Uncle Charles smoked such black twist
that at last his nephew suggested to him to enjoy
his morning smoke in a little outhouse at the end of
the garden.
Very good, Simon.
All serene, Simon, said the old man tranquilly.
Anywhere you like. The outhouse will do me nicely:
it will be more salubrious.
Damn me, said Mr Dedalus
frankly, if I know how you can smoke such villainous
awful tobacco. It’s like gunpowder, by God.
It’s very nice,
Simon, replied the old man. Very cool and mollifying.
Every morning, therefore, uncle Charles
repaired to his outhouse but not before he had greased
and brushed scrupulously his back hair and brushed
and put on his tall hat. While he smoked the brim
of his tall hat and the bowl of his pipe were just
visible beyond the jambs of the outhouse door.
His arbour, as he called the reeking outhouse which
he shared with the cat and the garden tools, served
him also as a sounding-box: and every morning
he hummed contentedly one of his favourite songs:
O, twine me A Bower or blue eyes
and golden hair or the Groves
of blarney while the grey and blue coils
of smoke rose slowly from his pipe and vanished in
the pure air.
During the first part of the summer
in Blackrock uncle Charles was Stephen’s constant
companion. Uncle Charles was a hale old man with
a well tanned skin, rugged features and white side
whiskers. On week days he did messages between
the house in Carysfort Avenue and those shops in the
main street of the town with which the family dealt.
Stephen was glad to go with him on these errands for
uncle Charles helped him very liberally to handfuls
of whatever was exposed in open boxes and barrels
outside the counter. He would seize a handful
of grapes and sawdust or three or four American apples
and thrust them generously into his grandnephew’s
hand while the shopman smiled uneasily; and, on Stephen’s
feigning reluctance to take them, he would frown and
say:
Take them, sir. Do
you hear me, sir? They’re good for your
bowels.
When the order list had been booked
the two would go on to the park where an old friend
of Stephen’s father, Mike Flynn, would be found
seated on a bench, waiting for them. Then would
begin Stephen’s run round the park. Mike
Flynn would stand at the gate near the railway station,
watch in hand, while Stephen ran round the track in
the style Mike Flynn favoured, his head high lifted,
his knees well lifted and his hands held straight
down by his sides. When the morning practice
was over the trainer would make his comments and sometimes
illustrate them by shuffling along for a yard or so
comically in an old pair of blue canvas shoes.
A small ring of wonderstruck children and nursemaids
would gather to watch him and linger even when he and
uncle Charles had sat down again and were talking
athletics and politics. Though he had heard his
father say that Mike Flynn had put some of the best
runners of modern times through his hands Stephen
often glanced at his trainer’s flabby stubble-covered
face, as it bent over the long stained fingers through
which he rolled his cigarette, and with pity at the
mild lustreless blue eyes which would look up suddenly
from the task and gaze vaguely into the blue distance
while the long swollen fingers ceased their rolling
and grains and fibres of tobacco fell back into the
pouch.
On the way home uncle Charles would
often pay a visit to the chapel and, as the font was
above Stephen’s reach, the old man would dip
his hand and then sprinkle the water briskly about
Stephen’s clothes and on the floor of the porch.
While he prayed he knelt on his red handkerchief and
read above his breath from a thumb blackened prayer
book wherein catchwords were printed at the foot of
every page. Stephen knelt at his side respecting,
though he did not share, his piety. He often
wondered what his grand-uncle prayed for so seriously.
Perhaps he prayed for the souls in purgatory or for
the grace of a happy death or perhaps he prayed that
God might send him back a part of the big fortune
he had squandered in Cork.
On Sundays Stephen with his father
and his grand-uncle took their constitutional.
The old man was a nimble walker in spite of his corns
and often ten or twelve miles of the road were covered.
The little village of Stillorgan was the parting of
the ways. Either they went to the left towards
the Dublin mountains or along the Goatstown road and
thence into Dundrum, coming home by Sandyford.
Trudging along the road or standing in some grimy
wayside public house his elders spoke constantly of
the subjects nearer their hearts, of Irish politics,
of Munster and of the legends of their own family,
to all of which Stephen lent an avid ear. Words
which he did not understand he said over and over
to himself till he had learnt them by heart: and
through them he had glimpses of the real world about
them. The hour when he too would take part in
the life of that world seemed drawing near and in secret
he began to make ready for the great part which he
felt awaited him the nature of which he only dimly
apprehended.
His evenings were his own; and he
pored over a ragged translation of the count
of Monte Cristo. The figure of
that dark avenger stood forth in his mind for whatever
he had heard or divined in childhood of the strange
and terrible. At night he built up on the parlour
table an image of the wonderful island cave out of
transfers and paper flowers and coloured tissue paper
and strips of the silver and golden paper in which
chocolate is wrapped. When he had broken up this
scenery, weary of its tinsel, there would come to
his mind the bright picture of Marseille, of sunny
trellises, and of Mercedes.
Outside Blackrock, on the road that
led to the mountains, stood a small whitewashed house
in the garden of which grew many rosebushes: and
in this house, he told himself, another Mercedes lived.
Both on the outward and on the homeward journey he
measured distance by this landmark: and in his
imagination he lived through a long train of adventures,
marvellous as those in the book itself, towards the
close of which there appeared an image of himself,
grown older and sadder, standing in a moonlit garden
with Mercedes who had so many years before slighted
his love, and with a sadly proud gesture of refusal,
saying:
Madam, I never eat muscatel grapes.
He became the ally of a boy named
Aubrey Mills and founded with him a gang of adventurers
in the avenue. Aubrey carried a whistle dangling
from his buttonhole and a bicycle lamp attached to
his belt while the others had short sticks thrust
daggerwise through theirs. Stephen, who had read
of Napoleon’s plain style of dress, chose to
remain unadorned and thereby heightened for himself
the pleasure of taking counsel with his lieutenant
before giving orders. The gang made forays into
the gardens of old maids or went down to the castle
and fought a battle on the shaggy weed-grown rocks,
coming home after it weary stragglers with the stale
odours of the foreshore in their nostrils and the rank
oils of the seawrack upon their hands and in their
hair.
Aubrey and Stephen had a common milkman
and often they drove out in the milk-car to Carrickmines
where the cows were at grass. While the men were
milking the boys would take turns in riding the tractable
mare round the field. But when autumn came the
cows were driven home from the grass: and the
first sight of the filthy cowyard at Stradbrook with
its foul green puddles and clots of liquid dung and
steaming bran troughs, sickened Stephen’s heart.
The cattle which had seemed so beautiful in the country
on sunny days revolted him and he could not even look
at the milk they yielded.
The coming of September did not trouble
him this year for he was not to be sent back to Clongowes.
The practice in the park came to an end when Mike
Flynn went into hospital. Aubrey was at school
and had only an hour or two free in the evening.
The gang fell asunder and there were no more nightly
forays or battles on the rocks. Stephen sometimes
went round with the car which delivered the evening
milk and these chilly drives blew away his memory
of the filth of the cowyard and he felt no repugnance
at seeing the cow hairs and hayseeds on the milkman’s
coat. Whenever the car drew up before a house
he waited to catch a glimpse of a well scrubbed kitchen
or of a softly lighted hall and to see how the servant
would hold the jug and how she would close the door.
He thought it should be a pleasant life enough, driving
along the roads every evening to deliver milk, if
he had warm gloves and a fat bag of gingernuts in
his pocket to eat from. But the same foreknowledge
which had sickened his heart and made his legs sag
suddenly as he raced round the park, the same intuition
which had made him glance with mistrust at his trainer’s
flabby stubble-covered face as it bent heavily over
his long stained fingers, dissipated any vision of
the future. In a vague way he understood that
his father was in trouble and that this was the reason
why he himself had not been sent back to Clongowes.
For some time he had felt the slight change in his
house; and those changes in what he had deemed unchangeable
were so many slight shocks to his boyish conception
of the world. The ambition which he felt astir
at times in the darkness of his soul sought no outlet.
A dusk like that of the outer world obscured his mind
as he heard the mare’s hoofs clattering along
the tramtrack on the Rock Road and the great can swaying
and rattling behind him.
He returned to Mercedes and, as he
brooded upon her image, a strange unrest crept into
his blood. Sometimes a fever gathered within him
and led him to rove alone in the evening along the
quiet avenue. The peace of the gardens and the
kindly lights in the windows poured a tender influence
into his restless heart. The noise of children
at play annoyed him and their silly voices made him
feel, even more keenly than he had felt at Clongowes,
that he was different from others. He did not
want to play. He wanted to meet in the real world
the unsubstantial image which his soul so constantly
beheld. He did not know where to seek it or how,
but a premonition which led him on told him that this
image would, without any overt act of his, encounter
him. They would meet quietly as if they had known
each other and had made their tryst, perhaps at one
of the gates or in some more secret place. They
would be alone, surrounded by darkness and silence:
and in that moment of supreme tenderness he would
be transfigured.
