If cards are the Devil’s books,
Whist is the edition de luxe of them.
Whist-playing is one of the few vices of the upper
classes that has not in time descended to the lower,
with whom the ingenious and attractive game of ‘All
Fours’ has always held its own against it.
I have known but two men not belonging to the upper
ten thousand who played well at whist. One was
a well-known jockey in the South of England, who was
also, by the way, an admirable billiard-player.
He called himself an amateur, but those who played
with him used to complain that his proceedings were
even ultra-professional. On the Turf men are almost
as equal as they are under it, and this ornament of
the pigskin would on certain occasions (race meetings)
take his place at the card-table with some who were
very literally his betters, while others who had more
self-respect contented themselves with backing him.
The other example I have in my mind was an ancient
Cumberland yeoman, who, having lost the use of his
limbs in middle life from having been tossed by a bull,
pursued the science under considerable difficulties.
A sort of card-rack (such as Psycho uses at the Egyptian
Hall) was placed in front of him, and behind him stood
his little granddaughter who played the cards for
him by verbal direction. Both these men played
a very good game of the old-fashioned kind, for though
the jockey used subtleties, they were not of the Clay
or Cavendish sort. The asking for trumps was
a device unknown to him, though there were folks who
whispered he would take them under certain circumstances
without asking, and of the leading of the penultimate
with five in the suit it could be said of him, for
once, that he was as innocent as a babe.
Of course, many persons join the ‘upper
ten’ who come from the lower twenty (or even
thirty), and it need not be said that they are by no
means inferior in sagacity to their new acquaintances;
yet they rarely make first-rate players. Whist,
like the classics, must be learnt young for any excellence
to be attained in it. Of this Metternich was a
striking example. If benevolent Nature ever intended
a man for a whist-player one would have supposed that
she had done so in his case, but had been baffled
by some malign Destiny which had degraded him to that
class by whom, in conjunction with Kings, it was fondly
believed, previously to the recent general election,
that ’the world was governed.’ Until
late in life he never took to whist, when he grew
wildly fond of it, and played incessantly, till it
is said a certain memorable event took place which
caused him never to touch a card again. The story
goes that, rapt in the enjoyment of the game, he suffered
a special messenger to wait for hours, to whom if he
had given his attention more promptly a massacre of
many hundred persons would have been prevented.
Humanity may drop a tear, but whist had nothing to
regret in the circumstance; for in Metternich it did
not lose a good player, and, what redeems his intelligence,
he knew it. ’I learnt my whist too late,’
he would say, with more pathos and solemnity, perhaps,
than he would have used when speaking of more momentous
matters of omission.
He must be a wise man indeed who,
being an habitual whist-player, is aware that he is
a bad one. In games of pure skill, such as chess,
and, in a less degree, billiards, a man must be a
fool who deceives himself upon such a point; but in
whist there is a sufficient amount of chance to enable
him to preserve his self-complacency for some time let
us say, his lifetime. If he loses, he ascribes
it to his ‘infernal luck,’ which always
fills his hands with twos and threes; and if he wins,
though it is by a succession of four by honours as
long as the string of four-in-hands when the Coaching
Club meets in Hyde Park, he ascribes it to his skill.
‘If I hadn’t played trumps just when I
did,’ he modestly observes to his partner, ‘all
would have been over with us;’ though the result
would have been exactly the same had he played blindfold.
To an observer of human nature, who is not himself
a loser ‘on the day,’ there are few things
more charming than the genial, gentle self-approval
of two players of this class who have just defeated
two experts, and proved, to their own satisfaction,
that if fortune gives them ‘a fair chance’
or ‘something like equal cards,’ as they
term the conditions of their late performance, they
can play as well as other people.
Of course, the term ‘good-play’
is a relative one; the player who wins applause in
the drawing-room is often thought but little of in
places where the rigour of the game is observed; and
the ‘good, steady player’ of the University
Clubs is not a star of the first magnitude at the
Portland. The best players used to be men of mature
years; they are now the middle-aged, who, with sufficient
practical experience, have derived their skill in
early life from the best books. ’It is difficult
to teach an old dog new tricks,’ and for the
most part the old dogs despise them. When I hear
my partner boast that he is ’none of your book-players,’
I smile courteously, and tremble. I know what
will become of him and me if fortune does not give
him his ‘fair chance,’ and I seek comfort
from the calculation which tells me it is two to one
against my cutting with him again. How marvellous
it is, when one comes to consider the matter, that
a man should decline to receive instruction on a technical
subject from those who have eminently distinguished
themselves in it, and have systematised for the benefit
of others the results of the experience of a lifetime!
With books or no books, it is quite true, however,
that some men, otherwise of great intelligence, can
never be taught whist; they may have had every opportunity
of learning it have been born, as it were,
with the ace of spades in their mouth instead of a
silver spoon but the gift of understanding
is denied them; and though it is ungallant to say so,
I have never known a lady to play whist well.
In the case of the fair sex, however,
it may be urged that they have not the same chances;
they have no whist clubs, and the majority of them
entertain the extraordinary delusion that it is wrong
to play at whist in the afternoon. One may talk
scandal over kettle-drums, and go to morning performances
at the theatre, but one may not play at cards till
after dinner. There is even quite a large set
of male persons who, ‘on principle,’ do
not play at whist in the afternoon. In seasons
of great adversity, when fortune has not given me
my ‘fair chance’ for many days, I have
sometimes ‘gone on strike,’ as it is termed,
and joined them; but anything more deplorable than
such a state of affairs it is impossible to imagine.
