Entering and taking leave.
Removal of hat and care of wrappings.
Various courtesies.
Staring
at or speaking of defects and infirmities.
Treatment
of accidents and mistakes.
Whispering,
laughing, and private conversation.
Attention
to one’s dress or matters of toilet.
Sitting
still gracefully.
Inattention to
the company we are in.
Introductions.
Giving proper titles.
Attention
in conversation, -- illustration.
Attention
to reading or music.
Looking over
another’s shoulder.
Reading
letters.
Interest in what is shown
us.
Asking questions of strangers.
Contradicting statements.
Doing
our part.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
WHEN we make a call upon a friend,
we should speak to each person in the room when we
enter and when we leave, but at a party or other formal
gathering it is not necessary to take leave of any
except the host and hostess, to whom we must also
speak as soon as we arrive. A visit is a more
important matter than a call, and at its close, we
should take pains to bid good by to each one of the
household, expressing to those who have entertained
us, when we can do so with truth, our enjoyment of
the visit, and our wish to have them visit us.
It is polite to write as soon as possible
to those whom we have been visiting: they wish
to know of our safe arrival at home; and a letter
also gives us opportunity to say any pleasant thing
about the visit that we may have forgotten or omitted.
Upon entering any house a gentleman
or gentlemanly boy will remove his hat, and never
allow it upon his head inside the door.
When the streets are muddy or snowy,
we should carefully wipe our feet or remove our overshoes
at the door; and in stormy weather we must take care
that dripping waterproofs and umbrellas are put where
they will not injure carpets or paper.
When the company are putting on their
wrappings to go home, it is polite to offer assistance,
particularly to those older than ourselves.
A gentleman should allow a lady to
pass through a door before him, holding it open for
her. We ought not to pass in front of others if
we can go behind them; but if it is necessary to do
so, we should ask them to excuse us. A gentleman
should go upstairs before a lady, and behind her coming
down, taking care not to step on her dress.
If a handkerchief or other article
is dropped, we should hasten to pick it up and restore
it to the owner. In handing a pair of scissors,
a knife, or any pointed article, we ought to turn
the point toward ourselves.
It is rude to stare at people in company,
especially if they are unfortunate in any way or peculiar
in appearance; neither is it polite to allude to a
personal defect or ask a question about its cause,
even in the kindest manner. The same rule applies
here as in case of family misfortune or bereavement,
that if persons suffering the affliction wish it mentioned,
they will speak of it first themselves. To do
as we would be done by is the rule of real politeness
in all these cases.
If an accident happens to persons
or their dress, or if their dress is out of order,
if we can give assistance we should do so in a quiet
way without attracting attention; if we cannot be
of use, we should take no notice of the misfortune.
The same principle of good-breeding will keep us from
laughing at mistakes or accidents.
To exchange glances with another,
to whisper, or to laugh unless others know what we
are laughing at, is even ruder than to stare, and no
one who is polite will do these things. In company
is not the place to tell secrets or carry on personal
or private conversation.
We should see that our dress is in
order before we enter the room, and then neither think
nor speak of it. To look in the glass, smooth
one’s gloves and laces, or play with rings or
chain, seems like calling attention to our dress,
and is in bad taste. It would seem unnecessary
here or anywhere to say that attention to finger-nails,
which is a matter of the toilet for one’s chamber,
is inexcusable, if we did not sometimes see persons
in the presence of others take out pocket-knives for
this purpose.
It is a common saying that people
unused to society do not know what to do with their
hands and feet. The best direction that can be
given is to do nothing. Let them take easy positions
of themselves, and think no more about them.
To sit still gracefully is an accomplishment worth
acquiring, and it should be studied by boys and girls
as well as grown people. The necessity for it
comes so often in life that we should learn to do
it well. We should not sit on the edge or corner
of a chair, or tilt it backward or forward.
Drumming with the fingers on tables
or chairs, rocking rapidly back and forth, or looking
out of the window, as if we were more interested in
things outside than in those in the room, should never
be done. It is well said that “if in company
we are absent in mind, we had better be absent in
body.” “Forget yourself” is
one of the best and broadest precepts of good behavior;
but we should never forget others.
It is often our duty in society to
introduce persons to each other, and we should study
to do this gracefully. It is said of Alice Cary
that she had such a happy way of giving introductions
as to make each person feel specially honored.
