THE GUINEA-HEN’S DAY

Corner of a kitchen-garden, enclosed on the sides by hedges. At the back, espaliers. Vegetables and flowers of all kinds. Cold frames. Among the fruit trees, an upright pole, rigged in an old frock-coat, pair of trousers, and opera hat, fills the function of scarecrow.

SCENE FIRST

The GUINEA-HEN, HENS, DUCKS, etc.; the PHEASANT-HEN, the BLACKBIRD, later PATOU.

At the rise of the curtain, multitudinous clatter and confused swarming of HENS and CHICKENS.

THE GUINEA-HEN [Going impetuously from one to the other.] How do you do? How do you do? There is scarcely room to move! My guests reach all the way to the cucumber patch!

CHORUS
[Up in the air.]
Busily buzzing

THE GUINEA-HEN
A regular crush!

A HEN
[Gazing at a row of huge pumpkins.] What attractive objects!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Art pottery! Rather good of its kind, if I do say so!

A CHICK
[Listening with his bill in the air.] Singers?

THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes,

CHORUS
Busily buzzing

THE GUINEA-HEN [In her sprightliest manner.] The Wasps! [To a CHICKEN.] How do you do? [She flits from one guest to the other.]

THE WASPS
Busily buzzing
Estival glees.
Fill we with murmurs
The mulberry trees!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Passing with the BLACKBIRD and laughing.] So you were caught?

THE BLACKBIRD [Finishing his story.] Exactly as if a hat had been plumped down over me. But I managed by beating my wings to throw off the beastly pot. [Looking around him.] Chantecler has not come yet?

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Surprised.] Is he coming?

PATOU [Suddenly appearing on the wheelbarrow, from whence he can watch the scene as from a pulpit.] I still hope he may change his mind.

THE BLACKBIRD
Patou there, in the wheelbarrow?

PATOU [Shaking his surly head, and a bit of broken chain hanging from his collar.] Chantecler told me everything Blackbird, as he went by. In a towering rage I broke my chain, and am here to keep an eye on the wicked lot of you.

THE GUINEA-HEN [To the BLACKBIRD.] Has he invited himself to my party, that moth-eaten old thing?

CHORUS
[Among the trees.]
Our praises, Sun, our praises!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Looking upward.] Music?

THE GUINEA-HEN
The Cicadas!

CHORUS OF CICADAS
We simmer in thy gaze,
We bask beneath thy blaze,
Receive our grateful praise!

THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [Low and quickly to his mother.] Tsicadas, mother. You must pronounce it Tsi!

A MAGPIE [In black coat and white tie, announcing the guests as they arrive through a hole such as Chickens dig at the foot of hedges.] The Gander!

THE GANDER [Entering, jocularly.] What’s all this fuss and feathers my lady? Our names called as we enter?

THE GUINEA-HEN [Demurely.] Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people, I thought it well to stand an usher at the blackthorn door.

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing.] The Duck!

THE DUCK [Entering, impressed by the elegance of the occasion.] Here is style and grandeur indeed! Our names called!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people

THE MAGPIE
The Turkey-hen!

THE TURKEY-HEN [Entering, after a supercilious glance.] This is quite more of an affair, my dear, than I was anticipating. Names called!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Yes, I had in the Magpie to supplement my usual staff.

CHORUS
[Among blossoming branches.]
Boom! Boom!
From bloom to bloom!

THE TURKEY-HEN
[Lifting her bill.] A Chorus?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Breezily.] The Bees!

CHORUS
Make distant flowers
Bride and groom!

THE TURKEY-HEN
Wonders on every side!

THE GUINEA-HEN
The Bees here, the Tsicadas yonder [To a passing HEN.] How do you do?
How do you do?

BEES
[At the right.]
Boom!

CICADAS
[At the left.]
Our praises!

BEES
Boom!

CICADAS
Our praises!

THE GUINEA-HEN [To the PHEASANT-HEN.] My garden produces the most remarkable of everything!

THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
The brightest flowers!

THE GUINEA-HEN
The big potatoes!

THE BLACKBIRD
And peaches! Perfect peaches!

THE PHEASANT-HEN [Inconvenienced by the movement and the crowd, to the BLACKBIRD.] Let us stand out of the crowd a moment, behind this watering-pot.

THE BLACKBIRD The watering-pot, alias the Intermittent Baldpate, so called because there flows from his copper scalp when he is tilted a marvelous growth of silver hair.

THE GUINEA-HEN [Spying the CAT, who, outstretched along an apple-bough is watching with half-closed eyes.] I have among my guests the Cat.

THE BLACKBIRD
Tomkyns de Tomkyns! [A BIRD is heard warbling in a tree.]

THE GUINEA-HEN
I have the Chaffinch!

THE BLACKBIRD
Let him chaff inchworms, what care we?

THE GUINEA-HEN
The Darning-needle!

THE BLACKBIRD
She shall mend up Ragged Robin, now’s his chance!

PATOU
[More and more disgusted.] All that is supposed to be funny!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Pecking a cabbage leaf from which roll drops of dew.] I have the Dew!

PATOU
[Grimly.] Your witticism for her?

THE BLACKBIRD
[Brightly.] Fresh-water pearls!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Pointing out several CHICKS walking among the crowd.] Have you seen them? I have several of the A.I.’s Chicks!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
A.I.?

THE GUINEA-HEN
The Acme Incubator.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, have you?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Presenting the CHICKS.] All from the topmost compartment!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Indeed?

ONE OF THE CHICKS
[Nudging his neighbour.] She is dumbfounded!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Contemptuously.] Eggs hatched by the old vulgar method, fie!

THE BLACKBIRD,
Good Lord, exempt us!

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing.] The Guinea-pig!

THE GUINEA-HEN It’s the famous one, you know! The Guinea-pig who was inoculated surely you remember the case very well, that’s the one! There you see him. I made a point of getting him to come. Everybody is here! I have everybody! I have [To the GUINEA-PIG.] How do you do? [To the PHEASANT-HEN.] I have our great philosopher Tur-Key Yes, it should be written with a hyphen who will give us a little talk among the currant bushes under the tea-roses [To a passing HEN.] How do you do? [To the PHEASANT-HEN.] Educational Tea or Currant Topics! [Whirling from one to the other.] Everyone is here, everyone of the slightest mark or consequence! The Pheasant-hen is here, in a frock from fairyland. The Duck is here, who is so good as to say he will recite for us by and by. The Tortoise is here [Noticing that the TORTOISE is not there] I was mistaken, the Tortoise is not here. She is late.

THE BLACKBIRD [Affecting deep concern.] What is the little talk she seems so regrettably likely to miss?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Suddenly serious.] The Moral Problem.

THE BLACKBIRD
What a pity!

[The GUINEA-HEN goes to the back, scattering greetings, in ecstasies of sociability.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[To the BLACKBIRD.] Who is the Tortoise?

THE BLACKBIRD
A hard old character, impervious, I fear, to moral problems, who goes in
for walking matches in a loud check suit!

[Murmur among the hollyhocks.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Listen, a Drone!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Briskly returning.] The Drone is here! In the bright light overhead, what a stylish figure of a fly!

THE BLACKBIRD
No “at home” complete without it! Ladies cry for it! Won’t be happy
until

THE GUINEA-HEN [Jumping up in the air toward the DRONE.] How do you do? How do you do? [She follows his flight with excited leaps and hops.]

