Fyne was not willing to talk; but
as I had been already let into the secret, the fair-minded
little man recognized that I had some right to information
if I insisted on it. And I did insist, after
the third game. We were yet some way from the
end of our journey.
“Oh, if you want to know,”
was his somewhat impatient opening. And then
he talked rather volubly. First of all his wife
had not given him to read the letter received from
Flora (I had suspected him of having it in his pocket),
but had told him all about the contents. It was
not at all what it should have been even if the girl
had wished to affirm her right to disregard the feelings
of all the world. Her own had been trampled in
the dirt out of all shape. Extraordinary thing
to say I would admit, for a young girl
of her age. The whole tone of that letter was
wrong, quite wrong. It was certainly not the
product of a say, of a well-balanced mind.
“If she were given some sort
of footing in this world,” I said, “if
only no bigger than the palm of my hand, she would
probably learn to keep a better balance.”
Fyne ignored this little remark.
His wife, he said, was not the sort of person to
be addressed mockingly on a serious subject.
There was an unpleasant strain of levity in that letter,
extending even to the references to Captain Anthony
himself. Such a disposition was enough, his
wife had pointed out to him, to alarm one for the future,
had all the circumstances of that preposterous project
been as satisfactory as in fact they were not.
Other parts of the letter seemed to have a challenging
tone as if daring them (the Fynes) to approve
her conduct. And at the same time implying that
she did not care, that it was for their own sakes
that she hoped they would “go against the world the
horrid world which had crushed poor papa.”
Fyne called upon me to admit that
this was pretty cool considering.
And there was another thing, too. It seems that
for the last six months (she had been assisting two
ladies who kept a kindergarten school in Bayswater a
mere pittance), Flora had insisted on devoting all
her spare time to the study of the trial. She
had been looking up files of old newspapers, and working
herself up into a state of indignation with what she
called the injustice and the hypocrisy of the prosecution.
Her father, Fyne reminded me, had made some palpable
hits in his answers in Court, and she had fastened
on them triumphantly. She had reached the conclusion
of her father’s innocence, and had been brooding
over it. Mrs. Fyne had pointed out to him the
danger of this.
The train ran into the station and
Fyne, jumping out directly it came to a standstill,
seemed glad to cut short the conversation. We
walked in silence a little way, boarded a bus, then
walked again. I don’t suppose that since
the days of his childhood, when surely he was taken
to see the Tower, he had been once east of Temple
Bar. He looked about him sullenly; and when
I pointed out in the distance the rounded front of
the Eastern Hotel at the bifurcation of two very broad,
mean, shabby thoroughfares, rising like a grey stucco
tower above the lowly roofs of the dirty-yellow, two-storey
houses, he only grunted disapprovingly.
“I wouldn’t lay too much
stress on what you have been telling me,” I
observed quietly as we approached that unattractive
building. “No man will believe a girl
who has just accepted his suit to be not well balanced, you
know.”
“Oh! Accepted his suit,”
muttered Fyne, who seemed to have been very thoroughly
convinced indeed. “It may have been the
other way about.” And then he added:
“I am going through with it.”
I said that this was very praiseworthy
but that a certain moderation of statement . . .
He waved his hand at me and mended his pace.
I guessed that he was anxious to get his mission over
as quickly as possible. He barely gave himself
time to shake hands with me and made a rush at the
narrow glass door with the words Hotel Entrance on
it. It swung to behind his back with no more
noise than the snap of a toothless jaw.
The absurd temptation to remain and
see what would come of it got over my better judgment.
I hung about irresolute, wondering how long an embassy
of that sort would take, and whether Fyne on coming
out would consent to be communicative. I feared
he would be shocked at finding me there, would consider
my conduct incorrect, conceivably treat me with contempt.
I walked off a few paces. Perhaps it would be
possible to read something on Fyne’s face as
he came out; and, if necessary, I could always eclipse
myself discreetly through the door of one of the bars.
The ground floor of the Eastern Hotel was an unabashed
pub, with plate-glass fronts, a display of brass rails,
and divided into many compartments each having its
own entrance.
But of course all this was silly.
The marriage, the love, the affairs of Captain Anthony
were none of my business. I was on the point
of moving down the street for good when my attention
was attracted by a girl approaching the hotel entrance
from the west. She was dressed very modestly
in black. It was the white straw hat of a good
form and trimmed with a bunch of pale roses which
had caught my eye. The whole figure seemed familiar.
Of course! Flora de Barral. She was making
for the hotel, she was going in. And Fyne was
with Captain Anthony! To meet him could not
be pleasant for her. I wished to save her from
the awkwardness, and as I hesitated what to do she
looked up and our eyes happened to meet just as she
was turning off the pavement into the hotel doorway.
Instinctively I extended my arm. It was enough
to make her stop. I suppose she had some faint
notion that she had seen me before somewhere.
She walked slowly forward, prudent and attentive,
watching my faint smile.
“Excuse me,” I said directly
she had approached me near enough. “Perhaps
you would like to know that Mr. Fyne is upstairs with
Captain Anthony at this moment.”
She uttered a faint “Ah!
Mr. Fyne!” I could read in her eyes that she
had recognized me now. Her serious expression
extinguished the imbecile grin of which I was conscious.
I raised my hat. She responded with a slow
inclination of the head while her luminous, mistrustful,
maiden’s glance seemed to whisper, “What
is this one doing here?”
“I came up to town with Fyne
this morning,” I said in a businesslike tone.
“I have to see a friend in East India Dock.
Fyne and I parted this moment at the door here .
. . " The girl regarded me with darkening eyes .
. . “Mrs. Fyne did not come with her husband,”
I went on, then hesitated before that white face so
still in the pearly shadow thrown down by the hat-brim.
“But she sent him,” I murmured by way
of warning.
Her eyelids fluttered slowly over
the fixed stare. I imagine she was not much
disconcerted by this development. “I live
a long way from here,” she whispered.
I said perfunctorily, “Do you?”
And we remained gazing at each other. The uniform
paleness of her complexion was not that of an anæmic
girl. It had a transparent vitality and at that
particular moment the faintest possible rosy tinge,
the merest suspicion of colour; an equivalent, I suppose,
in any other girl to blushing like a peony while she
told me that Captain Anthony had arranged to show
her the ship that morning.
It was easy to understand that she
did not want to meet Fyne. And when I mentioned
in a discreet murmur that he had come because of her
letter she glanced at the hotel door quickly, and
moved off a few steps to a position where she could
watch the entrance without being seen. I followed
her. At the junction of the two thoroughfares
she stopped in the thin traffic of the broad pavement
and turned to me with an air of challenge. “And
so you know.”
I told her that I had not seen the
letter. I had only heard of it. She was
a little impatient. “I mean all about me.”
Yes. I knew all about her.
The distress of Mr. and Mrs. Fyne especially
of Mrs. Fyne was so great that they would
have shared it with anybody almost not
belonging to their circle of friends. I happened
to be at hand that was all.
“You understand that I am not
their friend. I am only a holiday acquaintance.”
“She was not very much upset?”
queried Flora de Barral, meaning, of course, Mrs.
Fyne. And I admitted that she was less so than
her husband and even less than myself.
Mrs. Fyne was a very self-possessed person which
nothing could startle out of her extreme theoretical
position. She did not seem startled when Fyne
and I proposed going to the quarry.
“You put that notion into their heads,”
the girl said.
I advanced that the notion was in
their heads already. But it was much more vividly
in my head since I had seen her up there with my own
eyes, tempting Providence.
She was looking at me with extreme
attention, and murmured:
“Is that what you called it to them? Tempting
. . . "
“No. I told them that
you were making up your mind and I came along just
then. I told them that you were saved by me.
My shout checked you . . . " She moved her head
gently from right to left in negation . . . “No?
Well, have it your own way.”
I thought to myself: She has
found another issue. She wants to forget now.
And no wonder. She wants to persuade herself
that she had never known such an ugly and poignant
minute in her life. “After all,”
I conceded aloud, “things are not always what
they seem.”
Her little head with its deep blue
eyes, eyes of tenderness and anger under the black
arch of fine eyebrows was very still. The mouth
looked very red in the white face peeping from under
the veil, the little pointed chin had in its form
something aggressive. Slight and even angular
in her modest black dress she was an appealing and yes she
was a desirable little figure.
Her lips moved very fast asking me:
“And they believed you at once?”
“Yes, they believed me at once. Mrs. Fyne’s
word to us was “Go!”
A white gleam between the red lips
was so short that I remained uncertain whether it
was a smile or a ferocious baring of little even teeth.
The rest of the face preserved its innocent, tense
and enigmatical expression. She spoke rapidly.
“No, it wasn’t your shout.
I had been there some time before you saw me.
And I was not there to tempt Providence, as you call
it. I went up there for for what
you thought I was going to do. Yes. I climbed
two fences. I did not mean to leave anything
to Providence. There seem to be people for whom
Providence can do nothing. I suppose you are
shocked to hear me talk like that?”
I shook my head. I was not shocked.
What had kept her back all that time, till I appeared
on the scene below, she went on, was neither fear
nor any other kind of hesitation. One reaches
a point, she said with appalling youthful simplicity,
where nothing that concerns one matters any longer.
But something did keep her back. I should have
never guessed what it was. She herself confessed
that it seemed absurd to say. It was the Fyne
dog.
Flora de Barral paused, looking at
me, with a peculiar expression and then went on.
You see, she imagined the dog had become extremely
attached to her. She took it into her head that
he might fall over or jump down after her. She
tried to drive him away. She spoke sternly to
him. It only made him more frisky. He barked
and jumped about her skirt in his usual, idiotic,
high spirits. He scampered away in circles between
the pines charging upon her and leaping as high as
her waist. She commanded, “Go away.
Go home.” She even picked up from the
ground a bit of a broken branch and threw it at him.
At this his delight knew no bounds; his rushes became
faster, his yapping louder; he seemed to be having
the time of his life. She was convinced that
the moment she threw herself down he would spring
over after her as if it were part of the game.
She was vexed almost to tears. She was touched
too. And when he stood still at some distance
as if suddenly rooted to the ground wagging his tail
slowly and watching her intensely with his shining
eyes another fear came to her. She imagined
herself gone and the creature sitting on the brink,
its head thrown up to the sky and howling for hours.
This thought was not to be borne. Then my shout
reached her ears.
She told me all this with simplicity.
