“Look here, upon this picture,
and on this.”
“And what made you choose the
first train, Goosey?” said Mad Mathesis, as
they got into the cab. “Couldn’t you
count better than that?”
“I took an extreme case,”
was the tearful reply. “Our excellent preceptress
always says ‘When in doubt, my dears, take an
extreme case.’ And I was in doubt.”
“Does it always succeed?” her aunt enquired.
Clara sighed. “Not always,”
she reluctantly admitted. “And I can’t
make out why. One day she was telling the little
girls they make such a noise at tea, you
know ’The more noise you make, the
less jam you will have, and vice versa.’
And I thought they wouldn’t know what ’vice
versa’ meant: so I explained it to them.
I said ’If you make an infinite noise, you’ll
get no jam: and if you make no noise, you’ll
get an infinite lot of jam.’ But our excellent
preceptress said that wasn’t a good instance.
Why wasn’t it?” she added plaintively.
Her aunt evaded the question.
“One sees certain objections to it,” she
said. “But how did you work it with the
Metropolitan trains? None of them go infinitely
fast, I believe.”
“I called them hares and tortoises,”
Clara said a little timidly, for she dreaded
being laughed at. “And I thought there couldn’t
be so many hares as tortoises on the Line: so
I took an extreme case one hare and an
infinite number of tortoises.”
“An extreme case, indeed,”
her aunt remarked with admirable gravity: “and
a most dangerous state of things!”
“And I thought, if I went with
a tortoise, there would be only one hare to
meet: but if I went with the hare you
know there were crowds of tortoises!”
“It wasn’t a bad idea,”
said the elder lady, as they left the cab, at the
entrance of Burlington House. “You shall
have another chance to-day. We’ll have
a match in marking pictures.”
Clara brightened up. “I
should like to try again, very much,” she said.
“I’ll take more care this time. How
are we to play?”
To this question Mad Mathesis made
no reply: she was busy drawing lines down the
margins of the catalogue. “See,” she
said after a minute, “I’ve drawn three
columns against the names of the pictures in the long
room, and I want you to fill them with oughts and
crosses crosses for good marks and oughts
for bad. The first column is for choice of subject,
the second for arrangement, the third for colouring.
And these are the conditions of the match. You
must give three crosses to two or three pictures.
You must give two crosses to four or five ”
“Do you mean only two
crosses?” said Clara. “Or may I count
the three-cross pictures among the two-cross pictures?”
“Of course you may,” said
her aunt. “Any one, that has three
eyes, may be said to have two eyes, I suppose?”
Clara followed her aunt’s dreamy
gaze across the crowded gallery, half-dreading to
find that there was a three-eyed person in sight.
“And you must give one cross to nine or ten.”
“And which wins the match?”
Clara asked, as she carefully entered these conditions
on a blank leaf in her catalogue.
“Whichever marks fewest pictures.”
“But suppose we marked the same number?”
“Then whichever uses most marks.”
Clara considered. “I don’t
think it’s much of a match,” she said.
“I shall mark nine pictures, and give three
crosses to three of them, two crosses to two more,
and one cross each to all the rest.”
“Will you, indeed?” said
her aunt. “Wait till you’ve heard
all the conditions, my impetuous child. You must
give three oughts to one or two pictures, two oughts
to three or four, and one ought to eight or nine.
I don’t want you to be too hard on the
R.A.’s.”
Clara quite gasped as she wrote down
all these fresh conditions. “It’s
a great deal worse than Circulating Decimals!”
she said. “But I’m determined to
win, all the same!”
Her aunt smiled grimly. “We
can begin here,” she said, as they paused
before a gigantic picture, which the catalogue informed
them was the “Portrait of Lieutenant Brown,
mounted on his favorite elephant.”
“He looks awfully conceited!”
said Clara. “I don’t think he was
the elephant’s favorite Lieutenant. What
a hideous picture it is! And it takes up room
enough for twenty!”
“Mind what you say, my dear!”
her aunt interposed. “It’s by an R.A.!”
But Clara was quite reckless.
“I don’t care who it’s by!”
she cried. “And I shall give it three bad
marks!”
Aunt and niece soon drifted away from
each other in the crowd, and for the next half-hour
Clara was hard at work, putting in marks and rubbing
them out again, and hunting up and down for suitable
pictures. This she found the hardest part of
all. “I can’t find the one
I want!” she exclaimed at last, almost crying
with vexation.
“What is it you want to find,
my dear?” The voice was strange to Clara, but
so sweet and gentle that she felt attracted to the
owner of it, even before she had seen her; and when
she turned, and met the smiling looks of two little
old ladies, whose round dimpled faces, exactly alike,
seemed never to have known a care, it was as much as
she could do as she confessed to Aunt Mattie
afterwards to keep herself from hugging
them both.
“I was looking for a picture,”
she said, “that has a good subject and
that’s well arranged but badly coloured.”
The little old ladies glanced at each
other in some alarm. “Calm yourself, my
dear,” said the one who had spoken first, “and
try to remember which it was. What was
the subject?”
“Was it an elephant, for instance?”
the other sister suggested. They were still in
sight of Lieutenant Brown.
“I don’t know, indeed!”
Clara impetuously replied. “You know it
doesn’t matter a bit what the subject is,
so long as it’s a good one!”
Once more the sisters exchanged looks
of alarm, and one of them whispered something to the
other, of which Clara caught only the one word “mad.”
“They mean Aunt Mattie, of course,”
she said to herself fancying, in her innocence,
that London was like her native town, where everybody
knew everybody else. “If you mean my aunt,”
she added aloud, “she’s there just
three pictures beyond Lieutenant Brown.”
“Ah, well! Then you’d
better go to her, my dear!” her new friend said,
soothingly. “She’ll find you the
picture you want. Good-bye, dear!”
“Good-bye, dear!” echoed
the other sister, “Mind you don’t lose
sight of your aunt!” And the pair trotted off
into another room, leaving Clara rather perplexed
at their manner.
“They’re real darlings!”
she soliloquised. “I wonder why they pity
me so!” And she wandered on, murmuring to herself
“It must have two good marks, and ”