Billy was not a young woman that did
things by halves. Long ago, in the days of her
childhood, her Aunt Ella had once said of her:
“If only Billy didn’t go into things all
over, so; but whether it’s measles or mud pies,
I always know that she’ll be the measliest or
the muddiest of any child in town!” It could
not be expected, therefore, that Billy would begin
to play her new rôle now with any lack of enthusiasm.
But even had she needed any incentive, there was still
ever ringing in her ears Bertram’s accusing:
“If you’d tend to your husband and your
home a little more ” Billy still
declared very emphatically that she had forgiven Bertram;
but she knew, in her heart, that she had not forgotten.
Certainly, as the days passed, it
could not be said that Billy was not tending to her
husband and her home. From morning till night,
now, she tended to nothing else. She seldom touched
her piano save to dust it and
she never touched her half-finished song-manuscript,
long since banished to the oblivion of the music cabinet.
She made no calls except occasional flying visits
to the Annex, or to the pretty new home where Marie
and Cyril were now delightfully settled. The opera
and the Symphony were over for the season, but even
had they not been, Billy could not have attended them.
She had no time. Surely she was not doing any
“gallivanting” now, she told herself sometimes,
a little aggrievedly.
There was, indeed, no time. From
morning until night Billy was busy, flying from one
task to another. Her ambition to have everything
just right was equalled only by her dogged determination
to “just show them” that she could do
this thing. At first, of course, hampered as she
was by ignorance and inexperience, each task consumed
about twice as much time as was necessary. Yet
afterwards, when accustomedness had brought its reward
of speed, there was still for Billy no time; for increased
knowledge had only opened the way to other paths, untrodden
and alluring. Study of cookbooks had led to the
study of food values. Billy discovered suddenly
that potatoes, beef, onions, oranges, and puddings
were something besides vegetables, meat, fruit, and
dessert. They possessed attributes known as proteids,
fats, and carbohydrates. Faint memories of long
forgotten school days hinted that these terms had been
heard before; but never, Billy was sure, had she fully
realized what they meant.
It was at this juncture that Billy
ran across a book entitled “Correct Eating for
Efficiency.” She bought it at once, and
carried it home in triumph. It proved to be a
marvelous book. Billy had not read two chapters
before she began to wonder how the family had managed
to live thus far with any sort of success, in the
face of their dense ignorance and her own criminal
carelessness concerning their daily bill of fare.
At dinner that night Billy told Bertram
and William of her discovery, and, with growing excitement,
dilated on the wonderful good that it was to bring
to them.
“Why, you don’t know,
you can’t imagine what a treasure it is!”
she exclaimed. “It gives a complete table
for the exact balancing of food.”
“For what?” demanded Bertram, glancing
up.
“The exact balancing of food;
and this book says that’s the biggest problem
that modern scientists have to solve.”
“Humph!” shrugged Bertram.
“Well, you just balance my food to my hunger,
and I’ll agree not to complain.”
“Oh, but, Bertram, it’s
serious, really,” urged Billy, looking genuinely
distressed. “Why, it says that what you
eat goes to make up what you are. It makes your
vital energies. Your brain power and your body
power come from what you eat. Don’t you
see? If you’re going to paint a picture
you need something different from what you would if
you were going to to saw wood; and what
this book tells is is what I ought to give
you to make you do each one, I should think, from what
I’ve read so far. Now don’t you see
how important it is? What if I should give you
the saw-wood kind of a breakfast when you were just
going up-stairs to paint all day? And what if
I should give Uncle William a a soldier’s
breakfast when all he is going to do is to go down
on State Street and sit still all day?”
“But but, my dear,”
began Uncle William, looking slightly worried, “there’s
my eggs that I always have, you know.”
“For heaven’s sake, Billy,
what have you got hold of now?” demanded
Bertram, with just a touch of irritation.
Billy laughed merrily.
“Well, I suppose I didn’t
sound very logical,” she admitted. “But
the book you just wait. It’s
in the kitchen. I’m going to get it.”
And with laughing eagerness she ran from the room.
In a moment she had returned, book in hand.
“Now listen. This is
the real thing not my garbled inaccuracies.
