A ball, but not the one to which
we have seen Miss Susan and Miss Phoebe rush forth
upon their career of crime. This is the third
of the series, the one of which Patty has foretold
with horrid relish that it promises to be specially
given over to devilries. The scene is a canvas
pavilion, used as a retiring room and for card play,
and through an opening in the back we have glimpses
of gay uniforms and fair ladies intermingled in the
bravery of the dance. There is coming and going
through this opening, and also through slits in the
canvas. The pavilion is fantastically decorated
in various tastes, and is lit with lanterns.
A good-natured moon, nevertheless, shines into it
benignly. Some of the card tables are neglected,
but at one a game of quadrille is in progress.
There is much movement and hilarity, but none from
one side of the tent, where sit several young ladies,
all pretty, all appealing and all woeful, for no gallant
comes to ask them if he may have the felicity.
The nervous woman chaperoning them, and afraid to
meet their gaze lest they scowl or weep in reply, is
no other than Miss Susan, the most unhappy Miss Susan
we have yet seen; she sits there gripping her composure
in both hands. Far less susceptible to shame
is the brazen Phoebe, who may be seen passing the
opening on the arm of a cavalier, and flinging her
trembling sister a mischievous kiss. The younger
ladies note the incident; alas, they are probably meant
to notice it, and they cower, as under a blow.
HARRIET (a sad-eyed, large girl,
who we hope found a romance at her next ball).
Are we so disagreeable that no one will dance with
us? Miss Susan, ’tis infamous; they have
eyes for no one but your niece.
CHARLOTTE. Miss Livvy has taken Ensign Blades
from me.
HARRIET. If Miss Phoebe were
here, I am sure she would not allow her old pupils
to be so neglected.
(The only possible reply for
MISS SUSAN is to make herself look as small as
possible. A lieutenant comes to them, once a
scorner of woman, but now SPICER the bewitched.
HARRIET has a moment’s hope.)
How do you do, sir?
SPICER (with dreadful indifference,
though she is his dear cousin). Nay, ma’am,
how do you do? (Wistfully.) May I stand beside
you, Miss Susan?
(He is a most melancholic young
man, and he fidgets her.)
MISS SUSAN (with spirit).
You have been standing beside me, sir, nearly all
the evening. SPICER (humbly. It is strange
to think that he had been favourably mentioned in
despatches). Indeed, I cannot but be cognisant
of the sufferings I cause by attaching myself to you
in this unseemly manner. Accept my assurances,
ma’am, that you have my deepest sympathy.
MISS SUSAN. Then why do you do it?
SPICER. Because you are her
aunt, ma’am. It is a scheme of mine by
which I am in hopes to soften her heart. Her
affection for you, ma’am, is beautiful to observe,
and if she could be persuaded that I seek her hand
from a passionate desire to have you for my Aunt Susan-do
you perceive anything hopeful in my scheme, ma’am?
MISS SUSAN. No, sir, I do not.
(SPICER wanders away gloomily,
takes too much to drink, and ultimately becomes a
general. ENSIGN BLADES appears, frowning,
and CHARLOTTE ventures to touch his sleeve.)
CHARLOTTE. Ensign Blades, I
have not danced with you once this evening.
BLADES (with the cold brutality
of a lover to another she). Nor I with you,
Charlotte. (To SUSAN.) May I solicit of you,
Miss Susan, is Captain Brown Miss Livvy’s guardian;
is he affianced to her?
MISS SUSAN. No, sir.
BLADES. Then by what right,
ma’am, does he interfere? Your elegant
niece had consented to accompany me to the shrubbery-to
look at the moon. And now Captain Brown forbids
it. ’Tis unendurable.
CHARLOTTE. But you may see the moon from here,
sir.
BLADES (glancing at it contemptuously).
I believe not, ma’am. (The moon still shines
on.)
MISS SUSAN (primly).
I am happy Captain Brown forbade her.
BLADES. Miss Susan, ’twas
but because he is to conduct her to the shrubbery
himself.
