Memory tinged with homesickness tricked
him into a sad reverie. That they were only memories,
these thoughts that rose up to slyly capture his attention,
was clear. He was under no illusion that he was
experiencing for the first time events that had long
melted into the past, for they had a common-place
familiarity that stamped them as scenes revisited,
events relived, dear friends recalled to mind.
He stood alone at the edge of a meadow
with the afternoon sun hot on his back and debated
with Andra the advisability of transplanting a certain
shrub from its chance-chosen place in the meadow to
a position in their own gardens. Throughout their
discussion he was conscious of little drops of perspiration
threading their way down his naked spine, and he longingly
savored the coolness of the stream-bank on which Andra
reclined, a mile or two to the south.
In good-humored exasperation he commented
enviously on woman’s lot and drew a dry rejoinder
from a chance traveler on the highway to the north.
He joined in the general laugh at his own expense,
hearing the sally repeated and elaborated until it
drifted out of conversational range. He was tempted
to follow it farther out of curiosity, but it was not
good form to blanket local conversation for a mere
whim. While his attention was distracted, however,
Andra became involved in an exchange of local recipes
with a newcomer to the district, a farm-wife whose
husband had had a fancy to try the westward farm lands.
He joined the husband in a wry grimace at the loquacity
of women, and simultaneously caught sight of a distant
figure crossing a ridge somewhat north of him.
The figure paused at the same instant, looked searchingly
in his direction, then waved on sighting him and strolled
on. It was the traveler whose quip was now being
repeated miles away, far in advance of him. Andra
showed no sign of running out of recipes and returning
to shrubs. He sighed, and stood alone in the
meadow....
The casual facility of memory bridged
time and space without disorientation. He was
strolling in the evening with his bride, Andra’s
arm linked with his for the added pleasure of physical
contact. In the manner of lovers they supplemented
their thoughts with murmured words and sounds, thus
sharing still another physical intimacy, for they were
still in that newly-mated condition where every manifestation
of the one was a source of delight and wonder to the
other.
They paused momentarily by a vine-covered
wall and he felt a cool frond reach out to caress
his shoulder while a long tendril curled gracefully
about his forearm between the upper and the lower wrists.
A few hundred-thousand years ago his remote ancestor
would have recoiled violently from the touch of what
was then a strangler vine, but now he casually disengaged
the half-sentient tendril and with his mind caught
the faint, faint flicker of rudimentary awareness;
thus far had nature progressed with the vine, apparently
reluctant to abandon a false start toward mobility
and intelligence for an unsuitable species. Or
perhaps, Andra added, in nature’s long-term
view the experiment might still be considered promising.
He shook his head.
The vine had learned peaceful ways
that saved it from extinction, drawing its food quietly
from the earth while further developing a mobility
of sorts, but eventually an impasse would be reached
when greater mobility would endanger nutrition.
If the roots withdrew from the soil, the vine would
die unless, he agreed slowly, echoing her
shudder, the vine solved the dilemma by becoming again
a carnivorous strangler. Nature made unaccountable
blunders and sometimes found strange remedies, turning
a blessing for one species into a curse for others....
On the same impulse they gazed at
the night sky blazing with the heart of the galaxy
spread around them, a galaxy as yet less than half
mapped, only a small fraction of its secrets known.
Like many new-mates they planned a leisurely, lengthy
quest among the stars, a trip for which their mutual
absorption peculiarly fitted them. After all,
the advancement of knowledge still required physical
and intellectual research and the joy of living still
demanded physical and emotional release, but there
was one great barrier to space-travel.
Leaving the great community of Challon
ordinarily meant leaving an intensely experienced
fellowship to endure a shattering isolation no less
intensely felt, unless one were fortunate enough to
be chosen for an exploration team. There was
both comfort and common sense in the use of teams
of the greatest numerical strength consistent with
efficiency, but the resources demanded by such teams
limited the number that could be fielded at one time.
Consequently, private voyages in small craft were
not entirely uncommon among the hardy or
the temporarily self-sufficient, such as he and Andra.
In a few days they would leave Challon behind, break
for the first time the half-spiritual link with all
their world, and voyage forth in the belief that their
love for each other was alone enough to sustain them.
At the same instant the same doubt
of self-worthiness crept into each mind and was read
and stoutly answered by the other, while a dozen neighbors
near and distant interrupted their own concerns to
murmur encouragement and recall the doubts they, too,
had felt and learned to dismiss. Reassured he
led Andra back to the house, scarcely aware of the
background bustle of other minds busy with other matters nor,
in fact, greatly caring at that moment that others
existed. The manner of love may change, but not
the manners of lovers.
