The larger part of the stalls was
taken up by Lady Ascott’s party; she had a house-party
at Thornton Grange, and had brought all her friends
to Edinburgh to hear Evelyn. Added to which, she
had written to all the people she knew living in Edinburgh,
and within reach of Edinburgh, asking them to come
to the concert, pressing tickets upon them.
“But, my dear, is it really
true that you have left the stage? One never
heard of such a thing before. Now, why did you
do this? You will tell me about it? You
will come to Thornton Grange, won’t you, and
spend a few days with us?”
But in Thornton Grange Evelyn would
meet many of her old friends, and a slight doubt came
into her eyes.
“No, I won’t hear of a
refusal. You are going to Glasgow; Thornton Grange
is on your way there; you can easily spend three days
with us. No, no, no, Evelyn, you must come; I
want to hear all about your religious scruples.”
“That is the last thing I should
like to speak about. Besides, religious scruples,
dear Lady Ascott ”
“Well, then, you shan’t
speak about them at all; nobody will ask you about
them. To tell you the truth, my dear, I don’t
think my friends would understand you if you did.
But you will come; that is the principal thing.
Now, not another word; you mustn’t tire your
voice; you have to sing again.” And Lady
Ascott returned to the concert-hall for the second
part of the programme.
After the concert Evelyn was handed
a letter, saying that she would be expected to-morrow
at Thornton Grange; the trains were as follows:
if she came by this train she would be in time for
tea, and if she came by the other she would be just
in time for dinner.
“She’s a kind soul, and
after all she has done it is difficult to refuse her.”
So Evelyn sent a wire accepting the invitation....
Besides, there was no reason for refusing unless A
knock! Her manager! and he had come to tell her
they had taken more money that night than on any previous
night. “Perhaps Lady Ascott may have some
more friends in Glasgow and will write to them,”
he added as he bade her good-night.
“Three hundred pounds!
Only a few of the star singers would have gathered
as much money into a hall,” and to the dull sound
of gold pieces she fell asleep. But the sound
of gold is the sweetest tribute to the actress’s
vanity, and this tribute Evelyn had missed to some
extent in the preceding concerts; the others were artistic
successes, but money had not flowed in, and a half-empty
concert-room puts an emptiness into the heart of the
concert singer that nothing else can. But the
Edinburgh concert had been different; people had been
more appreciative, her singing had excited more enthusiasm.
Lady Ascott had brought musical people to hear her,
and Evelyn awoke, thinking that she would not miss
seeing Lady Ascott for anything; and while looking
forward to seeing her at Thornton Grange, she thought
of the money she had made for the poor nuns, and then
of the money awaiting her in Glasgow.... It would
be nice if by any chance Lady Ascott were persuaded
to come to Glasgow for the concert, bringing her party
with her. Anything was possible with Lady Ascott;
she would go anywhere to hear music.
“But what an evening!”
and she watched the wet country. A high wind
had been blowing all day, but the storm had begun in
the dusk, and when she arrived at the station the
coachman could hardly get his horses to face the wind
and rain. In answer to her question the footman
told her Thornton Grange was about a mile from the
station; and when the carriage turned into the park
she peered through the wet panes, trying to see the
trees which Owen had often said were the finest in
Scotland; but she could only distinguish blurred masses,
and the yellow panes of a parapeted house.
“How are you, my dear Evelyn?
I’m glad to see you. You’ll find some
friends here.” And Lady Ascott led her through
shadowy drawing-rooms curtained with red silk hangings,
filled with rich pictures, china vases, books, marble
consol tables on which stood lamps and tall candles.
Owen came forward to meet her.
“I am so glad to meet you, Miss
Innes! You didn’t expect to see me?
I hope you’re not sorry.”
“No, Sir Owen, I’m not
sorry; but this is a surprise, for Lady Ascott didn’t
tell me. Were you at the concert?”
“No, I couldn’t go; I
was too ill. It was a privation to remain at
home thinking What did you sing?”
Evelyn looked at him shrewdly, believing
only a little in his illness, and nearly convinced
he had not gone to the concert because he wished to
keep his presence a secret from her... fearing she
would not come to Thornton Grange if she knew he were
there.
“He missed a great deal; I told
him so when I returned,” said Lady Ascott.
“But what can one do, Miss Innes,
when one is ill? The best music in the world even
your voice when one is ill . Tell me what
you sang.”
