On my way back to the Manor house
I thought deeply of a way to make the best of the
situation. That Jerry was a philosopher seemed
for the moment to be a matter of little importance,
for the portion of his conversation in the cabin which
I had overheard was an indictment both of my teaching
and my integrity. His eyes, thanks to the gabble
of this mischievous visitor, were now open. He
would want to know everything and I found myself placed
in the position of being obliged to choose between
a frankness which would be hazardous and a deception
which would be intolerable. The time had suddenly
come for generous revelations. I had labored
all these years to bring Jerry to manhood, armed with
righteousness and a sound philosophy, equipment enough
according to my reading of his character and the meaning
of life, to make him impervious to all sophistry and
all sin. The conversation that I had overheard
did nothing to weaken my faith in the Great Experiment
which in my heart I felt already to be an unqualified
success, but it notified me of the fact which had almost
escaped me, that Jerry was no longer a boy but a man
in years as well as body and intelligence and that
his desire for worldly knowledge was not to be thwarted.
And yet the prospect seemed far from
pleasing to me. It was the beginning of the end
of our Utopia. Upon the threshold of the world
Jerry was eager for that which I had scorned.
Our paths would separate. The old relation would
be no more.
I went home slowly and I think some
sign of my weariness and perplexity must have been
marked upon my features as I entered the hall where
Jerry with sober countenance awaited me. There
was nothing for it but to talk the thing out.
I did not upbraid him nor he me. We understood
each other too well for that.
Then followed the flood of eager questions
from a mind topsy-turvy. I answered him slowly,
deliberately, and gave him in some detail his father’s
thesis on education, explaining how and why I happened
to be in sympathy with it and pointing out by the
results attained the wisdom of our plans.
“Results!” he cried.
“What results? In what respect is my education
better than another man’s? I know my Latin,
and my Greek, my French, my German. I’m
a good history scholar, and what you’ve taught
me of philosophy, the inside of books all
of it. But life, Roger, you’ve
starved me starved me! If I were a
babe in arms I couldn’t know less ”
“You’ll know life in time,
Jerry, see it through a finer prism.”
“I want to see it as it is,
in the raw, not beautiful when it is not beautiful.
I want the truth all the truth, Roger, the
rough and the ugly where it is rough and ugly.
You say you’ve made me a man, taught me to think
fine thoughts, given me a good mind and a strong body,
but all the while you were sheltering me, saving me from
what? What good are my mind and body if they
aren’t strong enough to be put to the test of
life and survive it?”
He was much agitated.
“I have no fear to put you to
any test today, tomorrow,” I said
quietly.
“Then put me to it out
there.” With a wave of his arm he cried:
“I must see for myself, think for myself.”
“You shall, Jerry, soon.
Will you be patient a little while longer?”
He controlled himself with an effort
and bent forward in his chair, bringing his head down
into his hands.
“It’s hard. I feel
like a coward, a coward not taking my share ”
“Ah,” I said suddenly, “she
called you that?”
“Yes. If she had been a
man I should have thrashed her. But in a moment
I knew that she had spoken the truth.”
“But Jerry, a coward is one
who is afraid. How could you be afraid of something
you didn’t know about?”
“But I know now. She told
me very little, Roger, but I’ve guessed the
rest.”
He went on in this vein for awhile
and at last grew calmer. And the result of it
all was a promise on my part to answer more frankly
all his questions, to subscribe to two newspapers
and some magazines, and to begin on the morrow a course
of reading which would prepare the way for his contact
with the world. He seemed satisfied and at last
went to bed with his old cheery “Good night,
Dry-as-dust.”
After all, I had gotten out of it
well enough. Only a few months remained for him
within the wall and with the exception of the newspapers,
my plans for him were really little changed. I
may as well confess at once that my delay in broadening
his point of view was selfish. I had made such
a beautiful thing that I was as proud of it as any
painter of his masterpiece. Until the present
moment I had been true to my own ideals. What
was to follow must be a concession to convention.
But I entered frankly enough into
the new scheme of things and set Jerry a course in
modern fiction in books carefully chosen and before
the summer was gone and the autumn far advanced Jerry
had read at least a shelf-full of volumes. He
went through them avidly and asked few questions.
Love between the sexes he now accepted as a matter
of course, but he hadn’t the slightest conception
of what it meant and told me so. He had passed
the morbid age between boyhood and manhood, his head
in the air, his gaze upon the stars, and what he read
now did not trouble him.
And as the months flew by without
the expected revelation, I breathed more freely.
His heart was so clean that the suggestion of forbidden
things made no impression upon it. He already
accepted suffering, sin, disease, as part of the lot
of a too complex society, but he made few comments
upon his reading and these were perfunctory. He
was so free from guile that I actually believe he
could have been given access to any library without
fear of contamination.
