i
Six o’clock was striking.
The darkness by Westminster Bridge was intense; and
as the tramcar turned the corner from the Embankment
Jenny craned to look at the thickly running water
below. The glistening of reflected lights which
spotted the surface of the Thames gave its rapid current
an air of such mysterious and especially sinister power
that she was for an instant aware of almost uncontrollable
terror. She could feel her heart beating, yet
she could not withdraw her gaze. It was nothing:
no danger threatened Jenny but the danger of uneventful
life; and her sense of sudden yielding to unknown
force was the merest fancy, to be quickly forgotten
when the occasion had passed. None the less, for
that instant her dread was breathless. It was
the fear of one who walks in a wood, at an inexplicable
rustle. The darkness and the sense of moving
water continued to fascinate her, and she slightly
shuddered, not at a thought, but at the sensation
of the moment. At last she closed her eyes, still,
however, to see mirrored as in some visual memory the
picture she was trying to ignore. In a faint panic,
hardly conscious to her fear, she stared at her neighbour’s
newspaper, spelling out the headings to some of the
paragraphs, until the need of such protection was
past.
As the car proceeded over the bridge,
grinding its way through the still rolling echoes
of the striking hour, it seemed part of an endless
succession of such cars, all alike crowded with homeward-bound
passengers, and all, to the curious mind, resembling
ships that pass very slowly at night from safe harbourage
to the unfathomable elements of the open sea.
It was such a cold still night that the sliding windows
of the car were almost closed, and the atmosphere of
the covered upper deck was heavy with tobacco smoke.
It was so dark that one could not see beyond the fringes
of the lamplight upon the bridge. The moon was
in its last quarter, and would not rise for several
hours; and while the glitter of the city lay behind,
and the sky was greyed with light from below, the
surrounding blackness spread creeping fingers of night
in every shadow.
The man sitting beside Jenny continued
to puff steadfastly at his pipe, lost in the news,
holding mechanically in his further hand the return
ticket which would presently be snatched by the hurrying
tram-conductor. He was a shabby middle-aged clerk
with a thin beard, and so he had not the least interest
for Jenny, whose eye was caught by other beauties
than those of assiduous labour. She had not even
to look at him to be quite sure that he did not matter
to her. Almost, Jenny did not care whether he
had glanced sideways at herself or not. She presently
gave a quiet sigh of relief as at length the river
was left behind and the curious nervous tension no
more lasting than she might have felt at seeing a
man balancing upon a high window-sill was
relaxed. She breathed more deeply, perhaps, for
a few instants; and then, quite naturally, she looked
at her reflection in the sliding glass. That hat,
as she could see in the first sure speedless survey,
had got the droops. “See about you!”
she said silently and threateningly, jerking her head.
The hat trembled at the motion, and was thereafter
ignored. Stealthily Jenny went back to her own
reflection in the window, catching the clearly-chiselled
profile of her face, bereft in the dark mirror of all
its colour. She could see her nose and chin quite
white, and her lips as part of the general colourless
gloom. A little white brooch at her neck stood
boldly out; and that was all that could be seen with
any clearness, as the light was not directly overhead.
Her eyes were quite lost, apparently, in deep shadows.
Yet she could not resist the delight of continuing
narrowly to examine herself. The face she saw
was hardly recognisable as her own; but it was bewitchingly
pale, a study in black and white, the kind of face
which, in a man, would at once have drawn her attention
and stimulated her curiosity. She had longed to
be pale, but the pallor she was achieving by millinery
work in a stuffy room was not the marble whiteness
which she had desired. Only in the sliding window
could she see her face ideally transfigured. There
it had the brooding dimness of strange poetic romance.
You couldn’t know about that girl, she thought.
You’d want to know about her. You’d
wonder all the time about her, as though she had a
secret.... The reflection became curiously distorted.
Jenny was smiling to herself.
As soon as the tramcar had passed
the bridge, lighted windows above the shops broke
the magic mirror and gave Jenny a new interest, until,
as they went onward, a shopping district, ablaze with
colour, crowded with loitering people, and alive with
din, turned all thoughts from herself into one absorbed
contemplation of what was beneath her eyes. So
absorbed was she, indeed, that the conductor had to
prod her shoulder with his two fingers before he could
recover her ticket and exchange it for another. “’Arf
asleep, some people!” he grumbled, shoving aside
the projecting arms and elbows which prevented his
free passage between the seats. “Feyuss
please!” Jenny shrugged her shoulder, which seemed
as though it had been irritated at the conductor’s
touch. It felt quite bruised. “Silly
old fool!” she thought, with a brusque glance.
