The Chief Key to the Relationship between Love and
Pain to be Found in
Animal Courtship-Courtship a Source of
Combativity and of Cruelty-Human
Play in the Light of Animal Courtship-The
Frequency of Crimes Against the
Person in Adolescence-Marriage by Capture
and its Psychological
Basis-Man’s Pleasure in Exerting
Force and Woman’s Pleasure in
Experiencing it-Resemblance of Love to
Pain even in Outward
Expression-The Love-bite-In
what Sense Pain may be Pleasurable-The
Natural Contradiction in the Emotional Attitude of
Women Toward
Men-Relative Insensibility to Pain of the
Organic Sexual Sphere in
Women-The Significance of the Use of the
Ampallang and Similar Appliances
in Coitus-The Sexual Subjection of Women
to Men in Part Explainable as
the Necessary Condition for Sexual Pleasure.
The relation of love to pain is one
of the most difficult problems, and yet one of the
most fundamental, in the whole range of sexual psychology.
Why is it that love inflicts, and even seeks to inflict,
pain? Why is it that love suffers pain, and even
seeks to suffer it? In answering that question,
it seems to me, we have to take an apparently circuitous
route, sometimes going beyond the ostensible limits
of sex altogether; but if we can succeed in answering
it we shall have come very near one of the great mysteries
of love. At the same time we shall have made clear
the normal basis on which rest the extreme aberrations
of love.
The chief key to the relationship
of love to pain is to be found by returning to the
consideration of the essential phenomena of courtship
in the animal world generally. Courtship is a
play, a game; even its combats are often, to a large
extent, mock-combats; but the process behind it is
one of terrible earnestness, and the play may at any
moment become deadly. Courtship tends to involve
a mock-combat between males for the possession of
the female which may at any time become a real combat;
it is a pursuit of the female by the male which may
at any time become a kind of persecution; so that,
as Colin Scott remarks, “Courting may be looked
upon as a refined and delicate form of combat.”
The note of courtship, more especially among mammals,
is very easily forced, and as soon as we force it
we reach pain. The intimate and inevitable association
in the animal world of combat-of the fighting
and hunting impulses-with the process of
courtship alone suffices to bring love into close connection
with pain.
Among mammals the male wins the female
very largely by the display of force. The infliction
of pain must inevitably be a frequent indirect result
of the exertion of power. It is even more than
this; the infliction of pain by the male on the female
may itself be a gratification of the impulse to exert
force. This tendency has always to be held in
check, for it is of the essence of courtship that
the male should win the female, and she can only be
won by the promise of pleasure. The tendency of
the male to inflict pain must be restrained, so far
as the female is concerned, by the consideration of
what is pleasing to her. Yet, the more carefully
we study the essential elements of courtship, the
clearer it becomes that, playful as these manifestations
may seem on the surface, in every direction they are
verging on pain. It is so among animals generally;
it is so in man among savages. “It is precisely
the alliance of pleasure and pain,” wrote the
physiologist Burdach, “which constitutes the
voluptuous emotion.”
Nor is this emotional attitude entirely
confined to the male. The female also in courtship
delights to arouse to the highest degree in the male
the desire for her favors and to withhold those favors
from him, thus finding on her part also the enjoyment
of power in cruelty. “One’s cruelty
is one’s power,” Millament says in Congreve’s
Way of the World, “and when one parts
with one’s cruelty one parts with one’s
power.”
At the outset, then, the impulse to
inflict pain is brought into courtship, and at the
same time rendered a pleasurable idea to the female,
because with primitive man, as well as among his immediate
ancestors, the victor in love has been the bravest
and strongest rather than the most beautiful or the
most skilful. Until he can fight he is not reckoned
a man and he cannot hope to win a woman. Among
the African Masai a man is not supposed to marry until
he has blooded his spear, and in a very different
part of the world, among the Dyaks of Bornéo, there
can be little doubt that the chief incentive to head-hunting
is the desire to please the women, the possession
of a head decapitated by himself being an excellent
way of winning a maiden’s favor. Such instances
are too well known to need multiplication here, and
they survive in civilization, for, even among ourselves,
although courtship is now chiefly ruled by quite other
considerations, most women are in some degree emotionally
affected by strength and courage. But the direct
result of this is that a group of phenomena with which
cruelty and the infliction of pain must inevitably
be more or less allied is brought within the sphere
of courtship and rendered agreeable to women.
Here, indeed, we have the source of that love of cruelty
which some have found so marked in women. This
is a phase of courtship which helps us to understand
how it is that, as we shall see, the idea of pain,
having become associated with sexual emotion, may be
pleasurable to women.
Thus, in order to understand the connection
between love and pain, we have once more to return
to the consideration, under a somewhat new aspect,
of the fundamental elements in the sexual impulse.
In discussing the “Evolution of Modesty”
we found that the primary part of the female in courtship
is the playful, yet serious, assumption of the rôle
of a hunted animal who lures on the pursuer, not with
the object of escaping, but with the object of being
finally caught. In considering the “Analysis
of the Sexual Impulse” we found that the primary
part of the male in courtship is by the display of
his energy and skill to capture the female or to arouse
in her an emotional condition which leads her to surrender
herself to him, this process itself at the same time
heightening his own excitement. In the playing
of these two different parts is attained in both male
and female that charging of nervous energy, that degree
of vascular tumescence, necessary for adequate discharge
and detumescence in an explosion by which sperm-cells
and germ-cells are brought together for the propagation
of the race. We are now concerned with the necessary
interplay of the differing male and female roles in
courtship, and with their accidental emotional by-products.
Both male and female are instinctively seeking the
same end of sexual union at the moment of highest excitement.
There cannot, therefore, be real conflict. But
there is the semblance of a conflict, an apparent
clash of aim, an appearance of cruelty. Moreover,-and
this is a significant moment in the process from our
present point of view,-when there are rivals
for the possession of one female there is always a
possibility of actual combat, so tending to introduce
an element of real violence, of undisguised cruelty,
which the male inflicts on his rival and which the
female views with satisfaction and delight in the
prowess of the successful claimant. Here we are
brought close to the zooelogical root of the connection
between love and pain.
In his admirable work on play in man
Groos has fully discussed the plays of combat (Kampfspiele),
which begin to develop even in childhood and assume
full activity during adolescence; and he points out
that, while the impulse to such play certainly has
a wider biological significance, it still possesses
a relationship to the sexual life and to the rivalries
of animals in courtship which must not be forgotten.
Nor is it only in play that the connection
between love and combativity may still be traced.
With the epoch of the first sexual relationship, Marro
points out, awakes the instinct of cruelty, which prompts
the youth to acts which are sometimes in absolute
contrast to his previous conduct, and leads him to
be careless of the lives of others as well as of his
own life. Marro presents a diagram showing how
crimes against the person in Italy rise rapidly from
the age of 16 to 20 and reach a climax between 21
and 25. In Paris, Gamier states, crimes of blood
are six times more frequent in adolescents (aged 16
to 20) than in adults. It is the same elsewhere.
This tendency to criminal violence during the age-period
of courtship is a by-product of the sexual impulse,
a kind of tertiary sexual character.
In the process of what is commonly
termed “marriage by capture” we have a
method of courtship which closely resembles the most
typical form of animal courtship, and is yet found
in all but the highest and most artificial stages
of human society. It may not be true that, as
MacLennan and others have argued, almost every race
of man has passed through an actual stage of marriage
by capture, but the phenomena in question have certainly
been extremely widespread and exist in popular custom
even among the highest races today. George Sand
has presented a charming picture of such a custom,
existing in France, in her Mare au Diable.
Farther away, among the Kirghiz, the young woman is
pursued by all her lovers, but she is armed with a
formidable whip, which she does not hesitate to use
if overtaken by a lover to whom she is not favorable.
Among the Malays, according to early travelers, courtship
is carried on in the water in canoes with double-bladed
paddles; or, if no water is near, the damsel, stripped
naked of all but a waistband, is given a certain start
and runs off on foot followed by her lover. Vaughan
Stevens in 1896 reported that this performance is
merely a sport; but Skeat and Blagden, in their more
recent and very elaborate investigations in the Malay
States, find that it is a rite.
Even if we regard “marriage
by capture” as simply a primitive human institution
stimulated by tribal exigencies and early social conditions,
yet, when we recall its widespread and persistent character,
its close resemblance to the most general method of
courtship among animals, and the emotional tendencies
which still persist even in the most civilized men
and women, we have to recognize that we are in presence
of a real psychological impulse which cannot fail
in its exercise to introduce some element of pain
into love.
There are, however, two fundamentally
different theories concerning “marriage by capture.”
According to the first, that of MacLennan, which,
until recently, has been very widely accepted, and
to which Professor Tylor has given the weight of his
authority, there has really been in primitive society
a recognized stage in which marriages were effected
by the capture of the wife. Such a state of things
MacLennan regarded as once world-wide. There
can be no doubt that women very frequently have been
captured in this way among primitive peoples.
Nor, indeed, has the custom been confined to savages.
In Europe we find that even up to comparatively recent
times the abduction of women was not only very common,
but was often more or less recognized. In England
it was not until Henry VII’s time that the violent
seizure of a woman was made a criminal offense, and
even then the statute was limited to women possessed
of lands and goods. A man might still carry off
a girl provided she was not an heiress; but even the
abduction of heiresses continued to be common, and
in Ireland remained so until the end of the eighteenth
century. But it is not so clear that such raids
and abductions, even when not of a genuinely hostile
character, have ever been a recognized and constant
method of marriage.