Memory surged after memory on waves
of nostalgia and homesickness that told their own
story of why the memories had been long buried.
Challon had fallen away behind them and the strangeness
of the cleavage from their fellows had dismayed them.
In and around the spaceport center, a multitude of
the fellows they were never to see again had paused
long enough in their own affairs to mesh thoughts
in a final projection of encouragement that reached
after the dwindling ship like a gesture of farewell.
A long, long farewell. A final
farewell, unrecognized for the last parting that it
was.
They had known from the experience
of others that the first terrible silence would be
a hard thing to endure until the strangeness wore off.
At first they huddled like two children, driving their
thoughts far into unanswering space in desperate disbelief
that such utter silence could be. Repelled by
space, they turned to each other and found more complete
union than they had thought possible. From the
depth of their union they found the strength and growth
and maturity to adapt, to endure, and to survive.
The fear passed. The worst was over.
Planetfall succeeded planetfall and
the routine of their activities became smooth and
practiced. As was the custom, they had been asked
to obtain various items of information from sundry
known but largely unexplored planets to help determine
whether a later visit by a full-scale exploration
team would be advisable. In one system they made
a rapid instrumental survey of the only major continent
on the only inhabitable planet, from a height of a
hundred miles. In another, a skimming prospecting
trip in a certain area confirmed a predicted rich
ore body. And at all times, of course particularly
when they left the known systems behind and entered
virgin territory there was the Challonari
to be trained and observed.
The Challonari a part-organic,
artificial brain was one of the most promising
recent developments of Challon science. It was
also one of the most debatable, for the Challonari
was capable of independent thought in its limited
fashion and yet had been devised solely as an instrument,
a tool. It had no freedom of action, no physical
independence, but it had childlike emotions and this
was the damnable thing a sense of identity
and awareness of its creators as such. Thus the
moral issue was raised. To the Challon, the control
or coercion of an independent intelligence was a cardinal
outrage. No greater sanctity existed than the
sanctity of the individual, for anything that prejudiced
or restricted the right of the individual to full
mastery of himself was worse even than the deliberate
taking of life. It was murder of the ego.
In a telepathic society, life itself could not be
more precious than self-control.
The combined growth and manufacture
of the Challonari had been stopped in horror when
it was realized that their capabilities were greater
than anticipated. An organic tool had not been
created, but rather a ... what? When does a tool
become an entity? If it is an entity, what right
have its makers to control it and use it as a tool?
What right have they to the thorniest issue
of all destroy it or otherwise put it aside
when it is no longer required? Until these fundamental
issues could be settled, the handful of Challonari
in existence must be cared for, trained and observed
as if they were backward children.
The main function of the Challonari
on such a voyage as this was to safeguard the ship
and its immediate vicinity when on strange worlds.
This it accomplished by a swift, simplified appraisal
of the offensive capacities of any life form coming
within its limited range. If their natural weapons claws,
size, poison, fangs rendered them potentially
dangerous should the Mentor leave the ship, then the
Challonari projected into their minds a simple disinterest
in the environs of the ship, a reluctance to approach
closer. If this failed, the reluctance impulse
became tinged with fear, the intensity of the fear
increasing until the desired retreat occurred.
If the approaching unknown was of
sufficient intelligence to identify the disinterest-reluctance-fear
impulse as a telepathic warning, then no further effort
was made to turn it back, much less to hurl it back
by force. That would have been unthinkable.
An intelligent entity approaching the vessel would
be welcomed and requested to identify itself, while
notice of its approach would be delivered to the Challon
Mentor. Stranger and Challon would then inevitably
join in friendly greeting, for hostile suspicion was
unknown among minds that lay open one to the other.
Among the handful of known life forms of sufficient
intelligence to possess highly organized communications,
no exception to this natural rule existed. A
meeting of minds was a meeting of friends.
Memory flinched, wavered, then flowed
on into previously forbidden areas. The long
outward voyage approached its turning point, its disaster
point. He did not know how or why it had happened.
Perhaps in their mutual absorption he and Andra became
careless. They had entered a planetary system,
he recalled, and he had casually manipulated the controls.
His perceptive faculties detected a tiny spurt of flame
somewhere out of sight in the control bank, then the
potent engines reacted out of control for a critical
instant near planetary mass. The swift restoration
of control only eased the crash, the automatics taking
over a fraction too late after the fragile living tissue
was smashed against the walls.
The return of consciousness told him
at once that he was in the presence of death.
Lying paralyzed and helpless in a pool of his own fluids,
he could see the jelly that had been Andra. He
quietly resigned himself to the death that might yet
take days to come. It would be welcome.
An interregnum of shock followed in
which his normal faculties were unseated, but with
the passage of time he roused himself a little.
