In all ages it hath been a favorite
text that a potent love hath the nature of an
isolated fatality, whereto the mind’s opinions
and wonted resolves are altogether alien; as,
for example, Daphnis his frenzy, wherein it had
little availed him to have been convinced of Heraclitus
his doctrine; or the philtre-bred passion of Tristan,
who, though he had been as deep as Duns Scotus,
would have had his reasoning marred by that cup
too much; or Romeo in his sudden taking for Juliet,
wherein any objections he might have held against
Ptolemy had made little difference to his discourse
under the balcony. Yet all love is not such,
even though potent; nay, this passion hath as large
scope as any for allying itself with every operation
of the soul: so that it shall acknowledge
an effect from the imagined light of unproven firmaments,
and have its scale set to the grander orbits of what
hath been and shall be.
Deronda, on his return to town, could
assure Sir Hugo of his having lodged in Grandcourt’s
mind a distinct understanding that he could get fifty
thousand pounds by giving up a prospect which was probably
distant, and not absolutely certain; but he had no
further sign of Grandcourt’s disposition in
the matter than that he was evidently inclined to
keep up friendly communications.
“And what did you think of the
future bride on a nearer survey?” said Sir Hugo.
“I thought better of her than
I did in Leubronn. Roulette was not a good setting
for her; it brought out something of the demon.
At Diplow she seemed much more womanly and attractive less
hard and self-possessed. I thought her mouth
and eyes had quite a different expression.”
“Don’t flirt with her
too much, Dan,” said Sir Hugo, meaning to be
agreeably playful. “If you make Grandcourt
savage when they come to the Abbey at Christmas, it
will interfere with my affairs.”
“I can stay in town, sir.”
“No, no. Lady Mallinger
and the children can’t do without you at Christmas.
Only don’t make mischief unless you
can get up a duel, and manage to shoot Grandcourt,
which might be worth a little inconvenience.”
“I don’t think you ever
saw me flirt,” said Deronda, not amused.
“Oh, haven’t I, though?”
said Sir Hugo, provokingly. “You are always
looking tenderly at the women, and talking to them
in a Jesuitical way. You are a dangerous young
fellow a kind of Lovelace who will make
the Clarissas run after you instead of you running
after them.”
What was the use of being exasperated
at a tasteless joke? only the exasperation
comes before the reflection on utility. Few friendly
remarks are more annoying than the information that
we are always seeming to do what we never mean to
do. Sir Hugo’s notion of flirting, it was
to be hoped, was rather peculiar; for his own part,
Deronda was sure that he had never flirted. But
he was glad that the baronet had no knowledge about
the repurchase of Gwendolen’s necklace to feed
his taste for this kind of rallying.
He would be on his guard in future;
for example, in his behavior at Mrs. Meyrick’s,
where he was about to pay his first visit since his
arrival from Leubronn. For Mirah was certainly
a creature in whom it was difficult not to show a
tender kind of interest both by looks and speech.
Mrs. Meyrick had not failed to send
Deronda a report of Mirah’s well-being in her
family. “We are getting fonder of her every
day,” she had written. “At breakfast-time
we all look toward the door with expectation to see
her come in; and we watch her and listen to her as
if she were a native from a new country. I have
not heard a word from her lips that gives me a doubt
about her. She is quite contented and full of
gratitude. My daughters are learning from her,
and they hope to get her other pupils; for she is
anxious not to eat the bread of idleness, but to work,
like my girls. Mab says our life has become like
a fairy tale, and all she is afraid of is that Mirah
will turn into a nightingale again and fly away from
us. Her voice is just perfect: not loud
and strong, but searching and melting, like the thoughts
of what has been. That is the way old people
like me feel a beautiful voice.”
But Mrs. Meyrick did not enter into
particulars which would have required her to say that
Amy and Mab, who had accompanied Mirah to the synagogue,
found the Jewish faith less reconcilable with their
wishes in her case than in that of Scott’s Rebecca.
They kept silence out of delicacy to Mirah, with whom
her religion was too tender a subject to be touched
lightly; but after a while Amy, who was much of a practical
reformer, could not restrain a question.
“Excuse me, Mirah, but does
it seem quite right to you that the women should sit
behind rails in a gallery apart?”
“Yes, I never thought of anything
else,” said Mirah, with mild surprise.
“And you like better to see
the men with their hats on?” said Mab, cautiously
proposing the smallest item of difference.
“Oh, yes. I like what I
have always seen there, because it brings back to
me the same feelings the feelings I would
not part with for anything else in the world.”
After this, any criticism, whether
of doctrine or practice, would have seemed to these
generous little people an inhospitable cruelty.
Mirah’s religion was of one fibre with her affections,
and had never presented itself to her as a set of
propositions.
“She says herself she is a very
bad Jewess, and does not half know her people’s
religion,” said Amy, when Mirah was gone to bed.
