He went up to Cambridge the next morning.
Term had not begun, but he went; a Robin with all
the briskness gone out of him, and if still with something
of the bird left only of a bird that is moulting.
His father was mildly surprised, but applauded the
apparent desire for solitary study. His mother
was violently surprised, and tried hard to get at
his true reasons. She saw with the piercing eye
of a relation that eye from which hardly
anything can ever be hidden that something
had happened and that the something was sobering and
unpleasant. She could not imagine what it was,
for she did not know he had been to Creeper Cottage
the night before and all the afternoon and at dinner
he had talked and behaved as usual. Now he did
not talk at all, and his behaviour was limited to
a hasty packing of portmanteaus. Determined to
question him she called him into the study just before
he started, and shut the door.
“I must go mater,” he
said, pulling out his watch; he had carefully avoided
her since breakfast though she had laid many traps
for him.
“Robin, I want to tell you that I think you
splendid.”
“Splendid? What on earth
for? You were telling me a very different sort
of thing a day or two ago.”
“I am sorry now for what I said on Sunday.”
“I don’t think a mother
ought ever to say she’s sorry,” said Robin
gloomily.
“Not if she is?”
“She oughtn’t to say so.”
“Well dear let us be friends.
Don’t go away angry with me. I do appreciate
you so much for going. You are my own dear boy.”
And she put her hands on his shoulders.
He took out his watch again. “I say, I
must be off.”
“Don’t suppose a mother doesn’t
see and understand.”
“Oh I don’t suppose anything. Good-bye
mater.”
“I think it so splendid of you
to go, to turn your back on temptation, to unwind
yourself from that wretched girl’s coils.”
“Coils?”
“My Robin” she
stroked his cheek, the same cheek, as it happened,
Priscilla had smitten “my Robin must
not throw himself away. I am ambitious where
you are concerned, my darling. It would have broken
my heart for you to have married a nobody perhaps
a worse than nobody.”
Robin, who was staring at her with
an indescribable expression on his face, took her
hands off his shoulders. “Look here mater,”
he said and he was seized by a desire to
laugh terrifically “there is nothing
in the world quite so amusing as the way people will
talk wisely of things they don’t in the faintest
degree understand. They seem to feel wise in
proportion to their ignorance. I expect you think
that’s a funny speech for me to make. I
can tell you I don’t think it half as funny
as yours was. Good-bye. I shall miss my train
you know if you keep me, and then I’d be exposed
again to those what was the word? ah, yes coils.
Coils!” He burst into loud laughter. “Good-bye
mater.”
She was staring at him blankly.
He hastily brushed her forehead with his moustache
and hurried to the door, his face full of strange mirth.
“I say,” he said, putting in his head again,
“there’s just one thing I’d like
to say.”
She made an eager step towards him.
“Do say it my darling say all that
is in your heart.”
“Oh it’s not much it’s
only God help poor Tuss.” And that was the
last of him. She heard him chuckling all down
the passage; but long before his fly had reached Ullerton
he had left off doing that and was moulting again.
It rained that day in Somersetshire,
a steady, hopeless rain that soaked many a leaf off
the trees before its time and made the year look suddenly
quite old. From the windows of Creeper Cottage
you could see the water running in rivulets down the
hill into the deserted village, and wreaths of mist
hanging about the downs beyond. The dripping
tombstone that blocked Priscilla’s window grew
danker and blacker as the day went by. The fires
in the cottage burnt badly, for the wood had somehow
got wet. The oilcloth and the wall-papers looked
very dismal in the grey daylight. Rain came in
underneath the two front doors and made puddles that
nobody wiped away.
Priscilla had got up very late, after
a night spent staring into the darkness, and then
had sent for Fritzing and told him what Robin had
done. The unhappy man’s horror will be easily
imagined. She was in bed the night before when
he came in, quite cured of her hunger and only wanting
to be alone with her wrath. Fritzing had found
no one in the parlour but Tussie clasping an immense
biscuit-tin in his arms, with a face so tragic that
Fritzing thought something terrible must have happened.
Tussie had returned joyfully, laden with biscuits and
sardines, to find the girl standing straight and speechless
by the table, her face rigid, her eyes ablaze.
She had not so much as glanced at the biscuits; she
had not said a single word; her look rested on him
a moment as though she did not see him and then she
went into the next room and upstairs to bed.
He knew she went upstairs to bed for in Creeper Cottage
you could hear everything.
Fritzing coming in a few minutes later
without the cook he had hoped to find, was glad enough
of Tussie’s sardines and biscuits they
were ginger biscuits and while he ate them,
abstractedly and together, Tussie looked on and wondered
in spite of his wretchedness what the combination
could possibly taste like. Then, after a late
breakfast on the Wednesday morning, Priscilla sent
for Fritzing and told him what Robin had done.
The burdened man, so full already of anxieties and
worries, was shattered by the blow. “I have
always held duelling in extreme contempt,” he
said when at last he could speak, “but now I
shall certainly fight.”