Then she went silently back to the contemplation of
all the life that gathered upon the muddy and glistening
pavements below.
ii
In a few minutes they were past the
shops and once again in darkness, grinding along,
pitching from end to end, the driver’s bell clanging
every minute to warn carts and people off the tramlines.
Once, with an awful thunderous grating of the brakes,
the car was pulled up, and everybody tried to see
what had provoked the sense of accident. There
was a little shouting, and Jenny, staring hard into
the roadway, thought she could see as its cause a
small girl pushing a perambulator loaded with bundles
of washing. Her first impulse was pity “Poor
little thing”; but the words were hardly in
her mind before they were chased away by a faint indignation
at the child for getting in the tram’s way.
Everybody ought to look where they were going. Ev-ry bo-dy ought to look where they were go-ing,
said the pitching tramcar. Ev-ry bo-dy....
Oh, sickening! Jenny looked at her neighbour’s
paper her refuge. “Striking
speech,” she read. Whose? What did
it matter? Talk, talk.... Why didn’t
they do something? What were they to do?
The tram pitched to the refrain of a comic song:
“Actions speak louder than words!” That
kid who was wheeling the perambulator full of washing....
Jenny’s attention drifted away like the speech
of one who yawns, and she looked again at her reflection.
The girl in the sliding glass wouldn’t say much.
She’d think the more. She’d say,
when Sir Herbert pressed for his answer, “My
thoughts are my own, Sir Herbert Mainwaring.”
What was it the girl in One of the Best said?
“You may command an army of soldiers; but you
cannot still the beating of a woman’s heart!”
Silly fool, she was. Jenny had felt the tears
in her eyes, burning, and her throat very dry, when
the words had been spoken in the play; but Jenny at
the theatre and Jenny here and now were different
persons. Different? Why, there were fifty
Jennys. But the shrewd, romantic, honest, true
Jenny was behind them all, not stupid, not sentimental,
bold as a lion, destructively experienced in hardship
and endurance, very quick indeed to single out and
wither humbug that was within her range of knowledge,
but innocent as a child before any other sort of humbug
whatsoever. That was why she could now sneer
at the stage-heroine, and could play with the mysterious
beauties of her own reflection; but it was why she
could also be led into quick indignation by something
read in a newspaper.
Tum-ty tum-ty tum-ty tum, said the
tram. There were some more shops. There
were straggling shops and full-blazing rows of shops.
There were stalls along the side of the road, women
dancing to an organ outside a public-house. Shops,
shops, houses, houses, houses ... light, darkness....
Jenny gathered her skirt. This was where she got
down. One glance at the tragic lady of the mirror,
one glance at the rising smoke that went to join the
general cloud; and she was upon the iron-shod stairs
of the car and into the greasy roadway. Then darkness,
as she turned along beside a big building into the
side streets among rows and rows of the small houses
of Kennington Park.
iii
It was painfully dark in these side
streets. The lamps drew beams such a short distance
that they were as useless as the hidden stars.
Only down each street one saw mild spots starting
out of the gloom, fascinating in their regularity,
like shining beads set at prepared intervals in a body
of jet. The houses were all in darkness, because
evening meals were laid in the kitchens: the
front rooms were all kept for Sunday use, excepting
when the Emeralds and Edwins and Geralds and Dorises
were practising upon their mothers’ pianos.
Then you could hear a din! But not now. Now
all was as quiet as night, and even doors were not
slammed. Jenny crossed the street and turned
a corner. On the corner itself was a small chandler’s
shop, with “Magnificent Tea, per 2/- lb.”;
“Excellent Tea, per 1/8d. lb”; “Good
Tea, per 1/4d. lb.” advertised in great bills
upon its windows above a huge collection of unlikely
goods gathered together like a happy family in its
tarnished abode. Jenny passed the dully-lighted
shop, and turned in at her own gate. In a moment
she was inside the house, sniffing at the warm odour-laden
air within doors. Her mouth drew down at the
corners. Stew to-night! An amused gleam,
lost upon the dowdy passage, fled across her bright
eyes. Emmy wouldn’t have thanked her for
that! Emmy sick to death herself of
the smell of cooking would have slammed
down the pot in despairing rage.
In the kitchen a table was laid; and
Emmy stretched her head back to peer from the scullery,
where she was busy at the gas stove. She did not
say a word. Jenny also was speechless; and went
as if without thinking to the kitchen cupboard.
The table was only half-laid as usual; but that fact
did not make her action the more palatable to Emmy.
