HIS FIRST
BOOK
(1838-1839)
The union [with the State] is to the
Church of secondary though great importance.
Her foundations are on the holy hills.
Her charter is legibly divine. She, if she
should be excluded from the precinct of government,
may still fulfil all her functions, and carry
them out to perfection. Her condition would be
anything rather than pitiable, should she once
more occupy the position which she held before
the reign of Constantine. But the State, in rejecting
her, would actively violate its most solemn duty, and
would, if the theory of the connection be sound,
entail upon itself a curse. GLADSTONE
(1838).
According to Mr. Gladstone, a furore
for church establishment came down upon the conservative
squadrons between 1835 and 1838. He describes
it as due especially to the activity of the presbyterian
established church of Scotland before the disruption,
and especially to the ’zealous and truly noble
propagandism of Dr. Chalmers, a man with the energy
of a giant and the simplicity of a child.’
In 1837, Mr. Gladstone says in one of the many fragments
written when in his later years he mused over the
past, ’we had a movement for fresh parliamentary
grants to build churches in Scotland. The leaders
did not seem much to like it, but had to follow.
I remember dining at Sir R. Peel’s with the Scotch
deputation. It included Collins, a church bookseller
of note, who told me that no sermon ought ever to
fall short of an hour, for in less time than that
it was not possible to explain any text of the Holy
Scripture.’
In the spring of 1838, the mighty
Chalmers was persuaded to cross the border and deliver
in London half a dozen discourses to vindicate the
cause of ecclesiastical establishments. The rooms
in Hanover Square were crowded to suffocation by intense
audiences mainly composed of the governing class.
Princes of the blood were there, high prelates of the
church, great nobles, leading statesmen, and a throng
of members of the House of Commons, from both sides
of it. The orator was seated, but now and again
in the kindling excitement of his thought, he rose
unconsciously to his feet, and by ringing phrase or
ardent gesture roused a whirlwind of enthusiasm such
that vehement bystanders assure us it could not be
exceeded in the history of human eloquence. In
Chalmers’ fulminating energy, the mechanical
polemics of an appropriation clause in a parliamentary
bill assume a passionate and living air. He had
warned his northern flock, ’should the disaster
ever befall us, of vulgar and upstart politicians
becoming lords of the ascendant, and an infidel or
demi-infidel government wielding the destinies of
this mighty empire, and should they be willing at the
shrines of their own wretched partizanship to make
sacrifice of those great and hallowed institutions
which were consecrated by our ancestors to the maintenance
of religious truth and religious liberty, should
in particular the monstrous proposition ever be entertained
to abridge the legal funds for the support of protestantism, let
us hope that there is still enough, not of fiery zeal,
but of calm, resolute, enlightened principle in the
land to resent the outrage enough of energy
and reaction in the revolted sense of this great country
to meet and overbear it.’
CHALMERS IN
LONDON
The impression made by all this on
Mr. Gladstone he has himself described in an autobiographic
note of 1897:
The primary idea of my early politics
was the church. With this was connected
the idea of the establishment, as being everything
except essential. When therefore Dr. Chalmers
came to London to lecture on the principle of
church establishments, I attended as a loyal hearer.
I had a profound respect for the lecturer, with whom
I had had the honour of a good deal of acquaintance
during winter residences in Edinburgh, and some
correspondence by letter. I was in my earlier
twenties, and he near his sixties [he was 58], with
a high and merited fame for eloquence and character.
He subscribed his letters to me ‘respectfully’
(or ‘most respectfully’) yours, and
puzzled me extremely in the effort to find out what
suitable mode of subscription to use in return.
Unfortunately the basis of his lectures was totally
unsound. Parliament as being Christian was bound
to know and establish the truth. But not being
made of theologians, it could not follow the
truth into its minuter shadings, and must proceed
upon broad lines. Fortunately these lines
were ready to hand. There was a religious system
which, taken in the rough, was truth. This
was known as protestantism: and to its varieties
it was not the business of the legislature to have
regard. On the other side lay a system which,
taken again in the rough, was not truth but error.
This system was known as popery. Parliament
therefore was bound to establish and endow some kind
of protestantism, and not to establish or endow
popery.