My voice had destroyed her poise the suicide
poise of her mind. Every act of ours, the most
criminal, the most mad presupposes a balance of thought,
feeling and will, like a correct attitude for an effective
stroke in a game. And I had destroyed it.
She was no longer in proper form for the act.
She was not very much annoyed. Next day would
do. She would have to slip away without attracting
the notice of the dog. She thought of the necessity
almost tenderly. She came down the path carrying
her despair with lucid calmness. But when she
saw herself deserted by the dog, she had an impulse
to turn round, go up again and be done with it.
Not even that animal cared for her in
the end.
“I really did think that he
was attached to me. What did he want to pretend
for, like this? I thought nothing could hurt
me any more. Oh yes. I would have gone
up, but I felt suddenly so tired. So tired.
And then you were there. I didn’t know
what you would do. You might have tried to follow
me and I didn’t think I could run not
up hill not then.”
She had raised her white face a little,
and it was queer to hear her say these things.
At that time of the morning there are comparatively
few people out in that part of the town. The
broad interminable perspective of the East India Dock
Road, the great perspective of drab brick walls, of
grey pavement, of muddy roadway rumbling dismally with
loaded carts and vans lost itself in the distance,
imposing and shabby in its spacious meanness of aspect,
in its immeasurable poverty of forms, of colouring,
of life under a harsh, unconcerned sky dried
by the wind to a clear blue. It had been raining
during the night. The sunshine itself seemed
poor. From time to time a few bits of paper,
a little dust and straw whirled past us on the broad
flat promontory of the pavement before the rounded
front of the hotel.
Flora de Barral was silent for a while. I said:
“And next day you thought better of it.”
Again she raised her eyes to mine
with that peculiar expression of informed innocence;
and again her white cheeks took on the faintest tinge
of pink the merest shadow of a blush.
“Next day,” she uttered
distinctly, “I didn’t think. I remembered.
That was enough. I remembered what I should
never have forgotten. Never. And Captain
Anthony arrived at the cottage in the evening.”
“Ah yes. Captain Anthony,”
I murmured. And she repeated also in a murmur,
“Yes! Captain Anthony.” The
faint flush of warm life left her face. I subdued
my voice still more and not looking at her: “You
found him sympathetic?” I ventured.
Her long dark lashes went down a little
with an air of calculated discretion. At least
so it seemed to me. And yet no one could say
that I was inimical to that girl. But there
you are! Explain it as you may, in this world
the friendless, like the poor, are always a little
suspect, as if honesty and delicacy were only possible
to the privileged few.
“Why do you ask?” she
said after a time, raising her eyes suddenly to mine
in an effect of candour which on the same principle
(of the disinherited not being to be trusted) might
have been judged equivocal.
“If you mean what right I have
. . . " She move slightly a hand in a worn brown
glove as much as to say she could not question anyone’s
right against such an outcast as herself.
I ought to have been moved perhaps;
but I only noted the total absence of humility . .
. “No right at all,” I continued,
“but just interest. Mrs. Fyne it’s
too difficult to explain how it came about has
talked to me of you well extensively.”
No doubt Mrs. Fyne had told me the
truth, Flora said brusquely with an unexpected hoarseness
of tone. This very dress she was wearing had
been given her by Mrs. Fyne. Of course I looked
at it. It could not have been a recent gift.
Close-fitting and black, with heliotrope silk facings
under a figured net, it looked far from new, just on
this side of shabbiness; in fact, it accentuated the
slightness of her figure, it went well in its suggestion
of half mourning with the white face in which the
unsmiling red lips alone seemed warm with the rich
blood of life and passion.
Little Fyne was staying up there an
unconscionable time. Was he arguing, preaching,
remonstrating? Had he discovered in himself a
capacity and a taste for that sort of thing?
Or was he perhaps, in an intense dislike for the
job, beating about the bush and only puzzling Captain
Anthony, the providential man, who, if he expected
the girl to appear at any moment, must have been on
tenterhooks all the time, and beside himself with
impatience to see the back of his brother-in-law.
How was it that he had not got rid of Fyne long before
in any case? I don’t mean by actually
throwing him out of the window, but in some other resolute
manner.
Surely Fyne had not impressed him.
That he was an impressionable man I could not doubt.
The presence of the girl there on the pavement before
me proved this up to the hilt and, well,
yes, touchingly enough.
It so happened that in their wanderings
to and fro our glances met. They met and remained
in contact more familiar than a hand-clasp, more communicative,
more expressive. There was something comic too
in the whole situation, in the poor girl and myself
waiting together on the broad pavement at a corner
public-house for the issue of Fyne’s ridiculous
mission. But the comic when it is human becomes
quickly painful. Yes, she was infinitely anxious.
And I was asking myself whether this poignant tension
of her suspense depended to put it plainly on
hunger or love.
The answer would have been of some
interest to Captain Anthony. For my part, in
the presence of a young girl I always become convinced
that the dreams of sentiment like the consoling
mysteries of Faith are invincible; that
it is never never reason which governs men and women.
Yet what sentiment could there have
been on her part? I remembered her tone only
a moment since when she said: “That evening
Captain Anthony arrived at the cottage.”
And considering, too, what the arrival of Captain
Anthony meant in this connection, I wondered at the
calmness with which she could mention that fact.
He arrived at the cottage. In the evening.
I knew that late train. He probably walked from
the station. The evening would be well advanced.
I could almost see a dark indistinct figure opening
the wicket gate of the garden. Where was she?
Did she see him enter? Was she somewhere near
by and did she hear without the slightest premonition
his chance and fateful footsteps on the flagged path
leading to the cottage door? In the shadow of
the night made more cruelly sombre for her by the
very shadow of death he must have appeared too strange,
too remote, too unknown to impress himself on her thought
as a living force such a force as a man
can bring to bear on a woman’s destiny.
She glanced towards the hotel door
again; I followed suit and then our eyes met once
more, this time intentionally. A tentative, uncertain
intimacy was springing up between us two. She
said simply: “You are waiting for Mr. Fyne
to come out; are you?”
I admitted to her that I was waiting
to see Mr. Fyne come out. That was all.
I had nothing to say to him.
“I have said yesterday all I
had to say to him,” I added meaningly.
“I have said it to them both, in fact.
I have also heard all they had to say.”
“About me?” she murmured.
“Yes. The conversation was about you.”
“I wonder if they told you everything.”
If she wondered I could do nothing
else but wonder too. But I did not tell her
that. I only smiled. The material point
was that Captain Anthony should be told everything.
But as to that I was very certain that the good sister
would see to it. Was there anything more to
disclose some other misery, some other deception
of which that girl had been a victim? It seemed
hardly probable. It was not even easy to imagine.
What struck me most was her I suppose I
must call it composure. One could
not tell whether she understood what she had done.
One wondered. She was not so much unreadable
as blank; and I did not know whether to admire her
for it or dismiss her from my thoughts as a passive
butt of ferocious misfortune.
Looking back at the occasion when
we first got on speaking terms on the road by the
quarry, I had to admit that she presented some points
of a problematic appearance. I don’t know
why I imagined Captain Anthony as the sort of man
who would not be likely to take the initiative; not
perhaps from indifference but from that peculiar timidity
before women which often enough is found in conjunction
with chivalrous instincts, with a great need for affection
and great stability of feelings. Such men are
easily moved. At the least encouragement they
go forward with the eagerness, with the recklessness
of starvation. This accounted for the suddenness
of the affair. No! With all her inexperience
this girl could not have found any great difficulty
in her conquering enterprise. She must have begun
it. And yet there she was, patient, almost unmoved,
almost pitiful, waiting outside like a beggar, without
a right to anything but compassion, for a promised
dole.
Every moment people were passing close
by us, singly, in two and threes; the inhabitants
of that end of the town where life goes on unadorned
by grace or splendour; they passed us in their shabby
garments, with sallow faces, haggard, anxious or weary,
or simply without expression, in an unsmiling sombre
stream not made up of lives but of mere unconsidered
existences whose joys, struggles, thoughts, sorrows
and their very hopes were miserable, glamourless,
and of no account in the world. And when one
thought of their reality to themselves one’s
heart became oppressed. But of all the individuals
who passed by none appeared to me for the moment so
pathetic in unconscious patience as the girl standing
before me; none more difficult to understand.
It is perhaps because I was thinking of things which
I could not ask her about.
In fact we had nothing to say to each
other; but we two, strangers as we really were to
each other, had dealt with the most intimate and final
of subjects, the subject of death. It had created
a sort of bond between us. It made our silence
weighty and uneasy. I ought to have left her
there and then; but, as I think I’ve told you
before, the fact of having shouted her away from the
edge of a precipice seemed somehow to have engaged
my responsibility as to this other leap. And
so we had still an intimate subject between us to
lend more weight and more uneasiness to our silence.
The subject of marriage. I use the word not
so much in reference to the ceremony itself (I had
no doubt of this, Captain Anthony being a decent fellow)
or in view of the social institution in general, as
to which I have no opinion, but in regard to the human
relation. The first two views are not particularly
interesting. The ceremony, I suppose, is adequate;
the institution, I dare say, is useful or it would
not have endured. But the human relation thus
recognized is a mysterious thing in its origins, character
and consequences. Unfortunately you can’t
buttonhole familiarly a young girl as you would a young
fellow. I don’t think that even another
woman could really do it. She would not be trusted.
There is not between women that fund of at least conditional
loyalty which men may depend on in their dealings with
each other. I believe that any woman would rather
trust a man. The difficulty in such a delicate
case was how to get on terms.
So we held our peace in the odious
uproar of that wide roadway thronged with heavy carts.
Great vans carrying enormous piled-up loads advanced
swaying like mountains. It was as if the whole
world existed only for selling and buying and those
who had nothing to do with the movement of merchandise
were of no account.
“You must be tired,” I
said. One had to say something if only to assert
oneself against that wearisome, passionless and crushing
uproar. She raised her eyes for a moment.
No, she was not. Not very. She had not
walked all the way. She came by train as far
as Whitechapel Station and had only walked from there.
She had had an ugly pilgrimage; but
whether of love or of necessity who could tell?
And that precisely was what I should have liked to
get at. This was not however a question to be
asked point-blank, and I could not think of any effective
circumlocution. It occurred to me too that she
might conceivably know nothing of it herself I
mean by reflection. That young woman had been
obviously considering death. She had gone the
length of forming some conception of it. But
as to its companion fatality love, she,
I was certain, had never reflected upon its meaning.