THE BLACKBIRD
[Touching his brow with his wing.] She is dotty!

THE GUINEA-HEN [At the back, with shrill GUINEA-HEN cries.] It’s my last day! How do you do? My last day until August! Mondays in August, don’t forget!

A HEN
[Seeing cherries dropping around her.] Oh, cherries, look!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Looking upward.] It is the Breeze!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Fluttering forward again, excited as ever.] I have the Breeze, who now and then shakes down a cherry! I never ask her. She comes unasked. What’s-his-name is here! And What’s-her-name is here, and [To the back tumultuously.]

THE BLACKBIRD And Thingumbob, and Stick-in-the-mud! [He has arrived without appearance of design beneath the tree where the CAT is lying, and asks rapidly, under breath.] Cat, what about the conspiracy?

THE CAT [Who from his tree can see beyond the hedge.] It is afoot. I see the interminable file of phenomenal Cocks approaching, headed by the Peacock who comes to present them.

A CRY
[Outside.] Ee yong! [The CROWD throngs toward the entrance.]

PATOU
[Grumbling.] That abominable concertina cry

THE MAGPIE
The Peacock!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[To the BLACKBIRD.] Have you a fancy name for him?

THE BLACKBIRD
[Imitating the PEACOCK’S cry.] Our great Accordée-yong!

SCENE SECOND

THE SAME, THE PEACOCK.

THE GUINEA-HEN [To the PEACOCK, who enters slowly, with his head borne very stiff and high.] Master, dear Master, would you be so extremely condescending as to come and stand with your back to these sunflowers? Peacock! Sunflowers! A study for Burne-Jones!

ALL
[Crowding around the PEACOCK.] Master! Master!

A CHICKEN
[Low to the DUCK.] A word from him can make one’s fortune in society!

ANOTHER CHICKEN [Who has succeeded in forcing his way to the PEACOCK, stammering with emotion.] Master, what do you think of my latest “cheep”? [Suspense. Religious silence.]

THE PEACOCK [Solemnly, letting the word drop slowly from his beak.] Definitive. [Sensation.]

A DUCK
[Trembling.] And my “quack”? [Suspense.]

THE PEACOCK
Ultimate! [Sensation.]

THE GUINEA-HEN [Delighted, to the HENS.] I may say that it is at my days most especially he throws off these specimens of a verbal art which might fairly be called

THE PEACOCK
Lapidary.

ALL THE HENS
[Rolling up their eyes.] Wonderful!

A HEN [Coming forward, faint with emotion.] Master, high priest of taste, what do you think of my dress? [Suspense.]

THE PEACOCK
[After a glance.] Affirmative. [Sensation.]

THE TUFTED HEN
[Same business.] And my bonnet? [Suspense.]

THE PEACOCK
Absolute. [Sensation.]

THE GUINEA-HEN
[In a burst of emotion.] Our bonnets are absolute!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Affecting exclusive interest in the BEES.] Ah, there is the Choir
Invisible striking up again!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Presenting the young GUINEA-COCK to the PEACOCK.] My son! What do you think of him?

THE PEACOCK
Plausible.

CHORUS OF WASPS
Busily buzzing

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Overjoyed, running to the PHEASANT-HEN.] Oh, he said he was plausible!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Who was?

THE GUINEA-HEN
My son!

CHORUS OF BEES

When July
Too holly glows
Seek the shade
Inside the rose!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Returning to the PEACOCK.] Does not the rhythm of that chorus impress you as

THE PEACOCK
Asunartetos!

A HEN
[To the GUINEA-HEN.] Your guest, my dear, can fit an epithet!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Pontiff of the Unexpected Adjective I call him!

THE PEACOCK
[Distilling his words, in a discordant haughty voice.] True it is that

THE GUINEA-HEN
Ah, this is most pleasant, most pleasant! He is going to talk to us.

THE PEACOCK a Ruskin rather more refined, I hope, than the earlier one, with a tact

THE GUINEA-HEN
Very true!

PEACOCK a tact for which I stand largely in my own debt, I have constituted myself Petronius-Priest and Maecenas-Messiah volatile volatiliser of words, and that, jeweled judge, I love by my cameos and filigrees of speech to represent the Taste of which I am the

PATOU
Oh, my poor head!

THE PEACOCK
[Nonchalantly.] shall I say guardian?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Effervescently.] Do say guardian!

THE PEACOCK
No. Thesmothètes. [Respectful murmur of delight.]

THE GUINEA-HEN [To the PHEASANT-HEN.] Now you have seen our Peacock! Aren’t you excited?

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Slightly bored.] Yes, because I know the Cock is coming.

THE GUINEA-HEN [Delighted.] To-day? He is coming to-day? [She announces to the general company, enthusiastically.] Chantecler!

THE PEACOCK [Slightly miffed.] A far greater triumph lies in store for you, fair friend.

THE GUINEA-HEN
Triumph? [The PEACOCK nods mysteriously.] What triumph?

THE PEACOCK
[Walking away from her.] You shall see.

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Following him.] Of what triumph are you speaking?

THE PEACOCK
I said, “You shall see!”

MAGPIE
[Announcing.] Cock Braekel of Campine!

SCENE THIRD

THE SAME, then gradually the COCKS.

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Stopping short, amazed.] Braekel? At my party? There’s some mistake.

THE BRAEKEL COCK
[Bowing before her.] Madam

THE GUINEA-HEN [Breathless with emotion in the presence of this white COCK braided with black.] This unexpected pleasure

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing.] Cock Ramelslohe

THE GUINEA-HEN
Heavens!

THE MAGPIE
[Finishing.] of the Slate-blue Claw!

THE PEACOCK [In the GUINEA-HEN’S ear, while the startling RAMELSLOHE bows.] He is one of the most recent leucotites!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Blankly.] A leucotite How interesting!

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing in a louder and louder, more and more impressive voice.]
Cock Wyandotte of the Sable Spur! [Shiver of emotion among the HENS.]

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Off her head with excitement.] Heavens and gracious powers my son!

THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[Running to her.] Mamma!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Wyandotte! Cock Wyandotte!

THE PEACOCK
[With a fine carelessness.] Cock with strawberry coronet, product of
Art Nouveau!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[To the newcomers who are surrounded by astonished murmurs.]
Strawberry coronet! Gentlemen

THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[Who has gone to take a look outside.] Mamma!

THE GUINEA-HEN
so kindly condescending to honour my poor house

THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
Mamma, there are still others coming!

THE MAGPIE
His lordship, the Cock

THE GUINEA-HEN
Heavens, what Cock?

THE MAGPIE
Cock of Mesopotamia with the Double Comb!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Double! Oh! [Dashing to welcome the newcomer.] Charmed, charmed indeed!

THE PEACOCK
Out upon the obsolete! I wished to show you a few young gentlemen
slightly superlative and veritably precious.

THE GUINEA-HEN [Returning to the PEACOCK.] How shall I thank you, Peacock, dear friend? [To the PHEASANT-HEN, patronizingly.] You will excuse me, I know, you charming little thing. You must understand, my dear, that his lordship the Cock of Mesopotamia has just arrived! [Running to the COCK, who bows his two combs.] A proud day for us! Charmed, delighted, enchanted!

