I-
It wasn’t the first time Strether
had sat alone in the great dim church still
less was it the first of his giving himself up, so
far as conditions permitted, to its beneficent action
on his nerves. He had been to Notre Dame with
Waymarsh, he had been there with Miss Gostrey, he
had been there with Chad Newsome, and had found the
place, even in company, such a refuge from the obsession
of his problem that, with renewed pressure from that
source, he had not unnaturally recurred to a remedy
meeting the case, for the moment, so indirectly, no
doubt, but so relievingly. He was conscious
enough that it was only for the moment, but good moments if
he could call them good still had their
value for a man who by this time struck himself as
living almost disgracefully from hand to mouth.
Having so well learnt the way, he had lately made
the pilgrimage more than once by himself had
quite stolen off, taking an unnoticed chance and making
no point of speaking of the adventure when restored
to his friends.
His great friend, for that matter,
was still absent, as well as remarkably silent; even
at the end of three weeks Miss Gostrey hadn’t
come back. She wrote to him from Mentone, admitting
that he must judge her grossly inconsequent perhaps
in fact for the time odiously faithless; but asking
for patience, for a deferred sentence, throwing herself
in short on his generosity. For her too, she
could assure him, life was complicated more
complicated than he could have guessed; she had moreover
made certain of him certain of not wholly
missing him on her return before her disappearance.
If furthermore she didn’t burden him with letters
it was frankly because of her sense of the other great
commerce he had to carry on. He himself, at the
end of a fortnight, had written twice, to show how
his generosity could be trusted; but he reminded himself
in each case of Mrs. Newsome’s epistolary manner
at the times when Mrs. Newsome kept off delicate ground.
He sank his problem, he talked of Waymarsh and Miss
Barrace, of little Bilham and the set over the river,
with whom he had again had tea, and he was easy, for
convenience, about Chad and Madame de Vionnet and Jeanne.
He admitted that he continued to see them, he was
decidedly so confirmed a haunter of Chad’s premises
and that young man’s practical intimacy with
them was so undeniably great; but he had his reason
for not attempting to render for Miss Gostrey’s
benefit the impression of these last days. That
would be to tell her too much about himself it
being at present just from himself he was trying to
escape.
This small struggle sprang not a little,
in its way, from the same impulse that had now carried
him across to Notre Dame; the impulse to let things
be, to give them time to justify themselves or at least
to pass. He was aware of having no errand in
such a place but the desire not to be, for the hour,
in certain other places; a sense of safety, of simplification,
which each time he yielded to it he amused himself
by thinking of as a private concession to cowardice.
The great church had no altar for his worship, no
direct voice for his soul; but it was none the less
soothing even to sanctity; for he could feel while
there what he couldn’t elsewhere, that he was
a plain tired man taking the holiday he had earned.
He was tired, but he wasn’t plain that
was the pity and the trouble of it; he was able, however,
to drop his problem at the door very much as if it
had been the copper piece that he deposited, on the
threshold, in the receptacle of the inveterate blind
beggar. He trod the long dim nave, sat in the
splendid choir, paused before the cluttered chapels
of the east end, and the mighty monument laid upon
him its spell. He might have been a student under
the charm of a museum which was exactly
what, in a foreign town, in the afternoon of life,
he would have liked to be free to be. This form
of sacrifice did at any rate for the occasion as well
as another; it made him quite sufficiently understand
how, within the precinct, for the real refugee, the
things of the world could fall into abeyance.
That was the cowardice, probably to dodge
them, to beg the question, not to deal with it in
the hard outer light; but his own oblivions were too
brief, too vain, to hurt any one but himself, and
he had a vague and fanciful kindness for certain persons
whom he met, figures of mystery and anxiety, and whom,
with observation for his pastime, he ranked as those
who were fleeing from justice. Justice was outside,
in the hard light, and injustice too; but one was
as absent as the other from the air of the long aisles
and the brightness of the many altars.
Thus it was at all events that, one
morning some dozen days after the dinner in the Boulevard
Malesherbes at which Madame de Vionnet had been present
with her daughter, he was called upon to play his part
in an encounter that deeply stirred his imagination.
He had the habit, in these contemplations, of watching
a fellow visitant, here and there, from a respectable
distance, remarking some note of behaviour, of penitence,
of prostration, of the absolved, relieved state; this
was the manner in which his vague tenderness took
its course, the degree of demonstration to which it
naturally had to confine itself. It hadn’t
indeed so felt its responsibility as when on this occasion
he suddenly measured the suggestive effect of a lady
whose supreme stillness, in the shade of one of the
chapels, he had two or three times noticed as he made,
and made once more, his slow circuit. She wasn’t
prostrate not in any degree bowed, but she
was strangely fixed, and her prolonged immobility
showed her, while he passed and paused, as wholly
given up to the need, whatever it was, that had brought
her there. She only sat and gazed before her,
as he himself often sat; but she had placed herself,
as he never did, within the focus of the shrine, and
she had lost herself, he could easily see, as he would
only have liked to do. She was not a wandering
alien, keeping back more than she gave, but one of
the familiar, the intimate, the fortunate, for whom
these dealings had a method and a meaning. She
reminded our friend since it was the way
of nine tenths of his current impressions to act as
recalls of things imagined of some fine
firm concentrated heroine of an old story, something
he had heard, read, something that, had he had a hand
for drama, he might himself have written, renewing
her courage, renewing her clearness, in splendidly-protected
meditation. Her back, as she sat, was turned
to him, but his impression absolutely required that
she should be young and interesting, and she carried
her head moreover, even in the sacred shade, with
a discernible faith in herself, a kind of implied
conviction of consistency, security, impunity.
But what had such a woman come for if she hadn’t
come to pray? Strether’s reading of such
matters was, it must be owned, confused; but he wondered
if her attitude were some congruous fruit of absolution,
of “indulgence.” He knew but dimly
what indulgence, in such a place, might mean; yet he
had, as with a soft sweep, a vision of how it might
indeed add to the zest of active rites. All
this was a good deal to have been denoted by a mere
lurking figure who was nothing to him; but, the last
thing before leaving the church, he had the surprise
of a still deeper quickening.
He had dropped upon a seat halfway
down the nave and, again in the museum mood, was trying
with head thrown back and eyes aloft, to reconstitute
a past, to reduce it in fact to the convenient terms
of Victor Hugo, whom, a few days before, giving the
rein for once in a way to the joy of life, he had
purchased in seventy bound volumes, a miracle of cheapness,
parted with, he was assured by the shopman, at the
price of the red-and-gold alone. He looked, doubtless,
while he played his eternal nippers over Gothic glooms,
sufficiently rapt in reverence; but what his thought
had finally bumped against was the question of where,
among packed accumulations, so multiform a wedge would
be able to enter. Were seventy volumes in red-and-gold
to be perhaps what he should most substantially have
to show at Woollett as the fruit of his mission?
It was a possibility that held him a minute held
him till he happened to feel that some one, unnoticed,
had approached him and paused. Turning, he saw
that a lady stood there as for a greeting, and he
sprang up as he next took her, securely, for Madame
de Vionnet, who appeared to have recognised him as
she passed near him on her way to the door.
She checked, quickly and gaily, a certain confusion
in him, came to meet it, turned it back, by an art
of her own; the confusion having threatened him as
he knew her for the person he had lately been observing.
She was the lurking figure of the dim chapel; she
had occupied him more than she guessed; but it came
to him in time, luckily, that he needn’t tell
her and that no harm, after all, had been done.
She herself, for that matter, straightway showing
she felt their encounter as the happiest of accidents,
had for him a “You come here too?” that
despoiled surprise of every awkwardness.
“I come often,” she said.
“I love this place, but I’m terrible,
in general, for churches. The old women who
live in them all know me; in fact I’m already
myself one of the old women. It’s like
that, at all events, that I foresee I shall end.”
Looking about for a chair, so that he instantly pulled
one nearer, she sat down with him again to the sound
of an “Oh, I like so much your also being fond !”