“Perhaps it would gradually melt away from her,
and she would pass into Christianity like the rest
of the world, if she got to love us very much, and
never found her mother. It is so strange to be
of the Jews’ religion now.”
“Oh, oh, oh!” cried Mab.
“I wish I were not such a hideous Christian.
How can an ugly Christian, who is always dropping her
work, convert a beautiful Jewess, who has not a fault?”
“It may be wicked of me,”
said shrewd Kate, “but I cannot help wishing
that her mother may not be found. There might
be something unpleasant.”
“I don’t think it, my
dear,” said Mrs. Meyrick. “I believe
Mirah is cut out after the pattern of her mother.
And what a joy it would be to her to have such a daughter
brought back again! But a mother’s feelings
are not worth reckoning, I suppose” (she shot
a mischievous glance at her own daughters), “and
a dead mother is worth more that a living one?”
“Well, and so she may be, little
mother,” said Kate; “but we would rather
hold you cheaper, and have you alive.”
Not only the Meyricks, whose various
knowledge had been acquired by the irregular foraging
to which clever girls have usually been reduced, but
Deronda himself, with all his masculine instruction,
had been roused by this apparition of Mirah to the
consciousness of knowing hardly anything about modern
Judaism or the inner Jewish history. The Chosen
People have been commonly treated as a people chosen
for the sake of somebody else; and their thinking
as something (no matter exactly what) that ought to
have been entirely otherwise; and Deronda, like his
neighbors, had regarded Judaism as a sort of eccentric
fossilized form which an accomplished man might dispense
with studying, and leave to specialists. But
Mirah, with her terrified flight from one parent, and
her yearning after the other, had flashed on him the
hitherto neglected reality that Judaism was something
still throbbing in human lives, still making for them
the only conceivable vesture of the world; and in
the idling excursion on which he immediately afterward
set out with Sir Hugo he began to look for the outsides
of synagogues, and the title of books about the Jews.
This awakening of a new interest this passing
from the supposition that we hold the right opinions
on a subject we are careless about, to a sudden care
for it, and a sense that our opinions were ignorance is
an effectual remedy for ennui, which, unhappily,
cannot be secured on a physician’s prescription;
but Deronda had carried it with him, and endured his
weeks of lounging all the better. It was on this
journey that he first entered a Jewish synagogue at
Frankfort where his party rested on a Friday.
In exploring the Juden-gasse, which he had seen
long before, he remembered well enough its picturesque
old houses; what his eyes chiefly dwelt on now were
the human types there; and his thought, busily connecting
them with the past phases of their race, stirred that
fibre of historic sympathy which had helped to determine
in him certain traits worth mentioning for those who
are interested in his future. True, when a young
man has a fine person, no eccentricity of manners,
the education of a gentleman, and a present income,
it is not customary to feel a prying curiosity about
his way of thinking, or his peculiar tastes. He
may very well be settled in life as an agreeable clever
young fellow without passing a special examination
on those heads. Later, when he is getting rather
slovenly and portly, his peculiarities are more distinctly
discerned, and it is taken as a mercy if they are not
highly objectionable. But any one wishing to
understand the effect of after-events on Deronda should
know a little more of what he was at five-and-twenty
than was evident in ordinary intercourse.
It happened that the very vividness
of his impressions had often made him the more enigmatic
to his friends, and had contributed to an apparent
indefiniteness in his sentiments. His early-wakened
sensibility and reflectiveness had developed into a
many-sided sympathy, which threatened to hinder any
persistent course of action: as soon as he took
up any antagonism, though only in thought, he seemed
to himself like the Sabine warriors in the memorable
story with nothing to meet his spear but
flesh of his flesh, and objects that he loved.
His imagination had so wrought itself to the habit
of seeing things as they probably appeared to others,
that a strong partisanship, unless it were against
an immediate oppression, had become an insincerity
for him. His plenteous, flexible sympathy had
ended by falling into one current with that reflective
analysis which tends to neutralize sympathy.
Few men were able to keep themselves clearer of vices
than he; yet he hated vices mildly, being used to think
of them less in the abstract than as a part of mixed
human natures having an individual history, which
it was the bent of his mind to trace with understanding
and pity. With the same innate balance he was
fervidly democratic in his feeling for the multitude,
and yet, through his affections and imagination, intensely
conservative; voracious of speculations on government
and religion, yet loth to part with long-sanctioned
forms which, for him, were quick with memories and
sentiments that no argument could lay dead. We
fall on the leaning side; and Deronda suspected himself
of loving too well the losing causes of the world.
Martyrdom changes sides, and he was in danger of changing
with it, having a strong repugnance to taking up that
clue of success which the order of the world often
forces upon us and makes it treason against the common
weal to reject. And yet his fear of falling into
an unreasoning narrow hatred made a check for him:
he apologized for the heirs of privilege; he shrank
with dislike from the loser’s bitterness and
the denunciatory tone of the unaccepted innovator.