’The food which we eat serves three purposes:
it builds the body substance, bone, muscle, etc.,
it produces heat in the body, and it generates vital
energy. Nitrogen in different chemical combinations
contributes largely to the manufacture of body substances;
the fats produce heat; and the starches and sugars
go to make the vital energy. The nitrogenous food
elements we call proteins; the fats and oils, fats;
and the starches and sugars (because of the predominance
of carbon), we call carbohydrates. Now in selecting
the diet for the day you should take care to choose
those foods which give the proteins, fats, and carbohydrates
in just the right proportion.’”
“Oh, Billy!” groaned Bertram.
“But it’s so, Bertram,”
maintained Billy, anxiously. “And it’s
every bit here. I don’t have to guess at
it at all. They even give the quantities of calories
of energy required for different sized men. I’m
going to measure you both to-morrow; and you must
be weighed, too,” she continued, ignoring the
sniffs of remonstrance from her two listeners.
“Then I’ll know just how many calories
to give each of you. They say a man of average
size and weight, and sedentary occupation, should have
at least 2,000 calories and some authorities
say 3,000 in this proportion: proteins,
300 calories, fats, 350 calories, carbohydrates, 1,350
calories. But you both are taller than five feet
five inches, and I should think you weighed more than
145 pounds; so I can’t tell just yet how many
calories you will need.”
“How many we will need, indeed!” ejaculated
Bertram.
“But, my dear, you know I have
to have my eggs,” began Uncle William again,
in a worried voice.
“Of course you do, dear; and
you shall have them,” soothed Billy, brightly.
“It’s only that I’ll have to be careful
and balance up the other things for the day accordingly.
Don’t you see? Now listen. We’ll
see what eggs are.” She turned the leaves
rapidly. “Here’s the food table.
It’s lovely. It tells everything. I
never saw anything so wonderful. A b c d e here
we are. ’Eggs, scrambled or boiled, fats
and proteins, one egg, 100.’ If it’s
poached it’s only 50; but you like yours boiled,
so we’ll have to reckon on the 100. And
you always have two, so that means 200 calories in
fats and proteins. Now, don’t you see?
If you can’t have but 300 proteins and 350 fats
all day, and you’ve already eaten 200 in your
two eggs, that’ll leave just er 450
for all the rest of the day, of fats and
proteins, you understand. And you’ve no
idea how fast that’ll count up. Why, just
one serving of butter is 100 of fats, and eight almonds
is another, while a serving of lentils is 100 of proteins.
So you see how it’ll go.”
“Yes, I see,” murmured
Uncle William, casting a mournful glance about the
generously laden table, much as if he were bidding
farewell to a departing friend. “But if
I should want more to eat ” He stopped
helplessly, and Bertram’s aggrieved voice filled
the pause.
“Look here, Billy, if you think
I’m going to be measured for an egg and weighed
for an almond, you’re much mistaken; because
I’m not. I want to eat what I like, and
as much as I like, whether it’s six calories
or six thousand!”
Billy chuckled, but she raised her
hands in pretended shocked protest.
“Six thousand! Mercy!
Bertram, I don’t know what would happen if you
ate that quantity; but I’m sure you couldn’t
paint. You’d just have to saw wood and
dig ditches to use up all that vital energy.”
“Humph!” scoffed Bertram.
“Besides, this is for efficiency,”
went on Billy, with an earnest air. “This
man owns up that some may think a 2,000 calory ration
is altogether too small, and he advises such to begin
with 3,000 or even 3,500 graded, of course,
according to a man’s size, weight, and occupation.
But he says one famous man does splendid work on only
1,800 calories, and another on even 1,600. But
that is just a matter of chewing. Why, Bertram,
you have no idea what perfectly wonderful things chewing
does.”
“Yes, I’ve heard of that,”
grunted Bertram; “ten chews to a cherry, and
sixty to a spoonful of soup. There’s an
old metronome up-stairs that Cyril left. You
might bring it down and set it going on the table so
many ticks to a mouthful, I suppose. I reckon,
with an incentive like that to eat, just about two
calories would do me. Eh, William?”
“Bertram! Now you’re
only making fun,” chided Billy; “and when
it’s really serious, too. Now listen,”
she admonished, picking up the book again. “’If
a man consumes a large amount of meat, and very few
vegetables, his diet will be too rich in protein, and
too lacking in carbohydrates. On the other hand,
if he consumes great quantities of pastry, bread,
butter, and tea, his meals will furnish too much energy,
and not enough building material.’ There,
Bertram, don’t you see?”