He would fade into something impalpable
under her eyes and then in a moment he would be transfigured.
Weakness and timidity and inexperience would fall
from him in that magic moment.
Two great yellow caravans had halted
one morning before the door and men had come tramping
into the house to dismantle it. The furniture
had been hustled out through the front garden which
was strewn with wisps of straw and rope ends and into
the huge vans at the gate. When all had been
safely stowed the vans had set off noisily down the
avenue: and from the window of the railway carriage,
in which he had sat with his red-eyed mother, Stephen
had seen them lumbering along the Merrion Road.
The parlour fire would not draw that
evening and Mr Dedalus rested the poker against the
bars of the grate to attract the flame. Uncle
Charles dozed in a corner of the half furnished uncarpeted
room and near him the family portraits leaned against
the wall. The lamp on the table shed a weak light
over the boarded floor, muddied by the feet of the
van-men. Stephen sat on a footstool beside his
father listening to a long and incoherent monologue.
He understood little or nothing of it at first but
he became slowly aware that his father had enemies
and that some fight was going to take place.
He felt, too, that he was being enlisted for the fight,
that some duty was being laid upon his shoulders.
The sudden flight from the comfort and revery of Blackrock,
the passage through the gloomy foggy city, the thought
of the bare cheerless house in which they were now
to live made his heart heavy, and again an intuition,
a foreknowledge of the future came to him. He
understood also why the servants had often whispered
together in the hall and why his father had often
stood on the hearthrug with his back to the fire,
talking loudly to uncle Charles who urged him to sit
down and eat his dinner.
There’s a crack
of the whip left in me yet, Stephen, old chap, said
Mr Dedalus, poking at the dull fire with fierce energy.
We’re not dead yet, sonny. No, by the Lord
Jesus (God forgive me) not half dead.
Dublin was a new and complex sensation.
Uncle Charles had grown so witless that he could no
longer be sent out on errands and the disorder in
settling in the new house left Stephen freer than he
had been in Blackrock. In the beginning he contented
himself with circling timidly round the neighbouring
square or, at most, going half way down one of the
side streets but when he had made a skeleton map of
the city in his mind he followed boldly one of its
central lines until he reached the customhouse.
He passed unchallenged among the docks and along the
quays wondering at the multitude of corks that lay
bobbing on the surface of the water in a thick yellow
scum, at the crowds of quay porters and the rumbling
carts and the ill-dressed bearded policeman. The
vastness and strangeness of the life suggested to
him by the bales of merchandise stocked along the
walls or swung aloft out of the holds of steamers
wakened again in him the unrest which had sent him
wandering in the evening from garden to garden in
search of Mercedes. And amid this new bustling
life he might have fancied himself in another Marseille
but that he missed the bright sky and the sum-warmed
trellises of the wineshops. A vague dissatisfaction
grew up within him as he looked on the quays and on
the river and on the lowering skies and yet he continued
to wander up and down day after day as if he really
sought someone that eluded him.
He went once or twice with his mother
to visit their relatives: and though they passed
a jovial array of shops lit up and adorned for Christmas
his mood of embittered silence did not leave him.
The causes of his embitterment were many, remote and
near. He was angry with himself for being young
and the prey of restless foolish impulses, angry also
with the change of fortune which was reshaping the
world about him into a vision of squalor and insincerity.
Yet his anger lent nothing to the vision. He
chronicled with patience what he saw, detaching himself
from it and tasting its mortifying flavour in secret.
He was sitting on the backless chair
in his aunt’s kitchen. A lamp with a reflector
hung on the japanned wall of the fireplace and by its
light his aunt was reading the evening paper that
lay on her knees. She looked a long time at a
smiling picture that was set in it and said musingly:
The beautiful Mabel Hunter!
A ringletted girl stood on tiptoe to peer at the picture
and said softly:
What is she in, mud?
In a pantomime, love.
The child leaned her ringletted head
against her mother’s sleeve, gazing on the picture,
and murmured as if fascinated:
The beautiful Mabel Hunter!
As if fascinated, her eyes rested
long upon those demurely taunting eyes and she murmured
devotedly:
Isn’t she an exquisite creature?
And the boy who came in from the street,
stamping crookedly under his stone of coal, heard
her words. He dropped his load promptly on the
floor and hurried to her side to see. He mauled
the edges of the paper with his reddened and blackened
hands, shouldering her aside and complaining that
he could not see.
He was sitting in the narrow breakfast
room high up in the old dark-windowed house.
The firelight flickered on the wall and beyond the
window a spectral dusk was gathering upon the river.
Before the fire an old woman was busy making tea and,
as she bustled at the task, she told in a low voice
of what the priest and the doctor had said. She
told too of certain changes they had seen in her of
late and of her odd ways and sayings. He sat
listening to the words and following the ways of adventure
that lay open in the coals, arches and vaults and winding
galleries and jagged caverns.
Suddenly he became aware of something
in the doorway. A skull appeared suspended in
the gloom of the doorway. A feeble creature like
a monkey was there, drawn thither by the sound of
voices at the fire. A whining voice came from
the door asking:
Is that Josephine?
The old bustling woman answered cheerily from the
fireplace:
No, Ellen, it’s Stephen.
O... O, good evening, Stephen.
He answered the greeting and saw a
silly smile break over the face in the doorway.
Do you want anything, Ellen? asked the
old woman at the fire.
But she did not answer the question and said:
I thought it was Josephine. I thought
you were Josephine, Stephen.
And, repeating this several times, she fell to laughing
feebly.
He was sitting in the midst of a children’s
party at Harold’s Cross. His silent watchful
manner had grown upon him and he took little part
in the games. The children, wearing the spoils
of their crackers, danced and romped noisily and,
though he tried to share their merriment, he felt
himself a gloomy figure amid the gay cocked hats and
sunbonnets.
But when he had sung his song and
withdrawn into a snug corner of the room he began
to taste the joy of his loneliness. The mirth,
which in the beginning of the evening had seemed to
him false and trivial, was like a soothing air to
him, passing gaily by his senses, hiding from other
eyes the feverish agitation of his blood while through
the circling of the dancers and amid the music and
laughter her glance travelled to his corner, flattering,
taunting, searching, exciting his heart.
In the hall the children who had stayed
latest were putting on their things: the party
was over. She had thrown a shawl about her and,
as they went together towards the tram, sprays of
her fresh warm breath flew gaily above her cowled
head and her shoes tapped blithely on the glassy road.
It was the last tram. The lank
brown horses knew it and shook their bells to the
clear night in admonition. The conductor talked
with the driver, both nodding often in the green light
of the lamp. On the empty seats of the tram were
scattered a few coloured tickets. No sound of
footsteps came up or down the road. No sound broke
the peace of the night save when the lank brown horses
rubbed their noses together and shook their bells.
They seemed to listen, he on the upper
step and she on the lower. She came up to his
step many times and went down to hers again between
their phrases and once or twice stood close beside
him for some moments on the upper step, forgetting
to go down, and then went down. His heart danced
upon her movements like a cork upon a tide. He
heard what her eyes said to him from beneath their
cowl and knew that in some dim past, whether in life
or revery, he had heard their tale before. He
saw her urge her vanities, her fine dress and sash
and long black stockings, and knew that he had yielded
to them a thousand times. Yet a voice within
him spoke above the noise of his dancing heart, asking
him would he take her gift to which he had only to
stretch out his hand. And he remembered the day
when he and Eileen had stood looking into the hotel
grounds, watching the waiters running up a trail of
bunting on the flagstaff and the fox terrier scampering
to and fro on the sunny lawn and how, all of a sudden,
she had broken out into a peal of laughter and had
run down the sloping curve of the path. Now, as
then, he stood listlessly in his place, seemingly
a tranquil watcher of the scene before him.
She too wants me to catch
hold of her, he thought. That’s why she
came with me to the tram. I could easily catch
hold of her when she comes up to my step: nobody
is looking. I could hold her and kiss her.
But he did neither: and, when
he was sitting alone in the deserted tram, he tore
his ticket into shreds and stared gloomily at the
corrugated footboard.
The next day he sat at his table in
the bare upper room for many hours. Before him
lay a new pen, a new bottle of ink and a new emerald
exercise. From force of habit he had written at
the top of the first page the initial letters of the
jesuit motto: A.M.D.G. On the first line
of the page appeared the title of the verses he was
trying to write: To E C .