Emmy, who was older than Jenny by a mysterious period diminished
by herself, but kept at its normal term of three years
by Jenny, except in moments of some heat, when it
grew for purposes of retort, was also less
effective in many ways, such as in appearance and
in adroitness; and Jenny comprised in herself, as
it were, the good looks of the family. Emmy was
the housekeeper, who looked after Pa Blanchard; Jenny
was the roving blade who augmented Pa’s pension
by her own fluctuating wages. That was another
slight barrier between the sisters. Nevertheless,
Emmy was quite generous enough, and was long-suffering,
so that her resentment took the general form of silences
and secret broodings upon their different fortunes.
There was a great deal to be said about this difference,
and the saying grew more and more remote from explicit
utterance as thought of it ground into Emmy’s
mind through long hours and days and weeks of solitude.
Pa could not hear anything besides the banging of pots,
and he was too used to sudden noises to take any notice
of such a thing; but the pots themselves, occasionally
dented in savage dashes against each other or against
the taps, might have heard vicious apostrophes if they
had listened intently to Emmy’s ejaculations.
As it was, with the endurance of pots, they mutely
bore their scars and waited dumbly for superannuation.
And every bruise stood to Emmy when she renewed acquaintance
with it as mark of yet another grievance against Jenny.
For Jenny enjoyed the liberties of this life while
Emmy stayed at home. Jenny sported while Emmy
was engaged upon the hideous routine of kitchen affairs,
and upon the nursing of a comparatively helpless old
man who could do hardly anything at all for himself.
Pa was in his bedroom, the
back room on the ground-floor, chosen because he could
not walk up the stairs, but must have as little trouble
in self-conveyance as possible, staggeringly
making his toilet for the meal to come, sitting patiently
in front of his dressing-table by the light of a solitary
candle. He would appear in due course, when he
was fetched. He had been a strong man, a runner
and cricketer in his youth, and rather obstreperously
disposed; but that time was past, and his strength
for such pursuits was as dead as the wife who had suffered
because of its vagaries. He could no longer disappear
on the Saturdays, as he had been used to do in the
old days. His chair in the kitchen, the horse-hair
sofa in the sitting-room, the bed in the bedroom, were
the only changes he now had from one day’s end
to another. Emmy and Jenny, pledges of a real
but not very delicate affection, were all that remained
to call up the sorrowful thoughts of his old love,
and those old times of virility, when Pa and his strength
and his rough boisterousness had been the delight
of perhaps a dozen regular companions. He sometimes
looked at the two girls with a passionless scrutiny,
as though he were trying to remember something buried
in ancient neglect; and his eyes would thereafter,
perhaps at the mere sense of helplessness, fill slowly
with tears, until Emmy, smothering her own rough sympathy,
would dab Pa’s eyes with a harsh handkerchief
and would rebuke him for his decay. Those were
hard moments in the Blanchard home, for the two girls
had grown almost manlike in abhorrence of tears, and
with this masculine distaste had arisen a corresponding
feeling of powerlessness in face of emotion which they
could not share. It was as though Pa had become
something like an old and beloved dog, unable to speak,
pitied and despised, yet claiming by his very dumbness
something that they could only give by means of pats
and half-bullying kindness. At such times it
was Jenny who left her place at the table and popped
a morsel of food into Pa’s mouth; but it was
Emmy who best understood the bitterness of his soul.
It was Emmy, therefore, who would snap at her sister
and bid her get on with her own food; while Pa Blanchard
made trembling scrapes with his knife and fork until
the mood passed. But then it was Emmy who was
most with Pa; it was Emmy who hated him in the middle
of her love because he stood to her as the living
symbol of her daily inescapable servitude in this household.
Jenny could never have felt that she would like to
kill Pa. Emmy sometimes felt that. She at
times, when he had been provoking or obtuse, so shook
with hysterical anger, born of the inevitable days
in his society and in the kitchen, that she could
have thrown at him the battered pot which she carried,
or could have pushed him passionately against the
mantelpiece in her fierce hatred of his helplessness
and his occasional perverse stupidity. He was
rarely stupid with Jenny, but giggled at her teasing.
Jenny was taller than Emmy by several
inches. She was tall and thin and dark, with
an air of something like impudent bravado that made
her expression sometimes a little wicked. Her
nose was long and straight, almost sharp-pointed;
her face too thin to be a perfect oval. Her eyes
were wide open, and so full of power to show feeling
that they seemed constantly alive with changing and
mocking lights and shadows. If she had been stouter
the excellent shape of her body, now almost too thick
in the waist, would have been emphasised. Happiness
and comfort, a decrease in physical as in mental restlessness,
would have made her more than ordinarily beautiful.
As it was she drew the eye at once, as though she
challenged a conflict of will: and her movements
were so swift and eager, so little clumsy or jerking,
that Jenny had a carriage to command admiration.