“Oh, yes, I see,” teased
Bertram. “William, better eat what you can
to-night. I foresee it’s the last meal of
just food we’ll get for some time.
Hereafter we’ll have proteins, fats, and carbohydrates
made into calory croquettes, and ”
“Bertram!” scolded Billy.
But Bertram would not be silenced.
“Here, just let me take that
book,” he insisted, dragging the volume from
Billy’s reluctant fingers. “Now, William,
listen. Here’s your breakfast to-morrow
morning: strawberries, 100 calories; whole-wheat
bread, 75 calories; butter, 100 calories (no second
helping, mind you, or you’d ruin the balance
and something would topple); boiled eggs, 200 calories;
cocoa, 100 calories which all comes to 570
calories. Sounds like an English bill of fare
with a new kind of foreign money, but ’tisn’t,
really, you know. Now for luncheon you can have
tomato soup, 50 calories; potato salad that’s
cheap, only 30 calories, and ” But
Billy pulled the book away then, and in righteous
indignation carried it to the kitchen.
“You don’t deserve anything
to eat,” she declared with dignity, as she returned
to the dining-room.
“No?” queried Bertram,
his eyebrows uplifted. “Well, as near as
I can make out we aren’t going to get much.”
But Billy did not deign to answer this.
In spite of Bertram’s tormenting
gibes, Billy did, for some days, arrange her meals
in accordance with the wonderful table of food given
in “Correct Eating for Efficiency.”
To be sure, Bertram, whatever he found before him
during those days, anxiously asked whether he were
eating fats, proteins, or carbohydrates; and he worried
openly as to the possibility of his meal’s producing
one calory too much or too little, thus endangering
his “balance.”
Billy alternately laughed and scolded,
to the unvarying good nature of her husband.
As it happened, however, even this was not for long,
for Billy ran across a magazine article on food adulteration;
and this so filled her with terror lest, in the food
served, she were killing her family by slow poison,
that she forgot all about the proteins, fats, and
carbohydrates. Her talk these days was of formaldehyde,
benzoate of soda, and salicylic acid.
Very soon, too, Billy discovered an
exclusive Back Bay school for instruction in household
economics and domestic hygiene. Billy investigated
it at once, and was immediately aflame with enthusiasm.
She told Bertram that it taught everything, everything
she wanted to know; and forthwith she enrolled herself
as one of its most devoted pupils, in spite of her
husband’s protests that she knew enough, more
than enough, already. This school attendance,
to her consternation, Billy discovered took added
time; but in some way she contrived to find it to take.
And so the days passed. Eliza’s
mother, though better, was still too ill for her daughter
to leave her. Billy, as the warm weather approached,
began to look pale and thin. Billy, to tell the
truth, was working altogether too hard; but she would
not admit it, even to herself. At first the novelty
of the work, and her determination to conquer at all
costs, had given a fictitious strength to her endurance.
Now that the novelty had become accustomedness, and
the conquering a surety, Billy discovered that she
had a back that could ache, and limbs that, at times,
could almost refuse to move from weariness. There
was still, however, one spur that never failed to
urge her to fresh endeavor, and to make her, at least
temporarily, forget both ache and weariness; and that
was the comforting thought that now, certainly, even
Bertram himself must admit that she was tending to
her home and her husband.
As to Bertram Bertram,
it is true, had at first uttered frequent and vehement
protests against his wife’s absorption of both
mind and body in “that plaguy housework,”
as he termed it. But as the days passed, and
blessed order superseded chaos, peace followed discord,
and delicious, well-served meals took the place of
the horrors that had been called meals in the past,
he gradually accepted the change with tranquil satisfaction,
and forgot to question how it was brought about; though
he did still, sometimes, rebel because Billy was always
too tired, or too busy, to go out with him. Of
late, however, he had not done even this so frequently,
for a new “Face of a Girl” had possessed
his soul; and all his thoughts and most of his time
had gone to putting on canvas the vision of loveliness
that his mind’s eye saw.
By June fifteenth the picture was
finished. Bertram awoke then to his surroundings.
He found summer was upon him with no plans made for
its enjoyment. He found William had started West
for a two weeks’ business trip. But what
he did not find one day at least at first was
his wife, when he came home unexpectedly at four o’clock.