He knew it was right to begin so for he had seen similar
titles in the collected poems of Lord Byron. When
he had written this title and drawn an ornamental
line underneath he fell into a daydream and began
to draw diagrams on the cover of the book. He
saw himself sitting at his table in Bray the morning
after the discussion at the Christmas dinner table,
trying to write a poem about Parnell on the back of
one of his father’s second moiety notices.
But his brain had then refused to grapple with the
theme and, desisting, he had covered the page with
the names and addresses of certain of his classmates:
Roderick Kickham
John Lawton
Anthony MacSwiney
Simon Moonan
Now it seemed as if he would fail
again but, by dint of brooding on the incident, he
thought himself into confidence. During this process
all those elements which he deemed common and insignificant
fell out of the scene. There remained no trace
of the tram itself nor of the tram-men nor of the
horses: nor did he and she appear vividly.
The verses told only of the night and the balmy breeze
and the maiden lustre of the moon. Some undefined
sorrow was hidden in the hearts of the protagonists
as they stood in silence beneath the leafless trees
and when the moment of farewell had come the kiss,
which had been withheld by one, was given by both.
After this the letters L. D. S. were written at the
foot of the page, and, having hidden the book, he went
into his mother’s bedroom and gazed at his face
for a long time in the mirror of her dressing-table.
But his long spell of leisure and
liberty was drawing to its end. One evening his
father came home full of news which kept his tongue
busy all through dinner. Stephen had been awaiting
his father’s return for there had been mutton
hash that day and he knew that his father would make
him dip his bread in the gravy. But he did not
relish the hash for the mention of Clongowes had coated
his palate with a scum of disgust.
I walked bang into him,
said Mr Dedalus for the fourth time, just at the corner
of the square.
Then I suppose, said Mrs
Dedalus, he will be able to arrange it. I mean
about Belvedere.
Of course he will, said
Mr Dedalus. Don’t I tell you he’s
provincial of the order now?
I never liked the idea
of sending him to the christian brothers myself, said
Mrs Dedalus.
Christian brothers be
damned! said Mr Dedalus. Is it with Paddy Stink
and Micky Mud? No, let him stick to the jesuits
in God’s name since he began with them.
They’ll be of service to him in after years.
Those are the fellows that can get you a position.
And they’re a very rich order, aren’t
they, Simon?
Rather. They live well, I tell you.
You saw their table at
Clongowes. Fed up, by God, like gamecocks.
Mr Dedalus pushed his plate over to
Stephen and bade him finish what was on it.
Now then, Stephen, he
said, you must put your shoulder to the wheel, old
chap. You’ve had a fine long holiday.
O, I’m sure he’ll
work very hard now, said Mrs Dedalus, especially when
he has Maurice with him.
O, Holy Paul, I forgot
about Maurice, said Mr Dedalus. Here, Maurice!
Come here, you thick-headed ruffian! Do you know
I’m going to send you to a college where they’ll
teach you to spell c.a.t. cat. And I’ll
buy you a nice little penny handkerchief to keep your
nose dry. Won’t that be grand fun?
Maurice grinned at his father and then at his brother.
Mr Dedalus screwed his glass into
his eye and stared hard at both his sons. Stephen
mumbled his bread without answering his father’s
gaze.
By the bye, said Mr Dedalus
at length, the rector, or provincial rather, was telling
me that story about you and Father Dolan. You’re
an impudent thief, he said.
O, he didn’t, Simon!
Not he! said Mr Dedalus.
But he gave me a great account of the whole affair.
We were chatting, you know, and one word borrowed another.
And, by the way, who do you think he told me will
get that job in the corporation? But I’ll
tell you that after. Well, as I was saying, we
were chatting away quite friendly and he asked me did
our friend here wear glasses still, and then he told
me the whole story.
And was he annoyed, Simon?
Annoyed? Not he! Manly
little chap! he said.
Mr Dedalus imitated the mincing nasal tone of the
provincial.
Father Dolan and I, when I told them
all at dinner about it, Father Dolan and I had a great
laugh over it. You better mind
yourself father Dolan, said I, or
young Dedalus will send you
up for twice nine. We had
a famous laugh together over it. Ha! Ha!
Ha!
Mr Dedalus turned to his wife and interjected in his
natural voice:
Shows you the spirit in
which they take the boys there. O, a jesuit for
your life, for diplomacy!
He reassumed the provincial’s voice and
repeated:
I told them all at
dinner about it and father
Dolan and I and all of
us we had A hearty laugh
together over it. Ha!
Ha! Ha!
The night of the Whitsuntide play
had come and Stephen from the window of the dressing-room
looked out on the small grass-plot across which lines
of Chinese lanterns were stretched. He watched
the visitors come down the steps from the house and
pass into the theatre. Stewards in evening dress,
old Belvedereans, loitered in groups about the entrance
to the theatre and ushered in the visitors with ceremony.
Under the sudden glow of a lantern he could recognize
the smiling face of a priest.
The Blessed Sacrament had been removed
from the tabernacle and the first benches had been
driven back so as to leave the dais of the altar and
the space before it free. Against the walls stood
companies of barbells and Indian clubs; the dumbbells
were piled in one corner: and in the midst of
countless hillocks of gymnasium shoes and sweaters
and singlets in untidy brown parcels there stood the
stout leather-jacketed vaulting horse waiting its
turn to be carried up on the stage and set in the
middle of the winning team at the end of the gymnastic
display.
Stephen, though in deference to his
reputation for essay writing he had been elected secretary
to the gymnasium, had had no part in the first section
of the programme but in the play which formed the second
section he had the chief part, that of a farcical pedagogue.
He had been cast for it on account of his stature
and grave manners for he was now at the end of his
second year at Belvedere and in number two.
A score of the younger boys in white
knickers and singlets came pattering down from the
stage, through the vestry and to the chapel.
The vestry and chapel were peopled with eager masters
and boys. The plump bald sergeant major was testing
with his foot the springboard of the vaulting horse.
The lean young man in a long overcoat, who was to
give a special display of intricate club swinging,
stood near watching with interest, his silver-coated
clubs peeping out of his deep side-pockets. The
hollow rattle of the wooden dumbbells was heard as
another team made ready to go up on the stage:
and in another moment the excited prefect was hustling
the boys through the vestry like a flock of geese,
flapping the wings of his soutane nervously and crying
to the laggards to make haste. A little troop
of Neapolitan peasants were practising their steps
at the end of the chapel, some circling their arms
above their heads, some swaying their baskets of paper
violets and curtsying. In a dark corner of the
chapel at the gospel side of the altar a stout old
lady knelt amid her copious black skirts. When
she stood up a pink-dressed figure, wearing a curly
golden wig and an old-fashioned straw sunbonnet, with
black pencilled eyebrows and cheeks delicately rouged
and powdered, was discovered. A low murmur of
curiosity ran round the chapel at the discovery of
this girlish figure. One of the prefects, smiling
and nodding his head, approached the dark corner and,
having bowed to the stout old lady, said pleasantly:
Is this a beautiful young
lady or a doll that you have here, Mrs Tallon?
Then, bending down to peer at the
smiling painted face under the leaf of the bonnet,
he exclaimed:
No! Upon my word
I believe it’s little Bertie Tallon after all!
Stephen at his post by the window
heard the old lady and the priest laugh together and
heard the boys’ murmurs of admiration behind
him as they passed forward to see the little boy who
had to dance the sunbonnet dance by himself.
A movement of impatience escaped him. He let
the edge of the blind fall and, stepping down from
the bench on which he had been standing, walked out
of the chapel.
He passed out of the schoolhouse and
halted under the shed that flanked the garden.
From the theatre opposite came the muffled noise of
the audience and sudden brazen clashes of the soldiers’
band. The light spread upwards from the glass
roof making the theatre seem a festive ark, anchored
among the hulks of houses, her frail cables of lanterns
looping her to her moorings. A side door of the
theatre opened suddenly and a shaft of light flew
across the grass plots. A sudden burst of music
issued from the ark, the prelude of a waltz: and
when the side door closed again the listener could
hear the faint rhythm of the music. The sentiment
of the opening bars, their languor and supple movement,
evoked the incommunicable emotion which had been the
cause of all his day’s unrest and of his impatient
movement of a moment before. His unrest issued
from him like a wave of sound: and on the tide
of flowing music the ark was journeying, trailing
her cables of lanterns in her wake. Then a noise
like dwarf artillery broke the movement. It was
the clapping that greeted the entry of the dumbbell
team on the stage.