The resemblance between the sisters was ordinarily
not noticeable. It would have needed a photograph because
photographs, besides flattening the features, also
in some manner “compose” and distinguish
them to reveal the likenesses in shape,
in shadow, even in outline, which were momentarily
obscured by the natural differences of colouring and
expression. Emmy was less dark, more temperamentally
unadventurous, stouter, and possessed of more colour.
She was twenty-eight or possibly twenty-nine, and
her mouth was rather too hard for pleasantness.
It was not peevish, but the lips were set as though
she had endured much. Her eyes, also, were hard;
although if she cried one saw her face soften remarkably
into the semblance of that of a little girl.
From an involuntary defiance her expression changed
to something really pathetic. One could not help
loving her then, not with the free give and take of
happy affection, but with a shamed hope that nobody
could read the conflict of sympathy and contempt which
made one’s love frigid and self-conscious.
Jenny rarely cried: her cheeks reddened and her
eyes grew full of tears; but she did not cry.
Her tongue was too ready and her brain too quick for
that. Also, she kept her temper from flooding
over into the self-abandonment of angry weeping and
vituperation. Perhaps it was that she had too
much pride or that in general she saw life
with too much self-complacency, or that she was not
in the habit of yielding to disappointment. It
may have been that Jenny belonged to that class of
persons who are called, self-sufficient. She
plunged through a crisis with her own zest, meeting
attack with counter-attack, keeping her head, surveying
with the instinctive irreverence and self-protective
wariness of the London urchin the possibilities and
swaying fortunes of the fight. Emmy, so much slower,
so much less self-reliant, had no refuge but in scolding
that grew shriller and more shrill until it ended
in violent weeping, a withdrawal from the field entirely
abject. She was not a born fighter. She was
harder on the surface, but weaker in powers below the
surface. Her long solitudes had made her build
up grievances, and devastating thoughts, had given
her a thousand bitter things to fling into the conflict;
but they had not strengthened her character, and she
could not stand the strain of prolonged argument.
Sooner or later she would abandon everything, exhausted,
and beaten into impotence. She could bear more,
endure more, than Jenny; she could bear much, so that
the story of her life might be read as one long scene
of endurance of things which Jenny would have struggled
madly to overcome or to escape. But having borne
for so long, she could fight only like a cat, her head
as it were turned aside, her fur upon end, stealthily
moving paw by paw, always keeping her front to the
foe, but seeking for escape until the pride
perilously supporting her temper gave way and she dissolved
into incoherence and quivering sobs.
It might have been said roughly that
Jenny more closely resembled her father, whose temperament
in her care-free, happy-go-lucky way she understood
very well (better than Emmy did), and that while she
carried into her affairs a necessarily more delicate
refinement than his she had still the dare-devil spirit
that Pa’s friends had so much admired. She
had more humour than Emmy more power to
laugh, to be detached, to be indifferent. Emmy
had no such power. She could laugh; but she could
only laugh seriously, or at obviously funny things.
Otherwise, she felt everything too much. As Jenny
would have said, she “couldn’t take a
joke.” It made her angry, or puzzled, to
be laughed at. Jenny laughed back, and tried
to score a point in return, not always scrupulously.
Emmy put a check on her tongue. She was sometimes
virtuously silent. Jenny rarely put a check on
her tongue. She sometimes let it say perfectly
outrageous things, and was surprised at the consequences.
For her it was enough that she had not meant to hurt.
She sometimes hurt very much. She frequently
hurt Emmy to the quick, darting in one of her sure
careless stabs that shattered Emmy’s self-control.
So while they loved each other, Jenny also despised
Emmy, while Emmy in return hated and was jealous of
Jenny, even to the point of actively wishing in moments
of furtive and shamefaced savageness to harm her.
That was the outward difference between the sisters
in time of stress. Of their inner, truer, selves
it would be more rash to speak, for in times of peace
Jenny had innumerable insights and emotions that would
be forever unknown to the elder girl. The sense
of rivalry, however, was acute: it coloured every
moment of their domestic life, unwinking and incessant.
When Emmy came from the scullery into the kitchen bearing
her precious dish of stew, and when Jenny, standing
up, was measured against her, this rivalry could have
been seen by any skilled observer. It rayed and
forked about them as lightning might have done about
two adjacent trees. Emmy put down her dish.
“Fetch Pa, will you!”
she said briefly. One could see who gave orders
in the kitchen.
iv
Jenny found her father in his bedroom,
sitting before the dressing-table upon which a tall
candle stood in an equally tall candlestick. He
was looking intently at his reflection in the looking-glass,
as one who encounters and examines a stranger.
In the glass his face looked red and ugly, and the
tossed grey hair and heavy beard were made to appear
startlingly unkempt. His mouth was open, and his
eyes shaded by lowered lids. In a rather trembling
voice he addressed Jenny upon her entrance.
