Scene I

Cleante , Tartuffe

Cleante
Yes, it’s become the talk of all the town,
And make a stir that’s scarcely to your credit;
And I have met you, sir, most opportunely,
To tell you in a word my frank opinion.
Not to sift out this scandal to the bottom,
Suppose the worst for us suppose Damis
Acted the traitor, and accused you falsely;
Should not a Christian pardon this offence,
And stifle in his heart all wish for vengeance?
Should you permit that, for your petty quarrel,
A son be driven from his father’s house?
I tell you yet again, and tell you frankly,
Everyone, high or low, is scandalised;
If you’ll take my advice, you’ll make it up,
And not push matters to extremities.
Make sacrifice to God of your resentment;
Restore the son to favour with his father.

Tartuffe
Alas! So far as I’m concerned, how gladly
Would I do so! I bear him no ill will;
I pardon all, lay nothing to his charge,
And wish with all my heart that I might serve him;
But Heaven’s interests cannot allow it;
If he returns, then I must leave the house.
After his conduct, quite unparalleled,
All intercourse between us would bring scandal;
God knows what everyone’s first thought would be!
They would attribute it to merest scheming
On my part say that conscious of my guilt
I feigned a Christian love for my accuser,
But feared him in my heart, and hoped to win him
And underhandedly secure his silence.

Cleante
You try to put us off with specious phrases;
But all your arguments are too far-fetched.
Why take upon yourself the cause of Heaven?
Does Heaven need our help to punish sinners?
Leave to itself the care of its own vengeance,
And keep in mind the pardon it commands us;
Besides, think somewhat less of men’s opinions,
When you are following the will of Heaven.
Shall petty fear of what the world may think
Prevent the doing of a noble deed?
No! let us always do as Heaven commands,
And not perplex our brains with further questions.

Tartuffe
Already I have told you I forgive him;
And that is doing, sir, as Heaven commands.
But after this day’s scandal and affront
Heaven does not order me to live with him.

Cleante
And does it order you to lend your ear
To what mere whim suggested to his father,
And to accept gift of his estates,
On which, in justice, you can make no claim?

Tartuffe
No one who knows me, sir, can have the thought
That I am acting from a selfish motive.
The goods of this world have no charms for me;
I am not dazzled by their treacherous glamour;
And if I bring myself to take the gift
Which he insists on giving me, I do so,
To tell the truth, only because I fear
This whole estate may fall into bad hands,
And those to whom it comes may use it ill
And not employ it, as is my design,
For Heaven’s glory and my neighbours’ good.

Cleante
Eh, sir, give up these conscientious scruples
That well may cause a rightful heir’s complaints.
Don’t take so much upon yourself, but let him
Possess what’s his, at his own risk and peril;
Consider, it were better he misused it,
Than you should be accused of robbing him.
I am astounded that unblushingly
You could allow such offers to be made!
Tell me has true religion any maxim
That teaches us to rob the lawful heir?
If Heaven has made it quite impossible
Damis and you should live together here,
Were it not better you should quietly
And honourably withdraw, than let the son
Be driven out for your sake, dead against
All reason? ’Twould be giving, sir, believe me,
Such an example of your probity ...

Tartuffe
Sir, it is half-past three; certain devotions
Recall me to my closet; you’ll forgive me
For leaving you so soon.

Cleante (alone)
Ah!

Scene II

Elmire , Mariane , Cleante , Dorine

Dorine (to Cleante)
Sir, we beg you
To help us all you can in her behalf;
She’s suffering almost more than heart can bear;
This match her father means to make to-night
Drives her each moment to despair. He’s coming.
Let us unite our efforts now, we beg you,
And try by strength or skill to change his purpose.

Scene III

Orgon , Elmire , Mariane , Cleante , Dorine

Orgon
So ho! I’m glad to find you all together.

(To Mariane)
Here is the contract that shall make you happy,
My dear. You know already what it means.

Mariane (on her knees before Orgon)
Father, I beg you, in the name of Heaven
That knows my grief, and by whate’er can move you,
Relax a little your paternal rights,
And free my love from this obedience!
Oh, do not make me, by your harsh command,
Complain to Heaven you ever were my father;
Do not make wretched this poor life you gave me.
If, crossing that fond hope which I had formed,
You’ll not permit me to belong to one
Whom I have dared to love, at least, I beg you
Upon my knees, oh, save me from the torment
Of being possessed by one whom I abhor!
And do not drive me to some desperate act
By exercising all your rights upon me.