In a letter to Manning (May 14, 1838)
he puts the case more bluntly:
Such a jumble of church, un-church,
and anti-church principles as that excellent
and eloquent man Dr. Chalmers has given us in his
recent lectures, no human being ever heard, and
it can only be compared to the state of things
Ante mare
et terras et quod tegit omnia coelum.
He thinks that the State has not cognisance
of spirituals, except upon a broad simple principle
like that which separates popery from protestantism,
namely that protestantism receives the word of God
only, popery the word of God and the word of man
alike it is easy, he says, such being
the alternatives, to judge which is preferable.
He flogged the apostolic succession grievously,
seven bishops sitting below him: London,
Winchester, Chester, Oxford, Llandaff, Gloucester,
Exeter, and the Duke of Cambridge incessantly bobbing
assent; but for fear we should be annoyed he then
turned round on the cathedrals plan and flogged
it with at least equal vigour. He has a
mind keenly susceptible of what is beautiful, great,
and good; tenacious of an idea when once grasped,
and with a singular power of concentrating the
whole man upon it. But unfortunately I do
not believe he has ever looked in the face the real
doctrine of the visible church and the apostolic
succession, or has any idea what is the matter
at issue.
Mr. Gladstone says he could not stand
the undisputed currency in conservative circles of
a theory like this, and felt that the occasion ought
to be seized for further entrenching the existing institution,
strong as it seemed in fact, by more systematic defences
in principle and theory. He sat down to the literary
task with uncommon vigour and persistency. His
object was not merely to show that the state has a
conscience, for not even the newest of new Machiavellians
denies that a state is bound by some moral obligations,
though in history and fact it is true that
Earth
is sick,
And Heaven is weary, of the hollow words
Which States and Kingdoms utter when they
talk
Of truth and justice.
But the obligation of conscience upon
a state was not Mr. Gladstone’s only point.
His propositions were, that the state is cognisant
of the difference between religious truth and religious
error: that the propagation of this truth and
the discouragement of this error are among the ends
for which government exists; that the English state
did recognise as a fundamental duty to give an active
and exclusive support to a certain religion; and finally
that the condition of things resulting from the discharge
of this duty was well worth preserving against encroachment,
from whatever quarter encroachment might threaten.
COMPOSITION
OF HIS WORK
On July 23rd, the draft of his book
was at last finished, and he dispatched it to James
Hope for free criticism, suggestions, and revision.
The ‘physical state of the MS.,’ as Mr.
Gladstone calls it, seems to have been rather indefensible,
and his excuse for writing ’irregularly and
confusedly, considering the pressure of other engagements’ an
excuse somewhat too common with him was
not quite so valid as he seems to have thought it.
‘The defects,’ writes Hope, ’are
such as must almost necessarily occur when a great
subject is handled piecemeal and at intervals; and
I should recommend, with a view to remedying them,
that you procure the whole to be copied out in a good
legible hand with blank pages, and that you read it
through in this shape once connectedly, with a view
to the whole argument, and again with a view to examining
the structure of each part.’ Hope took as
much trouble with the argument and structure of the
book as if he were himself its author. For many
weeks the fervid toil went on.
The strain on his eyesight that had
embarrassed Mr. Gladstone for several months now made
abstinence from incessant reading and writing necessary,
and he was ordered to travel. He first settled
with his sister at Ems (August 15th), whither the
proofs of his book with Hope’s annotations followed,
nor did he finally get rid of the burden until the
middle of September. The tedium of life in hotels
was almost worse than the tedium of revising proofs,
and at Milan and Florence he was strongly tempted
to return home, as the benefit was problematical; it
was even doubtful whether pictures were any less trying
to his eyes than books. He made the acquaintance
of one celebrated writer of the time. ’I
went to see Manzoni,’ he says, ’in his
house some six or eight miles from Milan in 1838.
He was a most interesting man, but was regarded, as
I found, among the more fashionable priests in Milan
as a bacchettone [hypocrite]. In his own
way he was, I think, a liberal and a nationalist,
nor was the alliance of such politics with strong religious
convictions uncommon among the more eminent Italians
of those days.’
October found him in Sicily,
where he travelled with Sir Stephen Glynne and his
two sisters, and here we shall soon see that with one
of these sisters a momentous thing came to pass.
