Christina was serving a customer when
her two guests entered the shop. Unembarrassed
she beamed on both and signed to Macgregor to go ‘right
in.’ So Macgregor conducted his friend,
who during the journey had betrayed increasing indications
of ‘funk,’ into the absent owner’s
living-room, which Christina had contrived to make
brighter looking than for many a year.
At the sight of the laden table Willie
took fright and declared his intention of doing an
immediate ‘slope.’ ‘Ye didna
tell me,’ he complained, ‘there was to
be a big compn’y.’
Macgregor grabbed him by the arm.
’Keep yer hair on, Wullie. There’ll
be naebody but the three o’ us. There’s
nae scrimp aboot Christina,’ he added with pride.
‘I believe ye!’ responded
the reassured guest. ’Gor, I never seen
as much pastries in a’ ma born days no
but what I’m ready to dae ma bit.’
Just then Christina entered, remarking:
‘It’s an awfu’ job
tryin’ to sell what a person doesna want to a
person that wants what ye ha’ena got; but I done
it this time. Evenin’, Mac. Mr. Thomson,
I am delighted to meet ye.’
‘Aw,’ murmured Willie helplessly.
‘Dinna terrify him,’ Macgregor whispered.
‘Sorry,’ she said with
quick compunction. ’I’m gled to see
ye, Wullie. Sit doon an’ feel at hame.
The kettle’s jist at the bile. See, tak’
Miss Tod’s chair. She’ll like to
think that a sojer sat in it. She’ll never
ha’e been as near to a man. I was askin’
her the ither nicht if she had ever had a lad.
The answer was in the negative.’
‘Maybe,’ Macgregor suggested, ‘she
didna like to tell ye the truth.’
Christina smiled gently, saying, ’Ye’ve
a lot to learn aboot us females, Mac.’
‘By Jings, ye’re richt
there!’ Willie exploded, and immediately subsided
in confusion.
‘Ay,’ she agreed placidly;
’he’s no a connoisseur like you, Wullie.
Talkin’ o’ females, hoo’s yer aunt
keepin’?’
‘Rotten at least
she was fine the last time I seen her ugly.’
’The decay seems to ha’e
been rapid. But, seriously, it’s a peety
ye canna love yer aunt better ’
Love her! Oh, help!’ The
‘p’ was sounded just in time, and Willie
glanced at Macgregor to see whether he had noticed
the stumble.
Macgregor, however, had forgotten
Willie unless, perhaps to wish him a hundred
miles away. Christina was wearing a new white
blouse which showed a little bit of her neck, with
a bow of her favourite scarlet at the opening.
‘D’ye ken what ma aunt
done to me the ither day?’ Willie proceeded,
craving for sympathy. ‘I was terrible hard
up, an’ I wrote her a nice letter on a caird
wi’ a view o’ Glesca Cathedral on it,
includin’ the graveyaird cost me a
penny; an’ what dae ye think she sent me
back? A bl oomin’ trac’!’
At that moment the kettle boiled,
and Christina, exclaiming ’Oh, mercy!’
sprang to the hearth. Over her shoulder she said
in a voice that wavered slightly:
’That was hard cheese, Wullie,
but ye maun send her a cheerier-like caird next time.
I’ll stand ye an optimistic specimen afore ye
leave the shop.’
‘Thenk ye! A of
course we’ll ha’e to draw the line at picturs
o’ folk dookin’ in the sad sea waves or
canoodlin’ on the shore ’
Christina, teapot in one hand, kettle
in the other, burst out laughing.
‘Mind ye dinna burn yersel’!’
cried Macgregor, starting into life.
‘Haud the kettle, Mac,’
said she. ‘It’s no fair o’
Wullie to be sae funny.’
‘I wasna funny!’ Willie protested.
‘It’s yer notion o’
the optimistic that tickled me,’ she said.
’Pour, Mac; I’m steady noo. But ye’re
quite richt, Wullie. We canna be ower discreet
when cash is involved. I’ll get some high-class
cairds for ye to inspect till the tea’s infused.’
Macgregor would dearly have liked
to follow her into the shop.