MAGPIE
Cock d’Orpington of the Feather-ringed Eye!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Feather-ringed Oh!

THE BLACKBIRD
The plot thickens!

THE MAGPIE
[While the GUINEA-HEN is flying toward the ORPINGTON COCK.] Bearded
Cock of Varna!

THE PEACOCK
[To the GUINEA-HEN.] A typical Slav!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Leaving the ORPINGTON for the BEARDED COCK.] Oh, the Slav soul we have heard so much about! Charmed, beyond words, charmed!

THE MAGPIE
Rose-footed Scotch Grey Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Leaving the BEARDED COCK for the SCOTCH GREY.] Oh, that rose foot! I do admire that rose foot! Think of introducing that rose foot at my tea! [With conviction.] What a social event!

THE MAGPIE
Cock

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Out of her senses.] No, I say, no! There can’t be any more!

THE MAGPIE
Cock with Goblet-shaped comb!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Who at every name rushes excitedly toward the newcomer.] Charmed, I am sure! Oh, what a novel notion! Goblet-shaped!

THE MAGPIE
Blue Cock of Andalusia!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Your egg, I presume, was laid in the vibrating hollow of a guitar!
Delighted and honored, both!

THE MAGPIE
Cock Langsham!

THE PEACOCK
A Tartar!

ALL THE HENS
[Smitten with amazement at sight of the black giant.] A Tartar!

THE MAGPIE
Gold-penciled Hamburg Cock!

ALL THE HENS
[At sight of the gold-laced COCK in the cocked hat.] Gold-penciled
Hamburg!

THE GUINEA-HEN My kitchen-garden party will be famous! [To the HAMBURG COCK, whose breast is striped with black and yellow.] Oh, what a wonderful waistcoat! May I ask what it is made of?

THE BLACKBIRD
Of zebra!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Zebra, you dont say so! It will be the pride of my life, of my whole

THE MAGPIE
Cock

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Jumping.] No, I can’t believe it!

THE MAGPIE
of Burma!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Burma! [Increasing general agitation.]

THE PEACOCK
An East Indian.

THE GUINEA-HEN
Oh, I can see his Hindu soul right in his eyes, the Hindu soul we hear
so much about! [Running to the newcomer, in an adoring voice.]
Charmed, charmed! The Hindu soul oh!

THE MAGPIE
Padua Cocks The Dutch Padua of Poland!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Dutch of Poland! This is really more than I ever aspired to!

[The PADUA COCKS enter, shaking their plumes.]

THE MAGPIE
The Gold Cock! The Silver Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[In ecstasies of admiration before the flowing plume of the latter.]
With a waterfall on his head!

THE BLACKBIRD
And a suspension bridge!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[No longer conscious of what she is saying.] And a suspension bridge!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[To PATOU.] Poor Guinea-hen, she will say anything after anybody!

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing in a louder and louder tone ever more extraordinary
COCKS.] Bagdad Cock!

THE PEACOCK
[Dominating the tumult.] Consummately Arabian Nights.

THE GUINEA-HEN
Did you hear? Consummately Arabian Nights!

ALL THE HENS
To be sure! Awfully Arabian Nights!

THE PEACOCK
Kamaralzaman himself is hardly more so.

THE MAGPIE
Bantam Cock with ruffles!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Transported.] How eighteenth century this is! Look, oh, look! A dwarf! A dwarf! Dwarfs! Little cunning bits of dwarfs!

THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[Low.] Mamma, do control yourself!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Screaming in the midst of the COCKS.] No, no, I cant and wont! That is Kamaralzaman! I dont really know which I prefer, which I

THE MAGPIE
Guelder Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Rushing to the newcomer.] This is truly a treat! Another Belgian!

THE MAGPIE
Serpent-necked Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Rattled.] To you, dear Seacock, I owe this Perpentneck!

THE MAGPIE
Duck-sided Cock! Crow-billed Cock! Hawk-footed Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Who has fallen upon the new arrivals, bursts into shrill volubility before the last of them.] This surpasses all! An albino! Charmed, my dear sir, honoured, enchanted! Oh, on his head he wears a cheese!

A HEN
So he does, a cheese! A cream cheese, to be sure! A cream cheese!

ALL THE HENS
A cream cheese!

THE MAGPIE
Crève Coeur Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Rushing to meet him.] Oh, he has horns on his head!

THE PEACOCK
Satanic.

THE MAGPIE
Ptarmigan Cock!

THE PEACOCK
Aesthetic.

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Rushing up to him.] Oh, he wears on his head an Assyrian helmet!

THE MAGPIE
White Pile

THE GUINEA-HEN [Rushing up to him.] He wears on his head [Stopping short at sight of his docked comb.] Nothing whatever. He wears nothing whatever on his head. How odd it looks!

THE CAT [From his apple tree, to the BLACKBIRD, indicating the WHITE PILE GAME-COCK.] There is the champion. The dust conceals a razor on his lean foot. [The GAME-COCK disappears among the throng of fancy COCKS, who are surrounded by a swarm of cackling HENS.]

THE MAGPIE
Negro Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Gone quite mad among the multitude of COCKS now filling the kitchen-garden with their extraordinary head-gear aigrettes, and plumes and helmets, double and triple combs.] Charmed, honoured, enchanted enchanted, honoured, charmed!

PATOU
She has taken leave of her wits!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[To the empty air.] Charmed, charmed, enchanted, en

THE MAGPIE
Cock with Supernumerary Toe! Naked-necked Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Naked?

THE MAGPIE
Necked!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[To a HEN.] My dear, now we shall see something worth while!

THE MAGPIE
Japanese Cocks Cock Splendens!

THE GUINEA-HEN [At sight of this COCK whose tail is eight yards long.] Oh! In a swallow tail!

THE MAGPIE
Clump-backed

THE BLACKBIRD [Perceiving that this COCK is absolutely flat at the back.] In a monkey-jacket!

THE MAGPIE
[Finishing.] or Tailless Cock!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Beside herself.] He has nothing whatever behind! This is the crowning moment of my career! [To the newcomer, effusively.] Charmed! No tail! This is

THE BLACKBIRD
I like his cheek!

THE MAGPIE [While more and more heterogeneous COCKS appear.] Cock Walikikili, called Choki-kukullo! Pseudo-Chinese Cuculicolor!

THE GUINEA-HEN
What a choice gathering!

THE PEACOCK
Kaleidoscopically cosmopolitan.

THE MAGPIE
Blue Java! White Java!

THE BLACKBIRD
[Losing all shame.] Won’t Java cup o’ coffee?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Falling upon the JAVA COCKS.] Charmed, charmed!

THE MAGPIE
Brahma Cock! Cochin Cock!

THE PEACOCK
[Proudly.] The great vicious Cocks, representatives of the corrupt
East, the putrescent Orient!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Intoxicated.] Putrescent!

THE PEACOCK
Unwholesome, morbid grace!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[To the COCHIN COCK.] Charmed! Charmed! Do notice his obscene eye!

THE MAGPIE [Announcing wildly, infected with the general delirium.] Chili Cock, curled hindside fore! Antwerp Cock, curled inside out!

ALL THE HENS
[Fighting for the newcomers.] Oh, putrescent! Oh, hindside fore!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Inside out!

THE MAGPIE
Shankless Jumping-cock!

A HEN
[Fainting with emotion.] I suppose he jumps with his stomach!