He confessed the extent of his feeling,
though she left the object vague; and he was struck
with the tact, the taste of her vagueness, which simply
took for granted in him a sense of beautiful things.
He was conscious of how much it was affected, this
sense, by something subdued and discreet in the way
she had arranged herself for her special object and
her morning walk he believed her to have
come on foot; the way her slightly thicker veil was
drawn a mere touch, but everything; the
composed gravity of her dress, in which, here and
there, a dull wine-colour seemed to gleam faintly through
black; the charming discretion of her small compact
head; the quiet note, as she sat, of her folded, grey-gloved
hands. It was, to Strether’s mind, as
if she sat on her own ground, the light honours of
which, at an open gate, she thus easily did him, while
all the vastness and mystery of the domain stretched
off behind. When people were so completely in
possession they could be extraordinarily civil; and
our friend had indeed at this hour a kind of revelation
of her heritage. She was romantic for him far
beyond what she could have guessed, and again he found
his small comfort in the conviction that, subtle though
she was, his impression must remain a secret from
her. The thing that, once more, made him uneasy
for secrets in general was this particular patience
she could have with his own want of colour; albeit
that on the other hand his uneasiness pretty well
dropped after he had been for ten minutes as colourless
as possible and at the same time as responsive.
The moments had already, for that
matter, drawn their deepest tinge from the special
interest excited in him by his vision of his companion’s
identity with the person whose attitude before the
glimmering altar had so impressed him. This attitude
fitted admirably into the stand he had privately taken
about her connexion with Chad on the last occasion
of his seeing them together. It helped him to
stick fast at the point he had then reached; it was
there he had resolved that he would stick, and
at no moment since had it seemed as easy to do so.
Unassailably innocent was a relation that could make
one of the parties to it so carry herself. If
it wasn’t innocent why did she haunt the churches? into
which, given the woman he could believe he made out,
she would never have come to flaunt an insolence of
guilt. She haunted them for continued help,
for strength, for peace sublime support
which, if one were able to look at it so, she found
from day to day. They talked, in low easy tones
and with lifted lingering looks, about the great monument
and its history and its beauty all of which,
Madame de Vionnet professed, came to her most in the
other, the outer view. “We’ll presently,
after we go,” she said, “walk round it
again if you like. I’m not in a particular
hurry, and it will be pleasant to look at it well
with you.” He had spoken of the great romancer
and the great romance, and of what, to his imagination,
they had done for the whole, mentioning to her moreover
the exorbitance of his purchase, the seventy blazing
volumes that were so out of proportion.
“Out of proportion to what?”
“Well, to any other plunge.”
Yet he felt even as he spoke how at that instant
he was plunging. He had made up his mind and
was impatient to get into the air; for his purpose
was a purpose to be uttered outside, and he had a
fear that it might with delay still slip away from
him. She however took her time; she drew out
their quiet gossip as if she had wished to profit
by their meeting, and this confirmed precisely an
interpretation of her manner, of her mystery.
While she rose, as he would have called it, to the
question of Victor Hugo, her voice itself, the light
low quaver of her deference to the solemnity about
them, seemed to make her words mean something that
they didn’t mean openly. Help, strength,
peace, a sublime support she hadn’t
found so much of these things as that the amount wouldn’t
be sensibly greater for any scrap his appearance of
faith in her might enable her to feel in her hand.
Every little, in a long strain, helped, and if he happened
to affect her as a firm object she could hold on by,
he wouldn’t jerk himself out of her reach.
People in difficulties held on by what was nearest,
and he was perhaps after all not further off than sources
of comfort more abstract. It was as to this
he had made up his mind; he had made it up, that is,
to give her a sign. The sign would be that though
it was her own affair he understood; the
sign would be that though it was her own
affair she was free to clutch. Since
she took him for a firm object much as
he might to his own sense appear at times to rock he
would do his best to be one.
The end of it was that half an hour
later they were seated together for an early luncheon
at a wonderful, a delightful house of entertainment
on the left bank a place of pilgrimage for
the knowing, they were both aware, the knowing who
came, for its great renown, the homage of restless
days, from the other end of the town. Strether
had already been there three times first
with Miss Gostrey, then with Chad, then with Chad
again and with Waymarsh and little Bilham, all of whom
he had himself sagaciously entertained; and his pleasure
was deep now on learning that Madame de Vionnet hadn’t
yet been initiated. When he had said as they
strolled round the church, by the river, acting at
last on what, within, he had made up his mind to,
“Will you, if you have time, come to dejeuner
with me somewhere? For instance, if you know
it, over there on the other side, which is so easy
a walk” and then had named the place;
when he had done this she stopped short as for quick
intensity, and yet deep difficulty, of response.
She took in the proposal as if it were almost too
charming to be true; and there had perhaps never yet
been for her companion so unexpected a moment of pride so
fine, so odd a case, at any rate, as his finding himself
thus able to offer to a person in such universal possession
a new, a rare amusement. She had heard of the
happy spot, but she asked him in reply to a further
question how in the world he could suppose her to have
been there. He supposed himself to have supposed
that Chad might have taken her, and she guessed this
the next moment to his no small discomfort.
“Ah, let me explain,”
she smiled, “that I don’t go about with
him in public; I never have such chances not
having them otherwise and it’s just
the sort of thing that, as a quiet creature living
in my hole, I adore.” It was more than
kind of him to have thought of it though,
frankly, if he asked whether she had time she hadn’t
a single minute. That however made no difference she’d
throw everything over. Every duty at home, domestic,
maternal, social, awaited her; but it was a case for
a high line. Her affairs would go to smash, but
hadn’t one a right to one’s snatch of
scandal when one was prepared to pay? It was
on this pleasant basis of costly disorder, consequently,
that they eventually seated themselves, on either
side of a small table, at a window adjusted to the
busy quay and the shining barge-burdened Seine; where,
for an hour, in the matter of letting himself go, of
diving deep, Strether was to feel he had touched bottom.
He was to feel many things on this occasion, and
one of the first of them was that he had travelled
far since that evening in London, before the theatre,
when his dinner with Maria Gostrey, between the pink-shaded
candles, had struck him as requiring so many explanations.
He had at that time gathered them in, the explanations he
had stored them up; but it was at present as if he
had either soared above or sunk below them he
couldn’t tell which; he could somehow think of
none that didn’t seem to leave the appearance
of collapse and cynicism easier for him than lucidity.
How could he wish it to be lucid for others, for any
one, that he, for the hour, saw reasons enough in
the mere way the bright clean ordered water-side life
came in at the open window? the mere way
Madame de Vionnet, opposite him over their intensely
white table-linen, their omelette aux tomates,
their bottle of straw-coloured Chablis, thanked him
for everything almost with the smile of a child, while
her grey eyes moved in and out of their talk, back
to the quarter of the warm spring air, in which early
summer had already begun to throb, and then back again
to his face and their human questions.
Their human questions became many
before they had done many more, as one
after the other came up, than our friend’s free
fancy had at all foreseen. The sense he had
had before, the sense he had had repeatedly, the sense
that the situation was running away with him, had
never been so sharp as now; and all the more that he
could perfectly put his finger on the moment it had
taken the bit in its teeth. That accident had
definitely occurred, the other evening, after Chad’s
dinner; it had occurred, as he fully knew, at the moment
when he interposed between this lady and her child,
when he suffered himself so to discuss with her a
matter closely concerning them that her own subtlety,
marked by its significant “Thank you!”
instantly sealed the occasion in her favour.
Again he had held off for ten days, but the situation
had continued out of hand in spite of that; the fact
that it was running so fast being indeed just why
he had held off. What had come over him as he
recognised her in the nave of the church was that
holding off could be but a losing game from the instant
she was worked for not only by her subtlety, but by
the hand of fate itself. If all the accidents
were to fight on her side and by the actual
showing they loomed large he could only
give himself up. This was what he had done in
privately deciding then and there to propose she should
breakfast with him. What did the success of his
proposal in fact resemble but the smash in which a
regular runaway properly ends? The smash was
their walk, their dejeuner, their omelette, the Chablis,
the place, the view, their present talk and his present
pleasure in it to say nothing, wonder of
wonders, of her own. To this tune and nothing
less, accordingly, was his surrender made good.