A too reflective and diffusive sympathy was in danger
of paralyzing in him that indignation against wrong
and that selectness of fellowship which are the conditions
of moral force; and in the last few years of confirmed
manhood he had become so keenly aware of this that
what he most longed for was either some external event,
or some inward light, that would urge him into a definite
line of action, and compress his wandering energy.
He was ceasing to care for knowledge he
had no ambition for practice unless they
could both be gathered up into one current with his
emotions; and he dreaded, as if it were a dwelling-place
of lost souls, that dead anatomy of culture which turns
the universe into a mere ceaseless answer to queries,
and knows, not everything, but everything else about
everything as if one should be ignorant
of nothing concerning the scent of violets except the
scent itself for which one had no nostril. But
how and whence was the needed event to come? the
influence that would justify partiality, and make
him what he longed to be, yet was unable to make himself an
organic part of social life, instead of roaming in
it like a yearning disembodied spirit, stirred with
a vague social passion, but without fixed local habitation
to render fellowship real? To make a little difference
for the better was what he was not contented to live
without; but how to make it? It is one thing to
see your road, another to cut it. He found some
of the fault in his birth and the way he had been
brought up, which had laid no special demands on him
and had given him no fixed relationship except one
of a doubtful kind; but he did not attempt to hide
from himself that he had fallen into a meditative
numbness, and was gliding farther and farther from
that life of practically energetic sentiment which
he would have proclaimed (if he had been inclined
to proclaim anything) to be the best of all life, and
for himself the only way worth living. He wanted
some way of keeping emotion and its progeny of sentiments which
make the savors of life substantial and
strong in the face of a reflectiveness that threatened
to nullify all differences. To pound the objects
of sentiment into small dust, yet keep sentiment alive
and active, was something like the famous recipe for
making cannon to first take a round hole
and then enclose it with iron; whatever you do keeping
fast hold of your round hole. Yet how distinguish
what our will may wisely save in its completeness,
from the heaping of cat-mummies and the expensive
cult of enshrined putréfactions?
Something like this was the common
under-current in Deronda’s mind while he was
reading law or imperfectly attending to polite conversation.
Meanwhile he had not set about one function in particular
with zeal and steadiness. Not an admirable experience,
to be proposed as an ideal; but a form of struggle
before break of day which some young men since the
patriarch have had to pass through, with more or less
of bruising if not laming.
I have said that under his calm exterior
he had a fervor which made him easily feel the presence
of poetry in everyday events; and the forms of the
Juden-gasse, rousing the sense of union with what
is remote, set him musing on two elements of our historic
life which that sense raises into the same region
of poetry; the faint beginnings of faiths
and institutions, and their obscure lingering decay;
the dust and withered remnants with which they are
apt to be covered, only enhancing for the awakened
perception the impressiveness either of a sublimely
penetrating life, as in the twin green leaves that
will become the sheltering tree, or of a pathetic
inheritance in which all the grandeur and the glory
have become a sorrowing memory.
This imaginative stirring, as he turned
out of the Juden-gasse, and continued to saunter
in the warm evening air, meaning to find his way to
the synagogue, neutralized the repellent effect of
certain ugly little incidents on his way. Turning
into an old book-shop to ask the exact time of service
at the synagogue, he was affectionately directed by
a precocious Jewish youth, who entered cordially into
his wanting, not the fine new building of the Reformed
but the old Rabbinical school of the orthodox; and
then cheated him like a pure Teuton, only with more
amenity, in his charge for a book quite out of request
as one “nicht so leicht zu bekommen.”
Meanwhile at the opposite counter a deaf and grisly
tradesman was casting a flinty look at certain cards,
apparently combining advantages of business with religion,
and shoutingly proposed to him in Jew-dialect by a
dingy man in a tall coat hanging from neck to heel,
a bag in hand, and a broad low hat surmounting his
chosen nose who had no sooner disappeared
than another dingy man of the same pattern issued
from the background glooms of the shop and also shouted
in the same dialect. In fact, Deronda saw various
queer-looking Israelites not altogether without guile,
and just distinguishable from queer-looking Christians
of the same mixed morale. In his anxiety
about Mirah’s relatives, he had lately been
thinking of vulgar Jews with a sort of personal alarm.
But a little comparison will often diminish our surprise
and disgust at the aberrations of Jews and other dissidents
whose lives do not offer a consistent or lovely pattern
of their creed; and this evening Deronda, becoming
more conscious that he was falling into unfairness
and ridiculous exaggeration, began to use that corrective
comparison: he paid his thaler too much, without
prejudice to his interests in the Hebrew destiny,
or his wish to find the Rabbinische Schule,
which he arrived at by sunset, and entered with a
good congregation of men.