According to the second set of theories,
the capture is not real, but simulated, and may be
accounted for by psychological reasons. Fustel
de Coulanges, in La Cite Antique, discussing
simulated marriage by capture among the Romans, mentioned
the view that it was “a symbol of the young
girl’s modesty,” but himself regarded it
as an act of force to symbolize the husband’s
power. He was possibly alluding to Herbert Spencer,
who suggested a psychological explanation of the apparent
prevalence of marriage by capture based on the supposition
that, capturing a wife being a proof of bravery, such
a method of obtaining a wife would be practised by
the strongest men and be admired, while, on the other
hand, he considered that “female coyness”
was “an important factor” in constituting
the more formal kinds of marriage by capture ceremonial.
Westermarck, while accepting true marriage by capture,
considers that Spencer’s statement “can
scarcely be disproved." In his valuable study
of certain aspects of primitive marriage Crawley, developing
the explanation rejected by Fustel de Coulanges, regards
the fundamental fact to be the modesty of women, which
has to be neutralized, and this is done by “a
ceremonial use of force, which is half real and half
make-believe.” Thus the manifestations
are not survivals, but “arising in a natural
way from normal human feelings. It is not the
tribe from which the bride is abducted, nor, primarily,
her family and kindred, but her sex”;
and her “sexual characters of timidity, bashfulness,
and passivity are sympathetically overcome by make-believe
representations of male characteristic actions."
It is not necessary for the present
purpose that either of these two opposing theories
concerning the origin of the customs and feelings we
are here concerned with should be definitely rejected.
Whichever theory is adopted, the fundamental psychic
element which here alone concerns us still exists
intact. It may be pointed out, however, that we
probably have to accept two groups of such phenomena:
one, seldom or never existing as the sole form of
marriage, in which the capture is real; and another
in which the “capture” is more or less
ceremonial or playful. The two groups coexist
among the Turcomans, as described by Vambery, who are
constantly capturing and enslaving the Persians of
both sexes, and, side by side with this, have a marriage
ceremonial of mock-capture of entirely playful character.
At the same time the two groups sometimes overlap,
as is indicated by cases in which, while the “capture”
appears to be ceremonial, the girl is still allowed
to escape altogether if she wishes. The difficulty
of disentangling the two groups is shown by the fact
that so careful an investigator as Westermarck cites
cases of real capture and mock-capture together without
attempting to distinguish between them. From
our present point of view it is quite unnecessary to
attempt such a distinction. Whether the capture
is simulated or real, the man is still playing the
masculine and aggressive part proper to the male; the
woman is still playing the feminine and defensive
part proper to the female. The universal prevalence
of these phenomena is due to the fact that manifestations
of this kind, real or pretended, afford each sex the
very best opportunity for playing its proper part
in courtship, and so, even when the force is real,
must always gratify a profound instinct.
It is not necessary to quote examples
of marriage by capture from the numerous and easily
accessible books on the evolution of marriage.
(Sir A.B. Ellis, adopting MacLennan’s standpoint,
presented a concise statement of the facts in an
article on “Survivals from Marriage by Capture,”
Popular Science Monthly, 1891, .)
It may, however, be worth while to bring together
from scattered sources a few of the facts concerning
the phenomena in this group and their accompanying
emotional state, more especially as they bear
on the association of love with force, inflicted
or suffered.
In New Caledonia, Foley remarks, the
successful coquette goes off with her lover into
the bush. “It usually happens that, when
she is successful, she returns from her expedition,
tumbled, beaten, scratched, even bitten on the
nape and shoulders, her wounds thus bearing witness
to the quadrupedal attitude she has assumed amid the
foliage.” (Foley, Bulletin de la Societe d’Anthropologie,
Paris, November 6, 1879.)
Of the natives of New South Wales, Turnbull
remarked at the beginning of the nineteenth century
that “their mode of courtship is not without
its singularity. When a young man sees a female
to his fancy he informs her she must accompany
him home; the lady refuses; he not only enforces
compliance with threats but blows; thus the gallant,
according to the custom, never fails to gain the
victory, and bears off the willing, though struggling
pugilist. The colonists for some time entertained
the idea that the women were compelled and forced
away against their inclinations; but the young
ladies informed them that this mode of gallantry
was the custom, and perfectly to their taste,”
(J. Turnbull, A Voyage Round the World,
1813, ; cf. Brough Smyth, Aborigines
of Victoria, 1878, vol. i, .)
As regards capture of women among Central
Australian tribes, Spencer and Gillen remark:
“We have never in any of these central tribes
met with any such thing, and the clubbing part of the
story may be dismissed, so far as the central area
of the continent is concerned. To the casual
observer what looks like a capture (we are, of
course, only speaking of these tribes) is in reality
an elopement, in which the woman is an aiding and
abetting party.” (Northern Tribes of Central
Australia. .)
“The New Zealand method of courtship
and matrimony is a most extraordinary one.
A man sees a woman whom he fancies he should like
for a wife; he asks the consent of her father, or,
if an orphan, of her nearest relative, which,
if he obtain, he carries his intended off by force,
she resisting with all her strength, and, as the
New Zealand girls are generally fairly robust, sometimes
a dreadful struggle takes place; both are soon stripped
to the skin and it is sometimes the work of hours
to remove the fair prize a hundred yards.
It sometimes happens that she secures her retreat
into her father’s house, and the lover loses
all chance of ever obtaining her.” (A.
Earle, Narratives of Residence in New Zealand,
1832, .)
Among the Eskimos (probably near Smith
Sound) “there is no marriage ceremony further
than that the boy is required to carry off his
bride by main force, for even among these blubber-eating
people the woman only saves her modesty by a show
of resistance, although she knows years beforehand
that her destiny is sealed and that she is to
become the wife of the man from whose embraces,
when the nuptial day comes, she is obliged by the
inexorable law of public opinion to free herself,
if possible, by kicking and screaming with might
and main until she is safely landed in the hut
of her future lord, when she gives up the combat
very cheerfully and takes possession of her new abode.
The betrothal often takes place at a very early
period of life and at very dissimilar ages.”
Marriage only takes place when the lover has killed
his first seal; this is the test of manhood and maturity.
(J.J. Hayes, Open Polar Sea, 1867, .)
Marriage by “capture” is
common in war and raiding in central Africa.
“The women, as a rule,” Johnston says,
“make no very great resistance on these
occasions. It is almost like playing a game.
A woman is surprised as she goes to get water at the
stream, or when she is on the way to or from the
plantation. The man has only got to show
her she is cornered and that escape is not easy
or pleasant and she submits to be carried off.
As a general rule, they seem to accept very cheerfully
these abrupt changes in their matrimonial existence.”
(Sir H.H. Johnston, British Central Africa,
.)
Among the wild tribes of the Malay Peninsula
in one form of wedding rite the bridegroom is
required to run seven times around an artificial
mound decorated with flowers and the emblem of the
people’s religion. In the event of the
bridegroom failing to catch the bride the marriage
has to be postponed. Among the Orang Laut,
or sea-gipsies, the pursuit sometimes takes the form
of a canoe-race; the woman is given a good start
and must be overtaken before she has gone a certain
distance. (W.W. Skeat, Journal Anthropological
Institute, Jan.-June, 1902, ; Skeat and
Blagden, Pagan Races of the Malay, vol.
ii, et seq., fully discuss the ceremony
around the mound.)
“Calmuck women ride better than
the men. A male Calmuck on horseback looks
as if he was intoxicated, and likely to fall off every
instant, though he never loses his seat; but the women
sit with more ease, and ride with extraordinary
skill. The ceremony of marriage among the
Calmucks is performed on horseback. A girl is
first mounted, who rides off at full speed. Her
lover pursues, and if he overtakes her she becomes
his wife and the marriage is consummated upon
the spot, after which she returns with him to his
tent. But it sometimes happens that the woman
does not wish to marry the person by whom she
is pursued, in which case she will not suffer
him to overtake her; and we were assured that no instance
occurs of a Calmuck girl being thus caught, unless
she has a partiality for her pursuer. If
she dislikes him, she rides, to use the language
of English sportsmen, ‘neck or nothing,’
until she has completely escaped or until the pursuer’s
horse is tired out, leaving her at liberty to
return, to be afterward chased by some more favored
admirer.” (E.D. Clarke, Travels,
1810, vol. i, .)
Among the Bedouins marriage is arranged
between the lover and the girl’s father,
often without consulting the girl herself. “Among
the Arabs of Sinai the young maid comes home in
the evening with the cattle. At a short distance
from the camp she is met by the future spouse
and a couple of his young friends and carried off
by force to her father’s tent. If she
entertains any suspicion of their designs she
defends herself with stones, and often inflicts wounds
on the young men, even though she does not dislike
the lover, for, according to custom, the more
she struggles, bites, kicks, cries, and strikes,
the more she is applauded ever after by her own
companions.” After being taken to her father’s
tent, where a man’s cloak is thrown over
her by one of the bridegroom’s relations,
she is dressed in garments provided by her future
husband, and placed on a camel, “still continuing
to struggle in a most unruly manner, and held
by the bridegroom’s friends on both sides.”
She is then placed in a recess of the husband’s
tent. Here the marriage is finally consummated,
“the bride still continuing to cry very
loudly. It sometimes happens that the husband
is obliged to tie his bride, and even to beat her,
before she can be induced to comply with his desires.”
If, however, she really does not like her husband,
she is perfectly free to leave him next morning,
and her father is obliged to receive her back whether
he wishes to or not. It is not considered proper
for a widow or divorced woman to make any resistance
on being married. (J.L. Burckhardt,
Notes on the Bedouins and Wahabys, 1830, et seq.)