With that man in the hotel, whom I
did not know, and this girl standing before me in
the street I felt that it was an exceptional case.
He had broken away from his surroundings; she stood
outside the pale. One aspect of conventions
which people who declaim against them lose sight of
is that conventions make both joy and suffering easier
to bear in a becoming manner. But those two
were outside all conventions. They would be
as untrammelled in a sense as the first man and the
first woman. The trouble was that I could not
imagine anything about Flora de Barral and the brother
of Mrs. Fyne. Or, if you like, I could imagine
anything which comes practically to the same
thing. Darkness and chaos are first cousins.
I should have liked to ask the girl for a word which
would give my imagination its line. But how
was one to venture so far? I can be rough sometimes
but I am not naturally impertinent. I would have
liked to ask her for instance: “Do you
know what you have done with yourself?” A question
like that. Anyhow it was time for one of us to
say something. A question it must be. And
the question I asked was: “So he’s
going to show you the ship?”
She seemed glad I had spoken at last
and glad of the opportunity to speak herself.
“Yes. He said he would this
morning. Did you say you did not know Captain
Anthony?”
“No. I don’t know him. Is
he anything like his sister?”
She looked startled and murmured “Sister!”
in a puzzled tone which astonished me. “Oh!
Mrs. Fyne,” she exclaimed, recollecting herself,
and avoiding my eyes while I looked at her curiously.
What an extraordinary detachment!
And all the time the stream of shabby people was
hastening by us, with the continuous dreary shuffling
of weary footsteps on the flagstones. The sunshine
falling on the grime of surfaces, on the poverty of
tones and forms seemed of an inferior quality, its
joy faded, its brilliance tarnished and dusty.
I had to raise my voice in the dull vibrating noise
of the roadway.
“You don’t mean to say you have forgotten
the connection?”
She cried readily enough: “I
wasn’t thinking.” And then, while
I wondered what could have been the images occupying
her brain at this time, she asked me: “You
didn’t see my letter to Mrs. Fyne did
you?”
“No. I didn’t,”
I shouted. Just then the racket was distracting,
a pair-horse trolly lightly loaded with loose rods
of iron passing slowly very near us. “I
wasn’t trusted so far.” And remembering
Mrs. Fyne’s hints that the girl was unbalanced,
I added: “Was it an unreserved confession
you wrote?”
She did not answer me for a time,
and as I waited I thought that there’s nothing
like a confession to make one look mad; and that of
all confessions a written one is the most detrimental
all round. Never confess! Never, never!
An untimely joke is a source of bitter regret always.
Sometimes it may ruin a man; not because it is a joke,
but because it is untimely. And a confession
of whatever sort is always untimely. The only
thing which makes it supportable for a while is curiosity.
You smile? Ah, but it is so, or else people
would be sent to the rightabout at the second sentence.
How many sympathetic souls can you reckon on in the
world? One in ten, one in a hundred in
a thousand in ten thousand? Ah!
What a sell these confessions are! What a horrible
sell! You seek sympathy, and all you get is the
most evanescent sense of relief if you
get that much. For a confession, whatever it
may be, stirs the secret depths of the hearer’s
character. Often depths that he himself is but
dimly aware of. And so the righteous triumph
secretly, the lucky are amused, the strong are disgusted,
the weak either upset or irritated with you according
to the measure of their sincerity with themselves.
And all of them in their hearts brand you for either
mad or impudent . . . "
I had seldom seen Marlow so vehement,
so pessimistic, so earnestly cynical before.
I cut his declamation short by asking what answer
Flora de Barral had given to his question. “Did
the poor girl admit firing off her confidences at
Mrs. Fyne eight pages of close writing that
sort of thing?”
Marlow shook his head.
“She did not tell me.
I accepted her silence, as a kind of answer and remarked
that it would have been better if she had simply announced
the fact to Mrs. Fyne at the cottage. “Why
didn’t you do it?” I asked point-blank.
She said: “I am not a very
plucky girl.” She looked up at me and added
meaningly: “And you know it.
And you know why.”
I must remark that she seemed to have
become very subdued since our first meeting at the
quarry. Almost a different person from the defiant,
angry and despairing girl with quivering lips and
resentful glances.
“I thought it was very sensible
of you to get away from that sheer drop,” I
said.
She looked up with something of that old expression.
“That’s not what I mean.
I see you will have it that you saved my life.
Nothing of the kind. I was concerned for that
vile little beast of a dog. No! It was
the idea of of doing away with myself which
was cowardly. That’s what I meant by saying
I am not a very plucky girl.”
“Oh!” I retorted airily.
“That little dog. He isn’t really
a bad little dog.” But she lowered her
eyelids and went on:
“I was so miserable that I could
think only of myself. This was mean. It
was cruel too. And besides I had not given
it up not then.”
Marlow changed his tone.
“I don’t know much of
the psychology of self-destruction. It’s
a sort of subject one has few opportunities to study
closely. I knew a man once who came to my rooms
one evening, and while smoking a cigar confessed to
me moodily that he was trying to discover some graceful
way of retiring out of existence. I didn’t
study his case, but I had a glimpse of him the other
day at a cricket match, with some women, having a good
time. That seems a fairly reasonable attitude.
Considered as a sin, it is a case for repentance
before the throne of a merciful God. But I imagine
that Flora de Barral’s religion under the care
of the distinguished governess could have been nothing
but outward formality. Remorse in the sense
of gnawing shame and unavailing regret is only understandable
to me when some wrong had been done to a fellow-creature.
But why she, that girl who existed on sufferance,
so to speak why she should writhe inwardly
with remorse because she had once thought of getting
rid of a life which was nothing in every respect but
a curse that I could not understand.
I thought it was very likely some obscure influence
of common forms of speech, some traditional or inherited
feeling a vague notion that suicide is
a legal crime; words of old moralists and preachers
which remain in the air and help to form all the authorized
moral conventions. Yes, I was surprised at her
remorse. But lowering her glance unexpectedly
till her dark eye-lashes seemed to rest against her
white cheeks she presented a perfectly demure aspect.
It was so attractive that I could not help a faint
smile. That Flora de Barral should ever, in
any aspect, have the power to evoke a smile was the
very last thing I should have believed. She
went on after a slight hesitation:
“One day I started for there, for that place.”
Look at the influence of a mere play
of physiognomy! If you remember what we were
talking about you will hardly believe that I caught
myself grinning down at that demure little girl.
I must say too that I felt more friendly to her at
the moment than ever before.
“Oh, you did? To take
that jump? You are a determined young person.
Well, what happened that time?”
An almost imperceptible alteration
in her bearing; a slight droop of her head perhaps a
mere nothing made her look more demure than
ever.
“I had left the cottage,”
she began a little hurriedly. “I was walking
along the road you know, the road.
I had made up my mind I was not coming back this
time.”
I won’t deny that these words
spoken from under the brim of her hat (oh yes, certainly,
her head was down she had put it down) gave
me a thrill; for indeed I had never doubted her sincerity.
It could never have been a make-believe despair.
“Yes,” I whispered. “You were
going along the road.”
“When . . . " Again she hesitated
with an effect of innocent shyness worlds asunder
from tragic issues; then glided on . . . “When
suddenly Captain Anthony came through a gate out of
a field.”
I coughed down the beginning of a
most improper fit of laughter, and felt ashamed of
myself. Her eyes raised for a moment seemed full
of innocent suffering and unexpressed menace in the
depths of the dilated pupils within the rings of sombre
blue. It was how shall I say it? a
night effect when you seem to see vague shapes and
don’t know what reality you may come upon at
any time. Then she lowered her eyelids again,
shutting all mysteriousness out of the situation except
for the sobering memory of that glance, nightlike
in the sunshine, expressively still in the brutal
unrest of the street.
“So Captain Anthony joined you did
he?”
“He opened a field-gate and
walked out on the road. He crossed to my side
and went on with me. He had his pipe in his hand.
He said: ’Are you going far this morning?’”
These words (I was watching her white
face as she spoke) gave me a slight shudder.
She remained demure, almost prim. And I remarked:
“You have been talking together before, of course.”
“Not more than twenty words
altogether since he arrived,” she declared without
emphasis. “That day he had said ‘Good
morning’ to me when we met at breakfast two
hours before. And I said good morning to him.
I did not see him afterwards till he came out on
the road.”
I thought to myself that this was
not accidental. He had been observing her.
I felt certain also that he had not been asking any
questions of Mrs. Fyne.
“I wouldn’t look at him,”
said Flora de Barral. “I had done with
looking at people. He said to me: ’My
sister does not put herself out much for us.
We had better keep each other company. I have
read every book there is in that cottage.’
I walked on. He did not leave me. I thought
he ought to. But he didn’t. He didn’t
seem to notice that I would not talk to him.”
She was now perfectly still.
The wretched little parasol hung down against her
dress from her joined hands. I was rigid with
attention. It isn’t every day that one
culls such a volunteered tale on a girl’s lips.
The ugly street-noises swelling up for a moment covered
the next few words she said. It was vexing.
The next word I heard was “worried.”
“It worried you to have him there, walking by
your side.”
“Yes. Just that,”
she went on with downcast eyes. There was something
prettily comical in her attitude and her tone, while
I pictured to myself a poor white-faced girl walking
to her death with an unconscious man striding by her
side. Unconscious? I don’t know.
First of all, I felt certain that this was no chance
meeting. Something had happened before.
Was he a man for a coup-de-foudre, the lightning
stroke of love? I don’t think so.
That sort of susceptibility is luckily rare.
A world of inflammable lovers of the Romeo and Juliet
type would very soon end in barbarism and misery.
But it is a fact that in every man (not in every
woman) there lives a lover; a lover who is called out
in all his potentialities often by the most insignificant
little things as long as they come at the
psychological moment: the glimpse of a face at
an unusual angle, an evanescent attitude, the curve
of a cheek often looked at before, perhaps, but then,
at the moment, charged with astonishing significance.
These are great mysteries, of course. Magic
signs.
I don’t know in what the sign
consisted in this case. It might have been her
pallor (it wasn’t pasty nor yet papery) that
white face with eyes like blue gleams of fire and
lips like red coals. In certain lights, in certain
poises of head it suggested tragic sorrow. Or
it might have been her wavy hair. Or even just
that pointed chin stuck out a little, resentful and
not particularly distinguished, doing away with the
mysterious aloofness of her fragile presence.
