It was because she had broken with
Billy that Loretta had come visiting to Santa Clara.
Billy could not understand. His sister had reported
that he had walked the floor and cried all night.
Loretta had not slept all night either, while she
had wept most of the night. Daisy knew this,
because it was in her arms that the weeping had been
done. And Daisy’s husband, Captain Kitt,
knew, too. The tears of Loretta, and the comforting
by Daisy, had lost him some sleep.
Now Captain Kitt did not like to lose
sleep. Neither did he want Loretta to marry Billy nor
anybody else. It was Captain Kitt’s belief
that Daisy needed the help of her younger sister in
the household. But he did not say this aloud.
Instead, he always insisted that Loretta was too young
to think of marriage. So it was Captain Kitt’s
idea that Loretta should be packed off on a visit
to Mrs. Hemingway. There wouldn’t be any
Billy there.
Before Loretta had been at Santa Clara
a week, she was convinced that Captain Kitt’s
idea was a good one. In the first place, though
Billy wouldn’t believe it, she did not want
to marry Billy. And in the second place, though
Captain Kitt wouldn’t believe it, she did not
want to leave Daisy. By the time Loretta had
been at Santa Clara two weeks, she was absolutely
certain that she did not want to marry Billy.
But she was not so sure about not wanting to leave
Daisy. Not that she loved Daisy less, but that
she had doubts.
The day of Loretta’s arrival,
a nebulous plan began shaping itself in Mrs. Hemingway’s
brain. The second day she remarked to Jack Hemingway,
her husband, that Loretta was so innocent a young thing
that were it not for her sweet guilelessness she would
be positively stupid. In proof of which, Mrs.
Hemingway told her husband several things that made
him chuckle. By the third day Mrs. Hemingway’s
plan had taken recognizable form. Then it was
that she composed a letter. On the envelope she
wrote: “Mr. Edward Bashford, Athenian Club,
San Francisco.”
“Dear Ned,” the letter
began. She had once been violently loved by him
for three weeks in her pre-marital days. But she
had covenanted herself to Jack Hemingway, who had
prior claims, and her heart as well; and Ned Bashford
had philosophically not broken his heart over it.
He merely added the experience to a large fund of
similarly collected data out of which he manufactured
philosophy. Artistically and temperamentally he
was a Greek a tired Greek. He was fond
of quoting from Nietzsche, in token that he, too,
had passed through the long sickness that follows
upon the ardent search for truth; that he too had emerged,
too experienced, too shrewd, too profound, ever again
to be afflicted by the madness of youths in their
love of truth. “‘To worship appearance,’”
he often quoted; “’to believe in forms,
in tones, in words, in the whole Olympus of appearance!’”
This particular excerpt he always concluded with,
“‘Those Greeks were superficial out
of profundity!’”
He was a fairly young Greek, jaded
and worn. Women were faithless and unveracious,
he held at such times that he had relapses
and descended to pessimism from his wonted high philosophical
calm. He did not believe in the truth of women;
but, faithful to his German master, he did not strip
from them the airy gauzes that veiled their untruth.
He was content to accept them as appearances and to
make the best of it. He was superficial out
of profundity.
“Jack says to be sure to say
to you, ‘good swimming,’” Mrs. Hemingway
wrote in her letter; “and also ‘to bring
your fishing duds along.’” Mrs. Hemingway
wrote other things in the letter. She told him
that at last she was prepared to exhibit to him an
absolutely true, unsullied, and innocent woman.
“A more guileless, immaculate bud of womanhood
never blushed on the planet,” was one of the
several ways in which she phrased the inducement.
And to her husband she said triumphantly, “If
I don’t marry Ned off this time ”
leaving unstated the terrible alternative that she
lacked either vocabulary to express or imagination
to conceive.
Contrary to all her forebodings, Loretta
found that she was not unhappy at Santa Clara.