THE GUINEA-HEN
An India-rubber Cock!

THE PHEASANT-HEN [To PATOU, who from his wheelbarrow is looking off into the distance.] And Chantecler?

PATOU
Will be here soon.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Can you see him?

PATOU
Yes, off there, scratching up the earth. Now he is on his way.

THE MAGPIE
Ghoondook Cock with Umbrella Topknot!

CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!

THE MAGPIE
Iberian Cock with Lint Side Whiskers!

CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!

THE MAGPIE
Cock Bans Backin or Fat Cheek of Thuringia!

CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!

THE MAGPIE
Yankee Cochin of Plymouth Rock!

[Sudden silence. CHANTECLER has appeared at the entrance, just behind the COCK last announced.]

CHANTECLER
[To the MAGPIE.] Pray simply say, “The Cock!”

SCENE FOURTH

THE SAME, CHANTECLER, later THE PIGEONS, and
THE SWAN.

THE MAGPIE
[After looking CHANTECLER up and down, disdainfully.] The Cock!

CHANTECLER [From the threshold, to the GUINEA-HEN.] Your pardon Madam, my humble duty! for venturing to present myself in this plumage

THE GUINEA-HEN
Come in, I pray!

CHANTECLER
I hardly know whether I should. I have a limited number of toes

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Indulgently.] Oh, never mind!

CHANTECLER
I cannot claim to be a Carpathian, and I hardly know how to conceal it
from you I have feet!

THE GUINEA-HEN
Oh, let not that distress you!

CHANTECLER
A plain red-pepper comb, an ordinary garlic clove ear

THE GUINEA-HEN
Of course, of course, we will excuse you. You came in your business suit!

CHANTECLER Nay, my best! Pardon if my best combines merely the green of all April with the gold of all October! I stand abashed. I am the Cock, just the Cock, without further addition. The Cock such as he is still found in some old-fashioned barnyard. A Cock shaped like a Cock, whose outline persists in the vane on the steeple-top in the artist’s eye, and the humble toy which a child’s hand finds among shavings in a little wooden box.

AN IRONICAL VOICE
[From among the group of gorgeous prodigies.] The Gallic Cock, in short?

CHANTECLER [Gently, without even turning.] Sure as I am of my aboriginal claim to this soil, I make no point of assuming the name. But, now you mention it, I recognise that when one simply says the Cock, that is the Cock he means!

THE BLACKBIRD
[Low to CHANTECLER.] I have seen your adversary!

CHANTECLER [Catching sight of the PHEASANT-HEN approaching.] Be still! She must know nothing of this!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Coquettishly.] Did you come for the sake of seeing me?

CHANTECLER
[Bowing.] I am weak, you remember!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Listening to the COCHIN-CHINA COCK, who is talking in an undertone, thickly surrounded by HENS.] That Cock from Cochin China is simply awful!

CHANTECLER
[Turning.] Enough!

THE HENS
[Around the COCHIN COCK, giving little scandalised cries.] Oh!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Tickled.] Oh, you naughty bird! He is quite the most improper of our gallinacea!

CHANTECLER
[Louder.] Enough!

THE COCHIN-CHINA COCK
[Stops, and with mocking surprise.] Is it the Gallic Cock objecting?

CHANTECLER I am not Gallic if you give the word a base or ridiculous meaning. By Jove! Every Hen here knows whether my trumpet blast belongs to a soprano! But your perverse attempts to wring blushes from little baggages in convenient corners outrage my love of Love! It is true that I care more to retain love’s dream than these Cochin-Chinese, who, courting a giggle, use refinement in coarseness, research in vulgarity; true that my blood has swifter flow in a less ponderous body, and that I am not a feathered pig, but a Cock!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Come, come away to the woods, I love you!

CHANTECLER [Looking around him.] Oh, to see a real being appear! Someone simple, someone

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing.] Two Pigeons!

CHANTECLER [Drawing a breath of relief.] At last, pigeons! [He runs eagerly to the entrance.]

THE PIGEONS
[Entering with a series of somersaults.] Hop!

CHANTECLER
[Falling back in amazement.] What is this?

THE PIGEONS
[Introducing themselves between two springs.] The Tumblers! English
Clowns!

CHANTECLER
Where am I?

THE GUINEA-HEN [Running after the TUMBLERS who disappear among the throng of guests.] Hop! Hop!

CHANTECLER
Pigeons turning acrobats! Oh, the joy of seeing something true,
something unblemished

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing.] The Swan!

CHANTECLER [Coming forward delighted.] Good! A Swan! [Shrinking away.] He is black!

THE BLACK SWAN [With swaggering satisfaction.] I have discarded the whiteness while preserving the outline!

CHANTECLER The real Swan’s shadow does no less! [Thrusting the SWAN aside to hop up on a bench whence, through a gap in the hedge, he can see the distant meadows.] Let me climb up on this bench. I need to make sure that Nature still exists though so far away! Ah, yes! The grass is green, a cow is grazing, a calf sucking And Heaven be praised, the calf has a single head! [Coming down again beside the PHEASANT-HEN.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN Oh, come away to the innocent woods, sincere and dewy, where we will love each other!

THE BLACKBIRD [Pointing at CHANTECLER and the PHEASANT-HEN, who are standing close and talking low.] We are getting on!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Intensely interested.] Do you think so? [She spreads her wings to screen them.] Oh, I am so fond of helping along a clandestine love affair!

THE BLACKBIRD [Sticking his bill under the GUINEA-HEN’S wing so as to keep the pair in sight.] I believe she has thoughts of annexing his comb.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[To CHANTECLER.] Come, dearest, come away!

CHANTECLER [Resisting.] No, I must sing where Destiny placed me. I am useful here, I am beloved

THE PHEASANT-HEN [Remembering what she overheard the night before in the farmyard.] Are you so sure? Come away to the woods, where we shall hear real pigeons cooing tenderly to each other!

THE TURKEY
[At the back.] Ladies, the great Peacock

THE PEACOCK
[Modestly.] The Super-peacock who supervenes, and supersedes

THE GUINEA-HEN
Will spread his tail for us! He has expressed his amiable willingness so
far to favour us.

[The company falls into groups of spectators, the outlandish COCKS forming a wreath around their patron.]

THE PEACOCK [Preparing to spread his tail.] I am, by precious natural gift, in addition to my multifarious accomplishments something of a shall I say artist in firework?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Effervescently.] Yes!

THE PEACOCK No. Pyrotechnist. For the choicest piece in urban gardens, where Catharine-wheels on festival nights spurt sidereal spray, and rockets shot into gold-riddled skies fall back in prismatic showers, is less sapphirine, smaragdine, cuprine

CHANTECLER
Zounds!

THE PEACOCK
than, I venture to say, ladies, am I

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, I understood that last word!

THE PEACOCK when I unfurl the union of fan, jewel-case, and screen, upon which I offer to the self-same sunbeams that redden the reed all the joyous gems you now may contemplate!

CHANTECLER
What a silly bill!

[The PEACOCK has spread his tail.]

A COCK
[To the PEACOCK.] Master, which of us will you make the fashion?

THE PADUA COCK
[Quickly coming forward.] Me! I look like a palm-tree!

A CHINA COCK
[Pushing the PADUA COCK aside.] I look like a pagoda!