But any way at a given moment Anthony must have suddenly
seen the girl. And then, that something
had happened to him. Perhaps nothing more than
the thought coming into his head that this was “a
possible woman.”
Followed this waylaying! Its
resolute character makes me think it was the chin’s
doing; that “common mortal” touch which
stands in such good stead to some women. Because
men, I mean really masculine men, those whose generations
have evolved an ideal woman, are often very timid.
Who wouldn’t be before the ideal? It’s
your sentimental trifler, who has just missed being
nothing at all, who is enterprising, simply because
it is easy to appear enterprising when one does not
mean to put one’s belief to the test.
Well, whatever it was that encouraged
him, Captain Anthony stuck to Flora de Barral in a
manner which in a timid man might have been called
heroic if it had not been so simple. Whether
policy, diplomacy, simplicity, or just inspiration,
he kept up his talk, rather deliberate, with very few
pauses. Then suddenly as if recollecting himself:
“It’s funny. I don’t
think you are annoyed with me for giving you my company
unasked. But why don’t you say something?”
I asked Miss de Barral what answer she made to this
query.
“I made no answer,” she
said in that even, unemotional low voice which seemed
to be her voice for delicate confidences. “I
walked on. He did not seem to mind. We
came to the foot of the quarry where the road winds
up hill, past the place where you were sitting by the
roadside that day. I began to wonder what I should
do. After we reached the top Captain Anthony
said that he had not been for a walk with a lady for
years and years almost since he was a boy.
We had then come to where I ought to have turned
off and struck across a field. I thought of making
a run of it. But he would have caught me up.
I knew he would; and, of course, he would not have
allowed me. I couldn’t give him the slip.”
“Why didn’t you ask him
to leave you?” I inquired curiously.
“He would not have taken any
notice,” she went on steadily. “And
what could I have done then? I could not have
started quarrelling with him could I?
I hadn’t enough energy to get angry. I
felt very tired suddenly. I just stumbled on
straight along the road. Captain Anthony told
me that the family some relations of his
mother he used to know in Liverpool was
broken up now, and he had never made any friends since.
All gone their different ways. All the girls
married. Nice girls they were and very friendly
to him when he was but little more than a boy.
He repeated: ‘Very nice, cheery, clever
girls.’ I sat down on a bank against a
hedge and began to cry.”
“You must have astonished him not a little,”
I observed.
Anthony, it seems, remained on the
road looking down at her. He did not offer to
approach her, neither did he make any other movement
or gesture. Flora de Barral told me all this.
She could see him through her tears, blurred to a
mere shadow on the white road, and then again becoming
more distinct, but always absolutely still and as
if lost in thought before a strange phenomenon which
demanded the closest possible attention.
Flora learned later that he had never
seen a woman cry; not in that way, at least.
He was impressed and interested by the mysteriousness
of the effect. She was very conscious of being
looked at, but was not able to stop herself crying.
In fact, she was not capable of any effort.
Suddenly he advanced two steps, stooped, caught hold
of her hands lying on her lap and pulled her up to
her feet; she found herself standing close to him
almost before she realized what he had done.
Some people were coming briskly along the road and
Captain Anthony muttered: “You don’t
want to be stared at. What about that stile over
there? Can we go back across the fields?”
She snatched her hands out of his
grasp (it seems he had omitted to let them go), marched
away from him and got over the stile. It was
a big field sprinkled profusely with white sheep.
A trodden path crossed it diagonally. After
she had gone more than half way she turned her head
for the first time. Keeping five feet or so behind,
Captain Anthony was following her with an air of extreme
interest. Interest or eagerness. At any
rate she caught an expression on his face which frightened
her. But not enough to make her run. And
indeed it would have had to be something incredibly
awful to scare into a run a girl who had come to the
end of her courage to live.
As if encouraged by this glance over
the shoulder Captain Anthony came up boldly, and now
that he was by her side, she felt his nearness intimately,
like a touch. She tried to disregard this sensation.
But she was not angry with him now. It wasn’t
worth while. She was thankful that he had the
sense not to ask questions as to this crying.
Of course he didn’t ask because he didn’t
care. No one in the world cared for her, neither
those who pretended nor yet those who did not pretend.
She preferred the latter.
Captain Anthony opened for her a gate
into another field; when they got through he kept
walking abreast, elbow to elbow almost. His voice
growled pleasantly in her very ear. Staying in
this dull place was enough to give anyone the blues.
His sister scribbled all day. It was positively
unkind. He alluded to his nieces as rude, selfish
monkeys, without either feelings or manners.
And he went on to talk about his ship being laid
up for a month and dismantled for repairs. The
worst was that on arriving in London he found he couldn’t
get the rooms he was used to, where they made him
as comfortable as such a confirmed sea-dog as himself
could be anywhere on shore.
In the effort to subdue by dint of
talking and to keep in check the mysterious, the profound
attraction he felt already for that delicate being
of flesh and blood, with pale cheeks, with darkened
eyelids and eyes scalded with hot tears, he went on
speaking of himself as a confirmed enemy of life on
shore a perfect terror to a simple man,
what with the fads and proprieties and the ceremonies
and affectations. He hated all that. He
wasn’t fit for it. There was no rest and
peace and security but on the sea.
This gave one a view of Captain Anthony
as a hermit withdrawn from a wicked world. It
was amusingly unexpected to me and nothing more.
But it must have appealed straight to that bruised
and battered young soul. Still shrinking from
his nearness she had ended by listening to him with
avidity. His deep murmuring voice soothed her.
And she thought suddenly that there was peace and
rest in the grave too.
She heard him say: “Look
at my sister. She isn’t a bad woman by
any means. She asks me here because it’s
right and proper, I suppose, but she has no use for
me. There you have your shore people. I
quite understand anybody crying. I would have
been gone already, only, truth to say, I haven’t
any friends to go to.” He added brusquely:
“And you?”
She made a slight negative sign.
He must have been observing her, putting two and
two together. After a pause he said simply:
“When I first came here I thought you were governess
to these girls. My sister didn’t say a
word about you to me.”
Then Flora spoke for the first time.
“Mrs. Fyne is my best friend.”
“So she is mine,” he said
without the slightest irony or bitterness, but added
with conviction: “That shows you what life
ashore is. Much better be out of it.”
As they were approaching the cottage
he was heard again as though a long silent walk had
not intervened: “But anyhow I shan’t
ask her anything about you.”
He stopped short and she went on alone.
His last words had impressed her. Everything
he had said seemed somehow to have a special meaning
under its obvious conversational sense. Till
she went in at the door of the cottage she felt his
eyes resting on her.
That is it. He had made himself
felt. That girl was, one may say, washing about
with slack limbs in the ugly surf of life with no
opportunity to strike out for herself, when suddenly
she had been made to feel that there was somebody
beside her in the bitter water. A most considerable
moral event for her; whether she was aware of it or
not. They met again at the one o’clock
dinner. I am inclined to think that, being a
healthy girl under her frail appearance, and fast walking
and what I may call relief-crying (there are many
kinds of crying) making one hungry, she made a good
meal. It was Captain Anthony who had no appetite.
His sister commented on it in a curt, businesslike
manner, and the eldest of his delightful nieces said
mockingly: “You have been taking too much
exercise this morning, Uncle Roderick.”
The mild Uncle Roderick turned upon her with a “What
do you know about it, young lady?” so charged
with suppressed savagery that the whole round table
gave one gasp and went dumb for the rest of the meal.
He took no notice whatever of Flora de Barral.
I don’t think it was from prudence or any calculated
motive. I believe he was so full of her aspects
that he did not want to look in her direction when
there were other people to hamper his imagination.
You understand I am piecing here bits
of disconnected statements. Next day Flora saw
him leaning over the field-gate. When she told
me this, I didn’t of course ask her how it was
she was there. Probably she could not have told
me how it was she was there. The difficulty here
is to keep steadily in view the then conditions of
her existence, a combination of dreariness and horror.
That hermit-like but not exactly misanthropic
sailor was leaning over the gate moodily. When
he saw the white-faced restless Flora drifting like
a lost thing along the road he put his pipe in his
pocket and called out “Good morning, Miss Smith”
in a tone of amazing happiness. She, with one
foot in life and the other in a nightmare, was at the
same time inert and unstable, and very much at the
mercy of sudden impulses. She swerved, came
distractedly right up to the gate and looking straight
into his eyes: “I am not Miss Smith.
That’s not my name. Don’t call me
by it.”
She was shaking as if in a passion.
His eyes expressed nothing; he only unlatched the
gate in silence, grasped her arm and drew her in.
Then closing it with a kick
“Not your name? That’s
all one to me. Your name’s the least thing
about you I care for.” He was leading
her firmly away from the gate though she resisted
slightly. There was a sort of joy in his eyes
which frightened her. “You are not a princess
in disguise,” he said with an unexpected laugh
she found blood-curdling. “And that’s
all I care for. You had better understand that
I am not blind and not a fool. And then it’s
plain for even a fool to see that things have been
going hard with you. You are on a lee shore and
eating your heart out with worry.”
What seemed most awful to her was
the elated light in his eyes, the rapacious smile
that would come and go on his lips as if he were gloating
over her misery. But her misery was his opportunity
and he rejoiced while the tenderest pity seemed to
flood his whole being. He pointed out to her
that she knew who he was. He was Mrs. Fyne’s
brother. And, well, if his sister was the best
friend she had in the world, then, by Jove, it was
about time somebody came along to look after her a
little.
Flora had tried more than once to
free herself, but he tightened his grasp of her arm
each time and even shook it a little without ceasing
to speak. The nearness of his face intimidated
her. He seemed striving to look her through.
It was obvious the world had been using her ill.
And even as he spoke with indignation the very marks
and stamp of this ill-usage of which he was so certain
seemed to add to the inexplicable attraction he felt
for her person. It was not pity alone, I take
it. It was something more spontaneous, perverse
and exciting. It gave him the feeling that if
only he could get hold of her, no woman would belong
to him so completely as this woman.
“Whatever your troubles,”
he said, “I am the man to take you away from
them; that is, if you are not afraid. You told
me you had no friends. Neither have I. Nobody
ever cared for me as far as I can remember. Perhaps
you could. Yes, I live on the sea. But
who would you be parting from? No one.