He happened to take his seat in a
line with an elderly man from whom he was distant
enough to glance at him more than once as rather a
noticeable figure his ample white beard
and felt hat framing a profile of that fine contour
which may as easily be Italian as Hebrew. He
returned Deronda’s notice till at last their
eyes met; an undesirable chance with unknown persons,
and a reason to Deronda for not looking again; but
he immediately found an open prayer-book pushed toward
him and had to bow his thanks. However, the congregation
had mustered, the reader had mounted to the almemor
or platform, and the service began. Deronda,
having looked enough at the German translation of the
Hebrew in the book before him to know that he was
chiefly hearing Psalms and Old Testament passages
or phrases, gave himself up to that strongest effect
of chanted liturgies which is independent of detailed
verbal meaning like the effect of an Allegri’s
Miserere or a Palestrina’s Magnificat.
The most powerful movement of feeling with a liturgy
is the prayer which seeks for nothing special, but
is a yearning to escape from the limitations of our
own weakness and an invocation of all Good to enter
and abide with us; or else a self-oblivious lifting
up of Gladness, a Gloria in excelsis that such
Good exists; both the yearning and the exaltation
gathering their utmost force from the sense of communion
in a form which has expressed them both, for long
generations of struggling fellow-men. The Hebrew
liturgy, like others, has its transitions of litany,
lyric, proclamation, dry statement and blessing; but
this evening, all were one for Deronda: the chant
of the Chazaris or Reader’s grand wide-ranging
voice with its passage from monotony to sudden cries,
the outburst of sweet boys’ voices from the
little choir, the devotional swaying of men’s
bodies backward and forward, the very commonness of
the building and shabbiness of the scene where a national
faith, which had penetrated the thinking of half the
world, and moulded the splendid forms of that world’s
religion, was finding a remote, obscure echo all
were blent for him as one expression of a binding
history, tragic and yet glorious. He wondered
at the strength of his own feeling; it seemed beyond
the occasion what one might imagine to
be a divine influx in the darkness, before there was
any vision to interpret. The whole scene was a
coherent strain, its burden a passionate regret, which,
if he had known the liturgy for the Day of Reconciliation,
he might have clad in its authentic burden; “Happy
the eye which saw all these things; but verily to hear
only of them afflicts our soul. Happy the eye
that saw our temple and the joy of our congregation;
but verily to hear only of them afflicts our soul.
Happy the eye that saw the fingers when tuning every
kind of song; but verily to hear only of them afflicts
our soul.”
But with the cessation of the devotional
sounds and the movement of many indifferent faces
and vulgar figures before him there darted into his
mind the frigid idea that he had probably been alone
in his feeling, and perhaps the only person in the
congregation for whom the service was more than a
dull routine. There was just time for this chilling
thought before he had bowed to his civil neighbor and
was moving away with the rest when he felt
a hand on his arm, and turning with the rather unpleasant
sensation which this abrupt sort of claim is apt to
bring, he saw close to him the white-bearded face of
that neighbor, who said to him in German, “Excuse
me, young gentleman allow me what
is your parentage your mother’s family her
maiden name?”
Deronda had a strongly resistant feeling:
he was inclined to shake off hastily the touch on
his arm; but he managed to slip it away and said coldly,
“I am an Englishman.”
The questioner looked at him dubiously
still for an instant, then just lifted his hat and
turned away; whether under a sense of having made a
mistake or of having been repulsed, Deronda was uncertain.
In his walk back to the hotel he tried to still any
uneasiness on the subject by reflecting that he could
not have acted differently. How could he say
that he did not know the name of his mother’s
family to that total stranger? who indeed
had taken an unwarrantable liberty in the abruptness
of his question, dictated probably by some fancy of
likeness such as often occurs without real significance.
The incident, he said to himself, was trivial; but
whatever import it might have, his inward shrinking
on the occasion was too strong for him to be sorry
that he had cut it short. It was a reason, however,
for his not mentioning the synagogue to the Mallingers in
addition to his usual inclination to reticence on
anything that the baronet would have been likely to
call Quixotic enthusiasm. Hardly any man could
be more good-natured than Sir Hugo; indeed in his
kindliness especially to women, he did actions which
others would have called romantic; but he never took
a romantic view of them, and in general smiled at
the introduction of motives on a grand scale, or of
reasons that lay very far off. This was the point
of strongest difference between him and Deronda, who
rarely ate at breakfast without some silent discursive
flight after grounds for filling up his day according
to the practice of his contemporaries.
This halt at Frankfort was taken on
their way home, and its impressions were kept the
more actively vibrating in him by the duty of caring
for Mirah’s welfare. That question about
his parentage, which if he had not both inwardly and
outwardly shaken it off as trivial, would have seemed
a threat rather than a promise of revelation, and reinforced
his anxiety as to the effect of finding Mirah’s
relatives and his resolve to proceed with caution.
If he made any unpleasant discovery, was he bound
to a disclosure that might cast a new net of trouble
around her? He had written to Mrs. Meyrick to
announce his visit at four o’clock, and he found
Mirah seated at work with only Mrs. Meyrick and Mab,
the open piano, and all the glorious company of engravings.