After their day’s work is over, these good people
can’t conceive what to do with themselves, and,
between ourselves, it is my experience, drawn from
these occasional ’intervals of business,’
that this practice of not playing whist in the afternoon
generally leads to dissipation.
It is sometimes advanced by this unhappy
class, by way of apology, that they play at night;
which may very possibly be the case, but they don’t
play well. There is no such thing, except in the
sense in which after-dinner speaking is called ‘good,’
as good whist after dinner. It may seem otherwise,
even to the spectators; but having themselves dined
like the rest, they are not in a position to give an
opinion. The keenness of observation is blunted
by food and wine; the delicate perceptions are gone;
and what is left of the intelligence is generally
devoted to finding faults in your partner’s play.
The consciousness of mistakes on your own part, which
he is in no condition to discern, instead of suggesting
charity, induces irritation, and you are persuaded,
till you get the next man, that you are mated with
the worst player in all Christendom. Moreover,
that ‘one more rubber’ with which you
propose to finish is generally elastic (Indian
rubber), and you sit up into the small hours and find
them disagree with you. If I ever write that
new series of the ‘Chesterfield Letters’
which I have long had in my mind, and for which I
feel myself eminently qualified, my most earnest advice
to young gentlemen of fashion will be found in the
golden rule, ‘Never sit down to whist after dinner;’
it is a mistake, and almost an immorality. If
they must play cards, let them play Napoleon.
With regard to finding fault with
one’s partner, I have no apology to offer for
it under any circumstances; but it must be remembered
that this does not always arise from ill-temper, or
the sense of loss that might have been gain.
There are many lovers of whist for its own sake to
whom bad play, even in an adversary, excites a certain
distress of mind; when a good hand is thrown away
by it, they experience the same sort of emotion that
a gourmand feels who sees a haunch of venison spoilt
in the carving. In such a case a gentle expression
of disapproval is surely pardonable. And I have
observed that, with one or two exceptions (non
Angli sed angeli, men of angelic temper rather
than ordinary Englishmen), the good players who never
find fault are not socially the pleasantest.
They are men who ‘play to win,’ and who
think it very injudicious to educate a bad partner
who will presently join the ranks of the Opposition.
What is rather curious and
I speak with some experience, for I have played with
all classes, from the prince to the gentleman farmer the
best whist-players are not, as a rule, those who are
the most highly educated or intellectual. Men
of letters, for example (I am speaking, of course,
very generally), are inferior to the doctors and the
warriors. Both the late Lord Lytton and Charles
Lever had, it is true, a considerable reputation at
the whist-table, but though they were good players,
they were not in the first class; while the author
of ’Guy Livingstone,’ though devoted to
the game, was scarcely to be placed in the second.
The best players are, one must confess, what irreverent
persons, ignorant of the importance of this noble pursuit,
would term ’idlers’ men of
mere nominal occupation, or of none, to whom the game
has been familiar from their youth, and who have had
little else to do than to play it.
While some men, as I have said, can
never be taught whist, a few are born with a genius
for the game, and move up ‘from high to higher,’
through all the grades of excellence, with a miraculous
rapidity; but, whether good, bad, or indifferent,
I have not known half a dozen whist-players who were
not superstitious. Their credulity is, indeed,
proverbial, but no one who does not mix with them can
conceive the extent of it; it reminds one of the African
fetish. The country apothecary’s wife who
puts the ivory ‘fish’ on the candlestick
’for luck,’ and her partner, the undertaker,
who turns his chair in hopes to realise more ‘silver
threepences,’ are in no way more ridiculous than
the grave and reverend seigneurs of the Clubs
who are attracted to ’the winning seats’
or ‘the winning cards.’ The idea of
going on because ‘the run of luck’ is
in your favour, or of leaving off because it has declared
itself against you, is logically of course unworthy
of Cetywayo. The only modicum of reason that
underlies it is the fact that the play of some men
becomes demoralised by ill-fortune, and may, possibly,
be improved by success. Yet the belief in this
absurdity is universal, and bids fair to be eternal.
’If I am not in a draught, and my chair is comfortable,
you may put me anywhere,’ is a remark I have
heard but once, and the effect of it on the company
was much the same as if in the House of Convocation
some reverend gentleman had announced his acceptance
of the religious programme of M. Comte.
With the few exceptions I have mentioned,
whist-players not only stop very far short of excellence
in the game, but very soon reach their tether.
I cannot say of any man that he has gone on improving
for years; his mark is fixed, and he knows it though
he is exceptionally sagacious if he knows where it
is drawn as respects others and there he
stays till he begins to deteriorate. The first
warning of decadence is the loss of memory, after
which it is a question of time (and good sense) when
he shall withdraw from the ranks of the fighting men
and become a mere spectator of the combat. It
was said by a great gambler that the next pleasure
in life to that of winning was that of losing; and
to the real lover of whist, the next pleasure to that
of playing a good game is that of looking on at one.
Whist has been extolled, and justly,
upon many accounts; but the peculiar advantage of
the game is, perhaps, that it utilises socially many
persons who would not otherwise be attractive.
Unless a player is positively disagreeable, he is
as good to play whist with as a conversational Crichton.
Moreover, though the poet has hinted of the evanescent
character of ‘friendships made in wine,’
such is not the case with those made at whist.
The phrase, ‘my friend and partner,’ used
by a well-known lady in fiction, in speaking of another
lady, is one that is particularly applicable to this
social science, and holds good, as it does, alas,
in no other case, even when the partner becomes an
adversary.