Before he came, everything loved me,
and I had more things to love than I could reckon
by the hairs of my head. Now I feel I can love
but one, and that one has deserted me....
Well, be it so, let her perish,
let her be anything but mine! Melmoth.
Early the next morning Sir William
Brandon was closeted for a long time with his niece,
previous to his departure to the duties of his office.
Anxious and alarmed for the success of one of the darling
projects of his ambition, he spared no art in his
conversation with Lucy, that his great ingenuity of
eloquence and wonderful insight into human nature
could suggest, in order to gain at least a foundation
for the raising of his scheme. Among other resources
of his worldly tact, he hinted at Lucy’s love
for Clifford; and (though darkly and subtly, as befitting
the purity of the one he addressed) this abandoned
and wily person did not scruple to hint also at the
possibility of indulging that love after marriage;
though he denounced, as the last of indecorums, the
crime of encouraging it before. This hint, however,
fell harmless upon the innocent ear of Lucy.
She did not in the remotest degree comprehend its
meaning; she only, with a glowing cheek and a pouting
lip, resented the allusion to a love which she thought
it insolent in any one even to suspect.
When Brandon left the apartment, his
brow was clouded, and his eye absent and thoughtful:
it was evident that there had been little in the conference
with his niece to please or content him. Miss
Brandon herself was greatly agitated; for there was
in her uncle’s nature that silent and impressive
secret of influencing or commanding others which almost
so invariably and yet so quietly attains the wishes
of its owner; and Lucy, who loved and admired him
sincerely, not the less, perhaps, for a
certain modicum of fear, was greatly grieved
at perceiving how rooted in him was the desire of
that marriage which she felt was a moral impossibility.
But if Brandon possessed the secret of sway, Lucy was
scarcely less singularly endowed with the secret of
resistance. It may be remembered, in describing
her character, that we spoke of her as one who seemed,
to the superficial, as of too yielding and soft a temper.
But circumstances gave the lie to manner, and proved
that she eminently possessed a quiet firmness and
latent resolution, which gave to her mind a nobleness
and trustworthy power that never would have been suspected
by those who met her among the ordinary paths of life.
Brandon had not been long gone, when
Lucy’s maid came to inform her that a gentleman,
who expressed himself very desirous of seeing her,
waited below. The blood rushed from Lucy’s
cheek at this announcement, simple as it seemed.
“What gentleman could be desirous of seeing her?
Was it was it Clifford?” She remained
for some moments motionless, and literally unable
to move; at length she summoned courage, and smiling
with self-contempt at a notion which appeared to her
after thoughts utterly absurd, she descended to the
drawing-room. The first glance she directed towards
the stranger, who stood by the fireplace with folded
arms, was sufficient, it was impossible
to mistake, though the face was averted, the unequalled
form of her lover. She advanced eagerly with a
faint cry, checked herself, and sank upon the sofa.
Clifford turned towards her, and fixed
his eyes upon her countenance with an intense and
melancholy gaze, but he did not utter a syllable;
and Lucy, after pausing in expectation of his voice,
looked up, and caught, in alarm, the strange and peculiar
aspect of his features. He approached her slowly,
and still silent; but his gaze seemed to grow more
earliest and mournful as he advanced.
“Yes,” said he at last,
in a broken and indistinct voice, “I see you
once more, after all my promises to quit you forever, after,
my solemn farewell, after all that I have cost you;
for, Lucy, you love me, you love me, and I shudder
while I feel it; after all I myself have borne and
resisted, I once more come wilfully into your presence!
How have I burned and sickened for this moment!
How have I said, ’Let me behold her once more,
only once more, and Fate may then do her worst!’
Lucy! dear, dear Lucy! forgive me for my weakness.
It is now in bitter and stern reality the very last
I can be guilty of!”
As he spoke, Clifford sank beside
her. He took both her hands in his, and holding
them, though without pressure, again looked passionately
upon her innocent yet eloquent face. It seemed
as if he were moved beyond all the ordinary feelings
of reunion and of love. He did not attempt to
kiss the hands he held; and though the touch thrilled
through every vein and fibre of his frame, his clasp
was as light as that in which the first timidity of
a boy’s love ventures to stamp itself!
“You are pale, Lucy,”
said he, mournfully, “and your cheek is much
thinner than it was when I first saw you. When
I first saw you! Ah! would for your sake that
that had never been! Your spirits were light
then, Lucy; your laugh came from the heart, your step
spurned the earth. Joy broke from your eyes,
everything that breathed around you seemed full of
happiness and mirth; and now, look upon me, Lucy! lift
those soft eyes, and teach them to flash upon me indignation
and contempt! Oh, not thus, not thus! I
could leave you happy, yes, literally blessed, if
I could fancy you less forgiving, less gentle, less
angelic!”
“What have I to forgive?” said Lucy, tenderly.
“What! everything for which
one human being can pardon another. Have not
deceit and injury been my crimes against you?
Your peace of mind, your serenity of heart, your buoyancy
of temper, have I marred these or not?”