The dainty neatness of her hair and dress, the glow
of tranquil happiness in a face where a painter need
have changed nothing if he had wanted to put it in
front of the host singing “peace on earth and
good will to men,” made a contrast to his first
vision of her that was delightful to Deronda’s
eyes. Mirah herself was thinking of it, and immediately
on their greeting said
“See how different I am from
the miserable creature by the river! all because you
found me and brought me to the very best.”
“It was my good chance to find
you,” said Deronda. “Any other man
would have been glad to do what I did.”
“That is not the right way to
be thinking about it,” said Mirah, shaking her
head with decisive gravity, “I think of what
really was. It was you, and not another, who
found me and were good to me.”
“I agree with Mirah,”
said Mrs. Meyrick. “Saint Anybody is a bad
saint to pray to.”
“Besides, Anybody could not
have brought me to you,” said Mirah, smiling
at Mrs. Meyrick. “And I would rather be
with you than with any one else in the world except
my mother. I wonder if ever a poor little bird,
that was lost and could not fly, was taken and put
into a warm nest where was a mother and sisters who
took to it so that everything came naturally, as if
it had been always there. I hardly thought before
that the world could ever be as happy and without fear
as it is to me now.” She looked meditative
a moment, and then said, “sometimes I am a little
afraid.”
“What is it you are afraid of?”
said Deronda with anxiety.
“That when I am turning at the
corner of a street I may meet my father. It seems
dreadful that I should be afraid of meeting him.
That is my only sorrow,” said Mirah, plaintively.
“It is surely not very probable,”
said Deronda, wishing that it were less so; then,
not to let the opportunity escape “Would
it be a great grief to you now if you were never to
meet your mother?”
She did not answer immediately, but
meditated again, with her eyes fixed on the opposite
wall. Then she turned them on Deronda and said
firmly, as if she had arrived at the exact truth, “I
want her to know that I have always loved her, and
if she is alive I want to comfort her. She may
be dead. If she were I should long to know where
she was buried; and to know whether my brother lives,
so that we can remember her together. But I will
try not to grieve. I have thought much for so
many years of her being dead. And I shall have
her with me in my mind, as I have always had.
We can never be really parted. I think I have
never sinned against her. I have always tried
not to do what would hurt her. Only, she might
be sorry that I was not a good Jewess.”
“In what way are you not a good Jewess?”
said Deronda.
“I am ignorant, and we never
observed the laws, but lived among Christians just
as they did. But I have heard my father laugh
at the strictness of the Jews about their food and
all customs, and their not liking Christians.
I think my mother was strict; but she could never
want me not to like those who are better to me than
any of my own people I have ever known. I think
I could obey in other things that she wished but not
in that. It is so much easier to me to share in
love than in hatred. I remember a play I read
in German since I have been here it has
come into my mind where the heroine says
something like that.”
“Antigone,” said Deronda.
“Ah, you know it. But I
do not believe that my mother would wish me not to
love my best friends. She would be grateful to
them.” Here Mirah had turned to Mrs. Meyrick,
and with a sudden lighting up of her whole countenance,
she said, “Oh, if we ever do meet and know each
other as we are now, so that I could tell what would
comfort her I should be so full of blessedness
my soul would know no want but to love her!”
“God bless you, child!”
said Mrs. Meyrick, the words escaping involuntarily
from her motherly heart. But to relieve the strain
of feeling she looked at Deronda and said, “It
is curious that Mirah, who remembers her mother so
well it is as if she saw her, cannot recall her brother
the least bit except the feeling of having
been carried by him when she was tired, and of his
being near her when she was in her mother’s
lap. It must be that he was rarely at home.
He was already grown up. It is a pity her brother
should be quite a stranger to her.”
“He is good; I feel sure Ezra
is good,” said Mirah, eagerly. “He
loved my mother he would take care of her.
I remember more of him than that. I remember
my mother’s voice once calling, ‘Ezra!’
and then his answering from a distance ‘Mother!’” Mirah
had changed her voice a little in each of these words
and had given them a loving intonation “and
then he came close to us. I feel sure he is good.
I have always taken comfort from that.”
It was impossible to answer this either
with agreement or doubt. Mrs. Meyrick and Deronda
exchanged a quick glance: about this brother she
felt as painfully dubious as he did. But Mirah
went on, absorbed in her memories
“Is it not wonderful how I remember
the voices better than anything else? I think
they must go deeper into us than other things.
I have often fancied heaven might be made of voices.”
“Like your singing yes,”
said Mab, who had hitherto kept a modest silence,
and now spoke bashfully, as was her wont in the presence
of Prince Camaralzaman “Ma, do ask
Mirah to sing. Mr. Deronda has not heard her.”
“Would it be disagreeable to
you to sing now?” said Deronda, with a more
deferential gentleness than he had ever been conscious
of before.