You have no one belonging to you.”
At this point she broke away from
him and ran. He did not pursue her. The
tall hedges tossing in the wind, the wide fields, the
clouds driving over the sky and the sky itself wheeled
about her in masses of green and white and blue as
if the world were breaking up silently in a whirl,
and her foot at the next step were bound to find the
void. She reached the gate all right, got out,
and, once on the road, discovered that she had not
the courage to look back. The rest of that day
she spent with the Fyne girls who gave her to understand
that she was a slow and unprofitable person.
Long after tea, nearly at dusk, Captain Anthony (the
son of the poet) appeared suddenly before her in the
little garden in front of the cottage. They
were alone for the moment. The wind had dropped.
In the calm evening air the voices of Mrs. Fyne and
the girls strolling aimlessly on the road could be
heard. He said to her severely:
“You have understood?”
She looked at him in silence.
“That I love you,” he finished.
She shook her head the least bit.
“Don’t you believe me?” he asked
in a low, infuriated voice.
“Nobody would love me,”
she answered in a very quiet tone. “Nobody
could.”
He was dumb for a time, astonished
beyond measure, as he well might have been.
He doubted his ears. He was outraged.
“Eh? What? Can’t
love you? What do you know about it? It’s
my affair, isn’t it? You dare say that
to a man who has just told you! You must be
mad!”
“Very nearly,” she said
with the accent of pent-up sincerity, and even relieved
because she was able to say something which she felt
was true. For the last few days she had felt
herself several times near that madness which is but
an intolerable lucidity of apprehension.
The clear voices of Mrs. Fyne and
the girls were coming nearer, sounding affected in
the peace of the passion-laden earth. He began
storming at her hastily.
“Nonsense! Nobody can
. . . Indeed! Pah! You’ll have
to be shown that somebody can. I can.
Nobody . . . " He made a contemptuous hissing noise.
“More likely you can’t. They
have done something to you. Something’s
crushed your pluck. You can’t face a man that’s
what it is. What made you like this? Where
do you come from? You have been put upon.
The scoundrels whoever they are, men or
women, seem to have robbed you of your very name.
You say you are not Miss Smith. Who are you,
then?”
She did not answer. He muttered,
“Not that I care,” and fell silent, because
the fatuous self-confident chatter of the Fyne girls
could be heard at the very gate. But they were
not going to bed yet. They passed on.
He waited a little in silence and immobility, then
stamped his foot and lost control of himself.
He growled at her in a savage passion. She
felt certain that he was threatening her and calling
her names. She was no stranger to abuse, as
we know, but there seemed to be a particular kind
of ferocity in this which was new to her. She
began to tremble. The especially terrifying
thing was that she could not make out the nature of
these awful menaces and names. Not a word.
Yet it was not the shrinking anguish of her other
experiences of angry scenes. She made a mighty
effort, though her knees were knocking together, and
in an expiring voice demanded that he should let her
go indoors. “Don’t stop me.
It’s no use. It’s no use,”
she repeated faintly, feeling an invincible obstinacy
rising within her, yet without anger against that raging
man.
He became articulate suddenly, and,
without raising his voice, perfectly audible.
“No use! No use!
You dare stand here and tell me that you
white-faced wisp, you wreath of mist, you little ghost
of all the sorrow in the world. You dare!
Haven’t I been looking at you? You are
all eyes. What makes your cheeks always so white
as if you had seen something . . . Don’t
speak. I love it . . . No use! And
you really think that I can now go to sea for a year
or more, to the other side of the world somewhere,
leaving you behind. Why! You would vanish
. . . what little there is of you. Some rough
wind will blow you away altogether. You have
no holding ground on earth. Well, then trust
yourself to me to the sea which
is deep like your eyes.”
She said: “Impossible.”
He kept quiet for a while, then asked in a totally
changed tone, a tone of gloomy curiosity:
“You can’t stand me then? Is that
it?”
“No,” she said, more steady herself.
“I am not thinking of you at all.”
The inane voices of the Fyne girls
were heard over the sombre fields calling to each
other, thin and clear. He muttered: “You
could try to. Unless you are thinking of somebody
else.”
“Yes. I am thinking of
somebody else, of someone who has nobody to think
of him but me.”
His shadowy form stepped out of her
way, and suddenly leaned sideways against the wooden
support of the porch. And as she stood still,
surprised by this staggering movement, his voice spoke
up in a tone quite strange to her.
“Go in then. Go out of
my sight I thought you said nobody could
love you.”
She was passing him when suddenly
he struck her as so forlorn that she was inspired
to say: “No one has ever loved me not
in that way if that’s what you mean.
Nobody would.”
He detached himself brusquely from
the post, and she did not shrink; but Mrs. Fyne and
the girls were already at the gate.
All he understood was that everything
was not over yet. There was no time to lose;
Mrs. Fyne and the girls had come in at the gate.
He whispered “Wait” with such authority
(he was the son of Carleon Anthony, the domestic autocrat)
that it did arrest her for a moment, long enough to
hear him say that he could not be left like this to
puzzle over her nonsense all night. She was
to slip down again into the garden later on, as soon
as she could do so without being heard. He would
be there waiting for her till till daylight.
She didn’t think he could go to sleep, did
she? And she had better come, or he
broke off on an unfinished threat.
She vanished into the unlighted cottage
just as Mrs. Fyne came up to the porch. Nervous,
holding her breath in the darkness of the living-room,
she heard her best friend say: “You ought
to have joined us, Roderick.” And then:
“Have you seen Miss Smith anywhere?”
Flora shuddered, expecting Anthony
to break out into betraying imprecations on Miss Smith’s
head, and cause a painful and humiliating explanation.
She imagined him full of his mysterious ferocity.
To her great surprise, Anthony’s voice sounded
very much as usual, with perhaps a slight tinge of
grimness. “Miss Smith! No.
I’ve seen no Miss Smith.”
Mrs. Fyne seemed satisfied and not much
concerned really.
Flora, relieved, got clear away to
her room upstairs, and shutting her door quietly,
dropped into a chair. She was used to reproaches,
abuse, to all sorts of wicked ill usage short
of actual beating on her body. Otherwise inexplicable
angers had cut and slashed and trampled down her youth
without mercy and mainly, it appeared, because
she was the financier de Barral’s daughter and
also condemned to a degrading sort of poverty through
the action of treacherous men who had turned upon her
father in his hour of need. And she thought with
the tenderest possible affection of that upright figure
buttoned up in a long frock-coat, soft-voiced and
having but little to say to his girl. She seemed
to feel his hand closed round hers. On his flying
visits to Brighton he would always walk hand in hand
with her. People stared covertly at them; the
band was playing; and there was the sea the
blue gaiety of the sea. They were quietly happy
together . . . It was all over!
An immense anguish of the present
wrung her heart, and she nearly cried aloud.
That dread of what was before her which had been eating
up her courage slowly in the course of odious years,
flamed up into an access of panic, that sort of headlong
panic which had already driven her out twice to the
top of the cliff-like quarry. She jumped up saying
to herself: “Why not now? At once!
Yes. I’ll do it now in the
dark!” The very horror of it seemed to give
her additional resolution.
She came down the staircase quietly,
and only on the point of opening the door and because
of the discovery that it was unfastened, she remembered
Captain Anthony’s threat to stay in the garden
all night. She hesitated. She did not understand
the mood of that man clearly. He was violent.
But she had gone beyond the point where things matter.
What would he think of her coming down to him as
he would naturally suppose. And even that didn’t
matter. He could not despise her more than she
despised herself. She must have been light-headed
because the thought came into her mind that should
he get into ungovernable fury from disappointment,
and perchance strangle her, it would be as good a
way to be done with it as any.
“You had that thought,” I exclaimed in
wonder.
With downcast eyes and speaking with
an almost painstaking precision (her very lips, her
red lips, seemed to move just enough to be heard and
no more), she said that, yes, the thought came into
her head. This makes one shudder at the mysterious
ways girls acquire knowledge. For this was a
thought, wild enough, I admit, but which could only
have come from the depths of that sort of experience
which she had not had, and went far beyond a young
girl’s possible conception of the strongest and
most veiled of human emotions.
“He was there, of course?” I said.
“Yes, he was there.”
She saw him on the path directly she stepped outside
the porch. He was very still. It was as
though he had been standing there with his face to
the door for hours.
Shaken up by the changing moods of
passion and tenderness, he must have been ready for
any extravagance of conduct. Knowing the profound
silence each night brought to that nook of the country,
I could imagine them having the feeling of being the
only two people on the wide earth. A row of
six or seven lofty elms just across the road opposite
the cottage made the night more obscure in that little
garden. If these two could just make out each
other that was all.
“Well! And were you very much terrified?”
I asked.
She made me wait a little before she
said, raising her eyes: “He was gentleness
itself.”
I noticed three abominable, drink-sodden
loafers, sallow and dirty, who had come to range themselves
in a row within ten feet of us against the front of
the public-house. They stared at Flora de Barral’s
back with unseeing, mournful fixity.
“Let’s move this way a little,”
I proposed.
She turned at once and we made a few
paces; not too far to take us out of sight of the
hotel door, but very nearly. I could just keep
my eyes on it. After all, I had not been so
very long with the girl. If you were to disentangle
the words we actually exchanged from my comments you
would see that they were not so very many, including
everything she had so unexpectedly told me of her
story. No, not so very many. And now it
seemed as though there would be no more. No!
I could expect no more. The confidence was wonderful
enough in its nature as far as it went, and perhaps
not to have been expected from any other girl under
the sun. And I felt a little ashamed.
The origin of our intimacy was too gruesome.
It was as if listening to her I had taken advantage
of having seen her poor bewildered, scared soul without
its veils. But I was curious, too; or, to render
myself justice without false modesty I was
anxious; anxious to know a little more.
I felt like a blackmailer all the
same when I made my attempt with a light-hearted remark.
“And so you gave up that walk you proposed to
take?”
“Yes, I gave up the walk,”
she said slowly before raising her downcast eyes.
When she did so it was with an extraordinary effect.
It was like catching sight of a piece of blue sky,
of a stretch of open water. And for a moment
I understood the desire of that man to whom the sea
and sky of his solitary life had appeared suddenly
incomplete without that glance which seemed to belong
to them both. He was not for nothing the son
of a poet. I looked into those unabashed eyes
while the girl went on, her demure appearance and
precise tone changed to a very earnest expression.
