Ever
in his soul
That larger justice which makes gratitude
Triumphed above resentment. ’Tis
the mark
Of regal natures, with the wider life.
And fuller capability of joy:
Not wits exultant in the strongest lens
To show you goodness vanished into pulp
Never worth “thank you” they’re
the devil’s friars,
Vowed to be poor as he in love and trust,
Yet must go begging of a world that keeps
Some human property.
Deronda, in parting from Gwendolen,
had abstained from saying, “I shall not see
you again for a long while: I am going away,”
lest Grandcourt should understand him to imply that
the fact was of importance to her.
He was actually going away under circumstances
so momentous to himself that when he set out to fulfill
his promise of calling on her, he was already under
the shadow of a solemn emotion which revived the deepest
experience of his life.
Sir Hugo had sent for him to his chambers
with the note “Come immediately.
Something has happened:” a preparation that
caused him some relief when, on entering the baronet’s
study, he was received with grave affection instead
of the distress which he had apprehended.
“It is nothing to grieve you,
sir?” said Deronda, in a tone rather of restored
confidence than question, as he took the hand held
out to him. There was an unusual meaning in Sir
Hugo’s look, and a subdued emotion in his voice,
as he said
“No, Dan, no. Sit down. I have something
to say.”
Deronda obeyed, not without presentiment.
It was extremely rare for Sir Hugo to show so much
serious feeling.
“Not to grieve me, my boy, no.
At least, if there is nothing in it that will grieve
you too much. But I hardly expected that this just
this would ever happen. There have
been reasons why I have never prepared you for it.
There have been reasons why I have never told you
anything about your parentage. But I have striven
in every way not to make that an injury to you.”
Sir Hugo paused, but Deronda could
not speak. He could not say, “I have never
felt it an injury.” Even if that had been
true, he could not have trusted his voice to say anything.
Far more than any one but himself could know of was
hanging on this moment when the secrecy was to be
broken. Sir Hugo had never seen the grand face
he delighted in so pale the lips pressed
together with such a look of pain. He went on
with a more anxious tenderness, as if he had a new
fear of wounding.
“I have acted in obedience to
your mother’s wishes. The secrecy was her
wish. But now she desires to remove it. She
desires to see you. I will put this letter into
your hands, which you can look at by-and-by. It
will merely tell you what she wishes you to do, and
where you will find her.”
Sir Hugo held out a letter written
on foreign paper, which Deronda thrust into his breast-pocket,
with a sense of relief that he was not called on to
read anything immediately. The emotion on Daniel’s
face had gained on the baronet, and was visibly shaking
his composure. Sir Hugo found it difficult to
say more. And Deronda’s whole soul was
possessed by a question which was the hardest in the
world to utter. Yet he could not bear to delay
it. This was a sacramental moment. If he
let it pass, he could not recover the influences under
which it was possible to utter the words and meet
the answer. For some moments his eyes were cast
down, and it seemed to both as if thoughts were in
the air between them. But at last Deronda looked
at Sir Hugo, and said, with a tremulous reverence
in his voice dreading to convey indirectly
the reproach that affection had for years been stifling
“Is my father also living?”
The answer came immediately in a low emphatic tone “No.”
In the mingled emotions which followed
that answer it was impossible to distinguish joy from
pain.
Some new light had fallen on the past
for Sir Hugo too in this interview. After a silence
in which Deronda felt like one whose creed is gone
before he has religiously embraced another, the baronet
said, in a tone of confession
“Perhaps I was wrong, Dan, to
undertake what I did. And perhaps I liked it
a little too well having you all to myself.
But if you have had any pain which I might have helped,
I ask you to forgive me.”
“The forgiveness has long been
there,” said Deronda “The chief pain has
always been on account of some one else whom
I never knew whom I am now to know.
It has not hindered me from feeling an affection for
you which has made a large part of all the life I
remember.”
It seemed one impulse that made the
two men clasp each other’s hand for a moment.