“Oh, I shall like it,”
said Mirah. “My voice has come back a little
with rest.”
Perhaps her ease of manner was due
to something more than the simplicity of her nature.
The circumstances of her life made her think of everything
she did as work demanded from her, in which affectation
had nothing to do; and she had begun her work before
self-consciousness was born.
She immediately rose and went to the
piano a somewhat worn instrument that seemed
to get the better of its infirmities under the firm
touch of her small fingers as she preluded. Deronda
placed himself where he could see her while she sang;
and she took everything as quietly as if she had been
a child going to breakfast.
Imagine her it is always
good to imagine a human creature in whom bodily loveliness
seems as properly one with the entire being as the
bodily loveliness of those wondrous transparent orbs
of life that we find in the sea imagine
her with her dark hair brushed from her temples, but
yet showing certain tiny rings there which had cunningly
found their own way back, the mass of it hanging behind
just to the nape of the little neck in curly fibres,
such as renew themselves at their own will after being
bathed into straightness like that of water-grasses.
Then see the perfect cameo her profile makes, cut in
a duskish shell, where by some happy fortune there
pierced a gem-like darkness for the eye and eyebrow;
the delicate nostrils defined enough to be ready for
sensitive movements, the finished ear, the firm curves
of the chin and neck, entering into the expression
of a refinement which was not feebleness.
She sang Beethoven’s “Per
pieta non dirmi addio” with
a subdued but searching pathos which had that essential
of perfect singing, the making one oblivious of art
or manner, and only possessing one with the song.
It was the sort of voice that gives the impression
of being meant like a bird’s wooing for an audience
near and beloved. Deronda began by looking at
her, but felt himself presently covering his eyes with
his hand, wanting to seclude the melody in darkness;
then he refrained from what might seem oddity, and
was ready to meet the look of mute appeal which she
turned toward him at the end.
“I think I never enjoyed a song
more than that,” he said, gratefully.
“You like my singing? I
am so glad,” she said, with a smile of delight.
“It has been a great pain to me, because it failed
in what it was wanted for. But now we think I
can use it to get my bread. I have really been
taught well. And now I have two pupils, that Miss
Meyrick found for me. They pay me nearly two
crowns for their two lessons.”
“I think I know some ladies
who would find you many pupils after Christmas,”
said Deronda. “You would not mind singing
before any one who wished to hear you?”
“Oh no, I want to do something
to get money. I could teach reading and speaking,
Mrs. Meyrick thinks. But if no one would learn
of me, that is difficult.” Mirah smiled
with a touch of merriment he had not seen in her before.
“I dare say I should find her poor I
mean my mother. I should want to get money for
her. And I can not always live on charity; though” here
she turned so as to take all three of her companions
in one glance “it is the sweetest
charity in all the world.”
“I should think you can get
rich,” said Deronda, smiling. “Great
ladies will perhaps like you to teach their daughters,
We shall see. But now do sing again to us.”
She went on willingly, singing with
ready memory various things by Gordigiani and Schubert;
then, when she had left the piano, Mab said, entreatingly,
“Oh, Mirah, if you would not mind singing the
little hymn.”
“It is too childish,” said Mirah.
“It is like lisping.”
“What is the hymn?” said Deronda.
“It is the Hebrew hymn she remembers
her mother singing over her when she lay in her cot,”
said Mrs. Meyrick.
“I should like very much to
hear it,” said Deronda, “if you think I
am worthy to hear what is so sacred.”
“I will sing it if you like,”
said Mirah, “but I don’t sing real words only
here and there a syllable like hers the
rest is lisping. Do you know Hebrew? because
if you do, my singing will seem childish nonsense.”
Deronda shook his head. “It
will be quite good Hebrew to me.”
Mirah crossed her little feet and
hands in her easiest attitude, and then lifted up
her head at an angle which seemed to be directed to
some invisible face bent over her, while she sang
a little hymn of quaint melancholy intervals, with
syllables that really seemed childish lisping to her
audience; the voice in which she gave it forth had
gathered even a sweeter, more cooing tenderness than
was heard in her other songs.
“If I were ever to know the
real words, I should still go on in my old way with
them,” said Mirah, when she had repeated the
hymn several times.
“Why not?” said Deronda.
“The lisped syllables are very full of meaning.”
“Yes, indeed,” said Mrs.
Meyrick. “A mother hears something of a
lisp in her children’s talk to the very last.
Their words are not just what everybody else says,
though they may be spelled the same. If I were
to live till my Hans got old, I should still see the
boy in him. A mother’s love, I often say,
is like a tree that has got all the wood in it, from
the very first it made.”
“Is not that the way with friendship,
too?” said Deronda, smiling. “We
must not let the mothers be too arrogant.”
The little woman shook her head over her darning.
“It is easier to find an old
mother than an old friend. Friendships begin
with liking or gratitude roots that can
be pulled up. Mother’s love begins deeper
down.”