“Evelyn is going to sing at
Glasgow; you will be able to go there with her.”
The servant announced another guest
and Lady Ascott went forward to meet him. Guest
after guest, and all were greeted with little cries
of fictitious intimacy; and each in turn related his
or her journey, and the narratives were chequered
with the names of other friends who had been staying
in the houses they had just come from. Evelyn
listened, thinking of her poor people, contrasting
their simplicities with the artificialities of the
gang that is how she put it to herself which
ran about from one house to another, visiting, calling
itself Society, talking always, changing the conversation
rapidly, never interested in any subject sufficiently
to endure it for more than a minute and a half.
The life of these people seemed to Evelyn artificial
as that of white mice, coming in by certain doors,
going out by others, climbing poles, engaged in all
kinds of little tricks; yet she was delighted to find
herself among them all again, for her life had been
dull and tedious since she left the convent; and this
sudden change, taking her back to art and to her old
friends, was very welcome; and the babble of all these
people about her inveigled her out of her new self;
and she liked to hear about so many people, their
adventures, their ideas, misfortunes, precocious caprices.
The company had broken up into groups,
and one little group, of which Evelyn was part, had
withdrawn into a corner to discuss its own circle
of friends; and all the while Evelyn’s face smiled,
her eyes and her lips and her thoughts were atingle.
Nonsense! Yes, it was nonsense! But what
delicious nonsense! and she waited for somebody to
speak of Canary the “love machine,”
as he was called. No sooner had the thought come
into her mind than somebody mentioned his name, telling
how Beatrice, after sending him away in the luggage-cart,
had yielded and taken him back again. “He
is her interest,” Evelyn said to herself, and
she heard that Canary still continued to cause Beatrice
great unhappiness; and some interesting stories were
told of her quarrels all her quarrels were
connected with Canary. One of the most serious
was with Miss , who had gone for
a walk with him in the morning; and the guests at
Thornton Grange were divided regarding Miss ’s
right to ask Canary to go for a walk with her, for,
of course, she had come down early for the purpose,
knowing well that Beatrice never came downstairs before
lunch.
“Quite so.” The young
man was listened to, and he continued to argue for
a long while that it was not reasonable for a woman
to expect a man to spend the whole morning reading
the Times, and that apparently was what Beatrice
wished poor Canary to do until she chose to come down.
Nevertheless, the general opinion was in favour of
Beatrice and against the girl.
“Beatrice has been so kind to
her,” and everybody had something to say on
this point.
“But what happened?” Evelyn
asked, and the leader of this conversation, a merry
little face with eyes like wild flowers and a great
deal of shining hair, told of Beatrice’s desperate
condition when the news of Miss ’s
betrayal reached her.
“I went up and found her in
tears, her hair hanging down her back, saying that
nobody cared for her. Although she spends three
thousand a year on clothes, she sits up in that bedroom
in a dressing-gown that we have known for the last
five years. “Well, Beatrice,” I said,
“if you’ll only put on a pair of stays
and dress yourself and come downstairs, perhaps somebody
will care for you.”
A writer upon economic subjects who
trailed a black lock of hair over a bald skull declared
he could see the scene in Beatrice’s bedroom
quite clearly, and he spoke of her woolly poodle looking
on, trying to understand what it was all about, and
his allusion to the poodle made everybody laugh, for
some reason not very apparent, and Evelyn wondered
at the difference between the people she was now among
and those she had left the nuns in their
convent at the edge of Wimbledon Common, and her thoughts
passing back, she remembered the afternoon in the
Savoy Hotel spent among her fellow-artists.
Her reverie endured, she did not know
how long; only that she was awakened from it by Lady
Ascott, come to tell her it was time to go upstairs
to dress for dinner. Now with whom would she go
down? With Owen, of course, such was the etiquette
in houses like Thornton Grange. It was possible
Lady Ascott might look upon them as married people
and send her down with somebody else one
of those young men! No! The young men would
be reserved for the girls. As she suspected,
she went down with Owen. He did not tell her where
he had been since she last saw him; intimate conversation
was impossible amid a glitter of silver dishes and
anecdotes of people they knew; but after dinner in
a quiet corner she would hear his story. And as
soon as the men came up from the dining-room Owen
went straight towards her, and she followed him out
of hearing of the card-players.
