But youth is rich in hope, and at
noon, when Glory awoke, the thought of Drake flashed
upon her like light in a dark place. He had compelled
Lord Robert to assist Polly in a worse extremity,
and he would assist her in her present predicament.
How often he had hinted that the hospital was not
good enough for her, and that some day and somewhere
Fate would find other work for her and another sphere.
The time had come; she would appeal to him, and he
would hasten to help her.
She began to revive the magnificent
dreams that had floated in her mind for months.
No need to tell the people at home of her dismissal
and disgrace; no need to go back to the island.
She would be somebody in her own right yet. Of
course, she would have to study, to struggle, to endure
disappointments, but she would triumph in the end.
And when at length she was great and famous she would
be good to other poor girls; and as often as she thought
of John Storm in his solitude in his cell, though there
might be a pang, a red stream running somewhere within,
she would comfort herself with the thought that she,
too, was doing her best; she, too, had her place,
and it was a useful and worthy one.
Before that time came, however, there
would be managers to influence and engagements to
seek, and perhaps teachers to pay for. But Drake
was rich and generous and powerful; he had a great
opinion of her talents, and he would stop at nothing.
Leaping out of bed, she sat down at
the table as she was and wrote to him:
“Dear Mr. Drake: Try to
see me to-night. I want your advice immediately.
What do you think? I have got myself ‘noticed’
at last, and as a consequence I am to leave at the
end of my term. So things are urgent, you see.
I ‘wave my lily hand’ to you. Glory.
“P.S.save time I
suggest the hour and the place: eight o’clock,
St. James’s Park, by the bridge going down from
Marlborough House.”
Drake received this note as he was
sitting alone in his chambers smoking a cigarette
after drinking a cup of tea, in that hour of glamour
that is between the lights. It seemed to bring
with it a secret breath of passion out of the atmosphere
in which it had been written. At the first impulse
it went up to his lips, but at the next moment he was
smitten by the memory of something, and he thought:
“I will do what is right; I will play the game
fair.”
He dined that night with a group of
civil servants at his club in St. James’s Street,
but at a quarter to eight, notwithstanding some playful
bantering, he put on his overcoat and turned toward
the park. The autumn night was soft and peaceful;
the stars were out and the moon had risen; a fragrant
mist came up from the lake, and the smoke of his cigar
was hardly troubled by the breeze that pattered the
withered tassels of the laburnums. Big Ben was
striking eight as he reached the end of the little
bridge, and almost immediately afterward he was aware
of soft and hurrying footsteps approaching him.
Glory had come down by the Mall.
The whispering of the big white trees in the moonlight
was like company, and she sang to herself as she walked.
Her heart seemed to have gone into her heels since
yesterday, for her step was light and sometimes she
ran a few paces. She arrived out of breath as
the great clock was striking, and seeing the figure
of a gentleman in evening dress by the end of the
bridge, she stopped to collect herself.
Her hand was hot and a little damp
when Drake took it, and her face was somewhat flushed.
She had all at once become ashamed that she had come
to ask him for anything, and she took out her pocket-handkerchief
and began to roll it in her palms. He misunderstood
her agitation, and trying to cover it he offered her
his arm and took her across the bridge, and they turned
westward down the path that runs along the margin of
the lake.
“Mr. Storm has gone,”
she said, thinking to explain herself.
“I know,” he answered.
“Is it generally known, then?”
“I had a letter from him yesterday.”
“Was it about me?”
“Yes.”
“You must not mind if he says things, you know.”
“I don’t, Glory.
I set them down to the egotism of the religious man.
The religious man can not believe that anybody can
live a moral life and act on principle except from
the religious impulse.... I suppose he has warned
you against me, hasn’t he?”
“Wellyes.”
“I’m at a loss to know
what I’ve done to deserve it. But time must
justify me. I am not a religious man myself, you
know, though I hate to talk of it. To tell you
the truth, I think the religious idea a monstrous
egotism altogether, and the love of God merely the
love of self. Still, you must judge for yourself,
Glory.”