“Like what you were saying about
the influence of voices,” said Deronda, looking
at Mirah. “I don’t think your hymn
would have had more expression for me if I had known
the words. I went to the synagogue at Frankfort
before I came home, and the service impressed me just
as much as if I had followed the words perhaps
more.”
“Oh, was it great to you?
Did it go to your heart?” said Mirah, eagerly.
“I thought none but our people would feel that.
I thought it was all shut away like a river in a deep
valley, where only heaven saw I mean –”
she hesitated feeling that she could not disentangle
her thought from its imagery.
“I understand,” said Deronda.
“But there is not really such a separation deeper
down, as Mrs. Meyrick says. Our religion is chiefly
a Hebrew religion; and since Jews are men, their religious
feelings must have much in common with those of other
men just as their poetry, though in one
sense peculiar, has a great deal in common with the
poetry of other nations. Still it is to be expected
that a Jew would feel the forms of his people’s
religion more than one of another race and
yet” here Deronda hesitated in his
turn “that is perhaps not always
so.”
“Ah no,” said Mirah, sadly.
“I have seen that. I have seen them mock.
Is it not like mocking your parents? like
rejoicing in your parents’ shame?”
“Some minds naturally rebel
against whatever they were brought up in, and like
the opposite; they see the faults in what is nearest
to them,” said Deronda apologetically.
“But you are not like that,”
said Mirah, looking at him with unconscious fixedness.
“No, I think not,” said
Deronda; “but you know I was not brought up as
a Jew.”
“Ah, I am always forgetting,”
said Mirah, with a look of disappointed recollection,
and slightly blushing.
Deronda also felt rather embarrassed,
and there was an awkward pause, which he put an end
to by saying playfully
“Whichever way we take it, we
have to tolerate each other; for if we all went in
opposition to our teaching, we must end in difference,
just the same.”
“To be sure. We should
go on forever in zig-zags,” said Mrs. Meyrick.
“I think it is very weak-minded to make your
creed up by the rule of the contrary. Still one
may honor one’s parents, without following their
notions exactly, any more than the exact cut of their
clothing. My father was a Scotch Calvinist and
my mother was a French Calvinist; I am neither quite
Scotch, nor quite French, nor two Calvinists rolled
into one, yet I honor my parents’ memory.”
“But I could not make myself
not a Jewess,” said Mirah, insistently, “even
if I changed my belief.”
“No, my dear. But if Jews
and Jewesses went on changing their religion, and
making no difference between themselves and Christians,
there would come a time when there would be no Jews
to be seen,” said Mrs. Meyrick, taking that
consummation very cheerfully.
“Oh, please not to say that,”
said Mirah, the tears gathering. “It is
the first unkind thing you ever said. I will not
begin that. I will never separate myself from
my mother’s people. I was forced to fly
from my father; but if he came back in age and weakness
and want, and needed me, should I say, ‘This
is not my father’? If he had shame, I must
share it. It was he who was given to me for my
father, and not another. And so it is with my
people. I will always be a Jewess. I will
love Christians when they are good, like you.
But I will always cling to my people. I will
always worship with them.”
As Mirah had gone on speaking she
had become possessed with a sorrowful passion fervent,
not violent. Holding her little hands tightly
clasped and looking at Mrs. Meyrick with beseeching,
she seemed to Deronda a personification of that spirit
which impelled men after a long inheritance of professed
Catholicism to leave wealth and high place and risk
their lives in flight, that they might join their own
people and say, “I am a Jew.”
“Mirah, Mirah, my dear child,
you mistake me!” said Mrs. Meyrick, alarmed.
“God forbid I should want you to do anything
against your conscience. I was only saying what
might be if the world went on. But I had better
have left the world alone, and not wanted to be over-wise.
Forgive me, come! we will not try to take you from
anybody you feel has more right to you.”
“I would do anything else for
you. I owe you my life,” said Mirah, not
yet quite calm.
“Hush, hush, now,” said
Mrs. Meyrick. “I have been punished enough
for wagging my tongue foolishly making
an almanac for the Millennium, as my husband used
to say.”
“But everything in the world
must come to an end some time. We must bear to
think of that,” said Mab, unable to hold her
peace on this point. She had already suffered
from a bondage of tongue which threatened to become
severe if Mirah were to be too much indulged in this
inconvenient susceptibility to innocent remarks.
Deronda smiled at the irregular, blonde
face, brought into strange contrast by the side of
Mirah’s smiled, Mab thought, rather
sarcastically as he said, “That ’prospect
of everything coming to an end will not guide us far
in practice. Mirah’s feelings, she tells
us, are concerned with what is.”
Mab was confused and wished she had
not spoken, since Mr. Deronda seemed to think that
she had found fault with Mirah; but to have spoken
once is a tyrannous reason for speaking again, and
she said
“I only meant that we must have
courage to hear things, else there is hardly anything
we can talk about.” Mab felt herself unanswerable
here, inclining to the opinion of Socrates: “What
motive has a man to live, if not for the pleasure
of discourse?”