Weakened as he was, his perception told him that the
ship had buried itself deep in a swamp until it rested
on bedrock. A dozen feet of muck and water lay
over it. Even had they survived the crash they
would have been helpless unless intelligent aid could
be enlisted. He tried to drive out his thoughts
in a cry for help, but the strength was gone from
him. Within a radius of two miles there was no
intelligent life, if any existed on the planet.
More from habit than for any other
reason, he awakened the Challonari. It had survived
the crash unharmed in its carefully cushioned immobility,
unaware that anything had transpired between the last
planetfall and this one. It immediately perceived
that one of the Mentors had gone, but before it could
ask questions it was sternly directed to concentrate
its attention on the environs of the vessel.
Having thus distracted it from the presence of death,
he sank back gratefully into a stasis of no-thought.
Let time pass. It would bring succor or death,
and he could do nothing more to hasten either one.
The Challonari roused him from his
stupor on the third day after the crash. It was
disturbed, excited by something beyond its comprehension.
While he had lain helpless and shriveling on a compartment
floor something unusual had approached to within half
a mile of the ship through the thick swamp vegetation.
The life form had apparently detected the first tendrils
of thought from the Challonari and without preamble,
as a natural defense, erected a savage mental shield.
Pain and chaos that made coherent thinking difficult
shook the artificial brain, but since this evidently
was not an intelligent life form, else it would not
have reacted in such a manner, the Challonari increased
in intensity its fear-reluctance impulse. The
mental shielding of the intruder blazed and crackled
with increasing dissonance, radiating pain, fear and
panic, but no decipherable intelligent thought.
It drew nearer, erratically, apparently running, then
swiftly lapsed into unconsciousness. That was
when the bewildered Challonari had called him for aid.
He reached out wearily with his mind
in automatic response, touched and hastily withdrew.
Even when unconscious the strange being had an aura
of discordance about its mind. He would have shivered
had he still been capable of physical reaction, for
this was Unsanity, a thing he had heard of but never
before encountered. The Challonari caught his
protective thought and withdrew from contact, though
not without a soft protest, for it was inquisitive
as any child. It, too, had heard of unsanity.
Rare stresses or injuries now and again temporarily
upset the balance of the mind and required the healing
touch of other minds. But unsanity was not something
the Challonari could handle. It withdrew from
possible infection, protestingly, fearful for its beloved
Mentor but incapable of disobeying a clear command.
His own great pity for the sick creature
outside conquered the inertia of approaching death
and he rallied what mental forces he still retained.
He could not disregard suffering nor withhold whatever
aid it was in his power to give. Carefully, knowing
something of what to expect, he probed the shield
which was no true shield but an uproar of faulty coordination
comparable to the disruptions coming from a badly
tuned radio. Wincing, as a musician winces when
harsh, grating dissonance strikes his ear, he gingerly
probed deeper and deeper, exploring this strange and
fascinating structure that was unlike anything he
had ever experienced. It was an extraordinary
complexity that spread before him a maze,
a labyrinth, a magnificent corruption of order and
reason.
His first discovery he half expected. This was a mind of an
intelligence level not far beneath his own, though fearfully hobbled by
misconceptions, superstitions, half-truths and fallacies. Life had
brutally mishandled and shackled life
had? It was an adult of its species. How
could its condition have existed undetected for so
long? He extended his explorations, and suddenly
the incredible truth lay revealed.
The dominant species on this planet
was that theoretically possible but logically improbable
mistake of nature, a race of intelligent nontelepaths!
Fantastic as it was, there was no
room for doubt. He was glad he had ordered the
Challonari to withdraw from contact. To accept
the existence of such beings required a flexibility
under shock, an adaptability of reasoning, that the
limited Challonari could never rise to. It was
like a blow at the structure of the universe, but
it raised a fascinating, age-old problem what
possible means of adequate communication could they
have?
Excited despite the great discomfort
of maintaining contact with this mind, he extended
his explorations in search of the answer. A growing
suspicion was quickly confirmed beyond question, explaining
at once the sickening deformities of the wasted mind
and the enigma of the alternative means of communication.
There simply was no adequate communication! From
that, all else stemmed. Each of these creatures,
these he searched for the term these
“Man” as they called themselves, was an
island, an isolation of ego in a flood of dark fears
that began lapping about them in early childhood and
never ceased to rise. And this, by its own conception,
was a “normal” specimen! It had “matured”
in a thoroughly competitive society instead of the
completely cooeperative society of the Challon.
It had never really known or understood its own true
nature, much less that of its fellows. It had
never truly known security, serenity, freedom, or peace.
The eternal wonder was that it had progressed at all.
