When Elias Goldenberg, Belcovitch’s
head cutter, betrothed himself to Fanny Fersht, the
prettiest of the machinists, the Ghetto blessed the
match, always excepting Sugarman the Shadchan
(whom love matches shocked), and Goldenberg’s
relatives (who considered Fanny flighty and fond of
finery).
‘That Fanny of yours was cut
out for a rich man’s wife,’ insisted Goldenberg’s
aunt, shaking her pious wig.
‘He who marries Fanny is rich,’
retorted Elias.
‘"Pawn your hide, but get a bride,"’ quoted
the old lady savagely.
As for the slighted marriage-broker,
he remonstrated almost like a relative.
‘But I didn’t want a negotiated marriage,’
Elias protested.
‘A love marriage I could also
have arranged for you,’ replied Sugarman indignantly.
But Elias was quite content with his
own arrangement, for Fanny’s glance was melting
and her touch transporting. To deck that soft
warm hand with an engagement-ring, a month’s
wages had not seemed disproportionate, and Fanny flashed
the diamond bewitchingly. It lit up the gloomy
workshop with its signal of felicity. Even Belcovitch,
bent over his press-iron, sometimes omitted to rebuke
Fanny’s badinage.
The course of true love seemed to
run straight to the Canopy—Fanny had already
worked the bridegroom’s praying shawl—when
suddenly a storm broke. At first the cloud was
no bigger than a man’s hand—in fact,
it was a man’s hand. Elias espied it groping
for Fanny’s in the dim space between the two
machines. As Fanny’s fingers fluttered
towards it, her other hand still guiding the cloth
under the throbbing needle, Elias felt the needle
stabbing his heart up and down, through and through.
The very finger that held his costly ring lay in this
alien paw gratis.
The shameless minx! Ah, his relatives
were right. He snapped the scissors savagely
like a dragon’s jaw.
‘Fanny, what dost thou?’ he gasped in
Yiddish.
Fanny’s face flamed; her guilty fingers flew
back.
‘I thought thou wast on the other side,’
she breathed.
Elias snorted incredulously.
As soon as Sugarman heard of the breaking
of the engagement he flew to Elias, his blue bandanna
streaming from his coat-tail.
‘If you had come to me,’
he crowed, ’I should have found you a more reliable
article. However, Heaven has given you a second
helping. A well-built wage-earner like you can
look as high as a greengrocer’s daughter even.’
‘I never wish to look upon a woman again,’
Elias groaned.
‘Schtuss!’ said
the great marriage-broker. ’Three days after
the Fast of Atonement comes the Feast of Tabernacles.
The Almighty, blessed be He, who created both light
and darkness, has made obedient females as well as
pleasure-seeking jades.’ And he blew his
nose emphatically into his bandanna.
‘Yes; but she won’t return me my ring,’
Elias lamented.
‘What!’ Sugarman gasped.
’Then she considers herself still engaged to
you.’
‘Not at all. She laughs in my face.’
‘And she has given you back your promise?’
‘My promise—yes. The ring—no.’
‘But on what ground?’
‘She says I gave it to her.’
Sugarman clucked his tongue.
’Tututu! Better if we had followed our
old custom, and the man had worn the engagement-ring,
not the woman!’
‘In the workshop,’ Elias
went on miserably, ’she flashes it in my eyes.
Everybody makes mock. Oh, the Jezebel!’
‘I should summons her!’
‘It would only cost me more. Is it not
true I gave her the ring?’
Sugarman mopped his brow. His
vast experience was at fault. No maiden had ever
refused to return his client’s ring; rather had
she flung it in the wooer’s false teeth.
‘This comes of your love matches!’
he cried sternly. ’Next time there must
be a proper contract.’
‘Next time!’ repeated
Elias. ’Why how am I to afford a new ring?
Fanny was ruinous in cups of chocolate and the pit
of the Pavilion Theatre!’
‘I should want my fee down!’ said Sugarman
sharply.
Elias shrugged his shoulders. ‘If you bring
me the ring.’
‘I do not get old rings but
new maidens,’ Sugarman reminded him haughtily.
‘However, as you are a customer—’
and crying ’Five per cent. on the greengrocer’s
daughter,’ he hurried away ere Elias had time
to dissent from the bargain.
Donning his sealskin vest to overawe
the Fershts, Sugarman ploughed his way up the dark
staircase to their room. His attire was wasted
on the family, for Fanny herself opened the door.
‘Peace to you,’ he cried.
‘I have come on behalf of Elias Goldenberg.’
‘It is useless. I will
not have him.’ And she was shutting the
door. Her misconception, wilful or not, scattered
all Sugarman’s prepared diplomacies. ‘He
does not want you, he wants the ring,’ he cried
hastily.
Fanny indecorously put a finger to
her nose. The diamond glittered mockingly on
it. Then she turned away giggling. ’But
look at this photograph!’ panted Sugarman desperately
through the closing door.
Surprise and curiosity brought her
eyes back. She stared at the sheepish features
of a frock-coated stranger.
