A search, continued unintermittingly
for a week among the hotels and lodging-houses of
Boston, proved finally successful. He found her.
As she opened the door of the miserable apartment
which she occupied, and saw who it was that had knocked,
the hard, unbeautiful red of shame covered her face.
She would have closed the door against him, had he
not quickly stepped within. Her eyelids fluttered
a moment, and then she met his gaze with a look of
reckless hardihood. Still holding the door half
open, she said-
“Henry Burr, what do you want?”
The masses of her dark hairs hung
low about her neck in disorder, and even in that first
glance his eye had noted a certain negligent untidiness
about her toilet most different from her former ways.
Her face was worn and strangely aged and saddened,
but beautiful still with the quenchless beauty of
the glorious eyes, though sleepless nights had left
their dark traces round them;
“What do you want? Why
do you come here?” she demanded again, in harsh,
hard tones; for he had been too much moved in looking
at her to reply at once.
Now, however, he took the door-handle
out of her hand and closed the door, and said, with
only the boundless tenderness of his moist eyes to
mend the bluntness of the words-
“Madeline, I want you. I want you for my
wife.”
The faintest possible trace of scorn
was perceptible about her lips, but her former expression
of hard indifference was otherwise quite unchanged
as she replied, in a spiritless voice-
“So you came here to mock me?
It was taking a good deal of trouble, but it is fair
you should have your revenge.”
He came close up to her.
“I’m not mocking.
I’m in earnest. I’m one of those fellows
who can never love but one woman, and love her for
ever and ever. If there were not a scrap of you
left bigger than your thumb, I’d rather have
it than any woman in the world.”
And now her face changed. There
came into it the wistful look of those before whom
passes a vision of happiness not for them, a look such
as might be in the face of a doomed spirit which,
floating by, should catch a glimpse of heavenly meads,
and be glad to have had it, although its own way lay
toward perdition. With a sudden impulse she dropped
upon her knee, and seizing the hem of his coat pressed
it to her lips, and then, before he could catch her,
sprang away, and stood with one arm extended toward
him, the palm turned outward, warning him not to touch
her. Her eyes were marvellously softened with
the tears that suffused them, and she said-
“I thank you, Henry. You
are very good. I did not think any man could be
so good. Now I remember, you always were very
good to me. It will make the laudanum taste much
sweeter. No! no! don’t! Pity my shame.
Spare me that! Oh, don’t!”
But he was stronger than she, and
kissed her. It was the second time he had ever
done it. Her eyes flashed angrily, but that was
instantly past, and she fell upon a chair crying as
if her heart would break, her hands dropping nervously
by her sides; for this was that miserable, desolate
sorrow which does not care to hide its flowing tears
and wrung face.
“Oh, you might have spared me
that! O God! was it not hard enough before?”
she sobbed.
In his loving stupidity, thinking
to reassure her, he had wounded the pride of shame,
the last retreat of self-respect, that cruellest hurt
of all. There was a long silence. She seemed
to have forgotten that he was there. Looking
down upon her as she sat desolate, degraded, hopeless
before him, not caring to cover her face, his heart
swelled till it seemed as if it would burst, with
such a sense of piteous loyalty and sublimed devotion
as a faithful subject in the brave old times might
have felt towards his queen whom he has found in exile,
rags, and penury. Deserted by gods and men she
might be, but his queen for ever she was, whose feet
he was honoured to kiss. But what a gulf between
feeling this and making her understand his feeling!
At length, when her sobs had ceased, he said, quietly-
“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt
your feelings.”
“It’s all the same.
It’s no matter,” she answered, listlessly,
wiping her eyes with her hand. “I wish
you would go away, though, and leave me alone.
What do you want with me?”
“I want what I have always wanted: I want
you for my wife.”
She looked at him with stupid amazement,
as if the real meaning of this already once declared
desire had only just distinctly reached her mind,
or as if the effect of its first announcement had been
quite effaced by the succeeding outburst.
“Why, I thought you knew! You can’t
have heard-about me,” she said.
“I have heard, I know all,”
he exclaimed, taking a step forward and standing over
her. “Forgive me, darling! forgive me for
being almost glad when I heard that you were free,
and not married out of my reach. I can’t
think of anything except that I’ve found you.
It is you, isn’t it? It is you. I
don’t care what’s happened to you, if it
is only you.”
As he spoke in this vehement, fiery
way, she had been regarding him with an expression
of faint curiosity. “I believe you do really
mean it,” she said, wonderingly, lingering over
the words; “you always were a queer fellow.”
“Mean it!” he exclaimed,
kneeling before her, his voice all tremulous with
the hope which the slightly yielding intonation of
her words had given him. “Yes-yes-I
mean it.”
The faint ghost of a smile, which
only brought out the sadness of her face, as a taper
in a crypt reveals its gloom, hovered about her eyes.
“Poor boy!” she said;
“I’ve, treated you very badly. I was
going to make an end of myself this afternoon, but
I will wait till you are tired of your fancy for me.
It will make but little difference. There! there!
Please don’t kiss me.”