In the morning calm of Korea, when
its peace and tranquillity truly merited its ancient
name, “Cho-sen,” there lived a politician
by name Yi Chin Ho. He was a man of parts, and who
shall say? perhaps in no wise worse than
politicians the world over. But, unlike his brethren
in other lands, Yi Chin Ho was in jail. Not that
he had inadvertently diverted to himself public moneys,
but that he had inadvertently diverted too much.
Excess is to be deplored in all things, even in grafting,
and Yi Chin Ho’s excess had brought him to most
deplorable straits.
Ten thousand strings of cash he owed
the Government, and he lay in prison under sentence
of death. There was one advantage to the situation he
had plenty of time in which to think. And he thought
well. Then called he the jailer to him.
“Most worthy man, you see before
you one most wretched,” he began. “Yet
all will be well with me if you will but let me go
free for one short hour this night. And all will
be well with you, for I shall see to your advancement
through the years, and you shall come at length to
the directorship of all the prisons of Cho-sen.”
“How now?” demanded the
jailer. “What foolishness is this?
One short hour, and you but waiting for your head
to be chopped off! And I, with an aged and much-to-be-respected
mother, not to say anything of a wife and several
children of tender years! Out upon you for the
scoundrel that you are!”
“From the Sacred City to the
ends of all the Eight Coasts there is no place for
me to hide,” Yi Chin Ho made reply. “I
am a man of wisdom, but of what worth my wisdom here
in prison? Were I free, well I know I could seek
out and obtain the money wherewith to repay the Government.
I know of a nose that will save me from all my difficulties.”
“A nose!” cried the jailer.
“A nose,” said Yi Chin
Ho. “A remarkable nose, if I may say so,
a most remarkable nose.”
The jailer threw up his hands despairingly.
“Ah, what a wag you are, what a wag,”
he laughed. “To think that that very admirable
wit of yours must go the way of the chopping-block!”
And so saying, he turned and went
away. But in the end, being a man soft of head
and heart, when the night was well along he permitted
Yi Chin Ho to go.
Straight he went to the Governor,
catching him alone and arousing him from his sleep.
“Yi Chin Ho, or I’m no
Governor!” cried the Governor. “What
do you here who should be in prison waiting on the
chopping-block?”
“I pray Your Excellency to listen
to me,” said Yi Chin Ho, squatting on his hams
by the bedside and lighting his pipe from the fire-box.
“A dead man is without value. It is true,
I am as a dead man, without value to the Government,
to Your Excellency, or to myself. But if, so to
say, Your Excellency were to give me my freedom ”
“Impossible!” cried the
Governor. “Beside, you are condemned to
death.”
“Your Excellency well knows
that if I can repay the ten thousand strings of cash,
the Government will pardon me,” Yi Chin Ho went
on. “So, as I say, if Your Excellency were
to give me my freedom for a few days, being a man
of understanding, I should then repay the Government
and be in position to be of service to Your Excellency.
I should be in position to be of very great service
to Your Excellency.”
“Have you a plan whereby you
hope to obtain this money?” asked the Governor.
“I have,” said Yi Chin Ho.
“Then come with it to me to-morrow
night; I would now sleep,” said the Governor,
taking up his snore where it had been interrupted.
On the following night, having again
obtained leave of absence from the jailer, Yi Chin
Ho presented himself at the Governor’s bedside.
“Is it you, Yi Chin Ho?”
asked the Governor. “And have you the plan?”
“It is I, Your Excellency,”
answered Yi Chin Ho, “and the plan is here.”
“Speak,” commanded the Governor.
“The plan is here,” repeated Yi Chin Ho,
“here in my hand.”
The Governor sat up and opened his
eyes. Yi Chin Ho proffered in his hand a sheet
of paper. The Governor held it to the light.
“Nothing but a nose,” said he.
“A bit pinched, so, and so, Your Excellency,”
said Yi Chin Ho.
“Yes, a bit pinched here and there, as you say,”
said the Governor.
“Withal it is an exceeding corpulent
nose, thus, and so, all in one place, at the end,”
proceeded Yi Chin Ho. “Your Excellency would
seek far and wide and many a day for that nose and
find it not!”
“An unusual nose,” admitted the Governor.
“There is a wart upon it,” said Yi Chin
Ho.
“A most unusual nose,”
said the Governor. “Never have I seen the
like. But what do you with this nose, Yi Chin
Ho?”
“I seek it whereby to repay
the money to the Government,” said Yi Chin Ho.
“I seek it to be of service to Your Excellency,
and I seek it to save my own worthless head.
Further, I seek Your Excellency’s seal upon
this picture of the nose.”
And the Governor laughed and affixed
the seal of State, and Yi Chin Ho departed. For
a month and a day he travelled the King’s Road
which leads to the shore of the Eastern Sea; and there,
one night, at the gate of the largest mansion of a
wealthy city he knocked loudly for admittance.