It sufficiently lighted up at least the folly of
holding off. Ancient proverbs sounded, for his
memory, in the tone of their words and the clink of
their glasses, in the hum of the town and the plash
of the river. It was clearly better to
suffer as a sheep than as a lamb. One might as
well perish by the sword as by famine.
“Maria’s still away?” that
was the first thing she had asked him; and when he
had found the frankness to be cheerful about it in
spite of the meaning he knew her to attach to Miss
Gostrey’s absence, she had gone on to enquire
if he didn’t tremendously miss her. There
were reasons that made him by no means sure, yet he
nevertheless answered “Tremendously”;
which she took in as if it were all she had wished
to prove. Then, “A man in trouble must
be possessed somehow of a woman,” she said;
“if she doesn’t come in one way she comes
in another.”
“Why do you call me a man in trouble?”
“Ah because that’s the
way you strike me.” She spoke ever so gently
and as if with all fear of wounding him while she sat
partaking of his bounty. “AREn’t
you in trouble?”
He felt himself colour at the question,
and then hated that hated to pass for anything
so idiotic as woundable. Woundable by Chad’s
lady, in respect to whom he had come out with such
a fund of indifference was he already at
that point? Perversely, none the less, his pause
gave a strange air of truth to her supposition; and
what was he in fact but disconcerted at having struck
her just in the way he had most dreamed of not doing?
“I’m not in trouble yet,” he at
last smiled. “I’m not in trouble
now.”
“Well, I’m always so.
But that you sufficiently know.” She was
a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with
her elbows on the table. It was a posture unknown
to Mrs. Newsome, but it was easy for a femme du monde.
“Yes I am ’now’!”
“There was a question you put
to me,” he presently returned, “the night
of Chad’s dinner. I didn’t answer
it then, and it has been very handsome of you not
to have sought an occasion for pressing me about it
since.”
She was instantly all there.
“Of course I know what you allude to. I
asked you what you had meant by saying, the day you
came to see me, just before you left me, that you’d
save me. And you then said at our
friend’s that you’d have really
to wait to see, for yourself, what you did mean.”
“Yes, I asked for time,”
said Strether. “And it sounds now, as you
put it, like a very ridiculous speech.”
“Oh!” she murmured she
was full of attenuation. But she had another
thought. “If it does sound ridiculous why
do you deny that you’re in trouble?”
“Ah if I were,” he replied,
“it wouldn’t be the trouble of fearing
ridicule. I don’t fear it.”
“What then do you?”
“Nothing now.” And he
leaned back in his chair.
“I like your ’now’!” she laughed
across at him.
“Well, it’s precisely
that it fully comes to me at present that I’ve
kept you long enough. I know by this time, at
any rate, what I meant by my speech; and I really
knew it the night of Chad’s dinner.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it was difficult at
the moment. I had already at that moment done
something for you, in the sense of what I had said
the day I went to see you; but I wasn’t then
sure of the importance I might represent this as having.”
She was all eagerness. “And you’re
sure now?”
“Yes; I see that, practically,
I’ve done for you had done for you
when you put me your question all that
it’s as yet possible to me to do. I feel
now,” he went on, “that it may go further
than I thought. What I did after my visit to
you,” he explained, “was to write straight
off to Mrs. Newsome about you, and I’m at last,
from one day to the other, expecting her answer.
It’s this answer that will represent, as I
believe, the consequences.”
Patient and beautiful was her interest.
“I see the consequences of your
speaking for me.” And she waited as if
not to hustle him.
He acknowledged it by immediately
going on. “The question, you understand,
was how I should save you. Well, I’m
trying it by thus letting her know that I consider
you worth saving.”
“I see I see.” Her eagerness
broke through.
“How can I thank you enough?”
He couldn’t tell her that, however, and she
quickly pursued. “You do really, for yourself,
consider it?”
His only answer at first was to help
her to the dish that had been freshly put before them.
“I’ve written to her again since then I’ve
left her in no doubt of what I think. I’ve
told her all about you.”
“Thanks not so much.
‘All about’ me,” she went on “yes.”
“All it seems to me you’ve done for him.”
“Ah and you might have added
all it seems to me!” She laughed again,
while she took up her knife and fork, as in the cheer
of these assurances. “But you’re
not sure how she’ll take it.”
“No, I’ll not pretend I’m sure.”
“Voila.” And she waited a moment.
“I wish you’d tell me about her.”
“Oh,” said Strether with
a slightly strained smile, “all that need concern
you about her is that she’s really a grand person.”
Madame de Vionnet seemed to demur.
“Is that all that need concern me about her?”
But Strether neglected the question.
“Hasn’t Chad talked to you?”
“Of his mother? Yes, a
great deal immensely. But not from
your point of view.”
“He can’t,” our
friend returned, “have said any ill of her.”
“Not the least bit. He
has given me, like you, the assurance that she’s
really grand. But her being really grand is somehow
just what hasn’t seemed to simplify our case.
Nothing,” she continued, “is further
from me than to wish to say a word against her; but
of course I feel how little she can like being told
of her owing me anything. No woman ever enjoys
such an obligation to another woman.”
This was a proposition Strether couldn’t
contradict. “And yet what other way could
I have expressed to her what I felt? It’s
what there was most to say about you.”
“Do you mean then that she will be good
to me?”
“It’s what I’m waiting
to see. But I’ve little doubt she would,”
he added, “if she could comfortably see you.”
It seemed to strike her as a happy,
a beneficent thought. “Oh then couldn’t
that be managed? Wouldn’t she come out?
Wouldn’t she if you so put it to her?
Did you by any possibility?” she faintly
quavered.
“Oh no” he
was prompt. “Not that. It would be,
much more, to give an account of you that since
there’s no question of your paying the
visit I should go home first.”
It instantly made her graver.
“And are you thinking of that?”
“Oh all the while, naturally.”
“Stay with us stay
with us!” she exclaimed on this. “That’s
your only way to make sure.”
“To make sure of what?”
“Why that he doesn’t break up. You
didn’t come out to do that to him.”
“Doesn’t it depend,”
Strether returned after a moment, “on what you
mean by breaking up?”
“Oh you know well enough what I mean!”
His silence seemed again for a little
to denote an understanding. “You take for
granted remarkable things.”
“Yes, I do to the
extent that I don’t take for granted vulgar ones.
You’re perfectly capable of seeing that what
you came out for wasn’t really at all to do
what you’d now have to do.”
“Ah it’s perfectly simple,”
Strether good-humouredly pleaded. “I’ve
had but one thing to do to put our case
before him. To put it as it could only be put
here on the spot by personal pressure.
My dear lady,” he lucidly pursued, “my
work, you see, is really done, and my reasons for
staying on even another day are none of the best.
Chad’s in possession of our case and professes
to do it full justice. What remains is with
himself. I’ve had my rest, my amusement
and refreshment; I’ve had, as we say at Woollett,
a lovely time. Nothing in it has been more lovely
than this happy meeting with you in these
fantastic conditions to which you’ve so delightfully
consented. I’ve a sense of success.
It’s what I wanted. My getting all this
good is what Chad has waited for, and I gather that
if I’m ready to go he’s the same.”
She shook her head with a finer deeper
wisdom. “You’re not ready. If
you’re ready why did you write to Mrs. Newsome
in the sense you’ve mentioned to me?”
Strether considered. “I
shan’t go before I hear from her. You’re
too much afraid of her,” he added.
It produced between them a long look
from which neither shrank. “I don’t
think you believe that believe I’ve
not really reason to fear her.”
“She’s capable of great
generosity,” Strether presently stated.
“Well then let her trust me
a little. That’s all I ask. Let her
recognise in spite of everything what I’ve done.”