“Is supper ready?” he asked. “I
heard you come in.”
“Yes, Pa,” said Jenny.
“Aren’t you going to brush your hair?
Got a fancy for it like that, have you? My!
What a man! With his shirt unbuttoned and his
tie out. Come here! Let’s have a look
at you!” Although her words were unkind, her
tone was not, and as she rectified his omissions and
put her arm round him Jenny gave her father a light
hug. “All right, are you? Been a good
boy?”
“Yes ... a good boy....”
he feebly and waveringly responded. “What’s
the noos to-night, Jenny?”
Jenny considered. It made her
frown, so concentrated was her effort to remember.
“Well, somebody’s made
a speech,” she volunteered. “They
can all do that, can’t they! And somebody’s
paid five hundred pounds transfer for Jack Sutherdon
... is it Barnsley or Burnley?... And oh,
a fire at Southwark.... Just the usual sort of
news, Pa. No murders....”
“Ah, they don’t have the
murders they used to have,” grumbled the old
man.
“That’s the police, Pa.” Jenny
wanted to reassure him.
“I don’t know how it is,”
he trembled, stiffening his body and rising from the
chair.
“Perhaps they hush ’em
up!” That was a shock to him. He could not
move until the notion had sunk into his head.
“Or perhaps people are more careful....
Don’t get leaving themselves about like they
used to.”
Pa Blanchard had no suggestion.
Such perilous ideas, so frequently started by Jenny
for his mystification, joggled together in his brain
and made there the subject of a thousand ruminations.
They tantalised Pa’s slowly revolving thoughts,
and kept these moving through long hours of silence.
Such notions preserved his interest in the world, and
his senile belief in Magic, as nothing else could
have done.
Together, their pace suited to his
step, the two moved slowly to the door. It took
a long time to make the short journey, though Jenny
supported her father on the one side and he used a
stick in his right hand. In the passage he waited
while she blew out his candle; and then they went
forward to the meal. At the approach Pa’s
eyes opened wider, and luminously glowed.
“Is there dumplings?”
he quivered, seeming to tremble with excitement.
“One for you, Pa!” cried
Emmy from the kitchen. Pa gave a small chuckle
of joy. His progress was accelerated. They
reached the table, and Emmy took his right arm for
the descent into a substantial chair. Upon Pa’s
plate glistened a fair dumpling, a glorious mountain
of paste amid the wreckage of meat and gravy.
“And now, perhaps,” Emmy went on, smoothing
back from her forehead a little streamer of hair, “you’ll
close the door, Jenny....”
It was closed with a bang that made
Pa jump and Emmy look savagely up.
“Sorry!” cried Jenny.
“How’s that dumpling, Pa?” She sat
recklessly at the table.
v
To look at the three of them sitting
there munching away was a sight not altogether pleasing.
Pa’s veins stood out from his forehead, and the
two girls devoted themselves to the food as if they
needed it. There was none of the airy talk that
goes on in the houses of the rich while maids or menservants
come respectfully to right or left of the diners with
decanters or dishes. Here the food was the thing,
and there was no speech. Sometimes Pa’s
eyes rolled, sometimes Emmy glanced up with unconscious
malevolence at Jenny, sometimes Jenny almost winked
at the lithograph portrait of Edward the Seventh (as
Prince of Wales) which hung over the mantelpiece above
the one-and-tenpenny-ha’penny clock that ticked
away so busily there. Something had happened long
ago to Edward the Seventh, and he had a stain across
his Field Marshal’s uniform. Something
had happened also to the clock, which lay upon its
side, as if kicking in a death agony. Something
had happened to almost everything in the kitchen.
Even the plates on the dresser, and the cups and saucers
that hung or stood upon the shelves, bore the noble
scars of service. Every time Emmy turned her
glance upon a damaged plate, as sharp as a stalactite,
she had the thought: “Jenny’s doing.”
Every time she looked at the convulsive clock Emmy
said to herself: “That was Miss Jenny’s
cleverness when she chucked the cosy at Alf.”
And when Emmy said in this reflective silence of animosity
the name “Alf” she drew a deep breath
and looked straight up at Jenny with inscrutable eyes
of pain.
vi
The stew being finished, Emmy collected
the plates, and retired once again to the scullery.
Now did Jenny show afresh that curiosity whose first
flush had been so ill-satisfied by the meat course.
When, however, Emmy reappeared with that most domestic
of sweets, a bread pudding, Jenny’s face fell
once more; for of all dishes she most abominated bread
pudding. Under her breath she adversely commented.
“Oh lor!” she whispered. “Stew
and b.p. What a life!”
Emmy, not hearing, but second sighted
on such matters, shot a malevolent glance from her
place. In an awful voice, intended to be a trifle
arch, she addressed her father.