(He flings out pettishly, and
MISS SUSAN looks pityingly at the wall-flowers.)
MISS SUSAN. My poor Charlotte!
May I take you to some very agreeable ladies?
CHARLOTTE (tartly). No,
you may not. I am going to the shrubbery to
watch Miss Livvy.
MISS SUSAN. Please not to do that.
CHARLOTTE (implying that MISS
SUSAN will be responsible for her early death).
My chest is weak. I shall sit among the dew.
MISS SUSAN. Charlotte, you terrify
me. At least, please to put this cloak about
your shoulders. Nay, my dear, allow me.
(She puts a cloak around CHARLOTTE,
who departs vindictively for the shrubbery.
She will not find LIVVY there, however, for
next moment MISS PHOEBE darts in from the back.)
PHOEBE (in a gay whisper).
Susan, another offer -Major Linkwater-rotund
man, black whiskers, fierce expression; he has rushed
away to destroy himself.
(We have been unable to find any
record of the Major’s tragic end.)
AN OLD SOLDIER (looking up from
a card table, whence he has heard the raging of
BLADES). Miss Livvy, ma’am, what is this
about the moon?
(PHOEBE smiles roguishly.)
PHOEBE (looking about her). I want my
cloak, Aunt Susan.
MISS SUSAN. I have just lent it to poor Charlotte
Parratt.
PHOEBE. Oh, auntie!
OLD SOLDIER. And now Miss Livvy
cannot go into the shrubbery to see the moon; and
she is so fond of the moon!
(MISS PHOEBE screws her nose at
him merrily, and darts back to the dance, but she
has left a defender behind her.)
A GALLANT (whose name we have not
succeeded in discovering). Am I to understand,
sir, that you are intimating disparagement of the moon?
If a certain female has been graciously pleased to
signify approval of that orb, any slight cast upon
the moon, sir, I shall regard as a personal affront.
OLD SOLDIER. Hoity-toity.
(But he rises, and they face each
other, as MISS SUSAN feels, for battle.
She is about to rush between their undrawn swords
when there is a commotion outside; a crowd gathers
and opens to allow some officers to assist a fainting
woman into the tent. It is MISS PHOEBE,
and MISS SUSAN with a cry goes on her knees
beside her. The tent has filled with the sympathetic
and inquisitive, but CAPTAIN BROWN, as a physician,
takes command, and by his order they retire.
He finds difficulty in bringing the sufferer to, and
gets little help from MISS SUSAN, who can only
call upon MISS PHOEBE by name.)
VALENTINE. Nay, Miss Susan,
’tis useless calling for Miss Phoebe. ’Tis
my fault; I should not have permitted Miss Livvy to
dance so immoderately. Why do they delay with
the cordial?
(He goes to the back to close the
opening, and while he is doing so the incomprehensible
MISS PHOEBE seizes the opportunity to sit up on
her couch of chairs, waggle her finger at MISS
SUSAN, and sign darkly that she is about to make
a genteel recovery.)
PHOEBE. Where am I? Is
that you, Aunt Susan? What has happened?
VALENTINE (returning).
Nay, you must recline, Miss Livvy. You fainted.
You have over-fatigued yourself.
PHOEBE. I remember.
(BLADES enters with the cordial.)
VALENTINE. You will sip this cordial.
BLADES. By your leave, sir.
(He hands it to PHOEBE himself.)
VALENTINE. She is in restored looks already,
Miss Susan.
PHOEBE. I am quite recovered.
Perhaps if you were to leave me now with my excellent
aunt-
VALENTINE. Be off with you, apple cheeks.
BLADES. Sir, I will suffer no
reference to my complexion; and, if I mistake not,
this charming lady was addressing you.
PHOEBE. If you please, both
of you. (They retire together, and no sooner have
they gone than MISS PHOEBE leaps from the couch,
her eyes sparkling. She presses the cordial
on MISS SUSAN.) Nay, drink it, Susan. I
left it for you on purpose. I have such awful
information to impart. Drink. (MISS SUSAN drinks
tremblingly and then the bolt is fired.) Susan,
Miss Henrietta and Miss Fanny are here!