“Ah remember,” our friend
replied, “that she can’t effectually recognise
it without seeing it for herself. Let Chad go
over and show her what you’ve done, and let
him plead with her there for it and, as it were, for
you.”
She measured the depth of this suggestion.
“Do you give me your word of honour that if
she once has him there she won’t do her best
to marry him?”
It made her companion, this enquiry,
look again a while out at the view; after which he
spoke without sharpness. “When she sees
for herself what he is ”
But she had already broken in.
“It’s when she sees for herself what he
is that she’ll want to marry him most.”
Strether’s attitude, that of
due deference to what she said, permitted him to attend
for a minute to his luncheon. “I doubt
if that will come off. It won’t be easy
to make it.”
“It will be easy if he remains
there and he’ll remain for the money.
The money appears to be, as a probability, so hideously
much.”
“Well,” Strether presently
concluded, “nothing could really hurt you
but his marrying.”
She gave a strange light laugh.
“Putting aside what may really hurt him.”
But her friend looked at her as if
he had thought of that too. “The question
will come up, of course, of the future that you yourself
offer him.”
She was leaning back now, but she
fully faced him. “Well, let it come up!”
“The point is that it’s
for Chad to make of it what he can. His being
proof against marriage will show what he does make.”
“If he is proof, yes” she
accepted the proposition. “But for myself,”
she added, “the question is what you make.”
“Ah I make nothing. It’s not my
affair.”
“I beg your pardon. It’s
just there that, since you’ve taken it up and
are committed to it, it most intensely becomes yours.
You’re not saving me, I take it, for your interest
in myself, but for your interest in our friend.
The one’s at any rate wholly dependent on the
other. You can’t in honour not see me through,”
she wound up, “because you can’t in honour
not see him.”
Strange and beautiful to him was her
quiet soft acuteness. The thing that most moved
him was really that she was so deeply serious.
She had none of the portentous forms of it, but he
had never come in contact, it struck him, with a force
brought to so fine a head. Mrs. Newsome, goodness
knew, was serious; but it was nothing to this.
He took it all in, he saw it all together.
“No,” he mused, “I can’t in
honour not see him.”
Her face affected him as with an exquisite
light. “You will then?”
“I will.”
At this she pushed back her chair
and was the next moment on her feet. “Thank
you!” she said with her hand held out to him
across the table and with no less a meaning in the
words than her lips had so particularly given them
after Chad’s dinner. The golden nail she
had then driven in pierced a good inch deeper.
Yet he reflected that he himself had only meanwhile
done what he had made up his mind to on the same occasion.
So far as the essence of the matter went he had simply
stood fast on the spot on which he had then planted
his feet.
II-
He received three days after this
a communication from America, in the form of a scrap
of blue paper folded and gummed, not reaching him
through his bankers, but delivered at his hotel by
a small boy in uniform, who, under instructions from
the concierge, approached him as he slowly paced the
little court. It was the evening hour, but daylight
was long now and Paris more than ever penetrating.
The scent of flowers was in the streets, he had the
whiff of violets perpetually in his nose; and he had
attached himself to sounds and suggestions, vibrations
of the air, human and dramatic, he imagined, as they
were not in other places, that came out for him more
and more as the mild afternoons deepened a
far-off hum, a sharp near click on the asphalt, a
voice calling, replying, somewhere and as full of tone
as an actor’s in a play. He was to dine
at home, as usual, with Waymarsh they had
settled to that for thrift and simplicity; and he now
hung about before his friend came down.
He read his telegram in the court,
standing still a long time where he had opened it
and giving five minutes afterwards to the renewed study
of it. At last, quickly, he crumpled it up as
if to get it out of the way; in spite of which, however,
he kept it there still kept it when, at
the end of another turn, he had dropped into a chair
placed near a small table. Here, with his scrap
of paper compressed in his fist and further concealed
by his folding his arms tight, he sat for some time
in thought, gazed before him so straight that Waymarsh
appeared and approached him without catching his eye.
The latter in fact, struck with his appearance, looked
at him hard for a single instant and then, as if determined
to that course by some special vividness in it, dropped
back into the salon de lecture without addressing him.
But the pilgrim from Milrose permitted himself still
to observe the scene from behind the clear glass plate
of that retreat. Strether ended, as he sat,
by a fresh scrutiny of his compressed missive, which
he smoothed out carefully again as he placed it on
his table. There it remained for some minutes,
until, at last looking up, he saw Waymarsh watching
him from within. It was on this that their eyes
met met for a moment during which neither
moved. But Strether then got up, folding his
telegram more carefully and putting it into his waistcoat
pocket.
A few minutes later the friends were
seated together at dinner; but Strether had meanwhile
said nothing about it, and they eventually parted,
after coffee in the court, with nothing said on either
side. Our friend had moreover the consciousness
that even less than usual was on this occasion said
between them, so that it was almost as if each had
been waiting for something from the other. Waymarsh
had always more or less the air of sitting at the
door of his tent, and silence, after so many weeks,
had come to play its part in their concert. This
note indeed, to Strether’s sense, had lately
taken a fuller tone, and it was his fancy to-night
that they had never quite so drawn it out. Yet
it befell, none the less that he closed the door to
confidence when his companion finally asked him if
there were anything particular the matter with him.
“Nothing,” he replied, “more than
usual.”
On the morrow, however, at an early
hour, he found occasion to give an answer more in
consonance with the facts. What was the matter
had continued to be so all the previous evening, the
first hours of which, after dinner, in his room, he
had devoted to the copious composition of a letter.
He had quitted Waymarsh for this purpose, leaving
him to his own resources with less ceremony than their
wont, but finally coming down again with his letter
unconcluded and going forth into the streets without
enquiry for his comrade. He had taken a long
vague walk, and one o’clock had struck before
his return and his re-ascent to his room by the aid
of the glimmering candle-end left for him on the shelf
outside the porter’s lodge. He had possessed
himself, on closing his door, of the numerous loose
sheets of his unfinished composition, and then, without
reading them over, had torn them into small pieces.
He had thereupon slept as if it had been
in some measure thanks to that sacrifice the
sleep of the just, and had prolonged his rest considerably
beyond his custom. Thus it was that when, between
nine and ten, the tap of the knob of a walking-stick
sounded on his door, he had not yet made himself altogether
presentable. Chad Newsome’s bright deep
voice determined quickly enough none the less the admission
of the visitor. The little blue paper of the
evening before, plainly an object the more precious
for its escape from premature destruction, now lay
on the sill of the open window, smoothed out afresh
and kept from blowing away by the superincumbent weight
of his watch. Chad, looking about with careless
and competent criticism, as he looked wherever he
went immediately espied it and permitted himself to
fix it for a moment rather hard. After which
he turned his eyes to his host. “It has
come then at last?”
Strether paused in the act of pinning
his necktie. “Then you know ?
You’ve had one too?”
“No, I’ve had nothing,
and I only know what I see. I see that thing
and I guess. Well,” he added, “it
comes as pat as in a play, for I’ve precisely
turned up this morning as I would have done
yesterday, but it was impossible to take
you.”
“To take me?” Strether had turned again
to his glass.
“Back, at last, as I promised.
I’m ready I’ve really been
ready this month. I’ve only been waiting
for you as was perfectly right. But
you’re better now; you’re safe I
see that for myself; you’ve got all your good.
You’re looking, this morning, as fit as a flea.”
Strether, at his glass, finished dressing;
consulting that witness moreover on this last opinion.
Was he looking preternaturally fit? There
was something in it perhaps for Chad’s wonderful
eye, but he had felt himself for hours rather in pieces.
Such a judgement, however, was after all but a contribution
to his resolve; it testified unwittingly to his wisdom.
