“One day still fierce ’mid
many a day struck calm.”
BROWNING:
The King and the Book.
Meanwhile Ezra and Mirah, whom Gwendolen
did not include in her thinking about Deronda, were
having their relation to him drawn closer and brought
into fuller light.
The father Lapidoth had quitted his
daughter at the doorstep, ruled by that possibility
of staking something in play or betting which presented
itself with the handling of any sum beyond the price
of staying actual hunger, and left no care for alternative
prospects or resolutions. Until he had lost everything
he never considered whether he would apply to Mirah
again or whether he would brave his son’s presence.
In the first moment he had shrunk from encountering
Ezra as he would have shrunk from any other situation
of disagreeable constraint; and the possession of
Mirah’s purse was enough to banish the thought
of future necessities. The gambling appetite is
more absolutely dominant than bodily hunger, which
can be neutralized by an emotional or intellectual
excitation; but the passion for watching chances the
habitual suspensive poise of the mind in actual or
imaginary play nullifies the susceptibility
of other excitation. In its final, imperious
stage, it seems the unjoyous dissipation of demons,
seeking diversion on the burning marl of perdition.
But every form of selfishness, however
abstract and unhuman, requires the support of at least
one meal a day; and though Lapidoth’s appetite
for food and drink was extremely moderate, he had slipped
into a shabby, unfriendly form of life in which the
appetite could not be satisfied without some ready
money. When, in a brief visit at a house which
announced “Pyramids” on the window-blind,
he had first doubled and trebled and finally lost
Mirah’s thirty shillings, he went out with her
empty purse in his pocket, already balancing in his
mind whether he should get another immediate stake
by pawning the purse, or whether he should go back
to her giving himself a good countenance by restoring
the purse, and declaring that he had used the money
in paying a score that was standing against him.
Besides, among the sensibilities still left strong
in Lapidoth was the sensibility to his own claims,
and he appeared to himself to have a claim on any
property his children might possess, which was stronger
than the justice of his son’s resentment.
After all, to take up his lodging with his children
was the best thing he could do; and the more he thought
of meeting Ezra the less he winced from it, his imagination
being more wrought on by the chances of his getting
something into his pocket with safety and without exertion,
than by the threat of a private humiliation. Luck
had been against him lately; he expected it to turn and
might not the turn begin with some opening of supplies
which would present itself through his daughter’s
affairs and the good friends she had spoken of?
Lapidoth counted on the fascination of his cleverness an
old habit of mind which early experience had sanctioned:
and it is not only women who are unaware of their
diminished charm, or imagine that they can feign not
to be worn out.
The result of Lapidoth’s rapid
balancing was that he went toward the little square
in Brompton with the hope that, by walking about and
watching, he might catch sight of Mirah going out or
returning, in which case his entrance into the house
would be made easier. But it was already evening the
evening of the day next to that which he had first
seen her; and after a little waiting, weariness made
him reflect that he might ring, and if she were not
at home he might ask the time at which she was expected.
But on coming near the house he knew that she was
at home: he heard her singing.
Mirah, seated at the piano, was pouring
forth “Herz, mein Herz,” while
Ezra was listening with his eyes shut, when Mrs. Adam
opened the door, and said in some embarrassment
“A gentleman below says he is your father, miss.”
“I will go down to him,”
said Mirah, starting up immediately and looking at
her brother.
“No, Mirah, not so,” said
Ezra, with decision. “Let him come up, Mrs.
Adam.”
Mirah stood with her hands pinching
each other, and feeling sick with anxiety, while she
continued looking at Ezra, who had also risen, and
was evidently much shaken. But there was an expression
in his face which she had never seen before; his brow
was knit, his lips seemed hardened with the same severity
that gleamed from his eye.
When Mrs. Adam opened the door to
let in the father, she could not help casting a look
at the group, and after glancing from the younger man
to the elder, said to herself as she closed the door,
“Father, sure enough.” The likeness
was that of outline, which is always most striking
at the first moment; the expression had been wrought
into the strongest contrasts by such hidden or inconspicuous
differences as can make the genius of a Cromwell within
the outward type of a father who was no more than
a respectable parishioner.
Lapidoth had put on a melancholy expression
beforehand, but there was some real wincing in his
frame as he said
“Well, Ezra, my boy, you hardly
know me after so many years.”
“I know you too well father,”
said Ezra, with a slow biting solemnity which made
the word father a reproach.
“Ah, you are not pleased with
me. I don’t wonder at it. Appearances
have been against me. When a man gets into straits
he can’t do just as he would by himself or anybody
else, I’ve suffered enough, I know,”
said Lapidoth, quickly. In speaking he always
recovered some glibness and hardihood; and now turning
toward Mirah, he held out her purse, saying, “Here’s
your little purse, my dear. I thought you’d
be anxious about it because of that bit of writing.
I’ve emptied it, you’ll see, for I had
a score to pay for food and lodging. I knew you
would like me to clear myself, and here I stand without
a single farthing in my pocket at the mercy
of my children. You can turn me out if you like,
without getting a policeman. Say the word, Mirah;
say, ’Father, I’ve had enough of you;
you made a pet of me, and spent your all on me, when
I couldn’t have done without you; but I can do
better without you now,’ say that,
and I’m gone out like a spark. I shan’t
spoil your pleasure again.” The tears were
in his voice as usual, before he had finished.
“You know I could never say
it, father,” answered Mirah, with not the less
anguish because she felt the falsity of everything
in his speech except the implied wish to remain in
the house.
“Mirah, my sister, leave us!”
said Ezra, in a tone of authority.