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe!
PHOEBE. Suddenly my eyes lighted
on them. At once I slipped to the ground.
MISS SUSAN. You think they did not see you?
PHOEBE. I am sure of it.
They talked for a moment to Ensign Blades, and then
turned and seemed to be going towards the shrubbery.
MISS SUSAN. He had heard that
you were there with Captain Brown. He must have
told them.
PHOEBE. I was not. But
oh, sister, I am sure they suspect, else why should
they be here? They never frequent balls.
MISS SUSAN. They have suspected
for a week, ever since they saw you in your veil,
Phoebe, on the night of the first dance. How
could they but suspect, when they have visited us
every day since then and we have always pretended
that Livvy was gone out.
PHOEBE. Should they see my face
it will be idle to attempt to deceive them.
MISS SUSAN. Idle indeed; Phoebe,
the scandal! You-a schoolmistress!
PHOEBE. That is it, sister.
A little happiness has gone to my head like strong
waters.
(She is very restless and troubled.)
MISS SUSAN. My dear, stand still, and think.
PHOEBE. I dare not, I cannot.
Oh, Susan, if they see me we need not open school
again.
MISS SUSAN. We shall starve.
PHOEBE (passionately).
This horrid, forward, flirting, heartless, hateful
little toad of a Livvy.
MISS SUSAN. Brother James’s daughter,
as we call her!
PHOEBE. ’Tis all James’s fault.
MISS SUSAN. Sister, when you know that James
has no daughter!
PHOEBE. If he had really had
one, think you I could have been so wicked as to personate
her? Susan, I know not what I am saying, but
you know who it is that has turned me into this wild
creature.
MISS SUSAN. Oh, Valentine Brown, how could you?
PHOEBE. To weary of Phoebe-patient,
lady-like Phoebe-the Phoebe whom I have
lost-to turn from her with a ‘Bah,
you make me old,’ and become enamoured in a
night of a thing like this!
MISS SUSAN. Yes, yes, indeed;
yet he has been kind to us also. He has been
to visit us several times.
PHOEBE. In the hope to see her.
Was he not most silent and gloomy when we said she
was gone out?
MISS SUSAN. He is infatuate-
(She hesitates.) Sister, you are not partial
to him still?
PHOEBE. No, Susan, no.
I did love him all those years, though I never spoke
of it to you. I put hope aside at once, I folded
it up and kissed it and put it away like a pretty
garment I could never wear again, I but loved to think
of him as a noble man. But he is not a noble
man, and Livvy found it out in an hour. The gallant!
I flirted that I might enjoy his fury. Susan,
there has been a declaration in his eyes all to-night,
and when he cries ’Adorable Miss Livvy, be mine,’
I mean to answer with an ’Oh, la, how ridiculous
you are. You are much too old-I have
been but quizzing you, sir.’
MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, how can you be so cruel?
PHOEBE. Because he has taken
from me the one great glory that is in a woman’s
life. Not a man’s love-she can
do without that-but her own dear sweet
love for him. He is unworthy of my love; that
is why I can be so cruel.
MISS SUSAN. Oh, dear.
PHOEBE. And now my triumph is
to be denied me, for we must steal away home before
Henrietta and Fanny see us.
MISS SUSAN. Yes, yes.
PHOEBE (dispirited).
And to-morrow we must say that Livvy has gone back
to her father, for I dare keep up this deception no
longer. Susan, let us go.
(They are going dejectedly, but
are arrested by the apparition of MISS HENRIETTA
and MISS FANNY peeping into the tent.
PHOEBE has just time to signify to her sister
that she will confess all and beg for mercy, when
the intruders speak.)
Miss HENRIETTA (not triumphant
but astounded). You, Miss Phoebe?
PHOEBE (with bowed head). Yes.
