She gave no sign of surprise.
Hilliard read in her face that she had prepared herself
for this encounter.
“Come away where we can talk,” he said
abruptly.
She walked by him to a part of the
station where only a porter passed occasionally.
The echoings beneath the vaulted roof allowed them
to speak without constraint, for their voices were
inaudible a yard or two off. Hilliard would not
look into her face, lest he should be softened to
foolish clemency.
“It’s very kind of you,”
he began, with no clear purpose save the desire of
harsh speech, “to ask me to overlook this trifle,
and let things be as before.”
“I have said all I can
say in the letter. I deserve all your anger.”
That was the note he dreaded, the
too well remembered note of pathetic submission.
It reminded him with intolerable force that he had
never held her by any bond save that of her gratitude.
“Do you really imagine,”
he exclaimed, “that I could go on with make-believe that
I could bring myself to put faith in you again for
a moment?”
“I don’t ask you to,”
Eve replied, in firmer accents. “I have
lost what little respect you could ever feel for me.
I might have repaid you with honesty I
didn’t do even that. Say the worst you can
of me, and I shall think still worse of myself.”
The voice overcame him with a conviction
of her sincerity, and he gazed at her, marvelling.
“Are you honest now?
Anyone would think so; yet how am I to believe it?”
Eve met his eyes steadily.
“I will never again say one
word to you that isn’t pure truth. I am
at your mercy, and you may punish me as you like.”
“There’s only one way
in which I can punish you. For the loss of my
respect, or of my love, you care nothing. If I
bring myself to tell Narramore disagreeable things
about you, you will suffer a disappointment, and that’s
all. The cost to me will be much greater, and
you know it. You pity yourself. You regard
me as holding you ungenerously by an advantage you
once gave me. It isn’t so at all. It
is I who have been held by bonds I couldn’t break,
and from the day when you pretended a love you never
felt, all the blame lay with you.”
“What could I do?”
“Be truthful that was all.”
“You were not content with the
truth. You forced me to think that I could love
you, Only remember what passed between us.”
“Honesty was still possible,
when you came to know yourself better. You should
have said to me in so many words: ’I can’t
look forward to our future with any courage; if I
marry it must be a man who has more to offer.’
Do you think I couldn’t have endured to hear
that? You have never understood me. I should
have said: ’Then let us shake hands, and
I am your friend to help you all I can.’”
“You say that now ”
“I should have said it at any time.”
“But I am not so mean as you
think me. If I loved a man I could face poverty
with him, much as I hate and dread it. It was
because I only liked you, and could not feel more ”
“Your love happens to fall upon a man who has
solid possessions.”
“It’s easy to speak so
scornfully. I have not pretended to love the man
you mean.”
“Yet you have brought him to think that you
are willing to marry him.”
“Without any word of love from
me. If I had been free I would have married him just
because I am sick of the life I lead, and long for
the kind of life he offered me.”
“When it’s too late you are frank enough.”
“Despise me as much as you like.
You want the truth, and you shall hear nothing else
from me.”
“Well, we get near to understanding
each other. But it astonishes me that you spoilt
your excellent chance. How could you hope to carry
through this ”
Eve broke in impatiently.
“I told you in the letter that
I had no hope of it. It’s your mistake
to think me a crafty, plotting, selfish woman.
I’m only a very miserable one it
went on from this to that, and I meant nothing.
I didn’t scheme; I was only tempted into foolishness.
I felt myself getting into difficulties that would
be my ruin, but I hadn’t strength to draw back.”
“You do yourself injustice,”
said Hilliard, coldly. “For the past month
you have acted a part before me, and acted it well.
You seemed to be reconciling yourself to my prospects,
indifferent as they were. You encouraged me talked
with unusual cheerfulness showed a bright
face. If this wasn’t deliberate acting
what did it mean?”