Orgon (a little touched)
Come, come, my heart, be firm! no human weakness!

Mariane
I am not jealous of your love for him;
Display it freely; give him your estate,
And if that’s not enough, add all of mine;
I willingly agree, and give it up,
If only you’ll not give him me, your daughter;
Oh, rather let a convent’s rigid rule
Wear out the wretched days that Heaven allots me.

Orgon
These girls are ninnies! always turning nuns
When fathers thwart their silly love-affairs.
Get on your feet! The more you hate to have him,
The more ’twill help you earn your soul’s salvation.
So, mortify your senses by this marriage,
And don’t vex me about it any more.

Dorine
But what ... ?

Orgon
You hold your tongue, before your betters.
Don’t dare to say a single word, I tell you.

Cleante
If you will let me answer, and advise ...

Orgon
Brother, I value your advice most highly;
’Tis well thought out; no better can be had;
But you’ll allow me not to follow it.

Elmire (to her husband)
I can’t find words to cope with such a case;
Your blindness makes me quite astounded at you.
You are bewitched with him, to disbelieve
The things we tell you happened here to-day.

Orgon
I am your humble servant, and can see
Things, when they’re plain as noses on folks’ faces,
I know you’re partial to my rascal son,
And didn’t dare to disavow the trick
He tried to play on this poor man; besides,
You were too calm, to be believed; if that
Had happened, you’d have been far more disturbed.

Elmire
And must our honour always rush to arms
At the mere mention of illicit love?
Or can we answer no attack upon it
Except with blazing eyes and lips of scorn?
For my part, I just laugh away such nonsense;
I’ve no desire to make a loud to-do.
Our virtue should, I think, be gentle-natured;
Nor can I quite approve those savage prudes
Whose honour arms itself with teeth and claws
To tear men’s eyes out at the slightest word.
Heaven preserve me from that kind of honour!
I like my virtue not to be a vixen,
And I believe a quiet cold rebuff
No less effective to repulse a lover.

Orgon
I know ... and you can’t throw me off the scent.

Elmire
Once more, I am astounded at your weakness;
I wonder what your unbelief would answer,
If I should let you see we’ve told the truth?

Orgon
See it?

Elmire
Yes.

Orgon
Nonsense.

Elmire
Come! If I should find
A way to make you see it clear as day?

Orgon
All rubbish.

Elmire
What a man! But answer me.
I’m not proposing now that you believe us;
But let’s suppose that here, from proper hiding,
You should be made to see and hear all plainly;
What would you say then, to your man of virtue?

Orgon
Why, then, I’d say ... say nothing. It can’t be.

Elmire
Your error has endured too long already,
And quite too long you’ve branded me a liar.
I must at once, for my own satisfaction,
Make you a witness of the things we’ve told you.

Orgon
Amen! I take you at your word. We’ll see
What tricks you have, and how you’ll keep your promise.

Elmire (to Dorine)
Send him to me.

Dorine (to Elmire)
The man’s a crafty codger,
Perhaps you’ll find it difficult to catch him.

Elmire (to Dorine)
Oh no! A lover’s never hard to cheat,
And self-conceit leads straight to self-deceit.
Bid him come down to me.

(To Cleante and Mariane)
And you, withdraw.

Scene IV

Elmire , Orgon

Elmire
Bring up this table, and get under it.

Orgon
What?

Elmire
One essential is to hide you well.

Orgon
Why under there?

Elmire
Oh, dear! Do as I say;
I know what I’m about, as you shall see.
Get under, now, I tell you; and once there
Be careful no one either sees or hears you.

Orgon
I’m going a long way to humour you,
I must say; but I’ll see you through your scheme.

Elmire
And then you’ll have, I think, no more to say.

(To her husband, who is now under the table.)
But mind, I’m going to meddle with strange matters;
Prepare yourself to be in no wise shocked.
Whatever I may say must pass, because
’Tis only to convince you, as I promised.
By wheedling speeches, since I’m forced to do it,
I’ll make this hypocrite put off his mask,
Flatter the longings of his shameless passion,
And give free play to all his impudence.
But, since ’tis for your sake, to prove to you
His guilt, that I shall feign to share his love,
I can leave off as soon as you’re convinced,
And things shall go no farther than you choose.
So, when you think they’ve gone quite far enough,
It is for you to stop his mad pursuit,
To spare your wife, and not expose me farther
Than you shall need, yourself, to undeceive you.
It is your own affair, and you must end it
When ... Here he comes. Keep still, don’t show yourself.