MISS FANNY. How amazing! You do not deny,
ma’am, that you are Miss
Phoebe?
PHOEBE (making confession). Yes, Fanny,
I am Miss Phoebe.
(To her bewilderment HENRIETTA
and FANNY exchange ashamed glances.)
MISS HENRIETTA. Miss Phoebe, we have done you
a cruel wrong.
MISS FANNY. Phoebe, we apologise.
MISS HENRIETTA. To think how
excitedly we have been following her about in the
shrubbery.
MISS FANNY. She is wearing your cloak.
MISS HENRIETTA. Ensign Blades told us she was
gone to the shrubbery.
MISS FANNY. And we were convinced there was
no such person.
MISS HENRIETTA. So of course we thought it must
be you.
MISS FANNY (who has looked out).
I can discern her in the shrubbery still. She
is decidedly taller than Phoebe.
MISS HENRIETTA. I thought she looked taller.
I meant to say so.
Phoebe, ’twas the cloak deceived us. We
could not see her face.
PHOEBE (beginning to understand).
Cloak? You mean, Henrietta-you mean,
Fanny-
MISS FANNY. ’Twas wicked
of us, my dear, but we-we thought that you
and Miss Livvy were the same person. (They have
evidently been stalking CHARLOTTE in MISS
PHOEBE’S cloak. MISS SUSAN shudders,
but MISS PHOEBE utters a cry of reproach, and
it is some time before they can persuade her to forgive
them. It is of course also some time before
we can forgive MISS PHOEBE.) Phoebe, you look so
pretty. Are they paying you no attentions, my
dear?
(PHOEBE is unable to resist these
delightful openings. The imploring looks
MISS SUSAN gives her but add to her enjoyment.
It is as if the sense of fun she had caged a moment
ago were broke loose again.)
PHOEBE. Alas, they think of
none but Livvy. They come to me merely to say
that they adore her.
MISS HENRIETTA. Surely not Captain Brown?
PHOEBE. He is infatuate about her.
MISS FANNY. Poor Phoebe!
(They make much of her, and she
purrs naughtily to their stroking, with lightning
peeps at MISS SUSAN. Affronted Providence seeks
to pay her out by sending ENSIGN BLADES into
the tent. Then the close observer may see
MISS PHOEBE’S heart sink like a bucket in
a well. MISS SUSAN steals from the tent.)
MISS HENRIETTA. Mr. Blades,
I have been saying that if I were a gentleman I would
pay my addresses to Miss Phoebe much rather than to
her niece.
BLADES. Ma’am, excuse me.
MISS HENRIETTA (indignant that
MISS PHOEBE should be slighted so publicly).
Sir, you are a most ungallant and deficient young
man.
BLADES. Really, ma’am, I assure you-
MISS HENRIETTA. Not another word, sir.
PHOEBE (in her most old-maidish
manner). Miss Fanny, Miss Henrietta, it
is time I spoke plainly to this gentleman. Please
leave him to me. Surely ’twill come best
from me.
MISS HENRIETTA. Indeed, yes, if it be not too
painful to you.
PHOEBE. I must do my duty.
MISS FANNY (wistfully). If we could remain-
PHOEBE. Would it be seemly, Miss Fanny?
MISS HENRIETTA. Come, Fanny.
(To BLADES.) Sir, you bring your punishment
upon yourself.
(They press PHOEBE’S
hand, and go. Her heart returns to its usual
abode.)
BLADES (bewildered). Are you angry with
me, Miss Livvy?
PHOEBE. Oh, no.
BLADES. Miss Livvy, I have something
to say to you of supreme importance to me. With
regard to my complexion, I am aware, Miss Livvy, that
it has retained a too youthful bloom. My brother
officers comment on it with a certain lack of generosity.
(Anxiously.) Might I inquire, ma’am,
whether you regard my complexion as a subject for
light talk.
PHOEBE. No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it.