“None other than the master
of the house will I see,” said he fiercely to
the frightened servants. “I travel upon
the King’s business.”
Straightway was he led to an inner
room, where the master of the house was roused from
his sleep and brought blinking before him.
“You are Pak Chung Chang, head
man of this city,” said Yi Chin Ho in tones
that were all-accusing. “I am upon the King’s
business.”
Pak Chung Chang trembled. Well
he knew the King’s business was ever a terrible
business. His knees smote together, and he near
fell to the floor.
“The hour is late,” he quavered.
“Were it not well to ”
“The King’s business never
waits!” thundered Yi Chin Ho. “Come
apart with me, and swiftly. I have an affair
of moment to discuss with you.
“It is the King’s affair,”
he added with even greater fierceness; so that Pak
Chung Chang’s silver pipe dropped from his nerveless
fingers and clattered on the floor.
“Know then,” said Yi Chin
Ho, when they had gone apart, “that the King
is troubled with an affliction, a very terrible affliction.
In that he failed to cure, the Court physician has
had nothing else than his head chopped off. From
all the Eight Provinces have the physicians come to
wait upon the King. Wise consultation have they
held, and they have decided that for a remedy for
the King’s affliction nothing else is required
than a nose, a certain kind of nose, a very peculiar
certain kind of nose.
“Then by none other was I summoned
than His Excellency the Prime Minister himself.
He put a paper into my hand. Upon this paper was
the very peculiar kind of nose drawn by the physicians
of the Eight Provinces, with the seal of State upon
it.
“‘Go,’ said His
Excellency the Prime Minister. ’Seek out
this nose, for the King’s affliction is sore.
And wheresoever you find this nose upon the face of
a man, strike it off forthright and bring it in all
haste to the Court, for the King must be cured.
Go, and come not back until your search is rewarded.’
“And so I departed upon my quest,”
said Yi Chin Ho. “I have sought out the
remotest corners of the kingdom; I have travelled the
Eight Highways, searched the Eight Provinces, and
sailed the seas of the Eight Coasts. And here
I am.”
With a great flourish he drew a paper
from his girdle, unrolled it with many snappings and
cracklings, and thrust it before the face of Pak Chung
Chang. Upon the paper was the picture of the nose.
Pak Chung Chang stared upon it with bulging eyes.
“Never have I beheld such a nose,” he
began.
“There is a wart upon it,” said Yi Chin
Ho.
“Never have I beheld ” Pak
Chung Chang began again.
“Bring your father before me,” Yi Chin
Ho interrupted sternly.
“My ancient and very-much-to-be-respected
ancestor sleeps,” said Pak Chung Chang.
“Why dissemble?” demanded
Yi Chin Ho. “You know it is your father’s
nose. Bring him before me that I may strike it
off and be gone. Hurry, lest I make bad report
of you.”
“Mercy!” cried Pak Chung
Chang, falling on his knees. “It is impossible!
It is impossible! You cannot strike off my father’s
nose. He cannot go down without his nose to the
grave. He will become a laughter and a byword,
and all my days and nights will be filled with woe.
O reflect! Report that you have seen no such
nose in your travels. You, too, have a father.”
Pak Chung Chang clasped Yi Chin Ho’s
knees and fell to weeping on his sandals.
“My heart softens strangely
at your tears,” said Yi Chin Ho. “I,
too, know filial piety and regard. But ”
He hesitated, then added, as though thinking aloud,
“It is as much as my head is worth.”
“How much is your head worth?”
asked Pak Chung Chang in a thin, small voice.
“A not remarkable head,”
said Yi Chin Ho. “An absurdly unremarkable
head; but, such is my great foolishness, I value it
at nothing less than one hundred thousand strings
of cash.”
“So be it,” said Pak Chung Chang, rising
to his feet.
“I shall need horses to carry
the treasure,” said Yi Chin Ho, “and men
to guard it well as I journey through the mountains.
There are robbers abroad in the land.”
“There are robbers abroad in
the land,” said Pak Chung Chang, sadly.
“But it shall be as you wish, so long as my ancient
and very-much-to-be-respected ancestor’s nose
abide in its appointed place.”
“Say nothing to any man of this
occurrence,” said Yi Chin Ho, “else will
other and more loyal servants than I be sent to strike
off your father’s nose.”
And so Yi Chin Ho departed on his
way through the mountains, blithe of heart and gay
of song as he listened to the jingling bells of his
treasure-laden ponies.
There is little more to tell.
Yi Chin Ho prospered through the years. By his
efforts the jailer attained at length to the directorship
of all the prisons of Cho-sen; the Governor ultimately
betook himself to the Sacred City to be Prime Minister
to the King, while Yi Chin Ho became the King’s
boon companion and sat at table with him to the end
of a round, fat life. But Pak Chung Chang fell
into a melancholy, and ever after he shook his head
sadly, with tears in his eyes, whenever he regarded
the expensive nose of his ancient and very-much-to-be-respected
ancestor.