Scene V

Tartuffe , Elmire ; Orgon (under the table)

TARTUFFE They told me that you wished to see me here.

Elmire
Yes. I have secrets for your ear alone.
But shut the door first, and look everywhere
For fear of spies.

(Tartuffe goes and closes the door, and comes back.)
We surely can’t afford
Another scene like that we had just now;
Was ever anyone so caught before!
Damis did frighten me most terribly
On your account; you saw I did my best
To baffle his design, and calm his anger.
But I was so confused, I never thought
To contradict his story; still, thank Heaven,
Things turned out all the better, as it happened,
And now we’re on an even safer footing.
The high esteem you’re held in, laid the storm;
My husband can have no suspicion of you,
And even insists, to spite the scandal-mongers,
That we shall be together constantly;
So that is how, without the risk of blame,
I can be here locked up with you alone,
And can reveal to you my heart, perhaps
Only too ready to allow your passion.

TARTUFFE Your words are somewhat hard to understand,
Madam; just now you used a different style.

Elmire
If that refusal has offended you,
How little do you know a woman’s heart!
How ill you guess what it would have you know,
When it presents so feeble a defence!
Always, at first, our modesty resists
The tender feelings you inspire us with.
Whatever cause we find to justify
The love that masters us, we still must feel
Some little shame in owning it; and strive
To make as though we would not, when we would.
But from the very way we go about it
We let a lover know our heart surrenders,
The while our lips, for honour’s sake, oppose
Our heart’s desire, and in refusing promise.
I’m telling you my secret all too freely
And with too little heed to modesty.
But now that I’ve made bold to speak pray tell me.
Should I have tried to keep Damis from speaking,
Should I have heard the offer of your heart
So quietly, and suffered all your pleading,
And taken it just as I did remember
If such a declaration had not pleased me,
And, when I tried my utmost to persuade you
Not to accept the marriage that was talked of,
What should my earnestness have hinted to you
If not the interest that you’ve inspired,
And my chagrin, should such a match compel me
To share a heart I want all to myself?

Tartuffe
’Tis, past a doubt, the height of happiness,
To hear such words from lips we dote upon;
Their honeyed sweetness pours through all my senses
Long draughts of suavity ineffable.
My heart employs its utmost zeal to please you,
And counts your love its one beatitude;
And yet that heart must beg that you allow it
To doubt a little its felicity.
I well might think these words an honest trick
To make me break off this approaching marriage;
And if I may express myself quite plainly,
I cannot trust these too enchanting words
Until the granting of some little favour
I sigh for, shall assure me of their truth
And build within my soul, on firm foundations,
A lasting faith in your sweet charity.

Elmire (coughing to draw her husband’s attention)
What! Must you go so fast? and all at once
Exhaust the whole love of a woman’s heart?
She does herself the violence to make
This dear confession of her love, and you
Are not yet satisfied, and will not be
Without the granting of her utmost favours?

Tartuffe
The less a blessing is deserved, the less
We dare to hope for it; and words alone
Can ill assuage our love’s desires. A fate
Too full of happiness, seems doubtful still;
We must enjoy it ere we can believe it.
And I, who know how little I deserve
Your goodness, doubt the fortunes of my daring;
So I shall trust to nothing, madam, till
You have convinced my love by something real.

Elmire
Ah! How your love enacts the tyrant’s rôle,
And throws my mind into a strange confusion!
With what fierce sway it rules a conquered heart,
And violently will have its wishes granted!
What! Is there no escape from your pursuit?
No respite even? not a breathing space?
Nay, is it decent to be so exacting,
And so abuse by urgency the weakness
You may discover in a woman’s heart?

Tartuffe
But if my worship wins your gracious favour,
Then why refuse me some sure proof thereof?

Elmire
But how can I consent to what you wish,
Without offending Heaven you talk so much of?

Tartuffe
If Heaven is all that stands now in my way,
I’ll easily remove that little hindrance;
Your heart need not hold back for such a trifle.

Elmire
But they affright us so with Heaven’s commands!