“Yes, it was put on,”
Eve admitted, after a pause. “But I couldn’t
help that. I was obliged to keep seeing you,
and if I had looked as miserable as I felt ”
She broke off. “I tried to behave just like
a friend. You can’t charge me with pretending anything
else. I could be your friend: that
was honest feeling.”
“It’s no use to me. I must have more,
or nothing.”
The flood of passion surged in him
again. Some trick of her voice, or some indescribable
movement of her head the trifles which are
all-powerful over a man in love beat down
his contending reason.
“You say,” he continued,
“that you will make amends for your unfair dealing.
If you mean it, take the only course that shows itself.
Confess to Narramore what you have done; you owe it
to him as much as to me.”
“I can’t do that,”
said Eve, drawing away. “It’s for
you to tell him if you like.”
“No. I had my opportunity,
and let it pass. I don’t mean that you are
to inform him of all there has been between us; that’s
needless. We have agreed to forget everything
that suggests the word I hate. But that you and
I have been lovers and looked I, at all
events to be something more, this you must
let him know.”
“I can never do that.”
“Without it, how are you to disentangle yourself?”
“I promise you he shall see no more of me.”
“Such a promise is idle, and
you know it. Remember, too, that Narramore and
I are friends. He will speak to me of you, and
I can’t play a farce with him. It would
be intolerable discomfort to me, and grossly unfair
to him. Do, for once, the simple, honourable thing,
and make a new beginning. After that, be guided
by your own interests. Assuredly I shall not
stand in your way.”
Eve had turned her eyes in the direction
of crowd and bustle. When she faced Hilliard
again, he saw that she had come to a resolve.
“There’s only one way
out of it for me,” she said impulsively.
“I can’t talk any longer. I’ll
write to you.”
She moved from him; Hilliard followed.
At a distance of half-a-dozen yards, just as he was
about to address her again, she stopped and spoke
“You hate to hear me talk of
‘gratitude.’ I have always meant by
it less than you thought. I was grateful for
the money, not for anything else. When you took
me away, perhaps it was the unkindest thing you could
have done.”
An unwonted vehemence shook her voice.
Her muscles were tense; she stood in an attitude of
rebellious pride.
“If I had been true to myself
then But it isn’t too late.
If I am to act honestly, I know very well what I must
do. I will take your advice.”
Hilliard could not doubt of her meaning.
He remembered his last talk with Patty. This
was a declaration he had not foreseen, and it affected
him otherwise than he could have anticipated.
“My advice had nothing to do
with that,” was his answer, as he read
her face. “But I shall say not a word against
it. I could respect you, at all events.”
“Yes, and I had rather have your respect than
your love.”
With that, she left him. He wished
to pursue, but a physical languor held him motionless.
And when at length he sauntered from the place, it
was with a sense of satisfaction at what had happened.
Let her carry out that purpose: he faced it,
preferred it. Let her be lost to him in that
way rather than any other. It cut the knot, and
left him with a memory of Eve that would not efface
her dishonouring weakness.
Late at night, he walked about the
streets near his home, debating with himself whether
she would act as she spoke, or had only sought to
frighten him with a threat. And still he hoped
that her resolve was sincere. He could bear that
conclusion of their story better than any other unless
it were her death. Better a thousand times than
her marriage with Narramore.
In the morning, fatigue gave voice
to conscience. He had bidden her go, when, perchance,
a word would have checked her. Should he write,
or even go to her straightway and retract what he
had said? His will prevailed, and he did nothing.
The night that followed plagued him
with other misgivings. It seemed more probable
now that she had threatened what she would never have
the courage to perform. She meant it at the moment it
declared a truth but an hour after she would listen
to commonplace morality or prudence. Narramore
would write to her; she might, perhaps, see him again.
She would cling to the baser hope.
Might but the morrow bring him a letter from London!
It brought nothing; and day after
day disappointed him. More than a week passed:
he was ill with suspense, but could take no step for
setting his mind at rest. Then, as he sat one
morning at his work in the architect’s office,
there arrived a telegram addressed to him
“I must see you as soon as possible.
Be here before six. Narramore.”