The long street leading to the church
was thronged with people who walked slowly, smiling
and talking to each other, either going towards the
lanes beyond the little town, or towards the sea.
But a third sort, much smaller in number, threaded
rather quickly in and out of the gently-moving crowds
with an air of obeying some purpose within themselves
and not merely enjoying the lull in the wind at sundown
and the warm air. And above it all, clanging
out from the grey tower, the last bell rang out a
single note urgently: “Come! Come!
Come!”
A good many did not notice the bell
at all; others just took it in as a sound of Sunday
evening which ministered pleasantly to their agreeable
feeling of having nothing to do but enjoy themselves;
scarcely anyone was troubled by declining that invitation,
because the habit of church-going has fallen from
the position of a duty to that of a compliment which
the religiously disposed are willing to pay their God
if quite convenient.
Caroline walked briskly, now and then
glancing up at the clock on the tower as if she belonged
to the purposeful minority which was making its way
to the grey porch. Not that she had started out
with any intention of going to the service, but her
girl friend had come across an admirer at the church
corner, and so it became necessary to do something
in self-defence. Impossible to contemplate wandering
alone on a Sunday evening without a companion of any
sort. The lack of a “boy” for such
a purpose made Caroline feel oddly self-conscious as
if people were staring at her and wondering.
She would have been glad of the young railway porter’s
company now, if he had turned up, and would have welcomed
him as a sort of refuge.
He sat and smoked on a bench by the
sea front, however, all unaware of the opportunity
that was rushing past him, never to return. At
the last insistent “Come!” Caroline caught
sight of Lillie with a young man rounding the next
bend of the road, and the idea of being pitied for
her solitary condition made her march straight up the
flagged path to the church door, as if she had meant
going ever since leaving home.
But once inside the church, she experienced
a gradual cessation of that prickling awareness of
other people’s thoughts and other people’s
eyes which had been so uncomfortable on the road.
For she was familiar with the service having
gone to the Sunday school in childhood and attended
church at times since, though the Creddles were chapel
folk so that the places in the Prayer Book
came automatically to her fingers, and the soothing
flow of the words gave her a chance to come to herself.
She did not worship in any real sense of the word,
but her mind was, despite itself, attuned to peace.
“From all the perils and dangers of this night”
Then, after an interval during which the sunset struck
golden across a tomb in the chancel: “The
grace of our Lord Jesus Christ . . . now and for evermore.
Amen.”
She rose from her knees and her glance fell upon Miss Ethel,
who sat a fair distance away in the sparsely filled side aisle. She
wondered whether Miss Ethel were a really religious sort or not you never heard
her mention a word about it, and she seemed so up against everything
Then the hymn old-fashioned
because the Vicar was away and the elderly organist
who had chosen it liked that kind best. Perhaps
he knew that all religion must at the last be a matter
of feeling and not of reason, for he had lived such
a long time in the world and really loved God.
But the strange preacher who was going to occupy the
pulpit looked down the church at the congregation
singing and felt they required a great deal of sound
teaching. So, being a good man with a high ethical
standard, he stepped up into the pulpit and did his
best during the opportunity which was at his disposal
to correct the effect of what he considered sentimental
doggerel.
But as Caroline listened to him, she
felt his explanations of a reasonable faith washing
away from her mind all the beautiful pictures which
had been stored there and had formed part of her life,
though she had not valued them. No doubt he
meant well; still the explanations took away and gave
nothing to fill the empty place. Soon her mind
wandered and she caught sight of a hat trimmed in a
way that was exceedingly smart and easy enough to
copy; so that occupied her attention until she heard
the familiar rustle among the congregation and the
“Now” which gives release.
The clergyman stood near the east
window to give the blessing with a side light slanting
across his white surplice, and a thought darted into
Caroline’s mind, turning her hot from head to
foot Why, that was just how the Vicar would
stand with the bride and bridegroom before him at
the altar-rails in three weeks’ time! And
a vision of Laura in her veil beside Wilson’s
broad, strong figure gave her a queer, unhappy feeling
of irritation and pain; yet somehow she wanted to indulge
the pain to press it in upon her senses
by dwelling on it.
Then her healthier instincts suddenly
revolted. “It’s nothing to me.
I aren’t jealous of another girl getting married!
I could be married myself to-morrow if that’s
all.” But deep within her she felt it was
not all; so rising abruptly she went out, not looking
again at the chancel.
Miss Ethel came forth more deliberately,
nodding to one here and there among the townspeople
as she passed under the porch into the cool evening,
but her salutations were not acknowledged with the
appearance of gratification or respect which she had
seen accorded to her parents years ago young
people from shops and post-offices nodded off-handedly
back, or at most gave a somewhat condescending “Good
evening, Miss Wilson,” feeling in their confident
youth and independence that it was they who had done
her the favour.