BLADES (who has had no intention
of offering, but is suddenly carried off his feet
by the excellence of the opportunity, which is no doubt
responsible for many proposals). Miss Livvy,
ma’am, you may have it.
(She has a great and humorous longing
that she could turn before his affrighted eyes into
the schoolmistress she really is. She would
endure much to be able at this moment to say, ’I
have listened to you, ENSIGN BLADES, with attention,
but I am really MISS PHOEBE, and I must now
request you to fetch me the implement.’
Under the shock, would he have surrendered his palm
for punishment? It can never be known, for as
she looks at him longingly, LIEUTENANT SPICER enters,
and he mistakes the meaning of that longing look.)
SPICER. ‘Tis my dance, ma’am-’tis
not Ensign Blades’.
BLADES. Leave us, sir. We have matter
of moment to discuss.
SPICER (fearing the worst).
His affection, Miss Livvy, is not so deep as mine.
He is a light and shallow nature.
PHOEBE. Pooh! You are both light and shallow
natures.
BLADES. Both, ma’am?
(But he is not sure that he has not had a miraculous
escape.)
PHOEBE (severely). ’Tis
such as you, with your foolish flirting ways, that
confuse the minds of women and make us try to be as
silly as yourselves.
SPICER (crushed). Ma’am.
PHOEBE. I did not mean to hurt
you. (She takes a hand of each and tries to advise
them as if her curls were once more hidden under a
cap.) You are so like little boys in a school.
Do be good. Sit here beside me. I know
you are very brave-
BLADES. Ha!
PHOEBE. And when you come back
from the wars it must be so delightful to you to flirt
with the ladies again.
SPICER. Oh, ma’am.
PHOEBE. As soon as you see a
lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying that
you adore her.
BLADES (in an ecstasy). Nay, I swear.
PHOEBE. And you offer to her,
not from love, but because you are so deficient in
conversation.
SPICER. Charming, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (with sudden irritation).
Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of you, and read
improving books.
(They are cast down. She
has not been quite fair to these gallants, for it
is not really of them she has grown weary so much as
of the lady they temporarily adore. If MISS
PHOEBE were to analyse her feelings she would find
that her remark is addressed to LIVVY, and that
it means, ’I have enjoyed for a little pretending
to be you, but I am not you and I do not wish to be
you. Your glitter and the airs of you and the
racket of you tire me, I want to be done with you,
and to be back in quiet Quality Street, of which I
am a part; it is really pleasant to me to know that
I shall wake up to-morrow slightly middle-aged.’
With the entrance of CAPTAIN BROWN, however,
she is at once a frivol again. He frowns at
sight of her cavaliers.)
VALENTINE. Gentlemen, I instructed
this lady to rest, and I am surprised to find you
in attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary
of their fatuities, and I have taken the liberty to
order your chaise.
PHOEBE. It is indeed a liberty.
BLADES. An outrage.
PHOEBE. I prefer to remain.
VALENTINE. Nay.
PHOEBE. I promised this dance to Ensign Blades.
SPICER. To me, ma’am.
PHOEBE. And the following one
to Lieutenant Spicer. Mr. Blades, your arm.
VALENTINE. I forbid any further dancing.
PHOEBE. Forbid. La!
BLADES. Sir, by what right-
VALENTINE. By a right which
I hope to make clear to Miss Livvy as soon as you
gentlemen have retired.
(PHOEBE sees that the declaration is coming.
She steels herself.)
PHOEBE. I am curious to know
what Captain Brown can have to say to me. In
a few minutes, Mr. Blades, Lieutenant Spicer, I shall
be at your service.
VALENTINE. I trust not.
PHOEBE. I give them my word.
(The young gentlemen retire, treading
air once more. BROWN surveys her rather
grimly.)
VALENTINE. You are an amazing
pretty girl, ma’am, but you are a shocking flirt.
PHOEBE. La!
VALENTINE. It has somewhat diverted
me to watch them go down before you. But I know
you have a kind heart, and that if there be a rapier
in your one hand there is a handkerchief in the other
ready to staunch their wounds.