It was at Catania that he first heard of the publication
of his book. A month or more was passed in Rome
in company with Manning, and together they visited
Wiseman, Manning’s conversion still thirteen
years off. Macaulay too, now eight-and-thirty,
was at Rome that winter. ‘On Christmas Eve,’
he says, ’I found Gladstone in the throng, and
I accosted him, as we had met, though we had never
been introduced to each other. We talked and walked
together in St. Peter’s during the best part
of an afternoon. He is both a clever and an amiable
man....’ At Rome, as the state of his eyesight
forbade too close resort to picture galleries and museums,
he listened to countless sermons, all carefully recorded
in his diary. Dr. Wiseman gave him a lesson in
the missal. On his birthday he went with Manning
to hear mass with the pope’s choir, and they
were placed on the bench behind the cardinals.
At St. Peter’s he recalled that there his first
conception of the unity of the church had come into
his mind, and the desire for its attainment ’an
object in every human sense hopeless, but not therefore
the less to be desired, for the horizon of human hope
is not that of divine power and wisdom. That
idea has been upon the whole, I believe, the ruling
one of my life during the period that has since elapsed.’
On January 19, he bade ’a reluctant adieu to
the mysterious city, whither he should repair who
wishes to renew for a time the dream of life.’
A few years later Mr. Gladstone noted
some differences between English and Italian preaching
that are of interest:
The fundamental distinction between
English and Italian preaching is, I think, this:
the mind of the English preacher, or reader of sermons,
however impressive, is fixed mainly upon his composition,
that of the Italian on his hearers. The Italian
is a man applying himself by his rational and
persuasive organs to men, in order to move them;
the former is a man applying himself, with his best
ability in many cases, to a fixed form of matter,
in order to make it move those whom he
addresses. The action in the one case is warm,
living, direct, immediate, from heart to heart; in
the other it is transfused through a medium comparatively
torpid. The first is surely far superior
to the second in truth and reality. The preacher
bears an awful message. Such messengers, if sent
with authority, are too much identified with,
and possessed by, that which they carry, to view
it objectively during its delivery, it absorbs
their very being and all its energies, they are
their message, and they see nothing extrinsic
to themselves except those to whose hearts they
desire to bring it. In truth, what we want is
the following of nature, and her genial development.
(March 20, Palm Sunday, ’42.)
II
GOES ABROAD.
BOOK PUBLISHED
It was the end of January (1839) before
Mr. Gladstone arrived in London, and by that time
his work had been out for six or seven weeks.
On his return we may be sure that his book and its
fortunes were the young author’s most lively
interest. Church authorities and the clergy generally,
so far as he could learn, approved, many of them very
warmly. The Bishop of London wrote this, and
the Archbishop of Canterbury said it. It is easy
to understand with what interest and delight the average
churchman would welcome so serious a contribution to
the good cause, so bold an effort by so skilled a
hand, by lessons from history, by general principles
of national probity and a national religion, and by
well-digested materials gathered, as Hooker gathered
his, ’from the characteristic circumstances
of the time,’ to support the case for ecclesiastical
privilege. Anglicans of the better sort had their
intellectual self-respect restored in Mr. Gladstone’s
book, by finding that they need no longer subsist
on the dregs of Eldonian prejudice, but could sustain
themselves in intellectual dignity and affluence by
large thoughts and sonorous phrases upon the nature
of human society as a grand whole. Even unconvinced
whigs who quarrelled with the arguments, admitted
that the tories had found in the young member for
Newark a well-read scholar, with extraordinary amplitude
of mind, a man who knew what reasoning meant, and
a man who knew how to write.
The first chapter dealing with establishment
drew forth premature praise from many who condemned
the succeeding chapters setting out high notions as
to the church. From both universities he had favourable
accounts. ’From Scotland they are mixed;
those which are most definite tend to show there is
considerable soreness, at which, God knows, I am not
surprised; but I have not sought nor desired it.’
The Germans on the whole approved. Bunsen was
exuberant; there was nobody, he said, with whom he
so loved [Greek: symphilosophein kai symphilologein];
people have too much to do about themselves to have
time to seek truth on its own account; the greater,
therefore, the merit of the writer who forces his
age to decide, whether they will serve God or Baal.