At the far end of the shed near the
street a speck of pink light showed in the darkness
and as he walked towards it he became aware of a faint
aromatic odour. Two boys were standing in the
shelter of a doorway, smoking, and before he reached
them he had recognised Heron by his voice.
Here comes the noble Dedalus!
cried a high throaty voice. Welcome to our trusty
friend!
This welcome ended in a soft peal
of mirthless laughter as Heron salaamed and then began
to poke the ground with his cane.
Here I am, said Stephen,
halting and glancing from Heron to his friend.
The latter was a stranger to him but
in the darkness, by the aid of the glowing cigarette
tips, he could make out a pale dandyish face over
which a smile was travelling slowly, a tall overcoated
figure and a hard hat. Heron did not trouble
himself about an introduction but said instead:
I was just telling my
friend Wallis what a lark it would be tonight if you
took off the rector in the part of the schoolmaster.
It would be a ripping good joke.
Heron made a poor attempt to imitate
for his friend Wallis the rector’s pedantic
bass and then, laughing at his failure, asked Stephen
to do it.
Go on, Dedalus, he urged,
you can take him off rippingly. He that
will not hear the CHURCHA let
him be to THEEA as the HEATHENA
and the PUBLICANA.
The imitation was prevented by a mild
expression of anger from Wallis in whose mouthpiece
the cigarette had become too tightly wedged.
Damn this blankety blank
holder, he said, taking it from his mouth and smiling
and frowning upon it tolerantly. It’s always
getting stuck like that. Do you use a holder?
I don’t smoke, answered Stephen.
No, said Heron, Dedalus
is a model youth. He doesn’t smoke and he
doesn’t go to bazaars and he doesn’t flirt
and he doesn’t damn anything or damn all.
Stephen shook his head and smiled
in his rival’s flushed and mobile face, beaked
like a bird’s. He had often thought it strange
that Vincent Heron had a bird’s face as well
as a bird’s name. A shock of pale hair
lay on the forehead like a ruffled crest: the
forehead was narrow and bony and a thin hooked nose
stood out between the close-set prominent eyes which
were light and inexpressive. The rivals were
school friends. They sat together in class, knelt
together in the chapel, talked together after beads
over their lunches. As the fellows in number
one were undistinguished dullards, Stephen and Heron
had been during the year the virtual heads of the
school. It was they who went up to the rector
together to ask for a free day or to get a fellow off.
O by the way, said Heron
suddenly, I saw your governor going in.
The smile waned on Stephen’s
face. Any allusion made to his father by a fellow
or by a master put his calm to rout in a moment.
He waited in timorous silence to hear what Heron might
say next. Heron, however, nudged him expressively
with his elbow and said:
You’re a sly dog.
Why so? said Stephen.
You’d think butter
wouldn’t melt in your mouth said Heron.
But I’m afraid you’re a sly dog.
Might I ask you what you are talking about?
said Stephen urbanely.
Indeed you might, answered
Heron. We saw her, Wallis, didn’t we?
And deucedly pretty she is too. And inquisitive!
And what part does Stephen
take, Mr Dedalus? And will
Stephen not sing, Mr Dedalus?
Your governor was staring at her through that eyeglass
of his for all he was worth so that I think the old
man has found you out too. I wouldn’t care
a bit, by Jove. She’s ripping, isn’t
she, Wallis?
Not half bad, answered
Wallis quietly as he placed his holder once more in
a corner of his mouth.
A shaft of momentary anger flew through
Stephen’s mind at these indelicate allusions
in the hearing of a stranger. For him there was
nothing amusing in a girl’s interest and regard.
All day he had thought of nothing but their leave-taking
on the steps of the tram at Harold’s Cross,
the stream of moody emotions it had made to course
through him and the poem he had written about it.
All day he had imagined a new meeting with her for
he knew that she was to come to the play. The
old restless moodiness had again filled his breast
as it had done on the night of the party, but had
not found an outlet in verse. The growth and
knowledge of two years of boyhood stood between then
and now, forbidding such an outlet: and all day
the stream of gloomy tenderness within him had started
forth and returned upon itself in dark courses and
eddies, wearying him in the end until the pleasantry
of the prefect and the painted little boy had drawn
from him a movement of impatience.
So you may as well admit,
Heron went on, that we’ve fairly found you out
this time. You can’t play the saint on me
any more, that’s one sure five.
A soft peal of mirthless laughter
escaped from his lips and, bending down as before,
he struck Stephen lightly across the calf of the leg
with his cane, as if in jesting reproof.
Stephen’s moment of anger had
already passed. He was neither flattered nor
confused, but simply wished the banter to end.
He scarcely resented what had seemed to him a silly
indelicateness for he knew that the adventure in his
mind stood in no danger from these words: and
his face mirrored his rival’s false smile.
Admit! repeated Heron,
striking him again with his cane across the calf of
the leg.
The stroke was playful but not so
lightly given as the first one had been. Stephen
felt the skin tingle and glow slightly and almost
painlessly; and, bowing submissively, as if to meet
his companion’s jesting mood, began to recite
the confiteor. The episode ended well, for
both Heron and Wallis laughed indulgently at the irreverence.
The confession came only from Stephen’s
lips and, while they spoke the words, a sudden memory
had carried him to another scene called up, as if
by magic, at the moment when he had noted the faint
cruel dimples at the corners of Heron’s smiling
lips and had felt the familiar stroke of the cane
against his calf and had heard the familiar word of
admonition:
Admit.
It was towards the close of his first
term in the college when he was in number six.
His sensitive nature was still smarting under the lashes
of an undivined and squalid way of life. His soul
was still disquieted and cast down by the dull phenomenon
of Dublin. He had emerged from a two years’
spell of revery to find himself in the midst of a new
scene, every event and figure of which affected him
intimately, disheartened him or allured and, whether
alluring or disheartening, filled him always with
unrest and bitter thoughts. All the leisure which
his school life left him was passed in the company
of subversive writers whose jibes and violence of
speech set up a ferment in his brain before they passed
out of it into his crude writings.
The essay was for him the chief labour
of his week and every Tuesday, as he marched from
home to the school, he read his fate in the incidents
of the way, pitting himself against some figure ahead
of him and quickening his pace to outstrip it before
a certain goal was reached or planting his steps scrupulously
in the spaces of the patchwork of the pathway and
telling himself that he would be first and not first
in the weekly essay.
On a certain Tuesday the course of
his triumphs was rudely broken. Mr Tate, the
English master, pointed his finger at him and said
bluntly:
This fellow has heresy in his essay.
A hush fell on the class. Mr
Tate did not break it but dug with his hand between
his thighs while his heavily starched linen creaked
about his neck and wrists. Stephen did not look
up. It was a raw spring morning and his eyes
were still smarting and weak. He was conscious
of failure and of detection, of the squalor of his
own mind and home, and felt against his neck the raw
edge of his turned and jagged collar.
A short loud laugh from Mr Tate set
the class more at ease.
Perhaps you didn’t know that, he
said.
Where? asked Stephen.
Mr Tate withdrew his delving hand and spread out the
essay.
Here. It’s about the Creator
and the soul. Rrm... rrm... rrm... Ah!
Without A possibility of ever
approaching nearer. That’s heresy.
Stephen murmured:
I meant without A possibility
of ever reaching.
It was a submission and Mr Tate, appeased,
folded up the essay and passed it across to him, saying:
O...Ah! Ever reaching.
That’s another story.
But the class was not so soon appeased.
Though nobody spoke to him of the affair after class
he could feel about him a vague general malignant
joy.
A few nights after this public chiding
he was walking with a letter along the Drumcondra
Road when he heard a voice cry:
Halt!
He turned and saw three boys of his
own class coming towards him in the dusk. It
was Heron who had called out and, as he marched forward
between his two attendants, he cleft the air before
him with a thin cane in time to their steps.
Boland, his friend, marched beside him, a large grin
on his face, while Nash came on a few steps behind,
blowing from the pace and wagging his great red head.
As soon as the boys had turned into
Clonliffe Road together they began to speak about
books and writers, saying what books they were reading
and how many books there were in their fathers’
bookcases at home. Stephen listened to them in
some wonderment for Boland was the dunce and Nash
the idler of the class. In fact, after some talk
about their favourite writers, Nash declared for Captain
Marryat who, he said, was the greatest writer.
Fudge! said Heron.
Ask Dedalus. Who is the greatest writer, Dedalus?
Stephen noted the mockery in the question and said:
Of prose do you mean?
Yes.
Newman, I think.
Is it Cardinal Newman? asked Boland.
Yes, answered Stephen.
The grin broadened on Nash’s
freckled face as he turned to Stephen and said:
And do you like Cardinal Newman, Dedalus?
