It was two days later, and Caroline
was going down to cash a cheque for Mrs. Bradford.
There had been a slight touch of frost in the night,
and the atmosphere was so rarified this morning that
every object seemed to meet the eye with equal distinctness with
the effect, somehow, of a Dutch painting. A
little black dog jumping up excitedly outside the
fishmonger’s, a woman in the doorway of the little
toy-shop taking down a bundle of wooden spades, a
red-faced farmer getting out of his trap at the bank all
looked equally clear, lacking the usual hazy effect
of the damp air. It was partly for this reason,
perhaps, that Caroline felt as if everybody were pressing
round her, and trying to read her thoughts.
Though the toy-shop woman called out a pleasant “good
morning,” after her habit, Caroline thought she
peered curiously from behind her grove of spades,
and that she was no doubt wondering what it felt like
to be made the “talk of the place” especially
by a gentleman who allowed stout, middle-aged Mr.
Creddle to threaten horse-whipping with impunity.
Then in going past the fish-shop, the very cod seemed
to turn a contemptuous, lack-lustre eye upon her, as
if they also said to each other: “There
goes the girl who was made a fool of by a man who
never really meant to marry her.”
But it was the worst when she caught
sight of the hoarding on the little Picture Hall.
For suddenly the phrase which she had seen there
on the film flashed across her mind with such vividness
that it seemed to be written in dancing, bright letters
across the sunshiny street: “I swear I
want to marry you.”
She felt dizzy, then it passed.
It was true enough, of course. Men did always
say that, as Aunt Creddle had told her. She was
only one of the millions of silly girls so easily
deceived. And she went down the street, feeling
that from every eye streamed out a baleful ray which
reached and hurt the sore place in her heart.
At last she came to the bank; and
the farmer was there at the counter, pushing his notes
across grudgingly as does the man of all
nations who has wrung his hard living out of the soil.
“I hate these no-ates,” he was saying.
“They do-an’t seem like money. But
I doubt they’ll last my da-ay.”
His drawl seemed to go in and out
of Caroline’s thoughts, soothing her while she
waited; then she heard a door open beyond the counter
and saw Laura come forth, attended by the bank-manager,
and wearing a jaded, excited look, as if she had been
through a difficult interview in which she had at
last come off triumphant. On catching sight of
Caroline she flushed deeply, hesitating for a second,
then coming forward with hand outstretched.
“Oh, I was wanting to see you, Miss Raby.”
Caroline wondered why Laura should
look like that on unexpectedly meeting her, if this
were so; but the farmer went out and his place at
the counter was now clear. Laura, however, followed
her, saying in a low tone: “Is Mrs. Bradford
at home this morning?”
“No,” said Caroline, “she has gone
to see Mrs. Graham.”
“Ah, I thought so.” She paused.
“Are you going straight home?”
“Yes, at least, I have only
one other errand,” said Caroline. With
that she turned to the man behind the counter who was
waiting to transact her business, and Laura went out
of the bank.
Caroline walked home, thinking once
or twice about the incident, for Laura’s manner
seemed odd if she only wanted to know whether Mrs.
Bradford were at home or not. Then about an hour
later, when she was near a front window, she chanced
to see Laura coming up the drive. So going to
the door; she said at once: “I’m sorry,
but Mrs. Bradford has not come in yet. Do you
care to leave a message?”
As Laura stood there hesitating, that
odd mixture of maturity and a sort of girlish angularity
in her appearance became unusually marked. “No no
message. I I think I will just come
in.”
“But I am afraid Mrs. Bradford
may be some time,” said Caroline.
Laura looked at her as if seeking
something in her face, then repeated awkwardly:
“Oh! I think I will just come in.”
So Caroline led the way to the sitting-room,
but just as she was about to go, Laura said quickly:
“I suppose you like the idea of working at an
office?”
“Oh yes; I think it will be
all right, thank you,” said Caroline, moving
on towards the door all the time. She did not
want to stay in the same room with this girl who was
to marry Godfrey. Let them marry and be happy,
so far as she was concerned; but she did not want to
have anything to do with either of them again.