Gladstone is the first man in England as to intellectual
power, he cried, and he has heard higher tones than
any one else in this land. The Crown Prince of
Prussia sent him civil messages, and meant to have
the book translated. Rogers, the poet, wrote
that his mother was descended from stout nonconformists,
that his father was perverted to his mother’s
hérésies, and that therefore he himself could
not be zealous in the cause; but, however that might
be, of this Mr. Gladstone might be very sure, that
he would love and admire the author of the book as
much as ever. The Duke of Newcastle expected
much satisfaction; meanwhile declared it to be a national
duty to provide churches and pastors; parliament should
vote even millions and millions; then dissent would
uncommonly soon disappear, and a blessing would fall
upon the land. Dr. Arnold told his friends how
much he admired the spirit of the book throughout,
how he liked the substance of half of it, how erroneous
he thought the other half. Wordsworth pronounced
it worthy of all attention, doubted whether the author
had not gone too far about apostolical descent;
but then, like the sage that he was, the poet admitted
that he must know a great deal more ecclesiastical
history, be better read in the Fathers, and read the
book itself over again, before he could feel any right
to criticise.
ITS RECEPTION
His political leaders had as yet not
spoken a word. On February 9th, Mr. Gladstone
dined at Sir Robert Peel’s. ’Not a
word from him, Stanley, or Graham yet, even to acknowledge
my poor book; but no change in manner, certainly none
in Peel or Graham.’ Monckton Milnes had
been to Drayton, and told how the great man there
had asked impatiently why anybody with so fine a career
before him should go out of his way to write books.
‘Sir Robert Peel,’ says Mr. Gladstone,
’who was a religious man, was wholly anti-church
and unclerical, and largely undogmatic. I feel
that Sir R. Peel must have been quite perplexed in
his treatment of me after the publication of the book,
partly through his own fault, for by habit and education
he was quite incapable of comprehending the movement
in the church, the strength it would reach, and the
exigencies it would entail. Lord Derby, I think,
early began to escape from the erastian yoke which
weighed upon Peel. Lord Aberdeen was, I should
say, altogether enlightened in regard to it and had
cast it off: so that he obtained from some the
sobriquet (during his ministry) of “the presbyterian
Puseyite."’ Even Mr. Gladstone’s best friends
trembled for the effect of his ecclesiastical zeal
upon his powers of political usefulness, and to the
same effect was the general talk of the town.
The common suspicion that the writer was doing the
work of the hated Puseyites grew darker and spread
further. Then in April came Macaulay’s
article in the Edinburgh, setting out with his
own incomparable directness, pungency, and effect,
all the arguments on the side of that popular antagonism
which was rooted far less in specific reasoning than
in a general anti-sacerdotal instinct that lies deep
in the hearts of Englishmen. John Sterling called
the famous article the assault of an equipped and
practised sophist against a crude young platonist,
who happens by accident to have been taught the hard
and broken dialect of Aristotle rather than the deep,
continuous, and musical flow of his true and ultimate
master. Author and critic exchanged magnanimous
letters worthy of two great and honourable men.
Not the least wonderful thing about Macaulay’s
review is that he should not have seen how many of
his own most trenchant considerations told no more
strongly against Mr. Gladstone’s theory, than
they told against that whig theory of establishment
which at the end of his article he himself tried to
set up in its place.
Praise indeed came, and praise that
no good man could have treated with indifference,
from men like Keble, and it came from other quarters
whence it was perhaps not quite so welcome, and not
much more dangerous. He heard (March 19) that
the Duke of Sussex, at Lord Durham’s, had been
strongly condemning the book; and by an odd contrast
just after, as he was standing in conversation with
George Sinclair, O’Connell with evident purpose
came up and began to thank him for a most valuable
work; for the doctrine of the authority of the church
and infallibility in essentials a great
approximation to the church of Rome an excellent
sign in one who if he lived, etc. etc.
It did not go far enough for the Roman catholic Archbishop
of Tuan; but Dr. Murray, the Archbishop of Dublin,
was delighted with it; he termed it an honest book,
while as to the charges against romanism Mr. Gladstone
was misinformed. ’I merely said I was very
glad to approximate to any one on the ground of truth;
i.e. rejoiced when truth immediately wrought
out, in whatever degree, its own legitimate result
of unity. O’Connell said he claimed half
of me.... Count Montalembert came to me to-day
(March 23rd), and sat long, for the purpose of ingenuously
and kindly impugning certain statements in my book,
viz. (1) That the peculiar tendency of the policy
of romanism before the reformation went to limit in
the mass of men intellectual exercise upon religion.