“Fight? You? Fritzi,
I’ve only told you because I I feel
so unprotected here and you must keep him off if he
ever tries to come again. But you shall not fight.
What, first he is to insult me and then hurt or kill
my Fritzi? Besides, nobody ever fights duels in
England.”
“That remains to be seen.
I shall now go to his house and insult him steadily
for half an hour. At the expiration of that time
he will probably be himself anxious to fight.
We might go to France
“Oh Fritzi don’t be so
dreadful. Don’t go to him leave
him alone nobody must ever know
“I shall now go and insult him,”
repeated Fritzing with an inflexibility that silenced
her.
And she saw him a minute later pass
her window under his umbrella, splashing indifferently
through all the puddles, battle and destruction in
his face.
Robin, however, was at Ullerton by
the time Fritzing got to the vicarage. He waved
the servant aside when she told him he had gone, and
insisted on penetrating into the presence of the young
man’s father. He waved Mrs. Morrison aside
too when she tried to substitute herself for the vicar,
and did at last by his stony persistency get into
the good man’s presence. Not until the vicar
himself told him that Robin had gone would Fritzing
believe it. “The villain has fled,”
he told Priscilla, coming back drenched in body but
unquenchable in spirit. “Your chastisement,
ma’am, was very effectual.”
“If he’s gone, then don’t
let us think about him any more.”
“Nay, ma’am, I now set
out for Cambridge. If I may not meet him fairly
in duel and have my chance of honourably removing him
from a world that has had enough of him, I would fain
in my turn box his ears.”
But Priscilla caught him by both arms.
“Why, Fritzi,” she cried, “he might
remove you and not you him and from a world
that hasn’t had nearly enough of you. Fritzi,
you cannot leave me. I won’t let you go.
I wish I had never told you. Don’t let us
talk of it ever again. It is hateful to me.
I I can’t bear it.” And
she looked into his face with something very like
tears in her eyes.
Of course Fritzing stayed. How
could he go away even for one hour, even in search
of a cook, when such dreadful things happened?
He was bowed down by the burden of his responsibilities.
He went into his sitting-room and spent the morning
striding up and down it between the street door and
the door into the kitchen, a stride and
a half one way, and a stride and a half back back
again, doing what all evildoers have to
do sooner or later, cudgelling his brains for a way
out of life’s complications: and every now
and then the terribleness of what had happened to
his Princess, his guarded Princess, his unapproachable
one, came over him with a fresh wave of horror and
he groaned aloud.
In the kitchen sat the Shuttleworth
kitchenmaid, a most accomplished young person, listening
to the groans and wondering what next. Tussie
had sent her, with fearful threats of what sort of
character she would get if she refused to go.
She had at once given notice, but had been forced
all the same to go, being driven over in a dog-cart
in the early morning rain by a groom who made laboured
pleasantries at her expense. She could cook very
well, almost as well as that great personage the Shuttleworth
cook, but she could only cook if there were things
to be cooked; and what she found at Creeper Cottage
was the rest of the ginger biscuits and sardines.
Well, I will not linger over that. Priscilla
did get breakfast somehow, the girl, after trying
vainly to strike sparks of helpfulness out of Annalise,
going to the store and ordering what was necessary.
Then she washed up, while Annalise tripped in and
out for the express purpose, so it seemed, of turning
up her nose; then she sat and waited and wondered what
next. For a long time she supposed somebody would
send for her to come and talk about luncheon; but
nobody did. She heard the ceaseless stridings
in the next room, and every now and then the groans.
The rain on the kitchen window did not patter more
ceaselessly than the footsteps strode up and down,
and the groans got very much on to the girl’s
nerves. At last she decided that no person who
was groaning like that would ever want to order luncheon,
and she had better go to the young lady. She
went out accordingly and knocked at Priscilla’s
door. Priscilla was in her chair by the fire,
lost in troublous thought. She looked vaguely
at the kitchenmaid for a moment, and then asked her
to go away. “I’m busy,” explained
Priscilla, whose hands were folded in her lap.
“Please miss, what do you wish for luncheon?”
“Who are you?”
“I’m the assistant
cook at the ’All, miss. Lady Shuttleworth’s
assistant cook. Sir Augustus desired me to cook
for you to-day.”
“Then please do it.”
“Yes miss. What do you wish for luncheon?”
“Nothing.”
“Yes miss. And the gentleman don’t
he want nothing neither?”
“He’ll probably tell you when he does.”
“Yes miss. It’s as
well to know a little beforehand, ain’t it, miss.
There’s nothing in the a-hem ’ouse,
and I suppose I’d have to buy something.”
“Please do.”
“Yes miss. Perhaps if you’d
tell me what the gentleman likes I could go out and
get it.”
“But I don’t know what
he likes. And wouldn’t you get wet?
Send somebody.”
“Yes miss. Who?”
Priscilla gazed at her a moment.
“Ah yes ” she said, “I
forgot. I’m afraid there isn’t anybody.
I think you had better ask my uncle what he wants,
and then if you would I’m very sorry
you should have such bad weather but if
you don’t mind, would you go and buy the things?”