Truly, Billy wrote to her every day, but his letters
were less distressing than his presence. Also,
the ordeal of being away from Daisy was not so severe
as she had expected. For the first time in her
life she was not lost in eclipse in the blaze of Daisy’s
brilliant and mature personality. Under such
favourable circumstances Loretta came rapidly to the
front, while Mrs. Hemingway modestly and shamelessly
retreated into the background.
Loretta began to discover that she
was not a pale orb shining by reflection. Quite
unconsciously she became a small centre of things.
When she was at the piano, there was some one to turn
the pages for her and to express preferences for certain
songs. When she dropped her handkerchief, there
was some one to pick it up. And there was some
one to accompany her in ramblings and flower gatherings.
Also, she learned to cast flies in still pools and
below savage riffles, and how not to entangle silk
lines and gut-leaders with the shrubbery.
Jack Hemingway did not care to teach
beginners, and fished much by himself, or not at all,
thus giving Ned Bashford ample time in which to consider
Loretta as an appearance. As such, she was all
that his philosophy demanded. Her blue eyes had
the direct gaze of a boy, and out of his profundity
he delighted in them and forbore to shudder at the
duplicity his philosophy bade him to believe lurked
in their depths. She had the grace of a slender
flower, the fragility of colour and line of fine china,
in all of which he pleasured greatly, without thought
of the Life Force palpitating beneath and in spite
of Bernard Shaw in whom he believed.
Loretta burgeoned. She swiftly
developed personality. She discovered a will
of her own and wishes of her own that were not everlastingly
entwined with the will and the wishes of Daisy.
She was petted by Jack Hemingway, spoiled by Alice
Hemingway, and devotedly attended by Ned Bashford.
They encouraged her whims and laughed at her follies,
while she developed the pretty little tyrannies
that are latent in all pretty and delicate women.
Her environment acted as a soporific upon her ancient
desire always to live with Daisy. This desire
no longer prodded her as in the days of her companionship
with Billy. The more she saw of Billy, the more
certain she had been that she could not live away
from Daisy. The more she saw of Ned Bashford,
the more she forgot her pressing need of Daisy.
Ned Bashford likewise did some forgetting.
He confused superficiality with profundity, and entangled
appearance with reality until he accounted them one.
Loretta was different from other women. There
was no masquerade about her. She was real.
He said as much to Mrs. Hemingway, and more, who agreed
with him and at the same time caught her husband’s
eyelid drooping down for the moment in an unmistakable
wink.
It was at this time that Loretta received
a letter from Billy that was somewhat different from
his others. In the main, like all his letters,
it was pathological. It was a long recital of
symptoms and sufferings, his nervousness, his sleeplessness,
and the state of his heart. Then followed reproaches,
such as he had never made before. They were sharp
enough to make her weep, and true enough to put tragedy
into her face. This tragedy she carried down
to the breakfast table. It made Jack and Mrs.
Hemingway speculative, and it worried Ned. They
glanced to him for explanation, but he shook his head.
“I’ll find out to-night,”
Mrs. Hemingway said to her husband.
But Ned caught Loretta in the afternoon
in the big living-room. She tried to turn away.
He caught her hands, and she faced him with wet lashes
and trembling lips. He looked at her, silently
and kindly. The lashes grew wetter.
“There, there, don’t cry,
little one,” he said soothingly.
He put his arm protectingly around
her shoulder. And to his shoulder, like a tired
child, she turned her face. He thrilled in ways
unusual for a Greek who has recovered from the long
sickness.
“Oh, Ned,” she sobbed
on his shoulder, “if you only knew how wicked
I am!”
He smiled indulgently, and breathed
in a great breath freighted with the fragrance of
her hair. He thought of his world-experience of
women, and drew another long breath. There seemed
to emanate from her the perfect sweetness of a child “the
aura of a white soul,” was the way he phrased
it to himself.
Then he noticed that her sobs were increasing.
“What’s the matter, little
one?” he asked pettingly and almost paternally.
“Has Jack been bullying you? Or has your
dearly beloved sister failed to write?”
She did not answer, and he felt that
he really must kiss her hair, that he could not be
responsible if the situation continued much longer.
“Tell me,” he said gently, “and
we’ll see what I can do.”
