O! I could whisper thee a tale,
That surely would thy pity move,
But what would idle words avail,
Unless the heart might speak its love?
To tell that tale my pen were weak,
My tongue its office, too, denies,
Then mark it on my varying cheek,
And read it in my languid eyes.
Anonymous.
After the expiration of a fortnight,
Pownal could find no excuses to satisfy even himself
with remaining longer at Judge Bernard’s.
The visit had been, indeed, one of great enjoyment,
and gladly would he have availed himself of the pressing
invitation of his host to prolong it, could he have
conjured up any reason for doing so. Lightly would
he have esteemed and cheerfully welcomed another wound
like that from which he was recovering, could the
pleasure have been thus purchased. The truth
is that within a few days he had been conscious of
a feeling of which he had never before suspected himself,
and it was this feeling that made him so reluctant
to depart. And yet, when, in the silence of his
chamber, and away from the blue eyes of Anne Bernard,
he reflected upon his position, he was obliged to confess,
with a sigh, that prudence required he should leave
a society as dangerous as it was sweet. To be
in the same house with her, to breathe the same air,
to read the same books, to hear her voice was a luxury
it was hard to forego, but in proportion to the difficulty
was the necessity. Besides he could not avoid
fancying that young Bernard, though not cold, was
hardly as cordial as formerly, and that he would regard
with satisfaction a separation from his sister.
Nor had he reason to suppose that she looked upon
him with feelings other than those which she entertained
for any other acquaintance standing to her in the
same relation as himself. Beyond the ordinary
compliments and little attentions which the manners
of the day permitted, nothing had passed between them,
and though satisfied he was not an object of aversion,
he knew as well that she had never betrayed any partiality
for him. Meanwhile, his own feelings were becoming
interested, beyond, perhaps, the power of control,
the sooner, therefore, he weaned himself from the
delightful fascination, the better for his peace of
mind.
Thomas Pownal was comparatively a
stranger in the neighborhood, only two or three months
having elapsed since he had been sent by the mercantile
firm of Bloodgood, Pownal, & Co., of New York, to take
charge of a branch of their business at Hillsdale.
Even in that short space of time, by his affable manners
and attention to business he had won his way to the
respect and esteem of the good people of the town,
and was looked upon as one likely to succeed in the
lottery of life. No one was more welcome, by
reason of his amiable character, to those of his own
age, while his steadiness recommended him to his elders.
But his family was unknown, though he was supposed
to be a distant relation of the second member of the
firm, nor had he any visible means of subsistence
except the very respectable salary, which, as a confidential
clerk, he received from his employers, on whom his
prospects of success depended. The chasm, therefore,
betwixt the only daughter of the wealthy Mr. Bernard
and himself, was wide wide enough to check
even an overweening confidence. But such it was
not in the nature of Pownal to feel. He was sensible
of the full force of the difficulties he had to encounter;
to his modesty they seemed insuperable, and he determined
to drive from his heart a sentiment that, in his despondency,
he blamed himself for allowing to find a place there.
It took him some days to form the
resolution, and after it was formed, it was not easy
to carry it into effect. More than once he had
been on the point of returning thanks for the kindness
he had received, and avowing his intention to depart,
but it seemed as if the veriest trifle were sufficient
to divert him from his purpose. If Mr. Bernard
spoke of the satisfaction he derived from his company,
if Mrs. Bernard declared she should miss him when
he left; or if Anne’s radiant face looked thanks
for his reading aloud, they were all so many solicitations
to delay his departure. The treacherous heart
readily listened to the seduction, however much the
judgment might disapprove. But, as we have seen,
a time had come when the voice of prudence could no
longer be silenced, and, however unwillingly, must
be obeyed. He, therefore, took occasion, one
morning, at the breakfast table, to announce his intended
departure.
“Had I been a son,” he
said, in conclusion, “you could not have lavished
more kindness upon me, and I shall never forget it.”
“What! what!” cried the
Judge, “I am not sure that the shooting one’s
self is a bailable offence, and I shall be obliged
to examine the authorities, before I discharge you
from custody, Master Thomas.”
“To think,” said Mrs.
Bernard, “it does not seem a week since you
came, and we have all been so happy. I declare,
Mr. Pownal, I shall not know how to do without you.”
“The dearest friends must part but
we shall always be glad to see you, Tom,” said
William Bernard.