Deronda took his leave soon after,
and when Mrs. Meyrick went outside with him to exchange
a few words about Mirah, he said, “Hans is to
share my chambers when he comes at Christmas.”
“You have written to Rome about
that?” said Mrs. Meyrick, her face lighting
up. “How very good and thoughtful of you!
You mentioned Mirah, then?”
“Yes, I referred to her.
I concluded he knew everything from you.”
“I must confess my folly.
I have not yet written a word about her. I have
always been meaning to do it, and yet have ended my
letter without saying a word. And I told the
girls to leave it to me. However! Thank
you a thousand times.”
Deronda divined something of what
was in the mother’s mind, and his divination
reinforced a certain anxiety already present in him.
His inward colloquy was not soothing. He said
to himself that no man could see this exquisite creature
without feeling it possible to fall in love with her;
but all the fervor of his nature was engaged on the
side of precaution. There are personages who
feel themselves tragic because they march into a palpable
morass, dragging another with them, and then cry out
against all the gods. Deronda’s mind was
strongly set against imitating them.
“I have my hands on the reins
now,” he thought, “and I will not drop
them. I shall go there as little as possible.”
He saw the reasons acting themselves
out before him. How could he be Mirah’s
guardian and claim to unite with Mrs. Meyrick, to whose
charge he had committed her, if he showed himself
as a lover whom she did not love whom
she would not marry? And if he encouraged any
germ of lover’s feeling in himself it would
lead up to that issue. Mirah’s was not
a nature that would bear dividing against itself; and
even if love won her consent to marry a man who was
not of her race and religion, she would never be happy
in acting against that strong native bias which would
still reign in her conscience as remorse.
Deronda saw these consequences as
we see any danger of marring our own work well begun.
It was a delight to have rescued this child acquainted
with sorrow, and to think of having placed her little
feet in protected paths. The creature we help
to save, though only a half-reared linnet, bruised
and lost by the wayside how we watch and
fence it, and dote on its signs of recovery!
Our pride becomes loving, our self is a not-self for
whose sake we become virtuous, when we set to some
hidden work of reclaiming a life from misery and look
for our triumph in the secret joy “This
one is the better for me.”
“I would as soon hold out my
finger to be bitten off as set about spoiling her
peace,” said Deronda. “It was one
of the rarest bits of fortune that I should have had
friends like the Meyricks to place her with generous,
delicate friends without any loftiness in their ways,
so that her dependence on them is not only safety but
happiness. There could be no refuge to replace
that, if it were broken up. But what is the use
of my taking the vows and settling everything as it
should be, if that marplot Hans comes and upsets it
all?”
Few things were more likely.
Hans was made for mishaps: his very limbs seemed
more breakable than other people’s his
eyes more of a resort for uninvited flies and other
irritating guests. But it was impossible to forbid
Hans’s coming to London. He was intending
to get a studio there and make it his chief home;
and to propose that he should defer coming on some
ostensible ground, concealing the real motive of winning
time for Mirah’s position to become more confirmed
and independent, was impracticable. Having no
other resource Deronda tried to believe that both
he and Mrs. Meyrick were foolishly troubling themselves
about one of those endless things called probabilities,
which never occur; but he did not quite succeed in
his trying; on the contrary, he found himself going
inwardly through a scene where on the first discovery
of Han’s inclination he gave him a very energetic
warning suddenly checked, however, by the
suspicion of personal feeling that his warmth might
be creating in Hans. He could come to no result,
but that the position was peculiar, and that he could
make no further provision against dangers until they
came nearer. To save an unhappy Jewess from drowning
herself, would not have seemed a startling variation
among police reports; but to discover in her so rare
a creature as Mirah, was an exceptional event which
might well bring exceptional consequences. Deronda
would not let himself for a moment dwell on any supposition
that the consequences might enter deeply into his own
life. The image of Mirah had never yet had that
penetrating radiation which would have been given
to it by the idea of her loving him. When this
sort of effluence is absent from the fancy (whether
from the fact or not) a man may go far in devotedness
without perturbation.
As to the search for Mirah’s
mother and brother, Deronda took what she had said
to-day as a warrant for deferring any immediate measures.
His conscience was not quite easy in this desire for
delay, any more than it was quite easy in his not
attempting to learn the truth about his own mother:
in both cases he felt that there might be an unfulfilled
duty to a parent, but in both cases there was an overpowering
repugnance to the possible truth, which threw a turning
weight into the scale of argument.
“At least, I will look about,”
was his final determination. “I may find
some special Jewish machinery. I will wait till
after Christmas.”
What should we all do without the
calendar, when we want to put off a disagreeable duty?
The admirable arrangements of the solar system, by
which our time is measured, always supply us with a
term before which it is hardly worth while to set
about anything we are disinclined to.