A BIG FEATHER-FOOTED COCK [Pushing the CHINA COCK aside.] Me! I have cauliflowers sprouting at my heels!

CHANTECLER
Each is in one the show and Mr. Barnum!

ALL [Parading and filing past the PEACOCK.] See my beak! See my feet! See my feathers!

CHANTECLER [Suddenly shouting at them.] Lo! While you hold your costume contest, a Scarecrow gives you his blessing!

[Behind them, in fact, the wind has lifted the arms of the SCARECROW, which loosely wave above the pageant.]

ALL
[Starting back.] What?

CHANTECLER Behold this dummy talking to that lay-figure! [While the wind blows through the flapping rags.] What say the trousers, dancing their limp fandango? They say, “We were once the fashion!” And, terror of the titlark, what says the old hat which a beggar would none of? “I was the fashion!” And the coat? “I was the fashion!” And the tattered sleeves, that no one has care to mend, try to clasp the Wind, whom they take for the Fashion, and drop back empty The Wind has passed, the Wind is far!

THE PEACOCK [To the animals slightly dismayed by this address.] You poor-spirited creatures, that thing cannot talk!

CHANTECLER
Man says the same of us.

THE PEACOCK [To the birds nearest to him.] He is vexed because of those Cocks whom I introduced. [To CHANTECLER, ironically.] What, my dear sir, do you say to these resplendent gentlemen?

CHANTECLER I say, my dear sir, that these resplendent gentlemen are manufactured wares, the work of merchants with highly complex brains, who to fashion a ridiculous Chicken have taken a wing from that one, a topknot from this. I say that in such Cocks nothing remains of the true Cock. They are Cocks of shreds and patches, idle bric-a-brac, fit to figure in a catalogue, not in a barnyard with its decent dunghill and its dog. I say that those befrizzled, beruffled, bedeviled Cocks were never stroked and cherished by Nature’s maternal hand. I say that it’s all Aviculture, and Aviculture is flapdoodle! And I say that those preposterous parrots, without style, without beauty, without form, whose bodies have not even kept the pleasing oval of the egg they were hatched from, look like so many desperate fowls escaped from some hen-coop of the Apocalypse!

A COCK
My dear sir

CHANTECLER [With rising spirit.] And I add that the whole duty of a Cock is to be an embodied crimson cry! And when a Cock is not that, it matters little that his comb be shaped like a toadstool, or his quills twisted like a screw, he will soon vanish and be heard of no more, having been nothing but a variety of a variety!

A COCK
I protest

CHANTECLER [Going from one to the other.] Yes, Cocks affecting incongruous forms, Cocks crowned with cocoa-palm coiffures Hear me talk like the Peacock! I lapse into alliteration! [Finding his fun in bewildering them with cackling guttural volubility.] Yes, Cockerels cockaded with cockles, Cockatrice-headed Cockasters, cock-eyed Cockatoos! Not content to be common Cocks, your crotchet it was to be what but crack Cocks? Yes, Fashion, to be accounted of thy flock, these chuckle-headed Cocks craved to be Super-cocks. But know ye not, ye crazy Cocks, one cannot be so queer a Cock, but there may occur a queerer Cock? Let some Cock come whose coccyx boasts a more flamboyant shock, and you pass like childish measles, croup or chicken-pox! Consider that to-morrow, high Cockalorums, fancy Cocks, consider that day after to-morrow, cheese-capped goblet-crested Cocks, in spite of curly hackle and cauliflowered hocks, a more fantastic Cock than ever may creep out of a box! For the Cock-fancier, to diversify his stock, may more fantastically still combine his Cutcutdaycuts and his Cocks, and you will be no more sad Cuckoos made a mock! but old rococo Cocks beside this more coquettish Cock!

A COCK And how, may one learn from you, can a Cock secure himself against becoming rococo?

CHANTECLER
One royal way there is: to think only of crowing like a right and proper
Cock!

A COCK [Haughtily.] We are well known, I beg to state, for our exceptionally fine crowing!

CHANTECLER
Known to whom?

SCENE FIFTH

THE SAME, three CHICKENS, noticeable among the rest for a certain jaunty pertness of gait and demeanour, who for a minute or so have been moving among the artificial COCKS.

FIRST CHICKEN
To us, of course!

SECOND CHICKEN
To us!

THIRD CHICKEN
To us!

ALL THREE
[Bowing at once.] Good morning!

FIRST CHICKEN
Your voice?

SECOND CHICKEN
Tenor?

THIRD CHICKEN
Bass?

SECOND CHICKEN
Robusto?

THIRD CHICKEN
Di cortesia?

CHANTECLER [Bewildered, looking toward the PHEASANT-HEN.] What is this? An interlude?

THE PHEASANT-HEN
An interview.

SECOND CHICKEN
Do you take it in your chest?

THIRD CHICKEN
Or in your head?

CHANTECLER
Do I take what?

FIRST CHICKEN
Pray talk without reserve. We represent the Board of Investigation into
the Gallodoodle Movement.

CHANTECLER
That’s all very well, but I [Attempting to pass.]

FIRST CHICKEN
You will find it difficult, I think, to leave, until you have answered
such questions as we are pleased to ask. Is your early meal a light one?

CHANTECLER
But

SECOND CHICKEN
You have tendencies, no doubt

CHANTECLER
Hosts.

SECOND CHICKEN
What do you feel most particularly drawn to?

CHANTECLER
Hens.

FIRST CHICKEN [Without smiling.] Have you nothing to communicate with regard to your song?

CHANTECLER
I just sing.

SECOND CHICKEN
And when you sing ?

CHANTECLER
The heavens hear me.

THIRD CHICKEN
Have you a special method?

CHANTECLER
I

FIRST CHICKEN
You live

CHANTECLER
To sing!

SECOND CHICKEN
And your song ?

CHANTECLER
Is my life!

THIRD CHICKEN
But how do you sing?

CHANTECLER
I take pains.

FIRST CHICKEN
But do you scan [Beating furiously with his wing.] one-one-two
One-three? Three-one? Or four? What is your dynamic theory?

THE BLACKBIRD
[Shouting.] Who has not his little pet dynamic theory?

CHANTECLER
Dyna ?

SECOND CHICKEN
Where do you place the accent? On the Cock ?

THIRD CHICKEN
On the Doo?

CHANTECLER
On the

FIRST CHICKEN
[Impatiently.] What is your school?

CHANTECLER
Schools of Cocks?

SECOND CHICKEN
[Rapidly.] Certainly. Some sing Cock-a-doodle-doo, and some
Keek-a-deedle-dee!

CHANTECLER
Cock ? Keek ?

THIRD CHICKEN
Not to speak of those who

A COCK
[Coming forward.] The correct and proper way to crow is
Cowkerdowdledow!

CHANTECLER
What Cock is that?

FIRST CHICKEN
An Anglo-Indian.

SECOND CHICKEN
And the Turk over there, whose comb suggests a cyst, crows
Coocooroocoocoo!

THIRD CHICKEN
[Shouting in his ear.] Do you not upon occasions vary your
Cockadoodledoo with Cackadaddledaa?

ANOTHER COCK
[Springing up at the right.] I, for one, entirely suppress the vowels:
C-ck-d-dl-d!

CHANTECLER
[Trying to get away.] Is it a Welsh Rabbit dream?