Woman is various indeed.
“But I want you to understand,
Mr. . . . " she had actually to think of my name .
. . “Mr. Marlow, that I have written to
Mrs. Fyne that I haven’t been that
I have done nothing to make Captain Anthony behave
to me as he had behaved. I haven’t.
I haven’t. It isn’t my doing.
It isn’t my fault if she likes to
put it in that way. But she, with her ideas,
ought to understand that I couldn’t, that I couldn’t
. . . I know she hates me now. I think
she never liked me. I think nobody ever cared
for me. I was told once nobody could care for
me; and I think it is true. At any rate I can’t
forget it.”
Her abominable experience with the
governess had implanted in her unlucky breast a lasting
doubt, an ineradicable suspicion of herself and of
others. I said:
“Remember, Miss de Barral, that
to be fair you must trust a man altogether or
not at all.”
She dropped her eyes suddenly.
I thought I heard a faint sigh. I tried to
take a light tone again, and yet it seemed impossible
to get off the ground which gave me my standing with
her.
“Mrs. Fyne is absurd.
She’s an excellent woman, but really you could
not be expected to throw away your chance of life
simply that she might cherish a good opinion of your
memory. That would be excessive.”
“It was not of my life that
I was thinking while Captain Anthony was was
speaking to me,” said Flora de Barral with an
effort.
I told her that she was wrong then.
She ought to have been thinking of her life, and
not only of her life but of the life of the man who
was speaking to her too. She let me finish,
then shook her head impatiently.
“I mean death.”
“Well,” I said, “when
he stood before you there, outside the cottage, he
really stood between you and that. I have it
out of your own mouth. You can’t deny
it.”
“If you will have it that he
saved my life, then he has got it. It was not
for me. Oh no! It was not for me that I It
was not fear! There!” She finished petulantly:
“And you may just as well know it.”
She hung her head and swung the parasol
slightly to and fro. I thought a little.
“Do you know French, Miss de Barral?”
I asked.
She made a sign with her head that
she did, but without showing any surprise at the question
and without ceasing to swing her parasol.
“Well then, somehow or other
I have the notion that Captain Anthony is what the
French call un galant homme. I should
like to think he is being treated as he deserves.”
The form of her lips (I could see
them under the brim of her hat) was suddenly altered
into a line of seriousness. The parasol stopped
swinging.
“I have given him what he wanted that’s
myself,” she said without a tremor and with
a striking dignity of tone.
Impressed by the manner and the directness
of the words, I hesitated for a moment what to say.
Then made up my mind to clear up the point.
“And you have got what you wanted? Is
that it?”
The daughter of the egregious financier
de Barral did not answer at once this question going
to the heart of things. Then raising her head
and gazing wistfully across the street noisy with
the endless transit of innumerable bargains, she said
with intense gravity:
“He has been most generous.”
I was pleased to hear these words.
Not that I doubted the infatuation of Roderick Anthony,
but I was pleased to hear something which proved that
she was sensible and open to the sentiment of gratitude
which in this case was significant. In the face
of man’s desire a girl is excusable if she thinks
herself priceless. I mean a girl of our civilization
which has established a dithyrambic phraseology for
the expression of love. A man in love will accept
any convention exalting the object of his passion
and in this indirect way his passion itself.
In what way the captain of the ship Ferndale
gave proofs of lover-like lavishness I could not guess
very well. But I was glad she was appreciative.
It is lucky that small things please women.
And it is not silly of them to be thus pleased.
It is in small things that the deepest loyalty, that
which they need most, the loyalty of the passing moment,
is best expressed.
She had remained thoughtful, letting
her deep motionless eyes rest on the streaming jumble
of traffic. Suddenly she said:
“And I wanted to ask you . .
. I was really glad when I saw you actually here.
Who would have expected you here, at this spot, before
this hotel! I certainly never . . . You
see it meant a lot to me. You are the only person
who knows . . . who knows for certain . . . "
“Knows what?” I said,
not discovering at first what she had in her mind.
Then I saw it. “Why can’t you leave
that alone?” I remonstrated, rather annoyed
at the invidious position she was forcing on me in
a sense. “It’s true that I was the
only person to see,” I added. “But,
as it happens, after your mysterious disappearance
I told the Fynes the story of our meeting.”
Her eyes raised to mine had an expression
of dreamy, unfathomable candour, if I dare say so.
And if you wonder what I mean I can only say that
I have seen the sea wear such an expression on one
or two occasions shortly before sunrise on a calm,
fresh day. She said as if meditating aloud that
she supposed the Fynes were not likely to talk about
that. She couldn’t imagine any connection
in which . . . Why should they?
As her tone had become interrogatory
I assented. “To be sure. There’s
no reason whatever ” thinking to myself
that they would be more likely indeed to keep quiet
about it. They had other things to talk of.
And then remembering little Fyne stuck upstairs for
an unconscionable time, enough to blurt out everything
he ever knew in his life, I reflected that he would
assume naturally that Captain Anthony had nothing to
learn from him about Flora de Barral. It had
been up to now my assumption too. I saw my mistake.
The sincerest of women will make no unnecessary confidences
to a man. And this is as it should be.
“No no!” I
said reassuringly. “It’s most unlikely.
Are you much concerned?”
“Well, you see, when I came
down,” she said again in that precise demure
tone, “when I came down into the garden
Captain Anthony misunderstood ”
“Of course he would. Men are so conceited,”
I said.
I saw it well enough that he must
have thought she had come down to him. What else
could he have thought? And then he had been “gentleness
itself.” A new experience for that poor,
delicate, and yet so resisting creature. Gentleness
in passion! What could have been more seductive
to the scared, starved heart of that girl? Perhaps
had he been violent, she might have told him that
what she came down to keep was the tryst of death not
of love. It occurred to me as I looked at her,
young, fragile in aspect, and intensely alive in her
quietness, that perhaps she did not know herself then
what sort of tryst she was coming down to keep.
She smiled faintly, almost awkwardly
as if she were totally unused to smiling, at my cheap
jocularity. Then she said with that forced precision,
a sort of conscious primness:
“I didn’t want him to know.”
I approved heartily. Quite right.
Much better. Let him ever remain under his
misapprehension which was so much more flattering for
him.
I tried to keep it in the tone of
comedy; but she was, I believe, too simple to understand
my intention. She went on, looking down.
“Oh! You think so?
When I saw you I didn’t know why you were here.
I was glad when you spoke to me because this is exactly
what I wanted to ask you for. I wanted to ask
you if you ever meet Captain Anthony by
any chance anywhere you are a
sailor too, are you not? that you would
never mention never that that
you had seen me over there.”
“My dear young lady,”
I cried, horror-struck at the supposition. “Why
should I? What makes you think I should dream
of . . . "
She had raised her head at my vehemence.
She did not understand it. The world had treated
her so dishonourably that she had no notion even of
what mere decency of feeling is like. It was
not her fault. Indeed, I don’t know why
she should have put her trust in anybody’s promises.
But I thought it would be better to
promise. So I assured her that she could depend
on my absolute silence.
“I am not likely to ever set
eyes on Captain Anthony,” I added with conviction as
a further guarantee.
She accepted my assurance in silence,
without a sign. Her gravity had in it something
acute, perhaps because of that chin. While we
were still looking at each other she declared:
“There’s no deception
in it really. I want you to believe that if I
am here, like this, to-day, it is not from fear.
It is not!”
“I quite understand,”
I said. But her firm yet self-conscious gaze
became doubtful. “I do,” I insisted.
“I understand perfectly that it was not of
death that you were afraid.”
She lowered her eyes slowly, and I went on:
“As to life, that’s another
thing. And I don’t know that one ought
to blame you very much though it seemed
rather an excessive step. I wonder now if it
isn’t the ugliness rather than the pain of the
struggle which . . . "
She shuddered visibly: “But
I do blame myself,” she exclaimed with feeling.
“I am ashamed.” And, dropping her
head, she looked in a moment the very picture of remorse
and shame.
“Well, you will be going away
from all its horrors,” I said. “And
surely you are not afraid of the sea. You are
a sailor’s granddaughter, I understand.”
She sighed deeply. She remembered
her grandfather only a little. He was a clean-shaven
man with a ruddy complexion and long, perfectly white
hair. He used to take her on his knee, and putting
his face near hers, talk to her in loving whispers.
If only he were alive now . . . !
She remained silent for a while.
“Aren’t you anxious to see the ship?”
I asked.
She lowered her head still more so
that I could not see anything of her face.
“I don’t know,” she murmured.
I had already the suspicion that she
did not know her own feelings. All this work
of the merest chance had been so unexpected, so sudden.
And she had nothing to fall back upon, no experience
but such as to shake her belief in every human being.
She was dreadfully and pitifully forlorn. It
was almost in order to comfort my own depression that
I remarked cheerfully:
“Well, I know of somebody who
must be growing extremely anxious to see you.”
“I am before my time,”
she confessed simply, rousing herself. “I
had nothing to do. So I came out.”
I had the sudden vision of a shabby,
lonely little room at the other end of the town.
It had grown intolerable to her restlessness.
The mere thought of it oppressed her. Flora
de Barral was looking frankly at her chance confidant,
“And I came this way,”
she went on. “I appointed the time myself
yesterday, but Captain Anthony would not have minded.
He told me he was going to look over some business
papers till I came.”
The idea of the son of the poet, the
rescuer of the most forlorn damsel of modern times,
the man of violence, gentleness and generosity, sitting
up to his neck in ship’s accounts amused me.
“I am sure he would not have minded,”
I said, smiling. But the girl’s stare was
sombre, her thin white face seemed pathetically careworn.
“I can hardly believe yet,” she murmured
anxiously.
“It’s quite real.
Never fear,” I said encouragingly, but had to
change my tone at once. “You had better
go down that way a little,” I directed her abruptly.
I had seen Fyne come striding out
of the hotel door. The intelligent girl, without
staying to ask questions, walked away from me quietly
down one street while I hurried on to meet Fyne coming
up the other at his efficient pedestrian gait.
My object was to stop him getting as far as the corner.
He must have been thinking too hard to be aware of
his surroundings. I put myself in his way, and
he nearly walked into me.
“Hallo!” I said.
His surprise was extreme. “You
here! You don’t mean to say you have been
waiting for me?”
