury, Bishop suggested
in his offhand murmuring style that they might pay
a visit to the City solicitor who was acting in England
for him and the Angmering estate. Mr. Prohack
opposingly suggested that national duty called him
elsewhere.
“Does that matter-now?”
said Bishop, and his accents were charged with meaning.
Mr. Prohack saw that it did not matter,
and that in future any nation that did not like his
office-hours would have to lump them. He feared
greatly lest he might encounter some crony-member on
his way out of the club with Bishop. If he did,
what should he say, how should he carry off the situation?
(For he was feeling mysteriously guilty, just as he
had felt guilty an hour earlier. Not guilty as
the inheritor of profiteering in particular, but guilty
simply as an inheritor. It might have been different
if he had come into the money in reasonable instalments,
say of five thousand pounds every six months.
But a hundred thousand unearned increment at one coup...!)
Fortunately the cronies were still in the smoking-room.
He swept Bishop from the club, stealthily, swiftly.
Bishop had a big motor-car waiting at the door.
III
He offered no remark as to the car,
and Mr. Prohack offered no remark. But Mr. Prohack
was very interested in the car-he who had
never been interested in cars. And he was interested
in the clothes and in the deportment of the chauffeur.
He was indeed interested in all sorts of new things.
The window of a firm of house-agents who specialised
in country houses, the jewellers’ shops, the
big hotels, the advertisements of theatres and concerts,
the establishments of trunk-makers and of historic
second-hand booksellers and of equally historic wine-merchants.
He saw them all with a fresh eye. London suddenly
opened to him its possibilities as a bud opens its
petals.
“Not a bad car they; hired out
to me,” said Bishop at length, with casual approval.
“You’ve hired it?”
“Oh, yes!”
And shortly afterwards Bishop said:
“It’s fantastic the number
of cars there are in use in America. You know
it’s a literal fact that almost every American
family has a car. For instance, whenever there’s
a big meeting of strikers in New York, all the streets
near the hall are blocked with cars.”
Mr. Prohack had food for reflection. His outlook
upon life was changed.
And later Bishop said, again apropos of nothing:
“Of course it’s only too
true that the value of money has fallen by about half.
But on the other hand interest has about doubled.
You can get ten per cent on quite safe security in
these days. Even Governments have to pay about
seven-as you know.”
“Yes,” concurred Mr. Prohack.
Ten thousand pounds a year!
And then he thought:
“What an infernal nuisance it
would be if there was a revolution! Oh!
But there couldn’t be. It’s unthinkable.
Revolution everywhere, yes; but not in England or
America!”
And he saw with the most sane and
steady insight that the final duty of a Government
was to keep order. Change there must be, but let
change come gradually. Injustices must be remedied,
naturally, but without any upheaval! Yet in the
club some of the cronies (and he among them), after
inveighing against profiteers and against the covetousness
of trades unions, had often held that “a good
red revolution” was the only way of knocking
sense into the heads of these two classes.
The car got involved in a block of
traffic near the Mansion House, and rain began to
fall. The two occupants of the car watched each
other surreptitiously, mutually suspicious, like dogs.
Scraps of talk were separated by long intervals.
Mr. Prohack wondered what the deuce Softly Bishop
had done that Angmering should leave him a hundred
thousand pounds. He tried to feel grief for the
tragic and untimely death of his old friend Angmering,
and failed. No doubt the failure was due to the
fact that he had not seen Angmering for so many years.
At last Mr. Prohack, his hands in
his pockets, his legs stretched out, his gaze uplifted,
he said suddenly:
“I suppose it’ll hold water?”
“What? The roof of the car?”
“No. The will.”
Mr. Softly Bishop gave a short laugh, but made no
other answer.
IV
The car halted finally before an immense
new block of buildings, and the inheritors floated
up to the fifth floor in a padded lift manned by a
brilliantly-uniformed attendant. Mr. Prohack saw
“Smathe and Smathe” in gilt on a glass
door. The enquiry office resembled the ante-room
of a restaurant, as the whole building resembled a
fashionable hotel. Everywhere was mosaic flooring.
“Mr. Percy Smathe?” demanded
Bishop of a clerk whose head glittered in the white
radiance of a green-shaded lamp.
“I’ll see, sir. Please
step into the waiting-room.” And he waved
a patronising negligent hand. “What name?”
he added.
“Have you forgotten my name
already?” Mr. Bishop retorted sharply.
“Bishop. Tell Mr. Percy Smathe I’m
here. At once, please.”
And he led Mr. Prohack to the waiting-room,
which was a magnificent apartment with stained glass
windows, furnished in Chippendale similar to, but
much finer than, the furnishing of Mr. Prohack’s
own house. On the table were newspapers and periodicals.
Not The Engineering Times of April in the previous
year or a Punch of the previous decade, and
The Vaccination Record; but such things as the
current Tatler, Times, Economist, and La
Vie Parisienne.
Mr. Prohack had uncomfortable qualms
of apprehension. For several minutes past he
had been thinking: “Suppose there is
something up with that will!” He had little
confidence in Mr. Softly Bishop. And now the
aspect of the solicitors’ office frightened him.
It had happened to him, being a favourite trustee
of his relations and friends, to visit the offices
of some of the first legal firms in Lincoln’s
Inn Fields. You entered these lairs by a dirty
door and a dirty corridor and another dirty door.
You were interrogated by a shabby clerk who sat on
a foul stool at a foul desk in a foul office.
And finally after an interval in a cubby hole that
could not boast even The Anti-Vaccination Record,
you were driven along a dirtier passage into a dirtiest
room whose windows were obscured by generations of
filth, and in that room sat a spick and span lawyer
of great name who was probably an ex-president of
the Incorporated Law Society. The offices of Smathe
and Smathe corresponded with alarming closeness to
Mr. Prohack’s idea of what a bucket-shop might
be. Mr. Prohack had the gravest fears for his
hundred thousand pounds.
“This is the solicitor’s
office new style,” said Bishop, who seemed to
have an uncanny gift of reading thoughts. “Very
big firm. Anglo-American. Smathe and Smathe
are two cousins. Percy’s American.
English mother. They specialise in what I may
call the international complication business, pleasant
and unpleasant.”
Mr. Prohack was not appreciably reassured.
Then a dapper, youngish man with a carnation in his
buttonhole stepped neatly into the room, and greeted
Bishop in a marked American accent.
“Here I am again,” said
Bishop curtly. “Mr. Prohack, may I introduce
Mr. Percy Smathe?”
“Mr. Prohack, I’m delighted to make your
acquaintance.”
Mr. Prohack beheld the lawyer’s
candid, honest face, heard his tones of extreme deference,
and noted that he had come to the enquiry room to
fetch his clients.
“There’s only one explanation
of this,” said Mr. Prohack to himself.
“I’m a genuinely wealthy person.”
And in Mr. Percy Smathe’s private
room he listened but carelessly to a long legal recital.
Details did not interest him. He knew he was all
right.