“At last we are alone.
My gracious! how I’ve looked forward to this
little talk with you, all through that long dinner,
and the formal talk with the men afterwards, listening
to infernal politics and still more infernal hunting.
You didn’t expect to meet me, did you?”
“No; Lady Ascott said nothing
about your being here when she came to the concert.”
“And perhaps you wouldn’t
have come if you had known I was here?”
“Is that why you didn’t come to the concert?”
“Well, Evelyn, I suppose it
was. You’ll forgive me the trickery, won’t
you?” She took his hand and held it for a moment.
“That touch of your hand means more to me than
anything in the world.” A cloud came into
her face which he saw and it pained him to see it.
“Lady Ascott wrote saying she intended to ask
you to Thornton Grange, so I wrote at once asking
her if she could put me up; she guessed an estrangement,
and being a kind woman, was anxious to put it right.”
“An estrangement, Owen?
But there is no estrangement between us?”
“No estrangement?”
“Well, no, Owen, not what I should call an estrangement.”
“But you sent me away, saying
I shouldn’t see you for three months. Now
three months have passed haven’t I
been obedient?”
“Have three months passed?”
“Yes; It was in August you sent me away and
now we are in November.”
“Three months all but a fortnight.”
“The last time I saw you was
the day you went to Wimbledon to sing for the nuns.
They have captured you; you are still singing for
them.”
“You mustn’t say a word
against the nuns,” and she told anecdotes about
the convent which interested her, but which provoked
him even to saying under his breath, “Miserable
folk!”
“I won’t allow you to speak like that
against my friends.”
Owen apologised, saying they had taken
her from him. “And you can’t expect
me to sympathise with people or with an idea that has
done this? It wouldn’t be human, and I
don’t think you would like me any better if
I did now would you, Evelyn? Can you
say that you would, honestly, hand upon your heart? if
a heart is beating there still.”
“A heart is beating ”
“I mean if a human heart is beating.”
“It seems to me, Owen, I am
just as human, more human than ever, only it is a
different kind of humanity.”
“Pedantry doesn’t suit
women, nor does cruelty; cruelty suits no one and
you were very cruel when we parted.”
“Yes, I suppose I was, and it
is always wrong to be cruel. But I had to send
you away; if I hadn’t I should have been late
for the concert. You don’t realise, Owen,
you can’t realise ” And as she
said those words her face seemed to freeze, and Owen
thought of the idea within her turning her to ice.
“The wind! Isn’t
it uncanny? You don’t know the glen?
One of the most beautiful in Scotland.”
And he spoke of the tall pines at the end of it, the
finest he had ever seen, and hoped that not many would
be blown down during the night. “Such a
storm as this only happens once in ten years.
Good God, listen!” Like a savage beast the wind
seemed to skulk, and to crouch.... It sprang
forward and seized the house and shook it. Then
it died away, and there was stillness for a few minutes.
“But it is only preparing for
another attack,” Evelyn said, and they listened,
hearing the wind far away gathering itself like a robber
band, determined this time to take the castle by assault.
Every moment it grew louder, till it fell at last
with a crash upon the roof.
“But what a fool I am to talk
to you about the wind, not having seen you for three
months! Surely there is something else for us
to talk about?”
“I would sooner you spoke about the wind, Owen.”
“It is cruel of you to say so,
for there is only one subject worth talking about yourself.
How can I think of any other? When I am alone
in Berkeley Square I can only think of the idea which
came into your head and made a different woman of
you.” Evelyn refrained from saying “And
a much better woman,” and Owen went on to tell
how the idea had seized her in Pisa. “Remember,
Evelyn, it played you a very ugly trick then.
I’m not sure if I ought to remind you.”
“You mean when you found me
sitting on the wall of an olive-garth? But there
was no harm in singing to the peasants.”
“And when I found you in a little
chapel on the way to the pine-forest the
forest in which you met Ulick Dean. What has become
of that young man?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard
of him.”
“You once nearly went out of your mind on his
account.”
“Because I thought he had killed himself.”
“Or because you thought you wouldn’t be
able to resist him?”