Among the Turcomans forays for capturing
and enslaving their Persian neighbors were once
habitual. Vambery describes their “marriage
ceremonial when the young maiden, attired in bridal
costume, mounts a high-bred courser, taking on
her lap the carcass of a lamb or goat, and setting
off at full gallop, followed by the bridegroom
and other young men of the party, also on horseback;
she is always to strive, by adroit turns, etc.,
to avoid her pursuers, that no one approach near
enough to snatch from her the burden on her lap.
This game, called koekbueri (green wolf),
is in use among all the nomads of central Asia.”
(A. Vambery, Travels in Central Asia,
1864, .)
In China, a missionary describes how,
when he was called upon to marry the daughter
of a Chinese Christian brought up in native customs,
he was compelled to wait several hours, as the bride
refused to get up and dress until long after the
time appointed for the wedding ceremony, and then
only by force. “Extreme reluctance
and dislike and fear are the true marks of a happy
and lively wedding.” (A.E. Moule,
New China and Old, .)
It is interesting to find that in the
Indian art of love a kind of mock-combat, accompanied
by striking, is a recognized and normal method
of heightening tumescence. Vatsyayana has a chapter
“On Various Manners of Striking,” and he
approves of the man striking the woman on the
back, belly, flanks, and buttocks, before and
during coitus, as a kind of play, increasing as sexual
excitement increases, which the woman, with cries
and groans, pretends to bid the man to stop.
It is mentioned that, especially in southern India,
various instruments (scissors, needles, etc.)
are used in striking, but this practice is condemned
as barbarous and dangerous. (Kama Sutra,
French translation, iii, chapter v.)
In the story of Aladdin, in the Arabian
Nights, the bride is undressed by the mother
and the other women, who place her in the bridegroom’s
bed “as if by force, and, according to the custom
of the newly married, she pretends to resist,
twisting herself in every direction, and seeking
to escape from their hands.” (Les Mille
Nuits, tr. Mardrus, vol. xi, .)
It is said that in those parts of Germany
where preliminary Probenaechte before formal
marriage are the rule it is not uncommon for a
young woman before finally giving herself to a man
to provoke him to a physical struggle. If
she proves stronger she dismisses him; if he is
stronger she yields herself willingly. (W.
Henz, “Probenaechte,” Sexual-Problème,
Oct., 1910, .)
Among the South Slavs of Servia and
Bulgaria, according to Krauss, it is the custom
to win a woman by seizing her by the ankle and
bringing her to the ground by force. This method
of wooing is to the taste of the woman, and they
are refractory to any other method. The custom
of beating or being beaten before coitus is also
found among the South Slavs. (Kryptadia, vol.
vi, .)
In earlier days violent courtship was
viewed with approval in the European world, even
among aristocratic circles. Thus in the medieval
Lai de Graelent of Marie de France this Breton
knight is represented as very chaste, possessing
a high ideal of love and able to withstand the
wiles of women. One day when he is hunting
in a forest he comes upon a naked damsel bathing,
together with her handmaidens. Overcome by
her beauty, he seizes her clothes in case she
should be alarmed, but is persuaded to hand them
to her; then he proceeds to make love to her.
She replies that his love is an insult to a woman
of her high lineage. Finding her so proud,
Graelent sees that his prayers are in vain.
He drags her by force into the depth of the forest,
has his will of her, and begs her very gently
not to be angry, promising to love her loyally
and never to leave her. The damsel saw that
he was a good knight, courteous, and wise. She
thought within herself that if she were to leave
him she would never find a better friend.
Brantome mentions a lady who confessed
that she liked to be “half-forced”
by her husband, and he remarks that a woman who is
“a little difficult and resists” gives
more pleasure also to her lover than one who yields
at once, just as a hard-fought battle is a more
notable triumph than an easily won victory. (Brantome,
Vie des Dames Galantes, discours i.)
Restif de la Bretonne, again, whose experience
was extensive, wrote in his Anti-Justine
that “all women of strong temperament like a
sort of brutality in sexual intercourse and its
accessories.”
Ovid had said that a little force is
pleasing to a woman, and that she is grateful
to the ravisher against whom she struggles (Ars
Amatoria, lib. i). One of Janet’s patients
(Raymond and Janet, Les Obsessions et la Psychasthenie,
vol. ii, complained that her husband
was too good, too devoted. “He does not
know how to make me suffer a little. One cannot
love anyone who does not make one suffer a little.”
Another hysterical woman (a silk fetichist, frigid
with men) had dreams of men and animals abusing
her: “I cried with pain and was happy at
the same time.” (Clerambault, Archives
d’Anthropologie Criminelle, June, 1908,
.)
It has been said that among Slavs of
the lower class the wives feel hurt if they are
not beaten by their husbands. Paullinus, in the
seventeenth century, remarked that Russian women are
never more pleased and happy than when beaten
by their husbands, and regard such treatment as
proof of love. (See, e.g., C.F. von Schlichtegroll,
Sacher-Masoch und der Masochismus, .)
Krafft-Ebing believes that this is true at the
present day, and adds that it is the same in Hungary,
a Hungarian official having informed him that
the peasant women of the Somogyer Comitate do not
think they are loved by their husbands until they have
received the first box on the ear. (Krafft-Ebing,
Psychopathia Sexualis, English translation
of the tenth edition, .) I may add that
a Russian proverb says “Love your wife like your
soul and beat her like your shuba”
(overcoat); and, according to another Russian
proverb, “a dear one’s blows hurt not long.”
At the same time it has been remarked that the
domination of men by women is peculiarly frequent
among the Slav peoples. (V. Schlichtegroll,
op. cit., .) Cellini, in an interesting passage
in his Life (book ii, chapters xxxiv-xxxv),
describes his own brutal treatment of his model
Caterina, who was also his mistress, and the pleasure
which, to his surprise, she took in it. Dr.
Simon Forman, also, the astrologist, tells in his
Autobiography how, as a young and
puny apprentice to a hosier, he was beaten, scolded,
and badly treated by the servant girl, but after
some years of this treatment he turned on her, beat
her black and blue, and ever after “Mary would
do for him all that she could.”
That it is a sign of love for a man
to beat his sweetheart, and a sign much appreciated
by women, is illustrated by the episode of Cariharta
and Repolido, in “Rinconete and Cortadillo,”
one of Cervantes’s Exemplary Novels.
The Indian women of South America feel in the
same way, and Mantegazza when traveling in Bolivia
found that they complained when they were not beaten
by their husbands, and that a girl was proud when
she could say “He loves me greatly, for
he often beats me.” (Fisiología della Donna,
chapter xiii.) The same feeling evidently existed in
classic antiquity, for we find Lucian, in his “Dialogues
of Courtesans,” makes a woman say:
“He who has not rained blows on his mistress
and torn her hair and her garments is not yet in love,”
while Ovid advises lovers sometimes to be angry with
their sweethearts and to tear their dresses.
Among the Italian Camorrista, according
to Russo, wives are very badly treated. Expression
is given to this fact in the popular songs.
But the women only feel themselves tenderly loved when
they are badly treated by their husbands; the man
who does not beat them they look upon as a fool.
It is the same in the east end of London.
“If anyone has doubts as to the brutalities
practised on women by men,” writes a London
magistrate, “let him visit the London Hospital
on a Saturday night. Very terrible sights
will meet his eye. Sometimes as many as twelve
or fourteen women may be seen seated in the receiving
room, waiting for their bruised and bleeding faces
and bodies to be attended to. In nine cases
out of ten the injuries have been inflicted by brutal
and perhaps drunken husbands. The nurses
tell me, however, that any remarks they may make
reflecting on the aggressors are received with
great indignation by the wretched sufferers. They
positively will not hear a single word against
the cowardly ruffians. ‘Sometimes,’
said a nurse to me, ’when I have told a woman
that her husband is a brute, she has drawn herself
up and replied: “You mind your own
business, miss. We find the rates and taxes,
and the likes of you are paid out of ’em
to wait on us."’” (Montagu Williams,
Round London, .)
“The prostitute really loves her
souteneur, notwithstanding all the persécutions
he inflicts on her. Their torments only increase
the devotion of the poor slaves to their ‘Alphonses.’
Parent-Duchatelet wrote that he had seen them come
to the hospital with their eyes out of their heads,
faces bleeding, and bodies torn by the blows of
their drunken lovers, but as soon as they were
healed they went back to them. Police-officers
tell us that it is very difficult to make a prostitute
confess anything concerning her souteneur.
Thus, Rosa L., whom her ‘Alphonse’ had
often threatened to kill, even putting the knife to
her throat, would say nothing, and denied everything
when the magistrate questioned her. Maria
R., with her face marked by a terrible scar produced
by her souteneur, still carefully preserved
many years afterward the portrait of the aggressor,
and when we asked her to explain her affection
she replied: ’But he wounded me because
he loved me.’ The souteneur’s
brutality only increases the ill-treated woman’s
love; the humiliation and slavery in which the
woman’s soul is drowned feed her love.”
(Niceforo, Il Gergo, etc., 1897, .)
In a modern novel written in autobiographic
form by a young Australian lady the heroine is
represented as striking her betrothed with a whip
when he merely attempts to kiss her. Later on
her behavior so stings him that his self-control breaks
down and he seizes her fiercely by the arms.
For the first time she realizes that he loves
her. “I laughed a joyous little laugh,
saying ‘Hal, we are quits’; when on
disrobing for the night I discovered on my soft
white shoulders and arms-so susceptible
to bruises-many marks, and black.
It had been a very happy day for me.” (Miles
Franklin, My Brilliant Career.)
It is in large measure the existence
of this feeling of attraction for violence which
accounts for the love-letters received by men
who are accused of crimes of violence. Thus in
one instance, in Chicago (as Dr. Kiernan writes
to me), “a man arrested for conspiracy to
commit abortion, and also suspected of being a
sadist, received many proposals of marriage and other
less modest expressions of affection from unknown
women. To judge by the signatures, these
women belonged to the Germans and Slavs rather
than to the Anglo-Celts.”