PHOEBE. I have not observed that they bled much.
VALENTINE. The Blades and the like, no.
But one may, perhaps.
PHOEBE (obviously the reference
is to himself). Perhaps I may wish to see
him bleed.
VALENTINE (grown stern).
For shame, Miss Livvy. (Anger rises in her, but
she wishes him to proceed.) I speak, ma’am,
in the interests of the man to whom I hope to see
you affianced.
(No, she does not wish him to proceed.
She had esteemed him for so long, she cannot have
him debase himself before her now.)
PHOEBE. Shall we-I
have changed my mind, I consent to go home. Please
to say nothing.
VALENTINE. Nay-
PHOEBE. I beg you.
VALENTINE. No. We must have it out.
PHOEBE. Then if you must go
on, do so. But remember I begged you to desist.
Who is this happy man?
(His next words are a great shock to her.)
VALENTINE. As to who he is,
ma’am, of course I have no notion. Nor,
I am sure, have you, else you would be more guarded
in your conduct. But some day, Miss Livvy, the
right man will come. Not to be able to tell
him all, would it not be hard? And how could
you acquaint him with this poor sport? His face
would change, ma’am, as you told him of it,
and yours would be a false face until it was told.
This is what I have been so desirous to say to you-by
the right of a friend.
PHOEBE (in a low voice but bravely).
I see.
VALENTINE (afraid that he has hurt
her). It has been hard to say and I have
done it bunglingly. Ah, but believe me, Miss
Livvy, it is not the flaunting flower men love; it
is the modest violet.
PHOEBE. The modest violet! You dare
to say that.
VALENTINE. Yes, indeed, and
when you are acquaint with what love really is-
PHOEBE. Love! What do you know of love?
VALENTINE (a little complacently). Why,
ma’am, I know all about it.
I am in love, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (with a disdainful inclination of the head).
I wish you happy.
VALENTINE. With a lady who was once very like
you, ma’am.
(At first PHOEBE does not
understand, then a suspicion of his meaning comes
to her.)
PHOEBE. Not-not-oh no.
VALENTINE. I had not meant to
speak of it, but why should not I? It will be
a fine lesson to you, Miss Livvy. Ma’am,
it is your Aunt Phoebe whom I love.
PHOEBE (rigid). You do not mean that.
VALENTINE. Most ardently.
PHOEBE. It is not true; how dare you make sport
of her.
VALENTINE. Is it sport to wish she may be my
wife?
PHOEBE. Your wife!
VALENTINE. If I could win her.
PHOEBE (bewildered).
May I solicit, sir, for how long you have been attached
to Miss Phoebe?
VALENTINE. For nine years, I think.
PHOEBE. You think!
VALENTINE. I want to be honest.
Never in all that time had I thought myself in love.
Your aunts were my dear friends, and while I was at
the wars we sometimes wrote to each other, but they
were only friendly letters. I presume the affection
was too placid to be love.
PHOEBE. I think that would be Aunt Phoebe’s
opinion.
VALENTINE. Yet I remember, before
we went into action for the first time-I
suppose the fear of death was upon me-some
of them were making their wills-I have
no near relative-I left everything to these
two ladies.
PHOEBE (softly). Did you?
(What is it that MISS PHOEBE
begins to see as she sits there so quietly, with
her hands pressed together as if upon some treasure?
It is PHOEBE of the ringlets with the stain
taken out of her.)
VALENTINE. And when I returned
a week ago and saw Miss Phoebe, grown so tired-looking
and so poor-
PHOEBE. The shock made you feel old, I know.
VALENTINE. No, Miss Livvy, but
it filled me with a sudden passionate regret that
I had not gone down in that first engagement.
They would have been very comfortably left.
PHOEBE. Oh, sir!
VALENTINE. I am not calling it love.
PHOEBE. It was sweet and kind, but it was not
love.
VALENTINE. It is love now.