O, many say that Newman
has the best prose style, Heron said to the other
two in explanation, of course he’s not a poet.
And who is the best poet, Heron? asked
Boland.
Lord Tennyson, of course, answered Heron.
O, yes, Lord Tennyson,
said Nash. We have all his poetry at home in a
book.
At this Stephen forgot the silent vows he had been
making and burst out:
Tennyson a poet! Why, he’s
only a rhymester!
O, get out! said Heron.
Everyone knows that Tennyson is the greatest poet.
And who do you think is
the greatest poet? asked Boland, nudging his neighbour.
Byron, of course, answered Stephen.
Heron gave the lead and all three joined in a scornful
laugh.
What are you laughing at? asked Stephen.
You, said Heron.
Byron the greatest poet! He’s only a poet
for uneducated people.
He must be a fine poet! said Boland.
You may keep your mouth
shut, said Stephen, turning on him boldly. All
you know about poetry is what you wrote up on the slates
in the yard and were going to be sent to the loft
for.
Boland, in fact, was said to have
written on the slates in the yard a couplet about
a classmate of his who often rode home from the college
on a pony:
As Tyson was riding into Jerusalem
He fell and hurt his Alec Kafoozelum.
This thrust put the two lieutenants
to silence but Heron went on:
In any case Byron was a heretic and immoral
too.
I don’t care what he was, cried
Stephen hotly.
You don’t care whether he was a
heretic or not? said Nash.
What do you know about
it? shouted Stephen. You never read a line of
anything in your life except a trans, or Boland
either.
I know that Byron was a bad man, said
Boland.
Here, catch hold of this heretic, Heron
called out. In a moment
Stephen was a prisoner.
Tate made you buck up
the other day, Heron went on, about the heresy in
your essay.
I’ll tell him tomorrow, said Boland.
Will you? said Stephen. You’d
be afraid to open your lips.
Afraid?
Ay. Afraid of your life.
Behave yourself! cried
Heron, cutting at Stephen’s legs with his cane.
It was the signal for their onset.
Nash pinioned his arms behind while Boland seized
a long cabbage stump which was lying in the gutter.
Struggling and kicking under the cuts of the cane and
the blows of the knotty stump Stephen was borne back
against a barbed wire fence.
Admit that Byron was no good.
No.
Admit.
No.
Admit.
No. No.
At last after a fury of plunges he
wrenched himself free. His tormentors set off
towards Jones’s Road, laughing and jeering at
him, while he, half blinded with tears, stumbled on,
clenching his fists madly and sobbing.
While he was still repeating the confiteor
amid the indulgent laughter of his hearers and while
the scenes of that malignant episode were still passing
sharply and swiftly before his mind he wondered why
he bore no malice now to those who had tormented him.
He had not forgotten a whit of their cowardice and
cruelty but the memory of it called forth no anger
from him. All the descriptions of fierce love
and hatred which he had met in books had seemed to
him therefore unreal. Even that night as he stumbled
homewards along Jones’s Road he had felt that
some power was divesting him of that sudden-woven
anger as easily as a fruit is divested of its soft
ripe peel.
He remained standing with his two
companions at the end of the shed listening idly to
their talk or to the bursts of applause in the theatre.
She was sitting there among the others perhaps waiting
for him to appear. He tried to recall her appearance
but could not. He could remember only that she
had worn a shawl about her head like a cowl and that
her dark eyes had invited and unnerved him. He
wondered had he been in her thoughts as she had been
in his. Then in the dark and unseen by the other
two he rested the tips of the fingers of one hand
upon the palm of the other hand, scarcely touching
it lightly. But the pressure of her fingers had
been lighter and steadier: and suddenly the memory
of their touch traversed his brain and body like an
invisible wave.
A boy came towards them, running along
under the shed. He was excited and breathless.
O, Dedalus, he cried,
Doyle is in a great bake about you. You’re
to go in at once and get dressed for the play.
Hurry up, you better.
He’s coming now,
said Heron to the messenger with a haughty drawl,
when he wants to.
The boy turned to Heron and repeated:
But Doyle is in an awful bake.
Will you tell Doyle with
my best compliments that I damned his eyes? answered
Heron.
Well, I must go now, said
Stephen, who cared little for such points of honour.
I wouldn’t, said
Heron, damn me if I would. That’s no way
to send for one of the senior boys. In a bake,
indeed! I think it’s quite enough that
you’re taking a part in his bally old play.
This spirit of quarrelsome comradeship
which he had observed lately in his rival had not
seduced Stephen from his habits of quiet obedience.
He mistrusted the turbulence and doubted the sincerity
of such comradeship which seemed to him a sorry anticipation
of manhood. The question of honour here raised
was, like all such questions, trivial to him.
While his mind had been pursuing its intangible phantoms
and turning in irresolution from such pursuit he had
heard about him the constant voices of his father
and of his masters, urging him to be a gentleman above
all things and urging him to be a good catholic above
all things. These voices had now come to be hollow-sounding
in his ears. When the gymnasium had been opened
he had heard another voice urging him to be strong
and manly and healthy and when the movement towards
national revival had begun to be felt in the college
yet another voice had bidden him be true to his country
and help to raise up her language and tradition.
In the profane world, as he foresaw, a worldly voice
would bid him raise up his father’s fallen state
by his labours and, meanwhile, the voice of his school
comrades urged him to be a decent fellow, to shield
others from blame or to beg them off and to do his
best to get free days for the school. And it
was the din of all these hollow-sounding voices that
made him halt irresolutely in the pursuit of phantoms.
He gave them ear only for a time but he was happy
only when he was far from them, beyond their call,
alone or in the company of phantasmal comrades.
In the vestry a plump fresh-faced
jesuit and an elderly man, in shabby blue clothes,
were dabbling in a case of paints and chalks.
The boys who had been painted walked about or stood
still awkwardly, touching their faces in a gingerly
fashion with their furtive fingertips. In the
middle of the vestry a young jesuit, who was then on
a visit to the college, stood rocking himself rhythmically
from the tips of his toes to his heels and back again,
his hands thrust well forward into his side-pockets.
His small head set off with glossy red curls and his
newly shaven face agreed well with the spotless decency
of his soutane and with his spotless shoes.
As he watched this swaying form and
tried to read for himself the legend of the priest’s
mocking smile there came into Stephen’s memory
a saying which he had heard from his father before
he had been sent to Clongowes, that you could always
tell a jesuit by the style of his clothes. At
the same moment he thought he saw a likeness between
his father’s mind and that of this smiling well-dressed
priest: and he was aware of some desecration
of the priest’s office or of the vestry itself
whose silence was now routed by loud talk and joking
and its air pungent with the smells of the gas-jets
and the grease.
While his forehead was being wrinkled
and his jaws painted black and blue by the elderly
man, he listened distractedly to the voice of the
plump young jesuit which bade him speak up and make
his points clearly. He could hear the band playing
the Lily of Killarney and knew
that in a few moments the curtain would go up.
He felt no stage fright but the thought of the part
he had to play humiliated him. A remembrance of
some of his lines made a sudden flush rise to his painted
cheeks. He saw her serious alluring eyes watching
him from among the audience and their image at once
swept away his scruples, leaving his will compact.
Another nature seemed to have been lent him: the
infection of the excitement and youth about him entered
into and transformed his moody mistrustfulness.
For one rare moment he seemed to be clothed in the
real apparel of boyhood: and, as he stood in the
wings among the other players, he shared the common
mirth amid which the drop scene was hauled upwards
by two able-bodied priests with violent jerks and all
awry.
A few moments after he found himself
on the stage amid the garish gas and the dim scenery,
acting before the innumerable faces of the void.
It surprised him to see that the play which he had
known at rehearsals for a disjointed lifeless thing
had suddenly assumed a life of its own. It seemed
now to play itself, he and his fellow actors aiding
it with their parts. When the curtain fell on
the last scene he heard the void filled with applause
and, through a rift in a side scene, saw the simple
body before which he had acted magically deformed,
the void of faces breaking at all points and falling
asunder into busy groups.
He left the stage quickly and rid
himself of his mummery and passed out through the
chapel into the college garden. Now that the play
was over his nerves cried for some further adventure.
He hurried onwards as if to overtake it. The
doors of the theatre were all open and the audience
had emptied out. On the lines which he had fancied
the moorings of an ark a few lanterns swung in the
night breeze, flickering cheerlessly. He mounted
the steps from the garden in haste, eager that some
prey should not elude him, and forced his way through
the crowd in the hall and past the two jesuits who
stood watching the exodus and bowing and shaking hands
with the visitors. He pushed onward nervously,
feigning a still greater haste and faintly conscious
of the smiles and stares and nudges which his powdered
head left in its wake.
