Julius to Raphael.
I have been looking over my papers
this morning. Among them I have found a lost
memorandum written down in those happy hours when I
was inspired with a proud enthusiasm. But on
looking over it how different seem all the things
treated of! My former views look like the gloomy
boarding of a playhouse when the lights have been
removed. My heart sought a philosophy, and imagination
substituted her dreams. I took the warmest for
the truest coloring.
I seek for the laws of spirits-I
soar up to the infinite, but I forget to prove that
they really exist. A bold attack of materialism
overthrows my creation.
You will read through this fragment,
my dear Raphael. Would that you could succeed
in kindling once again the extinct flames of my enthusiasm,
to reconcile me again to my genius! but my pride has
sunk so low that even Raphael’s friendly hand
can hardly raise me up again.