“I can’t. You will despise me. Oh,
Ned, I am so ashamed!”
He laughed incredulously, and lightly
touched her hair with his lips so lightly
that she did not know.
“Dear little one, let us forget
all about it, whatever it is. I want to tell
you how I love ”
She uttered a sharp cry that was all
delight, and then moaned
“Too late!”
“Too late?” he echoed in surprise.
“Oh, why did I? Why did I?” she was
moaning.
He was aware of a swift chill at his heart.
“What?” he asked.
“Oh, I... he... Billy.
“I am such a wicked woman, Ned.
I know you will never speak to me again.”
“This er this Billy,”
he began haltingly. “He is your brother?”
“No... he... I didn’t
know. I was so young. I could not help it.
Oh, I shall go mad! I shall go mad!”
It was then that Loretta felt his
shoulder and the encircling arm become limp.
He drew away from her gently, and gently he deposited
her in a big chair, where she buried her face and
sobbed afresh. He twisted his moustache fiercely,
then drew up another chair and sat down.
“I I do not understand,” he
said.
“I am so unhappy,” she wailed.
“Why unhappy?”
“Because... he... he wants me to marry him.”
His face cleared on the instant, and
he placed a hand soothingly on hers.
“That should not make any girl
unhappy,” he remarked sagely. “Because
you don’t love him is no reason of
course, you don’t love him?”
Loretta shook her head and shoulders in a vigorous
negative.
“What?”
Bashford wanted to make sure.
“No,” she asserted explosively.
“I don’t love Billy! I don’t
want to love Billy!”
“Because you don’t love
him,” Bashford resumed with confidence, “is
no reason that you should be unhappy just because
he has proposed to you.”
She sobbed again, and from the midst of her sobs she
cried
“That’s the trouble. I wish I did
love him. Oh, I wish I were dead!”
“Now, my dear child, you are
worrying yourself over trifles.” His other
hand crossed over after its mate and rested on hers.
“Women do it every day. Because you have
changed your mind or did not know your mind, because
you have to use an unnecessarily harsh word jilted
a man ”
“Jilted!” She had raised
her head and was looking at him with tear-dimmed eyes.
“Oh, Ned, if that were all!”
“All?” he asked in a hollow
voice, while his hands slowly retreated from hers.
He was about to speak further, then remained silent.
“But I don’t want to marry
him,” Loretta broke forth protestingly.
“Then I shouldn’t,” he counselled.
“But I ought to marry him.”
“Ought to marry him?”
She nodded.
“That is a strong word.”
“I know it is,” she acquiesced,
while she strove to control her trembling lips.
Then she spoke more calmly. “I am a wicked
woman, a terribly wicked woman. No one knows
how wicked I am except Billy.”
There was a pause. Ned Bashford’s
face was grave, and he looked queerly at Loretta.
“He Billy knows?” he asked
finally.
A reluctant nod and flaming cheeks was the reply.
He debated with himself for a while,
seeming, like a diver, to be preparing himself for
the plunge.
“Tell me about it.” He spoke very
firmly. “You must tell me all of it.”
“And will you ever forgive
me?” she asked in a faint, small voice.
He hesitated, drew a long breath, and made the plunge.
“Yes,” he said desperately. “I’ll
forgive you. Go ahead.”
“There was no one to tell me,”
she began. “We were with each other so
much. I did not know anything of the world then.”
She paused to meditate. Bashford was biting his
lip impatiently.
“If I had only known ”
She paused again.
“Yes, go on,” he urged.
“We were together almost every evening.”
“Billy?” he demanded, with a savageness
that startled her.
“Yes, of course, Billy.
We were with each other so much... If I had only
known... There was no one to tell me... I
was so young ”
Her lips parted as though to speak
further, and she regarded him anxiously.
“The scoundrel!”
With the explosion Ned Bashford was
on his feet, no longer a tired Greek, but a violently
angry young man.
“Billy is not a scoundrel; he
is a good man,” Loretta defended, with a firmness
that surprised Bashford.