When he came out on the steps he saw
his family waiting for him at the first lamp.
In a glance he noted that every figure of the group
was familiar and ran down the steps angrily.
I have to leave a message
down in George’s Street, he said to his father
quickly. I’ll be home after you.
Without waiting for his father’s
questions he ran across the road and began to walk
at breakneck speed down the hill. He hardly knew
where he was walking. Pride and hope and desire
like crushed herbs in his heart sent up vapours of
maddening incense before the eyes of his mind.
He strode down the hill amid the tumult of sudden-risen
vapours of wounded pride and fallen hope and baffled
desire. They streamed upwards before his anguished
eyes in dense and maddening fumes and passed away above
him till at last the air was clear and cold again.
A film still veiled his eyes but they
burned no longer. A power, akin to that which
had often made anger or resentment fall from him, brought
his steps to rest. He stood still and gazed up
at the sombre porch of the morgue and from that to
the dark cobbled laneway at its side. He saw
the word Lotts on the wall of the lane and breathed
slowly the rank heavy air.
That is horse piss and rotted straw,
he thought. It is a good odour to breathe.
It will calm my heart. My heart is quite calm
now. I will go back.
Stephen was once again seated beside
his father in the corner of a railway carriage at
Kingsbridge. He was travelling with his father
by the night mail to Cork. As the train steamed
out of the station he recalled his childish wonder
of years before and every event of his first day at
Clongowes. But he felt no wonder now. He
saw the darkening lands slipping away past him, the
silent telegraph-poles passing his window swiftly
every four seconds, the little glimmering stations,
manned by a few silent sentries, flung by the mail
behind her and twinkling for a moment in the darkness
like fiery grains flung backwards by a runner.
He listened without sympathy to his
father’s evocation of Cork and of scenes of
his youth, a tale broken by sighs or draughts from
his pocket flask whenever the image of some dead friend
appeared in it or whenever the evoker remembered suddenly
the purpose of his actual visit. Stephen heard
but could feel no pity. The images of the dead
were all strangers to him save that of uncle Charles,
an image which had lately been fading out of memory.
He knew, however, that his father’s property
was going to be sold by auction, and in the manner
of his own dispossession he felt the world give the
lie rudely to his phantasy.
At Maryborough he fell asleep.
When he awoke the train had passed out of Mallow and
his father was stretched asleep on the other seat.
The cold light of the dawn lay over the country, over
the unpeopled fields and the closed cottages.
The terror of sleep fascinated his mind as he watched
the silent country or heard from time to time his father’s
deep breath or sudden sleepy movement. The neighbourhood
of unseen sleepers filled him with strange dread,
as though they could harm him, and he prayed that
the day might come quickly. His prayer, addressed
neither to God nor saint, began with a shiver, as
the chilly morning breeze crept through the chink
of the carriage door to his feet, and ended in a trail
of foolish words which he made to fit the insistent
rhythm of the train; and silently, at intervals of
four seconds, the telegraph-poles held the galloping
notes of the music between punctual bars. This
furious music allayed his dread and, leaning against
the windowledge, he let his eyelids close again.
They drove in a jingle across Cork
while it was still early morning and Stephen finished
his sleep in a bedroom of the Victoria Hotel.
The bright warm sunlight was streaming through the
window and he could hear the din of traffic.
His father was standing before the dressing-table,
examining his hair and face and moustache with great
care, craning his neck across the water-jug and drawing
it back sideways to see the better. While he
did so he sang softly to himself with quaint accent
and phrasing:
’Tis youth and folly
Makes young men marry,
So here, my love, I’ll
No longer stay.
What can’t be cured,
sure,
Must be injured, sure,
So I’ll go to
Amerikay.
My love she’s handsome,
My love she’s bony:
She’s like good whisky
When it is new;
But when ’tis old
And growing cold
It fades and dies like
The mountain dew.
The consciousness of the warm sunny
city outside his window and the tender tremors with
which his father’s voice festooned the strange
sad happy air, drove off all the mists of the night’s
ill humour from Stephen’s brain. He got
up quickly to dress and, when the song had ended,
said:
That’s much prettier
than any of your other come-all-YOUS.
Do you think so? asked Mr Dedalus.
I like it, said Stephen.
It’s a pretty old
air, said Mr Dedalus, twirling the points of his moustache.
Ah, but you should have heard Mick Lacy sing it!
Poor Mick Lacy! He had little turns for it, grace
notes that he used to put in that I haven’t
got. That was the boy who could sing a come-all-you,
if you like.
Mr Dedalus had ordered drisheens for
breakfast and during the meal he cross-examined the
waiter for local news. For the most part they
spoke at cross purposes when a name was mentioned,
the waiter having in mind the present holder and Mr
Dedalus his father or perhaps his grandfather.
Well, I hope they haven’t
moved the Queen’s College anyhow, said Mr Dedalus,
for I want to show it to this youngster of mine.
Along the Mardyke the trees were in
bloom. They entered the grounds of the college
and were led by the garrulous porter across the quadrangle.
But their progress across the gravel was brought to
a halt after every dozen or so paces by some reply
of the porter’s.
Ah, do you tell me so? And is poor
Pottlebelly dead?
Yes, sir. Dead, sir.
During these halts Stephen stood awkwardly
behind the two men, weary of the subject and waiting
restlessly for the slow march to begin again.
By the time they had crossed the quadrangle his restlessness
had risen to fever. He wondered how his father,
whom he knew for a shrewd suspicious man, could be
duped by the servile manners of the porter; and the
lively southern speech which had entertained him all
the morning now irritated his ears.
They passed into the anatomy theatre
where Mr Dedalus, the porter aiding him, searched
the desks for his initials. Stephen remained in
the background, depressed more than ever by the darkness
and silence of the theatre and by the air it wore
of jaded and formal study. On the desk he read
the word foetus cut several times in the dark
stained wood. The sudden legend startled his
blood: he seemed to feel the absent students
of the college about him and to shrink from their
company. A vision of their life, which his father’s
words had been powerless to evoke, sprang up before
him out of the word cut in the desk. A broad-shouldered
student with a moustache was cutting in the letters
with a jack-knife, seriously. Other students stood
or sat near him laughing at his handiwork. One
jogged his elbow. The big student turned on him,
frowning. He was dressed in loose grey clothes
and had tan boots.
Stephen’s name was called.
He hurried down the steps of the theatre so as to
be as far away from the vision as he could be and,
peering closely at his father’s initials, hid
his flushed face.
But the word and the vision capered
before his eyes as he walked back across the quadrangle
and towards the college gate. It shocked him to
find in the outer world a trace of what he had deemed
till then a brutish and individual malady of his own
mind. His monstrous reveries came thronging into
his memory. They too had sprung up before him,
suddenly and furiously, out of mere words. He
had soon given in to them and allowed them to sweep
across and abase his intellect, wondering always where
they came from, from what den of monstrous images,
and always weak and humble towards others, restless
and sickened of himself when they had swept over him.
Ay, bedad! And there’s
the Groceries sure enough! cried Mr Dedalus.
You often heard me speak of the Groceries, didn’t
you, Stephen. Many’s the time we went down
there when our names had been marked, a crowd of us,
Harry Peard and little Jack Mountain and Bob Dyas and
Maurice Moriarty, the Frenchman, and Tom O’Grady
and Mick Lacy that I told you of this morning and
Joey Corbet and poor little good-hearted Johnny Keevers
of the Tantiles.
The leaves of the trees along the
Mardyke were astir and whispering in the sunlight.
A team of cricketers passed, agile young men in flannels
and blazers, one of them carrying the long green wicket-bag.
In a quiet bystreet a German band of five players
in faded uniforms and with battered brass instruments
was playing to an audience of street arabs and leisurely
messenger boys. A maid in a white cap and apron
was watering a box of plants on a sill which shone
like a slab of limestone in the warm glare. From
another window open to the air came the sound of a
piano, scale after scale rising into the treble.
Stephen walked on at his father’s
side, listening to stories he had heard before, hearing
again the names of the scattered and dead revellers
who had been the companions of his father’s youth.
And a faint sickness sighed in his heart.
He recalled his own equivocal position
in Belvedere, a free boy, a leader afraid of his own
authority, proud and sensitive and suspicious, battling
against the squalor of his life and against the riot
of his mind. The letters cut in the stained wood
of the desk stared upon him, mocking his bodily weakness
and futile enthusiasms and making him loathe himself
for his own mad and filthy orgies. The spittle
in his throat grew bitter and foul to swallow and
the faint sickness climbed to his brain so that for
a moment he closed his eyes and walked on in darkness.