Deeper and deeper he explored, tracing
and classifying, filled with awe. The incredible
creature knew little or nothing of its own nervous
system and would not have been aware of loss if the
most essential portion of its brain had been surgically
removed! Its life span was only a small fraction
of what it should have been since, in its ignorance,
it failed to repair itself as it had the innate ability
to do. And yet, what an unbelievable treasury
lay locked and sealed here. Only long study could
render this infinite honeycomb intelligible, even to
a Challon. Nothing like this had ever been known.
Mingled horror and profoundest admiration
grew at what he found, but the creature began to awaken.
With a deft skill he planted a suggestion, then hastily
withdrew from contact before the impossible discord
of mental cacophony became unbearable. The creature
rose, wondering at its previous panic, and moved away
from the vicinity of the vessel that now, above all
else, it must never discover.
That was the first problem to be faced.
By learning what he had, the heaviest
duty and the greatest moral obligation his race had
ever borne was laid upon him. The last secret
of these “Man” made effective action imperative.
Although he him self was crushed beyond hope of survival,
somehow his new knowledge and all that it implied
must survive.
Unobtrusive, physical reduction of
the ship to completely unrecognizable debris might
have to be accomplished eventually, but it certainly
was not immediately possible. However, perception
told him that the heavy vessel was already hidden
beneath silt and stagnant water. It would be
safe for a while from accidental discovery. The
Challonari was self-sustaining and could survive untended
for years, if necessary, serving to keep the area
clear of wild life that might draw hunters of the
dominant species dangerously near.
There remained, then, the problem
of providing a substitute for his own personal survival.
Here, the prospect seemed hopeless. The requirements
were a continuance of understanding, together with
both the will and the ability to act as necessary.
Theoretically, he could have forcefully taken possession
of the body and mind of any suitable subject, but the
mere thought of such a violation was impossibly abhorrent.
Respect for the right of the individual to self-will
was so deeply ingrained as to make the deliberate
unseating of another’s reason virtually impossible.
On the other hand, free-willed cooeperation and understanding
were equally out of reach; to enter the conscious
mind of these beings was agony for both parties.
They could neither project nor receive thoughts.
Ebbing vitality and the increased
urgency of the problem drove him to a desperate resource.
A pregnant female came within the extreme range of
his perception. An embryo mind might serve!
The mind, as yet unsullied, sleeping, a blank page
untouched by the world, was open to him. If the
appropriate knowledge was seeded in its memory banks
it might it must remain
sane despite the world, and a sane mind would not dispute
what must be done.
He made a quick evaluation of the
subject mind and discovered the flaw. The intelligence
potential was too low. The embryo would not be
capable of understanding the planted memories as they
came to the conscious level, nor be capable of acting
on them if they were understood. Time was ebbing
fast, and vitality with it. Very well, then, the
most desperate, the most questionable resource of
all remained. The unused, unrecognized prime
center, true seat of the intellect, must be activated
the way nature presumably had intended that it should
be, had not something gone wrong in the dawn years
of the planet.
There could be no moral objection to this measure if successful, since it
amounted to giving sight to a blind man. The element of grave doubt lay in
the relative chances of success or failure. The strange, interlocking
structure of the unconscious mind of the embryo was not something that could be
unraveled and examined in a hurry. Honesty compelled him to evaluate
himself as young and inexperienced, not especially noted among his own kind for
brilliantly incisive judgment. It was not the sort of thing that he should
even attempt without long study. It was too risky, too indecisive, too
Time made the decision. There
was no time left. The chill of death told its
own story. In an agony of haste he summoned all
that remained of vitality and fought off Death while
he entered the embryo mind.
The fast-shriveling body in the spaceship
retained life long enough to recognize the blunder,
but not long enough to correct it. The wrong was
done, and could not be undone.
The memories that mercifully blurred
became clear again. He knew that in due course
the mishandled embryo experienced birth, entering the
world normally as a helpless, feebly squirming, pathetically
vulnerable mite, and in no way drew unusual attention
to itself. No one knew, or cared, that intellectual
awakening was phenomenally quick, the first tentative
questionings occurring in only the fourth week of life.
He recalled how the stirring of objective awareness
brought with it a half-remembered pang of death, and
how the stirring of innocent wonder brought memories.
The memory banks flooded open at the touch of wonder,
poured out their contents, and the fledgling ego went
down before the surge, overwhelmed forever.
Inexperienced in such delicate maneuvers
and overtaken at the crises by the climactic unseating
of Death, he had poured into the empty memory banks
the whole contents of his own mind. All his knowledge,
all his experiences, all his memories on every level
of incidents great and small. Everything.
Including the complex and ineradicable concept of
his own identity.