Evelyn did not answer, and looking
through the rich rooms, unconsciously admiring the
gleaming of the red silk hangings in the lamplight,
and the appearance of a portrait standing in the midst
of its dark background and gold frame, she discovered
some of the guests: two women leaning back in
a deep sofa amid cushions confiding to each other
the story of somebody’s lover, no doubt; and
past them, to the right of a tall pillar, three players
looked into the cards, one stood by, and though Owen
and Evelyn were thinking of different things they
could not help noticing the whiteness of the men’s
shirt fronts, and the aigrette sprays in the women’s
hair, and the shapely folds of the silken dresses
falling across the carpet.
“Not one of these men and women
here think as you do; they are satisfied to live.
Why can’t you do the same?”
“I am different from them.”
“But what is there different in you?”
“You don’t think then, Owen, that every
one has a destiny?”
“Evelyn, dear, how can you think
these things? We are utterly unimportant; millions
and billions of beings have preceded us, billions
will succeed us. So why should it be so important
that a woman should be true to her lover?”
“Does it really seem to you an utterly unimportant
matter?”
“Not nearly so important as
losing the woman one loves.” And looking
into her face as he might into a book, written in a
language only a few words of which he understood,
he continued: “And the idea seems to have
absorbed you, to have made its own of you; it isn’t
religion, I don’t think you are a religious woman.
You usen’t to be like this when I took you away
to Paris. You were in love with me, but not half
so much in love with me as you are now with this idea,
not so subjugated. Evelyn, that is what it is,
you are subjugated, enslaved, and you can think of
nothing else.”
“Well, if that is so, Owen and
I won’t say you are utterly wrong
why can’t you accept things as they are?”
“But it isn’t true, Evelyn?
You will outlive this idea. You will be cured.”
“I hope not.”
“You hope not? Well, if
you don’t wish to be cured it will be difficult
to cure you. But now, here in this house, where
everything is different, do you not feel the love
of life coming back upon you? And can you accept
negation willingly as your fate?”
Evelyn asked Owen what he meant and he said:
“Well, your creed is a negative
one that no man shall ever take you in
his arms again, saying, ‘Darling, I am so fond
of you!’ You would have me believe that you
will be true to this creed? But don’t I
know how dear that moment is to you? No, you will
not always think as you do now; you will wake up as
from a nightmare, you will wake up.”
“Do you think I shall?”
Soon after their talk drifted to Lady Ascott and to
her guests, and Owen narrated the latest intrigues
and the mistake Lady Ascott had been guilty of by
putting So-and-so and So-and-so to sleep in the same
corridor, not knowing that their liaison had
been broken off at least three months before.
“Jim is now in love with Constance.”
“How very horrible!”
“Horrible? It is that fellow
Mostyn who has put these ideas into your head!”
“He has put nothing into my head, Owen.”
“Upon my word I believe you’re
right. It is none of his doing. But he has
got the harvesting; ah, yes, and the nuns, too.
You never loved me as you love this idea, Evelyn?”
“Do you think not?”
“When you were studying music
in Paris you were quite willing I should go away for
a year.”
“But I repaid you for it afterwards;
you can’t say I didn’t. There were
ten years in which I loved you. How is it you
have never reproached me before?”
“Why should I? But now
I’ve come to the end of the street; there is
a blank wall in front of me.”
“You make me very miserable by talking like
this.”
They sat without speaking, and Lady
Ascott’s interruption was welcome.
“Now, my dear Sir Owen, will
you forgive me if I ask Evelyn to sing for us?
You’d like to hear her sing wouldn’t
you?”
Owen sprang to his feet.
“Of course, of course.
Come, Miss Innes, you will sing for us. I have
been boring you long enough, haven’t I?
And you’ll be glad to get to the piano.
Who will accompany you?”
“You, Sir Owen, if you will be kind enough.”
The card-players were glad to lay
down their cards and the women to cease talking of
their friends’ love affairs. All the world
over it is the same, a soprano voice subjugating all
other interests; soprano or tenor, baritone much less,
contralto still less. Many came forward to thank
her, and, a little intoxicated with her success, she
began to talk to some of her women friends, thinking
it unwise to go back into a shadowy corner with Owen,
making herself the subject of remark; for though her
love story with Owen Asher had long ceased to be talked
about, a new interest in it had suddenly sprung up,
owing to the fact that she had sent Owen away, and
was thinking of becoming a nun even to
such an extent her visit to the convent had been exaggerated;
and as the women lagging round her had begun to try
to draw from her an account of the motives which had
induced her to leave the stage, and the moment not
seeming opportune, even if it were not ridiculous
at any moment to discuss spiritual endeavour with
these women, she determined to draw a red herring
across the trail. She told them that the public
were wearying of Wagner’s operas, taste was
changing, light opera was coming into fashion.