He was still firmer, apparently since it
shone in him as a light than he had flattered
himself. His firmness indeed was slightly compromised,
as he faced about to his friend, by the way this very
personage looked though the case would of
course have been worse hadn’t the secret of
personal magnificence been at every hour Chad’s
unfailing possession. There he was in all the
pleasant morning freshness of it strong
and sleek and gay, easy and fragrant and fathomless,
with happy health in his colour, and pleasant silver
in his thick young hair, and the right word for everything
on the lips that his clear brownness caused to show
as red. He had never struck Strether as personally
such a success; it was as if now, for his definite
surrender, he had gathered himself vividly together.
This, sharply and rather strangely, was the form
in which he was to be presented to Woollett.
Our friend took him in again he was always
taking him in and yet finding that parts of him still
remained out; though even thus his image showed through
a mist of other things. “I’ve had
a cable,” Strether said, “from your mother.”
“I dare say, my dear man. I hope she’s
well.”
Strether hesitated. “No she’s
not well, I’m sorry to have to tell you.”
“Ah,” said Chad, “I
must have had the instinct of it. All the more
reason then that we should start straight off.”
Strether had now got together hat,
gloves and stick, but Chad had dropped on the sofa
as if to show where he wished to make his point.
He kept observing his companion’s things; he
might have been judging how quickly they could be
packed. He might even have wished to hint that
he’d send his own servant to assist. “What
do you mean,” Strether enquired, “by ’straight
off’?”
“Oh by one of next week’s
boats. Everything at this season goes out so
light that berths will be easy anywhere.”
Strether had in his hand his telegram,
which he had kept there after attaching his watch,
and he now offered it to Chad, who, however, with
an odd movement, declined to take it. “Thanks,
I’d rather not. Your correspondence with
Mother’s your own affair. I’m only
with you both on it, whatever it is.”
Strether, at this, while their eyes met, slowly folded
the missive and put it in his pocket; after which,
before he had spoken again, Chad broke fresh ground.
“Has Miss Gostrey come back?”
But when Strether presently spoke
it wasn’t in answer. “It’s
not, I gather, that your mother’s physically
ill; her health, on the whole, this spring, seems
to have been better than usual. But she’s
worried, she’s anxious, and it appears to have
risen within the last few days to a climax.
We’ve tired out, between us, her patience.”
“Oh it isn’t you!” Chad generously
protested.
“I beg your pardon it
is me.” Strether was mild and melancholy,
but firm. He saw it far away and over his companion’s
head. “It’s very particularly me.”
“Well then all the more reason.
Marchons, marchons!” said the young man gaily.
His host, however, at this, but continued to stand
agaze; and he had the next thing repeated his question
of a moment before. “Has Miss Gostrey come
back?”
“Yes, two days ago.”
“Then you’ve seen her?”
“No I’m to
see her to-day.” But Strether wouldn’t
linger now on Miss Gostrey. “Your mother
sends me an ultimatum. If I can’t bring
you I’m to leave you; I’m to come at any
rate myself.”
“Ah but you can bring me
now,” Chad, from his sofa, reassuringly replied.
Strether had a pause. “I
don’t think I understand you. Why was it
that, more than a month ago, you put it to me so urgently
to let Madame de Vionnet speak for you?”
“‘Why’?”
Chad considered, but he had it at his fingers’
ends. “Why but because I knew how well
she’d do it? It was the way to keep you
quiet and, to that extent, do you good. Besides,”
he happily and comfortably explained, “I wanted
you really to know her and to get the impression of
her and you see the good that has done
you.”
“Well,” said Strether,
“the way she has spoken for you, all the same so
far as I’ve given her a chance has
only made me feel how much she wishes to keep you.
If you make nothing of that I don’t see why
you wanted me to listen to her.”
“Why my dear man,” Chad
exclaimed, “I make everything of it! How
can you doubt ?”
“I doubt only because you come
to me this morning with your signal to start.”
Chad stared, then gave a laugh.
“And isn’t my signal to start just what
you’ve been waiting for?”
Strether debated; he took another
turn. “This last month I’ve been
awaiting, I think, more than anything else, the message
I have here.”
“You mean you’ve been afraid of it?”
“Well, I was doing my business
in my own way. And I suppose your present announcement,”
Strether went on, “isn’t merely the result
of your sense of what I’ve expected. Otherwise
you wouldn’t have put me in relation ”
But he paused, pulling up.
At this Chad rose. “Ah
her wanting me not to go has nothing to do with
it! It’s only because she’s afraid afraid
of the way that, over there, I may get caught.
But her fear’s groundless.”
He had met again his companion’s
sufficiently searching look. “Are you
tired of her?”
Chad gave him in reply to this, with
a movement of the head, the strangest slow smile he
had ever had from him. “Never.”
It had immediately, on Strether’s
imagination, so deep and soft an effect that our friend
could only for the moment keep it before him.
“Never?”
“Never,” Chad obligingly and serenely
repeated.
It made his companion take several
more steps. “Then you’re not
afraid.”
“Afraid to go?”
Strether pulled up again. “Afraid to stay.”
The young man looked brightly amazed. “You
want me now to ’stay’?”
“If I don’t immediately
sail the Pococks will immediately come out. That’s
what I mean,” said Strether, “by your mother’s
ultimatum .”
Chad showed a still livelier, but
not an alarmed interest. “She has turned
on Sarah and Jim?”
Strether joined him for an instant
in the vision. “Oh and you may be sure
Mamie. That’s whom she’s turning
on.”
This also Chad saw he laughed
out. “Mamie to corrupt me?”
“Ah,” said Strether, “she’s
very charming.”
“So you’ve already more than once told
me. I should like to see her.”
Something happy and easy, something
above all unconscious, in the way he said this, brought
home again to his companion the facility of his attitude
and the enviability of his state. “See
her then by all means. And consider too,”
Strether went on, “that you really give your
sister a lift in letting her come to you. You
give her a couple of months of Paris, which she hasn’t
seen, if I’m not mistaken, since just after she
was married, and which I’m sure she wants but
the pretext to visit.”
Chad listened, but with all his own
knowledge of the world. “She has had it,
the pretext, these several years, yet she has never
taken it.”
“Do you mean you?” Strether after
an instant enquired.
“Certainly the lone exile.
And whom do you mean?” said Chad.
“Oh I mean me. I’m
her pretext. That is for it comes
to the same thing I’m your mother’s.”
“Then why,” Chad asked, “doesn’t
Mother come herself?”
His friend gave him a long look.
“Should you like her to?” And as he
for the moment said nothing: “It’s
perfectly open to you to cable for her.”
Chad continued to think. “Will she come
if I do?”
“Quite possibly. But try, and you’ll
see.”
“Why don’t you try?” Chad after
a moment asked.
“Because I don’t want to.”
Chad thought. “Don’t desire her
presence here?”
Strether faced the question, and his
answer was the more emphatic. “Don’t
put it off, my dear boy, on me!”
“Well I see what
you mean. I’m sure you’d behave beautifully
but you don’t want to see her. So
I won’t play you that trick.’
“Ah,” Strether declared,
“I shouldn’t call it a trick. You’ve
a perfect right, and it would be perfectly straight
of you.” Then he added in a different
tone: “You’d have moreover, in the
person of Madame de Vionnet, a very interesting relation
prepared for her.”
Their eyes, on this proposition, continued
to meet, but Chad’s pleasant and bold, never
flinched for a moment. He got up at last and
he said something with which Strether was struck.
“She wouldn’t understand her, but that
makes no difference. Madame de Vionnet would
like to see her. She’d like to be charming
to her. She believes she could work it.”
Strether thought a moment, affected
by this, but finally turning away. “She
couldn’t!”
“You’re quite sure?” Chad asked.
“Well, risk it if you like!”
Strether, who uttered this with serenity,
had urged a plea for their now getting into the air;
but the young man still waited. “Have you
sent your answer?”
“No, I’ve done nothing yet.”
“Were you waiting to see me?”
“No, not that.”
“Only waiting” and
Chad, with this, had a smile for him “to
see Miss Gostrey?”
“No not even Miss
Gostrey. I wasn’t waiting to see any one.