He could still hear his father’s voice
When you kick out for
yourself, Stephen as I daresay you will
one of these days remember, whatever you
do, to mix with gentlemen. When I was a young
fellow I tell you I enjoyed myself. I mixed with
fine decent fellows. Everyone of us could do
something. One fellow had a good voice, another
fellow was a good actor, another could sing a good
comic song, another was a good oarsman or a good racket
player, another could tell a good story and so on.
We kept the ball rolling anyhow and enjoyed ourselves
and saw a bit of life and we were none the worse of
it either. But we were all gentlemen, Stephen at
least I hope we were and bloody good honest
Irishmen too. That’s the kind of fellows
I want you to associate with, fellows of the right
kidney. I’m talking to you as a friend,
Stephen. I don’t believe a son should be
afraid of his father. No, I treat you as your
grandfather treated me when I was a young chap.
We were more like brothers than father and son.
I’ll never forget the first day he caught me
smoking. I was standing at the end of the South
Terrace one day with some maneens like myself and sure
we thought we were grand fellows because we had pipes
stuck in the corners of our mouths. Suddenly
the governor passed. He didn’t say a word,
or stop even. But the next day, Sunday, we were
out for a walk together and when we were coming home
he took out his cigar case and said: By
the by, Simon, I didn’t know you smoked, or something
like that. Of course I tried to carry it
off as best I could. If you want a good
smoke, he said, try one of these cigars. An American
captain made me a present of them last night in Queenstown.
Stephen heard his father’s voice
break into a laugh which was almost a sob.
He was the handsomest
man in Cork at that time, by God he was! The
women used to stand to look after him in the street.
He heard the sob passing loudly down
his father’s throat and opened his eyes with
a nervous impulse. The sunlight breaking suddenly
on his sight turned the sky and clouds into a fantastic
world of sombre masses with lakelike spaces of dark
rosy light. His very brain was sick and powerless.
He could scarcely interpret the letters of the signboards
of the shops. By his monstrous way of life he
seemed to have put himself beyond the limits of reality.
Nothing moved him or spoke to him from the real world
unless he heard in it an echo of the infuriated cries
within him. He could respond to no earthly or
human appeal, dumb and insensible to the call of summer
and gladness and companionship, wearied and dejected
by his father’s voice. He could scarcely
recognize as his own thoughts, and repeated slowly
to himself:
I am Stephen Dedalus.
I am walking beside my father whose name is Simon
Dedalus. We are in Cork, in Ireland. Cork
is a city. Our room is in the Victoria Hotel.
Victoria and Stephen and Simon. Simon and Stephen
and Victoria. Names.
The memory of his childhood suddenly
grew dim. He tried to call forth some of its
vivid moments but could not. He recalled only
names. Dante, Parnell, Clane, Clongowes.
A little boy had been taught geography by an old woman
who kept two brushes in her wardrobe. Then he
had been sent away from home to a college, he had
made his first communion and eaten slim jim out of
his cricket cap and watched the firelight leaping and
dancing on the wall of a little bedroom in the infirmary
and dreamed of being dead, of mass being said for
him by the rector in a black and gold cope, of being
buried then in the little graveyard of the community
off the main avenue of limes. But he had not died
then. Parnell had died. There had been no
mass for the dead in the chapel and no procession.
He had not died but he had faded out like a film in
the sun. He had been lost or had wandered out
of existence for he no longer existed. How strange
to think of him passing out of existence in such a
way, not by death but by fading out in the sun or by
being lost and forgotten somewhere in the universe!
It was strange to see his small body appear again
for a moment: a little boy in a grey belted suit.
His hands were in his side-pockets and his trousers
were tucked in at the knees by elastic bands.
On the evening of the day on which
the property was sold Stephen followed his father
meekly about the city from bar to bar. To the
sellers in the market, to the barmen and barmaids,
to the beggars who importuned him for a lob Mr Dedalus
told the same tale that he was an old Corkonian,
that he had been trying for thirty years to get rid
of his Cork accent up in Dublin and that Peter Pickackafax
beside him was his eldest son but that he was only
a Dublin jackeen.
They had set out early in the morning
from Newcombe’s coffee-house, where Mr Dedalus’s
cup had rattled noisily against its saucer, and Stephen
had tried to cover that shameful sign of his father’s
drinking bout of the night before by moving his chair
and coughing. One humiliation had succeeded another the
false smiles of the market sellers, the curvetings
and oglings of the barmaids with whom his father
flirted, the compliments and encouraging words of his
father’s friends. They had told him that
he had a great look of his grandfather and Mr Dedalus
had agreed that he was an ugly likeness. They
had unearthed traces of a Cork accent in his speech
and made him admit that the Lee was a much finer river
than the Liffey. One of them, in order to put
his Latin to the proof, had made him translate short
passages from Dilectus and asked him whether
it was correct to say: Tempora MUTANTUR
nos et MUTAMUR in ILLIS or tempora
MUTANTUR et nos MUTAMUR in ILLIS.
Another, a brisk old man, whom Mr Dedalus called Johnny
Cashman, had covered him with confusion by asking
him to say which were prettier, the Dublin girls or
the Cork girls.
He’s not that way
built, said Mr Dedalus. Leave him alone.
He’s a level-headed thinking boy who doesn’t
bother his head about that kind of nonsense.
Then he’s not his
father’s son, said the little old man.
I don’t know, I’m
sure, said Mr Dedalus, smiling complacently.
Your father, said the
little old man to Stephen, was the boldest flirt in
the City of Cork in his day. Do you know that?
Stephen looked down and studied the
tiled floor of the bar into which they had drifted.
Now don’t be putting
ideas into his head, said Mr Dedalus. Leave him
to his Maker.
Yerra, sure I wouldn’t
put any ideas into his head. I’m old enough
to be his grandfather. And I am a grandfather,
said the little old man to Stephen. Do you know
that?
Are you? asked Stephen.
Bedad I am, said the little
old man. I have two bouncing grandchildren out
at Sunday’s Well. Now, then! What age
do you think I am? And I remember seeing your
grandfather in his red coat riding out to hounds.
That was before you were born.
Ay, or thought of, said Mr Dedalus.
Bedad I did, repeated
the little old man. And, more than that, I can
remember even your great-grandfather, old John Stephen
Dedalus, and a fierce old fire-eater he was.
Now, then! There’s a memory for you!
That’s three generations four
generations, said another of the company. Why,
Johnny Cashman, you must be nearing the century.
Well, I’ll tell
you the truth, said the little old man. I’m
just twenty-seven years of age.
We’re as old as
we feel, Johnny, said Mr Dedalus. And just finish
what you have there and we’ll have another.
Here, Tim or Tom or whatever your name is, give us
the same again here. By God, I don’t feel
more than eighteen myself. There’s that
son of mine there not half my age and I’m a
better man than he is any day of the week.
Draw it mild now, Dedalus.
I think it’s time for you to take a back seat,
said the gentleman who had spoken before.
No, by God! asserted Mr
Dedalus. I’ll sing a tenor song against
him or I’ll vault a five-barred gate against
him or I’ll run with him after the hounds across
the country as I did thirty years ago along with the
Kerry Boy and the best man for it.
But he’ll beat you
here, said the little old man, tapping his forehead
and raising his glass to drain it.
Well, I hope he’ll
be as good a man as his father. That’s all
I can say, said Mr Dedalus.
If he is, he’ll do, said the little
old man.
And thanks be to God,
Johnny, said Mr Dedalus, that we lived so long and
did so little harm.
But did so much good,
Simon, said the little old man gravely. Thanks
be to God we lived so long and did so much good.
Stephen watched the three glasses
being raised from the counter as his father and his
two cronies drank to the memory of their past.
An abyss of fortune or of temperament sundered him
from them. His mind seemed older than theirs:
it shone coldly on their strifes and happiness and
regrets like a moon upon a younger earth. No life
or youth stirred in him as it had stirred in them.
He had known neither the pleasure of companionship
with others nor the vigour of rude male health nor
filial piety. Nothing stirred within his soul
but a cold and cruel and loveless lust. His childhood
was dead or lost and with it his soul capable of simple
joys and he was drifting amid life like the barren
shell of the moon.
Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless...?
He repeated to himself the lines of
Shelley’s fragment. Its alternation of
sad human ineffectiveness with vast inhuman cycles
of activity chilled him and he forgot his own human
and ineffectual grieving.
Stephen’s mother and his brother
and one of his cousins waited at the corner of quiet
Foster Place while he and his father went up the steps
and along the colonnade where the Highland sentry was
parading. When they had passed into the great
hall and stood at the counter Stephen drew forth his
orders on the governor of the bank of Ireland for thirty
and three pounds; and these sums, the moneys of his
exhibition and essay prize, were paid over to him
rapidly by the teller in notes and in coin respectively.