I said negligently that I had been
detained by unexpected business in the neighbourhood,
and thus happened to catch sight of him coming out.
He stared at me with solemn distraction,
obviously thinking of something else. I suggested
that he had better take the next city-ward tramcar.
He was inattentive, and I perceived that he was profoundly
perturbed. As Miss de Barral (she had moved
out of sight) could not possibly approach the hotel
door as long as we remained where we were I proposed
that we should wait for the car on the other side
of the street. He obeyed rather the slight touch
on his arm than my words, and while we were crossing
the wide roadway in the midst of the lumbering wheeled
traffic, he exclaimed in his deep tone, “I don’t
know which of these two is more mad than the other!”
“Really!” I said, pulling
him forward from under the noses of two enormous sleepy-headed
cart-horses. He skipped wildly out of the way
and up on the curbstone with a purely instinctive
precision; his mind had nothing to do with his movements.
In the middle of his leap, and while in the act of
sailing gravely through the air, he continued to relieve
his outraged feelings.
“You would never believe! They are
mad!”
I took care to place myself in such
a position that to face me he had to turn his back
on the hotel across the road. I believe he was
glad I was there to talk to. But I thought there
was some misapprehension in the first statement he
shot out at me without loss of time, that Captain
Anthony had been glad to see him. It was indeed
difficult to believe that, directly he opened the
door, his wife’s “sailor-brother”
had positively shouted: “Oh, it’s
you! The very man I wanted to see.”
“I found him sitting there,”
went on Fyne impressively in his effortless, grave
chest voice, “drafting his will.”
This was unexpected, but I preserved
a noncommittal attitude, knowing full well that our
actions in themselves are neither mad nor sane.
But I did not see what there was to be excited about.
And Fyne was distinctly excited. I understood
it better when I learned that the captain of the Ferndale
wanted little Fyne to be one of the trustees.
He was leaving everything to his wife. Naturally,
a request which involved him into sanctioning in a
way a proceeding which he had been sent by his wife
to oppose, must have appeared sufficiently mad to
Fyne.
“Me! Me, of all people
in the world!” he repeated portentously.
But I could see that he was frightened. Such
want of tact!
“He knew I came from his sister.
You don’t put a man into such an awkward position,”
complained Fyne. “It made me speak much
more strongly against all this very painful business
than I would have had the heart to do otherwise.”
I pointed out to him concisely, and
keeping my eyes on the door of the hotel, that he
and his wife were the only bond with the land Captain
Anthony had. Who else could he have asked?
“I explained to him that he
was breaking this bond,” declared Fyne solemnly.
“Breaking it once for all. And for what for
what?”
He glared at me. I could perhaps
have given him an inkling for what, but I said nothing.
He started again:
“My wife assures me that the
girl does not love him a bit. She goes by that
letter she received from her. There is a passage
in it where she practically admits that she was quite
unscrupulous in accepting this offer of marriage,
but says to my wife that she supposes she, my wife,
will not blame her as it was in self-defence.
My wife has her own ideas, but this is an outrageous
misapprehension of her views. Outrageous.”
The good little man paused and then added weightily:
“I didn’t tell that to my brother-in-law I
mean, my wife’s views.”
“No,” I said. “What would
have been the good?”
“It’s positive infatuation,”
agreed little Fyne, in the tone as though he had made
an awful discovery. “I have never seen
anything so hopeless and inexplicable in my life.
I I felt quite frightened and sorry,”
he added, while I looked at him curiously asking myself
whether this excellent civil servant and notable pedestrian
had felt the breath of a great and fatal love-spell
passing him by in the room of that East-end hotel.
He did look for a moment as though he had seen a ghost,
an other-world thing. But that look vanished
instantaneously, and he nodded at me with mere exasperation
at something quite of this world whatever
it was. “It’s a bad business.
My brother-in-law knows nothing of women,” he
cried with an air of profound, experienced wisdom.
What he imagined he knew of women
himself I can’t tell. I did not know anything
of the opportunities he might have had. But this
is a subject which, if approached with undue solemnity,
is apt to elude one’s grasp entirely.
No doubt Fyne knew something of a woman who was Captain
Anthony’s sister. But that, admittedly,
had been a very solemn study. I smiled at him
gently, and as if encouraged or provoked, he completed
his thought rather explosively.
“And that girl understands nothing
. . . It’s sheer lunacy.”
“I don’t know,”
I said, “whether the circumstances of isolation
at sea would be any alleviation to the danger.
But it’s certain that they shall have the opportunity
to learn everything about each other in a lonely tete-a-tete.”
“But dash it all,” he
cried in hollow accents which at the same time had
the tone of bitter irony I had never before
heard a sound so quaintly ugly and almost horrible “You
forget Mr. Smith.”
“What Mr. Smith?” I asked innocently.
Fyne made an extraordinary simiesque
grimace. I believe it was quite involuntary,
but you know that a grave, much-lined, shaven countenance
when distorted in an unusual way is extremely apelike.
It was a surprising sight, and rendered me not only
speechless but stopped the progress of my thought
completely. I must have presented a remarkably
imbecile appearance.
“My brother-in-law considered
it amusing to chaff me about us introducing the girl
as Miss Smith,” said Fyne, going surly in a moment.
“He said that perhaps if he had heard her real
name from the first it might have restrained him.
As it was, he made the discovery too late. Asked
me to tell Zoe this together with a lot more nonsense.”
Fyne gave me the impression of having
escaped from a man inspired by a grimly playful ebullition
of high spirits. It must have been most distasteful
to him; and his solemnity got damaged somehow in the
process, I perceived. There were holes in it
through which I could see a new, an unknown Fyne.
“You wouldn’t believe
it,” he went on, “but she looks upon her
father exclusively as a victim. I don’t
know,” he burst out suddenly through an enormous
rent in his solemnity, “if she thinks him absolutely
a saint, but she certainly imagines him to be a martyr.”
It is one of the advantages of that
magnificent invention, the prison, that you may forget
people which are put there as though they were dead.
One needn’t worry about them. Nothing can
happen to them that you can help. They can do
nothing which might possibly matter to anybody.
They come out of it, though, but that seems hardly
an advantage to themselves or anyone else. I
had completely forgotten the financier de Barral.
The girl for me was an orphan, but now I perceived
suddenly the force of Fyne’s qualifying statement,
“to a certain extent.” It would have
been infinitely more kind all round for the law to
have shot, beheaded, strangled, or otherwise destroyed
this absurd de Barral, who was a danger to a moral
world inhabited by a credulous multitude not fit to
take care of itself. But I observed to Fyne
that, however insane was the view she held, one could
not declare the girl mad on that account.
“So she thinks of her father does
she? I suppose she would appear to us saner
if she thought only of herself.”
“I am positive,” Fyne
said earnestly, “that she went and made desperate
eyes at Anthony . . . "
“Oh come!” I interrupted.
“You haven’t seen her make eyes.
You don’t know the colour of her eyes.”
“Very well! It don’t
matter. But it could hardly have come to that
if she hadn’t . . . It’s all one,
though. I tell you she has led him on, or accepted
him, if you like, simply because she was thinking of
her father. She doesn’t care a bit about
Anthony, I believe. She cares for no one.
Never cared for anyone. Ask Zoe. For myself
I don’t blame her,” added Fyne, giving
me another view of unsuspected things through the rags
and tatters of his damaged solemnity. “No!
by heavens, I don’t blame her the
poor devil.”
I agreed with him silently.
I suppose affections are, in a sense, to be learned.
If there exists a native spark of love in all of us,
it must be fanned while we are young. Hers,
if she ever had it, had been drenched in as ugly a
lot of corrosive liquid as could be imagined.
But I was surprised at Fyne obscurely feeling this.
“She loves no one except that
preposterous advertising shark,” he pursued
venomously, but in a more deliberate manner.
“And Anthony knows it.”
“Does he?” I said doubtfully.
“She’s quite capable of
having told him herself,” affirmed Fyne, with
amazing insight. “But whether or no, I’ve
told him.”
“You did? From Mrs. Fyne, of course.”
Fyne only blinked owlishly at this piece of my insight.
“And how did Captain Anthony
receive this interesting information?” I asked
further.
“Most improperly,” said
Fyne, who really was in a state in which he didn’t
mind what he blurted out. “He isn’t
himself. He begged me to tell his sister that
he offered no remarks on her conduct. Very improper
and inconsequent. He said . . . I was tired
of this wrangling. I told him I made allowances
for the state of excitement he was in.”
“You know, Fyne,” I said,
“a man in jail seems to me such an incredible,
cruel, nightmarish sort of thing that I can hardly
believe in his existence. Certainly not in relation
to any other existences.”
“But dash it all,” cried
Fyne, “he isn’t shut up for life.
They are going to let him out. He’s coming
out! That’s the whole trouble. What
is he coming out to, I want to know? It seems
a more cruel business than the shutting him up was.
This has been the worry for weeks. Do you see
now?”
I saw, all sorts of things!
Immediately before me I saw the excitement of little
Fyne mere food for wonder. Further
off, in a sort of gloom and beyond the light of day
and the movement of the street, I saw the figure of
a man, stiff like a ramrod, moving with small steps,
a slight girlish figure by his side. And the
gloom was like the gloom of villainous slums, of misery,
of wretchedness, of a starved and degraded existence.
It was a relief that I could see only their shabby
hopeless backs. He was an awful ghost.
But indeed to call him a ghost was only a refinement
of polite speech, and a manner of concealing one’s
terror of such things. Prisons are wonderful
contrivances. Shut open. Very
neat. Shut open. And out comes
some sort of corpse, to wander awfully in a world
in which it has no possible connections and carrying
with it the appalling tainted atmosphere of its silent
abode. Marvellous arrangement. It works
automatically, and, when you look at it, the perfection
makes you sick; which for a mere mechanism is no mean
triumph. Sick and scared. It had nearly
scared that poor girl to her death. Fancy having
to take such a thing by the hand! Now I understood
the remorseful strain I had detected in her speeches.
“By Jove!” I said.
“They are about to let him out! I never
thought of that.”
Fyne was contemptuous either of me or of things at
large.
“You didn’t suppose he was to be kept
in jail for life?”
At that moment I caught sight of Flora
de Barral at the junction of the two streets.
Then some vehicles following each other in quick succession
hid from my sight the black slight figure with just
a touch of colour in her hat. She was walking
slowly; and it might have been caution or reluctance.