We should introduce a gentleman to a lady, saying,
“Mr. Smith, Miss Jones,” if we use this
simplest form of introduction, and not “Miss
Jones, Mr. Smith,” as is often done. We
should introduce a younger person to an older, unless
it be one of our own family, when, “My aunt,
Mrs. Brown, Miss Jones,” is proper. We should
introduce strangers to each other at the table and
elsewhere before they have time to feel awkward at
not being able to speak. Great pains should be
taken to pronounce distinctly the names of those introduced.
Too often each person hears only his own.
We should speak of people as Mr.,
Mrs., or Miss, except with intimate friends, giving
particular titles when proper, and never allude to
any one as “Old Smith,” or “Old
Miss Jones.”
To make ill-natured remarks about
the absent shows a want of good-breeding as well as
good feeling.
No one should make himself conspicuous
in company by loud laughing and talking. To make
remarks intended to be overheard, especially remarks
meant to be funny, is clownish, and to be
a society clown is a very low ambition.
We must not interrupt one who is speaking,
and must pay attention to remarks addressed to the
company. If a person is speaking to us we ought
to listen attentively, even if we are not interested,
and not hurt his feelings by letting our eyes wander
from him or showing other signs of impatience.
A good listener is as welcome in society as a good
talker, and often more so, because every one who talks
likes to be listened to with appreciative attention.
Those who have read “The Wide,
Wide World” will remember an instance of little
Ellen Montgomery’s good-breeding in this respect,
when she was visiting at Ventnor.
“Ellen is a fascinating child,”
said Mrs. Gillespie, “I cannot comprehend where
she gets the manners she has. I never saw a more
perfectly polite little girl.”
“I have noticed the same thing
often,” said Miss Sophia. “Did you
observe her last night when John Humphreys came in?
You were talking to her at the moment. Before
the door was opened, I saw her color come and her
eyes sparkle, but she did not look towards him for
an instant till you had finished what you were saying
to her, and she had given, as she always does, her
modest, quiet answer, and then her eye went straight
as an arrow to where he was standing.”
When any one is reading aloud, playing,
or singing, we ought to give him the same close attention
we would wish to receive if we were in his place.
Talking or moving about at such times is unpardonably
rude, and also looking at the clock as if we were
impatient for the performer to finish.
We should never interrupt with questions
or remarks a person engaged in reading or writing,
and to look over the shoulder of one so employed is
impertinent.
If letters are brought to us, we should
not open and read them in company unless they require
immediate attention, when we should ask to be excused
for doing so.
We should give interested attention
to books, pictures, views, or games shown us for our
entertainment, and express pleasure and admiration
when we can with truth. If an article or a letter
is given us to read, we should not hand it back without
remark, or begin to read something else, as is often
done by people who ought to know better, but we should
thank the one who showed it to us, speak of it politely,
and if there is anything about it we can commend,
do so.
If we have occasion to make an inquiry
of a stranger, we should preface it with, “Excuse
me,” “Pardon me,” or, “I beg
your pardon,” unless we use the simpler form,
“Will you please tell me,” in beginning
our question.
It is ill-bred to contradict, especially
if the one addressed be an older person. If a
person says in our hearing that the lecture was given
Thursday evening, when it was really Wednesday, or
that Miss Green was at the concert with Miss White
when we know that Miss Gray was her companion, it
is not our place to embarrass the speaker by setting
him right. If we are appealed to, or if there
is good reason why we should correct the statement,
we should do so politely, with an apology for the
correction.
We ought to be willing in company
to contribute our share to the general entertainment.
Unless we are willing to give as well as receive, we
had better stay at home. It is ill-mannered to
read aloud, sing, or play to others unless we are
invited to do so; but if a request is made, it is
much more polite and agreeable to the company for us
to comply cheerfully, and do the best we can, than
to wait for much urging and then to burden the listeners
with apologies before we begin. If we do not
feel able to do what is asked of us, we should politely
but positively decline at first.
If games are proposed, unless there
is some good reason for our doing so, it is not polite
to decline taking part, saying, “I will see the
rest play.” If all did this, nobody would
be entertained. It is much more the part of good
manners to enter heartily into the amusement of the
hour, and do our best to make it a success.
It is this spirit of readiness to
help on things that makes useful members of society,
and the more earnestly boys and girls cultivate it
the more fit they will be for their duties as citizens.
We ought not to be content to be ciphers anywhere.
As significant figures, we shall be of more value
in the world, be happier ourselves, and make others
happier.