“Yes miss.”
The girl went away, and Priscilla
began for the first time to consider the probability
of her having in the near future to think of and order
three meals every day of her life; and not only three
meals, but she dimly perceived there would be a multitude
of other dreary things to think of and order, their
linen, for instance, must be washed, and how did one
set about that? And would not Fritzing’s
buttons presently come off and have to be sewn on
again? His socks, when they went into holes,
could be thrown out of the window and new ones bought,
but even Priscilla saw that you could not throw a
whole coat out of a window because its buttons had
come off. There would, then, have to be some
mending done for Fritzing, and Annalise would certainly
not be the one to do it. Was the simple life
a sordid life as well? Did it only look simple
from outside and far away? And was it, close,
mere drudging? A fear came over her that her
soul, her precious soul, for whose sake she had dared
everything, instead of being able to spread its wings
in the light of a glorious clear life was going to
be choked out of existence by weeds just as completely
as at Kunitz.
The Shuttleworth kitchenmaid meanwhile,
who was not hindered at every turn by a regard for
her soul, made her way to Fritzing as she had been
told and inquired of him what she should cook for his
dinner. No man likes to be interrupted in his
groanings; and Fritzing, who was not hungry and was
startled by the sudden appearance of a stranger in
his room asking him intimate questions, a person of
whose presence in the cottage he had been unaware,
flew at her. “Woman, what have I to do
with you?” he cried, stopping in his walk and
confronting her with surprising fierceness. “Is
it seemly to burst in on a man like this? Have
you no decency? No respect for another’s
privacy? Begone, I command you begone!
Begone!” And he made the same movements with
his hands that persons do when they shoo away fowls
or other animals in flocks.
This was too much for the Shuttleworth
kitchenmaid. The obligations, she considered,
were all on the side of Creeper Cottage, and she retreated
in amazement and anger to the kitchen, put on her hat
and mackintosh, and at once departed, regardless of
the rain and the consequences, through two miles of
dripping lanes to Symford Hall. What would have
happened to her there if she had been discovered by
Tussie I do not know, but I imagine it would have been
something bad. She was saved, however, by his
being in bed, clutched by the throat by a violent
cold; and there he lay helpless, burning and shivering
and throbbing, the pains of his body increased a hundredfold
by the distraction of his mind about Priscilla.
Why, Tussie asked himself over and over again, had
she looked so strange the night before? Why had
she gone starving to bed? What was she doing to-day?
Was the kitchenmaid taking proper care of her?
Was she keeping warm and dry this shocking weather?
Had she slept comfortably the first night in her little
home? Poor Tussie. It is a grievous thing
to love any one too much; a grievous, wasteful, paralyzing
thing; a tumbling of the universe out of focus, a
bringing of the whole world down to the mean level
of one desire, a shutting out of wider, more beautiful
feelings, a wrapping of one’s self in a thick
garment of selfishness, outside which all the dear,
tender, modest, everyday affections and friendships,
the wholesome, ordinary loves, the precious loves of
use and wont, are left to shiver and grow cold.
Tussie’s mother sat outside growing very cold
indeed. Her heart was stricken within her.
She, most orderly of women, did not in the least mind,
so occupied was she with deeper cares, that her household
was in rebellion, her cook who had been with her practically
all her life leaving because she had been commanded
by Tussie, before he had to fall back on the kitchenmaid,
to proceed forthwith to Creeper Cottage and stay there
indefinitely; her kitchenmaid, also a valued functionary,
leaving; Bryce, Tussie’s servant who took such
care of him and was so clever in sickness, gone suddenly
in his indignation at having to go at all, all
these things no longer mattered. Nor did it matter
that the coming of age festivities were thrown into
hopeless confusion by Tussie’s illness, that
the guests must all be telegraphed to and put off,
that the whole village would be aghast at such a disappointment,
that all her plans and preparations had been wasted.
As the first day and night of illness dragged slowly
past she grew to be nothing but one great ache of
yearning over her sick boy, a most soul-rending yearning
to do what she knew was for ever impossible, to put
her arms so close round him, so close, so carefully,
so tenderly, that nothing, no evil, no pain, could
get through that clasp of love to hurt him any more.
“Why don’t you take better
care of your only son?” said the doctor grimly
after he had seen Tussie that evening, who by that
time was in a very pitiable condition.
Lady Shuttleworth stared at him, wide-eyed
and speechless.
“It’s absurd, you know,
to let him get into this state. I’ve often
warned you. He can’t be allowed to play
ducks and drakes with himself like other young men.
He’s got no strength to fall back upon.
I consider you are directly responsible for this illness.
Why do you let him go out at night this time of year?
Why do you let him over-exert himself? I suppose,”
said the doctor, who had brought Tussie into the world
and was as brutal as he was clever, besides being
at that moment extremely angry, “I suppose you
want to lose him, eh?”
How could she explain to him what
she knew to be true, that the one person responsible
for Tussie’s illness was Priscilla? She
therefore only stared, wide-eyed and speechless; and
indeed her heart was very nearly broken.