“I do not see the necessity
for your going,” said the Judge. “Our
house is large enough for all; your attacks at table
are not yet very formidable; and I have not taught
you whist perfectly. Would it not be better to
substitute a curia vult avisare in place of
a decision? But, Anne, have you nothing to say?
Is this your gratitude for all Thomas’s martyrdoms
of readings of I know not what unimaginable nonsense;
and holdings of skeins of silk, more difficult to unwind
than the labyrinth through which Ariadne’s thread
conducted Theseus; and pickings up of whatever your
feminine carelessness chose to drop on the carpet;
and endurance of all the legions of annoyances with
which young ladies delight to harass young gentlemen?
Have you no backing for your mother and me? One
word from you ought to be worth a thousand from us
old folks.”
“Mr. Pownal owes me some gratitude,
too, father,” said Anne, “for the patience
and accomplishments I have taught him. But he
surely knows how much pleasure his presence confers
on all in this house. We shall miss him very
much, shall we not, Beau?” addressing
a little spaniel that, upon being spoken to, sat up
on his hind legs to beg for breakfast.
“I have several times endeavored
to say this before,” said Pownal, somewhat piqued,
and feeling a strong desire to kick the innocent cur
out of the room, “but have never been able to
muster sufficient courage. And now, if my thanks
appear cold, as I am afraid they do to Miss Bernard,
I assure her it is not the fault of my heart, but of
my tongue.”
“Hearts and tongues!”
exclaimed the Judge. “The former belong
to the ladies’ department; the latter to mine.
Yet, I fancy I know something about hearts, too; and
yours, Thomas, I am sure, is adequate security for
your words.”
“You are very good, sir,”
said Pownal, “and I can only wish that all participated
in your undeserved partiality.”
Anne was vexed with herself for having
spoken in so trifling a manner. The frigid politeness
of her brother’s speech, too, had not escaped
her notice. It seemed to her now, that she had
been wantonly rude. She hastened, therefore,
to repair the fault.
“Mr. Pownal mistakes,”
she said, “if he thinks me unmindful of the
pleasant hours his unfortunate accident procured us.
And I am sure I should be a monster of ingratitude,”
she added smiling, and relapsing, in spite of herself,
into the very trifling she had condemned, “if
I did not remember, with lively emotions, his skill
at holding silk and yarn.”
“Well, whenever you want a reel,
send for me,” said Pownal, “and I shall
only be too happy to come.”
“Take care, my good fellow,”
said the Judge, “she does not wind you up, too.”
“I should be too happy ” began
Pownal.
“For shame, father,” cried
Anne, laughing, and rising from the table. “The
young men have quite spoiled you, of late. Good-bye;
you have finished your last cup of coffee, and have
no longer need of me.” So saying, she hastened
out of the room.
It was with mutual regret that the
parting took place, and not without many promises
required of the young man that he would frequently
visit the family. His landlady, Mrs. Brown, was,
as usual, all smiles, and welcomes, and congratulations
on his return; notwithstanding which, it was with
a sense of loneliness, amounting almost to desolation,
that her lodger found himself installed again in his
apartments. It seemed like passing out of the
golden sunshine into a gloomy cavern. Was it
possible that two short weeks could have produced so
great a change in him? When he thought upon the
cause, the conscious blush revealed its nature.
“No,” said he, aloud, as he paced backwards
and forwards in the room, “this is folly and
madness. For me, a humble clerk, to connect myself,
even in imagination, with her! What have
I to offer her? Or what even in prospect?
I have been sailing in the clouds, and my tattered
balloon is precipitated to the earth I have
been dreaming. How delicious was the dream!
But I am now awake, and will never expose myself to
the mortification of . I have
been foolish. No, not so; for, who could come
within the range of such fascinations, and not be
charmed? But what, after all, are they to me?
I will resist this weakness, and learn to regard her
as only any other valued acquaintance; for, alas!
she can never be more.”
In such incoherent expressions, poor
Pownal gave vent to the emotions that agitated him.
It would have been some consolation, could he have
known what was said at the Bernards’, when the
family gathered around the table in the evening.
Mrs. Bernard alluded more than once to the gap his
absence made in their little circle; and the Judge,
in his jesting way, wished that somebody would shoot
him again, if it might be the means to bring him back.
Even Anne expressed regret at his loss, since his
company had been such a pleasure to her parents.