While listening to Fyne I stared hard past his shoulder
trying to catch sight of her again. He was going
on with positive heat, the rags of his solemnity dropping
off him at every second sentence.
That was just it. His wife and
he had been perfectly aware of it. Of course
the girl never talked of her father with Mrs. Fyne.
I suppose with her theory of innocence she found
it difficult. But she must have been thinking
of it day and night. What to do with him?
Where to go? How to keep body and soul together?
He had never made any friends. The only relations
were the atrocious East-end cousins. We know
what they were. Nothing but wretchedness, whichever
way she turned in an unjust and prejudiced world.
And to look at him helplessly she felt would be too
much for her.
I won’t say I was thinking these
thoughts. It was not necessary. This complete
knowledge was in my head while I stared hard across
the wide road, so hard that I failed to hear little
Fyne till he raised his deep voice indignantly.
“I don’t blame the girl,”
he was saying. “He is infatuated with her.
Anybody can see that. Why she should have got
such a hold on him I can’t understand.
She said “Yes” to him only for the sake
of that fatuous, swindling father of hers. It’s
perfectly plain if one thinks it over a moment.
One needn’t even think of it. We have
it under her own hand. In that letter to my
wife she says she has acted unscrupulously. She
has owned up, then, for what else can it mean, I should
like to know. And so they are to be married
before that old idiot comes out . . . He will
be surprised,” commented Fyne suddenly in a
strangely malignant tone. “He shall be
met at the jail door by a Mrs. Anthony, a Mrs. Captain
Anthony. Very pleasant for Zoe. And for
all I know, my brother-in-law means to turn up dutifully
too. A little family event. It’s
extremely pleasant to think of. Delightful.
A charming family party. We three against the
world and all that sort of thing.
And what for. For a girl that doesn’t
care twopence for him.”
The demon of bitterness had entered
into little Fyne. He amazed me as though he
had changed his skin from white to black. It
was quite as wonderful. And he kept it up, too.
“Luckily there are some advantages
in the the profession of a sailor.
As long as they defy the world away at sea somewhere
eighteen thousand miles from here, I don’t mind
so much. I wonder what that interesting old
party will say. He will have another surprise.
They mean to drag him along with them on board the
ship straight away. Rescue work. Just
think of Roderick Anthony, the son of a gentleman,
after all . . . "
He gave me a little shock. I
thought he was going to say the “son of the
poet” as usual; but his mind was not running
on such vanities now. His unspoken thought must
have gone on “and uncle of my girls.”
I suspect that he had been roughly handled by Captain
Anthony up there, and the resentment gave a tremendous
fillip to the slow play of his wits. Those men
of sober fancy, when anything rouses their imaginative
faculty, are very thorough. “Just think!”
he cried. “The three of them crowded into
a four-wheeler, and Anthony sitting deferentially opposite
that astonished old jail-bird!”
The good little man laughed.
An improper sound it was to come from his manly chest;
and what made it worse was the thought that for the
least thing, by a mere hair’s breadth, he might
have taken this affair sentimentally. But clearly
Anthony was no diplomatist. His brother-in-law
must have appeared to him, to use the language of shore
people, a perfect philistine with a heart like a flint.
What Fyne precisely meant by “wrangling”
I don’t know, but I had no doubt that these two
had “wrangled” to a profoundly disturbing
extent. How much the other was affected I could
not even imagine; but the man before me was quite
amazingly upset.
“In a four-wheeler! Take
him on board!” I muttered, startled by the change
in Fyne.
“That’s the plan nothing
less. If I am to believe what I have been told,
his feet will scarcely touch the ground between the
prison-gates and the deck of that ship.”
The transformed Fyne spoke in a forcibly
lowered tone which I heard without difficulty.
The rumbling, composite noises of the street were
hushed for a moment, during one of these sudden breaks
in the traffic as if the stream of commerce had dried
up at its source. Having an unobstructed view
past Fyne’s shoulder, I was astonished to see
that the girl was still there. I thought she
had gone up long before. But there was her black
slender figure, her white face under the roses of her
hat. She stood on the edge of the pavement as
people stand on the bank of a stream, very still,
as if waiting or as if unconscious of where
she was. The three dismal, sodden loafers (I
could see them too; they hadn’t budged an inch)
seemed to me to be watching her. Which was horrible.
Meantime Fyne was telling me rather
remarkable things for him. He declared
first it was a mercy in a sense. Then he asked
me if it were not real madness, to saddle one’s
existence with such a perpetual reminder. The
daily existence. The isolated sea-bound existence.
To bring such an additional strain into the solitude
already trying enough for two people was the craziest
thing. Undesirable relations were bad enough
on shore. One could cut them or at least forget
their existence now and then. He himself was
preparing to forget his brother-in-law’s existence
as much as possible.
That was the general sense of his
remarks, not his exact words. I thought that
his wife’s brother’s existence had never
been very embarrassing to him but that now of course
he would have to abstain from his allusions to the
“son of the poet you know.”
I said “yes, yes” in the pauses because
I did not want him to turn round; and all the time
I was watching the girl intently. I thought
I knew now what she meant with her “He
was most generous.” Yes. Generosity
of character may carry a man through any situation.
But why didn’t she go then to her generous
man? Why stand there as if clinging to this solid
earth which she surely hated as one must hate the
place where one has been tormented, hopeless, unhappy?
Suddenly she stirred. Was she going to cross
over? No. She turned and began to walk
slowly close to the curbstone, reminding me of the
time when I discovered her walking near the edge of
a ninety-foot sheer drop. It was the same impression,
the same carriage, straight, slim, with rigid head
and the two hands hanging lightly clasped in front only
now a small sunshade was dangling from them.
I saw something fateful in that deliberate pacing
towards the inconspicuous door with the words Hotel
Entrance on the glass panels.
She was abreast of it now and I thought
that she would stop again; but no! She swerved
rigidly at the moment there was no one near
her; she had that bit of pavement to herself with
inanimate slowness as if moved by something outside
herself.
“A confounded convict,” Fyne burst out.
With the sound of that word offending
my ears I saw the girl extend her arm, push the door
open a little way and glide in. I saw plainly
that movement, the hand put out in advance with the
gesture of a sleep-walker.
She had vanished, her black figure
had melted in the darkness of the open door.
For some time Fyne said nothing; and I thought of
the girl going upstairs, appearing before the man.
Were they looking at each other in silence and feeling
they were alone in the world as lovers should at the
moment of meeting? But that fine forgetfulness
was surely impossible to Anthony the seaman directly
after the wrangling interview with Fyne the emissary
of an order of things which stops at the edge of the
sea. How much he was disturbed I couldn’t
tell because I did not know what that impetuous lover
had had to listen to.
“Going to take the old fellow
to sea with them,” I said. “Well
I really don’t see what else they could have
done with him. You told your brother-in-law
what you thought of it? I wonder how he took
it.”
“Very improperly,” repeated
Fyne. “His manner was offensive, derisive,
from the first. I don’t mean he was actually
rude in words. Hang it all, I am not a contemptible
ass. But he was exulting at having got hold
of a miserable girl.”
“It is pretty certain that she
will be much less poor and miserable,” I murmured.
It looked as if the exultation of
Captain Anthony had got on Fyne’s nerves.
“I told the fellow very plainly that he was
abominably selfish in this,” he affirmed unexpectedly.
“You did! Selfish!”
I said rather taken aback. “But what if
the girl thought that, on the contrary, he was most
generous.”
“What do you know about it,”
growled Fyne. The rents and slashes of his solemnity
were closing up gradually but it was going to be a
surly solemnity. “Generosity! I
am disposed to give it another name. No.
Not folly,” he shot out at me as though I had
meant to interrupt him. “Still another.
Something worse. I need not tell you what it
is,” he added with grim meaning.
“Certainly. You needn’t unless
you like,” I said blankly. Little Fyne
had never interested me so much since the beginning
of the de Barral-Anthony affair when I first perceived
possibilities in him. The possibilities of dull
men are exciting because when they happen they suggest
legendary cases of “possession,” not exactly
by the devil but, anyhow, by a strange spirit.
“I told him it was a shame,”
said Fyne. “Even if the girl did make eyes
at him but I think with you that she did
not. Yes! A shame to take advantage of
a girl’s a distresses girl that does
not love him in the least.”
“You think it’s so bad
as that?” I said. “Because you know
I don’t.”
“What can you think about it,”
he retorted on me with a solemn stare. “I
go by her letter to my wife.”
“Ah! that famous letter.
But you haven’t actually read it,” I said.
“No, but my wife told me.
Of course it was a most improper sort of letter to
write considering the circumstances. It pained
Mrs. Fyne to discover how thoroughly she had been
misunderstood. But what is written is not all.
It’s what my wife could read between the lines.
She says that the girl is really terrified at heart.”
“She had not much in life to
give her any very special courage for it, or any great
confidence in mankind. That’s very true.
But this seems an exaggeration.”
“I should like to know what
reasons you have to say that,” asked Fyne with
offended solemnity. “I really don’t
see any. But I had sufficient authority to tell
my brother-in-law that if he thought he was going to
do something chivalrous and fine he was mistaken.
I can see very well that he will do everything she
asks him to do but, all the same, it is
rather a pitiless transaction.”
For a moment I felt it might be so.
Fyne caught sight of an approaching tram-car and
stepped out on the road to meet it. “Have
you a more compassionate scheme ready?” I called
after him. He made no answer, clambered on to
the rear platform, and only then looked back.
We exchanged a perfunctory wave of the hand.
We also looked at each other, he rather angrily,
I fancy, and I with wonder. I may also mention
that it was for the last time. From that day
I never set eyes on the Fynes. As usual the unexpected
happened to me. It had nothing to do with Flora
de Barral. The fact is that I went away.
My call was not like her call. Mine was not
urged on me with passionate vehemence or tender gentleness
made all the finer and more compelling by the allurements
of generosity which is a virtue as mysterious as any
other but having a glamour of its own. No, it
was just a prosaic offer of employment on rather good
terms which, with a sudden sense of having wasted
my time on shore long enough, I accepted without misgivings.
And once started out of my indolence I went, as my
habit was, very, very far away and for a long, long
time. Which is another proof of my indolence.
How far Flora went I can’t say. But I
will tell you my idea: my idea is that she went
as far as she was able as far as she could
bear it as far as she had to . . . "