“Bready butter pudding, Pa?”
she inquired. The old man whinnied with delight,
and Emmy was appeased. She had one satisfied client,
at any rate. She cut into the pudding with a
knife, producing wedges with a dexterous hand.
“Hey ho!” observed Jenny
to herself, tastelessly beginning the work of laborious
demolition.
“Jenny thinks it’s common.
She ought to have the job of getting the meals!”
cried Emmy, bitterly, obliquely attacking her sister
by talking at her. “Something to talk about
then!” she sneered with chagrin, up in arms
at a criticism.
“Well, the truth is,”
drawled Jenny.... “If you want it ...
I don’t like bread pudding.” Somehow
she had never said that before, in all the years;
but it seemed to her that bread pudding was like ashes
in the mouth. It was like duty, or funerals,
or ... stew.
“The stuff’s got
to be finished up!” flared Emmy defiantly, with
a sense of being adjudged inferior because she had
dutifully habituated herself to the appreciation of
bread pudding. “You might think of that!
What else am I to do?”
“That’s just it, old girl.
Just why I don’t like it. I just hate
to feel I’m finishing it up. Same with
stew. I know it’s been something else first.
It’s not fresh. Same old thing, week
in, week out. Finishing up the scraps!”
“Proud stomach!” A quick
flush came into Emmy’s cheeks; and tears started
to her eyes.
“Perhaps it is. Oh, but
Em! Don’t you feel like that yourself....
Sometimes? O-o-h!...” She drawled the
word wearily. “Oh for a bit more money!
Then we could give stew to the cat’s-meat man
and bread to old Thompson’s chickens. And
then we could have nice things to eat. Nice birds
and pastry ... and trifle, and ices, and wine....
Not all this muck!”
“Muck!” cried Emmy, her
lips seeming to thicken. “When I’m
so hot.... And sick of it all! You go
out; you do just exactly what you like.... And
then you come home and....” She began to
gulp. “What about me?”
“Well, it’s just as bad
for both of us!” Jenny did not think so really;
but she said it. She thought Emmy had the bread
and butter pudding nature, and that she did not greatly
care what she ate as long as it was not too fattening.
Jenny thought of Emmy as born for housework and cooking of
stew and bread puddings. For herself she had dreamed
a nobler destiny, a destiny of romance, of delicious
unknown things, romantic and indescribably exciting.
She was to have the adventures, because she needed
them. Emmy didn’t need them. It was
all very well for Emmy to say “What about me!”
It was no business of hers what happened to Emmy.
They were different. Still, she repeated more
confidently because there had been no immediate retort:
“Well, it’s just as bad for both of us!
Just as bad!”
“’Tisn’t! You’re out
all day doing what you like!”
“Oh!” Jenny’s eyes
opened with theatrical wideness at such a perversion
of the facts. “Doing what I like! The
millinery!”
“You are! You don’t
have to do all the scraping to make things go round,
like I have to. No, you don’t! Here
have I ... been in this ... place, slaving! Hour
after hour! I wish you’d try and
manage better. I bet you’d be thankful
to finish up the scraps some way any old
way! I’d like to see you do what
I do!”
Momentarily Jenny’s picture
of Emmy’s nature (drawn accommodatingly by herself
in order that her own might be differentiated and exalted
by any comparison) was shattered. Emmy’s
vehemence had thus the temporary effect of creating
a fresh reality out of a common idealisation of circumstance.
The legend would re-form later, perhaps, and would
continue so to re-form as persuasion flowed back upon
Jenny’s egotism, until it crystallised hard
and became unchallengeable; but at any rate for this
instant Jenny had had a glimmer of insight into that
tamer discontent and rebelliousness that encroached
like a canker upon Emmy’s originally sweet nature.
The shock of impact with unpleasant conviction made
Jenny hasten to dissemble her real belief in Emmy’s
born inferiority. Her note was changed from one
of complaint into one of persuasive entreaty.
“It’s not that. It’s
not that. Not at all. But wouldn’t
you like a change from stew and bread pudding yourself?
Sometimes, I mean. You seem to like it
all right.” At that ill-considered suggestion,
made with unintentional savageness, Jenny so worked
upon herself that her own colour rose high. Her
temper became suddenly unmanageable. “You
talk about me being out!” she breathlessly exclaimed.
“When do I go out? When! Tell me!”
“O-o-h! I like that!
What about going to the pictures with Alf Rylett?”
Emmy’s hands were, jerking upon the table in
her anger. “You’re always out with
him!”
“Me? Well I never! I’m not.
When
They were interrupted unexpectedly by a feeble and
jubilant voice.