(2) That the doctrine of purgatory adjourned until
after death, more or less, the idea and practice of
the practical work of religion. (3) That the Roman
catholic church restricts the reading of the scriptures
by the Christian people. He spoke of the evils;
I contended we had a balance of good, and that the
idea of duty in individuals was more developed here
than in pure Roman catholic countries.’
THE BOOK
TOO LATE
All was of no avail. ‘Scarcely
had my work issued from the press,’ wrote Mr.
Gladstone thirty years later, ’when I became
aware that there was no party, no section of a party,
no individual person probably, in the House of Commons,
who was prepared to act upon it. I found myself
the last man on a sinking ship.’ Exclusive
support to the established religion of the country
had been the rule; ’but when I bade it live,
it was just about to die. It was really a quickened,
not a deadened conscience, in the country, that insisted
on enlarging the circle of state support.’
The result was not wholly unexpected, for in the summer
of 1838 while actually writing the book, he records
that he ’told Pusey for himself alone, I thought
my own church and state principles within one stage
of being hopeless as regards success in this generation.’
Another set of fragmentary notes,
composed in 1894, and headed ’Some of my Errors,’
contains a further passage that points in a significant
direction:
Oxford had not taught me, nor had any
other place or person, the value of liberty as
an essential condition of excellence in human things.
True, Oxford had supplied me with the means of applying
a remedy to this mischief, for she had undoubtedly
infused into my mind the love of truth as a dominant
and supreme motive of conduct. But this
it took long to develop into its proper place and
function. It may, perhaps, be thought that
among these errors I ought to record the publication
in 1838 of my first work, The State in its
Relation with the Church. Undoubtedly that
work was written in total disregard or rather
ignorance of the conditions under which alone
political action was possible in matters of religion.
It involved me personally in a good deal of embarrassment....
In the sanguine fervour of youth, having now learned
something about the nature of the church and its office,
and noting the many symptoms of revival and reform
within her borders, I dreamed that she was capable
of recovering lost ground, and of bringing back
the nation to unity in her communion. A notable
projection from the ivory gate,
’Sed
falsa ad coelum mittunt insomnia manes.’
From these points of view the effort
seems contemptible. But I think that there
is more to be said. The land was overspread with
a thick curtain of prejudice. The foundations
of the historic church of England, except in
the minds of a few divines, were obscured. The
evangelical movement, with all its virtues and merits,
had the vice of individualising religion in degree
perhaps unexampled, and of rendering the language
of holy scripture about Mount Sion and the kingdom
of heaven little better than a jargon.... To meet
the demands of the coming time, it was a matter
of vital necessity to cut a way through all this
darkness to a clearer and more solid position.
Immense progress has been made in that direction during
my lifetime, and I am inclined to hope that my
book imparted a certain amount of stimulus to
the public mind, and made some small contribution
to the needful process in its earliest stage.
In the early pages of this very book,
Mr. Gladstone says, that the union of church and state
is to the church of secondary though great importance;
her foundations are on the holy hills and her
condition would be no pitiable one, should she once
more occupy the position that she held before the
reign of Constantine. Faint echo of the unforgotten
lines in which Dante cries out to Constantine what
woes his fatal dower to the papacy had brought down
on religion and mankind. In these sentences lay
a germ that events were speedily to draw towards maturity,
a foreshadowing of the supreme principle that neither
Oxford nor any other place had yet taught him, ’the
value of liberty as an essential condition of excellence
in human things.’
WRITES CHURCH
PRINCIPLES
This revelation only turned his zeal
for religion as the paramount issue of the time and
of all times into another channel. Feeling the
overwhelming strength of the tide that was running
against his view of what he counted vital aspects
of the church as a national institution, he next flew
to the new task of working out the doctrinal mysteries
that this institution embodied, and with Mr. Gladstone
to work out a thing in his own mind always meant to
expound and to enforce for the minds of others.
His pen was to him at once as sword and as buckler;
and while the book on Church and State, though
exciting lively interest, was evidently destined to
make no converts in theory and to be pretty promptly
cast aside in practice, he soon set about a second
work on Church Principles. It is true
that with the tenacious instinct of a born controversialist,
he still gave a good deal of time to constructing
buttresses for the weaker places that had been discovered
by enemies or by himself in the earlier edifice, and
in 1841 he published a revised version of Church
and State. But ecclesiastical discussion was
by then taking a new shape, and the fourth edition
fell flat. Of Church Principles, we may
say that it was stillborn. Lockhart said of it,
that though a hazy writer, Gladstone showed himself
a considerable divine, and it was a pity that he had
entered parliament instead of taking orders.