He bestowed them in his pockets with feigned composure
and suffered the friendly teller, to whom his father
chatted, to take his hand across the broad counter
and wish him a brilliant career in after life.
He was impatient of their voices and could not keep
his feet at rest. But the teller still deferred
the serving of others to say he was living in changed
times and that there was nothing like giving a boy
the best education that money could buy. Mr Dedalus
lingered in the hall gazing about him and up at the
roof and telling Stephen, who urged him to come out,
that they were standing in the house of commons of
the old Irish parliament.
God help us! he said piously,
to think of the men of those times, Stephen, Hely
Hutchinson and Flood and Henry Grattan and Charles
Kendal Bushe, and the noblemen we have now, leaders
of the Irish people at home and abroad. Why,
by God, they wouldn’t be seen dead in a ten-acre
field with them. No, Stephen, old chap, I’m
sorry to say that they are only as I roved out one
fine May morning in the merry month of sweet July.
A keen October wind was blowing round
the bank. The three figures standing at the edge
of the muddy path had pinched cheeks and watery eyes.
Stephen looked at his thinly clad mother and remembered
that a few days before he had seen a mantle priced
at twenty guineas in the windows of Barnardo’s.
Well that’s done, said Mr Dedalus.
We had better go to dinner, said Stephen.
Where?
Dinner? said Mr Dedalus. Well, I
suppose we had better, what?
Some place that’s not too dear,
said Mrs Dedalus.
Underdone’s?
Yes. Some quiet place.
Come along, said Stephen
quickly. It doesn’t matter about the dearness.
He walked on before them with short
nervous steps, smiling. They tried to keep up
with him, smiling also at his eagerness.
Take it easy like a good
young fellow, said his father. We’re not
out for the half mile, are we?
For a swift season of merrymaking
the money of his prizes ran through Stephen’s
fingers. Great parcels of groceries and delicacies
and dried fruits arrived from the city. Every
day he drew up a bill of fare for the family and every
night led a party of three or four to the theatre
to see Ingomar or the lady of Lyons.
In his coat pockets he carried squares of Vienna chocolate
for his guests while his trousers’ pocket bulged
with masses of silver and copper coins. He bought
presents for everyone, overhauled his room, wrote
out resolutions, marshalled his books up and down
their shelves, pored upon all kinds of price lists,
drew up a form of commonwealth for the household by
which every member of it held some office, opened
a loan bank for his family and pressed loans on willing
borrowers so that he might have the pleasure of making
out receipts and reckoning the interests on the sums
lent. When he could do no more he drove up and
down the city in trams. Then the season of pleasure
came to an end. The pot of pink enamel paint gave
out and the wainscot of his bedroom remained with
its unfinished and ill-plastered coat.
His household returned to its usual
way of life. His mother had no further occasion
to upbraid him for squandering his money. He too
returned to his old life at school and all his novel
enterprises fell to pieces. The commonwealth
fell, the loan bank closed its coffers and its books
on a sensible loss, the rules of life which he had
drawn about himself fell into desuetude.
How foolish his aim had been!
He had tried to build a break-water of order and elegance
against the sordid tide of life without him and to
dam up, by rules of conduct and active interest and
new filial relations, the powerful recurrence of the
tides within him. Useless. From without
as from within the waters had flowed over his barriers:
their tides began once more to jostle fiercely above
the crumbled mole.
He saw clearly too his own futile
isolation. He had not gone one step nearer the
lives he had sought to approach nor bridged the restless
shame and rancour that had divided him from mother
and brother and sister. He felt that he was hardly
of the one blood with them but stood to them rather
in the mystical kinship of fosterage, fosterchild and
fosterbrother.
He turned to appease the fierce longings
of his heart before which everything else was idle
and alien. He cared little that he was in mortal
sin, that his life had grown to be a tissue of subterfuge
and falsehood. Beside the savage desire within
him to realize the enormities which he brooded on
nothing was sacred. He bore cynically with the
shameful details of his secret riots in which he exulted
to defile with patience whatever image had attracted
his eyes. By day and by night he moved among
distorted images of the outer world. A figure
that had seemed to him by day demure and innocent came
towards him by night through the winding darkness
of sleep, her face transfigured by a lecherous cunning,
her eyes bright with brutish joy. Only the morning
pained him with its dim memory of dark orgiastic riot,
its keen and humiliating sense of transgression.
He returned to his wanderings.
The veiled autumnal evenings led him from street to
street as they had led him years before along the quiet
avenues of Blackrock. But no vision of trim front
gardens or of kindly lights in the windows poured
a tender influence upon him now. Only at times,
in the pauses of his desire, when the luxury that was
wasting him gave room to a softer languor, the image
of Mercedes traversed the background of his memory.
He saw again the small white house and the garden
of rose-bushes on the road that led to the mountains
and he remembered the sadly proud gesture of refusal
which he was to make there, standing with her in the
moonlit garden after years of estrangement and adventure.
At those moments the soft speeches of Claude Melnotte
rose to his lips and eased his unrest. A tender
premonition touched him of the tryst he had then looked
forward to and, in spite of the horrible reality which
lay between his hope of then and now, of the holy
encounter he had then imagined at which weakness and
timidity and inexperience were to fall from him.
Such moments passed and the wasting
fires of lust sprang up again. The verses passed
from his lips and the inarticulate cries and the unspoken
brutal words rushed forth from his brain to force a
passage. His blood was in revolt. He wandered
up and down the dark slimy streets peering into the
gloom of lanes and doorways, listening eagerly for
any sound. He moaned to himself like some baffled
prowling beast. He wanted to sin with another
of his kind, to force another being to sin with him
and to exult with her in sin. He felt some dark
presence moving irresistibly upon him from the darkness,
a presence subtle and murmurous as a flood filling
him wholly with itself. Its murmur besieged his
ears like the murmur of some multitude in sleep; its
subtle streams penetrated his being. His hands
clenched convulsively and his teeth set together as
he suffered the agony of its penetration. He
stretched out his arms in the street to hold fast
the frail swooning form that eluded him and incited
him: and the cry that he had strangled for so
long in his throat issued from his lips. It broke
from him like a wail of despair from a hell of sufferers
and died in a wail of furious entreaty, a cry for an
iniquitous abandonment, a cry which was but the echo
of an obscene scrawl which he had read on the oozing
wall of a urinal.
He had wandered into a maze of narrow
and dirty streets. From the foul laneways he
heard bursts of hoarse riot and wrangling and the drawling
of drunken singers. He walked onward, dismayed,
wondering whether he had strayed into the quarter
of the Jews. Women and girls dressed in long
vivid gowns traversed the street from house to house.
They were leisurely and perfumed. A trembling
seized him and his eyes grew dim. The yellow
gas-flames arose before his troubled vision against
the vapoury sky, burning as if before an altar.
Before the doors and in the lighted halls groups were
gathered arrayed as for some rite. He was in
another world: he had awakened from a slumber
of centuries.
He stood still in the middle of the
roadway, his heart clamouring against his bosom in
a tumult. A young woman dressed in a long pink
gown laid her hand on his arm to detain him and gazed
into his face. She said gaily:
Good night, Willie dear!
Her room was warm and lightsome.
A huge doll sat with her legs apart in the copious
easy-chair beside the bed. He tried to bid his
tongue speak that he might seem at ease, watching
her as she undid her gown, noting the proud conscious
movements of her perfumed head.
As he stood silent in the middle of
the room she came over to him and embraced him gaily
and gravely. Her round arms held him firmly to
her and he, seeing her face lifted to him in serious
calm and feeling the warm calm rise and fall of her
breast, all but burst into hysterical weeping.
Tears of joy and relief shone in his delighted eyes
and his lips parted though they would not speak.
She passed her tinkling hand through
his hair, calling him a little rascal.
Give me a kiss, she said.
His lips would not bend to kiss her.
He wanted to be held firmly in her arms, to be caressed
slowly, slowly, slowly. In her arms he felt that
he had suddenly become strong and fearless and sure
of himself. But his lips would not bend to kiss
her.
With a sudden movement she bowed his
head and joined her lips to his and he read the meaning
of her movements in her frank uplifted eyes. It
was too much for him. He closed his eyes, surrendering
himself to her, body and mind, conscious of nothing
in the world but the dark pressure of her softly parting
lips. They pressed upon his brain as upon his
lips as though they were the vehicle of a vague speech;
and between them he felt an unknown and timid pressure,
darker than the swoon of sin, softer than sound or
odour.