“Are we not wasting our time
a little?” she said. “I am here; isn’t
that proof enough of my opinion?” And then in
an agitated whisper she added: “I have
only half an hour, the gates will be closing, and I
want to ask your advice, you know. You remember
what I told you in my letter?”
He patted the hand on his arm and said, “Tell
me how it happened.”
She told him everything, with many
pauses, expecting every moment that he would break
in upon her and say, “Why didn’t you box
the woman’s ears?” or perhaps laugh and
assure her that it did not matter in the least, and
she was making too much of a mere bagatelle. But
he listened to every syllable, and after she had finished
there was silence for a moment. Then he said:
“I’m sorryvery sorry; in fact,
I am much troubled about it.”
Her nerves were throbbing hard and her hand on his
arm was twitching.
“If you had left of your own
accord after that scene in the board room, it would
have been so differentso easy for me to
help you!”
“How?”
“I should have spoken to my
chiefhe is a governor of many hospitalsand
said, ’A young friend of mine, a nurse, is uncomfortable
in her present place and would like to change her hospital.’
It would have been no sooner said than done.
But nownow there is the black book against
you, and God knows if... In fact, somebody has
laid a trap for you, Glory, intending to get rid of
you at the first opportunity, and you seem to have
walked straight into it.”
She felt stunned. “He has
forgotten all he has said to me,” she thought.
In a feeble, expressionless voice she asked:
“But what am I to do now?”
“Let me think.”
They walked some steps in silence.
“He is turning it over,” she thought.
“He will tell me how to begin.”
He stopped, as if seized by a new idea.
“Did you tell them where you had been?”
“No,” she replied, in the same weak voice.
“But why not do so? There
is hope in that. The chaplain was your friendyour
only friend in London, so far as they know. Surely
that is an extenuating circumstance so plausible ”
“But I cannot ”
“I know it is bitter to explainto
apologizeand if I can do it for you ”
“I will not allow it!”
she said. Her lips were set, and her breath was
coming through them in gusts.
“It is a pity to allow the hospitals
to be closed against you. Nursing is a good profession,
Gloryeven a fashionable one. It is
true womanly work, and ”
“That was what he said.”
“Who? John Storm?
He was right. Indeed, he was an entirely honourable
and upright man, and ”
“But you always seemed
to say there were other things more worthy of a girl,
and if she had a mind to But no
matter. We needn’t talk about the hospitals
any longer. I am not fit for them and shall never
go back to them, whatever happens.”
He looked down at her. She was
biting her lips, and the tears were gathering in her
eyes.
“Well, well, never mind, dear,”
he said, and he patted her hand again.
The moon had begun to wane, and out
of the dark shadows they walked in they could see
the lines of houses lit up all around.
“Look,” she said, with
a feeble laugh, “in all this great busy London
is there nothing else I’m fit for?”
“You are fit for anything in
the world, my dear,” he answered.
Her nerves were throbbing harder than
ever. “Perhaps he doesn’t remember,”
she thought. Should she tell him what he said
so often about her talents, and how much she might
be able to make of them?
“Is there nothing a girl can
do except go down on her knees to a woman?”
He laughed and talked some nonsense
about the kneeling. “Poor little woman,
she doesn’t know what she is doing,” he
thought.
“I shouldn’t mind what
people thought of me,” she said, “not even
my own people, who have been brought up with such
narrow ideas, you know. They might think what
they liked, if I felt I was in the right place at
lastthe right place for me, I mean.”
Her nervous fingers were involuntarily
clutching at his coat sleeve. “Now, any
other man ” he thought.
She began to cry. “He won’t
remember,” she told herself. “It was
only his way of being agreeable when he praised me
and predicted such wonderful things. And now
his good breeding will not allow him to tell me there
are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of girls
in London as likely to ”
“Come, you mustn’t cry, Glory. It’s
not so bad as that.”
