Natasha was sixteen and it was the
year 1809, the very year to which she had counted
on her fingers with Boris after they had kissed four
years ago. Since then she had not seen him.
Before Sonya and her mother, if Boris happened to
be mentioned, she spoke quite freely of that episode
as of some childish, long-forgotten matter that was
not worth mentioning. But in the secret depths
of her soul the question whether her engagement to
Boris was a jest or an important, binding promise
tormented her.
Since Boris left Moscow in 1805 to
join the army he had not seen the Rostovs. He
had been in Moscow several times, and had passed near
Otradnoe, but had never been to see them.
Sometimes it occurred to Natasha that
he did not wish to see her, and this conjecture was
confirmed by the sad tone in which her elders spoke
of him.
“Nowadays old friends are not
remembered,” the countess would say when Boris
was mentioned.
Anna Mikhaylovna also had of late
visited them less frequently, seemed to hold herself
with particular dignity, and always spoke rapturously
and gratefully of the merits of her son and the brilliant
career on which he had entered. When the Rostovs
came to Petersburg Boris called on them.
He drove to their house in some agitation.
The memory of Natasha was his most poetic recollection.
But he went with the firm intention of letting her
and her parents feel that the childish relations between
himself and Natasha could not be binding either on
her or on him. He had a brilliant position in
society thanks to his intimacy with Countess Bezukhova,
a brilliant position in the service thanks to the patronage
of an important personage whose complete confidence
he enjoyed, and he was beginning to make plans for
marrying one of the richest heiresses in Petersburg,
plans which might very easily be realized. When
he entered the Rostovs’ drawing room Natasha
was in her own room. When she heard of his arrival
she almost ran into the drawing room, flushed and beaming
with a more than cordial smile.
Boris remembered Natasha in a short
dress, with dark eyes shining from under her curls
and boisterous, childish laughter, as he had known
her four years before; and so he was taken aback when
quite a different Natasha entered, and his face expressed
rapturous astonishment. This expression on his
face pleased Natasha.
“Well, do you recognize your
little madcap playmate?” asked the countess.
Boris kissed Natasha’s hand
and said that he was astonished at the change in her.
“How handsome you have grown!”
“I should think so!” replied Natasha’s
laughing eyes.
“And is Papa older?” she asked.
Natasha sat down and, without joining
in Boris’ conversation with the countess, silently
and minutely studied her childhood’s suitor.
He felt the weight of that resolute and affectionate
scrutiny and glanced at her occasionally.
Boris’ uniform, spurs, tie,
and the way his hair was brushed were all comme
il faut and in the latest fashion. This
Natasha noticed at once. He sat rather sideways
in the armchair next to the countess, arranging with
his right hand the cleanest of gloves that fitted his
left hand like a skin, and he spoke with a particularly
refined compression of his lips about the amusements
of the highest Petersburg society, recalling with
mild irony old times in Moscow and Moscow acquaintances.
It was not accidentally, Natasha felt, that he alluded,
when speaking of the highest aristocracy, to an ambassador’s
ball he had attended, and to invitations he had received
from N.N. and S.S.
All this time Natasha sat silent,
glancing up at him from under her brows. This
gaze disturbed and confused Boris more and more.
He looked round more frequently toward her, and broke
off in what he was saying. He did not stay more
than ten minutes, then rose and took his leave.
The same inquisitive, challenging, and rather mocking
eyes still looked at him. After his first visit
Boris said to himself that Natasha attracted him just
as much as ever, but that he must not yield to that
feeling, because to marry her, a girl almost without
fortune, would mean ruin to his career, while to renew
their former relations without intending to marry
her would be dishonorable. Boris made up his mind
to avoid meeting Natasha, but despite that resolution
he called again a few days later and began calling
often and spending whole days at the Rostovs’.
It seemed to him that he ought to have an explanation
with Natasha and tell her that the old times must
be forgotten, that in spite of everything... she could
not be his wife, that he had no means, and they would
never let her marry him. But he failed to do
so and felt awkward about entering on such an explanation.
From day to day he became more and more entangled.
It seemed to her mother and Sonya that Natasha was
in love with Boris as of old. She sang him his
favorite songs, showed him her album, making him write
in it, did not allow him to allude to the past, letting
it be understood how delightful was the present; and
every day he went away in a fog, without having said
what he meant to, and not knowing what he was doing
or why he came, or how it would all end. He left
off visiting Helene and received reproachful notes
from her every day, and yet he continued to spend
whole days with the Rostovs.