“And in light opera I should
have no success whatever, so I was obliged to turn
from the stage to the concert-room.”
“We thought it was the religious element in
Wagner.”
A card party had come from a distant
drawing-room and joined in the discussion regarding
the decline of art, and it was agreed that motor-cars
had done a great deal to contribute perhaps
they had nothing to do with the decline of Wagner but
they had contributed to the decline of interest in
things artistic. This was the opinion of two
or three agreeable, good-looking young men; and Evelyn
forgot the women whom she had previously been talking
to; and turning to the men, she engaged in conversation
and talked on and on until the clock struck eleven.
Then the disposition of every one was for bed.
Whispers went round, and Lady Ascott trotted upstairs
with Evelyn, hoping she would find her room comfortable.
It was indeed a pleasant room, wearing
an air of youthfulness, thanks to its chintz curtains.
The sofa was winning and the armchairs desirable,
and there were books and a reading-lamp if Evelyn should
feel disposed to draw the armchair by the fire and
read for an hour before going to bed. The writing-table
itself, with its pens and its blotting-book, and notepaper
so prettily stamped, seemed intended to inveigle the
occupant of the room into correspondence with every
friend she had in the world; and Evelyn began to wonder
to whom she might write a letter as soon as Lady Ascott
left the room.
The burning wood shed a pleasant odour
which mingled pleasantly with that of the dressing-table;
and she wandered about the room, her mind filled with
vague meditations, studying the old engravings, principally
pictures of dogs and horses, hounds and men, going
out to shoot in bygone costumes, with long-eared spaniels
to find the game for them. There was a multitude
of these pictures on the walls, and Evelyn wondered
who was her next-door neighbour. Was it Owen?
Or was he down at the end of the passage? In
a house like Thornton Grange the name of every one
was put on his or her door, so that visitors should
not wander into the wrong room by accident, creating
dismay and provoking scandal. Owen, where was
he? A prayer was offered up that he might be
at the other end of the house. It would not be
right if Lady Ascott had placed him in the adjoining
room, it really would not be right, and she regretted
her visit. What evil thing had tempted her into
this house, where everything was an appeal to the
senses, everything she had seen since she had entered
the house food, wine, gowns? There
was, however, a bolt to her door, and she drew it,
forgetful that sin visits us in solitude, and more
insidiously than when we are in the midst of crowds;
and as she dozed in the scented room, amid the fine
linen, silk, and laces, the sins which for generations
had been committed in this house seemed to gather
substance, and even shape; a strange phantasmata trooped
past her, some seeming to bewail their sins, while
others indulged themselves with each other, or turned
to her, inciting her to sin with them, until one of
them whispered in her ear that Owen was coming to
her room, and then she knew that at his knock her strength
would fail her, and she would let him in.
Her temptations disappeared and then
returned to her; at last she saw Owen coming towards
her. He leaned over the bed, and she saw his
lips, and his voice sounded in her ears. It told
her that he had been waiting for her; why hadn’t
she come to his room? And why had he found her
door bolted? Then like one bereft of reason, she
slipped out of bed and went towards the door, seeing
him in the lucidity of her dream clearly at the end
of the passage; it was not until her hand rested on
the handle of his door that a singing began in the
night. The first voice was joined by another,
and then by another, and she recognised the hymn,
for it was one, the Veni Creator, and the singers
were nuns. The singing grew more distinct, the
singers were approaching her, and she retreated before
them to her room; the room filled with plain chant,
and then the voices seemed to die or to be borne away
on the wind which moaned about the eaves and aloft
in the chimneys. Turning in her bed, she saw the
dying embers. She was in her room only
a dream, no more. Was that all? she asked as
she lay in her bed singing herself to sleep, into
a sleep so deep that she did not wake from it until
her maid came to ask her if she would have breakfast
in her room or if she were going down to breakfast.
“I will get up at once, Merat,
and do you look out a train, or ask the butler to
look out one for you; we are going to Glasgow by the
first quick train.”
“But I thought Mademoiselle
was going to stay here till Monday.”