ANOTHER COCK [Springing up at the left.] O-a-oo-e-oo! Have you ever tried suppressing the consonants?

ANOTHER COCK [Pushing aside all the others.] I mix the whole thing up Cuck-o-deedle-daa! in a free and supple song!

CHANTECLER
My brain reels!

ALL THE COCKS
[Gathered about him, fighting.] No! Cuckodee No, Cackadaa No,
Coocooroo

THE COCK
[Who mixes all up.] The free Cockadoodle! The free crow is obligatory!

CHANTECLER
Pray, who is that, speaking with such authority?

FIRST CHICKEN
It is a wonderful Cock who has never sung at all.

CHANTECLER
[In humble despair.] And I am only a Cock who sings!

EVERYBODY [Drawing away from him in disgust.] I wouldn’t mention it if I were you!

CHANTECLER
I give my song as the rose-tree gives its Rose!

THE PEACOCK
[Sarcastically.] Ah, I was waiting for the Rose! [Pitying laughter.]

CHANTECLER [Low, nervously, to the BLACKBIRD.] Is my prospective slayer going to keep me waiting much longer?

EVERYONE
[Disgusted.] The Rose? Oh!

THE GUINEA-HEN
If you must mention flowers, let them be rather less

THE PEACOCK
Elementary. [With the most disdainful impertinence.] So you are still
at the declension of Rosa?

CHANTECLER I am, you Peacock! You, I suppose, may be forgiven for speaking slightingly of the Rose, being a rival candidate for the beauty prize. [Looking around him.] But I summon these Cocks, from Dorking to Bantam, to defend with me

A COCK
[Nonchalantly.] Pray whom?

CHANTECLER
The Rose, Rosam; to declare on the spot and forthwith

THE BLACKBIRD
[Ironically.] You set yourself up as the champion

CHANTECLER Rosarum, of roses, I do! To declare that worship is due

A COCK
To whom, pray?

CHANTECLER
To roses, rosis! in whose hearts sleep rain-drops like essences in
fragrant vials, to declare that they are, and ever will be

A VOICE [Cold and cutting.] Painted jades, things of naught! [All the fancy COCKS draw aside, revealing the WHITE PILE GAME COCK, who appears, tall and lean and sinister at the further end of their double row.]

CHANTECLER
At last!

THE BLACKBIRD
It’s time to climb up on the chairs!

CHANTECLER
[To the WHITE PILE.] Sir

THE PHEASANT-HEN
You are never going to challenge that giant?

CHANTECLER I am! To appear tall it is sufficient to talk on stilts! [To the GAME COCK, slowly crossing the stage toward him.] Know that such a remark is not to be endured, and permit me to tell you [Finding a CHICK between himself and the GAME COCK, he gently puts him aside, saying] Run to your mother, tot! [To the WHITE PILE, looking insolently at his docked comb] that you look like a Fool who has mislaid his coxcomb!

THE WHITE PILE
[Astonished.] Fool? Coxcomb? What? What? What?

CHANTECLER [Beak to beak with the GAME COCK.] What? What? What? [A pause. They arch themselves, with bristling neck-hackle.]

THE WHITE PILE [Emphatically.] In America, during my grand tour, I killed three Claybornes in a day. I have killed two Sherwoods, three Smoks, and one Sumatra. I have killed let me advise anyone fighting me to take something beforehand to keep down his pulse! three Red-game at Cambridge and ten Braekels at Bruges!

CHANTECLER [Very simply.] I, my dear sir, have never killed anything. But as I have at different times succored, defended, protected, this one and that, I might perhaps be called, in my own fashion, brave. You need not take these mighty airs with me. I came here knowing that you would come. That rose was dangled to afford you the opportunity for brutal stupidity. You did not fail to nibble at its petals. Your name?

THE GAME COCK
White Pile. And yours?

CHANTECLER
Chantecler.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Running desperately to the DOG.] Patou!

CHANTECLER
[To PATOU, who is growling between his teeth.] You, keep out of this!

PATOU
So I will, but it’s rrrrrrrough!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[To CHANTECLER.] A Cock does not risk his life for a Rose!

CHANTECLER
A slur upon a flower is a slur upon the Sun!

THE PHEASANT-HEN [Running to the BLACKBIRD.] Do something! This must be patched up You know you had promised me!

THE BLACKBIRD
Everything can be patched up, my dear, except the quarrels of a fellow’s
friends!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Giving loud cries of despair.] Horrible! Oh, horrible A five-o’clock tea at which guests kill each other! How dreadful [To her son.] that the Tortoise should not have got here yet!

A VOICE
[Crying.] Chantecler, ten against one!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Seating her company, assisting the HENS to climb upon flower-pots, cold-frames, pumpkins.] Quick! quick!

THE BLACKBIRD
Our charming hostess is in great feather, doing the honours of an affair
of honour.

PATOU [To CHANTECLER.] Go in and thrash him. This crowd is longing for the sight of your blood.

CHANTECLER
[Sadly.] I was never anything but kind!

PATOU [Showing the ring which has formed, the faces lighted with hateful eagerness.] Look at them! [All necks are craned, all eyes shine; it is hideous. CHANTECLER looks, understands, and bows his head.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[With a cry of rage.] It’s a disgrace! A disgrace to the name of fowl!

CHANTECLER [Raising his head again.] So be it. But they shall at least learn to-day who I was, and my secret

PATOU
No, don’t tell them, if it’s what my old dreamer’s heart has apprehended!

CHANTECLER [Addressing the multitude, in a loud voice, solemnly, like one confessing his faith.] Know, all of you, that it is I [Deep silence falls. To the WHITE PILE, who has given a sign of impatience.] Your pardon, excellent duellist, but I have a mind, before getting myself killed, to do something brave

THE WHITE PILE
[Surprised.] Ah?

CHANTECLER
Yes, get myself laughed at!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
No, dearest, no! Don’t do it!

CHANTECLER I wish to perish amid salvos of laughter! [To the crowd.] Riot, spirit of Mockery! Disciples of the Blackbird, prepare! [In a still louder voice, hammering home every word.] It is I, who, by my song, bring back the light of day! [Amazement, then vast laughter shakes the multitude.] Is the merriment well under way? On guard!

THE GOLDEN PADUA COCK
[Nodding his plume.] Gentlemen, engage!

VOICES [Amid storms of laughter.] Funny! Side-splitting! Was anything ever so droll? I shall die laughing!

THE BLACKBIRD
The old Gallic love of a joke is not dead!

A CHICKEN
He sings light into the sky!

A DUCK
The Sun gets up to hear him!

CHANTECLER [Avoiding the blows which the WHITE PILE is beginning to aim at him.] Yes, it is I who give you back the Day!

A CHICK
And a jolly fine day it is!

CHANTECLER [While parrying and attacking.] The crowing of other Cocks, able neither to make nor mar, is no better nor worse than sonorous sneezing! Mine [He is wounded.]

A VOICE
Biff! In the neck!

CHANTECLER
mine makes [He is again wounded.]

THE TURKEY
Insufferable self-sufficiency!

CHANTECLER
the light [Again he is struck.]

A VOICE
Biff! On the neb!

CHANTECLER
the light appear!

A VOICE
Biff! In the eye!

CHANTECLER
[Blinded with blood.] Yes, the light!

A VOICE
[Sneering.] Better have let sleeping darkness lie!