“Oh, Clifford!” said Lucy,
rising from herself and from all selfish thoughts,
“why, why will you not trust me? You do
not know me, indeed you do not, you are
ignorant even of the very nature of a woman, if you
think me unworthy of your confidence! Do you believe
I could betray it, or do you think that if you had
done that for which all the world forsook you, I could
forsake?”
Lucy’s voice faltered at the
last words; but it sank, as a stone sinks into deep
waters, to the very core of Clifford’s heart.
Transported from all resolution and all forbearance,
he wound his arms around her in one long and impassioned
caress; and Lucy, as her breath mingled with his,
and her cheek drooped upon his bosom, did indeed feel
as if the past could contain no secret powerful enough
even to weaken the affection with which her heart
clung to his. She was the first to extricate
herself from their embrace. She drew back her
face from his, and smiling on him through her tears,
with a brightness that the smiles of her earliest
youth had never surpassed, she said,
“Listen to me. Tell me
your history or not, as you will. But believe
me, a woman’s wit is often no despicable counsellor.
They who accuse themselves the most bitterly are not
often those whom it is most difficult to forgive;
and you must pardon me if I doubt the extent of the
blame you would so lavishly impute to yourself.
I am now alone in the world” (here the smile
withered from Lucy’s lips). “My poor
father is dead. I can injure no one by my conduct;
there is no one on earth to whom I am bound by duty.
I am independent, I am rich. You profess to love
me. I am foolish and vain, and I believe you.
Perhaps, also, I have the fond hope which so often
makes dupes of women, the hope that if
you have erred, I may reclaim you; if you have been
unfortunate, I may console you! I know, Mr. Clifford,
that I am saying that for which many would despise
me, and for which, perhaps, I ought to despise myself;
but there are times when we speak only as if some power
at our hearts constrained us, despite ourselves, and
it is thus that I have now spoken to you.”
It was with an air very unwonted to
herself that Lucy had concluded her address, for her
usual characteristic was rather softness than dignity;
but, as if to correct the meaning of her words, which
might otherwise appear unmaidenly, there was a chaste,
a proud, yet not the less a tender and sweet propriety
and dignified frankness in her look and manner; so
that it would have been utterly impossible for one
who heard her not to have done justice to the nobleness
of her motives, or not to have felt both touched and
penetrated, as much by respect as by any warmer or
more familiar feeling.
Clifford, who had risen while she
was speaking, listened with a countenance that varied
at every word she uttered, now all hope,
now all despondency. As she ceased, the expression
hardened into a settled and compulsive resolution.
“It is well!” said he,
mutteringly. “I am worthy of this, very,
very worthy! Generous, noble girl! had I been
an emperor, I would have bowed down to you in worship;
but to debase, to degrade you, no! no!”
“Is there debasement in love?” murmured
Lucy.
Clifford gazed upon her with a sort
of enthusiastic and self-gratulatory pride; perhaps
he felt to be thus loved and by such a creature was
matter of pride, even in the lowest circumstances to
which he could ever be exposed. He drew his breath
hard, set his teeth, and answered,
“You could love, then, an outcast,
without birth, fortune, or character? No! you
believe this now, but you could not.
“Could you desert your country,
your friends, and your home, all that you
are born and fitted for? Could you attend one
over whom the sword hangs, through a life subjected
every hour to discovery and disgrace? Could you
be subjected yourself to the moodiness of an evil memory
and the gloomy silence of remorse? Could you
be the victim of one who has no merit but his love
for you, and who, if that love destroy you, becomes
utterly redeemed? Yes, Lucy, I was wrong I
will do you justice; all this, nay, more, you could
bear, and your generous nature would disdain the sacrifice.
But am I to be all selfish, and you all devoted?
Are you to yield everything to me, and I to accept
everything and yield none? Alas! I have
but one good, one blessing to yield, and that is yourself.
Lucy, I deserve you; I outdo you in generosity.
All that you would desert for me is nothing O
God! nothing to the sacrifice I make to
you! And now, Lucy, I have seen you, and I must
once more bid you farewell; I am on the eve of quitting
this country forever. I shall enlist in a foreign
service. Perhaps” (and Clifford’s
dark eyes flashed with fire) “you will yet hear
of me, and not blush when you hear! But”
(and his voice faltered, for Lucy, hiding her face
with both hands, gave way to her tears and agitation), “but,
in one respect, you have conquered. I had believed
that you could never be mine, that my past
life had forever deprived me of that hope! I now
begin, with a rapture that can bear me through all
ordeals, to form a more daring vision. A soil
maybe effaced, an evil name maybe redeemed, the
past is not set and sealed, without the power of revoking
what has been written. If I can win the right
of meriting your mercy, I will throw myself on it
without reserve; till then, or till death, you will
see me no more!”
He dropped on his knee, left his kiss
and his tears upon Lucy’s cold hand; the next
moment she heard his step on the stairs, the door closed
heavily and jarringly upon him, and Lucy felt one bitter
pang, and, for some time at least, she felt no more!