The divinity, however, did not attract. The public
are never very willing to listen to a political layman
discussing the arcana of theology, and least of all
were they inclined to listen to him about the new-found
arcana of anglo-catholic theology. As Macaulay
said, this time it was a theological treatise, not
an essay upon important questions of government; and
the intrepid reviewer rightly sought a more fitting
subject for his magician’s gifts in the dramatists
of the Restoration. Newman said of it, ’Gladstone’s
book is not open to the objections I feared; it is
doctrinaire, and (I think) somewhat self-confident;
but it will do good.’
III
A few sentences more will set before
us the earliest of his transitions, and its gradual
dates. He is writing about the first election
at Newark:
It was a curious piece of experience
to a youth in his twenty-third year, young of
his age, who had seen little or nothing of the world,
who resigned himself to politics, but whose desire
had been for the ministry of God. The remains
of this desire operated unfortunately. They
made me tend to glorify in an extravagant manner
and degree not only the religious character of the
state, which in reality stood low, but also the
religious mission of the conservative party.
There was in my eyes a certain element of Antichrist
in the Reform Act, and that act was cordially hated,
though the leaders soon perceived that there would
be no step backward. It was only under the
second government of Sir Robert Peel that I learned
how impotent and barren was the conservative office
for the church, though that government was formed of
men able, upright, and extremely well-disposed.
It was well for me that the unfolding destiny
carried me off in a considerable degree from political
ecclesiasticism of which I should at that time have
made a sad mess. Providence directed that
my mind should find its food in other pastures
than those in which my youthfulness would have loved
to seek it. I went beyond the general views of
the tory party in state churchism, ... it was
my opinion that as to religions other than those
of the state, the state should tolerate only and not
pay. So I was against salaries for prison chaplains
not of the church, and I applied a logic plaster
to all difficulties.... So that Macaulay
... was justified in treating me as belonging to the
ultra section of the tories, had he limited himself
to ecclesiastical questions.
In 1840, when he received Manning’s
imprimatur for Church Principles, he notes
how hard the time and circumstances were in which he
had to steer his little bark. ’But the
polestar is clear. Reflection shows me that a
political position is mainly valuable as instrumental
for the good of the church, and under this rule every
question becomes one of detail only.’ By
1842 reflection had taken him a step further:
I now approach the mezzo del cammin;
my years glide away. It is time to look
forward to the close, and I do look forward. My
life ... has two prospective objects, for which
I hope the performance of my present public duties
may, if not qualify, yet extrinsically enable
me. One, the adjustment of certain relations of
the church to the state. Not that I think
the action of the latter can be harmonised to
the laws of the former. We have passed the point
at which that was possible.... But it would
be much if the state would honestly aim at enabling
the church to develop her own intrinsic means.
To this I look. The second is, unfolding the catholic
system within her in some establishment or machinery
looking both towards the higher life, and towards
the external warfare against ignorance and depravity.
INTERNAL
CONFLICT
In the autumn of 1843, Mr. Gladstone
explains to his father the relative positions of secular
and church affairs in his mind, and this is only a
few months after what to most men is the absorbing
moment of accession to cabinet and its responsibilities.
‘I contemplate secular affairs,’ he says,
’chiefly as a means of being useful in church
affairs, though I likewise think it right and prudent
not to meddle in church matters for any small reason.
I am not making known anything new to you....
These were the sentiments with which I entered public
life, and although I do not at all repent of [having
entered it, and] am not disappointed in the character
of the employments it affords, certainly the experience
of them in no way and at no time has weakened my original
impressions.’ At the end of 1843 he reached
what looked like a final stage:
Of public life, I certainly must say,
every year shows me more and more that the idea
of Christian politics cannot be realised in the state
according to its present conditions of existence.
For purposes sufficient, I believe, but partial
and finite, I am more than content to be where
I am. But the perfect freedom of the new covenant
can only, it seems to me, be breathed in other air;
and the day may come when God may grant to me
the application of this conviction to myself.