CHANTECLER [Automatically repeating beneath his adversary’s blows.] It is I who make the dawn appear!

PATOU
[Barking.] Aye! Aye! Aye!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Sobbing.] Stand up to him, darling! Oh, hit back! Hit back!

A CHICK
Fellows, a nickname for the dawn!

ALL
Yes! Yes!

[The WHITE PILE hurls himself upon CHANTECLER.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, cruel!

THE BLACKBIRD
Chantecler’s Light o’ Love!

A VOICE
A nickname for the Cock!

ALL
Yes! Yes!

THE BLACKBIRD
Grand Master of Illuminations!

ANOTHER VOICE
Purveyor of Sunny Beams!

CHANTECLER [Defending himself foot to foot.] Thanks! Another quip, for I can still fight with my feet!

A VOICE
The Alarm-Cock!

CHANTECLER [Who seems upheld by their insults.] Another pun! And I who know no more of fighting than can be learned on a peaceful farm

A VOICE
Thresh out his hayseed!

CHANTECLER
Thanks! I [His torn feathers fly around him.]

CRY OF JOY
See his fur fly!

CHANTECLER
I feel Another pleasantry!

A VOICE
Lay on, Macfluff!

CHANTECLER
Thanks! I feel that the more I am mocked, insulted, flouted, and denied

AN ASS
[Stretching his neck over the hedge.] Hee-haw!

CHANTECLER
Thanks! the better I shall fight!

THE WHITE PILE
[Chuckling.] He is game, but he’s giving out.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Enough. Enough. Oh, stop!

A VOICE
On White Pile, twenty to one!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Seeing CHANTECLER’S bleeding neck.] He bleeds, oh!

A HEN [Rising on tiptoe behind the GOLDEN PADUA COCK.] I should like to see the blood!

THE WHITE PILE
[Increasing the fury of his onset.] I’ll have your gizzard!

THE HEN
[Trying to see.] The Padua Cock’s hat shuts off my view!

THE BLACKBIRD
Hats off!

A VOICE
That was a stinger! On his comb!

SHRILL CRIES
[From the crowd.] Land him one! Do him up! Lay him out! Have his gore!

PATOU [Standing up in his wheelbarrow.] Will you stop behaving like human beings?

CRIES [Furiously keeping time with the blows showering upon CHANTECLER.] In the neck! On the nut! On the wing! On the [Sudden silence.]

CHANTECLER [Amazed.] What is this? The ring breaks up, the shouting dies [He looks around. The WHITE PILE has drawn away and backed against the hedge. A strange commotion agitates the crowd. CHANTECLER, exhausted, bleeding, tottering, does not understand, and murmurs.] What joke are they preparing against my end? [And suddenly.] Joy, Patou, joy!

PATOU
What?

CHANTECLER
I have done them an injustice. All of them, ceasing to insult and mock
me, look, gather round me, closer and closer look!

PATOU [Seeing them all, in fact, crowding around CHANTECLER, and gazing anxiously at the sky, looks up too, and says simply.] It is the hawk!

CHANTECLER
Ah! [A dark shadow slowly sweeps over the motley crowd, who crouch and
cower.]

PATOU
When that great shadow falls, it is not the fine, strange Cocks we trust
to keep off the bird of prey!

CHANTECLER [Suddenly grown great of size, his wounds forgotten, stands in the midst of them, and in an authoritative tone.] Yes, close around me, all of you, all! [All, huddled in their feathers, their heads drawn in between their wings, press against him.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Dear, brave, and gentle heart!

CHANTECLER [The shadow sweeps over the crowd a second time. The GAME COCK makes himself small. CHANTECLER alone remains standing, in the midst of a heap of ruffled, trembling feathers.]

A HEN
[Looking up at the HAWK.] Twice the black shadow has swept over us!

CHANTECLER [Calling to the CHICKS, who come madly running.] Chicks, come here to me!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
You take them under your wing?

CHANTECLER
I must. Their mother is a box!

THE PHEASANT-HEN [Looking upward.] He hovers over us [The shadow of the HAWK, circling lower and lower, passes for the third time, darker than ever.]

ALL
[In a moan of fear.] Ah!

CHANTECLER
[Shouting toward the sky.] I am here!

PATOU
He has heard your trumpet cry!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
He flies further.

[All rise with a joyous cry of deliverance, “Ah!” and go back to their places to watch the end of the combat.]

PATOU
Without loss of a moment they form the ring again.

CHANTECLER [With a start.] What did you say? [He looks. It is true, the ring has immediately formed.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
Now they want you killed to be revenged for their fine scare.

CHANTECLER
But now I shall not be killed! I felt my strength come back when the
common enemy flew across the sky. [Striding boldly up to the WHITE
PILE.] I got back my courage, fearing for the others.

THE WHITE PILE
[Amazed at being smartly attacked.] Whence has he drawn new strength?

CHANTECLER I am thrice stronger now than you. Black excites me, you see, as red excites the bull, and thrice I have stared at night in the form of a bird’s shadow!

THE WHITE PILE
[Driven to bay, against the hedge, prepares to use his razors.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Screaming.] Look out! He has two sharp razors at his heels, the beast!

CHANTECLER
I knew it!

THE CAT
[From his tree, to the GAME COCK.] Use your knives!

PATOU [Ready to spring from his wheelbarrow.] If he uses those, I’ll strangle him, that’s all!

THE CROWD
Oh!

PATOU
I will! Howl you never so loud!

THE WHITE PILE
[Feeling himself lost.] No help for it!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Closely watching him.] He is getting one of his razors ready!

THE WHITE PILE [Striking with his sharp spur.] Take that! Die! [He utters a terrible cry, while CHANTECLER, avoiding the blow, springs aside.] Ah! [He drops to the ground. Cry of amazement.]

SEVERAL VOICES
What is it?

THE BLACKBIRD
[Who has hopped up to the fallen COCK and examined him.] Nothing!
Merely he has dexterously slashed his left claw with his right!

THE CROWD [Following and hooting the WHITE PILE, who, having picked himself up, limps off.] Hoo! Hoo!

PATOU and the PHEASANT-HEN [Laughing and weeping and talking, all in one, beside CHANTECLER, who stands motionless, utterly spent, with closed eyes.] Chantecler! It is we! The Pheasant-hen! The Dog! Speak to us, speak!

CHANTECLER [Opening his eyes, looks at them and says gently.] The day will rise to-morrow!

SCENE SIXTH

THE SAME, except the WHITE PILE

THE CROWD [After seeing the WHITE PILE off, return tumultuously to CHANTECLER, hailing him with acclamations.] Hurrah!

CHANTECLER [Drawing away from them, in a terrible voice.] Stand back! I know your worth! [The crowd hastily draws back.]

THE PHEASANT-HEN [Close by his side.] Come away to the woods, where true-hearted animals live!

CHANTECLER
No, I will stay here.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
After finding them out?

CHANTECLER
After finding them out.

THE PHEASANT-HEN
You will stay here?