Neuropathic or degenerative conditions
sometimes serve to accentuate or reveal ancestral
traits that are very ancient in the race.
Under such conditions the tendency to find pleasure
in subjection and pain, which is often faintly
traceable even in normal civilized women, may
become more pronounced. This may be seen
in a case described in some detail in the Archivio
di Psichiatria. The subject was a young
lady of 19, of noble Italian birth, but born in
Tunis. On the maternal side there is a somewhat
neurotic heredity, and she is herself subject to attacks
of hystero-epileptoid character. She was very
carefully, but strictly, educated; she knows several
languages, possesses marked intellectual aptitudes,
and is greatly interested in social and political
questions, in which she takes the socialistic and
revolutionary side. She has an attractive
and sympathetic personality; in complexion she
is dark, with dark eyes and very dark and abundant
hair; the fine down on the upper lip and lower parts
of the cheeks is also much developed; the jaw is large,
the head acrocephalic, and the external genital
organs of normal size, but rather asymmetric.
Ever since she was a child she has loved to work
and dream in solitude. Her dreams have always
been of love, since menstruation began as early
as the age of 10, and accompanied by strong sexual
feelings, though at that age these feelings remained
vague and indefinite; but in them the desire for
pleasure was always accompanied by the desire for pain,
the desire to bite and destroy something, and,
as it were, to annihilate herself. She experienced
great relief after periods of “erotic rumination,”
and if this rumination took place at night she
would sometimes masturbate, the contact of the bedclothes,
she said, giving her the illusion of a man.
In time this vague longing for the male gave place
to more definite desires for a man who would love
her, and, as she imagined, strike her. Eventually
she formed secret relationships with two or three
lovers in succession, each of these relationships
being, however, discovered by her family and leading
to ineffectual attempts at suicide. But the
association of pain with love, which had developed
spontaneously in her solitary dreams, continued in
her actual relations with her lovers. During
coitus she would bite and squeeze her arms until
the nails penetrated the flesh. When her
lover asked her why at the moment of coitus she would
vigorously repel him, she replied: “Because
I want to be possessed by force, to be hurt, suffocated,
to be thrown down in a struggle.” At
another time she said: “I want a man with
all his vitality, so that he can torture and kill
my body.” We seem to see here clearly
the ancient biological character of animal courtship,
the desire of the female to be violently subjugated
by the male. In this case it was united to
sensitiveness to the sexual domination of an intellectual
man, and the subject also sought to stimulate
her lovers’ intellectual tastes. (Archivio
di Psichiatria, vol. xx, fasc. 5-6,
.)
This association between love and
pain still persists even among the most normal civilized
men and women possessing well-developed sexual impulses.
The masculine tendency to delight in domination, the
feminine tendency to delight in submission, still
maintain the ancient traditions when the male animal
pursued the female. The phenomena of “marriage
by capture,” in its real and its simulated forms,
have been traced to various causes. But it has
to be remembered that these causes could only have
been operative in the presence of a favorable emotional
aptitude, constituted by the zooelogical history of
our race and still traceable even today. To exert
power, as psychologists well recognize, is one of our
most primary impulses, and it always tends to be manifested
in the attitude of a man toward the woman he loves.
It might be possible to maintain that
the primitive element of more or less latent cruelty
in courtship tends to be more rather than less marked
in civilized man. In civilization the opportunity
of dissipating the surplus energy of the courtship
process by inflicting pain on rivals usually has to
be inhibited; thus the woman to be wooed tends to become
the recipient of the whole of this energy, both in
its pleasure-giving and its pain-giving aspects.
Moreover, the natural process of courtship, as it
exists among animals and usually among the lower human
races, tends to become disguised and distorted in
civilization, as well by economic conditions as by
conventional social conditions and even ethical prescription.
It becomes forgotten that the woman’s pleasure
is an essential element in the process of courtship.
A woman is often reduced to seek a man for the sake
of maintenance; she is taught that pleasure is sinful
or shameful, that sex-matters are disgusting, and that
it is a woman’s duty, and also her best policy,
to be in subjection to her husband. Thus, various
external checks which normally inhibit any passing
over of masculine sexual energy into cruelty are liable
to be removed.
We have to admit that a certain pleasure
in manifesting his power over a woman by inflicting
pain upon her is an outcome and survival of the primitive
process of courtship, and an almost or quite normal
constituent of the sexual impulse in man. But
it must be at once added that in the normal well-balanced
and well-conditioned man this constituent of the sexual
impulse, when present, is always held in check.
When the normal man inflicts, or feels the impulse
to inflict, some degree of physical pain on the woman
he loves he can scarcely be said to be moved by cruelty.
He feels, more or less obscurely, that the pain he
inflicts, or desires to inflict, is really a part
of his love, and that, moreover, it is not really
resented by the woman on whom it is exercised.
His feeling is by no means always according to knowledge,
but it has to be taken into account as an essential
part of his emotional state. The physical force,
the teasing and bullying, which he may be moved to
exert under the stress of sexual excitement, are,
he usually more or less unconsciously persuades himself,
not really unwelcome to the object of his love.
Moreover, we have to bear in mind the fact-a
very significant fact from more than one point of
view-that the normal manifestations of a
woman’s sexual pleasure are exceedingly like
those of pain. “The outward expressions
of pain,” as a lady very truly writes,-“tears,
cries, etc.,-which are laid stress
on to prove the cruelty of the person who inflicts
it, are not so different from those of a woman in
the ecstasy of passion, when she implores the man
to desist, though that is really the last thing she
desires." If a man is convinced that he is causing
real and unmitigated pain, he becomes repentant at
once. If this is not the case he must either be
regarded as a radically abnormal person or as carried
away by passion to a point of temporary insanity.
The intimate connection of love with
pain, its tendency to approach cruelty, is seen in
one of the most widespread of the occasional and non-essential
manifestations of strong sexual emotion, especially
in women, the tendency to bite. We may find references
to love-bites in the literature of ancient as well
as of modern times, in the East as well as in the
West. Plautus, Catullus, Propertius, Horace, Ovid,
Petronius, and other Latin writers refer to bites
as associated with kisses and usually on the lips.
Plutarch says that Flora, the mistress of Cnaeus Pompey,
in commending her lover remarked that he was so lovable
that she could never leave him without giving him
a bite. In the Arabic Perfumed Garden there
are many references to love-bites, while in the Indian
Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana a chapter is devoted
to this subject. Biting in love is also common
among the South Slavs. The phenomenon is indeed
sufficiently familiar to enable Heine, in one of his
Romancero, to describe those marks by which
the ancient chronicler states that Edith Swanneck
recognized Harold, after the Battle of Hastings, as
the scars of the bites she had once given him.
It would be fanciful to trace this
tendency back to that process of devouring to which
sexual congress has, in the primitive stages of its
evolution, been reduced. But we may probably find
one of the germs of the love-bite in the attitude
of many mammals during or before coitus; in attaining
a firm grip of the female it is not uncommon (as may
be observed in the donkey) for the male to seize the
female’s neck between his teeth. The horse
sometimes bites the mare before coitus and it is said
that among the Arabs when a mare is not apt for coitus
she is sent to pasture with a small ardent horse,
who excites her by playing with her and biting her.
It may be noted, also, that dogs often show their affection
for their masters by gentle bites. Children also,
as Stanley Hall has pointed out, are similarly fond
of biting.
Perhaps a still more important factor
is the element of combat in tumescence, since the
primitive conditions associated with tumescence provide
a reservoir of emotions which are constantly drawn
on even in the sexual excitement of individuals belonging
to civilization. The tendency to show affection
by biting is, indeed, commoner among women than among
men and not only in civilization. It has been
noted among idiot girls as well as among the women
of various savage races. It may thus be that the
conservative instincts of women have preserved a primitive
tendency that at its origin marked the male more than
the female. But in any case the tendency to bite
at the climax of sexual excitement is so common and
widespread that it must be regarded, when occurring
in women, as coming within the normal range of variation
in such manifestations. The gradations are of
wide extent; while in its slight forms it is more or
less normal and is one of the origins of the kiss,
in its extreme forms it tends to become one of the
most violent and antisocial of sexual aberrations.
A correspondent writes regarding his
experience of biting and being bitten: “I
have often felt inclination to bite a woman I love,
even when not in coitus or even excited. (I like doing
so also with my little boy, playfully, as a cat
and kittens.) There seem to be several reasons
for this: (1) the muscular effect relieves
me; (2) I imagine I am giving the woman pleasure; (3)
I seem to attain to a more intimate possession
of the loved one. I cannot remember when
I first felt desire to be bitten in coitus, or
whether the idea was first suggested to me. I
was initiated into pinching by a French prostitute
who once pinched my nates in coitus, no doubt
as a matter of business; it heightened my pleasure,
perhaps by stimulating muscular movement. It does
not occur to me to ask to be pinched when I am
very much excited already, but only at an earlier
stage, no doubt with the object of promoting excitement.
Apart altogether from sexual excitement, being
pinched is unpleasant to me. It has not seemed
to me that women usually like to be bitten.
One or two women have bitten and sucked my flesh.
(The latter does not affect me.) I like being bitten,
partly for the same reason as I like being pinched,
because if spontaneous it is a sign of my partner’s
amorousness and the biting never seems too hard.