And Bertram especially wanted to find his wife that
day, for he had met three people whose words had disquieted
him not a little. First, Aunt Hannah. She
had said:
“Bertram, where is Billy?
She hasn’t been out to the Annex for a week;
and the last time she was there she looked sick.
I was real worried about her.”
Cyril had been next.
“Where’s Billy?”
he had asked abruptly. “Marie says she hasn’t
seen her for two weeks. Marie’s afraid
she’s sick. She says Billy didn’t
look well a bit, when she did see her.”
Calderwell had capped the climax. He had said:
“Great Scott, Henshaw, where
have you been keeping yourself? And where’s
your wife? Not one of us has caught more than
a glimpse of her for weeks. She hasn’t
sung with us, nor played for us, nor let us take her
anywhere for a month of Sundays. Even Miss Greggory
says she hasn’t seen much of her, and
that Billy always says she’s too busy to go
anywhere. But Miss Greggory says she looks pale
and thin, and that she thinks she’s worrying
too much over running the house. I hope she isn’t
sick!”
“Why, no, Billy isn’t
sick. Billy’s all right,” Bertram
had answered. He had spoken lightly, nonchalantly,
with an elaborate air of carelessness; but after he
had left Calderwell, he had turned his steps abruptly
and a little hastily toward home.
And he had not found Billy at
least, not at once. He had gone first down into
the kitchen and dining-room. He remembered then,
uneasily, that he had always looked for Billy in the
kitchen and dining-room, of late. To-day, however,
she was not there.
On the kitchen table Bertram did see
a book wide open, and, mechanically, he picked it
up. It was a much-thumbed cookbook, and it was
open where two once-blank pages bore his wife’s
handwriting. On the first page, under the printed
heading “Things to Remember,” he read
these sentences:
“That rice swells till every
dish in the house is full, and that spinach shrinks
till you can’t find it.
“That beets boil dry if you look out the window.
“That biscuits which look as
if they’d been mixed up with a rusty stove poker
haven’t really been so, but have only got too
much undissolved soda in them.”
There were other sentences, but Bertram’s
eyes chanced to fall on the opposite page where the
“Things to Remember” had been changed to
“Things to Forget”; and here Billy had
written just four words: “Burns,”
“cuts,” and “yesterday’s failures.”
Bertram dropped the book then with
a spasmodic clearing of his throat, and hurriedly
resumed his search. When he did find his wife,
at last, he gave a cry of dismay she was
on her own bed, huddled in a little heap, and shaking
with sobs.
“Billy! Why, Billy!” he gasped, striding
to the bedside.
Billy sat up at once, and hastily wiped her eyes.
“Oh, is it you, B-Bertram?
I didn’t hear you come in. You you
s-said you weren’t coming till six o’clock!”
she choked.
“Billy, what is the meaning of this?”
“N-nothing. I I guess I’m
just tired.”
“What have you been doing?”
Bertram spoke sternly, almost sharply. He was
wondering why he had not noticed before the little
hollows in his wife’s cheeks. “Billy,
what have you been doing?”
“Why, n-nothing extra, only
some sweeping, and cleaning out the refrigerator.”
“Sweeping! Cleaning! You!
I thought Mrs. Durgin did that.”
“She does. I mean she did.
But she couldn’t come. She broke her leg fell
off the stepladder where she was three days ago.
So I had to do it. And to-day, someway,
everything went wrong. I burned me, and I cut
me, and I used two sodas with not any cream of tartar,
and I should think I didn’t know anything, not
anything!” And down went Billy’s head
into the pillows again in another burst of sobs.
With gentle yet uncompromising determination,
Bertram gathered his wife into his arms and carried
her to the big chair. There, for a few minutes,
he soothed and petted her as if she were a tired child which,
indeed, she was.
“Billy, this thing has got to
stop,” he said then. There was a very inexorable
ring of decision in his voice.
“What thing?”
“This housework business.”
Billy sat up with a jerk.
“But, Bertram, it isn’t
fair. You can’t you mustn’t just
because of to-day! I can do it. I
have done it. I’ve done it days and days,
and it’s gone beautifully even if
they did say I couldn’t!”
“Couldn’t what?”
“Be an e-efficient housekeeper.”
“Who said you couldn’t?”
“Aunt Hannah and K-Kate.”
Bertram said a savage word under his breath.