“Yes, Merat, I know, so did
I; but I have changed my mind. You had better
begin to pack at once, for there is certain to be a
train about twelve.”
Evelyn saw that the devoted Merat
was annoyed; as well she might be, for Thornton Grange
was a pleasant house for valets and lady’s maids.
“Some new valet,” Evelyn thought, and she
was sorry to drag Merat away from him, for Merat’s
sins were her own no one was answerable
for another; there was always that in her mind; and
what applied to her did not apply to anybody else.
“Dear Lady Ascott, you’ll
forgive me?” she said during breakfast, “but
I have to go to Glasgow this afternoon. I am obliged
to leave by an early train.”
“Sir Owen, will you try to persuade
her? Get her some omelette, and I will pour out
some coffee. Which will you have, dear? Tea
or coffee? Everybody will be so disappointed;
we have all been looking forward to some singing to-night.”
Expostulations and suggestions went
round the table, and Evelyn was glad when breakfast
was over; and to escape from all this company, she
accepted Owen’s proposal to go for a walk.
“You haven’t seen my garden,
or the cliffs? Sir Owen, I count upon you to
persuade her to stay until to-morrow, and you will
show her the glen, won’t you? And you’ll
tell me how many trees we have lost in last night’s
storm.”
Owen and Evelyn left the other guests
talking of how they had lain awake last night listening
to the wind.
“Shall we go this way, round
by the lake, towards the glen? Lady Ascott is
very disappointed; she said so to me just now.”
“You mean about my leaving?”
“Yes, of course, after all she
had done for you, the trouble she had taken about
the Edinburgh concert. Of course they all like
to hear you sing; they may not understand very well,
still they like it, everybody likes to hear a soprano.
You might stay.”
“I’m very sorry, Owen,
I’m sorry to disappoint Lady Ascott, who is a
kindly soul, but well, it raises the whole
question up again. When one has made up one’s
mind to live a certain kind of life ”
“But, Evelyn, who is preventing
you from living up to your ideal? The people
here don’t interfere with you? Nobody came
knocking at your door last night?”
“No.”
“I didn’t come, and I
was next door to you. Didn’t it seem strange
to you, Evelyn, that I should sleep so near and not
come to say good-night? But I knew you wouldn’t
like it, so I resisted the temptation.”
“Was that the only reason?”
“What do you mean?”
“Of course, I know you wouldn’t
do anything that would displease me; you’ve
been very kind, more kind than I deserve, but ”
“But what?”
“Well, it’s hard to express it. Nothing
happened to prevent you?”
“Prevent me?”
“I don’t mean that you
were actually prevented, but was there another reason?”
“You mean a sudden scruple of
conscience? My conscience is quite healthy.”
“Then what stayed you was no
more than a fear of displeasing me? And you wanted
to come to see me, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. Well,
perhaps there was another reason... only... no, there
was no other reason.”
“But there was; you have admitted
that there was. Do tell me.”
And Owen told her that something seemed
to have held him back when the thought came of going
to her room. “It was really very strange.
The thought was put into my mind suddenly that it would
be better for me not to go to your room.”
“No more than a sudden thought?
But the thought was very clear and distinct?”
“Yes; but between waking and
sleeping thoughts are unusually distinct.”
“You don’t believe in
miracles, Owen?” And she told him of her dream
and her sudden awaking, and the voices heard in her
ears at first, then in the room, and then about the
house. “So you see the nuns kept us apart.”
“And you believe in these things?”
“How can I do otherwise?”
Owen sighed, and they walked on a
few paces. The last leaves were dancing; the
woods were cold and wet, the heavy branches of the
fir-trees dripping with cold rain, and in the walks
a litter of chestnut-leaves.
“Not a space of blue in the
sky, only grey. It will be drearier still in
Glasgow; you had better stay here,” he said,
as they walked round the little lake, watching the
water-fowl moving in and out of the reeds, and they
talked for some time of Riversdale, of the lake there,
and the ducks which rose in great numbers and flew
round and round the park, dropping one by one into
the water. “You will never see Riversdale
again, perhaps?”
“Perhaps not,” she answered;
and hearing her say it, his future life seemed to
him as forlorn as the landscape.
“What will you do? What
will become of you? What strange transformation
has taken place in you?”
“If But what is the use of going
over it again?”
“If what?”
“What would you have me do?