In November Jack Ballard arrived for
a visit of a few days and announced that his father
had bought a house in New York which was to be ready
for occupancy after Jerry’s birthday. As
Jack is to occupy a prominent place in these pages,
I may as well announce at once that at this time he
had reached the age of thirty-five, had kept most of
his hair, was slightly inclined to corpulency, and
wore gay cravats which matched his handkerchiefs,
shirts and socks, the “sartorial symphony,”
as he described it. He still kept office hours
from two to three on Thursdays and refused all efforts
on the part of his father to make him take life other
than as a colossal joke. He had not married,
though I do not doubt that there were many who would
have nabbed him quickly enough.
In his previous visits to Horsham
Manor Jack had, at no little cost, repressed his speech
into accord with my teachings, and Jerry was very
fond of him. They fished, swam and sparred by
day, and in the evenings Jack told stories of hunting
in foreign countries to which Jerry listened wide-eyed.
But now, it seemed, his visit had
a purport. There was just a suggestion of swagger
in Jack’s manner at the dinner table where, to
Jerry’s surprise, he wore a jacket and a fluted
shirt.
At the boy’s comment, Jack inhaled
deeply of his cigarette (another operation which Jerry
always regarded with a certain awe) and stated the
object of his visit, which was nothing less than that
of sartorially equipping Jerry for the fray.
“To be well-dressed, my boy,”
he said gayly, “is to show the finishing touch
of a perfect culture. Without well-fitting garments
no man is complete. I am going to clothe you,
Jerry, from the skin out. That’s my privilege.
I shall be the framemaker for Roger’s magnum
opus. And not over my dead body shall you
wear after December twelfth a tartan-cravat.”
(Jerry fingered at the gay bit of ribbon at his neck.)
“If you will remember, our friend Ruskin said
that the man who wears a tartan-cravat will most surely
be damned.”
As you will observe. Jack Ballard
exactly defined sophistication, root and branch.
But his sophistries were always colorful and ornamental
and of course Jerry laughed.
“I’ll take your word for
it, Uncle Jack,” he said. “But you
know I rather like color.”
“Of course, in a rainbow, my
boy. But in a cravat no! The cravat
is the chevron of gentility. You shall see.
Symphonies in browns and gray-greens! I’ll
make you a heart-breaker.”
“Why do you put such rubbish
in his head, Ballard?” I said testily.
“Because he’s got quite
enough essential matter there already,” he laughed.
“For ten years you’ve been packing him
with facts. I have a feeling that if one only
shook Jerry a little, he would disgorge them all dates
of battles, maxims, memorabilia of all sorts, a heterogeneous
mess. He’s full to the brim, I tell you,
and ready to explode. Suppose he did! How
would you like to be hit in the midriff by an apothegm
of Cicero, or be hamstrung by the subjunctive pluperfect
of an irregular French verb?”
Jerry was laughing immoderately, though
I admit such blackface pleasantry appealed little
to my sense of humor. But I found myself smiling.
“Surely you don’t expect to avert this
catastrophe by providing Jerry with a new cravat?”
I urged.
“That is precisely what I do
expect,” he said. “You’ve had
your fling at him, Pope. I’m going to have
mine. Tomorrow a tailor will arrive, also a haberdasher
and a bootmaker. Jerry will be measured from
top to toe. The mountain is coming to Mahomet.”
“Let’s be sure no mouse is born,”
I said dryly.
“Six feet two of country mouse,”
he roared. “Oh, Pope, don’t you worry.
We’ll show you a thing or two, won’t we,
Jerry?”
The tailor, the haberdasher and the
bootmaker came, saw and measured, while Jack sat in
the background, with a sheaf of plates of men’s
clothing in his lap, and gave directions. Jerry
must have felt a great deal like a fool during the
operation for I’m sure he looked one. But
Ballard had his way and not until night did he leave
us to peace and our own devices.
The time for the boy’s emergence
approached, alas, too quickly. A change had come
over the spirit of Jerry’s dreams. I saw
that he was eager to go. It seemed that he already
stood on tiptoe peering forth, eager, straining at
his leash. And since he was no longer content
at Horsham Manor, I reasoned, with regret, that the
sooner he went the better. I had done all I could
for him. His destiny was now in the lap of the
gods.
Everything had been carefully arranged.
The Ballards, elder and younger, were to take him
to the new house in town where Christopher would look
after him. At first Jerry would not listen to
the arrangement. I had for so long been his guide
and philosopher I must continue his friend. He
wanted me with him in New York. But to this I
demurred. Much as I disliked the thought of separation,
I had made up my mind that he must go alone, cut adrift
from all moral support. I had wished to go away,
for having saved practically all my salary for ten
years I was now independent, but at Jerry’s insistent
pleading we compromised. For the present I would
stay on at the Manor and finish my book.
