A change came at last, when Dolly
was ten years old. Among the men of whom Herminia
saw most in these later days, were the little group
of advanced London socialists who call themselves the
Fabians. And among her Fabian friends one of
the most active, the most eager, the most individual,
was Harvey Kynaston.
He was a younger man by many years
than poor Alan had been; about Herminia’s own
age; a brilliant economist with a future before him.
He aimed at the Cabinet. When first he met Herminia
he was charmed at one glance by her chastened beauty,
her breadth and depth of soul, her transparent sincerity
of purpose and action. Those wistful eyes captured
him. Before many days passed he had fallen in
love with her. But he knew her history; and,
taking it for granted she must still be immersed in
regret for Alan’s loss, he hardly even reckoned
the chances of her caring for him.
’Tis a common case. Have
you ever noticed that if you meet a woman, famous
for her connection with some absorbing grief, some
historic tragedy, you are half appalled at first sight
to find that at times she can laugh, and make merry,
and look gay with the rest of us. Her callous
glee shocks you. You mentally expect her to be
forever engaged in the tearful contemplation of her
own tragic fate; wrapt up in those she has lost, like
the mourners in a Pieta. Whenever you have thought
of her, you have connected her in your mind with that
one fact in her history, which perhaps may have happened
a great many years ago. But to you, it is as
yesterday. You forget that since then many things
have occurred to her. She has lived her life;
she has learned to smile; human nature itself cannot
feed for years on the continuous contemplation of its
own deepest sorrows. It even jars you to find
that the widow of a patriotic martyr, a murdered missionary,
has her moments of enjoyment, and must wither away
without them.
So, just at first, Harvey Kynaston
was afraid to let Herminia see how sincerely he admired
her. He thought of her rather as one whose life
is spent, who can bring to the banquet but the cold
dead ashes of a past existence. Gradually, however,
as he saw more and more of her, it began to strike
him that Herminia was still in all essentials a woman.
His own throbbing heart told him so as he sat and
talked with her. He thrilled at her approach.
Bit by bit the idea rose up in his mind that this
lonely soul might still be won. He set to work
in earnest to woo and win her.
As for Herminia, many men had paid
her attentions already in her unwedded widowhood.
Some of them, after the fashion of men, having heard
garbled versions of her tragic story, and seeking to
gain some base advantage for themselves from their
knowledge of her past, strove to assail her crudely.
Them, with unerring womanly instinct, she early discerned,
and with unerring feminine tact, undeceived and humbled.
Others, genuinely attracted by her beauty and her
patience, paid real court to her heart; but all these
fell far short of her ideal standard. With Harvey
Kynaston it was different. She admired him as
a thinker; she liked him as a man; and she felt from
the first moment that no friend, since Alan died,
had stirred her pulse so deeply as he did.
For some months they met often at
the Fabian meetings and elsewhere; till at last it
became a habit with them to spend their Sunday mornings
on some breezy wold in the country together.
Herminia was still as free as ever from any shrinking
terror as to what “people might say;”
as of old, she lived her life for herself and her
conscience, not for the opinion of a blind and superstitious
majority. On one such August morning, they had
taken the train from London to Haslemere, with Dolly
of course by their side, and then had strolled up
Hind Head by the beautiful footpath which mounts at
first through a chestnut copse, and then between heather-clad
hills to the summit. At the loneliest turn of
the track, where two purple glens divide, Harvey Kynaston
seated himself on the soft bed of ling; Herminia sank
by his side; and Dolly, after awhile, not understanding
their conversation, wandered off by herself a little
way afield in search of harebells and spotted orchises.
Dolly found her mother’s friends were apt to
bore her; she preferred the society of the landlady’s
daughters.
It was a delicious day. Hard
by, a slow-worm sunned himself on the basking sand.
Blue dragon-flies flashed on gauze wings in the hollows.
Harvey Kynaston looked on Herminia’s face and
saw that she was fair. With an effort he made
up his mind to speak at last. In plain and simple
words he asked her reverently the same question that
Alan had asked her so long ago on the Holmwood.
Herminia’s throat flushed a
rosy red, and an unwonted sense of pleasure stole
over that hard-worked frame as she listened to his
words; for indeed she was fond of him. But she
answered him at once without a moment’s hesitation.
“Harvey, I’m glad you ask me, for I like
and admire you. But I feel sure beforehand my
answer must be no. For I think what you
mean is to ask, will I marry you?”
The man gazed at her hard. He
spoke low and deferentially. “Yes, Herminia,”
he replied. “I do mean, will you marry
me? I know, of course, how you feel about this
matter; I know what you have sacrificed, how deeply
you have suffered, for the sake of your principles.