‘Four pounds a week all the
year round, head cutter at S. Cohn’s,’
said Sugarman, pursuing this advantage. ’A
good old English family; Benjamin Beckenstein is his
name, and he is dying to step into Elias’s shoes.’
‘His feet are too large!’
And she flicked the photograph floorwards with her
bediamonded finger.
‘But why waste the engagement-ring?’
pleaded Sugarman, stooping to pick up the suitor.
‘What an idea! A new man,
a new ring!’ And Fanny slammed the door.
‘Impudence-face! Would
you become a jewellery shop?’ the baffled Shadchan
shrieked through the woodwork.
He returned to Elias, brooding darkly.
‘Well?’ queried Elias.
‘O, your love matches!’
And Sugarman shook them away with shuddersome palms.
‘Then she won’t—’
’No, she won’t. Ah,
how blessed you are to escape from that daughter of
Satan! The greengrocer’s daughter now—’
‘Speak me no more matches. I risk no more
rings.’
‘I will get you one on the hire system.’
‘A maiden?’
‘Guard your tongue! A ring, of course.’
Elias shook an obdurate head. ‘No.
I must have the old ring back.’
’That is impossible—unless
you marry her to get it back. Stay! Why
should I not arrange that for you?’
‘Leave me in peace! Heaven has opened my
eyes.’
‘Then see how economical she
is!’ urged Sugarman. ’A maiden who
sticks to a ring like that is not likely to be wasteful
of your substance.’
‘You have not seen her swallow
“stuffed monkeys,"’ said Elias grimly.
‘Make an end! I have done with her.’
‘No, you have not! You
can still give yourself a counsel.’ And
Sugarman looked a conscious sphinx. ‘You
may yet get back the ring.’
‘How?’
‘Of course, I have the next disposal of it?’
said Sugarman.
‘Yes, yes. Go on.’
’To-morrow in the workshop pretend
to steal loving glances all day long when she’s
not looking. When she catches you—’
‘But she won’t be looking!’
‘Oh, yes, she will. When she catches you,
you must blush.’
‘But I can’t blush at will,’ Elias
protested.
‘I know it is hard. Well, look foolish.
That will be easier for you.’
‘But why shall I look foolish?’
‘To make her think you are in love with her
after all.’
‘I should look foolish if I were.’
’Precisely. That is the
idea. When she leaves the workshop in the evening
follow her, and as she passes the cake-shop, sigh and
ask her if she will not eat a “stuffed monkey”
for the sake of peace-be-upon-him times.’
‘But she won’t.’
‘Why not? She is still in love.’
‘With stuffed monkeys,’ said Elias cynically.
‘With you, too.’
Elias blushed quite easily. ‘How do you
know?’
‘I offered her another man, and she slammed
the door in my face!’
‘You—you offered—’
Elias stuttered angrily.
‘Only to test her,’ said
Sugarman soothingly. He continued: ’Now,
when she has eaten the cake and drunk a cup of chocolate,
too (for one must play high with such a ring at stake),
you must walk on by her side, and when you come to
a dark corner, take her hand and say “My treasure”
or “My angel,” or whatever nonsense you
modern young men babble to your maidens—with
the results you see!—and while she is drinking
it all in like more chocolate, her fingers in yours,
give a sudden tug, and off comes the ring!’
Elias gazed at him in admiration.
’You are as crafty as Jacob, our father.’
‘Heaven has not denied everybody
brains,’ replied Sugarman modestly. ‘Be
careful to seize the left hand.’
The admiring Elias followed the scheme to the letter.
Even the blush he had boggled at came
to his cheeks punctually whenever his sheep’s-eyes
met Fanny’s. He was so surprised to find
his face burning that he looked foolish into the bargain.
They dallied long in the cake-shop,
Elias trying to summon up courage for the final feint.
He would get a good grip on the ring finger. The
tug-of-war should be brief.
Meantime the couple clinked chocolate
cups, and smiled into each other’s eyes.
‘The good-for-nothing!’
thought Elias hotly. ’She will make the
same eyes at the next man.’
And he went on gorging her, every
speculative ‘stuffed monkey’ increasing
his nervous tension. Her white teeth, biting recklessly
into the cake, made him itch to slap her rosy cheek.
Confectionery palled at last, and Fanny led the way
out. Elias followed, chattering with feverish
gaiety. Gradually he drew up even with her.
They turned down the deserted Fishmonger’s
Alley, lit by one dull gas-lamp. Elias’s
limbs began to tremble with the excitement of the
critical moment. He felt like a footpad.
Hither and thither he peered—nobody was
about. But—was he on the right side
of her? ’The right is the left,’
he told himself, trying to smile, but his pulses thumped,
and in the tumult of heart and brain he was not sure
he knew her right hand from her left. Fortunately
he caught the glitter of the diamond in the gloom,
and instinctively his robber hand closed upon it.
But as he felt the warm responsive
clasp of those soft fingers, that ancient delicious
thrill pierced every vein. Fool that he had been
to doubt that dear hand! And it was wearing his
ring still—she could not part with it!
O blundering male ingrate!
‘My treasure! My angel!’ he murmured
ecstatically.