Women do not usually seem to like being bitten,
though there are exceptions; ’I should like to
bite you and I should like you to bite me,’
said one woman; I did so hard, in coitus, and
she did not flinch.” “She is particularly
anxious to eat me alive,” another correspondent
writes, “and nothing gives her greater satisfaction
than to tear open my clothes and fasten her teeth
into my flesh until I yell for mercy. My
experience has generally been, however,” the
same correspondent continues, “that the
cruelty is unconscious. A woman just
grows mad with the desire to squeeze or bite something,
with a complete unconsciousness of what result it will
produce in the victim. She is astonished when
she sees the result and will hardly believe she
has done it.” It is unnecessary to accumulate
evidence of a tendency which is sufficiently common
to be fairly well known, but one or two quotations
may be presented to show its wide distribution.
In the Kama Sutra we read: “If she
is very exalted, and if in the exaltation of her passionate
transports she begins a sort of combat, then she
takes her lover by the hair, draws his head to
hers, kisses his lower lip, and then in her delirium
bites him all over his body, shutting her eyes”;
it is added that with the marks of such bites lovers
can remind each other of their affections, and
that such love will last for ages. In Japan
the maiden of Ainu race feels the same impulse.
A.H. Savage Landor (Alone with the Hairy Ainu,
1893, says of an Ainu girl: “Loving
and biting went together with her. She could
not do the one without the other. As we sat on
a stone in the twilight she began by gently biting
my fingers without hurting me, as affectionate
dogs do to their masters. She then bit my
arm, then my shoulder, and when she had worked herself
up into a passion she put her arms around my neck and
bit my cheeks. It was undoubtedly a curious
way of making love, and, when I had been bitten
all over, and was pretty tired of the new sensation,
we retired to our respective homes. Kissing,
apparently, was an unknown art to her.”
The significance of biting, and the
close relationship which, as will have to be pointed
out later, it reveals to other phenomena, may
be illustrated by some observations which have been
made by Alonzi on the peasant women of Sicily.
“The women of the people,” he remarks,
“especially in the districts where crimes of
blood are prevalent, give vent to their affection
for their little ones by kissing and sucking them
on the neck and arms till they make them cry convulsively;
all the while they say: ’How sweet you
are! I will bite you, I will gnaw you all
over,’ exhibiting every appearance of great
pleasure. If a child commits some slight fault
they do not resort to simple blows, but pursue it through
the street and bite it on the face, ears, and arms
until the blood flows. At such moments the
face of even a beautiful woman is transformed,
with injected eyes, gnashing teeth, and convulsive
tremors. Among both men and women a very common
threat is ‘I will drink your blood.’
It is told on ocular evidence that a man who had
murdered another in a quarrel licked the hot blood
from the victim’s hand.” (G. Alonzi,
Archivio di Psichiatria, vol. vi,
fasc. 4.) A few years ago a nurse girl in New
York was sentenced to prison for cruelty to the
baby in her charge. The mother had frequently
noticed that the child was in pain and at last
discovered the marks of teeth on its legs. The
girl admitted that she had bitten the child because
that action gave her intense pleasure. (Alienist
and Neurologist, August, 1901, .) In
the light of such observations as these we may understand
a morbid perversion of affection such as was recorded
in the London police news some years ago (1894).
A man of 30 was charged with ill-treating his
wife’s illegitimate daughter, aged 3, during
a period of many months; her lips, eyes, and hands
were bitten and bruised from sucking, and sometimes
her pinafore was covered with blood. “Defendant
admitted he had bitten the child because he loved
it.”
It is not surprising that such phenomena
as these should sometimes be the stimulant and
accompaniment to the sexual act. Ferriani
thus reports such a case in the words of the young
man’s mistress: “Certainly he
is a strange, maddish youth, though he is fond
of me and spends money on me when he has any.
He likes much sexual intercourse, but, to tell
the truth, he has worn out my patience, for before
our embraces there are always struggles which
become assaults. He tells me he has no pleasure
except when he sees me crying on account of his
bites and vigorous pinching. Lately, just
before going with me, when I was groaning with pleasure,
he threw himself on me and at the moment of emission
furiously bit my right cheek till the blood came.
Then he kissed me and begged my pardon, but would
do it again if the wish took him.” (L.
Ferriani, Archivio di Psicopatie Sessuale, vol.
i, fasc. 7 and 8, 1896, .)
In morbid cases biting may even become
a substitute for coitus. Thus, Moll (Die
Kontraere Sexualempfindung, second edition, records the case of a hysterical woman who
was sexually anesthetic, though she greatly loved
her husband. It was her chief delight to
bite him till the blood flowed, and she was content
if, instead of coitus, he bit her and she him, though
she was grieved if she inflicted much pain.
In other still more morbid cases the fear of inflicting
pain is more or less abolished.
An idealized view of the impulse of
love to bite and devour is presented in the following
passage from a letter by a lady who associates
this impulse with the idea of the Last Supper:
“Your remarks about the Lord’s Supper
in ‘Whitman’ make it natural to me
to tell you my thoughts about that ’central sacrament
of Christianity.’ I cannot tell many
people because they misunderstand, and a clergyman,
a very great friend of mine, when I once told
what I thought and felt, said I was carnal. He
did not understand the divinity and intensity
of human love as I understand it. Well, when
one loves anyone very much,-a child, a
woman, or a man,-one loves everything
belonging to him: the things he wears, still
more his hands, and his face, every bit of his
body. We always want to have all, or part, of
him as part of ourselves. Hence the expression:
I could devour you, I love you so.
In some such warm, devouring way Jesus Christ, I have
always felt, loved each and every human creature.
So it was that he took this mystery of food, which
by eating became part of ourselves, as the symbol
of the most intense human love, the most intense Divine
love. Some day, perhaps, love will be so understood
by all that this sacrament will cease to be a
superstition, a bone of contention, an ‘article’
of the church, and become, in all simplicity,
a symbol of pure love.”
While in men it is possible to trace
a tendency to inflict pain, or the simulacrum of pain,
on the women they love, it is still easier to trace
in women a delight in experiencing physical pain when
inflicted by a lover, and an eagerness to accept subjection
to his will. Such a tendency is certainly normal.
To abandon herself to her lover, to be able to rely
on his physical strength and mental resourcefulness,
to be swept out of herself and beyond the control
of her own will, to drift idly in delicious submission
to another and stronger will-this is one
of the commonest aspirations in a young woman’s
intimate love-dreams. In our own age these aspirations
most often only find their expression in such dreams.
In ages when life was more nakedly lived, and emotion
more openly expressed, it was easier to trace this
impulse. In the thirteenth century we have found
Marie de France-a French poetess living
in England who has been credited with “an exquisite
sense of the generosities and delicacy of the heart,”
and whose work was certainly highly appreciated in
the best circles and among the most cultivated class
of her day-describing as a perfect, wise,
and courteous knight a man who practically commits
a rape on a woman who has refused to have anything
to do with him, and, in so acting, he wins her entire
love. The savage beauty of New Caledonia furnishes
no better illustration of the fascination of force,
for she, at all events, has done her best to court
the violence she undergoes. In Middleton’s
Spanish Gypsy we find exactly the same episode,
and the unhappy Portuguese nun wrote: “Love
me for ever and make me suffer still more.”
To find in literature more attenuated examples of
the same tendency is easy. Shakespeare, whose
observation so little escaped, has seldom depicted
the adult passion of a grown woman, but in the play
which he has mainly devoted to this subject he makes
Cleopatra refer to “amorous pinches,” and
she says in the end: “The stroke of death
is as a lover’s pinch, which hurts and is desired.”
“I think the Sabine woman enjoyed being carried
off like that,” a woman remarked in front of
Rubens’s “Rape of the Sabines,”
confessing that such a method of love-making appealed
strongly to herself, and it is probable that the majority
of women would be prepared to echo that remark.
It may be argued that pain cannot give
pleasure, and that when what would usually be
pain is felt as pleasure it cannot be regarded
as pain at all. It must be admitted that the emotional
state is often somewhat complex. Moreover,
women by no means always agree in the statement
of their experience. It is noteworthy, however,
that even when the pleasurableness of pain in
love is denied it is still admitted that, under some
circumstances, pain, or the idea of pain, is felt
as pleasurable. I am indebted to a lady for
a somewhat elaborate discussion of this subject,
which I may here quote at length: “As regards
physical pain, though the idea of it is sometimes
exciting, I think the reality is the reverse.
A very slight amount of pain destroys my pleasure
completely. This was the case with me for fully
a month after marriage, and since. When pain has
occasionally been associated with passion, pleasure
has been sensibly diminished. I can imagine
that, when there is a want of sensitiveness so
that the tender kiss or caress might fail to give
pleasure, more forcible methods are desired; but in
that case what would be pain to a sensitive person
would be only a pleasant excitement, and it could
not be truly said that such obtuse persons liked
pain, though they might appear to do so. I cannot
think that anyone enjoys what is pain to them,
if only from the fact that it detracts and divides
the attention. This, however, is only my
own idea drawn from my own negative experience.
No woman has ever told me that she would like to have
pain inflicted on her. On the other hand,
the desire to inflict pain seems almost universal
among men. I have only met one man in whom
I have never at any time been able to detect it.
At the same time most men shrink from putting
their ideas into practice. A friend of my
husband finds his chief pleasure in imagining women
hurt and ill-treated, but is too tender-hearted
ever to inflict pain on them in reality, even
when they are willing to submit to it. Perhaps
a woman’s readiness to submit to pain to please
a man may sometimes be taken for pleasure in it.
Even when women like the idea of pain, I fancy
it is only because it implies subjection to the
man, from association with the fact that physical
pleasure must necessarily be preceded by submission
to his will.”