Then she went through the door, but
before she was across the hall she heard Laura’s
voice raised on a sort of high, breathless note calling
after her: “Don’t don’t
go, yet. I we so seldom have a chat.
This this must have been a most trying time
for you.”
Caroline went back and stood just
within the door, her small face pale and rather severe.
What did this girl want of her? For she could
see that there was something behind those halting
words which Laura felt either afraid or ashamed to
say. She would not help by a single word.
No, not though the kind brown eyes began to distress
her a little, like those of a dog with a hurt paw.
“I suppose office work is really
what you like best?” said Laura nervously.
“You think you will really enjoy it? You” she
drew a breath and plunged, as it were “you
have no idea of getting married at present?”
“No,” said Caroline, speaking
with fair composure, though her own nerves began to
quiver and she breathed rather quickly. For this
was what Laura had come for, then! She had heard
tales and wanted to find out if they were true.
Well let her! For
one second a great temptation assailed Caroline.
She stood there in the doorway, with the power of happiness
or unhappiness in her hands, knowing perfectly well
that she had only to tell the actual, unvarnished
truth as it had actually happened for Godfrey’s
chance of a rich wife, and Laura’s chance of
a probably successful marriage to vanish in less time
than you could open and shut the door.
But the next moment it was all over.
She knew, with a just pride, that she could never
do a mean trick like that: it was not in her.
When the room, which had gone a little dim, grew
clear again, she heard herself continuing, as if it
were somebody else: “I’m sure I shall
enjoy being on my own. I’d rather keep
myself than be dependent on any man. You can
do as you like. It’s better than getting
married.”
“But nothing is better than
marriage with the right man,” said Laura.
She was still looking intently at Caroline; still seeming
all the time to have something behind her words which
hovered but remained unspoken. Then, suddenly
her eyes filled with tears.
Caroline looked away, perplexed and
troubled. “I’m afraid Mrs. Bradford
may not be in for some time.”
Laura rose in a hesitating fashion.
“Do you think so? Well, I suppose I had
better go. Mrs. Bradford will be glad when the
sale is over. She will be happier in a boarding-house
at Scarborough.”
They were at the front door now; and
to avoid looking at each other they both glanced at
the man who was wheeling a barrow-load of building
implements in from the field across the place where
the privet hedge used to be.
“I suppose that is for the improvements
to the Cottage?” said Laura, who seemed as if
she could not go and yet did not really want to stay.
“Yes. They begin altering
the outside buildings before the sale,” said
Caroline; but all the time she was asking within herself:
“What is it? What is it?”
Again they looked at the man, who
was now trudging back over the newly-laid sods.
“Poor Miss Ethel!” said
Laura. “She would not have liked that,
would she?”
Caroline shook her head, not speaking it
was all so curiously far off from what they were both
thinking about that words only seemed to echo from
a distance. “There have to be changes,”
she said at last, growing afraid of the pause lest
it should imply too much.
“Well, Miss Ethel always hated
change,” said Laura. Then her expression
began to alter curiously under Caroline’s eyes becoming
charged, as it were, with an inner radiance that shone
right through the outer dullness, or embarrassment,
or sadness whatever there might be.
“At any rate, she has gone where things are
certain.”
Caroline’s heart beat fast with
the sudden impact of discovery. Laura, too,
then! They were both just like people hanging
on to a spar in a rough sea and hoping to be thrown
on shore at last. That was what life was, even
when you were going to be married to the man of your
choice. But the expression of Laura’s face or
was it that thought of a rough sea? had
in some way brought back that time in the pay-box after
Miss Ethel’s death, when Caroline herself had
looked up at the blue sky breaking through the grey.
Once more she tried to grope across the barrier between
the seen and the unseen.
What was there after all? Then
a line of one of those Sunday-school hymns floated
across her mind “Oh, Thou that changest
not” And the thought of Miss Ethel
on the stairs with that heavy pail in her hand.
