Dear Kate:
I didn’t write you before cause
I wanted to be able to tell you what we are going
to do about the kid. Jim was up and we talked
it all over and I said I would take him. I don’t
want none of Jim’s friends to have him cause
he ain’t no good, Kate, and I have always told
you so. I made him promise if I take Billy that
he will leave him alone. I won’t have him
hanging around and I don’t want Billy to see
nothing more of him than he has to. I blame him
for all that has come to you. Before you married
him and got in with his crowd, you was on the level,
but it ain’t no use kicking now,
it is all done; only I want him to keep his hands off
Billy. There is a roomer on the floor below that
has got a little girl who will come in and kinda look
after Billy when I am out. I can take him out
for a walk every day and perhaps I can get him in one
of those kids’ schools for two or three hours
in the afternoon.
Jim brought him up at night, and he
was all sleepy and soft and warm and cuddled up to
me just like a little kitten. I never noticed
before how pretty he was, but I watched him as he
lay there with his red lips half open and his long
black lashes laying on his cheeks and his hair all
curling around his face, and I just could not go to
sleep for looking at him. He is too pale, I think.
Seems to me he ought to have more color in his cheeks.
I suppose it is cause he hasn’t had enough outdoor
exercise that babies should have. Roomers should
not have kids. It don’t seem just right
to shut a baby up in four walls when he would like
to run and play outside with other young things.
But I am going to do the best I can by him, so don’t
you worry, he will be all right.
Jim is pretty sore about you getting
pinched, and says he is going to leave town.
The crowd is kinda scared, and I think they are going
to scatter. Irene went to St. Louis the other
day, cause she said the cops are getting too familiar
with her face. I told the whole bunch what I
thought of them, and that they had better clear out.
Do you remember Jenny Kerns? She was that little
blond that use to clerk in Siegel’s store.
She has got the room right next to me, and say, she
is awful sick. I have been setting up nights
with her till I am dippy for want of sleep. I
think she is all in. I didn’t let her know
it, but I have sent for her mother. I snooped
around her place the other night till I found her
mother’s address, and I wrote her a letter telling
her just how Jenny was, and that some one orter come
and get her. Jenny would kill me if she knew
it, cause she don’t want her folks to know what
she is doing, but it seems too bad to have her die
here alone in a rotten little room on 28th Street
when she has got a mother, who, no matter what she
has done, would be glad to see her. Say what you
will Kate, girls that have got mothers have a darned
sight better chance than girls like you and me who
was brought up on the street, and when she gets sick
and lonely, no matter how tough she has been, if she
can reach out her hand and touch her mother, she can
sort of begin over again.
I have been learning a lot of the
new dances, and Fred Stillman and me took the prize
the other night for the best hesitation waltz.
I am going to try to get a job dancing in one of the
restaurants. I am tired working like a dog in
these cheap theatres, and I know I can dance as well
as any girl on Broadway. A crowd of us blew in
the other night at that big dance hall at 59th Street,
and everybody stopped to watch me and Fred. It kinda
makes you feel good to know you can do anything well,
if it is only tangoing, and I do love it! When
I get a good partner it seems to me I hear voices
calling, and the music ain’t made just by some
niggers in the corner, but it is just something speaking
to me and something inside of me answers and I forget
I am in a hall with a lot of people looking at me,
I am just a dancing by myself to the things I hear.
Jim says you have fixed it with a guard so as you can
get all the letters you want. I can’t slip
you over twenty dollars a month to save my soul.
That orter be able to fix him enough, but if it ain’t,
let me know, cause you know Kate, you can have every
dollar I make except just enough to keep the kid a
going, if it will make things easier for you.
Get me out a letter whenever you can. Remember
I am always thinking of you.
Nan.