Jerry’s birthday dinner was
an impressive affair. With the two Ballards came
the five solemn co-executors of John Benham’s
will Mr. Stewardson, Mr. da Costa,
Mr. Wrenn, Mr. Walsenberg and Mr. Duhring. And
these, with Jerry, Radford, Flynn, the boxer, and myself
made up the company. Jerry had insisted on having
Flynn and no amount of urging could dissuade him.
Flynn was his friend, he said, more his friend than
Mr. Wrenn, Mr. Duhring or indeed any of the others
whom he barely knew by sight. And so Flynn came.
The elders were solemn and significant,
Jerry, at the head of the table, wearing for the first
time his new finery (under the hypnotism, as he confessed
in a whisper, of the vast expanse of white shirt-front),
trying to look as though he were enjoying himself.
Radford and I were mere onlookers. Flynn was acutely
miserable. Had it not been for Jack Ballard I
fear the conversation would have degenerated into
a discussion of the merits and possibilities of Jerry’s
many “companies.” But every time that
that danger threatened the irrepressible Jack demolished
it with an anecdote. He wasn’t going to
have Jerry’s bud nipped so early, as his own
had been, by the frost of finance. By the time
we had reached the roast, and the champagne, the plutocrats
seemed to realize that the occasion was a birthday
party and not a board meeting.
Over the port there were speeches,
toasts by the plutocrats, one by one, to the newly
risen Railroad King, while Jerry grasped the arms of
his chair, a ballet dancer’s smile on his lips,
trying to look happy. But when Jack got up he
laughed genuinely.
“Gentlemen, I’ve known
our host of this evening almost since he was born.
I have watched with solicitude the rearing of this
infant. I am his fairy godfather. I got
Canby. Thanks to my wisdom, Jerry has now safely
emerged from the baby diseases, and confronts the world
in a boiled shirt. He has kindly consented, I
think, against the advice of his tutor, to permit
me to put the finishing touches on his education.
“Jerry has already been proposed
at three excellent clubs, to two of which he has been
elected today. I have warned him against the
insidious cocktail and the deadly cigarette”
(here Jack puffed at one vigorously) “and have
advised him that ladies were designed by their Maker
for purely ornamental purposes. I am not sure
that he has taken my word for it and will probably
propose to verify my statement according to his reading
of aesthetics. I wish him all success in the
purely scientific side of his investigations.
“As to his career, gentlemen,
I warn you that he will choose it for himself.
If you don’t believe me, I will ask you carefully
to examine the breadth and squareness of his chin.
In proposing Jerry Benham’s health, a superfluous
proceeding at the best, I don’t think I can pay
him a higher tribute than in saying that in addition
to being both a scholar and a gentleman, he is also
the best heavyweight boxer I have ever seen, in the
ring or out of it, and that anyone who expects to
make him do anything he does not want to do, will be
a subject for commiseration or the coroner.
Gentlemen, Jerry Benham!”
Having discharged this bombshell into
the ranks of the plutocrats, Jack sat down. Of
course, everybody laughed, and while they were laughing
Flynn awkwardly got up, perspiring profusely, first
shooting his cuffs and then fingering at his neckband.
“Misther Ballard’s right, gents.
He’s right. I don’t know much about
books, but if Masther Jerry’s as good at edjication
as he is wid his fists, then all I’ve got to
say is that he’s some perfessor.
I’ve been workin’ wid him on an’
off these four year an’ all I’d loike to
say to you, gents, is just this: Don’t
crowd him, don’t crowd him, gents, because
he’s got an uppercut like a ton o’ coal.”
Flynn sat down amid applause and Jerry
rose, flushing happily. I think what Flynn had
said pleased him more than all that had preceded it.
“My friends,” he said
quietly, “I am glad to see you here and hope
that I may prove worthy of your good opinions.
I’m grateful to you and Mr. Ballard, Mr. Stewardson,
Mr. da Costa, Mr. Walsenberg, Mr. Wrenn
and Mr. Duhring for all that you’ve done for
me in here, but I want you all to know that it’s
to Roger Canby that I owe my greatest debt, to Roger
Canby, my tutor, brother, mother, father, friend.”
They wanted me to speak. I could
not. But Jerry understood.
In the library after dinner I overheard
part of a conversation between Ballard the elder and
Mr. Duhring.
“What’s all this rubbish
of Jack’s, Harry, about Jerry having a square
chin. Do you think he’ll be difficult to
manage?”
Henry Ballard smiled.
“Jack can’t resist his
little joke. I’m afraid I’ve spoiled
that boy outrageously.”
“Yes, I rather think you have,” said the
other dryly.