“I suppose you’ll be telling
me next that it was all your fault,” he said
sarcastically.
She nodded.
“What?” he shouted.
“It was all my fault,”
she said steadily. “I should never have
let him. I was to blame.”
Bashford ceased from his pacing up
and down, and when he spoke, his voice was resigned.
“All right,” he said.
“I don’t blame you in the least, Loretta.
And you have been very honest. But Billy is right,
and you are wrong. You must get married.”
“To Billy?” she asked, in a dim, far-away
voice.
“Yes, to Billy. I’ll see to it.
Where does he live? I’ll make him.”
“But I don’t want to marry
Billy!” she cried out in alarm. “Oh,
Ned, you won’t do that?”
“I shall,” he answered
sternly. “You must. And Billy must.
Do you understand?”
Loretta buried her face in the cushioned
chair back, and broke into a passionate storm of sobs.
All that Bashford could make out at
first, as he listened, was: “But I don’t
want to leave Daisy! I don’t want to leave
Daisy!”
He paced grimly back and forth, then
stopped curiously to listen.
“How was I to know? Boo hoo,”
Loretta was crying. “He didn’t tell
me. Nobody else ever kissed me. I never
dreamed a kiss could be so terrible... until, boo-hoo...
until he wrote to me. I only got the letter this
morning.”
His face brightened. It seemed
as though light was dawning on him.
“Is that what you’re crying about?”
“N no.”
His heart sank.
“Then what are you crying about?” he asked
in a hopeless voice.
“Because you said I had to marry
Billy. And I don’t want to marry Billy.
I don’t want to leave Daisy. I don’t
know what I want. I wish I were dead.”
He nerved himself for another effort.
“Now look here, Loretta, be
sensible. What is this about kisses. You
haven’t told me everything?”
“I I don’t want to tell you
everything.”
She looked at him beseechingly in the silence that
fell.
“Must I?” she quavered finally.
“You must,” he said imperatively.
“You must tell me everything.”
“Well, then... must I?”
“You must.”
“He... I... we...”
she began flounderingly. Then blurted out, “I
let him, and he kissed me.”
“Go on,” Bashford commanded desperately.
“That’s all,” she answered.
“All?” There was a vast incredulity in
his voice.
“All?” In her voice was an interrogation
no less vast.
“I mean er nothing
worse?” He was overwhelmingly aware of his own
awkwardness.
“Worse?” She was frankly
puzzled. “As though there could be!
Billy said ”
“When did he say it?” Bashford demanded
abruptly.
“In his letter I got this morning.
Billy said that my... our... our kisses were terrible
if we didn’t get married.”
Bashford’s head was swimming.
“What else did Billy say?” he asked.
“He said that when a woman allowed
a man to kiss her, she always married him that
it was terrible if she didn’t. It was the
custom, he said; and I say it is a bad, wicked custom,
and I don’t like it. I know I’m terrible,”
she added defiantly, “but I can’t help
it.”
Bashford absent-mindedly brought out a cigarette.
“Do you mind if I smoke?” he asked, as
he struck a match.
Then he came to himself.
“I beg your pardon,” he
cried, flinging away match and cigarette. “I
don’t want to smoke. I didn’t mean
that at all. What I mean is ”
He bent over Loretta, caught her hands
in his, then sat on the arm of the chair and softly
put one arm around her.
“Loretta, I am a fool.
I mean it. And I mean something more. I want
you to be my wife.”
He waited anxiously in the pause that followed.
“You might answer me,” he urged.
“I will... if ”
“Yes, go on. If what?”
“If I don’t have to marry Billy.”
“You can’t marry both of us,” he
almost shouted.
“And it isn’t the custom... what... what
Billy said?”
“No, it isn’t the custom. Now, Loretta,
will you marry me?”
“Don’t be angry with me,” she pouted
demurely.
He gathered her into his arms and kissed her.
“I wish it were the custom,”
she said in a faint voice, from the midst of the embrace,
“because then I’d have to marry you, Ned
dear... wouldn’t I?”