PHOEBE. No, it is only pity.
VALENTINE. It is love.
PHOEBE (she smiles tremulously).
You really mean Phoebe-tired, unattractive
Phoebe, that woman whose girlhood is gone. Nay,
impossible.
VALENTINE (stoutly).
Phoebe of the fascinating playful ways, whose ringlets
were once as pretty as yours, ma’am. I
have visited her in her home several times this week-you
were always out-I thank you for that!
I was alone with her, and with fragrant memories of
her.
PHOEBE. Memories! Yes,
that is the Phoebe you love, the bright girl of the
past-not the schoolmistress in her old-maid’s
cap.
VALENTINE. There you wrong me,
for I have discovered for myself that the schoolmistress
in her old-maid’s cap is the noblest Miss Phoebe
of them all. (If only he would go away, and let
MISS PHOEBE cry.) When I enlisted, I remember
I compared her to a garden. I have often thought
of that.
PHOEBE. ’Tis an old garden now.
VALENTINE. The paths, ma’am, are better
shaded.
PHOEBE. The flowers have grown old-fashioned.
VALENTINE. They smell the sweeter.
Miss Livvy, do you think there is any hope for me?
PHOEBE. There was a man whom
Miss Phoebe loved-long ago. He did
not love her.
VALENTINE. Now here was a fool!
PHOEBE. He kissed her once.
VALENTINE. If Miss Phoebe suffered
him to do that she thought he loved her.
PHOEBE. Yes, yes. (She has
to ask him the ten years old question.) Do you
opinion that this makes her action in allowing it less
reprehensible? It has been such a pain to her
ever since.
VALENTINE. How like Miss Phoebe!
(Sternly.) But that man was a knave.
PHOEBE. No, he was a good man-only
a little-inconsiderate. She knows
now that he has even forgotten that he did it.
I suppose men are like that?
VALENTINE. No, Miss Livvy, men
are not like that. I am a very average man,
but I thank God I am not like that.
PHOEBE. It was you.
VALENTINE (after a pause). Did Miss Phoebe
say that?
PHOEBE. Yes.
VALENTINE. Then it is true.
(He is very grave and quiet.)
PHOEBE. It was raining and her
face was wet. You said you did it because her
face was wet.
VALENTINE. I had quite forgotten.
PHOEBE. But she remembers, and
how often do you think the shameful memory has made
her face wet since? The face you love, Captain
Brown, you were the first to give it pain. The
tired eyes-how much less tired they might
be if they had never known you. You who are torturing
me with every word, what have you done to Miss Phoebe?
You who think you can bring back the bloom to that
faded garden, and all the pretty airs and graces that
fluttered round it once like little birds before the
nest is torn down-bring them back to her
if you can, sir; it was you who took them away.
VALENTINE. I vow I shall do
my best to bring them back. (MISS PHOEBE shakes
her head.) Miss Livvy, with your help-
PHOEBE. My help! I have
not helped. I tried to spoil it all.
VALENTINE (smiling).
To spoil it? You mean that you sought to flirt
even with me. Ah, I knew you did. But that
is nothing.
PHOEBE. Oh, sir, if you could overlook it.
VALENTINE. I do.
PHOEBE. And forget these hateful balls.
VALENTINE. Hateful! Nay,
I shall never call them that. They have done
me too great a service. It was at the balls that
I fell in love with Miss Phoebe.
PHOEBE. What can you mean?
VALENTINE. She who was never
at a ball! (Checking himself humorously.)
But I must not tell you, it might hurt you.
PHOEBE. Tell me.
VALENTINE (gaily). Then
on your own head be the blame. It is you who
have made me love her, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE. Sir?
VALENTINE. Yes, it is odd, and
yet very simple. You who so resembled her as
she was! for an hour, ma’am, you bewitched me;
yes, I confess it, but ’twas only for an hour.
How like, I cried at first, but soon it was, how
unlike. There was almost nothing she would have
said that you said; you did so much that she would
have scorned to do. But I must not say these
things to you!