I had only waited, till now, to make up my mind in
complete solitude; and, since I of course absolutely
owe you the information, was on the point of going
out with it quite made up. Have therefore a little
more patience with me. Remember,” Strether
went on, “that that’s what you originally
asked me to have. I’ve had it, you
see, and you see what has come of it. Stay on
with me.”
Chad looked grave. “How much longer?”
“Well, till I make you a sign.
I can’t myself, you know, at the best, or at
the worst, stay for ever. Let the Pococks come,”
Strether repeated.
“Because it gains you time?”
“Yes it gains me time.”
Chad, as if it still puzzled him,
waited a minute. “You don’t want
to get back to Mother?”
“Not just yet. I’m not ready.”
“You feel,” Chad asked
in a tone of his own, “the charm of life over
here?”
“Immensely.” Strether
faced it. “You’ve helped me so to
feel it that that surely needn’t surprise you.”
“No, it doesn’t surprise
me, and I’m delighted. But what, my dear
man,” Chad went on with conscious queerness,
“does it all lead to for you?”
The change of position and of relation,
for each, was so oddly betrayed in the question that
Chad laughed out as soon as he had uttered it which
made Strether also laugh. “Well, to my
having a certitude that has been tested that
has passed through the fire. But oh,” he
couldn’t help breaking out, “if within
my first month here you had been willing to move with
me !”
“Well?” said Chad, while
he broke down as for weight of thought.
“Well, we should have been over there by now.”
“Ah but you wouldn’t have had your fun!”
“I should have had a month of
it; and I’m having now, if you want to know,”
Strether continued, “enough to last me for the
rest of my days.”
Chad looked amused and interested,
yet still somewhat in the dark; partly perhaps because
Strether’s estimate of fun had required of him
from the first a good deal of elucidation. “It
wouldn’t do if I left you ?”
“Left me?” Strether remained
blank.
“Only for a month or two time
to go and come. Madame de Vionnet,” Chad
smiled, “would look after you in the interval.”
“To go back by yourself, I remaining
here?” Again for an instant their eyes had
the question out; after which Strether said: “Grotesque!”
“But I want to see Mother,”
Chad presently returned. “Remember how
long it is since I’ve seen Mother.”
“Long indeed; and that’s
exactly why I was originally so keen for moving you.
Hadn’t you shown us enough how beautifully you
could do without it?”
“Oh but,” said Chad wonderfully, “I’m
better now.”
There was an easy triumph in it that
made his friend laugh out again. “Oh if
you were worse I should know what to do with you.
In that case I believe I’d have you gagged
and strapped down, carried on board resisting, kicking.
How much,” Strether asked, “do you
want to see Mother?”
“How much?” Chad
seemed to find it in fact difficult to say.
“How much.”
“Why as much as you’ve
made me. I’d give anything to see her.
And you’ve left me,” Chad went on, “in
little enough doubt as to how much she wants
it.”
Strether thought a minute. “Well
then if those things are really your motive catch
the French steamer and sail to-morrow. Of course,
when it comes to that, you’re absolutely free
to do as you choose. From the moment you can’t
hold yourself I can only accept your flight.”
“I’ll fly in a minute
then,” said Chad, “if you’ll stay
here.”
“I’ll stay here till the
next steamer then I’ll follow you.”
“And do you call that,”
Chad asked, “accepting my flight?”
“Certainly it’s
the only thing to call it. The only way to keep
me here, accordingly,” Strether explained, “is
by staying yourself.”
Chad took it in. “All
the more that I’ve really dished you, eh?”
“Dished me?” Strether
echoed as inexpressively as possible.
“Why if she sends out the Pococks
it will be that she doesn’t trust you, and if
she doesn’t trust you, that bears upon well,
you know what.”
Strether decided after a moment that
he did know what, and in consonance with this he spoke.
“You see then all the more what you owe me.”
“Well, if I do see, how can I pay?”
“By not deserting me. By standing by me.”
“Oh I say !” But
Chad, as they went downstairs, clapped a firm hand,
in the manner of a pledge, upon his shoulder.
They descended slowly together and had, in the court
of the hotel, some further talk, of which the upshot
was that they presently separated. Chad Newsome
departed, and Strether, left alone, looked about, superficially,
for Waymarsh. But Waymarsh hadn’t yet,
it appeared, come down, and our friend finally went
forth without sight of him.
III-
At four o’clock that afternoon
he had still not seen him, but he was then, as to
make up for this, engaged in talk about him with Miss
Gostrey. Strether had kept away from home all
day, given himself up to the town and to his thoughts,
wandered and mused, been at once restless and absorbed and
all with the present climax of a rich little welcome
in the Quartier Marboeuf. “Waymarsh
has been, ‘unbeknown’ to me, I’m
convinced” for Miss Gostrey had enquired “in
communication with Woollett: the consequence
of which was, last night, the loudest possible call
for me.”
“Do you mean a letter to bring you home?”
“No a cable, which
I have at this moment in my pocket: a ’Come
back by the first ship.’”
Strether’s hostess, it might
have been made out, just escaped changing colour.
Reflexion arrived but in time and established a provisional
serenity. It was perhaps exactly this that enabled
her to say with duplicity: “And you’re
going ?”
“You almost deserve it when you abandon me so.”
She shook her head as if this were
not worth taking up. “My absence has helped
you as I’ve only to look at you to
see. It was my calculation, and I’m justified.
You’re not where you were. And the thing,”
she smiled, “was for me not to be there either.
You can go of yourself.”
“Oh but I feel to-day,”
he comfortably declared, “that I shall want you
yet.”
She took him all in again. “Well,
I promise you not again to leave you, but it will
only be to follow you. You’ve got your
momentum and can toddle alone.”
He intelligently accepted it.
“Yes I suppose I can toddle.
It’s the sight of that in fact that has upset
Waymarsh. He can bear it the way
I strike him as going no longer. That’s
only the climax of his original feeling. He
wants me to quit; and he must have written to Woollett
that I’m in peril of perdition.”
“Ah good!” she murmured.
“But is it only your supposition?”
“I make it out it explains.”
“Then he denies? or you haven’t
asked him?”
“I’ve not had time,”
Strether said; “I made it out but last night,
putting various things together, and I’ve not
been since then face to face with him.”
She wondered. “Because
you’re too disgusted? You can’t trust
yourself?”
He settled his glasses on his nose.
“Do I look in a great rage?”
“You look divine!”
“There’s nothing,”
he went on, “to be angry about. He has
done me on the contrary a service.”
She made it out. “By bringing things to
a head?”
“How well you understand!”
he almost groaned. “Waymarsh won’t
in the least, at any rate, when I have it out with
him, deny or extenuate. He has acted from the
deepest conviction, with the best conscience and after
wakeful nights. He’ll recognise that he’s
fully responsible, and will consider that he has been
highly successful; so that any discussion we may have
will bring us quite together again bridge
the dark stream that has kept us so thoroughly apart.
We shall have at last, in the consequences of his
act, something we can definitely talk about.”
She was silent a little. “How
wonderfully you take it! But you’re always
wonderful.”
He had a pause that matched her own;
then he had, with an adequate spirit, a complete admission.
“It’s quite true. I’m extremely
wonderful just now. I dare say in fact I’m
quite fantastic, and I shouldn’t be at all surprised
if I were mad.”
“Then tell me!” she earnestly
pressed. As he, however, for the time answered
nothing, only returning the look with which she watched
him, she presented herself where it was easier to
meet her. “What will Mr. Waymarsh exactly
have done?”
“Simply have written a letter.
One will have been quite enough. He has told
them I want looking after.”
“And do you?” she was
all interest.
“Immensely. And I shall get it.”
“By which you mean you don’t budge?”
“I don’t budge.”
“You’ve cabled?”
“No I’ve made Chad do it.”
“That you decline to come?”
“That he declines.
We had it out this morning and I brought him round.
He had come in, before I was down, to tell me he was
ready ready, I mean, to return. And
he went off, after ten minutes with me, to say he
wouldn’t.”
Miss Gostrey followed with intensity. “Then
you’ve stopped him?”