“Holy smoke, Billy! I didn’t
marry you for a cook or a scrub-lady. If you
had to do it, that would be another matter,
of course; and if we did have to do it, we wouldn’t
have a big house like this for you to do it in.
But I didn’t marry for a cook, and I knew I wasn’t
getting one when I married you.”
Billy bridled into instant wrath.
“Well, I like that, Bertram
Henshaw! Can’t I cook? Haven’t
I proved that I can cook?”
Bertram laughed, and kissed the indignant
lips till they quivered into an unwilling smile.
“Bless your spunky little heart,
of course you have! But that doesn’t mean
that I want you to do it. You see, it so happens
that you can do other things, too; and I’d rather
you did those. Billy, you haven’t played
to me for a week, nor sung to me for a month.
You’re too tired every night to talk, or read
together, or go anywhere with me. I married for
companionship not cooking and sweeping!”
Billy shook her head stubbornly.
Her mouth settled into determined lines.
“That’s all very well
to say. You aren’t hungry now, Bertram.
But it’s different when you are, and they said
’twould be.”
“Humph! ‘They’ are Aunt Hannah
and Kate, I suppose.”
“Yes and the ‘Talk to Young
Wives.’”
“The w-what?”
Billy choked a little. She had
forgotten that Bertram did not know about the “Talk
to Young Wives.” She wished that she had
not mentioned the book, but now that she had, she
would make the best of it. She drew herself up
with dignity.
“It’s a book; a very nice
book. It says lots of things that have
come true.”
“Where is that book? Let me see it, please.”
With visible reluctance Billy got
down from her perch on Bertram’s knee, went
to her desk and brought back the book.
Bertram regarded it frowningly, so
frowningly that Billy hastened to its defense.
“And it’s true what
it says in there, and what Aunt Hannah and Kate said.
It is different when they’re hungry!
You said yourself if I’d tend to my husband
and my home a little more, and ”
Bertram looked up with unfeigned amazement.
“I said what?” he demanded.
In a voice shaken with emotion, Billy repeated the
fateful words.
“I never when did I say that?”
“The night Uncle William and I came home from Pete’s.”
For a moment Bertram stared dumbly;
then a shamed red swept to his forehead.
“Billy, did I say that?
I ought to be shot if I did. But, Billy, you
said you’d forgiven me!”
“I did, dear truly
I did; but, don’t you see? it was
true. I hadn’t tended to things.
So I’ve been doing it since.”
A sudden comprehension illuminated Bertram’s
face.
“Heavens, Billy! And is
that why you haven’t been anywhere, or done
anything? Is that why Calderwell said to-day that
you hadn’t been with them anywhere, and that Great
Scott, Billy! Did you think I was such a selfish
brute as that?”
“Oh, but when I was going with
them I was following the book I
thought,” quavered Billy; and hurriedly she turned
the leaves to a carefully marked passage. “It’s
there about the outside interests.
See? I was trying to brush up against
them, so that I wouldn’t interfere with your
Art. Then, when you accused me of gallivanting
off with ” But Bertram swept her
back into his arms, and not for some minutes could
Billy make a coherent speech again.
Then Bertram spoke.
“See here, Billy,” he
exploded, a little shakily, “if I could get you
off somewhere on a desert island, where there weren’t
any Aunt Hannahs or Kates, or Talks to Young Wives,
I think there’d be a chance to make you happy;
but ”
“Oh, but there was truth in
it,” interrupted Billy, sitting erect again.
“I didn’t know how to run a house,
and it was perfectly awful while we were having all
those dreadful maids, one after the other; and no woman
should be a wife who doesn’t know ”
“All right, all right, dear,”
interrupted Bertram, in his turn. “We’ll
concede that point, if you like. But you do
know now. You’ve got the efficient housewife
racket down pat even to the last calory your husband
should be fed; and I’ll warrant there isn’t
a Mary Ellen in Christendom who can find a spot of
ignorance on you as big as a pinhead! So we’ll
call that settled. What you need now is a good
rest; and you’re going to have it, too.
I’m going to have six Mary Ellens here to-morrow
morning. Six! Do you hear? And all
you’ve got to do is to get your gladdest rags
together for a trip to Europe with me next month.
Because we’re going. I shall get the tickets
to-morrow, after I send the six Mary Ellens
packing up here. Now come, put on your bonnet.
We’re going down town to dinner.”