CHANTECLER Not for their sakes, but the sake of my song. It might spring forth less clear from any other soil! But now, to inform the Day that it is sure to be called tomorrow I will sing! [Obsequious movement of the crowd, attempting to approach.] Back! All of you! I have nothing left but my song! [ALL draw away, and alone in his pride, he begins.] Co [To himself, stiffening himself against pain.] Nothing left but my song, therefore let us sing well! [He tries again.] Co Now, I wonder, shall I take it as a chest-note, or Co a head-note? Shall I count one-three, or Co And the accent? Since they filled my head with all that sort of thing, I Coocooroo Keekee-ree And the theory? The dynamic theory? Cock-a I am all tangled up in schools and rules and rubbish! If he reduced his flight to a theory, what eagle would ever soar? Co [Trying again, and ending in a raucous, abortive crow.] Co I cannot sing any more, I, whose method was not to know how, but be quite certain why! [In a cry, of despair.] I have nothing left! They have taken everything from me, my song and everything else. How shall I get it back?

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Opening her wings.] Come away to the woods!

CHANTECLER
[Falling upon her breast.] I love you!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
To the woods, where the simple birds sing their sweet unconscious songs!

CHANTECLER
Let us go! [Both go toward the back. CHANTECLER turning.] But there
is one thing I wish to say

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Trying to lead him away.] Come to the woods!

CHANTECLER to all the Guineahennery gathered beneath these arbors. Let the garden the Bees agree with me, I fancy! let the garden work untroubled at changing its blossoms into fruit

BUZZING OF BEES
We agree ee ee!

CHANTECLER
Nothing good is ever accomplished in the midst of noise. Noise prevents
the bough

BUZZING [Further off.] So say we e e! we e e!

CHANTECLER
from bringing its apple to perfection, prevents the grape

BUZZING
[Dying away among the foliage.] So say we e e!

CHANTECLER from ripening on the vine. [Going toward the back with the PHEASANT-HEN.] Let us go! [Turning and coming again angrily toward the front.] But I wish furthermore to say to these H [The PHEASANT-HEN lays her wing across his beak.] ens that those unnatural Cocks will lightly take themselves away, back to the gilded mangers of their sole affection, the moment they hear the cry of Chick-chick-chick-chick-chick! [Imitating a servant girl calling CHICKENS to feed.] For all those charlatans are stalking appetites, and nothing more!

THE PHEASANT-HEN
[Trying to lead him off.] Come! Come!

A HEN
She is eloping with him.

CHANTECLER
I am coming! But [Coming forward again.] I must first say to this
Peacock, in the presence of that Addlepate [Indicating the
GUINEA-HEN.]

THE GUINEA-HEN
He insults me in my own house. Sensational!

CHANTECLER False hero whom Fashion has taken for leader, you walk in such terror of appearing behindhand to the eyes of your own tail that your throat is blue with it! But, urged forward, on and on, by every staring eye upon it, you will fall at last, breathless for good and all, and end in the false immortality bestowed, false artist, by the [Imitating the manner of the PEACOCK.] shall I say bird-stuffer?

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Mechanically.] Yes!

CHANTECLER
No. Taxidermist, to use the word you would prefer. That, my dear
Peacock, is what I wished to say.

THE BLACKBIRD
Bang!

CHANTECLER
[Turning toward him.] As for you

THE BLACKBIRD
Fire away!

CHANTECLER I will! You became acquainted one grey morning with a city sparrow, did you not tell us so? That was your ruin. You have been possessed ever since with the desire to appear like one yourself.

THE BLACKBIRD
But

CHANTECLER From that hour, unresting, acting the sparrow night and day, the sparrow even in sleep, self-condemned to play the sparrow without respite, you have appeared famous jay!

THE BLACKBIRD
But

CHANTECLER Pathetic effort of a country birdkin, twisting his thick bill to talk with a city accent! Ah, you wish to bite off bits of slang? My friend, they are green! Every grape you pick breaks in your jaws, for city grapes are glass bubbles! Having taken from the sparrow only his make-up and grimace, you are just a clumsy understudy, a sort of vice-buffoon! And you serve up stale old cynicisms picked up with crumbs in fashionable club-rooms, poor little bird, and think to astonish us with your budget of scandalous news

THE BLACKBIRD
But

CHANTECLER I have not exhausted my ammunition! You wish to imitate the sparrow? But the sparrow does not, slyly and meanly mischievous, make a cult of sprightliness is not funny with authority, is not the pedant of flippancy! You percher among low bushes, who never care to fly, you wish to imitate [Turning to one of the exotic COCKS cackling behind him.] Silence, Cock of Japan! or I shall spoil a picture!

THE JAPANESE COCK
[Hurriedly.] I beg your pardon!

CHANTECLER [Continuing to the BLACKBIRD.] You wish to imitate the sparrow, who, rising on light wing, underlines his words with a telegraph wire! Very well, I hate to grieve you, but you know I can hear the sparrows when they come to steal my corn! you are not in it, you do not pull it off. Your lingo is a fake!

THE BLACKBIRD
A ?

CHANTECLER
And your performance is a shine!

THE BLACKBIRD
He can talk slang?

CHANTECLER
I can talk anything! It’s the Paris article made in Germany!

THE BLACKBIRD
But

CHANTECLER
Fire away, I think you said. I hope you don’t mind my air-gun?

THE BLACKBIRD
I

CHANTECLER
The Grand Master of Illuminations is entirely at your service. What do
you say?

THE BLACKBIRD
[Hastily.] Nothing! [He tries to get away.]

CHANTECLER You wish to ape the sparrow of city streets! But his impudence is not a manner of prudence, an art of remaining vague, an elegant method of having no opinion. His eyes always express either wrath or delight. Do you care to know the secret by which the little beggar, with his “Chappie” and his “See” can steal away our hearts? It is that he is frank and fearless that he believes, that he loves, that the railings of a balcony where some child strews crumbs for him are the only cage he ever knew! It is that one can be sure of his gaiety of soul, since he is gay when he is hungry! But you who, void of gaiety because void of love, have imagined that evil wit can take the place of good humour, and that one can play the sparrow when he is a sleek and vulgar trimmer, sniggering behind his wing, what I say to you is, “Guess again, Mock-sparrow, guess again!”

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Always applauding everything that is said at her receptions.] Good!
That was extremely good!

A CHICKEN
[To the crestfallen BLACKBIRD.] You will make him smart for this?

THE BLACKBIRD [Prudently.] No. I will take it out on the Turkey. [At this point a VOICE calls, “Chick-chick-chick-chick-chick!” and all the FANCY COCKS, rushing toward the irresistible call to food, hurry out, tumbling over one another in their haste.]

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Running after them.] Are you going?

A PADUA COCK
[The last to leave.] I beg to be excused! [Disappears.]

THE GUINEA-HEN [In the midst of the hubbub.] Are you going? Must you go? Oh, don’t go yet!

CHANTECLER
[To the PHEASANT-HEN.] Come, my golden Pheasant!

THE GUINEA-HEN
[Running to CHANTECLER.] Are you running away?

CHANTECLER
To save my song!

THE GUINEA-HEN [Running to the YOUNG GUINEA-COCK.] My son, I am in such a state I am in such

A HEN
[Calling after CHANTECLER.] And when shall we see you again?

CHANTECLER
[Before going.] When you have grown teeth! [Off with the
PHEASANT-HEN.]

THE GUINEA-HEN [To the YOUNG GUINEA-COCK.] This has been quite the finest affair of the season! [Darting madly about among the departing guests.] Au revoir! Mondays in August! Don’t forget!

THE MAGPIE
[Announcing.] The Tortoise!