Strether settled himself afresh in
his chair. “I’ve stopped him.
That is for the time. That” he
gave it to her more vividly “is where
I am.”
“I see, I see. But where’s
Mr. Newsome? He was ready,” she asked,
“to go?”
“All ready.”
“And sincerely believing you’d
be?”
“Perfectly, I think; so that
he was amazed to find the hand I had laid on him to
pull him over suddenly converted into an engine for
keeping him still.”
It was an account of the matter Miss
Gostrey could weigh. “Does he think the
conversion sudden?”
“Well,” said Strether,
“I’m not altogether sure what he thinks.
I’m not sure of anything that concerns him,
except that the more I’ve seen of him the less
I’ve found him what I originally expected.
He’s obscure, and that’s why I’m
waiting.”
She wondered. “But for what in particular?”
“For the answer to his cable.”
“And what was his cable?”
“I don’t know,”
Strether replied; “it was to be, when he left
me, according to his own taste. I simply said
to him: ’I want to stay, and the only way
for me to do so is for you to.’ That I wanted
to stay seemed to interest him, and he acted on that.”
Miss Gostrey turned it over. “He wants
then himself to stay.”
“He half wants it. That
is he half wants to go. My original appeal has
to that extent worked in him. Nevertheless,”
Strether pursued, “he won’t go.
Not, at least, so long as I’m here.”
“But you can’t,”
his companion suggested, “stay here always.
I wish you could.”
“By no means. Still, I
want to see him a little further. He’s
not in the least the case I supposed, he’s quite
another case. And it’s as such that he
interests me.” It was almost as if for
his own intelligence that, deliberate and lucid, our
friend thus expressed the matter. “I don’t
want to give him up.”
Miss Gostrey but desired to help his
lucidity. She had however to be light and tactful.
“Up, you mean a to his
mother?”
“Well, I’m not thinking
of his mother now. I’m thinking of the
plan of which I was the mouthpiece, which, as soon
as we met, I put before him as persuasively as I knew
how, and which was drawn up, as it were, in complete
ignorance of all that, in this last long period, has
been happening to him. It took no account whatever
of the impression I was here on the spot immediately
to begin to receive from him impressions
of which I feel sure I’m far from having had
the last.”
Miss Gostrey had a smile of the most
genial criticism. “So your idea is more
or less to stay out of curiosity?”
“Call it what you like! I don’t care
what it’s called ”
“So long as you do stay?
Certainly not then. I call it, all the same,
immense fun,” Maria Gostrey declared; “and
to see you work it out will be one of the sensations
of my life. It is clear you can toddle alone!”
He received this tribute without elation.
“I shan’t be alone when the Pococks have
come.”
Her eyebrows went up. “The Pococks are
coming?”
“That, I mean, is what will
happen and happen as quickly as possible in
consequence of Chad’s cable. They’ll
simply embark. Sarah will come to speak for her
mother with an effect different from my
muddle.”
Miss Gostrey more gravely wondered.
“She then will take him back?”
“Very possibly and
we shall see. She must at any rate have the
chance, and she may be trusted to do all she can.”
“And do you want that?”
“Of course,” said Strether, “I want
it. I want to play fair.”
But she had lost for a moment the
thread. “If it devolves on the Pococks
why do you stay?”
“Just to see that I do
play fair and a little also, no doubt, that
they do.” Strether was luminous as he had
never been. “I came out to find myself
in presence of new facts facts that have
kept striking me as less and less met by our old reasons.
The matter’s perfectly simple. New reasons reasons
as new as the facts themselves are wanted;
and of this our friends at Woollett Chad’s
and mine were at the earliest moment definitely
notified. If any are producible Mrs. Pocock
will produce them; she’ll bring over the whole
collection. They’ll be,” he added
with a pensive smile “a part of the ‘fun’
you speak of.”
She was quite in the current now and
floating by his side. “It’s Mamie so
far as I’ve had it from you who’ll
be their great card.” And then as his contemplative
silence wasn’t a denial she significantly added:
“I think I’m sorry for her.”
“I think I am!” and
Strether sprang up, moving about a little as her eyes
followed him. “But it can’t be helped.”
“You mean her coming out can’t be?”
He explained after another turn what
he meant. “The only way for her not to
come is for me to go home as I believe that
on the spot I could prevent it. But the difficulty
as to that is that if I do go home ”
“I see, I see” she
had easily understood. “Mr. Newsome will
do the same, and that’s not” she
laughed out now “to be thought of.”
Strether had no laugh; he had only
a quiet comparatively placid look that might have
shown him as proof against ridicule. “Strange,
isn’t it?”
They had, in the matter that so much
interested them, come so far as this without sounding
another name to which however their present
momentary silence was full of a conscious reference.
Strether’s question was a sufficient implication
of the weight it had gained with him during the absence
of his hostess; and just for that reason a single
gesture from her could pass for him as a vivid answer.
Yet he was answered still better when she said in
a moment: “Will Mr. Newsome introduce his
sister ?”
“To Madame de Vionnet?”
Strether spoke the name at last. “I shall
be greatly surprised if he doesn’t.”
She seemed to gaze at the possibility.
“You mean you’ve thought of it and you’re
prepared.”
“I’ve thought of it and I’m prepared.”
It was to her visitor now that she
applied her consideration. “Bon!
You are magnificent!”
“Well,” he answered after
a pause and a little wearily, but still standing there
before her “well, that’s what,
just once in all my dull days, I think I shall like
to have been!”
Two days later he had news from Chad
of a communication from Woollett in response to their
determinant telegram, this missive being addressed
to Chad himself and announcing the immediate departure
for France of Sarah and Jim and Mamie. Strether
had meanwhile on his own side cabled; he had but delayed
that act till after his visit to Miss Gostrey, an
interview by which, as so often before, he felt his
sense of things cleared up and settled. His
message to Mrs. Newsome, in answer to her own, had
consisted of the words: “Judge best to take
another month, but with full appreciation of all re-enforcements.”
He had added that he was writing, but he was of course
always writing; it was a practice that continued,
oddly enough, to relieve him, to make him come nearer
than anything else to the consciousness of doing something:
so that he often wondered if he hadn’t really,
under his recent stress, acquired some hollow trick,
one of the specious arts of make-believe. Wouldn’t
the pages he still so freely dispatched by the American
post have been worthy of a showy journalist, some master
of the great new science of beating the sense out
of words? Wasn’t he writing against time,
and mainly to show he was kind? since it
had become quite his habit not to like to read himself
over. On those lines he could still be liberal,
yet it was at best a sort of whistling in the dark.
It was unmistakeable moreover that the sense of being
in the dark now pressed on him more sharply creating
thereby the need for a louder and livelier whistle.
He whistled long and hard after sending his message;
he whistled again and again in celebration of Chad’s
news; there was an interval of a fortnight in which
this exercise helped him. He had no great notion
of what, on the spot, Sarah Pocock would have to say,
though he had indeed confused premonitions; but it
shouldn’t be in her power to say it
shouldn’t be in any one’s anywhere to say that
he was neglecting her mother. He might have
written before more freely, but he had never written
more copiously; and he frankly gave for a reason at
Woollett that he wished to fill the void created there
by Sarah’s departure.
The increase of his darkness, however,
and the quickening, as I have called it, of his tune,
resided in the fact that he was hearing almost nothing.
He had for some time been aware that he was hearing
less than before, and he was now clearly following
a process by which Mrs. Newsome’s letters could
but logically stop. He hadn’t had a line
for many days, and he needed no proof though
he was, in time, to have plenty that she
wouldn’t have put pen to paper after receiving
the hint that had determined her telegram. She
wouldn’t write till Sarah should have seen him
and reported on him. It was strange, though it
might well be less so than his own behaviour appeared
at Woollett. It was at any rate significant,
and what was remarkable was the way his friend’s
nature and manner put on for him, through this very
drop of demonstration, a greater intensity.
