Merrick had a little place at Riverdale,
where he went occasionally to be near the Iron Works,
and where he hid his week-ends when the world was
too much with him.
Here, on the following Saturday afternoon
I found him awaiting me in a pleasant setting of books
and prints and faded parental furniture.
We dined late, and smoked and talked
afterward in his book-walled study till the terrier
on the hearth-rug stood up and yawned for bed.
When we took the hint and moved toward the staircase
I felt, not that I had found the old Merrick again,
but that I was on his track, had come across traces
of his passage here and there in the thick jungle that
had grown up between us. But I had a feeling
that when I finally came on the man himself he might
be dead....
As we started upstairs he turned back
with one of his abrupt shy movements, and walked into
the study.
“Wait a bit!” he called to me.
I waited, and he came out in a moment carrying a limp
folio.
“It’s typewritten.
Will you take a look at it? I’ve been trying
to get to work again,” he explained, thrusting
the manuscript into my hand.
“What? Poetry, I hope?” I exclaimed.
He shook his head with a gleam of
derision. “No just general considerations.
The fruit of fifty years of inexperience.”
He showed me to my room and said good-night.
The following afternoon we took a
long walk inland, across the hills, and I said to
Merrick what I could of his book. Unluckily there
wasn’t much to say. The essays were judicious,
polished and cultivated; but they lacked the freshness
and audacity of his youthful work. I tried to
conceal my opinion behind the usual generalisations,
but he broke through these feints with a quick thrust
to the heart of my meaning.
“It’s worn down blurred?
Like the figures in the Cumnors’ tapestry?”
I hesitated. “It’s a little too damned
resigned,” I said.
“Ah,” he exclaimed, “so
am I. Resigned.” He switched the bare brambles
by the roadside. “A man can’t serve
two masters.”
“You mean business and literature?”
“No; I mean theory and instinct.
The gray tree and the green. You’ve got
to choose which fruit you’ll try; and you don’t
know till afterward which of the two has the dead
core.”
“How can anybody be sure that only one of them
has?”
“I’m sure,” said Merrick sharply.
We turned back to the subject of his
essays, and I was astonished at the detachment with
which he criticised and demolished them. Little
by little, as we talked, his old perspective, his
old standards came back to him; but with the difference
that they no longer seemed like functions of his mind
but merely like attitudes assumed or dropped at will.
He could still, with an effort, put himself at the
angle from which he had formerly seen things; but
it was with the effort of a man climbing mountains
after a sedentary life in the plain.
I tried to cut the talk short, but
he kept coming back to it with nervous insistence,
forcing me into the last retrenchments of hypocrisy,
and anticipating the verdict I held back. I perceived
that a great deal immensely more than I
could see a reason for had hung for him
on my opinion of his book.
Then, as suddenly, his insistence
dropped and, as if ashamed of having forced, himself
so long on my attention, he began to talk rapidly and
uninterestingly of other things.
We were alone again that evening,
and after dinner, wishing to efface the impression
of the afternoon, and above all to show that I wanted
him to talk about himself, I reverted to his work.
“You must need an outlet of that sort.
When a man’s once had it in him, as you have and
when other things begin to dwindle ”
He laughed. “Your theory
is that a man ought to be able to return to the Muse
as he comes back to his wife after he’s ceased
to interest other women?”
“No; as he comes back to his
wife after the day’s work is done.”
A new thought came to me as I looked at him.
“You ought to have had one,” I added.
He laughed again. “A wife,
you mean? So that there’d have been some
one waiting for me even if the Muse decamped?”
He went on after a pause: “I’ve a
notion that the kind of woman worth coming back to
wouldn’t be much more patient than the Muse.
But as it happens I never tried because,
for fear they’d chuck me, I put them both out
of doors together.”
He turned his head and looked past
me with a queer expression at the low panelled door
at my back. “Out of that very door they
went the two of ’em, on a rainy night
like this: and one stopped and looked back, to
see if I wasn’t going to call her and
I didn’t and so they both went....”