Marriage would only ruin you, Owen, make you very
unhappy. Why do you want me to enter on a life
which I feel isn’t mine, and which could only
end in disaster for both of us.” He asked
her why it would end in disaster, and she answered,
“It is impossible to lay bare one’s whole
heart. When one changes one’s ideas one
changes one’s friends.”
“Because one’s friends
are only the embodiment of one’s ideas.
But I cannot admit that you would be unhappy as my
wife.”
“Everybody is unhappy when they
are not doing what Nature intended them to do.”
“And what did Nature intend
you to do? Only to sing operas?”
“I should be sorry to think
Nature intended me for nothing else. Would you
have me go on singing operas? I don’t want
to appear unreasonable, but how could I go on singing
even if I wished to go on? The taste has changed;
you will admit that light opera is the fashion, and
I shouldn’t succeed in light opera. Whatever
I do you praise, but you know in the bottom of your
heart there are only a few parts which I play well.
You may deceive yourself, you do so because you wish
to do so, but I have no wish to deceive myself and
I know that I was never a great singer; a good singer,
an interesting singer in certain parts if you like,
but no more. You will admit that?”
“No, I don’t admit anything
of the kind. If you leave the stage what will
you do with your time? Your art, your friends ”
“No one can figure anybody else’s
life: everybody has interests and occupations,
not things that interest one’s neighbour, but
things that interest herself.”
“So it is because light opera
has come into fashion again that you are going to
give up singing? Such a thing never happened before:
a woman who succeeded on the stage, who has not yet
failed, whose voice is still fresh, who is in full
possession of her art, to say suddenly, ’Money
and applause are nothing to me, I prefer a few simple
nuns to art and society.’ Nothing seems
to happen in life, life is always the same; rien
ne change maïs pourtant tout arrive, even the
rare event of a successful actress relinquishing the
stage.”
“It is odd,” she said
as they followed the path through the wintry wood,
startled now and again by a rabbit at the end of the
alley, by a cock pheasant rising up suddenly out of
the yew hedges, and, beguiled by the beauty of the
trees, they passed on slowly, pausing to think what
a splendid sight a certain wild cherry must be in the
spring-time. At the end of the wood Owen returned
to the subject of their conversation.
“Yes, it is strange that an
actress should give up her art.”
“But, Owen, it isn’t so
strange in my case as in any other; for you know I
was always a hothouse flower. You took me away
to Paris and had me trained regardless of expense,
and with your money it was easy to get an engagement.”
“My money had nothing to do with your engagements.”
“Perhaps not; but I only sang
when it pleased me; I could always say, ’Well,
my good man, go to So-and-so, she will sing for you
any parts you please’; but I can only sing the
parts I like.”
“You think, then, that if you
had lived the life of a real actress, working your
way up from the bottom, what has happened wouldn’t
have happened; is that what you mean?”
“It is impossible for me to
answer you. One would have to live one’s
life over again.”
“I suppose no one will ever
know how much depends upon the gift we bring into
the world with us, and how much upon circumstances,”
and Owen compared the gift to the father’s seed
and circumstances to the mother’s womb.
“So you are quite determined?”
And they philosophised as they went, on life and its
meaning, on death and love, admiring the temples which
an eighteenth-century generation had built on the hillsides.
“Here are eight pillars on either side and four
at either end, serving no purpose whatever, not even
shelter from the rain. Never again in this world
will people build things for mere beauty,” Owen
said, and they passed into the depths of the wood,
discovering another temple, and in it a lad and lass.
“You see these temples do serve
for something. Why are we not lovers?”
And they passed on again, Owen’s heart filled
with his sorrow and Evelyn’s with her determination.
She was leaving by the one train,
and when they got back to the house the carriage was
waiting for her.
“Good-bye, Owen.”
“Am I not to see you again?”
“Yes, you will see me one of these days.”
“And that was all the promise
she could make me,” he said, rushing into Lady
Ascott’s boudoir, disturbing her in the midst
of her letters. “So ends a liaison
which has lasted for more than ten years. Good
God, had I known that she would have spoken to me like
this when I saw her in Dulwich!”
Even so he felt he would have acted
just as he had acted, and he went to his room thinking
that the rest of his life would be recollection.
“She is still in the train, going away from me,
intent on her project, absorbed in her desire of a
new life ... this haunting which has come upon her.”