‘She’s a clinker,’ observed Willie
under his breath.
‘Eh?’
‘Naething.’
Which was all the conversation during the absence
of the hostess.
She returned with a tray. Willie
was tempted by a card with the ‘V.C.’
emblazoned on it, but feared it would look ‘swanky’
on his part. Though hampered by the adverse
criticisms of Macgregor, who naturally wanted to hold
Christina’s hand under cover of the table as
long as possible, he succeeded at last in choosing
one entitled ‘The Soldier’s Return,’
depicting a bronzed youth running to embrace an old
lady awaiting him in a cottage porch.
‘If that doesna touch the spot,’ said
Christina, ‘I’m a duchess.’
They sat down to tea.
Much to Willie’s relief, Christina
apparently forgot all about a blessing. Anxious
to please, he expressed admiration at the abundance
of good things.
‘I like to see a table groanin’,’
said the hospitable hostess.
‘There’ll be mair nor
the table groanin’ afore lang,’ observed
Macgregor.
They all laughed like happy people,
especially Willie, until with a start he remembered
the cream cookies and his omission to bring an extra
hanky. All the same, he proceeded to enjoy himself
pretty heartily, and did the agreeable to the best
of his ability, furnishing sundry anecdotes of camp
life which were as new to Macgregor as they probably
were to himself. At last
‘Try a cream cookie,’ said Christina.
But he could not face it. ‘Cream,’
he said mournfully, ’doesna agree wi’
me. The last time I had cream ma aunt
had got it in for her cat that had the staggers I
lay in agony for three days an’ three nichts
an’ several ’oors into the bargain.
Ma aunt feared I was gaun to croak ma last.’
Macgregor made a choking sound, while
Christina gravely hoped that the cat had also recovered,
and passed the macaroons.
‘Thenk ye,’ said Willie,
and readily resumed operations. But he was not
a little disgusted to note presently that Christina
and Macgregor enjoyed their cream cookies without
the slightest mishap.
His geniality was not fully restored
until, at the end of the meal, Christina laid a box
of superior cigarettes between her two guests.
‘May I drap deid in five
meenutes,’ he declared, ’if ever I was
treated like this afore! Macgreegor, ye’re
jist a damp lucky deevil!’
‘Oh, whisht!’ said Christina smiling.
‘Ye should get a girl, Wullie,’
Macgregor remarked with the air of an old married
man.
‘I ha’ena your luck, ma
lad. If I was trustin’ a girl, I’ll
bet ye a bob she wud turn oot to be yin o’ the
sort that pinches a chap’s wages afore they’re
warmed in his pooch, an’ objec’s to him
smokin’ a fag, an’ tak’s the huff
if he calls her fig-face.’
‘I’m afraid ye’re
a pessimist,’ Christina said. ’I
used to dae a bit in that line masel’.
Ma favourite motto was: “Cheer up ye’ll
soon be deid!” But I got past that, an’
so will you.’
With a sardonic smile Willie shook
his head and took another cigarette; and just then
Christina had to go to attend to a customer.
Willie turned to his friend.
’Thon was a dirty trick aboot the cookies.
I’ve a guid mind to bide here as lang as
you.’
’I didna think ye wud hae been
feart for a cookie, Wullie. Of course, I’ll
never tell her.’
‘Weel, I accep’ yer apology.
Can ye len’ us thruppence? I want
to purchase some War Loan. . . . By Jings, ye’re
no a bad sort, Macgreegor. . . . Hoo dae
ye think I behaved masel’?’
‘No that bad.’
‘Weel, I want ye to tell her
I ha’end enjoyed masel’ sae much since
ma Uncle Peter’s funeral, ten year back.’
‘Tell her yersel’.’
Willie pocketed a few of the superior
cigarettes, and rose. ’It’s sax-thirty,’
he said. ‘Her an’ you’ll be
nane the waur o’ hauf an’ ‘oor in
private. See? So long! She’s
a clinker!’
And before Macgregor realized it,
Willie had bolted through the shop and into the street.
Christina returned, her eyes wide.
‘What gaed wrang wi’ him, Mac?’
‘Come here an’ I’ll tell ye.’