But the thoughts passed so quickly
that Laura had not noticed the pause. “I
like to fancy Miss Ethel in a place where things don’t
change. It makes you think, when somebody you
know goes” And Caroline
saw Laura felt the same; was drawn more closely in
touch with this eternity to which Miss Ethel had just
gone over.
Then a man over in the field shouted
loudly to his mate. Both girls glanced, half
startled, in that direction, and when they looked at
each other again the mental atmosphere had quite altered.
“Well, I must be going,” said Laura.
But it was still so evident she had
left something unsaid, that Caroline remained half-consciously
expectant in the doorway. And a few steps down
the drive Laura did suddenly stop short, pause a moment
and return with quick, nervous steps. “Oh,
by the way, I suppose you won’t know that my
engagement with Mr. Wilson is broken off?”
For a moment an age Caroline’s
throat seemed to dry up, and she felt like a person
in a nightmare struggling to make a sound which will
not come. Then, out of all the turmoil of questions,
fears, emotions that Laura’s words had caused
to seethe within her, she was only able to bring to
the surface: “I I didn’t
know.”
“No?” Laura paused.
“Well, you’ll tell Mrs. Bradford I have
been” And she hurried away
down the drive; but she had not yet lost that air
of having left something unsaid which she had come
on purpose to say.
Caroline could see her near the gate,
then paused a moment as at the approach of voices;
and the next minute Mr. and Mrs. Graham came in, accompanying
Mrs. Bradford. Their attitudes were most plainly
visible to Caroline in the doorway, though she could
not hear what was said; Mrs. Bradford solidly engrossed
in her own importance as a mourner Mr.
Graham bending forward to speak to Laura, conciliatory,
voluble; and Laura herself unresponsive.
Caroline gave a last look at them
before going indoors to take the potatoes from the
fire; and as she did so, she experienced one of those
sudden, blindingly clear moments of intuition common
to almost every one, in which the processes of fact,
argument, reason are all skipped, and the knowledge
is there, full blown. She knew perfectly well
that Mr. and Mrs. Graham had felt it their solemn
duty to inform Laura with the best intentions of
what was being said about Godfrey Wilson and the girl
on the promenade.
But before she had time to turn away
the group dissolved, Laura going on alone, while Mrs.
Bradford and Mrs. Graham came up the drive. The
picture bit like acid into her mind. The three
coming up the path; the clear sky; the man with the
barrow wheeling cement over the forlorn dismantled
part of the garden where the privet hedge had been.
But in the kitchen, while she was
taking the potatoes from the steamer, her face suddenly
flushed crimson. “I aren’t going
to be frightened,” she murmured to herself.
“I aren’t going to care what anybody says.
She would never break off her engagement because of
a bit of scandal. She’s not that sort.
They’ll be married, all right.”
Beneath her defiance, however, Caroline
was terribly afraid. She sub-consciously so
dreaded the agony she must endure if he did come after
her again and she had to send him away. For that
was what she would do. Never for one second
did she waver in her determination to have no more
to do with a man who could behave as he had done.
She couldn’t help loving him, but she could
help trusting him with her life.
Mrs. Bradford appeared, black and
bulky in the kitchen doorway. “Oh, Caroline”
And her voice, though heavy and rather husky, put
the same immeasurable distance between Caroline and
every Wilson in the world as Miss Ethel’s clear
tones, speaking the same words, had always done.
“I am expecting Mr. Wilson on business after
tea. Will you show him into the breakfast-room
if you have not gone out when he comes?”
Caroline murmured acquiescence, angry
to feel herself blushing; and when she looked up Mrs.
Bradford’s little eyes were fixed on her with
the insatiable curiosity of the dull; so she looked
steadily down again at the bowl of potatoes.
After a pause that seemed very long, she heard the
pad-pad-pad of a heavy, elderly woman’s walk
sounding along the passage.
Mrs. Bradford, waiting for her lunch,
also looked at the wheel-marks left by the passing
of the workman’s barrow over the place where
the privet hedge used to be. She might not like
it, but she was without that fiery hatred of change
which did actually release Miss Ethel’s spirit
for its escape to certainty.