In a subsequent communication
this lady enlarged and perhaps
somewhat modified her statements
on this point:-
“I don’t think that what
I said to you was quite correct. Actual
pain gives me no pleasure, yet the idea of pain
does, if inflicted by way of discipline and
for the ultimate good of the person suffering
it. This is essential. For instance,
I once read a poem in which the devil and the
lost souls in hell were represented as recognizing
that they could not be good except under torture,
but that while suffering the purifying actions of
the flames of hell they so realized the beauty
of holiness that they submitted willingly to their
agony and praised God for the sternness of his
judgment. This poem gave me decided physical
pleasure, yet I know that if my hand were held
in a fire for five minutes I should feel nothing
but the pain of the burning. To get the feeling
of pleasure, too, I must, for the moment, revert to
my old religious beliefs and my old notion that
mere suffering has an elevating influence; one’s
emotions are greatly modified by one’s beliefs.
When I was about fifteen I invented a game which
I played with a younger sister, in which we were supposed
to be going through a process of discipline and
preparation for heaven after death. Each
person was supposed to enter this state on dying
and to pass successively into the charge of different
angels named after the special virtues it was their
function to instill. The last angel was that
of Love, who governed solely by the quality whose
name he bore. In the lower stages, we were under
an angel called Severity who prepared us by extreme
harshness and by exacting implicit obedience to
arbitrary orders for the acquirement of later
virtues. Our duties were to superintend the
weather, paint the sunrise and sunset, etc., the
constant work involved exercising us in patience
and submission. The physical pleasure came
in in inventing and recounting to each other our
day’s work and the penalties and hardships we
had been subjected to. We never told each
other that we got any physical pleasure out of
this, and I cannot therefore be sure that my sister
did so; I only imagine she did because she entered
so heartily into the spirit of the game.
I could get as much pleasure by imagining myself
the angel and inflicting the pain, under the conditions
mentioned; but my sister did not like this so
much, as she then had no companion in subjection.
I could not, however, thus reverse my feelings
in regard to a man, as it would appear to me unnatural,
and, besides, the greater physical strength is
essential in the superior position. I can, however,
by imagining myself a man, sometimes get pleasure
in conceiving myself as educating and disciplining
a woman by severe measures. There is, however,
no real cruelty in this idea, as I always imagine
her liking it.
“I only get pleasure in the idea
of a woman submitting herself to pain and harshness
from the man she loves when the following conditions
are fulfilled: 1. She must be absolutely
sure of the man’s lov. She must
have perfect confidence in his judgmen.
The pain must be deliberately inflicted, not accidenta. It must be inflicted in kindness and for
her own improvement, not in anger or with any
revengeful feelings, as that would spoil one’s
ideal of the ma. The pain must not be
excessive and must be what when we were children
we used to call a ‘tidy’ pain; i.e.,
there must be no mutilation, cutting, etc.
6. Last, one would have to feel very sure
of one’s own influence over the man. So
much for the idea. As I have never suffered
pain under a combination of all these conditions,
I have no right to say that I should or should
not experience pleasure from its infliction in reality.”
Another lady writes: “I quite
agree that the idea of pain may be pleasurable,
but must be associated with something to be gained
by it. My experience is that it [coitus] does
often hurt for a few moments, but that passes
and the rest is easy; so that the little hurt
is nothing terrible, but all the same annoying if
only for the sake of a few minutes’ pleasure,
which is not long enough. I do not know how
my experience compares with other women’s,
but I feel sure that in my case the time needed is
longer than usual, and the longer the better, always,
with me. As to liking pain-no,
I do not really like it, although I can tolerate
pain very well, of any kind; but I like to feel force
and strength; this is usual, I think, women being-or
supposed to be-passive in love.
I have not found that ’pain at once kills pleasure.’”
Again, another lady briefly states that,
for her, pain has a mental fascination, and that
such pain as she has had she has liked, but that,
if it had been any stronger, pleasure would have been
destroyed.
The evidence thus seems to point, with
various shades of gradation, to the conclusion
that the idea or even the reality of pain in sexual
emotion is welcomed by women, provided that this element
of pain is of small amount and subordinate to the
pleasure which is to follow it. Unless coitus
is fundamentally pleasure the element of pain
must necessarily be unmitigated pain, and a craving
for pain unassociated with a greater satisfaction
to follow it cannot be regarded as normal.
In this connection I may refer to a
suggestive chapter on “The Enjoyment of
Pain” in Hirn’s Origins of Art.
“If we take into account,” says Hirn,
“the powerful stimulating effect which is produced
by acute pain, we may easily understand why people
submit to momentary unpleasantness for the sake
of enjoying the subsequent excitement. This
motive leads to the deliberate creation, not only
of pain-sensations, but also of emotions in which
pain enters as an element. The violent activity
which is involved in the reaction against fear,
and still more in that against anger, affords
us a sensation of pleasurable excitement which
is well worth the cost of the passing unpleasantness.
It is, moreover, notorious that some persons have
developed a peculiar art of making the initial
pain of anger so transient that they can enjoy
the active elements in it with almost undivided
delight. Such an accomplishment is far more difficult
in the case of sorrow.... The creation of
pain-sensations may be explained as a desperate
device for enhancing the intensity of the emotional
state.”
The relation of pain and pleasure to
emotion has been thoroughly discussed, I may add,
by H.R. Marshall in his Pain, Pleasure, and
AEsthetics. He contends that pleasure and
pain are “general qualities, one of which
must, and either of which may, belong to any fixed
element of consciousness.” “Pleasure,”
he considers, “is experienced whenever the
physical activity coincident with the psychic
state to which the pleasure is attached involves the
use of surplus stored force.” We can
see, therefore, how, if pain acts as a stimulant
to emotion, it becomes the servant of pleasure
by supplying it with surplus stored force.
This problem of pain is thus one of
psychic dynamics. If we realize this we shall
begin to understand the place of cruelty in life.
“One ought to learn anew about cruelty,”
said Nietzsche (Beyond Good and Evil, 229),
“and open one’s eyes. Almost everything
that we call ‘higher culture’ is based
upon the spiritualizing and intensifying of cruelty....
Then, to be sure, we must put aside teaching the
blundering psychology of former times, which could
only teach with regard to cruelty that it originated
at the sight of the suffering of others; there
is an abundant, superabundant enjoyment even in
one’s own suffering, in causing one’s
own suffering.” The element of paradox
disappears from this statement if we realize that
it is not a question of “cruelty,”
but of the dynamics of pain.
Camille Bos in a suggestive essay ("Du
Plaisir de la Douleur,”
Revue Philosophique, July, 1902) finds the
explanation of the mystery in that complexity
of the phenomena to which I have already referred.
Both pain and pleasure are complex feelings, the
resultant of various components, and we name that resultant
in accordance with the nature of the strongest
component. “Thus we give to a complexus
a name which strictly belongs only to one of its
factors, and in pain all is not painful.”
When pain becomes a desired end Camille Bos regards
the desire as due to three causes: (1) the
pain contrasts with and revives a pleasure which
custom threatens to dull; (2) the pain by preceding
the pleasure accentuates the positive character
of the latter; (3) pain momentarily raises the
lowered level of sensibility and restores to the
organism for a brief period the faculty of enjoyment
it had lost.
It must therefore be said that, in so
far as pain is pleasurable, it is so only in so
far as it is recognized as a prelude to pleasure,
or else when it is an actual stimulus to the nerves
conveying the sensation of pleasure. The nymphomaniac
who experienced an orgasm at the moment when the
knife passed through her clitoris (as recorded
by Mantegazza) and the prostitute who experienced
keen pleasure when the surgeon removed végétations
from her vulva (as recorded by Fere) took no pleasure
in pain, but in one case the intense craving for
strong sexual emotion, and in the other the long-blunted
nerves of pleasure, welcomed the abnormally strong
impulse; and the pain of the incision, if felt
at all, was immediately swallowed up in the sensation
of pleasure. Moll remarks (Kontraere Sexualempfindung,
third edition, that even in man a trace
of physical pain may be normally combined with
sexual pleasure, when the vagina contracts on
the penis at the moment of ejaculation, the pain,
when not too severe, being almost immediately felt
as pleasure. That there is no pleasure in
the actual pain, even in masochism, is indicated
by the following statement which Krafft-Ebing gives
as representing the experiences of a masochist
(Psychopathia Sexualis English translation,
: “The relation is not of such
a nature that what causes physical pain is simply perceived
as physical pleasure, for the person in a state
of masochistic ecstasy feels no pain, either because
by reason of his emotional state (like that of
the soldier in battle) the physical effect on his
cutaneous nerves is not apperceived, or because (as
with religious martyrs and enthusiasts) in the
preoccupation of consciousness with sexual emotion
the idea of maltreatment remains merely a symbol,
without its quality of pain. To a certain
extent there is overcompensation of physical pain in
psychic pleasure, and only the excess remains in
consciousness as psychic lust. This also
undergoes an increase, since, either through reflex
spinal influence or through a peculiar coloring in
the sensorium of sensory impressions, a kind of
hallucination of bodily pleasure takes place,
with a vague localization of the objectively projected
sensation. In the self-torture of religious enthusiasts
(fakirs, howling dervishes, religious flagellants)
there is an analogous state, only with a difference
in the quality of pleasurable feeling. Here
the conception of martyrdom is also apperceived
without its pain, for consciousness is filled with
the pleasurably colored idea of serving God, atoning
for sins, deserving Heaven, etc., through
martyrdom.” This statement cannot be
said to clear up the matter entirely; but it is fairly
evident that, when a woman says that she finds
pleasure in the pain inflicted by a lover, she
means that under the special circumstances she
finds pleasure in treatment which would at other
times be felt as pain, or else that the slight real
pain experienced is so quickly followed by overwhelming
pleasure that in memory the pain itself seems
to have been pleasure and may even be regarded
as the symbol of pleasure.