“More bready butter pudding!”
said Pa Blanchard, tipping his plate to show that
he had finished.
“Yes, Pa!” For the moment
Emmy was distracted from her feud. In a mechanical
way, as mothers sometimes, deep in conversation, attend
to their children’s needs, she put another wedge
of pudding upon the plate. “Well, I say
you are,” she resumed in the same strained
voice. “And tell me when I go out!
I go out shopping. That’s all. But
for that, I’m in the house day and night.
You don’t care tuppence about Alf you
wouldn’t, not if he was walking the soles off
his boots to come to you. You never think about
him. He’s like dirt, to you. Yet you
go out with him time after time....” Her
lips as she broke off were pursed into a trembling
unhappy pout, sure forerunner of tears. Her voice
was weak with feeling. The memory of lonely evenings
surged into her mind, evenings when Jenny was out
with Alf, while she, the drudge, stayed at home with
Pa, until she was desperate with the sense of unutterable
wrong. “Time after time, you go.”
“Sorry, I’m sure!”
flung back Jenny, fairly in the fray, too quick not
to read the plain message of Emmy’s tone and
expression, too cruel to relinquish the sudden advantage.
“I never guessed you wanted him. I wouldn’t
have done it for worlds. You never said,
you know!” Satirically, she concluded, with
a studiously careful accent, which she used when she
wanted to indicate scorn or innuendo, “I’m
sorry. I ought to have asked if I might!”
Then, with a dash into grimmer satire: “Why
doesn’t he ask you to go with him? Funny
his asking me, isn’t it?”
Emmy grew violently crimson.
Her voice had a roughness in it. She was mortally
wounded.
“Anybody’d know you were a lady!”
she said warmly.
“They’re welcome!”
retorted Jenny. Her eyes flashed, glittering in
the paltry gaslight. “He’s never
... Emmy, I didn’t know you were such a
silly little fool. Fancy going on like that ...
about a man like him. At your age!”
Vehement glances flashed between them.
All Emmy’s jealousy was in her face, clear as
day. Jenny drew a sharp breath. Then, obstinately,
she closed her lips, looking for a moment like the
girl in the sliding window, inscrutable. Emmy,
also recovering herself, spoke again, trying to steady
her voice.
“It’s not what you think.
But I can’t bear to see you ... playing about
with him. It’s not fair. He thinks
you mean it. You don’t!”
“Course I don’t.
I don’t mean anything. A fellow like that!”
Jenny laughed a little, woundingly.
“What’s the matter with
him?” Savagely, Emmy betrayed herself again.
She was trembling from head to foot, her mind blundering
hither and thither for help against a quicker-witted
foe. “It’s only you he’s
not good enough for,” she said passionately.
“What’s the matter with him?”
Jenny considered, her pale face now
deadly white, all the heat gone from her cheeks, though
the hard glitter remained in her eyes, cruelly indicating
the hunger within her bosom.
“Oh, he’s all right in
his way,” she drawlingly admitted. “He’s
clean. That’s in his favour. But he’s
quiet ... he’s got no devil in him. Sort
of man who tells you what he likes for breakfast.
I only go with him ... well, you know why, as well
as I do. He’s all right enough, as far
as he goes. But he’s never on for a bit
of fun. That’s it: he’s got
no devil in him. I don’t like that kind.
Prefer the other sort.”
During this speech Emmy had kept back
bitter interruptions by an unparalleled effort.
It had seemed as though her fury had flickered, blazing
and dying away as thought and feeling struggled together
for mastery. At the end of it, however, and at
Jenny’s declared preference for men of devil,
Emmy’s face hardened.
“You be careful, my girl,”
she prophesied with a warning glance of anger.
“If that’s the kind you’re after.
Take care you’re not left!”
“Oh, I can take care,”
Jenny said, with cold nonchalance. “Trust
me!”
vii
Later, when they were both in the
chilly scullery, washing up the supper dishes, they
were again constrained. Somehow when they were
alone together they could not quarrel: it needed
the presence of Pa Blanchard to stimulate them to
retort. In his rambling silences they found the
spur for their unkind eloquence, and too often Pa was
used as a stalking-horse for their angers. He
could hardly hear, and could not follow the talk;
but by directing a remark to him, so that it cannoned
off at the other, each obtained satisfaction for the
rivalry that endured from day to day between them.
Their hungry hearts, all the latent bitternesses in
their natures, yearning for expression, found it in
his presence. But alone, whatever their angers,
they were generally silent. It may have been
that their love was strong, or that their courage
failed, or that the energy required for conflict was
not aroused. That they deeply loved one another
was sure; there was rivalry, jealousy, irritation
between them, but it did not affect their love.