Tartuffe
I can dispel these foolish fears, dear madam;
I know the art of pacifying scruples
Heaven forbids, ’tis true, some satisfactions;
But we find means to make things right with Heaven.

(’Tis a scoundrel speaking.)

There is a science, madam, that instructs us
How to enlarge the limits of our conscience
According to our various occasions,
And rectify the evil of the deed
According to our purity of motive.
I’ll duly teach you all these secrets, madam;
You only need to let yourself be guided.
Content my wishes, have no fear at all;
I answer for’t, and take the sin upon me.

(Elmire coughs still louder.)
Your cough is very bad.

Elmire
Yes, I’m in torture.

Tartuffe
Would you accept this bit of licorice?

Elmire
The case is obstinate, I find; and all
The licorice in the world will do no good.

Tartuffe
’Tis very trying.

Elmire
More than words can say.

Tartuffe
In any case, your scruple’s easily
Removed. With me you’re sure of secrecy,
And there’s no harm unless a thing is known.
The public scandal is what brings offence,
And secret sinning is not sin at all.

Elmire (after coughing again)
So then, I see I must resolve to yield;
I must consent to grant you everything,
And cannot hope to give full satisfaction
Or win full confidence, at lesser cost.
No doubt ’tis very hard to come to this;
’Tis quite against my will I go so far;
But since I must be forced to it, since nothing
That can be said suffices for belief,
Since more convincing proof is still demanded,
I must make up my mind to humour people.
If my consent give reason for offence,
So much the worse for him who forced me to it;
The fault can surely not be counted mine.

Tartuffe
It need not, madam; and the thing itself ...

Elmire
Open the door, I pray you, and just see
Whether my husband’s not there, in the hall.

Tartuffe
Why take such care for him? Between ourselves,
He is a man to lead round by the nose.
He’s capable of glorying in our meetings;
I’ve fooled him so, he’d see all, and deny it.

Elmire
No matter; go, I beg you, look about,
And carefully examine every corner.

Scene VI

Orgon , Elmire

Orgon (crawling out from under the table)
That is, I own, a man ... abominable!
I can’t get over it; the whole thing floors me.

Elmire
What? You come out so soon? You cannot mean it!
Get back under the table; ’tis not time yet;
Wait till the end, to see, and make quite certain,
And don’t believe a thing on mere conjecture.

Orgon
Nothing more wicked e’er came out of Hell.

Elmire
Dear me! Don’t go and credit things too lightly.
No, let yourself be thoroughly convinced;
Don’t yield too soon, for fear you’ll be mistaken.

(As Tartuffe enters, she makes her husband stand behind her.)

Scene VII

Tartuffe , Elmire , Orgon

Tartuffe (not seeing Orgon)
All things conspire toward my satisfaction,
Madam, I’ve searched the whole apartment through.
There’s no one here; and now my ravished soul ...

Orgon (stopping him)
Softly! You are too eager in your amours;
You needn’t be so passionate. Ah ha!
My holy man! You want to put it on me!
How is your soul abandoned to temptation!
Marry my daughter, eh? and want my wife, too?
I doubted long enough if this was earnest,
Expecting all the time the tone would change;
But now the proof’s been carried far enough;
I’m satisfied, and ask no more, for my part.

Elmire (to Tartuffe)
’Twas quite against my character to play
This part; but I was forced to treat you so.

Tartuffe
What? You believe ... ?

Orgon
Come, now, no protestations.
Get out from here, and make no fuss about it.

Tartuffe
But my intent ...

Orgon
That talk is out of season.
You leave my house this instant.

Tartuffe
You’re the one
To leave it, you who play the master here!
This house belongs to me, I’ll have you know,
And show you plainly it’s no use to turn
To these low tricks, to pick a quarrel with me,
And that you can’t insult me at your pleasure,
For I have wherewith to confound your lies,
Avenge offended Heaven, and compel
Those to repent who talk to me of leaving.

Scene VIII

Elmire , Orgon

Elmire
What sort of speech is this? What can it mean?

Orgon
My faith, I’m dazed. This is no laughing matter.

Elmire
What?

Orgon
From his words I see my great mistake;
The deed of gift is one thing troubles me.

Elmire
The deed of gift ...

Orgon
Yes, that is past recall.
But I’ve another thing to make me anxious.

Elmire
What’s that?

Orgon
You shall know all. Let’s see at once
Whether a certain box is still upstairs.