There is a special peculiarity of physical
pain, which may be well borne in mind in considering
the phenomena now before us, for it helps to account
for the tolerance with which the idea of pain
is regarded. I refer to the great ease with which
physical pain is forgotten, a fact well known
to all mothers, or to all who have been present
at the birth of a child. As Professor von Tschisch
points out ("Der Schmerz,” Zeitschrift
fuer Psychologie und Physiologie der Sinnesorgane,
Bd. xxvi, h and 2, 1901), memory can
only preserve impressions as a whole; physical pain
consists of a sensation and of a feeling.
But memory cannot easily reproduce the definite
sensation of the pain, and thus the whole memory
is disintegrated and speedily forgotten. It is
quite otherwise with moral suffering, which persists
in memory and has far more influence on conduct.
No one wishes to suffer moral pain or has any
pleasure even in the idea of suffering it.
It is the presence of this essential
tendency which leads to a certain apparent contradiction
in a woman’s emotions. On the one hand,
rooted in the maternal instinct, we find pity, tenderness,
and compassion; on the other hand, rooted in the sexual
instinct, we find a delight in roughness, violence,
pain, and danger, sometimes in herself, sometimes also
in others. The one impulse craves something innocent
and helpless, to cherish and protect; the other delights
in the spectacle of recklessness, audacity, sometimes
even effrontery. A woman is not perfectly happy
in her lover unless he can give at least some satisfaction
to each of these two opposite longings.
The psychological satisfaction which
women tend to feel in a certain degree of pain in
love is strictly co-ordinated with a physical fact.
Women possess a minor degree of sensibility in the
sexual region. This fact must not be misunderstood.
On the one hand, it by no means begs the question
as to whether women’s sensibility generally is
greater or less than that of men; this is a disputed
question and the evidence is still somewhat conflicting.
On the other hand, it also by no means involves a
less degree of specific sexual pleasure in women, for
the tactile sensibility of the sexual organs is no
index to the specific sexual sensibility of those
organs when in a state of tumescence. The real
significance of the less tactile sensibility of the
genital region in women is to be found in parturition
and the special liability of the sexual region in
women to injury. The women who are less sensitive
in this respect would be better able and more willing
to endure the risks of childbirth, and would therefore
tend to supplant those who were more sensitive.
But, as a by-product of this less degree of sensibility,
we have a condition in which physical irritation amounting
even to pain may become to normal women in the state
of extreme tumescence a source of pleasurable excitement,
such as it would rarely be to normal men.
To Calmann appear to be due the first
carefully made observations showing the minor
sensibility of the genital tract in women. (Adolf
Calmann, “Sensibilituetsprufungen am weiblicken
Génitale nach forensichen Gesichtspunkten,”
Archiv fuer Gynaekologie, 1898, .)
He investigated the vagina, urethra, and anus in eighteen
women and found a great lack of sensibility, least
marked in anus, and most marked in vagina. [This
distribution of the insensitiveness alone indicates
that it is due, as I have suggested, to natural
selection.] Sometimes a finger in the vagina could
not be felt at all. One woman, when a catheter
was introduced into the anus, said it might be
the vagina or urethra, but was certainly not the
anus. (Calmann remarks that he was careful to
put his questions in an intelligible form.) The women
were only conscious of the urine being drawn off
when they heard the familiar sound of the stream
or when the bladder was very full; if the sound
of the stream was deadened by a towel they were
quite unconscious that the bladder had been emptied.
[In confirmation of this statement I have noticed
that in a lady whose distended bladder it was
necessary to empty by the catheter shortly before
the birth of her first child-but who had,
indeed, been partly under the influence of chloroform-there
was no consciousness of the artificial relief;
she merely remarked that she thought she could
now relieve herself.] There was some sense of
temperature, but sense of locality, tactile sense,
and judgment of size were often widely erroneous.
It is significant that virgins were just as insensitive
as married women or those who had had children.
Calmann’s experiments appear to be confirmed
by the experiments of Marco Treves, of Turin, on the
thermoesthesiometry of mucous membranes, as reported
to the Turin International Congress of Physiology
(and briefly noted in Nature, November
21, 1901). Treves found that the sensitivity
of mucous membranes is always less than that of
the skin. The mucosa of the urethra and of
the cervix uteri was quite incapable of
heat and cold sensations, and even the cautery excited
only slight, and that painful, sensation.
In further illustration of this point
reference may be made to the not infrequent cases
in which the whole process of parturition and
the enormous distention of tissues which it involves
proceed throughout in an almost or quite painless
manner. It is sufficient to refer to two cases
reported in Paris by Mace and briefly summarized
in the British Medical Journal, May 25,
1901. In the first the patient was a primipara
20 years of age, and, until the dilatation of
the cervix was complete and efforts at expulsion
had commenced, the uterine contractions were quite
painless. In the second case, the mother, aged
25, a tripara, had previously had very rapid labors;
she awoke in the middle of the night without pains,
but during micturition the fetal head appeared
at the vulva, and was soon born.
Further illustration may be found in
those cases in which severe inflammatory processes
may take place in the genital canal without being
noticed. Thus, Maxwell reports the case of a young
Chinese woman, certainly quite normal, in whom
after the birth of her first child the vagina
became almost obliterated, yet beyond slight occasional
pain she noticed nothing wrong until the husband
found that penetration was impossible (British Medical
Journal, January 11, 1902, . The
insensitiveness of the vagina and its contrast,
in this respect, with the penis-though
we are justified in regarding the penis as being,
like organs of special sense, relatively deficient
in general sensibility-are vividly
presented in such an incident as the following, reported
a few years ago in America by Dr. G.W. Allen
in the Boston Medical and Surgical Journal:
A man came under observation with an edematous,
inflamed penis. The wife, the night previous,
on advice of friends, had injected pure carbolic
acid into the vagina just previous to coitus.
The husband, ignorant of the fact, experienced
untoward burning and smarting during and after coitus,
but thought little of it, and soon fell asleep.
The next morning there were large blisters on
the penis, but it was no longer painful.
When seen by Dr. Allen the prepuce was retracted and
edematous, the whole penis was much swollen, and there
were large, perfectly raw surfaces on either side
of the glans.
In this connection we may well bring
into line a remarkable group of phenomena concerning
which much evidence has now accumulated. I refer
to the use of various appliances, fixed in or around
the penis, whether permanently or temporarily during
coitus, such appliance being employed at the woman’s
instigation and solely in order to heighten her excitement
in congress. These appliances have their great
center among the Indonesian peoples (in Bornéo, Java,
Sumatra, the Malay peninsula, the Philippines, etc.),
thence extending in a modified form through China,
to become, it appears, considerably prevalent in Russia;
I have also a note of their appearance in India.
They have another widely diffused center, through
which, however, they are more sparsely scattered, among
the American Indians of the northern and more especially
of the southern continents. Amerigo Vespucci
and other early travelers noted the existence of some
of these appliances, and since Miklucho-Macleay carefully
described them as used in Bornéo their existence
has been generally recognized. They are usually
regarded merely as ethnological curiosities. As
such they would not concern us here. Their real
significance for us is that they illustrate the comparative
insensitiveness of the genital canal in women, while
at the same time they show that a certain amount of
what we cannot but regard as painful stimulation is
craved by women, in order to heighten tumescence and
increase sexual pleasure, even though it can only by
procured by artificial methods. It is, of course,
possible to argue that in these cases we are not concerned
with pain at all, but with a strong stimulation that
is felt as purely pleasurable. There can be no
doubt, however, that in the absence of sexual excitement
this stimulation would be felt as purely painful,
and-in the light of our previous discussion-we
may, perhaps, fairly regard it as a painful stimulation
which is craved, not because it is itself pleasurable,
but because it heightens the highly pleasurable state
of tumescence.
Bornéo, the geographical center of the
Indonesian world, appears also to be the district
in which these instruments are most popular.
The ampallang, palang, kambion, or sprit-sail
yard, as it is variously termed, is a little
rod of bone or metal nearly two inches in length,
rounded at the ends, and used by the Kyans and
Dyaks of Bornéo. Before coitus it is inserted
into a transverse orifice in the penis, made by
a painful and somewhat dangerous operation and
kept open by a quill. Two or more of these
instruments are occasionally worn. Sometimes little
brushes are attached to each end of the instrument.
Another instrument, used by the Dyaks, but said
to have been borrowed from the Malays, is the
palang anus, which is a ring or collar of plaited
palm-fiber, furnished with a pair of stiffish horns
of the same wiry material; it is worn on the neck
of the glans and fits tight to the skin so as
not to slip off. (Brooke Low, “The Natives
of Bornéo,” Journal of the Anthropological
Institute, August and November, 1892, ;
the ampallang and similar instruments are
described by Ploss and Bartels, Das Weib, Bd.
i, chapter xvii; also in Untrodden Fields of
Anthropology, by a French army surgeon,
1898, vol. ii, pp. 135-141; also Mantegazza,
Gli Amori degli Uomini, French translation,
et seq.) Riedel informed Miklucho-Macleay
that in the Celebes the Alfurus fasten the eyelids
of goats with the eyelashes round the corona of
the glans penis, and in Java a piece of goatskin is
used in a similar way, so as to form a hairy sheath
(Zeitschrift fuer Ethnologie, 1876, pp.
22-25), while among the Batta, of Sumatra, Hagen
found that small stones are inserted by an incision
under the skin of the penis (Zeitschrift fuer
Ethnologie, 1891, h, .
In the Malay peninsula Stevens found
instruments somewhat similar to the ampallang
still in use among some tribes, and among others
formerly in use. He thinks they were brought from
Bornéo. (H.V. Stevens, Zeitschrift
fuer Ethnologie, 1896, h, .) Bloch,
who brings forward other examples of similar devices
(Beitraege zur AEtiologie der Psychopathia Sexualis,
pp. 56-58), considers that the Australian
mica operation may thus in part be explained.