And that’s just why I plead with you now to
ignore them. You have given proof long ago of
your devotion to the right. You may surely fall
back this second time upon the easier way of ordinary
humanity. In theory, Herminia, I accept your
point of view; I approve the equal liberty of men
and women, politically, socially, personally, ethically.
But in practice, I don’t want to bring unnecessary
trouble on the head of a woman I love; and to live
together otherwise than as the law directs does bring
unnecessary trouble, as you know too profoundly.
That is the only reason why I ask you to marry me.
And Herminia, Herminia,” he leant forward appealingly,
“for the love’s sake I bear you, I hope
you will consent to it.”
His voice was low and tender.
Herminia, sick at heart with that long fierce struggle
against overwhelming odds, could almost have said
yes to him. Her own nature prompted her;
she was very, very fond of him. But she paused
for a second. Then she answered him gravely.
“Harvey,” she said, looking
deep into his honest brown eyes, “as we grow
middle-aged, and find how impossible it must ever be
to achieve any good in a world like this, how sad
a fate it is to be born a civilized being in a barbaric
community, I’m afraid moral impulse half dies
down within us. The passionate aim grows cold;
the ardent glow fades and flickers into apathy.
I’m ashamed to tell you the truth, it seems
such weakness; yet as you ask me this, I think I will
tell you. Once upon a time, if you had made such
a proposal to me, if you had urged me to be false
to my dearest principles, to sin against the light,
to deny the truth, I would have flashed forth a no
upon you without one moment’s hesitation.
And now, in my disillusioned middle age what do I feel?
Do you know, I almost feel tempted to give way to
this Martinmas summer of love, to stultify my past
by unsaying and undoing everything. For I love
you, Harvey. If I were to give way now, as George
Eliot gave way, as almost every woman who once tried
to live a free life for her sisters’ sake, has
given way in the end, I should counteract any little
good my example has ever done or may ever do in the
world; and Harvey, strange as it sounds, I feel more
than half inclined to do it. But I will
not, I will not; and I’ll tell you why.
It’s not so much principle that prevents me
now. I admit that freely. The torpor of
middle age is creeping over my conscience. It’s
simple regard for personal consistency, and for Dolly’s
position. How can I go back upon the faith for
which I have martyred myself? How can I say
to Dolly, ’I wouldn’t marry your father
in my youth, for honor’s sake; but I have consented
in middle life to sell my sisters’ cause for
a man I love, and for the consideration of society;
to rehabilitate myself too late with a world I despise
by becoming one man’s slave, as I swore I never
would be.’ No, no, dear Harvey; I can’t
do that. Some sense of personal continuity restrains
me still. It is the Nemesis of our youth; we
can’t go back in our later life on the holier
and purer ideals of our girlhood.”
“Then you say no definitely?” Harvey Kynaston
asked.
Herminia’s voice quivered.
“I say no definitely,” she answered;
“unless you can consent to live with me on the
terms on which I lived with Dolly’s father.”
The man hesitated a moment.
Then he began to plead hard for reconsideration.
But Herminia’s mind was made up. She couldn’t
belie her past; she couldn’t be false to the
principles for whose sake she had staked and lost
everything. “No, no,” she said firmly,
over and over again. “You must take me
my own way, or you must go without me.”
And Harvey Kynaston couldn’t
consent to take her her own way. His faith was
too weak, his ambitions were too earthly. “Herminia,”
he said, before they parted that afternoon, “we
may still be friends; still dear friends as ever?
This episode need make no difference to a very close
companionship?”
“It need make no difference,”
Herminia answered, with a light touch of her hand.
“Harvey, I have far too few friends in the world
willingly to give up one of them. Come again
and go down with Dolly and me to Hind Head as usual
next Sunday.”
“Thank you,” the man answered.
“Herminia, I wish it could have been otherwise.
But since I must never have you, I can promise you
one thing; I will never marry any other woman.”
Herminia started at the words.
“Oh, no,” she cried quickly. “How
can you speak like that? How can you say anything
so wrong, so untrue, so foolish? To be celibate
is a very great misfortune even for a woman; for a
man it is impossible, it is cruel, it is wicked.
I endure it myself, for my child’s sake, and
because I find it hard to discover the help meet for
me; or because, when discovered, he refuses to accept
me in the only way in which I can bestow myself.
But for a man to pretend to live celibate is to cloak
hateful wrong under a guise of respectability.
I should be unhappy if I thought any man was doing
such a vicious thing out of desire to please me.
Take some other woman on free terms if you can; but
if you cannot, it is better you should marry than
be a party to still deeper and more loathsome slavery.”
And from that day forth they were
loyal friends, no more, one to the other.