She had never seemed to him so beautiful,
and he wanted to take her in his arms and comfort
her.
“I had no one but you to come
to,” she murmured in her confusion. But
she was thinking: “Why didn’t you
stop me before? Why have you let me go on all
these months?”
“I must try to think of something,
and I’ll speak to my friend RosaMiss
Macquarrie, you know.”
“You are a man,” said
Glory, “and I thought perhaps ”
But she could not speak of her fool’s paradise
now, she was so deeply ashamed and abased.
“That’s just the difficulty,
my dear. If I were not a man, I might so easily
help you.”
What did he mean? The frogs kept
croaking at the margin of the lake, disturbed by the
sound of their footsteps.
“Whatever you were to tell me
to do I should do it,” she said, in the same
confused murmur. She was ruining herself with
every word she uttered.
He drew up and stood before her, so
close that she could feel his breath, on her face.
“My dear Glory,” he said passionately,
“don’t think it isn’t terrible to
me to renounce the happiness of helping you, but I
must not, I dare not, I will not take it.”
She could scarcely breathe for the
shame that took sudden hold of her.
“Heaven knows I would give anything
to have the joy of looking after your happiness, dear,
but I should despise myself forever if I took advantage
of your circumstances.”
Good God! What did he think she had been asking
of him?
“I am thinking of yourself,
Glory, because I want to esteem you and honour you,
and because your good name is above everything elseeverything
else in the world.”
Her shame was now abject. It
stifled her, deafened her, blinded her. She could
not speak or hear or see.
He took her hand and pressed it.
“Let me go,” she stammered.
“Staydo not go yet!”
“Let me go, will you?”
“One moment ”
But with a cry like the cry of a startled
bird she disappeared in the shadow of the trees.
He stood a moment where she had left
him, tingling in every nerve, wanting to follow her,
and overtake her, and kiss her, and abandon everything.
But he buttoned up his overcoat and turned away, telling
himself that whatever another man might have done in
the same case he at least had done rightly, and that
men like John Storm were wrong if they thought it
was impossible to act on principle without the impulse
of religion.
Meanwhile Glory was flying through
the darkness and weeping in the bitterness of her
disappointment and shame. The big trees overhead
were all black now and very gaunt and grim, and the
breeze was moaning in their branches.
“I had disgrace enough already,”
she thought; “I might have spared myself a degradation
like this!”
Drake had supposed that she came to
plead for herself to-night as she had pleaded for
Polly a week ago. How natural that he should think
so! How natural and yet how hideous!
“I hate him! I hate him!” she thought.
John Storm had been right. In
their heart of hearts these men of society had only
one idea about a girl, and she had stumbled on it unawares.
They never thought of her as a friend and an equal,
but only as a dependent and a plaything, to be taken
or left as they liked.
“Oh, how shameful to be a womanhow
shameful, how shameful!”
And Drake had renounced her!
In the hideous tangle of his error he had renounced
her! For honour’s sake, and her own sake,
and for sake of his character as a gentlemanrenounced
her! Oh, there was somebody who would never have
renounced her whatever had happened, and yet she had
driven him away, and he was gone forever!
“I hate myself! I hate myself!”
She remembered how often out of recklessness
and daring and high spirits, but without a thought
of evil, she had broken through the barrier of manners
and given Drake occasion to think lightly of herat
the ball, at the theatre, at tea in his chambers,
and by dressing herself up as a man.
“I hate myself! I hate myself!”
John Storm was right, and Drake in
his different way was right too, and she alone had
been to blame. But Fate was laughing at her, and
the jest was very, very cruel.
“No matter. It is all for
the best,” she thought. She would be the
stronger for this experiencethe stronger
and the purer too, to stand alone and to face the
future.
She got back to the hospital just
as the great clock of Westminster was chiming the
half-hour, and she stood a moment on the steps to listen
to it. Only half an hour had passed, and yet
all the world had changed!