She looked at her brother falteringly,
beseechingly in awe of his decision, yet
unable to go without making a plea for this father
who was like something that had grown in her flesh
with pain. She went close to her brother, and
putting her hand in his, said, in a low voice, but
not so low as to be unheard by Lapidoth, “Remember,
Ezra you said my mother would not have shut
him out.”
“Trust me, and go,” said Ezra.
She left the room, but after going
a few steps up the stairs, sat down with a palpitating
heart. If, because of anything her brother said
to him, he went away –
Lapidoth had some sense of what was
being prepared for him in his son’s mind, but
he was beginning to adjust himself to the situation
and find a point of view that would give him a cool
superiority to any attempt at humiliating him.
This haggard son, speaking as from a sepulchre, had
the incongruity which selfish levity learns to see
in suffering, and until the unrelenting pincers of
disease clutch its own flesh. Whatever preaching
he might deliver must be taken for a matter of course,
as a man finding shelter from hail in an open cathedral
might take a little religious howling that happened
to be going on there.
Lapidoth was not born with this sort
of callousness: he had achieved it.
“This home that we have here,”
Ezra began, “is maintained partly by the generosity
of a beloved friend who supports me, and partly by
the labors of my sister, who supports herself.
While we have a home we will not shut you out from
it. We will not cast you out to the mercy of your
vices. For you are our father, and though you
have broken your bond, we acknowledge ours. But
I will never trust you. You absconded with money,
leaving your debts unpaid; you forsook my mother; you
robbed her of her little child and broke her heart;
you have become a gambler, and where shame and conscience
were there sits an insatiable desire; you were ready
to sell my sister you had sold her, but
the price was denied you. The man who has done
these things must never expect to be trusted any more.
We will share our food with you you shall
have a bed, and clothing. We will do this duty
to you, because you are our father. But you will
never be trusted. You are an evil man: you
made the misery of our mother. That such a man
is our father is a brand on our flesh which will not
cease smarting. But the Eternal has laid it upon
us; and though human justice were to flog you for
crimes, and your body fell helpless before the public
scorn, we would still say, ’This is our father;
make way, that we may carry him out of your sight.’”
Lapidoth, in adjusting himself to
what was coming, had not been able to foresee the
exact intensity of the lightning or the exact course
it would take that it would not fall outside
his frame but through it. He could not foresee
what was so new to him as this voice from the soul
of his son. It touched that spring of hysterical
excitability which Mirah used to witness in him when
he sat at home and sobbed. As Ezra ended, Lapidoth
threw himself into a chair and cried like a woman,
burying his face against the table and
yet, strangely, while this hysterical crying was an
inevitable reaction in him under the stress of his
son’s words, it was also a conscious resource
in a difficulty; just as in early life, when he was
a bright-faced curly young man, he had been used to
avail himself of this subtly-poised physical susceptibility
to turn the edge of resentment or disapprobation.
Ezra sat down again and said nothing exhausted
by the shock of his own irrepressible utterance, the
outburst of feelings which for years he had borne
in solitude and silence. His thin hands trembled
on the arms of the chair; he would hardly have found
voice to answer a question; he felt as if he had taken
a step toward beckoning Death. Meanwhile Mirah’s
quick expectant ear detected a sound which her heart
recognized: she could not stay out of the room
any longer. But on opening the door her immediate
alarm was for Ezra, and it was to his side that she
went, taking his trembling hand in hers, which he pressed
and found support in; but he did not speak or even
look at her. The father with his face buried
was conscious that Mirah had entered, and presently
lifted up his head, pressed his handkerchief against
his eyes, put out his hand toward her, and said with
plaintive hoarseness, “Good-bye, Mirah; your
father will not trouble you again. He deserves
to die like a dog by the roadside, and he will.
If your mother had lived, she would have forgiven
me thirty-four years ago I put the ring
on her finger under the Chuppa, and we were
made one. She would have forgiven me, and we
should have spent our old age together. But I
haven’t deserved it. Good-bye.”
He rose from the chair as he said
the last “good-bye.” Mirah had put
her hand in his and held him. She was not tearful
and grieving, but frightened and awe-struck, as she
cried out
“No, father, no!” Then
turning to her brother, “Ezra, you have not
forbidden him? Stay, father, and leave off
wrong things. Ezra, I cannot bear it. How
can I say to my father, ‘Go and die!’”
“I have not said it,”
Ezra answered, with great effort. “I have
said, stay and be sheltered.”
“Then you will stay, father and
be taken care of and come with me,”
said Mirah, drawing him toward the door.
This was really what Lapidoth wanted.
And for the moment he felt a sort of comfort in recovering
his daughter’s dutiful attendance, that made
a change of habits seem possible to him. She
led him down to the parlor below, and said
“This is my sitting-room when
I am not with Ezra, and there is a bed-room behind
which shall be yours. You will stay and be good,
father. Think that you are come back to my mother,
and that she has forgiven you she speaks
to you through me.” Mirah’s tones
were imploring, but she could not give one of her
former caresses.
Lapidoth quickly recovered his composure,
began to speak to Mirah of the improvement in her
voice, and other easy subjects, and when Mrs. Adam
came to lay out his supper, entered into converse with
her in order to show her that he was not a common
person, though his clothes were just now against him.
But in his usual wakefulness at night,
he fell to wondering what money Mirah had by her,
and went back over old Continental hours at Roulette,
reproducing the method of his play, and the chances
that had frustrated it. He had had his reasons
for coming to England, but for most things it was
a cursed country.
These were the stronger visions of
the night with Lapidoth, and not the worn frame of
his ireful son uttering a terrible judgment. Ezra
did pass across the gaming-table, and his words were
audible; but he passed like an insubstantial ghost,
and his words had the heart eaten out of them by numbers
and movements that seemed to make the very tissue of
Lapidoth’s consciousness.