PHOEBE. I ask it of you, Captain Brown.
VALENTINE. Well! Miss
Phoebe’s ‘lady-likeness,’ on which
she set such store that I used to make merry of the
word-I gradually perceived that it is a
woman’s most beautiful garment, and the casket
which contains all the adorable qualities that go
to the making of a perfect female. When Miss
Livvy rolled her eyes-ah!
(He stops apologetically.)
PHOEBE. Proceed, sir.
VALENTINE. It but made me the
more complacent that never in her life had Miss Phoebe
been guilty of the slightest deviation from the strictest
propriety. (She shudders.) I was always conceiving
her in your place. Oh, it was monstrous unfair
to you. I stood looking at you, Miss Livvy,
and seeing in my mind her and the pretty things she
did, and you did not do; why, ma’am, that is
how I fell in love with Miss Phoebe at the balls.
PHOEBE. I thank you.
VALENTINE. Ma’am, tell me, do you think
there is any hope for me?
PHOEBE. Hope!
VALENTINE. I shall go to her.
‘Miss Phoebe,’ I will say-oh,
ma’am, so reverently-’Miss
Phoebe, my beautiful, most estimable of women, let
me take care of you for ever more.’
(MISS PHOEBE presses the words to her heart and
then drops them.)
PHOEBE. Beautiful. La, Aunt Phoebe!
VALENTINE. Ah, ma’am,
you may laugh at a rough soldier so much enamoured,
but ’tis true. ‘Marry me, Miss Phoebe,’
I will say, ’and I will take you back through
those years of hardships that have made your sweet
eyes too patient. Instead of growing older you
shall grow younger. We will travel back together
to pick up the many little joys and pleasures you
had to pass by when you trod that thorny path alone.’
PHOEBE. Can’t be-can’t
be.
VALENTINE. Nay, Miss Phoebe has loved me.
’Tis you have said it.
PHOEBE. I did not mean to tell you.
VALENTINE. She will be my wife yet.
PHOEBE. Never.
VALENTINE. You are severe, Miss
Livvy. But it is because you are partial to
her, and I am happy of that.
PHOEBE (in growing horror of herself).
I partial to her! I am laughing at both of
you. Miss Phoebe. La, that old thing.
VALENTINE (sternly). Silence!
PHOEBE. I hate her and despise her. If
you knew what she is-
(He stops her with a gesture.)
VALENTINE. I know what you are.
PHOEBE. That paragon who has
never been guilty of the slightest deviation from
the strictest propriety.
VALENTINE. Never.
PHOEBE. That garden-
VALENTINE. Miss Livvy, for shame.
PHOEBE. Your garden has been
destroyed, sir; the weeds have entered it, and all
the flowers are choked.
VALENTINE. You false woman, what do you mean?
PHOEBE. I will tell you. (But
his confidence awes her.) What faith you have
in her.
VALENTINE. As in my God. Speak.
PHOEBE. I cannot tell you.
VALENTINE. No, you cannot.
PHOEBE. It is too horrible.
VALENTINE. You are too horrible. Is not
that it?
PHOEBE. Yes, that is it.
(MISS SUSAN has entered and caught the last words.)
MISS SUSAN (shrinking as from a coming blow).
What is too horrible?
VALENTINE. Ma’am, I leave
the telling of it to her, if she dare. And I
devoutly hope those are the last words I shall ever
address to this lady.
(He bows and goes out in dudgeon.
MISS SUSAN believes all is discovered and that
MISS PHOEBE is for ever shamed.)
MISS SUSAN (taking PHOEBE in
her arms). My love, my dear, what terrible
thing has he said to you?
PHOEBE (forgetting everything but
that she is loved). Not terrible-glorious!
Susan, ’tis Phoebe he loves, ’tis me,
not Livvy! He loves me, he loves me! Me-Phoebe!
(MISS SUSAN’S bosom swells.
It is her great hour as much as PHOEBE’S.)