It struck him really that he had never so lived with
her as during this period of her silence; the silence
was a sacred hush, a finer clearer medium, in which
her idiosyncrasies showed. He walked about with
her, sat with her, drove with her and dined face-to-face
with her a rare treat “in his life,”
as he could perhaps have scarce escaped phrasing it;
and if he had never seen her so soundless he had never,
on the other hand, felt her so highly, so almost austerely,
herself: pure and by the vulgar estimate “cold,”
but deep devoted delicate sensitive noble. Her
vividness in these respects became for him, in the
special conditions, almost an obsession; and though
the obsession sharpened his pulses, adding really
to the excitement of life, there were hours at which,
to be less on the stretch, he directly sought forgetfulness.
He knew it for the queerest of adventures a
circumstance capable of playing such a part only for
Lambert Strether that in Paris itself, of
all places, he should find this ghost of the lady
of Woollett more importunate than any other presence.
When he went back to Maria Gostrey
it was for the change to something else. And
yet after all the change scarcely operated for he talked
to her of Mrs. Newsome in these days as he had never
talked before. He had hitherto observed in that
particular a discretion and a law; considerations
that at present broke down quite as if relations had
altered. They hadn’t really altered,
he said to himself, so much as that came to; for if
what had occurred was of course that Mrs. Newsome
had ceased to trust him, there was nothing on the other
hand to prove that he shouldn’t win back her
confidence. It was quite his present theory
that he would leave no stone unturned to do so; and
in fact if he now told Maria things about her that
he had never told before this was largely because
it kept before him the idea of the honour of such a
woman’s esteem. His relation with Maria
as well was, strangely enough, no longer quite the
same; this truth though not too disconcertingly had
come up between them on the renewal of their meetings.
It was all contained in what she had then almost immediately
said to him; it was represented by the remark she had
needed but ten minutes to make and that he hadn’t
been disposed to gainsay. He could toddle alone,
and the difference that showed was extraordinary.
The turn taken by their talk had promptly confirmed
this difference; his larger confidence on the score
of Mrs. Newsome did the rest; and the time seemed
already far off when he had held out his small thirsty
cup to the spout of her pail. Her pail was scarce
touched now, and other fountains had flowed for him;
she fell into her place as but one of his tributaries;
and there was a strange sweetness a melancholy
mildness that touched him in her acceptance
of the altered order.
It marked for himself the flight of
time, or at any rate what he was pleased to think
of with irony and pity as the rush of experience; it
having been but the day before yesterday that he sat
at her feet and held on by her garment and was fed
by her hand. It was the proportions that were
changed, and the proportions were at all times, he
philosophised, the very conditions of perception, the
terms of thought. It was as if, with her effective
little entresol and and her wide acquaintance, her
activities, varieties, promiscuities, the duties and
devotions that took up nine tenths of her time and
of which he got, guardedly, but the side-wind it
was as if she had shrunk to a secondary element and
had consented to the shrinkage with the perfection
of tact. This perfection had never failed her;
it had originally been greater than his prime measure
for it; it had kept him quite apart, kept him out
of the shop, as she called her huge general acquaintance,
made their commerce as quiet, as much a thing of the
home alone the opposite of the shop as
if she had never another customer. She had been
wonderful to him at first, with the memory of her little
entresol, the image to which, on most mornings at that
time, his eyes directly opened; but now she mainly
figured for him as but part of the bristling total though
of course always as a person to whom he should never
cease to be indebted. It would never be given
to him certainly to inspire a greater kindness.
She had decked him out for others, and he saw at
this point at least nothing she would ever ask for.
She only wondered and questioned and listened, rendering
him the homage of a wistful speculation. She
expressed it repeatedly; he was already far beyond
her, and she must prepare herself to lose him.
There was but one little chance for her.
Often as she had said it he met it for
it was a touch he liked each time the same
way. “My coming to grief?”
“Yes then I might patch you up.”
“Oh for my real smash, if it takes place, there
will be no patching.”
“But you surely don’t mean it will kill
you.”
“No worse. It will make me
old.”
“Ah nothing can do that!
The wonderful and special thing about you is that
you are, at this time of day, youth.”
Then she always made, further, one of those remarks
that she had completely ceased to adorn with hesitations
or apologies, and that had, by the same token, in
spite of their extreme straightness, ceased to produce
in Strether the least embarrassment. She made
him believe them, and they became thereby as impersonal
as truth itself. “It’s just your
particular charm.”
His answer too was always the same.
“Of course I’m youth youth
for the trip to Europe. I began to be young,
or at least to get the benefit of it, the moment I
met you at Chester, and that’s what has been
taking place ever since. I never had the benefit
at the proper time which comes to saying
that I never had the thing itself. I’m
having the benefit at this moment; I had it the other
day when I said to Chad ‘Wait’; I shall
have it still again when Sarah Pocock arrives.
It’s a benefit that would make a poor show for
many people; and I don’t know who else but you
and I, frankly, could begin to see in it what I feel.
I don’t get drunk; I don’t pursue the
ladies; I don’t spend money; I don’t even
write sonnets. But nevertheless I’m making
up late for what I didn’t have early.
I cultivate my little benefit in my own little way.
It amuses me more than anything that has happened
to me in all my life. They may say what they
like it’s my surrender, it’s
my tribute, to youth. One puts that in where
one can it has to come in somewhere, if
only out of the lives, the conditions, the feelings
of other persons. Chad gives me the sense of
it, for all his grey hairs, which merely make it solid
in him and safe and serene; and she does the
same, for all her being older than he, for all her
marriageable daughter, her separated husband, her
agitated history. Though they’re young
enough, my pair, I don’t say they’re, in
the freshest way, their own absolutely prime adolescence;
for that has nothing to do with it. The point
is that they’re mine. Yes, they’re
my youth; since somehow at the right time nothing
else ever was. What I meant just now therefore
is that it would all go go before doing
its work if they were to fail me.”
On which, just here, Miss Gostrey
inveterately questioned. “What do you,
in particular, call its work?”
“Well, to see me through.”
“But through what?” she liked
to get it all out of him.
“Why through this experience.” That
was all that would come.
It regularly gave her none the less
the last word. “Don’t you remember
how in those first days of our meeting it was I who
was to see you through?”
“Remember? Tenderly, deeply” he
always rose to it. “You’re just
doing your part in letting me maunder to you thus.”
“Ah don’t speak as if
my part were small; since whatever else fails you ”
“You won’t, ever,
ever, ever?” he thus took her up.
“Oh I beg your pardon; you necessarily, you
inevitably will. Your conditions that’s
what I mean won’t allow me anything
to do for you.”
“Let alone I see
what you mean that I’m drearily dreadfully
old. I am, but there’s a service possible
for you to render that I know, all the
same, I shall think of.”
“And what will it be?”
This, in fine, however, she would
never tell him. “You shall hear only if
your smash takes place. As that’s really
out of the question, I won’t expose myself” a
point at which, for reasons of his own, Strether ceased
to press.
He came round, for publicity it
was the easiest thing to the idea that
his smash was out of the question, and this rendered
idle the discussion of what might follow it.
He attached an added importance, as the days elapsed,
to the arrival of the Pococks; he had even a shameful
sense of waiting for it insincerely and incorrectly.
He accused himself of making believe to his own mind
that Sarah’s presence, her impression, her judgement
would simplify and harmonise, he accused himself of
being so afraid of what they might do that he
sought refuge, to beg the whole question, in a vain
fury. He had abundantly seen at home what they
were in the habit of doing, and he had not at present
the smallest ground. His clearest vision was
when he made out that what he most desired was an
account more full and free of Mrs. Newsome’s
state of mind than any he felt he could now expect
from herself; that calculation at least went hand in
hand with the sharp consciousness of wishing to prove
to himself that he was not afraid to look his behaviour
in the face. If he was by an inexorable logic
to pay for it he was literally impatient to know the
cost, and he held himself ready to pay in instalments.
The first instalment would be precisely this entertainment
of Sarah; as a consequence of which moreover, he should
know vastly better how he stood.