It was all so different; that constant
burden of her thoughts And as
she walked home through the end of the sunset, the
forlorn restlessness of the cat turned out of its
basket and forced to wander in cold, strange places
seized upon her again. She could not formulate
her unease excepting by that one phrase: it was
all so different.
When she reached home, Mrs. Bradford
looked up with a sort of solid expectancy: “Well,
did you have a good sermon?”
“I suppose so. The Vicar
was not there. The man we had explained to us
that there was no heaven and no God, so I suppose he
was very clever.”
Mrs. Bradford stared, then relaxed
comfortably into her cushions once more. “Oh,
you mean he held those new views about religion,”
she said. “I have just been reading a novel
that has something about that in it. Was he young?
I always like a young preacher, because their voices
are generally stronger and you can hear better.”
Miss Ethel had gone to the window
and now stood there, looking out. The eyebrow
which was affected a little by emotion or excitement
gave a slight twitch occasionally and her lips were
pressed close together. She saw the little flag
on the roof over the privet hedge hanging quiet on
the still air, and it added to her sense of being conquered
by those forces which had been creeping on steadily,
bit by bit, until she could not ignore them any more
than the new houses.
But she had never before felt it as
she did to-night, looking up at that exquisite clear
sky with the sickle moon rising. She was not
well, tired with the walk and the service; and a most
unwonted pressure of tears ached behind her eyes,
though she fiercely fought against them.
“Ethel!” said Mrs. Bradford.
“What are you standing there for? Why
don’t you go and take off your things for supper?”
“I am going.” Miss
Ethel controlled her voice to speak as usual.
“I’ll just put the kettle on first, because
Caroline won’t be in for some time yet.”
And she began to cross the room, when suddenly, abruptly,
she stopped short. Standing quite still in the
midst of all those heavy chairs and tables that gleamed
dimly in the falling dusk, she blurted out in a queer,
strangled tone: “I hated that sermon.
I don’t think clergymen ought to be allowed
to preach like that. They want to change God.
They can’t even leave God the same.”
“You really do upset yourself
about things so, Ethel,” said Mrs. Bradford
fretfully. She wanted her supper. “What
does it matter to you what other people think?
You should just take no notice and go on in your
own way, and believe what you always have believed as
I do.”
Miss Ethel made some inarticulate
reply, and went out to put on the kettle. Not
for any earthly consideration would she have told her
sister that that was exactly what she could not do:
that because she listened carefully to sermons and
read articles about religion the unchanging God was
gradually giving place to a vague Power which nebulously
adapted itself to the needs of a changing civilization.
The gas-ring spurted under the match
in her hand, lighting up with a bluish light her pale,
thin face. Her lips moved as she murmured to
herself for comfort: “The same yesterday,
to-day and for ever.” But she could not
find anything to hold on to in that any more.
Then she heard an unexpected sound
at the door, and the next minute Caroline came in,
drawing off her gloves.
“I’ll see to the hot water, Miss Ethel,”
she said.
“You are in early to-night,” said Miss
Ethel.
“Yes.” Caroline
paused. “Oh, I have been going to tell
you that I shall” But with
the words nearly over her lips, she found herself
unable to speak them. “Shall be late in
to-morrow,” she substituted; for somehow she
could not after all cut herself adrift from this house
yet, though she came fresh from a conversation which
had left her burning with annoyance.
She tingled still at the recollection
of one girl saying to another in passing: “That’s
Caroline Raby! What’s she doing?
Oh, she’s in service.” And at the
memory of her own sharply-flung: “I’m
not in service, then! I take tickets on the
promenade and I’m going into an office after
that.”
But though it was evident that she
was regarded by some as being in service, and though
she felt no higher regard for it than anyone else
who has just emerged from women’s oldest and
grandest profession, she could not bring herself to
break the threads which held her to these two women and
to something beyond them which she would not realize.
But after she was in bed, she could see in the darkness
the church window in the sunset, and the altar rails,
and the clergyman standing as he would do when Wilson
and Laura were married.
So the three women lay in bed, thinking
their own thoughts, with the sea moaning moaning as
it broke in a long even wave and withdrew on the soft
sand; quite a different sound every day, though Miss
Ethel had heard it for fifty-six years. But
she was scarcely conscious of hearing it at all, though
it had formed an accompaniment to every thought and
action of her life during all those years.
But to-night perhaps because
it was so warm and still, and she had the window facing
the sea wide open she did really listen
to the waves; and that sound might perhaps have comforted
her, with its deep note of unhasting permanence, if
the ears of her mind had also been open to hear.
But she only felt its melancholy. It seemed
to accentuate her forlorn sense of having nothing
stationary to hold on to, not even an unchanging God.