Such instruments are not, however, entirely
unknown in Europe. In France, in the eighteenth
century, it appears that rings, sometimes set
with hard knobs, and called “aides,” were
occasionally used by men to heighten the pleasure
of women in intercourse. (Duehren, Marquis
de Sade, 1901, .) In Russia, according
to Weissenberg, of Elizabethsgrad, it is not uncommon
to use elastic rings set with little teeth; these rings
are fastened around the base of the glans. (Weissenberg,
Zeitschrift fuer Ethnologie, 1893, h,
.) This instrument must have been brought
to Russia from the East, for Burton (in the notes
to his Arabian Nights) mentions a precisely
similar instrument as in use in China. Somewhat
similar is the “Chinese hedgehog,”
a wreath of fine, soft feathers with the quills
solidly fastened by silver wire to a ring of the same
metal, which is slipped over the glans. In
South America the Araucanians of Argentina use
a little horsehair brush fastened around the penis;
one of these is in the museum at La Plata; it is
said the custom may have been borrowed from the Patagonians;
these instruments, called geskels, are made
by the women and the workmanship is very delicate.
(Lehmann-Nitsche, Zeitschrift fuer Ethnologie,
1900, h, .) It is noteworthy that a somewhat
similar tuft of horsehair is also worn in Bornéo.
(Breitenstein, 21 Jahre in India, 1899,
pt. i, .) Most of the accounts state
that the women attach great importance to the gratification
afforded by such instruments. In Bornéo a modest
woman symbolically indicates to her lover the exact
length of the ampallang she would prefer by leaving
at a particular spot a cigarette of that length.
Miklucho-Macleay considers that these instruments
were invented by women. Brooke Low remarks that
“no woman once habituated to its use will
ever dream of permitting her bedfellow to discontinue
the practice of wearing it,” and Stevens
states that at one time no woman would marry a man
who was not furnished with such an apparatus.
It may be added that a very similar appliance
may be found in European countries (especially
Germany) in the use of a condom furnished with irregularities,
or a frill, in order to increase the woman’s
excitement. It is not impossible to find evidence
that, in European countries, even in the absence
of such instruments, the craving which they gratify
still exists in women. Thus, Mauriac tells
of a patient with végétations on the glans who
delayed treatment because his mistress liked him
so best (art. “Végétations,”
Dictionnaire de Médecine et Chirurgie pratique).
It may seem that such impulses and such
devices to gratify them are altogether unnatural.
This is not so. They have a zooelogical basis
and in many animals are embodied in the anatomical
structure. Many rodents, ruminants, and some
of the carnivora show natural developments
of the penis closely resembling some of those
artificially adopted by man. Thus the guinea-pigs
possess two horny styles attached to the penis,
while the glans of the penis is covered with sharp
spines. Some of the Caviidae also have two
sharp, horny saws at the side of the penis. The
cat, the rhinoceros, the tapir, and other animals
possess projecting structures on the penis, and
some species of ruminants, such as the sheep,
the giraffe, and many antelopes, have, attached to
the penis, long filiform processes through which
the urethra passes. (F.H.A. Marshall,
The Physiology of Reproduction, pp. 246-248.)
We find, even in creatures so delicate
and ethereal as the butterflies, a whole armory
of keen weapons for use in coitus. These
were described in detail in an elaborate and fully
illustrated memoir by P.H. Gosse ("On the
Clasping Organs Ancillary to Generation in Certain
Groups of the Lepidoptera,” Transactions
of the Linnaean Society, second series, vol.
ii, Zooelogy, 1882). These organs, which
Gosse terms harpes (or grappling irons),
are found in the Papilionidae and are very beautiful
and varied, taking the forms of projecting claws,
hooks, pikes, swords, knobs, and strange combinations
of these, commonly brought to a keen edge and
then cut into sharp teeth.
It is probable that all these
structures serve to excite the
sexual apparatus of the female
and to promote tumescence.
To the careless observer there may seem
to be something vicious or perverted in such manifestations
in man. That opinion becomes very doubtful
when we consider how these tendencies occur in people
living under natural conditions in widely separated
parts of the world. It becomes still further
untenable if we are justified in believing that
the ancestors of men possessed projecting epithelial
appendages attached to the penis, and if we accept
the discovery by Friedenthal of the rudiment of these
appendages on the penis of the human fetus at an
early stage (Friedenthal, “Sonderformen
der menschlichen Leibesbildung,” Sexual-Problème,
Feb., 1912, . In this case human ingenuity
would merely be seeking to supply an organ which nature
has ceased to furnish, although it is still in
some cases needed, especially among peoples whose
aptitude for erethism has remained at, or fallen
to, a subhuman level.
At first sight the connection between
love and pain-the tendency of men to delight
in inflicting it and women in suffering it-seems
strange and inexplicable. It seems amazing that
a tender and even independent woman should maintain
a passionate attachment to a man who subjects her to
physical and moral insults, and that a strong man,
often intelligent, reasonable, and even kind-hearted,
should desire to subject to such insults a woman whom
he loves passionately and who has given him every
final proof of her own passion. In understanding
such cases we have to remember that it is only within
limits that a woman really enjoys the pain, discomfort,
or subjection to which she submits. A little pain
which the man knows he can himself soothe, a little
pain which the woman gladly accepts as the sign and
forerunner of pleasure-this degree of pain
comes within the normal limits of love and is rooted,
as we have seen, in the experience of the race.
But when it is carried beyond these limits, though
it may still be tolerated because of the support it
receives from its biological basis, it is no longer
enjoyed. The natural note has been too violently
struck, and the rhythm of love has ceased to be perfect.
A woman may desire to be forced, to be roughly forced,
to be ravished away beyond her own will. But
all the time she only desires to be forced toward those
things which are essentially and profoundly agreeable
to her. A man who fails to realize this has made
little progress in the art of love. “I like
being knocked about and made to do things I don’t
want to do,” a woman said, but she admitted,
on being questioned, that she would not like to have
much pain inflicted, and that she might not
care to be made to do important things she did not
want to do. The story of Griselda’s unbounded
submissiveness can scarcely be said to be psychologically
right, though it has its artistic rightness as an
elaborate fantasia on this theme justified by its
conclusion.
This point is further illustrated by
the following passage from a letter written by
a lady: “Submission to the man’s will
is still, and always must be, the prelude to pleasure,
and the association of ideas will probably always
produce this much misunderstood instinct.
Now, I find, indirectly from other women and directly
from my own experience, that, when the point in
dispute is very important and the man exerts his
authority, the desire to get one’s own way
completely obliterates the sexual feeling, while,
conversely, in small things the sexual feeling
obliterates the desire to have one’s own
way. Where the two are nearly equal a conflict
between them ensues, and I can stand aside and wonder
which will get the best of it, though I encourage
the sexual feeling when possible, as, if the other
conquers, it leaves a sense of great mental irritation
and physical discomfort. A man should command
in small things, as in nine cases out of ten this
will produce excitement. He should advise
in large matters, or he may find either that he
is unable to enforce his orders or that he produces
a feeling of dislike and annoyance he was far from
intending. Women imagine men must be stronger
than themselves to excite their passion.
I disagree. A passionate man has the best
chance, for in him the primitive instincts are strong.
The wish to subdue the female is one of them, and in
small things he will exert his authority to make
her feel his power, while she knows that on a
question of real importance she has a good chance
of getting her own way by working on his greater
susceptibility. Perhaps an illustration will show
what I mean. I was listening to the band
and a girl and her fiance came up to occupy
two seats near me. The girl sank into one seat,
but for some reason the man wished her to take
the other. She refused. He repeated
his order twice, the second time so peremptorily
that she changed places, and I heard him say:
’I don’t think you heard what I said.
I don’t expect to give an order three times.’
“This little scene interested
me, and I afterward asked the girl
the following questions:-
“‘Had you any
reason for taking one chair more than the other?’
“‘No.’
“’Did Mr. -’s
insistence on your changing give you any
pleasure?’
“‘Yes’ (after
a little hesitation).
“‘Why?’
“‘I don’t
know.’
“’Would it have
done so if you had particularly wished to sit in
that chair; if, for instance,
you had had a boil on your cheek
and wished to turn that side
away from him?’
“’No; certainly
not. The worry of thinking he was looking at it
would have made me too cross
to feel pleased.’
“Does this explain what I mean?
The occasion, by the way, need not be really important,
but, as in this imaginary case of the boil, if
it seems important to the woman, irritation
will outweigh the physical sensation.”
I am well aware that in thus asserting
a certain tendency in women to delight in suffering
pain-however careful and qualified the position
I have taken-many estimable people will
cry out that I am degrading a whole sex and generally
supporting the “subjection of women.”
But the day for academic discussion concerning the
“subjection of women” has gone by.
The tendency I have sought to make clear is too well
established by the experience of normal and typical
women-however numerous the exceptions may
be-to be called in question. I would
point out to those who would deprecate the influence
of such facts in relation to social progress that
nothing is gained by regarding women as simply men
of smaller growth. They are not so; they have
the laws of their own nature; their development must
be along their own lines, and not along masculine lines.
It is as true now as in Bacon’s day that we
only learn to command nature by obeying her. To
ignore facts is to court disappointment in our measure
of progress. The particular fact with which we
have here come in contact is very vital and radical,
and most subtle in its influence. It is foolish
to ignore it; we must allow for its existence.
We can neither attain a sane view of life nor a sane
social legislation of life unless we possess a just
and accurate knowledge of the fundamental instincts
upon which life is built.