The jealousy was a part of their general discontent a
jealousy that would grow more intense as each remained
frustrate and unhappy. Neither understood the
forces at work within herself; each saw these perversely
illustrated in the other’s faults. In each
case the cause of unhappiness was unsatisfied love,
unsatisfied craving for love. It was more acute
in Emmy’s case, because she was older and because
the love she needed was under her eyes being wasted
upon Jenny if it were love, and not that
mixture of admiration and desire with self-esteem that
goes to make the common formula to which the name
of love is generally attached. Jenny could not
be jealous of Emmy as Emmy was jealous of Jenny.
She had no cause; Emmy was not her rival. Jenny’s
rival was life itself, as will be shown hereafter:
she had her own pain.
It was thus only natural that the
two girls, having pushed Pa’s chair to the side
of the kitchen fire, and having loaded and set light
to Pa’s pipe, should work together in silence
for a few minutes, clearing the table and washing
the supper dishes. They were distant, both aggrieved;
Emmy with labouring breath and a sense of bitter animosity,
Jenny with the curled lip of one triumphant who does
not need her triumph and would abandon it at the first
move of forgiveness. They could not speak.
The work was done, and Emmy was rinsing the washing
basin, before Jenny could bring herself to say awkwardly
what she had in her mind.
“Em,” she began.
“I didn’t know you ... you know.”
A silence. Emmy continued to swirl the water
round with the small washing-mop, her face averted.
Jenny’s lip stiffened. She made another
attempt, to be the last, restraining her irritation
with a great effort. “If you like I won’t
... I won’t go out with him any more.”
“Oh, you needn’t worry,”
Emmy doggedly said, with her teeth almost clenched.
“I’m not worrying about it.”
She tried then to keep silent; but the words were
forced from her wounded heart. With uncontrollable
sarcasm she said: “It’s very good
of you, I’m sure!”
“Em!” It was coaxing.
Jenny went nearer. Still there was no reply.
“Em ... don’t be a silly cat. If he’d
only ask you to go once or twice. He’d
always want to. You needn’t worry about
me being ... See, I like somebody else another
fellow. He’s on a ship. Nowhere near
here. I only go with Alf because ... well, after
all, he’s a man; and they’re scarce.
Suppose I leave off going with him....”
Both knew she had nothing but kind
intention, as in fact the betrayal of her own secret
proved; but as Jenny could not keep out of her voice
the slightest tinge of complacent pity, so Emmy could
not accept anything so intolerable as pity.
“Thanks,” she said in
perfunctory refusal; “but you can do what you
like. Just what you like.” She was
implacable. She was drying the basin, her face
hidden. “I’m not going to take your
leavings.” At that her voice quivered and
had again that thread of roughness in it which had
been there earlier. “Not likely!”
“Well, I can’t help it,
can I!” cried Jenny, out of patience. “If
he likes me best. If he won’t come
to you. I mean, if I say I won’t go out
with him will that put him on to you or
send him off altogether? Em, do be sensible.
Really, I never knew. Never dreamt of it.
I’ve never wanted him. It’s not as
though he’d whistled and I’d gone trotting
after him. Em! You get so ratty about
“Superior!” cried Emmy,
gaspingly. “Look down on me!” She
was for an instant hysterical, speaking loudly and
weepingly. Then she was close against Jenny;
and they were holding each other tightly, while Emmy’s
dreadful quiet sobs shook both of them to the heart.
And Jenny, above her sister’s shoulder, could
see through the window the darkness that lay without;
and her eyes grew tender at an unbidden thought, which
made her try to force herself to see through the darkness,
as though she were sending a speechless message to
the unknown. Then, feeling Emmy still sobbing
in her arms, she looked down, laying her face against
her sister’s face. A little contemptuous
smile appeared in her eyes, and her brow furrowed.
Well, Emmy could cry. She couldn’t.
She didn’t want to cry. She wanted to go
out in the darkness that so pleasantly enwrapped the
earth, back to the stir and glitter of life somewhere
beyond. Abruptly Jenny sighed. Her vision
had been far different from this scene. It had
carried her over land and sea right into an unexplored
realm where there was wild laughter and noise, where
hearts broke tragically and women in the hour of ruin
turned triumphant eyes to the glory of life, and where
blinding streaming lights and scintillating colours
made everything seem different, made it seem romantic,
rapturous, indescribable. From that vision back
to the cupboard-like house in Kennington Park, and
stodgy Alf Rylett, and supper of stew and bread and
butter pudding, and Pa, and this little sobbing figure
in her arms, was an incongruous flight. It made
Jenny’s mouth twist in a smile so painful that
it was almost a grimace.
“Oh lor!” she said again,
under her breath, as she had said it earlier. “What
a life!”